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It's Thanksgiving tomorrow in Canada, so this article will be about the topic of giving thanks. Image Source: Unsplash During the summer at my school, we had a two week summer camp. One of my camp students made cookies for all the teachers. Or to be more accurate, he made cookies at home, and then his mom suggested that he give some cookies to the teachers. He was a bit reluctant at first because he felt like the cookies would become cold and hard by the time the teachers ate them the next day, but his mom assured him that it's fine, that it's the thought that matters most, and that the cookies will still be delicious.   The next day, this student gave some of the cookies to some teachers that he saw. His mother is also a volunteer helper at our summer camp, so during break, she shared the cookies with other teachers in the staff room. Image Source: Unsplash  When I ate one, I told her, "Oh these cookies are really good!"  She then explained to me how her son was worried that it would become cold and hard and wouldn't taste as good. I said, "Oh he is so thoughtful! But the cookies are indeed still delicious."   A few days later, I heard the mother say to her son, "Why don't you bake some more cookies for the teachers?"  He said, "No,"  and walked away. I was quite surprised. His mother then explained to me, "He doesn't think anyone liked his cookies because no one came up to him later to tell him that his cookies were delicious or that they really appreciated the cookies."   When I heard this, I felt surprised at first, but as I thought about it some more, it made sense. I'm sure when he gave cookies personally to some teachers, they said "Thank you" . The problem is, this "Thank you"  is rather scripted and expected, so it doesn't hold much sincerity and weight. As a result, the student didn't feel assured that the teachers truly appreciated his cookies.   Moreover, although we liked the cookies, none of us thought to go up to him afterwards to tell him that we really liked the cookies. A key word is "afterwards". Again, if we eat the cookie right when he gives it to us, and we say, "Oh this tastes good!" , it's rather scripted; after all, what else would anyone say? No one would be impolite and say it doesn't taste good, so he can't be sure that we truly liked the cookies.   From this experience, I learned that if we truly want others to feel appreciated for giving us something, we should wait until afterwards to give them a very specific thank-you message. If I could go back in time, I would go up to that student after school and tell him, "Thank you for the cookies! I really like how soft they were, and the sweetness was just the right amount." This kind of specific praise after the event conveys true sincerity and appreciation.   I also admire how this student didn't just take it for granted that others should like his cookies, but instead observed everyone's response afterwards to confirm. If nobody went up to him afterwards to tell him how much they liked it, then it probably means that they only liked the cookies a little bit, or perhaps they took the cookies out of politeness, but they didn't really want the cookies. In this case, it's probably not worth it to spend the time to make another batch.   On a related note, I once heard someone say that if a person brings you a gift unexpectedly, don't look for a return gift right away. Wait until later to visit them and bring a gift. It left a deep impression on me because on my street, many people plant a vegetable garden, including my mother. Sometimes, neighbors will bring vegetables to us, and we would often immediately find some vegetables to give back to them from our backyard.   Image Source: Unsplash Now, I'm not saying this is wrong. It's good and natural for us to give something back from our own garden. It's certainly more polite than not giving anything in return. But perhaps an even higher level of etiquette would be to give them a sincere "thank you" with a smile, and then bring our vegetables to their house on a future day, and praise the vegetables that they gave us earlier.   If we look for something to give back to them right away, it almost feels like we don't want to "owe" them a gift, so we want to give them back something as soon as possible. At the core, this is self-centeredness, whereas the core of etiquette is others-centeredness. If we are focused on others' feelings, then we'd happily receive their gift because that's what would make them happy. Then we wait until later to give a return gift and give a specific praise about the past gift they gave us; in this way, they would know for sure that we truly appreciated and liked the gift.   Conclusion When someone does something nice for us, go beyond the scripted "thank-you" to express our appreciation, especially if we'd like them to do more of it. As the giver, don't take it for granted that others should like our gift; be sure to observe their response afterwards. Weekly Wisdom #363

In his best-selling book Principles , multibillionaire Ray Dalio talks about the importance of knowing the objective strengths and weaknesses of yourself and others. To quote his words, “Just as people have different physical traits, people also have different psychological traits. Since our brains are biologically different, we all experience reality in different ways, and any one way is actually distorted. By getting multiple perspectives, we get closer to truth. The better we know ourselves, the better we can recognize our blind spots and what we can or cannot change about ourselves. The better we know other people, the better we can predict their behavior and performance on certain tasks.” —Ray Dalio Ray Dalio uses psychometric assessments, and 16 Personalities is a great one because it is free and offers highly detailed insights. You can learn all about the 16 Personalities framework on their website , but my goal with this article is to summarize the key details, as well as real life examples to add color to the theory. Image Source This post will talk about Why personality profiles so useful Personality Traits in 1 6 Personalities The Four Roles The Four Strategies How I’ve used 16 Personalities in my life Frequently Asked Questions (You can click on a title to jump to that section) Part 1: Why Personality Profiles are so Useful Knowing your personality profile is extremely useful for three reasons: Self-Understanding : You can learn your objective strengths and weaknesses and those of others. Convenient : It’s a fast way to get a deep understanding of someone. Harmony : You can more easily embrace people’s differences rather than complain about them. First, you learn about your objective strengths and weaknesses. Successful and happy people invest most their time and energy into their strengths. As for weaknesses, they just have to patch them up to the point where it’s not hindering their ability to pursue their strengths. All of this requires you to actually KNOW your strengths and weaknesses! As Dr. Alan Zimmerman said, "The more you know yourself, the more your can grow yourself." Most people only have a rough idea of a couple of strengths and weaknesses. But your personality profile gives you a detailed list with multiple strengths and weaknesses. When you read your strengths and weaknesses you probably think, “ Oh yeah that’s true. ” You might even think you don’t need a personality test to tell you. But if you didn’t read it, you wouldn’t have thought of all those strengths and weaknesses yourself. THAT’s why reading your personality profile is extremely valuable. With that knowledge, you can take steps towards optimizing your life for the better. Second, it’s a fast way to get a deep understanding of someone. Have you ever wished you could understand someone quickly? For example, maybe you have a new colleague or a new boss. It only takes 10-15 minutes for someone to do the personality survey and tell you their results. When you know their personality profile, you can predict their thinking and behavior. That means you can stop viewing people as “ super-hard-to-understand creatures ” and start seeing them as “ just another one of those. ” Third, when you understand yourself and others, it’s much easier to accept and embrace other people’s differences rather than fight over them. If you’re like me, you’ve wondered, “ Why are people so strange? Why aren’t people more like me? ” After learning about 16 Personalities, you realize people aren’t strange; they are predictable. And people aren’t more similar to you because their personality is different from yours. You understand their values (what’s important to them in life), and you learn to predict their behavior. This one is huge! Before learning about 16 Personalities, I would always think, “ Why can’t that person be as reliable/trustworthy/logical/whatever like me? ” After learning about 16 Personalities, I now think, “ That’s just her personality. You can’t change that about her. Plus, that personality trait has these strengths which are my weaknesses. ” I can also predict people’s thinking and behavior, so I don’t get annoyed or shocked when they do something that I previously would have thought, “ Why would anyone do that? ” Ultimately, understanding others allows us to stop always thinking about their weaknesses and why they annoy us, and instead focus on their strengths and how we can bring out more of their strengths in our relationship. When we focus on their strengths, we naturally will have a better, happier, and more productive relationship with them. Now that we’ve looked at why 16 Personalities is so useful, let’s get into the details of the test. Part 2: Personality Traits in 16 Personalities The 16 Personality test is a comprehensive personality test that measures five personality traits: Introverted versus Extraverted Observant versus Intuitive (or in simple words, Practical versus Imaginative) Thinking versus Feeling (or in simple words, Logical versus Emotional) Judging versus Prospecting (or in simple words, Planning versus Spontaneous) Assertive versus Turbulent (or in simple words, Self-assured versus Self-conscious) To find out your personality type, take the test here: English: https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test Chinese: https://www.16personalities.com/ch/ Given these 5 traits, there are a total of 32 possible combinations. The way 16 Personalities organizes these possible combinations is into 16 personality profiles. Each profile uses the first 4 traits, and then the 5th trait is added on at the end. So you can get a result like INTJ-T, which means Introverted, Intuitive, Thinking, Judging, and Turbulent. INTJ is the personality profile. The “-T” is the additional add-on to the profile. Here is an overview of the 16 personality profiles: Image Source For the sake of time, I’m not going to go into the details for each of the 16 profiles (and certainly not the 32 possible combinations). I think it’s plenty enough to cover the 4 roles and the 4 strategies. Then you can read the profiles that interest you (probably your profile and those of a few close family members and friends). Alright, let’s get into the 5 traits. Trait 1: Introverted versus Extraverted This trait determines how we interact with our environment. Specifically, it determines what kind of environment energizes us and what kind of environment drains us. A lot of people misunderstand introversion and extraversion. They think that someone who likes to talk a lot is extraverted, and someone who is quiet is introverted. That’s not necessarily true. Introverted people lose energy from being with a group of people that they are not familiar with . In order to replenish their energy, they have to have alone time. Introverted people can be very talkative and energetic when they are just with a few close friends. Extraverted people gain energy from being with a group of people that they are not familiar with. They enjoy that social interaction. Being alone makes them lose energy and get restless. It’s very useful to know if someone is introverted or extraverted because the workplace and society is always full of social activities. Extraverts love them and will go to as many as they can. Introverts literally lose energy going to them, so they have to be selective. Introverts are great at sitting down alone and working or studying. Extraverts literally lose energy if they try to do that. That’s why they need to get up and go somewhere with people and talk to people to recover their energy. Once people understand this, they stop judging each other on their differences. Trait 2: Observant versus Intuitive This trait determines how we process information. Out of the five traits, this trait is probably the most difficult to understand. Observant people are highly practical and concrete, whereas Intuitive people are very imaginative and curious . Observant people like to focus on what is, while Intuitive people like to think about what could be. Intuitive people enjoy talking about what-if scenarios, while observant people see that as a waste of time. Observant people prefer to have habits, while Intuitive people prefer novelty . If you ask an Observant person, “ What do you want to do this weekend? ”, she might say, “ The usual. I need to clean the house and go to the park. ” Her answer is very practical and reflects her habits. If you ask an Intuitive person, “ What do you want to do this weekend? ”, he might say, “ Hmmm, I’d love to go watch a movie. There are so many good movies choices right now ." His answer is very open-minded and focuses on novelty. Observant people might get annoyed and Intuitive people for being so unpractical and having weak habits, while Intuitive people get annoyed at Observant people for being so boring and too routine-focused. Observant people might also get frustrated at Intuitive types for implicating hidden meanings all the time, while Intuitive types might get frustrated at Observant types for being so numb to hidden or deeper meanings. Making good decisions requires creativity first to think of many options and possibilities. Then picking the best option requires practicality. If these two types can work together, they can make better decisions. Trait 3: Thinking versus Feeling This trait determines how we make decisions and handle emotions. Thinking-types are focused on logic . When making decisions, they prioritize logic over emotions. They tend to hide their feelings, and they view efficiency as more important than harmony with others. Feeling-types are focused on emotions and feelings . They are emotionally sensitive and expressive. They view harmony as more important than competition. Thinking-types might get annoyed at feeling types for being so illogical, while Feeling-types might get annoyed at Thinking-types for being cold and emotionally insensitive. For example, let’s say John is a Thinking-type and Mary is a Feeling-Type. Mary asks John, “ How does this dress look on me? ” John says, “ Don’t buy it. It makes you look fat. ” Mary gets upset and complains that John is so emotionally stupid. John gets upset and complains that Mary is too illogical. To make good decisions, often both logic and emotions are needed. If these two types could get along better, they would make better decisions together. Trait 4: Judging versus Prospecting This trait determines how we like to work. Judging-types like to make plans . They are very organized, and they want predictability and stability. They hate it when unexpected things come up that breaks their plan. Prospecting-types like to be spontaneous . They go with the flow. They’ll deal with whatever comes up when it comes up. They are like to keep their options open and improvise on-the-spot. Judging-types might get annoyed at Prospecting-types for being irresponsible and never planning things out. Prospect-types might get annoyed at Judging-types for being so rigid and unopen to the full experience of life. If these two types could collaborate, then the Judging-type can make the plan, and then the Prospecting-type can improvise on-the-spot when unexpected changes happen. Trait 5: Assertive versus Turbulent This trait shows how confident we are in our abilities and decisions. It is highly related to self-esteem (how we feel about ourselves). Assertive people are self-assured and resistant to stress . They don’t worry too much, and they don’t push themselves too hard to achieve things. Turbulent people are very self-conscious and sensitive to stress. They are very perfectionistic and eager to improve. They are likely to experience emotional roller-coasters (high ups and low downs). Assertive people might think that Turbulent people worry too much and are too critical of themselves and others. Turbulent people might think Assertive people are too self-confident and too laid back. Ultimately, we need a balance between self-confidence and the caution. Now that you know about the 5 personality traits in the 16 Personalities test, you can already see how useful it is to know your individual traits for each of the five. But we can get even more useful information when we combine the traits together. Part 3: The Four Roles Your 16 Personalities Role tells you about your goals, interests, values, and preferred activities. There are four roles (personality groups): Analysts [_ N T _ -_] ————— logical and enterprising Diplomats [_ N F _ -_] ———— compassionate and caring Sentinels [_ S _ J -_] ————— hardworking and dutiful Explorers [_ S _ P -_] ————— curious and fun-seeking Here is an overview of the four roles: Analysts The four Analyst profiles: Analysts all have the intuitive and thinking traits . They value logic, curiosity, independence, and problem-solving. They focus on logic when making decisions. They have a strong drive to learn and improve on their flaws. They are very selective about their friends and would rather spend time alone than with someone who isn’t compatible with them. They like to solve problems and are very confident in their problem-solving abilities. Analysts are strong at logical problem-solving, taking initiative, and finding creative solutions. The main challenge for Analysts is social relationships and maintaining harmony. Diplomats The four Diplomat profiles: Diplomats all have the intuitive and feeling traits . They value social connection, harmony, belonging, altruism (taking care of others and the world), justice, and purpose. They would rather cooperate than compete with others. They seek to make the world a better place. They can see beauty in life, and they get inspired by art, music, and theater. Diplomats need feelings of belonging and worry about being alone. They want to have a partner and a few good friends. Diplomats are strong at empathy and counseling. They bring warmth and harmony to people. A big challenge for Diplomats is to balance being real and authentic with their desire to belong. They are also very idealistic, and their high expectations for themselves and others can set themselves up for disappointment. They also struggle to just take action because they spend so much time in their imagination. Sentinels The four Sentinel profiles: Sentinels all have the observant and judging (planning) traits . They value cooperation, practicality, stability, wisdom, kindness, carefulness, and planning ahead. Sentinels work hard and get things done on time. They strive to never let others down, and they take pride in their character and competence. They are self-motivated and they hope to offer stability and wisdom to others. Sentinels are great at being reliable, caring, and conscientious. They are also great at planning. Sentinels are weak in situations without clear rules or in fast-changing situations. They also tend to be stubborn and don’t like drama in relationships. Sentinels often expect others to be just as conscientious and reliable as them, and this unrealistic expectation can set themselves up for disappointment. Explorers The four Explorer profiles: Explorers all have the observant and prospecting (spontaneous) traits . They value self-reliance, adaptability, quick-thinking, novelty, and fun. Unlike the other types, Explorers love handling uncertain situations. They usually just want something to work rather than making it perfect, but if they get really interested in something, they can get extremely focused on the details. They enjoy learning about different tools and techniques, from instruments to emergency response techniques. They look for balance between work and leisure. Explorers are strong at quick-thinking and bringing fun and excitement to relationships. When they are very passionate about something, they will devote 100% effort to it. Explorers are weak at planning for the future. They often like to take risks just for the fun of it. They are also weaker in rigid environments such as school because they find these environments too boring and restrictive. Part 4: The Four Strategies Your 16 Personalities Strategy tells you how you prefer to do things and achieve goals. There are four strategies: Confident Individualism [I _ _ _ -A] ———— private and self-assured People Mastery [E _ _ _-A] ———————— outgoing and confident Constant Improvement [I _ _ _-T] ————— introspective and sensitive Social Engagement [E _ _ _-T] —————— friendly and driven Here is an overview of the four strategies: Confident Individualism Confident Individualists have the introverted and assertive traits. They have trust in themselves and their abilities, and they don’t feel the need to show-off or prove themselves to other people. They value independence and prefer working alone rather than working in groups. Confident Individualists are strong at independence and self-confidence. On the flip side, their self-assuredness can lead to complacency. Since they don’t push others to change, they also don’t want others to push them to change. People Mastery People Mastery types have the extraverted and assertive traits. They are energized by social interactions and challenging experiences. They enjoy traveling to see new things, people, and places. They see problems and opportunities and they like to team up with others to chase those opportunities. These people need to find a healthy balance between their ambition and seeking social connection. Although they don’t need people’s approval, they still do want it from close family and friends. People Mastery types are great and handling stress and having courage to face challenges and criticisms. They are also great at collaborating with people and helping them bring out their strengths. A weakness for them is that they can get overconfident in themselves and push themselves past their limits. People Mastery types say what they think and say what they think. They are very real and honest, which can be both good and bad. It’s important for them to learn to speak honestly without being rude. Constant Improvement Constant Improvers have the introverted and turbulent traits. They are sensitive people who enjoy having their own space and freedom. They get stressed out when dealing with tense environments or new situations. They might feel that something is missing from their lives, even if their lives are fine in reality. Constant Improvers have a strong drive to do well (a strength), but that comes with a strong fear of failure (a weakness). They view success and perfection as a big part of their identity, so even small mistakes can be emotionally crushing for them, and they tend to dwell on past mistakes for a long time. Constant Improvers are also very sensitive, which again can be a strength and a weakness. As a strength, they are great listeners and friends. As a weakness, they get insecure over other people’s opinions; 96% of Constant Improvers say that they feel misunderstood. To excel, Constant Improvers need to learn to trust themselves as much as they trust other people’s opinions. They hope to get rewards, awards, recognition, and positive feedback for their good work. Social Engagement Social Engagers have the extraverted and turbulent traits. They tend to act fast with their gut feeling and then think about it later. They enjoy social status and being the center of attention. They are energized by interacting with others and they love it when they help make other people’s day better. Social Engagers are strong at helping others and being bold. One weakness is that Social Engagers might hide their true selves and pretend to be someone else to impress others. The interesting thing about Social Engagers is that their extraversion and turbulent traits kind of go against each other. Extraversion brings confidence and boldness, whereas Turbulence brings self-doubt and caution. When Social Engagers get better at using managing themselves, they can use their extraversion to get over self-doubt, and they can use their turbulence to be more careful. Part 5: How I’ve Used 16 Personalities in My Own Life I’ve used 16 Personalities to Better understand myself Improve harmony with others Quickly learn about new people I meet Better Understand Myself Before I took personality tests seriously, I wasn’t crystal clear on my strengths and weaknesses. I remember preparing for interviews, and one of the questions that I had to prepare an answer for was “ Tell me about your strengths and weaknesses. ” I knew I’m very hardworking, but I also felt like everyone is hardworking. I also knew I’m logical. That’s about it. As for weaknesses, it was very hard to think of any. I was like most people, unaware of my weaknesses. After I learned that I’m ISTJ-T, I learned that my strengths are honest and direct, strong-willed and dutiful, very responsible, calm and practical, orderly, jack-of-all-trades. When I read the list, I thought, “ Oh yeah that’s really true! ” Then I read my weaknesses: stubborn, insensitive, always by the book, judgmental, often unreasonably blame themselves. When I read the list, I thought, “ Oh actually a lot of people have told me I’m stubborn. I used to think others are illogical so I kept trying to rationalize with them. I guess that’s why they see me as stubborn and insensitive. I am quite by-the-book. I do get annoyed by people a lot and can’t understand them. I do blame myself a lot. ” Now that I know my strengths, I focus on them. I tell my manager and colleagues that I’m very dependable and hardworking. Before, I felt like it was pointless and empty to say such a thing because I thought everyone tries to be dependable and hardworking. But now I realize that my personality type is especially dependable and hardworking, much more so than the other personality types. So I feel very comfortable and even obliged to make my strengths known so that I can contribute my best to the team. Now that I know my weaknesses, I try to catch myself falling prey to them. For example, if someone starts disagreeing with me, before I would have instinctively started debated logic with them. But I’ve now practiced focusing on harmony over being right. In fact, I adopted the motto that harmony is always right. That comes naturally to a Feeling-type. I’m a Thinking-type, so I had to practice it to be able to do it consistently. I’m also a turbulent type so I’ve had to learn and practice creating a stable self-esteem. For example, I’ve had to learn and practice to focus on effort and growth instead of results. I’ve had to learn and practice getting clear on my values and judging myself on my values instead of by what others think of me. Whereas an assertive type naturally doesn’t worry too much about what others think. That brings me to another point. When reading my personality profile, I got clear on some of my natural values. Before doing this personality test, I set some values for myself like respect, excellence, growth, responsibility and service. Then I read that Sentinels value cooperation, practicality, stability, wisdom, kindness, carefulness, and planning ahead. I thought, “ Oh wow. True. I didn’t think of those when making my list, but I do indeed care about those a lot. ” The values that I set actually match the values of Sentinels really well, and that’s not a lucky coincidence. I think many people are not clear on their values, so knowing which role and profile you are is a great tool to help you get clear on them. Increase Harmony with Others It’s not easy to guess someone’s personality profile, so you’re better off just asking them to do the survey, which only takes 10–15 minutes anyway. A lot of conflict happens in relationships because of unrealistic or ungrounded expectations for each other. For example, a Sentinel type might get unhappy at an Explorer type for not being reliable and staying true to their word. An Explorer type might get unhappy at a Sentinel type for being too rigid and by-the-book. Once we understand that our brains are wired differently, resulting in different personalities, with different strengths and weaknesses, we stop expecting others to be someone they are not. Below are some examples of people who I’ve analyzed and had a better relationship with as a result. I could list many examples, but I think three should be enough. Example 1: Turbulent Advocate (INFJ-T) Family Member A family member often clings to past disappointments and exaggerates the emotional impact of those events. I got annoyed that this person kept doing it. Then I read the person’s profile: INFJ-T. The profile literally says: “Turbulent Advocates are more willing to exaggerate the impact of something that bothers them or hurts the people they care about. People with this personality type often interpret things as being far worse than they are. But such exaggeration is rarely on purpose or about dishonesty. It’s more a reflection of their tendency to hold more negative views of things.” Wow. Before, I thought, “ Why is this person always bringing up the past and making it seem like such a big deal? ” Now, I think, “ Oh look, it’s that weakness of the Turbulent Advocate personality. It’s not right or wrong. That person has strengths that go along with that weakness. That person is altruistic and creative and passionate. ” Example 2: Turbulent Debater (ENTP-T) Friend This friend often seeks social activities, which I never understood until I learned about introversion versus extraversion. As an introvert, I can stay at home alone for a week with no problems. But now I know that extraverts would find that extremely stressful. They seek social contact and external stimulation to keep their batteries charged. This friend also always has many ideas, and he loved debating the pros and cons of different ideas. But he’s very slow to act on his ideas. He also gets bored easily. Later, when I read his profile, it literally says “Very Argumentative — If there’s anything Debaters enjoy, it’s the mental exercise of debating an idea.” “Can Find It Difficult to Focus — The same flexibility that allows Debaters to come up with such original plans and ideas makes them readapt perfectly good ones far too often, or to even drop them entirely as the initial excitement wanes and newer thoughts come along. Boredom comes too easily for Debaters, and fresh thoughts are the solution, though not always a helpful one.” Funnily enough, when I told him about his personality characteristics, he literally started debating about whether those are true or not. From reading his profile, I also became more aware of his strengths. He’s very fast thinker, energetic, and charismatic. These are all traits I don’t have, so when we work together, we can complement each other, especially now that I’m aware of our different strengths and appreciate them. Example 3: Turbulent Adventurer (ISFP-T) Colleague This colleague often attended informal workplace social events even when he didn’t want to. I couldn’t understand. He also often cancelled plans last minute or invited me to last minute plans. When I found out about his personality profile, I understood: The Turbulent aspect makes him care a lot about what other people think The Explorer aspect makes him seek fun and novelty The Prospecting aspect makes him very spontaneous and unpredictable By reading his profile, I also became more aware of his strengths: artistic (he sings and writes songs), charming, and imaginative. These are all weaknesses for me, so we complement each other well. He also often talks about doing things like opening a hammock café or making a career out of voice acting, which is his hobby. As a Judging type, I keep trying to get him to make a plan or schedule for when he will get into voice acting. But he’s a Prospecting type, so it’s not very useful for me to keep pushing him to plan. Now that I understand these differences between our personality, I don’t have any ungrounded expectations for him. Part 6: Frequently Asked Questions Question 1: When I do the 16 Personalities test multiple times, I get different results. Can I be fall into multiple profiles? The short answer is no. The longer answer is, most people fit firmly into one profile, while some people might have some characteristics of a second profile. Firstly, it’s very important that you answer the questions honestly and not answer what you think you should say or what you ideally want to be. Just be completely honest. I actually suggest doing the test multiple times and see how consistent your results are. Secondly, people exhibit characteristics of their profile to different degrees. For example, let’s say Person A is 51% Introverted, 51% Observant, 51% Thinking, and 51% Judging, and Person B is 88% Introverted, 88% Observant, 88% Thinking, and 88% Judging. Both of them are ISTJ, so both of them are Logisticians. But Person B exhibits the characteristics of Logistician much more. Now, most people will probably be obviously more dominant in most of the 5 traits, but perhaps in 1 or maybe 2 of the traits, they’ll fall closer to the 50/50 split. Question 2: The personality profile result I get doesn’t seem to accurately describe me. Is the test wrong? It’s probably not the test that is inaccurate but more likely your answers were inaccurate. People might get inaccurate results because they misunderstood questions in the test, which then resulted in them picking answers that doesn’t truly reflect themselves. If your results don’t seem accurate, try to do the test again and go slower, making sure you understand each question. Other times, people might choose an answer that they think should be the answer rather than just being completely honest. In that case, re-do the test and just be completely honest with your answers. Also, if any of your 5 traits fall close to the 50/50 mark, try looking at the other profile. For example, if you are INFJ, but you are 55% I and 45%E, and you feel like the INFJ profile doesn’t fit you, try looking at the ENFJ profile. That one might fit you much better. Question 3: Can people’s personality change over time? Most likely not. People can compensate for their traits, but they can’t change their inherent nature. For example, someone who is a Thinking type can learn emotional intelligence, but they are still naturally a Thinking type; their first instinct is to use logic. Another example: someone who is an introvert can learn social skills and appear to be an extrovert, but at the end of the day, they will get drained by all those social interactions and need alone time to recharge. Question 4: So, if I know someone’s 16 Personalities profile, does that mean I know pretty much everything about their personality? No. While 16 Personalities is comprehensive, it doesn’t tell you everything about them. To get an even better understanding of people, you should learn about their values. For example, a Debater who values being of service to others will behave differently from a Debater who values looking smart. Another useful personality framework I use in conjunction with 16 Personalities is the Four Tendencies. That framework looks specifically at how people respond to expectations.

This past week at lunch time, a student got really upset and cried because of vegetables on his pasta. In the moment, I laughed and thought, "Seriously? What a strange and small thing to cry over."   Later at a staff meeting, this student's homeroom teacher talked about the situation and her understanding of why this student had a meltdown over what seemed like a small and silly thing to most people. From her explanation, I felt ashamed of myself for being so inconsiderate towards this child that I would laugh at him. Although it wasn't a mocking type of laugh, it was still a chuckle, which means I didn't take his feelings seriously, and that's disrespectful.   Someone once asked Confucius, "What is one word that a person can hold dear for all of one's life?"   Confucius replied, "Wouldn't that be reciprocity? What you do not wish for yourself, don't do to others."   There have been times when I was emotional over something and really wanted someone else to understand, but they didn't give me understanding, and instead negated my feelings. That felt terrible. Similarly in this situation, this student is having a small meltdown. It doesn’t matter what the matter is, his emotions are real, and I should understand that everyone has their reasons for feeling the way they feel. Just because I don't understand their thinking doesn't mean they lack reason, and it's certainly not right to laugh at them.   From this situation, I also learned that I can't use my own experiences and way of thinking to judge others. I really have to try to see things from their perspective and relate to them using analogies that I can understand. If I lack information to understand their perspective, then the least I should do is withhold judgment until I can gather more information.   Image Source So what caused this student to cry over vegetables on pasta? Many factors.   For context, my school serves lunch to students who ordered lunch, but the school only provides vegetarian options. The student mentioned earlier is a new student, and his doctor said he is a bit overweight, so his mother ordered vegetarian lunches for him for health reasons. I've seen him bring unhealthy snacks to school, so I can infer that he eats a lot of junk food, and these foods are very tasty and addictive.   I'm also guessing that his mother didn't get her son's consent to eat vegetarian lunches every day. After all,  he complained many times that the food isn't tasty, and we told him, "If you don't like it, you can ask your mom to bring you your own lunch. But currently, your mom paid for vegetarian lunches, so that's what we will give you."   As an aside, I've also told this student before, "It's very rude for you to criticize the school's food in front of others. The school doesn't have to provide food for you. It's only because some parents are too busy to cook and asked the school to provide food that we do it. It's very rude and ungrateful to complain when others are trying to help you and your parents. Moreover, the school tries hard to provide a range of delicious vegetarian options. Everyone else enjoys the food, so maybe the problem isn't the food, but rather your own pickiness."   Another aside: When I found out that his mother is forcing him to eat vegetarian lunches but still giving him unhealthy snacks, I felt this was a bit hypocritical. She gets to give her son unhealthy snacks, so her son likes her, but then she makes the school give vegetarian food, so the school has to deal with all of her son's complaints. Isn't that making others take the blame for your own decision?   But then I told myself again, everyone has their reasons for doing what they do. I then thought about it some more. If I were in that mother's situation, why might I do what she did? Then a reason came clearly to me. Perhaps she tried to negotiate with her son to eat healthier, and her son argued back a lot, saying he doesn't want to. So in order to come to an agreement, she told him he can still eat snacks as long as he eats vegetarian lunches.     Back to the student. Given that he is being forced against his will to eat vegetarian, and that he might have withdrawal symptoms from not eating the junk food that he used to eat, I can start to understand why he'd get so emotional over vegetables. It's sort of like someone being forced to stop smoking when they're addicted; it takes a big emotional toll!   But there's more. The day of his meltdown was a Friday, and the Friday previous, the school gave pizza, and he was really happy that day. He thought every Friday would be pizza day, so he was looking forward to pizza the next Friday. When he arrived at school in the morning, he immediately said, " Today's pizza day, right? " But the teachers said, " We don't know. " Later at lunch time, when he found out it's not pizza, but rather pasta, he already started tearing up. I can imagine if I was looking forward to something for a whole week, and I had to endure a week of suffering for it, then to suddenly find out it's not happening, I'd feel upset too.   Then he saw a staff member put vegetables onto the pasta, and then he had a meltdown and started bawling, "How can you put vegetables on pasta! You can't do that! That's just wrong! I can't eat that!" Although I really do not agree that putting vegetables on pasta is wrong, I also should not use my experiences and way of thinking to judge others. I should instead try to relate to others by analogy.   Everyone has their own food preferences, and people tend to feel very strongly about food too. Some people think putting pineapple on pizza is just wrong; others love it. Some people love durian; others can't stand it. Well, it turns out some people think putting vegetables on pasta is just wrong; others think it's fine. I don't have to feel the same way towards vegetables on pasta as him, but I should at least acknowledge that his feelings are valid, and they have a legitimate reason.   I then thought of a food that disgusted me, and I thought of natto, which is a sort of fermented soybean that is really gooey and strange-tasting (at least to me). Although I think it's not tasty, some people actually like it; otherwise, it wouldn't be popular enough to be sold in restaurants and grocery stores. There isn't a definitive right or wrong here; it's all just personal preference. So perhaps seeing vegetables being put on his pasta would be like me seeing natto being put on my favorite food. He was probably thinking, "My delicious pasta just got ruined!"   If I made empathy and reciprocity a stronger habit, then when I saw him cry, my immediate response wouldn't be to laugh or to judge him for being immature. Instead, I would feel bad for him, I would believe that he definitely has a valid reason to cry, and I would take him to a room and patiently wait for him to calm down to talk with him.   Of course, understanding his perspective doesn't mean I would affirm it. I would still try to teach him that crying and whining is unhelpful and rude, and that we should learn to control our emotions and communicate in a respectful way. But if we don't let them feel understood and cared for first, then they won't be able to calm down and listen to our advice. Or worse, if we negate their feelings, then they'll become even more emotional and oppose us or even resent us.   Conclusion Thank you to this student for helping me realize my lack of empathy and reciprocity. Have you ever encountered a situation where you found it hard to understand others and judged them for it? How might you relate to them now? Weekly Wisdom #362

ABOUT THE AUTHOR AND BLOG Who are you? I'm just a fellow student of life, trying to contribute something meaningful to the world. I'm a high school teacher by day and an amateur blogger in my free time. Why did you start this blog? I'm passionate about learning, and I believe great things should be shared! I believe having wisdom is the key to happiness and success. Only when we have the right mindset and ideas, we will do the right actions and get good results. Hence, I started this blog to share wisdom that I've learned and practiced so that others might avoid the suffering I've experienced and gain joy and success. Why do you use a picture of a smiling owl? Because owls represent wisdom, and when we use wisdom in life, we will gain joy. What should I do on this blog? I suggest you either browse around or use the search bar for specific topics. You can also scroll down on the home page to see all the different tags (topics) on the blog. Click on any you that catch your interest to see articles on that topic. You can also browse a category that interests you. I created 5 categories for the blog: Weekly Wisdoms are my weekly learning reports. My intention is to make sure I keep learning, but since these learnings are useful to others, I publish them on my blog. Top Picks are articles that I think deserve special mention. Book Summaries are long posts summarizing books that I think are worth sharing. Stories are short stories with lessons worth reflecting on and sharing. Health covers basic knowledge we could all use in terms of physical health and mental health. I also blog about Traditional Chinese Medicine. Ancient Wisdom is about timeless wisdom from ancient sages and philosophies, such as Stoicism, Buddhism, Confucianism, and Daoism. How can I support you? You can simply read some articles and press the heart button if you found them useful 😃. Another way is to comment on my posts about what you found useful. Can I request a topic for you to write about? Sure! I'd be happy to write about any topics that are useful to a large group of people. You can make a request by sending me a message on the Contact Page. About: About

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WELCOME I believe that the key to a happy and successful life is wisdom. When we think wisely, we act wisely. Then we naturally reap joy and success. ​ I started this blog to ensure that I grow in wisdom every week, while also sharing useful learnings with others. These are my personal learnings and experiences, but perhaps they can help others avoid my past suffering and to gain happiness. ​ Feel free to browse around, use the search bar, or click on any of the buttons below to read about popular topics on this blog. ​ Happiness Relationships Success Productivity Health Communication All Top Picks Stories Health 中文 Book Summaries Ancient Wisdom Weekly Wisdom Short Wisdoms Wisdom Quotes Alex Chen 13 hours ago 11 min 22 Things I'm Grateful For In 2022 In honour of Thanksgiving 2022, here are 22 things I am grateful for. What about you? 0 comments 1 like. Post not marked as liked 1 Alex Chen Oct 2 6 min Yielding & Humility ≠ Being Weak Being yielding and humble are excellent and important traits. At the same time, we mustn't become weak, insincere, or resentful. 0 comments 3 likes. Post not marked as liked 3 Alex Chen Sep 25 18 min Ten Ways To Deal With Difficult People (And Even Work Well With Them) How can we deal with difficult people, or even better, work well with them? Here are 10 useful and practical solutions from Stoicism. 0 comments 6 likes. Post not marked as liked 6 Alex Chen Sep 18 4 min Ten Tips for Suicide Prevention September 10 was World Suicide Prevention Day, and shortly after that, a classmate in my Chinese philosophy class told us she was having... 0 comments 3 likes. Post not marked as liked 3 Alex Chen Sep 11 4 min 50 Fun Jokes That Don't Make Fun of Others I am a big fan of good humor, and I think everyone would enjoy more laughter in their lives. Here are 50 fun and respectful jokes. Enjoy! 0 comments 6 likes. Post not marked as liked 6 Alex Chen Sep 4 7 min Take Blame, Give Glory Normal people avoid blame and take glory. Wise people take blame and give glory. 0 comments 7 likes. Post not marked as liked 7 Alex Chen Aug 27 7 min Don't Play The Blame Game Rather than blaming others and the outside world, focus on taking responsibility and giving reciprocity. 0 comments 8 likes. Post not marked as liked 8 Alex Chen Aug 21 5 min Stoic Joy is Real Joy Real joy, according to Stoicism, comes from a deep sense of purpose, inner confidence, and emotional stability. 0 comments 7 likes. Post not marked as liked 7 Alex Chen Aug 13 6 min Lessons From Lao Zi’s Teacher Four parting lessons from Lao Zi's teacher: 1. Be grateful to our roots, 2. Respect elders, 3. Respect Nature, 4. Be soft and adaptable. 0 comments 6 likes. Post not marked as liked 6 Alex Chen Aug 7 4 min How to Handle The Death of Loved Ones 1. Be loving while they are alive. 2. Follow the Middle Way. 3. Ask them their wishes for you. 4. Carry on their dreams. 0 comments 3 likes. Post not marked as liked 3 Alex Chen Jul 31 11 min The Enlightened Mind - Explanation and Application Enlighten your mind, and your world will change accordingly. Have sincerity, purity, equality, wisdom, and compassion. 0 comments 5 likes. Post not marked as liked 5 Alex Chen Jul 25 4 min Commemorating Venerable Master Jing Kong 2022 A bittersweet (mostly sweet) commemoration of my idol and teacher, Venerable Master Jing Kong. 0 comments 5 likes. Post not marked as liked 5 Alex Chen Jul 23 20 min Seven Timely Acts of Love Love and respect are not just empty words, they are shown on a daily basis through each and every small action. 0 comments 7 likes. Post not marked as liked 7 Alex Chen Jul 15 6 min Why So Harsh On Yourself? Are you harsh and demanding towards yourself or your loved ones? If so, let's untangle that knot for you. 0 comments 6 likes. Post not marked as liked 6 Alex Chen Jul 8 3 min The Old Man And His Grandson A short story on the The Golden Rule and the importance of role modeling. 0 comments 3 likes. Post not marked as liked 3 Alex Chen Jul 5 6 min Learnings From A Wise Friend Major learnings from my wise friend over the past year in honor of his birthday. 0 comments 6 likes. Post not marked as liked 6 Alex Chen Jul 1 3 min Can You Feel Their Hardship? No one is perfect. Do you focus on their hardships, efforts, and contributions? Or do you focus on their imperfections? 0 comments 5 likes. Post not marked as liked 5 Alex Chen Jun 29 3 min The Body is The Temple of The Soul How my mother and I came to value cooking and nourishing the body more. 0 comments 5 likes. Post not marked as liked 5 Alex Chen Jun 24 5 min Confucius Worries Too "Not cultivating virtues, not striving to learn, not emulating others' goodness, and not correcting bad behavior, these are my worries." 0 comments 4 likes. Post not marked as liked 4 Alex Chen Jun 18 5 min Is it my responsibility to know what you want? The answer...it depends on if I truly love them or if I just want a transactional relationship. 0 comments 4 likes. Post not marked as liked 4 1/14 22 Things I'm Grateful For In 2022 0 1 like. Post not marked as liked 1 Yielding & Humility ≠ Being Weak 0 3 likes. Post not marked as liked 3 Ten Ways To Deal With Difficult People (And Even Work Well With Them) 0 6 likes. 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