Search Results

If we extend this idea broader, it applies to other relationships too, whether it be friends or colleagues

High trust means we have a great relationship with them, and they are willing to listen to our advice directly and say, "I think you should…I advise you to…" But if we don't have a lot of trust in the relationship We should give advice differently based on the relationship dynamics: For those above us, we should use 🎄 Wishing you lots of good cheer, happy relationships, and effective advising 😉

first Additionally, I should value relationship harmony more than convenience and efficiency. Next time, I should tell myself, "Relationship harmony is more important than convenience. The key to a happy life is happy relationships, not convenience or efficiency." Moreover, if I had remembered that relationships with loved ones should be my priority, then despite After all, the key to a happy life is good relationships, not convenience.

Relationships Secondly, our beliefs impact our relationships, which is one of the most important factors Period…The people who were most satisfied with their relationships at age 50 were the healthiest at age the four sprouts in others; as a result, we will treat others more positively, resulting in better relationships us to treat them negatively, which makes them return negativity towards us, ultimately damaging the relationship believe in their goodness, we will treat them with positive intentions, creating a more harmonious relationship

These past few weeks, I have been attending a workshop on traditional Chinese culture. Venerable Jing Kong is considered a hero in revitalizing traditional Chinese culture, and last week, he passed away. Many people all around the world were extremely upset. Some people were in denial. Some people felt empty. Image Source Fortunately, those of us in the workshop had the guidance of good teachers, and they helped me recover after a couple of days. Lots of people were not as fortunate as me, and they continue to be depressed and sullen. Facing the death of loved ones is inevitable in life, so I wanted to share four things I learned from this experience. 1: Be loving while they are alive. One teacher said, "If you wait until they are dead to cry in agony, then you were not loving and dutiful enough while they were alive. Cherish them now. Then you won't feel regret when they're gone." My two grandmas are pretty old now, and I reflected on whether there was anything I still need to say to them or do with them. The main thing I wish for is to spend time with them, but I can't return to China to visit them right now due to visa restrictions. Hence, I can focus on the next best thing, which is to call and message them more. As long as we try our best, there is nothing to regret. I also try to not hold any grudges or conflicts in my heart. If I encounter any misunderstandings, I do my best to communicate and untangle the conflict as soon as possible. After all, no one can guarantee if they will still be alive on this Earth tomorrow. If we imagine that the person we have conflict with might die tomorrow, then we would naturally tell them how much we care about them, and that the conflicts are insignificant. Here is a great video on this topic: 2: Follow the Middle Way: Not too little. Not too much. It is fine and normal to be sad and to cry when a loved one passes, but we should remember the Middle Way. We should not suppress our emotions. Suppressing our emotions is very harmful for our health. At the same time, we should not be excessive in our emotions. For example, some people become so depressed that they refuse to eat for many days, which then damages their health greatly. If we realize that our emotions are excessive and impacting our ability to function normally, then we need to seek help. A great thought exercise to do is to imagine what the deceased person would say to us if they saw us depressed right now. They would probably say something like, "I know you are sad. Don't be so sad for so long. I want you to continue living a good and happy life." This helps us realize that to be truly loving towards them, we should recover our regular life and peaceful emotions sooner rather than later. 3: Ask them their wishes for you while they are alive. If we are clear on what our loved ones wish for us, then we can work towards fulfilling their wishes while they are still alive. Then, when they are gone, we won't feel like we neglected them. In other words, go ask your parents, grandparents, teachers, mentors, or any other loved ones, "What do you hope for me?" I asked this question to my parents and mentors, and I work towards their hopes for me every day. It is also a great conversation topic to revisit every once in a while. When we update them on how we are working towards their hopes for us, they will surely feel happy and loved. This way, we can prevent feelings of regret or emptiness when they depart this world. After they pass, we can turn the sadness we feel about their passing into motivation to continue living their hopes for us. 4: Carry on their dreams. While they are alive, we should also ask them what their dreams and aspirations for themselves are. We can then help them towards fulfilling their goals both when they are alive and after they pass. For example, my hero worked hard to revitalize traditional Chinese culture. Now that he is gone, I should continue to contribute to his mission. I can turn any sadness I feel about his passing into motivation to carry on his legacy. Conclusion Above are four things I learned this past week due to the passing of a loved one. If you have other wisdom on this topic, I would love to learn. What we can do today is to reflect on these questions: Have I been loving enough to my loved ones? Do I have any grudges or misunderstandings that I would regret not resolving if they passed away tomorrow? Do I know very clearly what my loved ones hope for me? Do I know the dreams and aspirations of my loved ones? Weekly Wisdom Newsletter #197 Interested in receiving Weekly Wisdoms in your email? You can subscribe here.

very politely at first... ...but eventually, you got annoyed, and it became a point of conflict in the relationship To give an analogy, we can imagine our relationship with people as a bank account. Good relationships have a positive balance. Bad relationships have a negative balance. Later, I learned from the Gottman Institute that happy relationships have a 5:1 positive to negative But my intention was to improve our relationship, not for any selfish gain, so I persisted.

First is happy relationships, especially with family. comes from having good relationships. Out of all the relationships, the relationships with our parents is most fundamental. So how are your relationships with your parents now?"   The reason I focused on her relationship with her dad is because the foundation for all our relationships

If we want happier relationships, more harmonious families, and a more peaceful world, we need more people everyone used a considerate heart in their daily life, imagine how much happier and more harmonious our relationships

Have you ever done something with good or neutral intentions, but it didn't turn out so well? Perhaps others got annoyed or misunderstood you. Or perhaps you unintentionally created trouble for others. Icon sources: 1, 2, 3, 4 We are all human, so we all make mistakes. The important thing is to learn from them. In addition to learning from our own mistakes, we can also learn from other people's mistakes. I'll share some of mine here to help you avoid the same mistakes： Don't give away things without permission If you're doing something for someone, check with them before and after Don't publicly ask questions that the person cannot answer Consider other people's ability before asking them to do something 1: Don't give away things without permission This past week, I was out in my garden with my mother. A neighbor came over to give my mother some seeds. My mother was delighted, and as always, she went to pick some garden vegetables for the visitor. Seeing my mom always fond of giving gifts, I thought I should follow her example. She was picking fresh celery for the visitor, and I remembered she picked some tomatoes earlier in the day. I said, "How about I get a couple tomatoes that you picked earlier?" She didn't reply. Since the visitor already heard me mention the tomatoes, it felt awkward if I didn't get it for him, so I went to get a couple tomatoes. After he left, my mother told me, "Earlier I told grandpa that those tomatoes were for him." Suddenly, I understood why my mother didn't reply earlier. It would be awkward for her to say, "No, don't give tomatoes to the neighbor. Those are for grandpa." But she also can't say yes. So she didn't say anything. I then reflected on how to avoid the same mistake next time. In the future, if I know a visitor is coming, I can check with my mom beforehand about what gift she wants to give. If the visitor came without prior notice, then I shouldn't offer any gifts; instead, I should let my mom offer the gifts. This way, I won't accidentally mention something that she doesn't want to give away. If there is something I think she can give, but she didn't give it, I can ask my mom about it after the guest leaves. Either my mom says, "No, I don't want to give that," in which case not saying anything was smart, or my mom says "Oh yeah we should give that!" in which case we can still give it to the guest later. This actually happened another time, when my mother's friend came over. As usual, my mother went to get a bunch of garden vegetables for her friend. We had just gotten a box of mooncakes from a neighbor, so I was thinking my mom might want to give those mooncakes to the visitor. But the whole time, my mother never mentioned it. I didn't say anything just in case mom had other plans for the mooncake. After the visitor left, I asked my mom about it, and she said, "Oh yeah, I forgot!" I said, "Well, this situation is better than if I had mentioned the mooncakes and you didn't actually want to give them. Besides, you gave her so much garden vegetables already, forgetting the mooncakes is hardly a problem." 2: If you're doing something for someone, check with them before and after Usually, my mother cooks breakfast. One day, I noticed my mom didn't cook breakfast at the usual time. I thought perhaps she was still busy finishing up her morning reading. I happened to be free, so I decided to cook. I saw that there wasn't much food in the fridge, so I cooked some noodles. Later, my mom came and said, "Huh, why did you cook noodles? There's enough leftovers from yesterday for breakfast." I said, "Really? I checked the fridge and didn't see much." She then opened the fridge and showed me that there were leftovers at the back behind a bag of vegetables. I realized that I could have prevented this trouble if I had simply checked with my mom if I should cook breakfast or not instead of assuming that she forgot or was too busy. Another time, I tried cooking a new kind of potato pancake. I thought it was pretty good and wanted to cook more. But I remembered to check with my mom to see if she likes it. She said it's OK, but she prefers regular pancakes. It's a good thing I asked, or else she might feel awkward to say that she doesn't like it that much, and I would have made a lot more potato pancakes. I heard a term called "loving you without your permission," which refers to when people do something that they think is good for others, but the receiver does not want it. For example, a parent forces their child to take art classes when the child really has no interest in art. This is a lack of consideration and empathy on the giver's part. If I had cooked more potato pancakes for my mom without asking her if she likes it, I would have committed "loving you without your permission." 3: Don't publicly ask questions that the person cannot answer In the course I'm taking, our class leader often communicates things to us on behalf of our professor. Recently, she was explaining to us how to submit our assignment online. We have to submit in two places: draft and final copy. Originally, we were told that we can submit multiple times in the draft location to check the plagiarism score, but it turns out we can only submit once. I asked, "What's the point of submitting to the rough copy if we can't submit multiple times? Maybe we should check with the school to see if there's an error with the website?" She said, "Yeah I don't know either. OK." Afterwards, I felt I might have made her look bad in front of the class because I asked a question that she couldn't answer. My intention was neutral, but my lack of consideration and sensitivity resulted in making her look bad. In the future, I should make sure that my question is one that the person can actually answer. If not, I should ask in private, not in front of the whole class. Also, I should be more polite and humble when I ask. For example, I could have said, "It seems strange that we cannot submit multiple times. Could I trouble you to check with the school and see if it's an error on their side?" 4: Consider other people's ability before asking them to do something It's Teacher's Day next week, and I was thinking of getting some classmates together to create a collective gift. I felt like our teacher would be happy to see us classmates working together. But the idea I had in mind requires quite a bit of time from each person. I thought about it, and my classmates are all very busy people, and it would be quite awkward if even one person couldn't commit. I remember this actually happened to me before. Another classmate wanted all of us to make a video together for a teacher, and it was really rushed too. The thing is, if a few people do it, it's very awkward if the remaining classmates don't join, so we're kind of pressured into doing it. I don't want to give pressure to other people, so I decided to not suggest this idea. I heard another story related to this topic. One time, a person told a monk, "The next time you guys have a charitable project, let me know. I want to donate." A few months later, the monk found out his master had a charitable project to do. He was about to call that person, but his master stopped him and said, "Wait. Are you trying to collect a debt?" He was utterly confused and said, "Master, this person told me a few months ago that she wants to contribute to the next charitable project. It's her wish." The master said, "I know you think you are keeping a promise, but think about it. It's been a few months. Maybe back then, she had money that she wanted to donate. But after these few months, it's very possible that she might have already used the money elsewhere. If you call her now and ask her to donate, and she doesn't have that money anymore, then you will cause a lot of embarrassment for her." The monk said, "I understand now. I'll wait for her to call me then." Conclusion It's great to have good intentions, but we must remember that good intentions alone are not enough to produce good results. We need to have wisdom and consideration. We are all human, so we will all make mistakes. There's no need to frustrate over our mistakes. As long as we learn from them each time, we will grow in wisdom. And before we do anything that we think is good, we should always consider the impact on others and how they might feel, and it's usually better to check with them before and after the matter. Do you have any experiences where your good intentions didn't lead to good results? What did you learn? Weekly Wisdom #256

Similarly, I imagine one of the most common complaints in all relationships is, "I do so many things If we want to accumulate good relationships and avoid bad ones, then we ought to look for everyone's This kind of criticism kills relationships. Conclusion: Good relationships are key to our happiness and mental health. Relationship conflicts are also a major source of suffering.

They felt terrible after arguments, and they much rather preferred to have a harmonious relationship,

Instead, having quality relationships is the single greatest driver of our happiness and health. Since quality relationships is a key driver of happiness, trying to control others (whether unconscious