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Have you ever scolded or criticized others for their faults and mistakes? Did they change afterwards? If so, was that change long-lasting? I once heard a thought-provoking quote from William Cowper: "I believe no one was ever scolded out of his sins." Here, scolding refers to venting anger at the other person. That just makes the other person feel bad, and they might feel our anger is excessive, in which they would feel wronged and oppose us. Although scolding might feel good in the moment, it breaks trust with the other person and reduces their motivation to improve. Confucius said, "Leading the people with regulations and governing them through punishment, the people will try to avoid punishment and have no shame. Leading the people with virtue and governing them through propriety, the people will have a sense of shame and constrain themselves." (Original text: 導之以政，齊之以刑，民免而無恥；導之以德，齊之以禮，有恥且格。) Confucius does not deny the need for laws, rules, and punishment, but he is saying that these are not enough. If we only use rules and punishment, but the people do not feel that what they did is wrong (i.e., do not feel ashamed), then the people will simply try to not get caught. The same is true if we are always scolding or criticizing others, but they feel like we're overreacting or being unfair to them. If we want the other person to feel self-motivated to change, then we have to awaken their sense of morality and shame. Image Source To do that, we need to use virtue. More specifically, we need to be sincerely kind and respectful. When they feel that we truly want the best for them despite their bad behavior, they will eventually feel that not improving themselves is morally wrong, and then they will be motivated to change on their own accord. Below are a few stories to illustrate. Story 1: Emperor Shun at Lake Leize Below is a story from the book Liao Fan's Four Lessons: "In the Yu Dynasty, there once was an emperor by the name of Shun. One day, before he became emperor, Shun was watching some fishermen on Lake Leize. He noticed that all the younger and stronger fishermen took the spots where the water was deep and the fish were abundant, while the older and weaker fishermen were left with the rapids and shallow water, where there were very few fish. When Shun saw this situation, he felt sympathy for all those people, and he thought of a way to turn the situation around. He decided to personally join the fishing party to set an example for others. Whenever he saw fishermen plunder good fishing spots, he would conceal their faults and never even spoke of their selfishness. When he saw those who were humble and yielding, he praised them everywhere he went and even followed their humble and polite ways. Shun stayed and fished like this for a whole year until the other fishermen got into the habit of yielding good fishing spots to others." One question people might have is, "I can understand why Shun would feel sympathy for the older and weaker fishermen, but why would he feel sympathy for the younger and selfish fishermen? Those bullies deserve to get scolded!" True and sincere kindness is not conditional and does not discriminate among "good versus bad". Truly kind people wouldn't be mean or harsh to others just because they are bad or rude or selfish. Moreover, we have to have faith that all people possess a conscience. It's just that some people's conscience get muddled by selfishness, but if they encounter a good role model, their inner conscience can be awakened, and their innate goodness can be brought out. Think about it, if we could be a good person, who would choose to be bad? If we could be liked and praised by others, who would choose to be disliked and scolded by others? If we could have harmonious relationships, who would choose conflict? So when Shun saw those younger and selfish fishermen, he felt it was a pity that these young people have a muddled sense of conscience. They have so much potential for goodness, but they're not realizing it. Moreover, by being selfish and disrespectful towards elders, they are creating negative karma for themselves. Their arrogance and selfishness will create a lot of conflict and suffering. People will dislike them and not want to help them in the future. Thus, Shun also felt pity for them and wanted to help them recover their innate goodness. Image Source: Gemini We might also wonder why Shun didn't criticize the younger fishermen and instead fished with them for a whole year. Is that really necessary? Mr. Liao Fan answered this question in his comments to the story: "A wise and intelligent man such as Shun could have easily influenced others with a few words. Why didn't he just use words to teach the people instead of personally joining the gathering? You should understand that Shun wanted those fishermen to feel ashamed of their own selfish behavior and change on their own accord. This really shows how deep and sincere Shun's kindness was." Mr. Liao Fan also gave us very insightful advice on how to learn from Shun: "In today's era of low morality, social breakdown, and loss of proper thinking, it is most difficult to find a good role model. Therefore, don’t let our strengths overshadow others. Don’t let our goodness make others look bad. Don’t let our strong abilities trouble others. Rein in our abilities and intelligence, as if without. When we see others' faults, tolerate and conceal it. Firstly, this gives them an opportunity to reform without losing dignity. Secondly, when they know we know, yet we don't reveal their disgrace, they will be more restrained and behave more cautiously. When we see others with even the slightest strength or goodness, we should whole-heartedly emulate them and praise them broadly. In daily life, for every word we speak and every action we do, we shouldn't just think of ourselves, but rather think of setting a good role model for the world. This is truly being a great person who puts the world in one's heart." For Mr. Liao to give such insightful advice, he must have had great role models who taught him well. One such person was his uncle-in-law. Story 2: Covering Up for Servants Mr. Shen Xinsong (沈心松) was Mr. Liao Fan's uncle-in-law. He lived in a coastal town and was quite well-off with many servants in the household. One time, he attended a banquet together with his servants. On the way there, his servants rowed the boat. During the banquet, the servants got carried away drinking, and they passed out. Originally, it was supposed to be the servants who should have rowed the boat to carry Mr. Shen home. However, it ended up being Mr. Shen rowing the servants home. He personally delivered all the servants to their wives. Image Source: GPT (Pause: If you were Mr. Shen, what would you be thinking about those servants? How would you treat them later?) The next day, Mr. Shen didn't wake up on time. After a while, his wife thought something was wrong because Mr. Shen never wakes up so late. She then shook him awake and asked, "Why are you sleeping in so late today?" (Pause: What do you think Mr. Shen is doing?) Mr. Shen explained, "Actually, I'm already awake. Yesterday, the servants got too drunk, and I ended up having to row them home. They'll probably wake up very late today and feel bad for their behavior last night. If today I get out of bed before the servants, they will feel even worse when they see me. That's why I'm waiting until they've all gotten up before I get up." His wife was quite touched by her husband's kindness towards the servants. We can only imagine how the servants and their families would feel when word eventually spreads. Some people might argue that the servants should be punished to learn their lesson. There really isn't one correct answer suitable for all situations. We have to judge case by case. In this case, Mr. Shen's servants probably had a good track record in the past, and he knows that they would feel ashamed of their behavior and be more motivated to do better if he concealed their faults. However, some people have stubborn bad habits, and treating them nicely all the time might make them more daring. On the other hand, if they receive strict punishment, they know that certain behavior is not acceptable. Sometimes, we may need to enforce punishments because it's part of the rules or the law. This is necessary to protect the bigger group and maintain order. But we can still enforce rules and punishments with a kind intention, with the intention to benefit them and help them reform, not with the intention to vent anger or for them to "get what they deserve". People can feel our intentions, and when they feel that we still want the best for them despite their bad behavior, that will also awaken their conscience. Story 3: Zigao and the Gatekeeper Around 2500 years ago, Zigao (子羔), a student of Confucius, was serving as an official in the State of Wei. Once, he had to oversee a punishment that involved amputating a criminal's foot. Later, political turmoil broke out in the state, and Zigao's life was in danger. He hurried toward the city's outer gate to escape, but by the time he arrived, the gate had already been closed. Moreover, the gatekeeper happened to be the very man whose foot had been amputated under Zigao's orders. When Zigao saw him, he was quite startled. To his surprise, the gatekeeper said, "Over there! There is a gap in the wall. The wall is lower there. You can climb over it and escape!" Zigao replied, "An exemplary person does not climb over walls." (Context: Zigao is trying to follow the teachings of his teacher. He believes that he should maintain a dignified manner, and climbing over walls is not dignified. One can argue that making an exception to save his own life should be more appropriate, but he chose to prioritize dignity. At the very least, his dedication to following his teacher's teachings is admirable.) Seeing that Zigao would not climb the wall, the gatekeeper said, "Over there is a hole! You can crawl through it and escape." Zigao replied, "An exemplary person does not crawl through holes." At that moment, the pursuers were drawing near. The gatekeeper quickly said, “There is a room here. Hide inside first.” Image Source: Gemini Zigao hid in the room, and the gatekeepers distracted the pursuers until they left. Afterwards, Zigao asked the gatekeeper: “I could not neglect the laws of the ruler and the state. Therefore, I personally oversaw the amputation of your foot. When I was in danger, it would have been the perfect chance for you to get revenge. Why did you save me?" The gatekeeper replied: “The loss of my foot was the result of my own crime. I deserved the punishment. There was no avoiding it. But when you judged my case, you repeatedly examined the laws and regulations. You carefully considered every possibility and reviewed my case again and again. You sincerely hoped that I might receive a lighter sentence or even be spared from punishment.” Thus, we can see that Zigao had sincere kindness towards all, even criminals. He did everything within the law to seek the most lenient outcome possible, that that's why the man whose foot had been amputated was grateful rather than resentful. Because of Zigao's virtue, that man was probably inspired to turn over a new leaf and become a better person afterwards. Story 4: How King Zhuang's Kindness Saved His Life During the Spring and Autumn period around 2500 years ago, King Zhuang of the State of Chu was once hosting a banquet for his ministers. Suddenly a strong wind blew out the lamps. Since everyone had been drinking, some misconduct occurred. One minister took the opportunity to tug at the robes of one of the king’s consorts. The consort reacted quickly. As soon as someone grabbed her clothing, she immediately tore off the tassel (accessory) from the man’s hat and hurried to report to King Zhuang: “Someone behaved improperly towards me and pulled my clothes. Quickly relight the lamps, and identify whoever’s hat tassel is missing!” (Pause: If you were King Zhuang, what would you do?) King Zhuang said to her, "I'm sorry to hear that. However, since I invited everyone here and provided them with alcohol, I should let them enjoy themselves fully. I cannot satisfy only your wish while ruining everyone else's enjoyment. Besides, after drinking, it is understandable that some people may lose their composure. I hope you can be more tolerant and understanding." He then made an announcement: "Tonight, everyone should drink freely until all the hat tassels are torn off!" After hearing this, everyone tore off their hat tassels. When the lamps were relit, no one could tell who the culprit was. Later, the State of Chu went to war with the State of Jin. During a particularly dangerous moment in battle, one soldier fought desperately across the battlefield to rescue King Zhuang. After the victory, King Zhuang asked that soldier, “In the past, I never treated you with any special favor. Why did you risk your life to save me?” The soldier replied: “I was the one whose hat tassel was torn off that night. Ever since then, I have always thought about how to repay Your Majesty’s kindness.” Image Source: GPT Thus, King Zhuang's kindness saved his own life. Some people might argue that it's wrong for the minister to pull on a consort's robe, and that he should be punished accordingly. While it is true that what the minister did is wrong, we can't look at a situation from just one perspective. We have to look at situations from multiple perspectives and weigh multiple factors to make a decision that creates the best likely outcome for as many people as possible. If the king had lit the lamps to catch the culprit, what would've happened? That minister would have been caught, and his life would have been ruined. Everyone would have shamed him and his family, and his future prospects would have been bleak. He would also resent the king for ruining his life over a minor incident. Moreover, other ministers and citizens might lose trust and respect towards the king for reacting so strongly towards a small incident. After all, the person merely pulled at a consort's robes. It might've been an accident since the lamps were extinguished. Everyone was drinking, so he might not have been clear on what was happening either. When the king chose to save the minister from public disgrace, the minister would have later realized how dangerous his situation was, and that he could've had his life ruined if it were not for the king's kindness. That would arouse his sense of morality, and he became extremely motivated to serve the king. Moreover, the consort would probably spread the word about what happened that night, and others would also realize how considerate the king is, and people would gain more trust and respect towards him as a result. Concluding Thoughts People aren't self-motivated to change themselves for the better because someone angrily scolded them. They might reluctantly submit if you have more power, but they'll be looking for an opportunity to rebel in the future. If we truly want to awaken others' sense of morality and conscience, we need to cultivate sincere kindness and respect. When we see other people's faults, do we feel upset at them? Or do we feel it's a pity that their conscience is muddled and that they are creating negative karma? Do we label others as a hopeless cause? Or do we have faith that they can become good if we set a good role model for them? We others make mistakes, do we scold them, especially in front of others, making them look bad? Or do we save them from disgrace and conceal their faults? When others do good, do we take it for granted that they should do it, or even feel like it's not nearly enough to make up for their faults? Or do we affirm them and praise them broadly towards others? Are we impatient for them to change? Or are we sincere and patient? After all, a sage like Shun had to spend a year to change those fishermen. We're probably not as sagacious as Shun…How long would we need to influence others? When we change the way we treat others, it will naturally change the way others treat us. Weekly Wisdom #397

During the Song Dynasty (960–1279), there was a woman named Zou Ying. Her father's first wife passed away early after giving birth to a son. Later, the father remarried, and they gave birth to Zou Ying. When her brother (half-brother) grew up, he married. The mother disliked this daughter-in-law that her stepson married and often mistreated her. She would purposely assign heavy work to her, or give her very little food, or harshly criticize her for small mistakes. (Pause: If you were Zou Ying, seeing your sister-in-law being mistreated by your mother, how would you feel? What would you do?) Seeing her mother and sister-in-law like this, Zou Ying was saddened. Whenever her mother assigned heavy work to her sister-in-law, Zou Ying would secretly help her complete it. When she gave her sister-in-law too little food, Zou Ying would share her own portion. Sometimes, when her sister-in-law made mistakes, the mother would punish her with a stick. Zou Ying would immediately rush over and say, "Mother, I did it. I should be the one punished." Her mother would angrily say, "Get out of the way!" (Pause: If you were Zou Ying, how would you respond?) Zou Ying would reply, "Mother, one day I will marry into another family. Would you want my mother-in-law to beat me like this?" The mother's anger then subsided. Image Source: Gemini Her good character spread around, and she naturally attracted an excellent family to marry into. Later, Zou Ying had a child, and she returned to visit her parents' home carrying her baby. Her sister-in-law was overjoyed. Since Zou Ying had cared for and protected her in every possible way, her sister-in-law had long been deeply grateful. She loved Zou Ying’s child as if it were her own. One day, her sister-in-law brought the baby, who was not even a year old yet, into her own room. Unfortunately, an accident occurred. Somehow, the child rolled onto the floor and hit her head on the stove and died. Zou Ying and her mother immediately came over when they heard the accident. (Pause: If you were Zou Ying or the mother, how would you respond?) The mother was absolutely furious. She reached for the stick to beat her daughter-in-law. Although Zou Ying was deeply saddened by the loss of her child, she also empathized with her sister-in-law's grief and fear and understood her mother's anger. She immediately stepped forward and said, "Mother, my sister-in-law didn’t know I had placed the child in her room. I was the one who put the child there. It's my fault." The mother was speechless and left. Later, the sister-in-law wept continuously. (Pause: If you were Zou Ying, how might you comfort the sister-in-law?) Zou Ying said to her, "Last night, I had a dream. In the dream, I saw that this child would die today. The child and I were incompatible by fate. If he remained alive, it would bring harm to me. So please, don't be so grieved." Her sister-in-law appreciated her kind intentions, but she was still guilt-stricken. At meal times, she didn't have an appetite to eat. Zou Ying said, "If you do not eat, then I will not eat either." Seeing Zou Ying's sincerity, she reluctantly began to eat. Only then did Zou Ying feel at ease and eat herself. Later, Zou Ying became seriously ill. (Pause: If you were the sister-in-law, how might you try to help Zou Ying?) Out of desperation to help, her sister-in-law made a vow to the Heavens: "I wish for my sister-in-law to recover from her illness. I will accumulate merits and blessings by maintaining a vegetarian diet for the next three years. May all the merits and blessings be transferred to my sister-in-law." Eventually, Zou Ying recovered. Such profound sincerity moved her mother's heart, and she became much kinder towards her daughter-in-law. Later on, Zou Ying gave birth to five sons. Four of them passed the highest level of imperial exams and went on to become prominent government officials. Zou Ying also lived to the age of 93. (Story Source) Commentary I really admire Zou Ying, and I view her as an exemplar of deep kindness. Kindness, compassion, empathy, and consideration are all virtues that I'm trying to improve, and I should learn from Zou Ying's role modelling. If I see someone mistreating another, I might criticize or reprimand the person for being unjust. But when Zou Ying saw her mother mistreating her sister-in-law, she never opposed her mother, viewed her in negative light, or criticized her out of anger. She could understand and tolerate her mother's faults, and she focused on helping her mother dissolve her anger as fast as possible each time. That's why she would take the blame for sister-in-law's mistakes even though it's not her fault. She also sincerely urged her mother to change. Because she sincerely wanted the best for her mother, she was able to say the words, "Mother, one day I will marry into another family. Would you want my mother-in-law to beat me like this?" If her heart had opposition towards her mother, she wouldn't be able to think of such words. This shows her deep kindness towards her mother. When she saw her sister-in-law being mistreated, she did not turn a blind eye toward, thinking, "It's none of my business." She proactively tried to help her sister-in-law, even to the point of taking on the blame for her sister-in-law's mistakes to help her mother calm down. Feeling bad for others' mistreatment is empathy. Speaking up about it and risking conflict is kindness. Continually being willing to suffer losses and mistreatment in order to help others is deep kindness, and that's something I can work on. When her baby had an accident in her sister-in-law's room and died, I can only imagine how painful that must have been for her. For most people, a newborn baby is the most precious thing, especially to the mother who personally went through so much pain to give birth to the baby. If I were in her situation, I would probably be overstricken with grief, unable to think about anyone else's feelings in such pain. But Zou Ying was still able to empathize with her mother and sister-in-law despite experiencing such a painful loss. She could understand that her mother would be extremely angry, and that her sister-in-law would be extremely guilt-stricken. Her empathy for others' feelings and desire to help others is so deep that she could let go of her own pain and instead focus on helping others. That's why she immediately said, "Mother, my sister-in-law didn’t know I had placed the child in her room. I was the one who put the child there. It's my fault." Such words would help to calm her mother's rage, and such deep kindness is truly admirable. Of course, when her sister-in-law heard such words, she would feel even more guilt-stricken because she knows Zou Ying is trying to cover up for her yet again. That's why Zou Ying said, "Last night, I had a dream. In the dream, I saw that this child would die today. The child and I were incompatible by fate. If he remained alive, it would bring harm to me. So please, don't be so grieved." When the sister-in-law heard such words, she might suspect that Zou Ying is making it up to comfort her, but she would surely appreciate Zou Ying's kind intentions. It's because of Zou Ying's deep kindness that her sister-in-law was able to quickly move on from that tragic accident and resume normal living. From a third person's perspective, it seems like Zou Ying suffered a lot of trouble and mistreatment due to her sister-in-law and mother. But I imagine that from Zou Ying's perspective, she felt like she was just doing what's moral right to help maintain harmony in the family. Moreover, what may seem like "suffering unfair trouble and mistreatment" was actually planting the seeds for future fortune. Because she gave so much kindness to her sister-in-law, when Zou Ying got sick, her sister-in-law practiced good deeds like vegetarianism for three years, everyday praying for her and dedicating merits to her. Science has proven that our thoughts can affect the physical matter around us. For example, Dr. Emoto gathered over 100 people to single-mindedly pray for a polluted bay by Lake Biwa for one hour, and three days later, that bay became clean. Similarly, the sister-in-law's sincere prayers for Zou Ying would surely help her recovery. When her mother saw how much Zou Ying cared for her sister-in-law, and later saw how much her sister-in-law cared for Zou Ying, the mother also had a change of heart, and the family became harmonious. A harmonious family is also a great fortune. Later, Zou Ying gave birth to five sons, four of whom became high ranking government officials. Having great descendants with wealth and prestige is also a form of fortune. She also lived to 93, and longevity is also a form of fortune. We can all learn from Zou Ying's deep kindness by Taking (or at least sharing) the blame when others are criticized Focusing on dissolving others' anger rather than judging them for it Advising with the intention to help others, not to vent anger Comforting others when they feel bad or guilt-stricken Putting others' feelings first Being willing to suffer trouble and mistreatment for the sake of others Such deep kindness and virtues will naturally reap great fortune, and we ought to start with our closest relationships, such as with our parents, spouse, and family. Weekly Wisdom #398

This past week was the first year anniversary of the departure of Venerable Jing Kong, and in honor of this, I wanted to share another one of his teachings that benefitted me a lot. Last year, I wrote about The Enlightened Mind, and this year's article is about The Six Paramitas. These are six virtues practiced by those seeking enlightenment, and they are giving, precepts, endurance, diligence, concentration, and wisdom. Icon Sources: Flaticon One thing that Venerable Jing Kong emphasized is that Buddhism is not superstitious praying for good luck, Buddhism is highly applicable to daily life, and The Six Paramitas are a great example. No matter what job or task we are doing, we can apply The Six Paramitas to do it superbly AND improve ourselves in the process. Oftentimes, people try to improve their performance by improving the method or tools. For example, a teacher might try a different teaching method or a new teaching tool. A chef might try a new recipe or a new cooking utensil. While these can be helpful, Buddhism teaches us to get to the root of the matter, which is the mind. Think about it, if someone's mind is muddled and dull, then even if you give them a great method and tool to do the task, can they do a good job? Hence, The Six Paramitas focus on cultivating our mind. Specifically, each Paramita counteracts a vice: Giving counteracts selfishness Precepts counteract bad behavior Endurance counteracts anger Diligence counteracts laziness Concentration counteracts distraction Wisdom counteracts ignorance The Six Paramitas make our mind sharper and stronger, which then allows us to do any and all tasks better. This article will explain each paramita, then give real life examples. Here is a table of contents to help you navigate this article. Giving Precepts Endurance Diligence Concentration Wisdom 1: Giving When most people hear giving, they think about giving away money and objects, but giving is much broader and deeper than that. Giving is all about broadening our hearts and weakening our attachment to self. Buddhism teaches four categories of giving: Giving material wealth, objects, and property Giving energy and time Giving non-fear (comfort and happiness) Giving knowledge and wisdom Icon Sources: Flaticon Why should we practice giving? Because giving makes us happy! This has been proven by many scientific studies, but we can easily think about the people we know. Is it the stingy person or the generous person who is usually happy, relaxed, and carefree? Do we ourselves feel happier and relaxed when we are generous or when we are selfish? This first paramita is so important because so many people are working so hard every day, but their hard work is not reaping them more happiness. Isn't that such a shame? If we could swap our motivation for working hard from selfish desire to giving, then we would feel happier, have more motivation, and be more productive! As mentioned before, giving is about broadening our hearts and weakening our attachment to self. The Buddha taught that all suffering comes from our attachment to self. The stronger our attachment to self, the stronger our negative emotions, such as greed, anger, sadness, and fear. When our ego is extremely strong, all we can think about is ourselves and what we want. When we don't have what we want, we feel suffering in the form from craving, sadness, or anger. Even if we obtain what we want, we start fearing that we might lose it, or we'll compare ourselves to others and start craving for more. Icon Sources: Flaticon On the other hand, if we focus on giving, on helping others, and on serving others, then our sense of self naturally weakens. "Naturally" is the key word. If I tell you "Don't think of a pink elephant", what happens? You think of a pink elephant. Similarly, if we tell ourselves "Don't think of myself", it's pretty hard to do. But by focusing on giving to others, we naturally forget about ourselves, which reduces our suffering and naturally brings us joy. Hence, Venerable Jing Kong taught everyone to follow this motto: "Always think to help others with every thought." Indeed, I have found that when I focus on helping others, I can more easily let go of negative emotions, understand others, and solve conflicts more harmoniously. When I am tired or facing difficulty, if I can think of my parents and teachers and all the support they've given me, it motivates me to push through. One more important point to mention about giving is karma. According to karma, what goes around comes around. Icon Sources: Flaticon Think about it, if someone helped you, you would want to return the favor in the future, right? When we give others happiness, we feel happy too, right? When we teach things to others, we get smarter too, no? So a person who is always happily helping others will naturally create good karma, and in the future, people will naturally want to return the favor. Even strangers that the person never met would want to help that person because of that person's good name. Therefore, giving is not only great for our mental wellbeing now, it is also great for our future. Now that we know why giving is so important, let's go into more detail about the four categories of giving. 1.1: Giving material wealth, objects, and property We might say that it's easier for the rich and wealthy to do this compared to the poor, but the important thing is not how much wealth you give, it's about the sincerity of your intention. Let's assume there are two people. Person A has $1000 and Person B has $100. A charity asks them to donate some money. Person A thinks, "I work so hard for my money, and you want me to just give you my hard-earned money? Ugh, but you're a charity, so I feel bad for rejecting you. Fine, I'll give $100." Person B thinks, "Oh this charity is doing really important work! Well, I only have $100, but I'm happy to give $50!" Who do you think cultivated the paramita of giving better? Who do you think had a happier look on their face when they gave the money? Who do you think the charity person would feel more touched by? Remember that Buddhism is about cultivating the mind; therefore, Person B actually cultivated the paramita of giving better! However, Person A is still pretty good because he was willing to give when many people are not. Most of us were taught to be selfish growing up, so when we first practice giving, it can feel a little forced and unnatural. But as we practice more, it'll become more natural, and we will feel happier, more relaxed, and more carefree. With that kind of mental state, we will have happier relationships and be more effective at work. 1.2 Giving energy and time We might not all be rich, but we all have energy and time. At home, we can give energy and time by doing the chores, cooking, and cleaning. At work, we can help our coworkers if we have extra time. With our friends or other people, we can listen to them attentively. These are things we probably have to do anyway, but if we do them reluctantly, we are increasing our attachment to self and suffering. If instead, we do them with the intention of giving, then we reduce our attachment to self while also gaining joy from helping others. Win-win! Icon Sources: Flaticon Similar to giving material wealth, the important thing is not about how much time and energy we give, but the sincerity with which we do it. If I give someone one hour of my time, but the whole time I feel reluctant, then that would not be as good as giving half an hour of sincere time. However, generally speaking, when we are more sincere, we would give more of our capability. For example, if I have two hours of capability, and I have 100% sincerity, then I would give the full two hours. 1.3 Giving non-fear Giving non-fear means easing others fears and giving them comfort, peace, and happiness. Examples include Donating money to help people with hospital or medicine fees (giving of wealth and non-fear) Donating towards disaster relief Listening to others with empathy (giving of energy and non-fear) Do acts of kindness to make others feel warm and happy Giving a smile to someone who is having a tough day Giving others encouragement rather than criticism Yielding in a conflict or disagreement rather than getting angry Icon Sources: Flaticon Aside from being the good thing to do, giving non-fear is also the wise thing to do from the perspective of karma. Think about it: If a person always makes other people feel afraid or bad about themselves, then lots of people will resent him, and he will worry about his enemies hurting him in the future. But if a person always helps other people feel good and encourages them, then he makes lots of friends, and he will feel happy, peaceful, and at ease. 1.4 Giving knowledge and wisdom This one is fairly self-explanatory. It's not only teachers that give knowledge and wisdom, any of us can. To give some examples: Sharing useful things you've learned with family and friends Teaching a grandparent how to use a new piece of technology Teaching a child how to do their homework Tutoring a classmate Teaching a coworker how to do a task better Giving a useful book to someone Writing to promote wisdom According to karma, those who give knowledge and wisdom will in turn become more knowledgeable and wiser. We've probably all been students in the past, and when we had to explain a concept to a classmate, or explain it on a test, we are forced to articulate it clearly, which then helps us to understand it better. Even now, as a teacher, I teach the same class over and over again, and I find that after teaching the same topic so many times, I gain a much deeper understanding of it myself. 2: Precepts Precepts means abiding by rules. The spirit of precepts is moral self-discipline. Buddhism has rules for its students, such as no killing, no stealing, no adultery, no lying, no slandering, no foul speech, no enticing speech, no greed, no anger, and no ignorance. These rules all help us to purify the mind from negative emotions and cultivate good karma. When I heard about these precepts, I thought, "Wow, a true Buddhist should be a really good and moral person then!" But precepts apply to any situation where there are rules involved. Here are some common examples: Following best practices in your industry or field of work Following a recipe when cooking a dish Using proper grammar when writing Following the country's laws Following the school rules Following the company policies Why should we follow rules? Because it is an important way to practice giving, specifically giving non-fear. In other words, giving is foundational for precepts. Think about it: If you are a leader, why do you establish rules? Obviously for the greater good of your country, company, or group of people. If you know there is a person who doesn't like to follow rules, how would you feel? You'd probably be afraid of that person causing trouble and harming others! And if we are the person who likes to break rules, how do we feel? Probably annoyed at the rules, which means suffering from an over-focus on self, and fear of being caught if we break the rules. Hence, following precepts is good for ourselves and others. Just to be clear, precepts are not about blindly following rules or forcing yourself to follow rules that seem unreasonable. It's important to first understand why the rules are in place, then we would willingly follow the rules because we know the benefits. There can be rare occasions where it is appropriate to break the rules, but we should be doing so with the intention of giving, not of selfishness. For example, if someone in my car got a heart attack, then I would break the traffic laws and speed to the hospital to save a life. However, such situations are rare, and we should be clear about our intentions being unselfish if we are to break a rule. 3: Endurance The third paramita can be translated as endurance, perseverance, or patience. I picked "endurance" because I think endurance not only encompasses perseverance and patience, but it also encompasses enduring negative emotions such as anger, frustration, and impatience. Precepts are helpful for endurance. If we have clear rules to follow, it is easier for us to persevere. For example, if we commit to not getting angry at others as a precept, then we are much more able to endure anger. If we attend a class where attendance is mandatory, then it is much easier for us to not skip class. If I commit to writing a blog post every week, then it is much easier for me to persist and not be lazy. The Buddha said, "The success of everything depends on endurance." Nothing worthwhile in life is attained instantaneously. It takes time and persistent effort to overcome all the obstacles and hardships on the way to our goals. To succeed in school, we need to endure difficult classes and stressful exam periods. To succeed in getting a job, we need to endure the long process of job searching, interviewing, and rejections, until we finally land a good job. To succeed in any relationship, we need to endure conflicts and negative emotions by being patient, tolerant, and yielding towards others. Icon Sources: Flaticon The most important thing is to be able to endure negative emotions. If we let negative emotions get the better of us, then we will fail right there and then. For example, a relationship is broken when we cannot endure anger. A project or a piece of work is ruined when we cannot endure impatience. A job search fails when we cannot endure disappointment. How can we endure negative emotions? Again, the foundation is in the first paramita of giving. Obviously, having a weaker attachment to self will reduce our negative emotions, making it easier to endure. But giving is also about broadening our hearts. When we broaden our hearts, we do things for the sake of others. Think of any great hero. Surely, they had to endure tremendous hardship. Were they able to endure because of their own self-interest? Or was it because they had their family, country, even the world in their heart? Icon Sources: Flaticon As a student, even if school is hard, when I think of how hard my parents work to pay for my schooling and all the love they gave me, I will feel motivated to push through. In my relationships, even though we are having an argument, when I think about the past kindness and love that this person has given me, I am willing to let go of my anger and try to create a better future together. Although my work is difficult, when I think about how many people my work helps, I am willing to persevere for them. A great Buddhist practitioner named Huang Nianzu explained six ways of enduring. Endure through force: When I feel anger arising, force it down. Don’t speak in an upset state of mind. Leave the situation to calm down. Endure through forgetting: Wait until calm. Then reflect on whether or not this matter is really that big of a deal. If it is, then communicate in a calm state of mind. Endure through reflection: What’s my contribution to the problem? When I admit my fault and correct myself, others’ behavior towards me will naturally change. Endure through observation: Understand their way of thinking and history. Change blame into understanding. Also observe that everything is impermanent and always changing. Don’t cling to the past or keep score. Endure through joy: They are helping me notice my faults and weaknesses. They are training me to improve my emotional regulation and virtues. I am thankful for their help and joyful from my improvement. Endure through compassion: No one is perfect. Let’s be tolerant and kind towards others despite their imperfections. Icon Sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 If we want a happy and successful life, then we must learn to endure. Towards matters, we need to have patience and be able to endure hardship. Towards people, we need to endure anger, annoyance, and conflict. Usually, we start by enduring via force, but to prevent resentment from accumulating, we need to also endure via forgetting, reflection, observation, gratitude, and/or compassion. 4: Diligence Diligence is about working hard. As mentioned before, diligence counteracts laziness. But this doesn't mean burning the midnight oil every day. True diligence is running a marathon, not a sprint. That means endurance is required for true diligence. It's better to push ourselves at 80% effort every day for many years than to push ourselves at 100% for a few weeks, run out of fuel, and then become lazy again. In Buddhism, diligence refers to correcting bad habits and improving one's virtues. In other words, if someone spends hours reading Buddhists texts, but they have not improved their moral character and relationships with others, then they only have the appearance of working hard, but they are not actually cultivating diligence. Buddhism teaches four types of diligence: For the virtues and good qualities I do not yet have, I should work hard to build them. For the virtues and good qualities I already have, I should try to hone them further. For the vices and bad qualities I already have, I should work hard to rid them. For the vices and bad qualities I do not have, I should be vigilant to prevent them. Icon Sources: Flaticon Similar to helping others, seeing our own self-improvement is a natural source of joy. As Socrates said, "Just as one person delights in improving his farm, and another his horse, so I delight in attending to my own improvement day by day." But it's also fine for the farmer to delight in improving his farm, or for us to delight in improving our work. In fact, diligence encompasses honing our craft. For example: A teacher hones her teaching skills by learning and practicing new teaching methods A chef hones his cooking skills by experimenting with new recipes A doctor improves her medical skills by staying up-to-date on the latest research A coder improves his coding skills by attending a coding workshop An athlete attends practice every day to keep improving In case you are wondering, yes, diligence is also a way to practice giving. We should be diligent to give more to others. It is good to be diligent because we love our craft, but it is even better if we can add giving into our intentions. After all, the reason we can do our work right now is because of our parents who raised us, our teachers who taught us, and the countless people who provide for our daily needs. How can we repay all their kindness? By improving my virtues and doing my job in society to the best of my ability. 5: Concentration The fifth paramita can be translated as meditative concentration, stillness of mind, fixedness, or mental stability. 5.1 Concentration in daily life In the context of daily life, we can think of it as being concentrated on whatever we do. When we are listening to someone speak, we are focused on them, not on the past, not on the future, not on the people in the background. When we are doing our work, we are focused on doing our work, not on our lunch later, not on the TV show we watched last night, not on the distracting background noise. When we are concentrated, we can do a good job. We can also think of concentration as cultivating a calm, serene, and pure mind. This kind of mental state would be able to excel at any task and handle any problem. The opposite would be an agitated and messy mind, which results from emotions such as excitement, anger, worry, fear, etc. This kind of agitated mental state would ruin tasks and make problems worse. Doing calming and relaxing activities every day can help us to cultivate serenity, such as meditation, deep breathing, listening to classical music, going for a calming walk, or taking a relaxing shower. Hence, there's a Zen saying that goes, "You should meditate for 20 minutes a day. Unless you're too busy, then you should meditate for an hour." In other words, if we are so busy that we can't even find 20 minutes to calm down and relax, then we need to calm down and relax even more. Doing so is highly worth it because it will not only improve our sense of peace and wellbeing, but also improve the effectiveness of our work after our mind has calmed down. 5.2 Concentration in Buddhism We can also interpret the fifth Paramita to mean "fixedness", in the sense that our mind is very stable and fixed on proper thoughts, such as the Six Paramitas. In other words, nothing can tempt my mind to leave the Six Paramitas. If I see others being selfish or breaking a rule or being lazy, I won't be tempted to do so. If someone tries to make me angry, I am fixed in my state of compassion and calm. From these examples, we can see that the previous Paramitas are important stepping stones to concentration. Another explanation of the fifth paramita is "meditative concentration", which is a much deeper and stronger concentration. It refers to the absence of attachment (e.g., I want this, I don't want that), discriminatory thoughts (e.g., this is good, that is bad), and wandering thoughts (e.g., What's for dinner tonight? What time is it?). Icon Sources: Flaticon Attachment, discriminatory thoughts, and wandering thoughts lead to what Buddhism calls "The Five Poisons", which are greed, anger, ignorance, arrogance, and doubt. Just from their names, we can see that the Five Poisons are very harmful to our mind. If we can practice the Six Paramitas, then we naturally will reduce and even eliminate mental afflictions and mental poisons. A similar idea to "meditative concentration" is flow state, which is when we are deeply focused and engaged in a task, such that we forget time, and our creativity is extremely high. For example, there are rare occasions when I get really into my writing, such that three hours passed by before I knew it. The whole time, I was totally focused and immersed in my writing, and I didn't feel any thirst, hunger, or need to go to the bathroom. But flow state is also different from meditative concentration because after flow state, people might feel a little tired, whereas meditative concentration is a state of calm and peace, and it wouldn't drain our energy. 6: Wisdom Wisdom can have different explanations as well. 6.1 Wisdom in daily life In the context of daily life, wisdom encompasses rationality, effective thinking, and good decision making. It also includes the clarity of mind to differentiate good from bad, right from wrong, appropriate from inappropriate, and benefit from harm. If the Six Paramitas were like a body, then wisdom would be the eyes. Without wisdom, the body would move around aimlessly, recklessly, and in vain, perhaps even hurting itself. Wisdom is also like light. Without it, we'd be lost wandering in the dark. Consider these examples: If we encounter a beggar on the street asking for money, and they smell of drugs, should we give them money? If the class rule says no cellphones in class, but a student is waiting for an emergency call from a relative, should we enforce that rule on this student? If everyone is criticizing me for quitting my job and chasing my dreams, should I keep enduring their criticism in the name of chasing my dreams? If I am working so hard at work that I barely spend time with my family, and they start to feel cold towards me, should I keep being diligent? If I am so focused on my work at hand that I forgot about my other responsibilities, is that good concentration? I've written about some standards for wisdom here. One of the most important ones is this one: "Do not just consider the present action, but also consider its side effects. Do not just consider immediate effects, but also consider the long-term effects. Do not just consider the effects on one person, but also consider the effects on the greater whole." —Liao Fan's Four Lessons Icon Sources: Flaticon Let's look at a couple of the examples mentioned above. If we give money to the beggar, even though our intention is to help him, he might use it to buy drugs, which would result in harming him. That's not wise. If our goal is to give him food, we could simply buy a meal for him. Not allowing cellphones in class is to help students focus in class, but this student is waiting for an emergency call from a relative; this is a special case that calls for compassion and understanding from the teacher. If the teacher refuses it, not only is she being heartless, she also causes the student to be even more unable to concentrate due to worrying about his relative, which defeats the whole purpose of enforcing the rule. For the remaining examples, you can try applying wisdom yourself to find an answer. In the context of work, wisdom is those highly creative ideas and intellectual breakthroughs that come from a highly focused or calm mind. For example, some people get great ideas while showering or meditating. Why? Because their mind was really calm and relaxed. People also get really creative ideas and make intellectual breakthroughs in flow state because they are calm and concentrated, with very little wandering or distracting thoughts. Therefore, if we want to have more creative breakthroughs, it's very helpful to cultivate calmness, serenity, and concentration via calming and relaxing activities. 6.2 Wisdom in Buddhism Wisdom also has a deeper meaning in Buddhism. The Buddha taught that everyone has the same innate, transcendent wisdom as the Buddhas, and this innate wisdom allows us to see the truth of the universe and transcend suffering. Such wisdom arises from a calm, pure, and concentrated mind. "Pure" refers to the absence of the Five Poisons (greed, anger, ignorance, arrogance, and doubt), and "concentrated" refers to the absence of attachments, discriminatory thoughts, and wandering thoughts. The stronger our purity and concentration, the more innate wisdom that flows out of our mind. The Buddha also taught us to first cultivate precepts, which purifies our mind from negative emotions and the five poisons. When we persist in precepts for a long enough time, we eventually become "concentrated" or "fixated" on them, such that nothing can pull our minds away from the precepts, resulting in meditative concentration. When we can maintain the state of a pure and concentrated mind for a long time, our innate wisdom will naturally flow out. Everything that the Buddha taught came out of his innate wisdom. It wasn't stuff he made up with wandering thoughts, discriminatory analysis, or personal attachments. Although we are not at the level of the Buddha yet, we are fortunate to have his teachings. Thus, following his teachings is like taking his wisdom and using it as our own. To give an analogy, let's say I'm a newbie chef. I don't know how to cook the best pumpkin soup in the world, but I can read the recipe written by the world's best chef and cook the same soup she did just by following her recipe. Of course, I need to work on my craft to eventually be able to create world-class recipes on my own, but in the meantime, I can follow recipes from top chefs. Similarly, I need to work on precepts, then concentration, then wisdom, but in the meantime, I can learn from the wise teachings left behind by the Buddha and other sages of the past (e.g., Confucius, Lao Zi, Socrates, Aristotle, Seneca, etc.). If I can live my life according to their teachings, then I would be living my life the same way the Buddha would, and I would eventually recover my innate wisdom. By then, I would think and act the same way past sages would without conscious effort. Conclusion Venerable Jing Kong taught me that Buddhism is not superstition, it is in fact very useful for daily life. The Six Paramitas are a great example, as they can be used towards any job or task we do to cultivate our minds, raise our virtues, increase our productivity, and improve our sense of peace, wellbeing, and happiness. Given all the benefits, how can you apply the Six Paramitas to your life? This article explained the theory behind the Six Paramitas. The next article will showcase real life stories and examples. Weekly Wisdom #248

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ABOUT THE AUTHOR AND BLOG Who are you? I'm just a fellow student of life, trying to contribute something meaningful to the world. I'm a high school teacher by day and an amateur blogger in my free time. Why did you start this blog? I'm passionate about learning, and I believe great things should be shared! I believe having wisdom is the key to happiness and success. Only when we have the right mindset and ideas, we will do the right actions and get good results. Hence, I started this blog to share wisdom that I've learned and practiced so that others might avoid the suffering I've experienced and gain joy and success. Why do you use a picture of a smiling owl? Because owls represent wisdom, and when we use wisdom in life, we will gain joy. What should I do on this blog? I suggest you either browse around or use the search bar for specific topics. You can also scroll down on the home page to see all the different tags (topics) on the blog. Click on any you that catch your interest to see articles on that topic. You can also browse a category that interests you. I created 5 categories for the blog: Weekly Wisdoms are my weekly learning reports. My intention is to make sure I keep learning, but since these learnings are useful to others, I publish them on my blog. Top Picks are articles that I think deserve special mention. Book Summaries are long posts summarizing books that I think are worth sharing. Stories are short stories with lessons worth reflecting on and sharing. Health covers basic knowledge we could all use in terms of physical health and mental health. I also blog about Traditional Chinese Medicine. Ancient Wisdom is about timeless wisdom from ancient sages and philosophies, such as Stoicism, Buddhism, Confucianism, and Daoism. How can I support you? You can simply read some articles and press the heart button if you found them useful 😃. Another way is to comment on my posts about what you found useful. Can I request a topic for you to write about? Sure! I'd be happy to write about any topics that are useful to a large group of people. You can make a request by sending me a message on the Contact Page. About: About

WELCOME I believe that the key to a happy and successful life is wisdom. When we think wisely, we act wisely. Then we naturally reap joy and success. ​ I started this blog to ensure that I grow in wisdom every week, while also sharing useful learnings with others. These are my personal learnings and experiences, but perhaps they can help others avoid my past suffering and to gain happiness. ​ Feel free to browse around, use the search bar, or click on any of the buttons below to read about popular topics on this blog. ​ Happiness Relationships Success Productivity Health Communication All Top Picks Stories Health 中文 Book Summaries Ancient Wisdom Weekly Wisdom Short Wisdoms Wisdom Quotes Alex Chen 13 hours ago 11 min 22 Things I'm Grateful For In 2022 In honour of Thanksgiving 2022, here are 22 things I am grateful for. What about you? 0 comments 1 like. Post not marked as liked 1 Alex Chen Oct 2 6 min Yielding & Humility ≠ Being Weak Being yielding and humble are excellent and important traits. At the same time, we mustn't become weak, insincere, or resentful. 0 comments 3 likes. Post not marked as liked 3 Alex Chen Sep 25 18 min Ten Ways To Deal With Difficult People (And Even Work Well With Them) How can we deal with difficult people, or even better, work well with them? Here are 10 useful and practical solutions from Stoicism. 0 comments 6 likes. Post not marked as liked 6 Alex Chen Sep 18 4 min Ten Tips for Suicide Prevention September 10 was World Suicide Prevention Day, and shortly after that, a classmate in my Chinese philosophy class told us she was having... 0 comments 3 likes. Post not marked as liked 3 Alex Chen Sep 11 4 min 50 Fun Jokes That Don't Make Fun of Others I am a big fan of good humor, and I think everyone would enjoy more laughter in their lives. Here are 50 fun and respectful jokes. Enjoy! 0 comments 6 likes. Post not marked as liked 6 Alex Chen Sep 4 7 min Take Blame, Give Glory Normal people avoid blame and take glory. Wise people take blame and give glory. 0 comments 7 likes. Post not marked as liked 7 Alex Chen Aug 27 7 min Don't Play The Blame Game Rather than blaming others and the outside world, focus on taking responsibility and giving reciprocity. 0 comments 8 likes. Post not marked as liked 8 Alex Chen Aug 21 5 min Stoic Joy is Real Joy Real joy, according to Stoicism, comes from a deep sense of purpose, inner confidence, and emotional stability. 0 comments 7 likes. Post not marked as liked 7 Alex Chen Aug 13 6 min Lessons From Lao Zi’s Teacher Four parting lessons from Lao Zi's teacher: 1. Be grateful to our roots, 2. Respect elders, 3. Respect Nature, 4. Be soft and adaptable. 0 comments 6 likes. Post not marked as liked 6 Alex Chen Aug 7 4 min How to Handle The Death of Loved Ones 1. Be loving while they are alive. 2. Follow the Middle Way. 3. Ask them their wishes for you. 4. Carry on their dreams. 0 comments 3 likes. Post not marked as liked 3 Alex Chen Jul 31 11 min The Enlightened Mind - Explanation and Application Enlighten your mind, and your world will change accordingly. Have sincerity, purity, equality, wisdom, and compassion. 0 comments 5 likes. Post not marked as liked 5 Alex Chen Jul 25 4 min Commemorating Venerable Master Jing Kong 2022 A bittersweet (mostly sweet) commemoration of my idol and teacher, Venerable Master Jing Kong. 0 comments 5 likes. Post not marked as liked 5 Alex Chen Jul 23 20 min Seven Timely Acts of Love Love and respect are not just empty words, they are shown on a daily basis through each and every small action. 0 comments 7 likes. Post not marked as liked 7 Alex Chen Jul 15 6 min Why So Harsh On Yourself? Are you harsh and demanding towards yourself or your loved ones? If so, let's untangle that knot for you. 0 comments 6 likes. Post not marked as liked 6 Alex Chen Jul 8 3 min The Old Man And His Grandson A short story on the The Golden Rule and the importance of role modeling. 0 comments 3 likes. Post not marked as liked 3 Alex Chen Jul 5 6 min Learnings From A Wise Friend Major learnings from my wise friend over the past year in honor of his birthday. 0 comments 6 likes. Post not marked as liked 6 Alex Chen Jul 1 3 min Can You Feel Their Hardship? No one is perfect. Do you focus on their hardships, efforts, and contributions? Or do you focus on their imperfections? 0 comments 5 likes. Post not marked as liked 5 Alex Chen Jun 29 3 min The Body is The Temple of The Soul How my mother and I came to value cooking and nourishing the body more. 0 comments 5 likes. Post not marked as liked 5 Alex Chen Jun 24 5 min Confucius Worries Too "Not cultivating virtues, not striving to learn, not emulating others' goodness, and not correcting bad behavior, these are my worries." 0 comments 4 likes. Post not marked as liked 4 Alex Chen Jun 18 5 min Is it my responsibility to know what you want? The answer...it depends on if I truly love them or if I just want a transactional relationship. 0 comments 4 likes. Post not marked as liked 4 1/14 22 Things I'm Grateful For In 2022 0 1 like. Post not marked as liked 1 Yielding & Humility ≠ Being Weak 0 3 likes. Post not marked as liked 3 Ten Ways To Deal With Difficult People (And Even Work Well With Them) 0 6 likes. Post not marked as liked 6 Search by Tag relationships happiness virtue character story success communication health humility productivity Confucius decision making purpose filial piety Jim Kwik learning morality student leadership memory Kwik Learning loving kindness food gratitude BOH4M mental health Kwik Brain wisdom career emotional intelligence personality philosophy quote self improvement anger conflict resolution habit change sleep studying TCM trustworthiness Buddhism love reframing self-esteem Guide to A Happy Life habits Lao Tzu Ray Dalio stoicism Traditional Chinese Medicine book summary Jay Shetty Liao Fan Medical Medium mindset principles self mastery stress management teamwork trivia carefulness change Di Zi Gui empathy exercise fulfillment goal setting marriage meditation motivation The Middle Way TPJ2O 故事 Buddha