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These principles are not just for romantic relationships, but all relationships, including family and workplace relationships. Why relationships fail Principles for successful relationships What is “Love”? Action Level For building relationships 1. Bad relationships ruin life, while great relationships make life worth living.

Image Source: Unsplash Aside from romantic relationships, we all have so many other types of relationships So how can we nurture loving relationships? This applies not just to workplace relationships, but to all relationships. can take to raise relationships higher. and is best used for intimate relationships.

Alan Zimmerman said, "Trust is a must or your relationships will bust." To that, I might add, "If your relationships bust, your happiness will rust." misunderstand trustworthiness to simply mean honesty, but someone who is bluntly honest would ruin their relationships Trustworthiness is something we have to continually work on and maintain, but the reward (great relationships

I recently heard the saying, "You can either be right or you can be in a relationship." For a relationship to be healthy, we have to care more about the relationship than ourselves. Stated in mathematical terms, Healthy Relationship = Selflessness > Selfishness Our desire to be right Given that different perspectives are all valid, a motto I follow in relationships is "Harmony is always

Image Source: Unsplash Ancient philosophers and contemporary scientists all agree that relationships Furthermore, it’s the quality, not quantity, of our relationships that count. Trying to understand the other person deeply is the key to solving relationship problems. Conclusion If there’s anything worth investing in, it’s your relationships. Quality relationships make us happy and healthy, and improving relationships is not rocket science.

Icon Sources: 1, 2, 3 Last week, I wrote about the "Grandma is afraid you're hungry" situation. There's another problem I encountered here at my grandma's. Basically, before my mother and I arrived, my grandma was living by herself. When she got injured and couldn't move very well, she paid her neighbors money every month to cook and clean the house. After we came, my grandma asked them to only deliver one meal a day. I asked, "Why not just let them stop delivering altogether? We can cook three meals." She said, "Because they are rather poor and really need the money. If I don't let them deliver food at all, they will feel bad for taking my money." We supported grandma's decision. But the thing is, my mom and I are vegan, so my grandma told the neighbors that she wanted to eat vegan with us. The neighbors adjusted their cooking to not include meat, but sometimes, they delivered food with little dried shrimps. I think they didn't know that shrimp isn't vegan. I thought about telling them, but whenever I run into them, there's always other people, and it feels like I'm being super nitpicky if I knock on their door just to tell them to not put shrimp in the cooking. One day, I ran into the neighbor by chance, and it was just us two. I said, "Thank you so much for taking care of my grandma and feeding us such delicious and nutritious food!" She said, "Oh it's no problem at all! If there's anything you want to eat, please tell me." I replied, "Oh actually I don't eat shrimp either because it's not vegan. But I don't think you knew that. Sorry I didn't communicate clearly before. Your cooking is very delicious though!" She said, "Oh really? OK I'll know in the future, thanks for letting me know." And that was that. Politeness and appreciation always help to reduce awkwardness. Later, I was talking to my mentor about this situation and asked him if there are any better ways to handle such a situation. Just like in last week's article, I encourage you to pause here and think about how you might handle this situation, then compare it to what my mentor said. This will give you a deeper impression and internalize the teachings more so that you can use it in your own life. My mentor told me: "Indeed, it's quite awkward to trouble your neighbors further after they've already gone through the trouble of cooking vegan for you. One way to do it is to buy a gift for them, and then when you deliver the gift, you can bring it up in passing. This way, you're not purely troubling them in that encounter. Moreover, you can offer to give them more money to compensate for the extra trouble of cooking vegan. This way, you show your good intentions and that you aren't just selfishly adding trouble to them." I thought, "Wow, that's a pretty good idea! My mentor is so much more considerate than me." In the future, I'll remember that if I need to trouble others, I should try to bring a small token of appreciation or do a small favor for them first. Do you have any other ways to politely trouble others? If so, I'd love to hear them. Weekly Wisdom #265

Source: Harvard Family Instruction, Chapter 1) Commentary This story reminds me of a principle for good relationships

Are you really educated if you aren't even able to have good relationships?

This helps to build a good relationship between them.

Recently, I was talking to my mentor about some conflicts I had with people. Essentially, they think I'm wrong, and I think they're wrong. Being the wise person that he is, my mentor didn't side with anybody. Instead, he said, "Faults are like poop. When it's your own, you don't care. But when you see other people's, you're absolutely appalled. Isn't that hypocritical?" Icon Sources: 1, 2 I understood his analogy and stopped complaining. Indeed, instead of arguing who's right, the conflict would be easily dissolved if I simply tolerated the other person's faults. After all, we all have faults and bad habits. If we could tolerate others' faults the same way we tolerate our own faults, then there'd be no conflict! This isn't to say that their behavior doesn't need improvement, but I should focus on improving myself first because that's in my control, and only when I improve myself do I have the right to ask others to improve. Moreover, using a blaming attitude towards others just makes things worse. If we can tolerate and accept them for where they're at, then we can approach them with patience, tolerance, and encouragement. As I reflected on this analogy more, I found other similarities between faults and poop. For example, some people have very negative and critical self-talk. If a person talks to oneself harshly, then she will probably talk to others harshly as well. I certainly have had this experience, and I've had to work on my self-talk to become more positive, loving, and respectful. We can remember the poop analogy again. No one scolds themselves saying, "What's wrong with you! You pooped again!" or "You're such a horrible person for needing to poop every single day!" or "Wow, your poop is so stinky. You're such a failure." Similarly, we shouldn't scold ourselves every time we make a mistake. We should encourage ourselves the way we would encourage a little kid learning to walk: with a loving tone and strong belief. We can tell ourselves, "Making mistakes is a normal part of being human and a natural part of the learning process. The important thing is that I learn from my mistakes. I should judge myself based on my ability to correct my mistakes quickly as opposed to not making mistakes. I can definitely do better next time!" Another way faults are like poop is that we shouldn't hold on to them. If we have lots of faults, others will avoid us as if we smell like poop. If we keep holding on to our poop, it will hurt us. Similarly, if we don't eliminate our faults, whether it be anger, laziness, arrogance, or carelessness, those faults will keep hurting us. Unfortunately, a lot of us have gotten used to "fault constipation", so eliminating mistakes doesn't come as naturally to us as eliminating poop; it's something we have to consciously work on. To continue this analogy even further, both faults and poop ought to be studied. Studying our poop gives us clues about our digestion, which is why doctors ask us about our poop! Similarly, our faults and mistakes give us clues about our mental and emotional health because all mistakes stem from the mind. If we can study our faults and mistakes and correct them, then we will become better people. An important principle in medicine is to treat the root cause as opposed to the symptom. For example, if a person has constipation, eating laxatives is treating the symptom. As soon as you stop eating those pills, the constipation returns. Oftentimes, the root is in the person's diet. Perhaps if the person ate more fiber in their daily diet, the constipation might go away. That's thinking in terms of the root as opposed to the symptoms. The same is true for studying our faults. The bad action we do is the symptom, but the root of the problem is in our mind and deep inner beliefs. For example, I have a bad habit of complaining. The act of complaining is the surface-level result, but the cause is in my mind. My mind is too entitled and arrogant; I believe that everyone should think like me. Hence, I can fix the root by changing my thoughts. Instead of telling myself, "What! This person is so unreasonable!" I change my thoughts to, "No one tries to be stupid or bad on purpose. Everyone is doing what they think is right, or they are acting out of habit. Either case, I shouldn't be judgmental towards them because I am the same." This is just one example of getting to the root of a fault. Everyone has different faults and bad habits, and we all need to find the root of our problems. After we figure out the root problem, we'll have to undergo a period of training to unlearn an old thinking pattern and learn a new thinking pattern. I previously wrote about my 21-Day No Complaint Challenge, which was a great kickstart to my training. But even now, I still catch myself complaining, so we need to persist for a long time to change an old habit. Even though it's hard work, it's certainly better than being full of poop/faults! These are just some of my realizations from the fault-poop analogy. The next time you get annoyed at somebody's fault or problem, try to treat them the same way you would treat yourself when you see your own poop. And of course, we all need to work on eliminating our poop and faults! Weekly Wisdom #252

Did you know that gratitude improves our happiness, relationships, immunity, sleep quality, and stress When we apply philosophy properly, we gain happiness, peace of mind, harmonious relationships, productivity When we make good decisions, we gain happiness, harmonious relationships, and success.

These past few weeks, I have been attending a workshop on traditional Chinese culture. Venerable Jing Kong is considered a hero in revitalizing traditional Chinese culture, and last week, he passed away. Many people all around the world were extremely upset. Some people were in denial. Some people felt empty. Image Source Fortunately, those of us in the workshop had the guidance of good teachers, and they helped me recover after a couple of days. Lots of people were not as fortunate as me, and they continue to be depressed and sullen. Facing the death of loved ones is inevitable in life, so I wanted to share four things I learned from this experience. 1: Be loving while they are alive. One teacher said, "If you wait until they are dead to cry in agony, then you were not loving and dutiful enough while they were alive. Cherish them now. Then you won't feel regret when they're gone." My two grandmas are pretty old now, and I reflected on whether there was anything I still need to say to them or do with them. The main thing I wish for is to spend time with them, but I can't return to China to visit them right now due to visa restrictions. Hence, I can focus on the next best thing, which is to call and message them more. As long as we try our best, there is nothing to regret. I also try to not hold any grudges or conflicts in my heart. If I encounter any misunderstandings, I do my best to communicate and untangle the conflict as soon as possible. After all, no one can guarantee if they will still be alive on this Earth tomorrow. If we imagine that the person we have conflict with might die tomorrow, then we would naturally tell them how much we care about them, and that the conflicts are insignificant. Here is a great video on this topic: 2: Follow the Middle Way: Not too little. Not too much. It is fine and normal to be sad and to cry when a loved one passes, but we should remember the Middle Way. We should not suppress our emotions. Suppressing our emotions is very harmful for our health. At the same time, we should not be excessive in our emotions. For example, some people become so depressed that they refuse to eat for many days, which then damages their health greatly. If we realize that our emotions are excessive and impacting our ability to function normally, then we need to seek help. A great thought exercise to do is to imagine what the deceased person would say to us if they saw us depressed right now. They would probably say something like, "I know you are sad. Don't be so sad for so long. I want you to continue living a good and happy life." This helps us realize that to be truly loving towards them, we should recover our regular life and peaceful emotions sooner rather than later. 3: Ask them their wishes for you while they are alive. If we are clear on what our loved ones wish for us, then we can work towards fulfilling their wishes while they are still alive. Then, when they are gone, we won't feel like we neglected them. In other words, go ask your parents, grandparents, teachers, mentors, or any other loved ones, "What do you hope for me?" I asked this question to my parents and mentors, and I work towards their hopes for me every day. It is also a great conversation topic to revisit every once in a while. When we update them on how we are working towards their hopes for us, they will surely feel happy and loved. This way, we can prevent feelings of regret or emptiness when they depart this world. After they pass, we can turn the sadness we feel about their passing into motivation to continue living their hopes for us. 4: Carry on their dreams. While they are alive, we should also ask them what their dreams and aspirations for themselves are. We can then help them towards fulfilling their goals both when they are alive and after they pass. For example, my hero worked hard to revitalize traditional Chinese culture. Now that he is gone, I should continue to contribute to his mission. I can turn any sadness I feel about his passing into motivation to carry on his legacy. Conclusion Above are four things I learned this past week due to the passing of a loved one. If you have other wisdom on this topic, I would love to learn. What we can do today is to reflect on these questions: Have I been loving enough to my loved ones? Do I have any grudges or misunderstandings that I would regret not resolving if they passed away tomorrow? Do I know very clearly what my loved ones hope for me? Do I know the dreams and aspirations of my loved ones? Weekly Wisdom Newsletter #197 Interested in receiving Weekly Wisdoms in your email? You can subscribe here.