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talking about how when he was studying for a big test, his friends would come and talk to him about their relationship

Icon Sources: 1, 2 A young man went to apply for a managerial position in a big company. He passed the initial interview and now he was about to meet the director for his final interview. The director discovered from his resume that the youth's academic achievements were excellent. He asked, "Did you obtain any scholarships in school?" The young man answered "No". "Was it your father who paid for your school fees?" "My father passed away when I was one year old. It was my mother who paid for my school fees." he replied. "Where did your mother work?" The young man said, "My mother worked as a clothes cleaner." The director asked the job applicant to show him his hands. The applicant showed that his hands were smooth and perfect. So the director asked, "Have you ever helped your mother wash the clothes?" "Never, my mother always wanted me to study and read more books. Besides, my mother can wash clothes faster than me." said the young man. The director said, "I have a request. When you go home today, go and clean your mother's hands, and then see me tomorrow morning." The young man felt that his chance of landing the job was high. When he went back home, he asked his mother to let him clean her hands. His mother felt strange, but with mixed feelings, she showed her hands to her son. Image provided by pvproductions on Freepik The young man cleaned his mother's hands slowly, with tears dripping down his face. It was the first time he noticed that his mother's hands were so wrinkled and so covered in bruises. Some bruises were so painful that his mother winced when he touched them. This was the first time the young man realized that it was this pair of hands that washed clothes every day to pay for his education. After cleaning his mother's hands, the young man quietly washed all the remaining clothes for his mother. That night, the mother and son talked for a very long time. The next morning, the young and eager job applicant went to the director's office. The director noticed the tears in the applicant's eyes when he asked, "Can you tell me what you learned at your house yesterday?" The young man answered, "I cleaned my mother's hands and I finished cleaning all the remaining clothes. I know now what appreciation is. Without my mother, I would not be who I am today. By helping my mother, I not only realized how difficult it is to get something done on your own, but I also have come to appreciate the importance and value of helping other people." The director said, "This is what I am looking for in a manager. I want to recruit a person who can appreciate the help of others, a person who knows the sufferings of others to get things done, and a person who would not put money as his only goal in life. You are hired!" (Story Source) Commentary Gratitude is not just a nice-to-have feeling. It's a must-have for a purposeful and fulfilling life. We all have parents, and chances are, we could be doing more to repay their gratitude. Our parents may not have worn out hands like the mother in the story, but they've certainly gone through their fair share of hardship in raising us. Just like the young man in the story, many of us are oblivious to so much of our parents' contributions and sacrifices for us. Here are some examples to ponder: Mother carrying us around in her tummy for 9 months and having to endure a lot of discomfort, yet still looking forward to the day we are born. Mother enduring the pain of childbirth, and then right after, her first thought is, "Is my child healthy?" Parents tending to us 24/7 when we were infants, using their hearts to feel our needs whenever we cried, feeding us and changing our diapers. Despite being exhausted, they did this with love in their hearts. Parents dedicating so much thought, energy, money, and planning for our lives. Parents sacrificing their freedom and sleep for us. Parents being so happy to see us grow and mature. Parents always wanting the best for us and giving us the best they can give. When we reflect on how much our parents gave to us, we should feel a sense of gratitude and warmth, and then we naturally feel the desire to repay gratitude. It's kind of like if a friend gives us a gift, we'd be happy and naturally feel compelled to give them a gift in return. Repaying favor is a natural human sentiment. When we focus on our parents' gratitude, we will naturally want to repay gratitude. There are four broad ways to so: Nurture parents' physical health: make sure their body is healthy Nurture parents' emotional health: ease their worries and give them happiness Nurture parents' aspirations: fulfill their wishes and ambitions for us Nurture parents' wisdom: helping parents to grow as a person When we repay gratitude, we are making our parents healthier and happier. When we see our loved ones healthy and happy, we will be happy too. Confucius said, "When taught filial piety, people will respect all parents in the world. When taught siblinghood, people will respect all siblings in the world." (Original Text: 教以孝，所以敬天下之為人父者也。教以悌，所以敬天下之為人兄者也。) Note: Filial piety means having a heart of love, respect, and gratitude towards parents. Siblinghood is the same but towards siblings. When we can feel the care and gratitude of our family, it's easy to extend that feeling to other people outside the family. If you think about it, society is kind of like a big family. At school, our teachers are similar to our parents, and our classmates are similar to our siblings. At work, our leaders are similar to our parents, and our colleagues are similar to our siblings. Our leaders take care of us, and we repay gratitude by being harmonious with colleagues, easing our leaders' worries, and working towards their aspirations. In order to teach filial piety, parents ideally would to role model respect and gratitude towards grandparents. The family should frequently do nice things for the grandparents. After all, children don't do what you tell them to do, children copy your actions. It's also important to not spoil children and make them think they are the king or queen of the world. The father can tell the children about how much the mother contributes and how hard the mother works, and urge the children to be filial to mom. The mom can do the same for dad. Icon Sources: 1, 2, 3 Even if our parents didn't role model filial piety for us, we shouldn't blame them because chances are, no one role modeled it for them, and no one taught them either. They still tried their best for us, and now we need to try our best for them. That means starting with us, we set a good role model for them and for the future generations. Conclusion Gratitude is not a nice-to-have, it's a must have for a purposeful, meaningful, and productive life. It also helps us to persevere through hardship. The best place to start digging our inner fountain of gratitude is towards the under-appreciated heroes in our lives. Weekly Wisdom #258

case of the ambitious boss and the family-oriented employee, the boss should first develop a strong relationship your partner because he understands you very well, and he shows great effort in contributing to the relationship So despite your partner already setting a good example and showing genuine care in the relationship, Then she’ll reflect on if she built a strong relationship with the child. He will also build a strong relationship with each person so that they trust that their leader has their

I was talking to a friend who recently went back home after living for a while at school. She told me something surprising: "Every time I came back home in the past, I would argue with my parents. But this time, I didn't have any arguments. In fact, I feel so happy and grateful recently, sometimes, I just randomly shout 'Thank you mom! Thank you dad! I am so fortunate!'" I asked, "Wow. What changed this time?" She told me, "Well, I started to realize how difficult it is to be my parents. For example, my mother woke up late from being tired, but then she goes and makes breakfast for me right away. My dad works all day, but he still gives me a massage even when he's tired. Despite all their hardship, they show their love and care for me. How can I not feel happy and grateful?" Coincidentally, just a couple days ago, I attended a class on traditional Chinese culture, and the topic was filial piety (which means being a loving child towards parents). The teacher told us that our love and respect towards parents start when we see the hardship that they go through for us. Parents’ Hardship Parents sacrifice so much for their children. They sacrifice their sleep and freedom to raise us. They give us all the best things they can afford. When we're sick, they take us to the doctor and spend all day with us. When we're sad, they try to comfort us. None of this is easy or convenient, yet they willingly do this for us without requesting anything in return. Image Source Upon reflection, I realized that my mother sacrificed a stable life in China to come to Canada to give me a better future. She also worked extremely hard to raise me all by herself, put me through school, make sure I was healthy, and even set up her retirement so that I don't have to worry about her. Her life has been a hundred times harder than anything I ever went through. When I reflected on this, I felt bad about all the times I gave her a bad temper or made her worry. I also felt internal motivation to make her happy, not because she demands it from me, but because I want to repay her gratitude. Can You See Their Efforts? A lot of people complain about their parents, or even resent their parents for not treating them the way other parents treat their children. But if we put ourselves in our parents' shoes, we realize that they are already trying their best. No parent intentionally tries to make their children hate them; they just have limited ability. Every parent shows love to their children in their own way. But sometimes, we don't see it because we're too focused on how our parents "should" be better. The reason why filial piety is so important in Chinese culture is because they are the closest people to us, and we owe the most gratitude towards them. How we treat our parents is our true selves, and it will be how we treat others, such as our spouse, friends, and leaders. If we are always thinking about how our parents don't treat us well enough, then we will also act the same way towards other people. If we always look at the contributions and good points of our parents, then we will do the same for other people. Filial piety starts when you feel gratitude for your parents. Gratitude starts when you focus on all the hardship they went through for you. Once our heart has gratitude, we will naturally feel happy and fortunate. Then, we can share our positive energy with the people and world around us. Image Source Gratitude starts with our parents and then expands out to all the people around us. Your siblings sacrificed things for you. Your good friends gave their time, energy, and things to you. Your teachers, classmates, boss, and colleagues all helped you. The question is, do you focus on their contributions or their imperfections? Concluding Thoughts What hardships did your parents go through to raise you? How can you repay their gratitude? Repeat question 1, but for other close people around you. Weekly Wisdom Newsletter #192 Interested in receiving Weekly Wisdoms in your email? You can subscribe here.

Obliger : I put others ahead of me, and I value harmony in relationships. Working with a Questioner Questioners can add value to relationships and organizations by ensuring people Working with an Obliger Obligers are like the adhesive in a relationship or a team. They bring people together and focus on maintaining good relationships.

When she feels that you have a respectful attitude towards her, your relationship will naturally get

As for our loved ones and relationships, if we knew we would die tomorrow, how would we behave today? It is a great way to mend and build relationships. Lesson 3: Let go of obsessions.

If we have good relationships with those around us, then we would get so many doses of happiness and Helping others and giving more is a key to good relationships, and anyone who's sincerely helped others When we are self-centered, we tend to create conflict in relationships, and we are more likely to do If we let our anger loose, we’ll destroy relationships and opportunities. Our relationships also improved, and they were eager to help me in the other courses.

relationships. Of all our relationships, the most important one is with our parents. relationships. And in my own experience, having good relationships with parents is a great source of joy. I used to think, "I have great relationships with most people.

When you do a good deed, do you like to get praised for it? Or keep it a secret? Or give the credit to others? Over the summer, I participated in an online educational workshop. The workshop had around 80 participants, and we were split into seven groups (teams) of 10-12 people. Each group had a teacher (leader) with several students (participants). We spent around two thirds of the time learning as a big group and one third of the time discussing in our small groups. A couple of times in the big class, I noticed students from other groups had fans blowing wind directly onto their face, so their hair was flowing with the wind. According to Chinese Medicine, it is bad for our health if we blow wind onto our body when still. If we are moving around, then it's not a problem. At first, I was hesitant about telling them because I didn't want to sound like a naggy parent, but I ultimately decided to message them in a humble and caring way, not in a judgmental or naggy way. They were appreciative. Later, I told my teacher about this, and he told me that although what I did was good, I could have done better. He asked me if I can guess how (Can you guess?). I couldn't figure it out. He told me, "Instead of sending those caring messages yourself, you could have told their team leader. Then the team leader can remind that person as well as the whole group. This way, you give the glory to the team leader rather than taking it for yourself. You also earn the respect of that leader." At that time, I was pretty surprised to hear such an answer. I didn't even think about getting "glory" for simply telling someone to not blow wind onto their face. My teacher then helped me see things from a bigger, more serious perspective. He told me a story about Yanzi (晏子). Yanzi lived around 2500 years ago, during the same time as Confucius. He was a minister in the State of Qi, serving under Duke Jing of Qi. The Duke recruited people from all over the country to build a great pavilion for his recreational purposes. By winter, construction was still going on, and the people were cold and hungry. They all complained about how unsympathetic the Duke was, and they asked Yanzi to help relieve their hardship. Yanzi returned to the Duke's palace. The Duke, happy for his return, organized a banquet to greet him. Although Yanzi planned to tell the Duke about the worker's grievances, he did not want to do so directly. They ate, drank wine, and chatted happily. Then he said to the Duke, "If your highness is willing to give me a small reward, could I sing a song?" The Duke agreed. Yanzi then started passionately singing a sad song: "The people sing: cold water soaks my clothes, making me so cold. Oh how helpless I am. Those in the imperial palace are living an extravagant life, while us common folk are withering. I can barely survive, what to do?" At the end of the song, Yanzi was weeping and sighing. Seeing this, the Duke got up, walked over, and said, "Why are you so sad? Is it because of the pavilion project? I will order for them to stop working right away." Hearing this, Yanzi got up and thanked the Duke graciously. The next day, he bid farewell to the Duke. After that, he rushed to the construction site. When he arrived, he did not say "OK everyone, I told the Duke, we can all go home now." That would have been taking all the glory for himself. Instead, he took out a whip and started whipping the workers, saying, "You people already have your own shelter. The Duke asked you all to work together to build a pavilion for him, and you're still not finished. What good are you? Get to work!" All the workers were shocked and thought Yanzi had gone mad. Yanzi then left the site to go home since he knew that news was on the way from the Duke. Soon after, a messenger from the Duke arrived at the site to tell everyone that the Duke had ordered for the construction to stop, so everyone can return home. As a result, everyone cheered and was extremely grateful towards the Duke. Commentary I reflected on two big morals from Yanzi's story: Be tactful, not blunt, when telling others their faults Take blame and give glory Image Sources: 1, 2, 3 1: Tactful Admonishment Via Blaming Yourself When Yanzi returned to the palace, he didn't bluntly say to the Duke, "The people are upset at you. You need to order for the construction to stop." I am a very blunt person, so I probably would have said something like that. But that creates opposition between me and the other person. It is also arrogant, as if I have the right to be telling my superior what he should do. Yanzi's method was to sing a song after drinking some wine, and through the song lyrics express the people's suffering. Then he cried and wept for the people to elicit sympathy from the Duke. This makes it seem like the problem is on himself for being too emotional, and the Duke can be a hero by helping him and the people relieve their suffering. The Duke is then happy to help, and in doing so, correct his mistake of being ignorant and unsympathetic before. 2: Take Blame and Give Glory Most people hate to take blame and prefer glory. But Yanzi took blame that he didn't "deserve" and gave glory away that he "deserved." Such a secret could not be held forever. Eventually, people realized what Yanzi did, and as a result, everyone respected Yanzi even more, and his story has been passed down for 2500 years to this day! If he had given the Duke his "deserved" blame and taken his "deserved" glory, he would only have gotten small, short-term benefit. Therefore, wise people think about the long-term and benefiting the greater good, not short-term self-benefit. My Experience Tactful Admonishment Via Blaming Yourself As a teacher, I've had to teach many online classes due to the pandemic. My school requires students to turn on their video cameras in class, but many students don't, or they turn on the camera, but the camera angle is facing the ceiling, so I cannot see their face. (Yes those are my actual students) Perhaps they just woke up and their hair looks messy, or they want to do other things on the computer rather than pay attention in class, or they are just too shy to show their face. Regardless, it is frustrating for the teacher when we call on a student, their video is off, and they don't respond. Like most teachers, I've tried the method of telling the students multiple times to please turn on their cameras because it is the school rules. It works the first couple of times, but it creates opposition. I feel bad doing it, and the students are resentful. In the future, they just don't listen at all. Recently, I tried a more tactful method. I talked to students after class one-on-one in a private room, and I asked them why they didn't show their face in class. Many students said they are shy. I then said, "I'm sorry, but I lack confidence, so when I cannot see my students nodding or looking at me, I feel very nervous, like I am a bad teacher, like I am so boring that students don't even want to look at me. So could you please turn your camera on and look at me during class to help me feel more confident?" I also addressed their concern and said, "I know you are shy, but it is okay. Most students are shy. But we are here to learn, we are not here to look at other students. Most of the time, students are too busy listening to the teacher and taking notes rather than looking at you. So no one is staring at you except me, and I am only looking at you for my confidence, I am not judging your looks." After this, the student would typically turn their camera on and adjust the angle so that I could see their face, and they had no resentment. To give another quick example, I remember listening to a lecture once, and suddenly there was a big sound outside. Everyone started looking at the door window instead of at the speaker. The speaker said, "Everyone, please look at me. Otherwise, you'll hurt this small, sensitive heart of mine." Giving Glory After my summer workshop, I spent quite some time to create a summary document of all the things I learned. I sent it to my team leader to check, and she said it looked good. I was about to send the notes to my classmates and say, "Hey, I summarized some notes, maybe they can help you review too." But then I remembered Yanzi, so I changed my message to, "Hey, I summarized some notes, and our team leader approved them. Maybe they can help you review." This way, I gave some of the glory away to my team leader. I also set an example of asking the team leader to check things before sharing them with others. To give another example, when I go out with my friends, I will ask my mom if there is anything from the garden I could give them. In the past, I would tell my friends that I wanted to give them some garden veggies (which are a hundred times for flavorful than grocer store veggies). Image Source Now, I will say my mom planted these and wanted to give them to you. This way, they feel gratitude towards my mom (whom they are less familiar with) rather than me (who they are already close with). It is a much better allocation of gratitude. Conclusion In the future, I will be on the lookout for more opportunities to take blame and give glory. This would have sounded strange if you told me this a month ago, but now I understand it is the wise thing to do. How can you tactfully ask someone to change by taking blame? How you give more glory to others? Weekly Wisdom Newsletter #201 Interested in receiving Weekly Wisdoms in your email? You can subscribe here.

Have you ever harmed a relationship or spoiled an opportunity because you couldn't endure or control To succeed in any relationship, we need to endure impoliteness and conflicts by being patient, tolerant joy Endure through compassion These six methods are mainly related to enduring anger and conflict in relationships After all, the longevity of a relationship is less dependent on how much you appreciate each other's

I'm a pretty introverted person who doesn't have many close friends, but I hope that I can be a good friend to those that I'm close with. Growing up, I always thought that people who share similar interests and hobbies make good friends because it's easy for you to talk and do stuff together. But now I realize there's a big hole in that logic. The purpose of friendship isn't to talk and do stuff together. That's just avoiding boredom. The purpose of friendship should be to support each other along the journey of life. Image Source: Unsplash Recently, I learned about the Buddha's standards for being a good friend from this talk by Venerable Jing Kong, and I find these standards to be highly logical and useful. The talk is in Chinese, so I'll translate it here. The Buddha gave five responsibilities that friends ought to fulfill: 1: Friends should advise each other to correct faults and bad habits. If we see a friend do something bad and we don't say anything, then we have not acted as a true friend. However, we must advise them with good etiquette. For example, we should advise them in private, not in front of others. We can advise them on the same fault up to three times, no more. Otherwise they may resent you. 2: If our friend encounters difficulty or illness, we ought to help in any way we can. For example, we can help them find a good doctor or fix unhealthy habits if they want to. 3: Friends should not gossip, expose private shame, or speak ill words of each other towards other people. If our friends have bad behavior, we can advise them privately, but we should not speak of their faults to others. 4: Friends should have mutual respect, keep consistent communication, and let go of any resentment. Remember each other's gratitude, not wrongdoings. Everyone makes mistakes, especially when younger and immature. They didn't know any better. We should often think of their gratitude and let go of any resentment. 5: If wealth levels differ, friends should help each other, not resent or slander each other. Friends with more wealth should help, not look down on, friends with less wealth when they are in need. Friends with less wealth should not resent or be jealous of friends with more wealth. Self-Reflection: Upon learning these five responsibilities, I realized I have quite some improvements to make, such as Advising friends on correcting bad habits: When I saw a friend started smoking, I didn't say anything. Not gossiping: I shouldn't talk about people's personal lives when they are not there. Keeping consistent communication: I've gone months without messaging my friends. Oops. I didn't know any better before, but thankfully now I know and can improve. Hopefully this information will help you create better friendships too!