A True Friend Always Has Faith In You

What makes a true friend?

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Everyone has their own thoughts, but I think the story of Guan Zhong and Bao Shuya give some insights to this question.

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Guan Zhong 管仲 (c. 720–645 BC) was a renowned philosopher and politician in Chinese history. He served as a chancellor for the State of Qi during the Spring and Autumn period of Chinese history, and through his support, Qi became the most powerful and prosperous state in China at the time. That is no small feat! His teachings have been recorded in a book named after him called the Guanzi, which is still being studied today (over two thousand years later), and he is considered one of the hundred great philosophers in his era.

But Guan Zhong's life wasn't smooth sailing from the start, and his success wouldn't have been possible without one very key person, Bao Shuya 鮑叔牙. They met at a young age and became good friends very quickly.

Guan Zhong wasn't exactly everyone's idea of a good friend to have. When they were young, they went into business together. Guan Zhong invested less money yet took a larger share of the profits.

(If you were Bao Shuya, how would you feel?)

Many people felt this was unfair to Bao Shuya, but Bao Shuya said, "Guan Zhong isn't greedy. His family is poor, while mine is not. He needs the money to support his family, so it's only fitting that he takes more."

One time, Guan Zhong came up with a business idea that resulted in failure and loss.

(If you were Bao Shuya, what would you say to Guan Zhong?)

Bao Shuya didn't blame or criticize him. Instead, he said, "You are not stupid or incompetent. Everyone has times of good luck and times of bad luck."

There were three times that Guan Zhong got a job as a government official, and all three times he was dismissed by his leader.

(If you were Bao Shuya, what would you tell Guan Zhong?)

Bao Shuya told him, "It's not because you are unworthy or incompetent. It's just that your time hasn't arrived yet."

Sometimes, there were war battles, and there were three times where Guan Zhong fought in war and fled from the battlefield.

(If you were an onlooker, what would you think?)

Bao Shuya said, "Guan Zhong isn't cowardly. He fled because he has an old mother at home who needs him, so he cannot bear to risk dying on the battlefield."

Later, both of them entered government service. Bao Shuya served Prince Xiao Bai 公子小白, while Guan Zhong served Prince Jiu 公子糾. After their father, Duke Xi of Qi, died, the two princes fought for the throne. During this process, Guan Zhong once attempted to assassinate Prince Xiao Bai, who narrowly escaped death. In the end, Prince Jiu lost and Prince Xiao Bai succeeded in seizing the throne, gaining the title of Duke Huan of Qi.

Duke Huan was very grateful to his advisor, Bao Shuya, and wanted to appoint him as chancellor (basically the Duke's right-hand man). He also held a bitter grudge against Guan Zhong and wanted to get revenge. However, Guan Zhong fled to the State of Lu and was being held captive there.

Duke Huan said to Bao Shuya, "Without your key support, I wouldn't have been able to become Duke of Qi. I want you to be my chancellor."

(If you were Bao Shuya, what would you do?)

Baoa Shuya said, "As your mediocre minister, I am very grateful for your highness's trust and for all the kindness you have given me. But as for governing the state, that is beyond my abilities. Only Guan Zhong can do it."

The Duke said, "What! Guan Zhong? What are you talking about?"

Bao Shuya replied, "Guan Zhong is better than me in five aspects. First is being generous and kind to the people. Second is governing the state without losing control. Third is devotion and good faith towards the people. Fourth is establishing rules of ritual and morality that everyone in the world would be willing to follow. Fifth is standing at the army gates, beating the drums, and inspiring the people with courage."

The Duke said, "But he shot me and nearly killed me!"

(If you were Bao Shuya, what would you say?)

Bao Shuya replied, "He did it out of devotion for his prince. If you pardon him and employ him, he would do the same for you."

Duke Huan contemplated for a bit, then said, "Alright. He's in the State of Lu right now. How do we do this?"

Bao Shuya said, "We can send an envoy to request Guan Zhong be sent back to Qi."

Duke Huan said, "But there's a problem. Shi Bo is the strategist of Lu, and if he knows I intend to employ Guan Zhong, he won't hand him over."

Bao Shuya said, "The envoy can explain that your highness views Guan Zhong as a traitor and wants to have him executed in front of you and all the ministers, which is why we want Guan Zhong back in Qi."

Duke Huan decided to follow Bao Shuya's advice. When the envoy went to Lu, Duke Zhuang of Lu consulted Shi Bo about the matter. Shi Bo said, "I don't think Duke Huan truly wants to execute Guan Zhong. I think he wants to employ him. After all, Guan Zhong's talents are unmatched in the world. Whichever state he serves will surely achieve dominance in the world. If he goes to Qi, he will long be a concern for Lu.

"So what should we do?" asked Duke Zhuang.

"Kill him and hand over his corpse." replied Shi Bo.

Duke Zhuang then ordered Guan Zhong to be executed on the spot.

The envoy from Qi jumped in and said, "Duke Huan made it clear that he wishes to carry out the execution personally. If Guan Zhong is not brought back alive to be executed in front of all our ministers, then that would not be fulfilling our request."

Duke Zhuang considered for a moment, and ultimately decided to hand Guan Zhong over alive.

After Guan Zhong returned to Qi, he was very grateful for Bao Shuya's recommendation and for Duke Huan's magnanimity, and he helped Duke Huan govern Qi, which went on to become the strongest state at its time.

In The Records of the Grand Historian, it is recorded that Guan Zhong said:

"When I was poor early in life, I went into business with Bao Shuya. I took more of the profits than him, but he did not think of me as greedy; he understood that I was poor and in need. I once proposed a business idea that resulted in failure and loss, but Bao Shuya did not think of me as stupid; he knew that there are times of good luck and times of bad luck. I served as a government official three times and was dismissed each time, but Bao Shuya did not think of me as incompetent, he knew my time had not come yet. I fought in three battles and fled each time, but Bao Shuya did not think of me as cowardly; he understood that I had an elderly mother to care for. When [my] Prince Jiu was defeated, [another minister] Shao Hu committed suicide [for Prince Jiu], and I was humiliated and held captive. Bao Shuya did not think of me as shameless, he knew that I felt shame not over small matters, but over the fact that my abilities have not been shown to the world yet. Though my parents gave life to me, it is Bao Shuya who truly understands me."

The Grand Historian, Sima Qian, commented,

"The world does not praise Guan Zhong for his talents as much as it praises Bao Shuya for his ability to understand others."

(Reference material: excerpts from The Records of the Grand Historian 史記 and The Book of States 國語)

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Commentary

There is a Chinese idiom that goes "The friendship of Guan and Bao". It means if two people are really good friends, like kindred spirits, then they have the friendship of Guan Zhong and Bao Shuya.

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After learning their story, we also understand that the main supporter of their relationship is actually Bao Shuya. Guan Zhong had outstanding talents and intelligence, but Bao Shuya had even more impressive virtues, and he is the person we should emulate.

Bao Shuya was very understanding and always assumed good intentions from Guan Zhong when most normal people would assume bad intentions. There were many examples in the story, but we'll just look at one: When Guan Zhong took more of the profits for himself, Bao Shuya didn't assume him to be greedy. He observed that Guan Zhong came from a poor family and assumed that he really needed the money.

We can think from the perspective of Guan Zhong. There are two possibilities.

First, Guan Zhong is truly poor and in need of the money. If Bao Shuya criticizes him for taking more than his fair share, Guan Zhong would have no choice but to yield, he would feel bad that his family is so poor, and he would be upset that he now has a bad reputation. Therefore, criticizing Guan Zhong allows Bao Shuya to gain some money in the short-term, but it creates conflict with Guan Zhong in the long-term, and their friendship might end.

But when Bao Shuya was understanding and assumed good intentions of Guan Zhong, Guan Zhong must have felt very touched. After all, everyone has an inner conscience, so Guan Zhong probably felt a bit guilty for taking more than his fair share. Yet when Bao Shuya didn't blame him, and instead affirmed him, he must have felt very touched and grateful. In this case, Bao Shuya lost some money in the short term, but he gained a devoted friend in the long-term.

The second possibility is that Guan Zhong was actually being greedy and trying to cheat Bao Shuya. If Bao Shuya criticized Guan Zhong, then Guan Zhong might get upset that he wasn't able to cheat Bao Shuya this time, and he might try again in the future. In any case, fighting back just leads to more fighting.

But when Bao Shuya was understanding and assumed good intentions, Guan Zhong might feel bad for taking advantage of such a good person. Again, everyone has an inner conscience. People might feel justified if they're mistreating someone whom they think "deserves it" or when they "have no choice". But mistreating weak people and good people is something everyone would naturally view as wrong.

From this scenario analysis, we can see that being understanding and assuming good intentions always creates a better result than criticizing and blaming. Moreover, it's just what a true friend naturally does.

Bao Shuya also had many other great virtues. When Duke Huan wanted to promote him to be his chancellor, many people would be delighted at the opportunity for great power and wealth second only to the Duke. However, Bao Shuya was humble. He knew the role required a person of high abilities, and he did not think himself to be suitable compared to Guan Zhong. He was also selfless. He thought about what would be the best for the Duke and the State of Qi, which would be to have the best chancellor possible, Guan Zhong.

Bao Shuya was also wise, able to think long-term. If Qi doesn't employ Guan Zhong, other states might. It's then possible for another state to become extremely powerful with Guan Zhong's help, and one day, that state might attack Qi. In that case, Bao Shuya would have to fight Guan Zhong. Through this analysis, we can better understand why Bao Shuya recommended Guan Zhong so strongly, and we should remind ourselves to practice humility, selflessness, and long-term thinking.

Conclusion

So back to the original question: what makes a true friend?

There is another saying in Chinese that goes,

"Friends have good faith."

I think Bao Shuya really exemplified having good faith towards Guan Zhong. He always believed in Guan Zhong, even when no one else did, and he always had Guan Zhong's best interest at heart. We should also reflect on our relationships with our family and friends:

1. Do we have faith in them? Do we believe they are good and capable? Or do we believe they can't change?

2. Do we try to understand them and assume good intentions? Or do we assume negative intentions?

3. Do we encourage and affirm them? Or do we criticize and negate them?

4. Do we always have their best interests at heart? Or do we only think about ourselves?

P.S. Guan Zhong and Duke Huan's story has a part 2, which I wrote about in the article The Auspicious Associate with the Virtuous Part 2.

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Weekly Wisdom #377