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In a small town in New Jersey, there were 26 students sitting in a dark classroom of a school. Each student came from a troubled background: some were drug addicts, some went to prison, there was even a girl who had three abortions in one year. Their parents didn't know what to do with them, and the school had pretty much given up on them. At this time, a new teacher named Ms. Fila was appointed as this class's homeroom teacher. During the start of the new school year, Ms. Fila did not scold and lecture the students like the previous teachers did. Instead, she asked everyone a question. She said: "Let me tell you about three people. Person A is a devout believer in witchcraft, has two mistresses, has a long history of smoking, and is addicted to drinking alcohol. Person B was kicked out of the office twice, wakes up at noon every day, drinks two liters of brandy every night, and has been convicted of using opium. Person C used to be his country's war hero, is a vegetarian, is passionate about art, occasionally drinks some alcohol, and never broke the law when young. If one of these people became extraordinary and admired by all, who do you think it would be? Can you guess what kind of future each person had?" All the students picked Person C to be the person who would become extraordinary. As for the future of these three people, they guessed that Person A and Person B would probably have a bleak future; maybe they became criminals, or perhaps just a burden to society, while Person C probably became a great success. Ms. Fila then said, "Your guesses are the same as what most people would guess, but in actuality, you are all wrong. You are probably familiar with these three people; they are famous people from World War II. Person A was Franklin Roosevelt. Although his body was partially paralyzed, his will remained strong. He served as America's president for four terms. Person B is Winston Churchill, who is probably the most famous Prime Minister in British history. Person C is also someone you should all know. His name is Adolf Hitler, the fascist leader who killed millions of innocent people." All the students stared in shock at Ms. Fila, afraid that maybe they heard her wrong. Ms. Fila said, "Your life has barely begun. Your past mistakes and shame can only represent your past. But what truly represents you as a person is what you do now and in the future. No one is perfect. Even great heroes have faults and make mistakes. If you can walk out of your past shadows and start working hard today, you can all become extraordinary people in the future." Thanks to Ms. Fila, the lives of these 26 students were changed. They all went on to become great people. Some became psychologists, some became judges, some became pilots. Of special mention is Robert Harrison. He was the biggest troublemaker in the class, yet he later became Wall Street's youngest Fund Manager. Later, a student of Ms. Fila said, "We all thought we were beyond saving because that's how everyone viewed us. Ms. Fila was the first person to give us a wake-up call: the past isn't what's important, what's important is what we do now and in the future." (Story Source: Harvard Family Instruction, Chapter 2) Commentary There's an old saying that goes "You gotta believe to achieve!" Indeed, our beliefs paint our thoughts, our thoughts determine our actions, and our actions create our life. Ms. Fila served as a cheerleader for these students, helping them believe in themselves, and that was critical for them to turn a bleak future into a bright one. Something I've learned over the years is that everyone needs a cheerleader , that is someone who believes in us and encourages us when we doubt ourselves or face major setbacks in life. This kind of person isn't easy to find in a world where naysayers are common, that is people who usually doubt or criticize others. If we are fortunate to have a cheerleader in our life, then we ought to cherish them. But we cannot control others, we can only control ourselves, so it's best if we can be our own cheerleader. And since the world lacks cheerleaders, we should try to be cheerleaders rather than naysayers for others. Image Source Encouraging Ourselves There are many ways to encourage ourselves, but two major ones are saying self-affirmations and consuming positive content, such as motivational books, quotes, and movies. Self-affirmations aren't just empty words. They should be reasonable, inspirational, and aspirational. They should help us feel calm and motivated. In Think Like A Monk, author Jay Shetty gives examples of self-affirmations we can repeat to ourselves over and over again as a form of meditation: “At your own pace, in your own time.” “This too shall pass.” “Live everything” “This moment is yours.” "I am happy about who I am becoming. I am open to all opportunities and possibilities. I am worthy of real love. I am ready to serve with all I have." Ultimately, the way we think is a habit, and habits can be re-trained through repetition and persistence. It's kind of like building muscle at the gym. At first, our "self-affirmation muscle" is weak, but if we practice it every day, after some time, it will get stronger, and the habit will develop. In terms of consuming positive content, there is so much negative content out there because negative content attracts attention, and attention brings money to the media companies. Hence, we really need to make a conscious effort to filter our entertainment, social media, and news. I unfollowed a lot of people on social media and chose positive influences to follow. I also like to read about ancient philosophies like Stoicism, Buddhism, Confucianism, and Daoism, because they offer useful wisdom that really solve my worries. For example, I used to worry a lot about future results, but then I started using a motto of Stoicism: "Do your best in all that you can control. Let go of everything else. Worrying about things outside your control is not only pointless, it's harmful." If I start doubting my abilities, I remind myself of this quote by contemporary Stoic Ryan Holiday: "Don't forget, though, that you come from a long, unbroken line of ancestors who survived unimaginable adversity, difficulty, and struggle. It's their genes and their blood that run through your body right now… as their viable offspring, you're capable of what they are capable of. You're meant for this." When I struggle in my job as a teacher, I like to watch The Ron Clark Story because he has so much faith in his students and passion for his job; it rubs off on me. When I face a major setback or failure, I like to watch a short video by Jay Shetty called Build A Life Not A Resume. The key message is that failure is extremely normal, and that all great successful people had lots of failure in the past, and the important thing is that we learn and rise from failures. Moreover, life might have some bigger plans in store for us, so we need to keep improving ourselves. When we are able to be our own cheerleader, we will have a much happier life, and we can be cheerleaders for others too. Encouraging Others I work as a teacher, and I've learned that one of the most important jobs of a teacher is to encourage and believe in our students. Isn't this also true for family, friends, and teammates? When one of my students barely passed a quiz recently, I first wrote this feedback, "It seems like you need to review the content more. You also skipped a few questions by accident. Be more careful in the future." But I reflected that this isn't very encouraging, so I rewrote it: "You've only learned for such a short time, and you still passed. This is quite impressive. I believe you can do better though. How about you study again and do another quiz next week?" A lot of teachers focus on their students' problems, which hurts the students' self-confidence and makes the teacher feel negative. Over time, the teacher might even start doubting their own teaching abilities. I've noticed that when I focus on encouraging my students, I always look for their good points and improvement, thus they feel more motivated and work harder, which then affirms and encourages me as a teacher. Win-win! This doesn't just apply to teacher-student relationships, this applies to all relationships, whether family, friends, or work. Many years ago, my relationship with my mother involved a lot of mutual criticizing. Later, I did an experiment where I forced myself to praise one thing about her every day, which forced me to look for her good points. After a few weeks, she started praising me too, and slowly we came to see and appreciate each other more and criticize less. At work, another teacher asked me to observe his class, and I gave a lot of points for him to improve on. This hurt his confidence and made him defensive. Afterwards, I realized I should have been more considerate. There's a Chinese saying that goes, "When criticizing others' faults, don't be overly strict; consider how much they can accept. When teaching others to be better, don't be overly demanding; start with what they can do." (Original Text: 攻人之恶毋太严，要思其堪受；教人以善毋过高，当使其可从。) It would have been better if I gave him three praises and just one thing to focus on improving. Then he would have felt good about himself and motivated to improve. Later, when he was talking to me about some problems he had with his class, he reflected that a big part of the problem is himself. Fortunately, I remembered to be a cheerleader that time, and I told him, "You've improved a lot in a short time. Your students gave great feedback about your class recently. You can do it." He was very appreciative of the encouragement, and our past friction seemed to dissolve. This experience reinforced the importance of being a cheerleader for others. Conclusion We are all going to face setbacks and criticisms in life. Having someone else who can be our cheerleader is a great fortune, but that might be very hard to come by. Fortunately, we can be our own cheerleader, and in doing so, we will have a much happier life. When we are full of positive energy, it's much easier and natural for us to be cheerleaders for others, and that can really impact other's lives for the better, just like what Ms. Fila did for her students. Weekly Wisdom #244

Have you ever scolded or criticized others for their faults and mistakes? Did they change afterwards? If so, was that change long-lasting? I once heard a thought-provoking quote from William Cowper: "I believe no one was ever scolded out of his sins." Here, scolding refers to venting anger at the other person. That just makes the other person feel bad, and they might feel our anger is excessive, in which they would feel wronged and oppose us. Although scolding might feel good in the moment, it breaks trust with the other person and reduces their motivation to improve. Confucius said, "Leading the people with regulations and governing them through punishment, the people will try to avoid punishment and have no shame. Leading the people with virtue and governing them through propriety, the people will have a sense of shame and constrain themselves." (Original text: 導之以政，齊之以刑，民免而無恥；導之以德，齊之以禮，有恥且格。) Confucius does not deny the need for laws, rules, and punishment, but he is saying that these are not enough. If we only use rules and punishment, but the people do not feel that what they did is wrong (i.e., do not feel ashamed), then the people will simply try to not get caught. The same is true if we are always scolding or criticizing others, but they feel like we're overreacting or being unfair to them. If we want the other person to feel self-motivated to change, then we have to awaken their sense of morality and shame. Image Source To do that, we need to use virtue. More specifically, we need to be sincerely kind and respectful. When they feel that we truly want the best for them despite their bad behavior, they will eventually feel that not improving themselves is morally wrong, and then they will be motivated to change on their own accord. Below are a few stories to illustrate. Story 1: Emperor Shun at Lake Leize Below is a story from the book Liao Fan's Four Lessons: "In the Yu Dynasty, there once was an emperor by the name of Shun. One day, before he became emperor, Shun was watching some fishermen on Lake Leize. He noticed that all the younger and stronger fishermen took the spots where the water was deep and the fish were abundant, while the older and weaker fishermen were left with the rapids and shallow water, where there were very few fish. When Shun saw this situation, he felt sympathy for all those people, and he thought of a way to turn the situation around. He decided to personally join the fishing party to set an example for others. Whenever he saw fishermen plunder good fishing spots, he would conceal their faults and never even spoke of their selfishness. When he saw those who were humble and yielding, he praised them everywhere he went and even followed their humble and polite ways. Shun stayed and fished like this for a whole year until the other fishermen got into the habit of yielding good fishing spots to others." One question people might have is, "I can understand why Shun would feel sympathy for the older and weaker fishermen, but why would he feel sympathy for the younger and selfish fishermen? Those bullies deserve to get scolded!" True and sincere kindness is not conditional and does not discriminate among "good versus bad". Truly kind people wouldn't be mean or harsh to others just because they are bad or rude or selfish. Moreover, we have to have faith that all people possess a conscience. It's just that some people's conscience get muddled by selfishness, but if they encounter a good role model, their inner conscience can be awakened, and their innate goodness can be brought out. Think about it, if we could be a good person, who would choose to be bad? If we could be liked and praised by others, who would choose to be disliked and scolded by others? If we could have harmonious relationships, who would choose conflict? So when Shun saw those younger and selfish fishermen, he felt it was a pity that these young people have a muddled sense of conscience. They have so much potential for goodness, but they're not realizing it. Moreover, by being selfish and disrespectful towards elders, they are creating negative karma for themselves. Their arrogance and selfishness will create a lot of conflict and suffering. People will dislike them and not want to help them in the future. Thus, Shun also felt pity for them and wanted to help them recover their innate goodness. Image Source: Gemini We might also wonder why Shun didn't criticize the younger fishermen and instead fished with them for a whole year. Is that really necessary? Mr. Liao Fan answered this question in his comments to the story: "A wise and intelligent man such as Shun could have easily influenced others with a few words. Why didn't he just use words to teach the people instead of personally joining the gathering? You should understand that Shun wanted those fishermen to feel ashamed of their own selfish behavior and change on their own accord. This really shows how deep and sincere Shun's kindness was." Mr. Liao Fan also gave us very insightful advice on how to learn from Shun: "In today's era of low morality, social breakdown, and loss of proper thinking, it is most difficult to find a good role model. Therefore, don’t let our strengths overshadow others. Don’t let our goodness make others look bad. Don’t let our strong abilities trouble others. Rein in our abilities and intelligence, as if without. When we see others' faults, tolerate and conceal it. Firstly, this gives them an opportunity to reform without losing dignity. Secondly, when they know we know, yet we don't reveal their disgrace, they will be more restrained and behave more cautiously. When we see others with even the slightest strength or goodness, we should whole-heartedly emulate them and praise them broadly. In daily life, for every word we speak and every action we do, we shouldn't just think of ourselves, but rather think of setting a good role model for the world. This is truly being a great person who puts the world in one's heart." For Mr. Liao to give such insightful advice, he must have had great role models who taught him well. One such person was his uncle-in-law. Story 2: Covering Up for Servants Mr. Shen Xinsong (沈心松) was Mr. Liao Fan's uncle-in-law. He lived in a coastal town and was quite well-off with many servants in the household. One time, he attended a banquet together with his servants. On the way there, his servants rowed the boat. During the banquet, the servants got carried away drinking, and they passed out. Originally, it was supposed to be the servants who should have rowed the boat to carry Mr. Shen home. However, it ended up being Mr. Shen rowing the servants home. He personally delivered all the servants to their wives. Image Source: GPT (Pause: If you were Mr. Shen, what would you be thinking about those servants? How would you treat them later?) The next day, Mr. Shen didn't wake up on time. After a while, his wife thought something was wrong because Mr. Shen never wakes up so late. She then shook him awake and asked, "Why are you sleeping in so late today?" (Pause: What do you think Mr. Shen is doing?) Mr. Shen explained, "Actually, I'm already awake. Yesterday, the servants got too drunk, and I ended up having to row them home. They'll probably wake up very late today and feel bad for their behavior last night. If today I get out of bed before the servants, they will feel even worse when they see me. That's why I'm waiting until they've all gotten up before I get up." His wife was quite touched by her husband's kindness towards the servants. We can only imagine how the servants and their families would feel when word eventually spreads. Some people might argue that the servants should be punished to learn their lesson. There really isn't one correct answer suitable for all situations. We have to judge case by case. In this case, Mr. Shen's servants probably had a good track record in the past, and he knows that they would feel ashamed of their behavior and be more motivated to do better if he concealed their faults. However, some people have stubborn bad habits, and treating them nicely all the time might make them more daring. On the other hand, if they receive strict punishment, they know that certain behavior is not acceptable. Sometimes, we may need to enforce punishments because it's part of the rules or the law. This is necessary to protect the bigger group and maintain order. But we can still enforce rules and punishments with a kind intention, with the intention to benefit them and help them reform, not with the intention to vent anger or for them to "get what they deserve". People can feel our intentions, and when they feel that we still want the best for them despite their bad behavior, that will also awaken their conscience. Story 3: Zigao and the Gatekeeper Around 2500 years ago, Zigao (子羔), a student of Confucius, was serving as an official in the State of Wei. Once, he had to oversee a punishment that involved amputating a criminal's foot. Later, political turmoil broke out in the state, and Zigao's life was in danger. He hurried toward the city's outer gate to escape, but by the time he arrived, the gate had already been closed. Moreover, the gatekeeper happened to be the very man whose foot had been amputated under Zigao's orders. When Zigao saw him, he was quite startled. To his surprise, the gatekeeper said, "Over there! There is a gap in the wall. The wall is lower there. You can climb over it and escape!" Zigao replied, "An exemplary person does not climb over walls." (Context: Zigao is trying to follow the teachings of his teacher. He believes that he should maintain a dignified manner, and climbing over walls is not dignified. One can argue that making an exception to save his own life should be more appropriate, but he chose to prioritize dignity. At the very least, his dedication to following his teacher's teachings is admirable.) Seeing that Zigao would not climb the wall, the gatekeeper said, "Over there is a hole! You can crawl through it and escape." Zigao replied, "An exemplary person does not crawl through holes." At that moment, the pursuers were drawing near. The gatekeeper quickly said, “There is a room here. Hide inside first.” Image Source: Gemini Zigao hid in the room, and the gatekeepers distracted the pursuers until they left. Afterwards, Zigao asked the gatekeeper: “I could not neglect the laws of the ruler and the state. Therefore, I personally oversaw the amputation of your foot. When I was in danger, it would have been the perfect chance for you to get revenge. Why did you save me?" The gatekeeper replied: “The loss of my foot was the result of my own crime. I deserved the punishment. There was no avoiding it. But when you judged my case, you repeatedly examined the laws and regulations. You carefully considered every possibility and reviewed my case again and again. You sincerely hoped that I might receive a lighter sentence or even be spared from punishment.” Thus, we can see that Zigao had sincere kindness towards all, even criminals. He did everything within the law to seek the most lenient outcome possible, that that's why the man whose foot had been amputated was grateful rather than resentful. Because of Zigao's virtue, that man was probably inspired to turn over a new leaf and become a better person afterwards. Story 4: How King Zhuang's Kindness Saved His Life During the Spring and Autumn period around 2500 years ago, King Zhuang of the State of Chu was once hosting a banquet for his ministers. Suddenly a strong wind blew out the lamps. Since everyone had been drinking, some misconduct occurred. One minister took the opportunity to tug at the robes of one of the king’s consorts. The consort reacted quickly. As soon as someone grabbed her clothing, she immediately tore off the tassel (accessory) from the man’s hat and hurried to report to King Zhuang: “Someone behaved improperly towards me and pulled my clothes. Quickly relight the lamps, and identify whoever’s hat tassel is missing!” (Pause: If you were King Zhuang, what would you do?) King Zhuang said to her, "I'm sorry to hear that. However, since I invited everyone here and provided them with alcohol, I should let them enjoy themselves fully. I cannot satisfy only your wish while ruining everyone else's enjoyment. Besides, after drinking, it is understandable that some people may lose their composure. I hope you can be more tolerant and understanding." He then made an announcement: "Tonight, everyone should drink freely until all the hat tassels are torn off!" After hearing this, everyone tore off their hat tassels. When the lamps were relit, no one could tell who the culprit was. Later, the State of Chu went to war with the State of Jin. During a particularly dangerous moment in battle, one soldier fought desperately across the battlefield to rescue King Zhuang. After the victory, King Zhuang asked that soldier, “In the past, I never treated you with any special favor. Why did you risk your life to save me?” The soldier replied: “I was the one whose hat tassel was torn off that night. Ever since then, I have always thought about how to repay Your Majesty’s kindness.” Image Source: GPT Thus, King Zhuang's kindness saved his own life. Some people might argue that it's wrong for the minister to pull on a consort's robe, and that he should be punished accordingly. While it is true that what the minister did is wrong, we can't look at a situation from just one perspective. We have to look at situations from multiple perspectives and weigh multiple factors to make a decision that creates the best likely outcome for as many people as possible. If the king had lit the lamps to catch the culprit, what would've happened? That minister would have been caught, and his life would have been ruined. Everyone would have shamed him and his family, and his future prospects would have been bleak. He would also resent the king for ruining his life over a minor incident. Moreover, other ministers and citizens might lose trust and respect towards the king for reacting so strongly towards a small incident. After all, the person merely pulled at a consort's robes. It might've been an accident since the lamps were extinguished. Everyone was drinking, so he might not have been clear on what was happening either. When the king chose to save the minister from public disgrace, the minister would have later realized how dangerous his situation was, and that he could've had his life ruined if it were not for the king's kindness. That would arouse his sense of morality, and he became extremely motivated to serve the king. Moreover, the consort would probably spread the word about what happened that night, and others would also realize how considerate the king is, and people would gain more trust and respect towards him as a result. Concluding Thoughts People aren't self-motivated to change themselves for the better because someone angrily scolded them. They might reluctantly submit if you have more power, but they'll be looking for an opportunity to rebel in the future. If we truly want to awaken others' sense of morality and conscience, we need to cultivate sincere kindness and respect. When we see other people's faults, do we feel upset at them? Or do we feel it's a pity that their conscience is muddled and that they are creating negative karma? Do we label others as a hopeless cause? Or do we have faith that they can become good if we set a good role model for them? We others make mistakes, do we scold them, especially in front of others, making them look bad? Or do we save them from disgrace and conceal their faults? When others do good, do we take it for granted that they should do it, or even feel like it's not nearly enough to make up for their faults? Or do we affirm them and praise them broadly towards others? Are we impatient for them to change? Or are we sincere and patient? After all, a sage like Shun had to spend a year to change those fishermen. We're probably not as sagacious as Shun…How long would we need to influence others? When we change the way we treat others, it will naturally change the way others treat us. Weekly Wisdom #397

During the Song Dynasty (960–1279), there was a woman named Zou Ying. Her father's first wife passed away early after giving birth to a son. Later, the father remarried, and they gave birth to Zou Ying. When her brother (half-brother) grew up, he married. The mother disliked this daughter-in-law that her stepson married and often mistreated her. She would purposely assign heavy work to her, or give her very little food, or harshly criticize her for small mistakes. (Pause: If you were Zou Ying, seeing your sister-in-law being mistreated by your mother, how would you feel? What would you do?) Seeing her mother and sister-in-law like this, Zou Ying was saddened. Whenever her mother assigned heavy work to her sister-in-law, Zou Ying would secretly help her complete it. When she gave her sister-in-law too little food, Zou Ying would share her own portion. Sometimes, when her sister-in-law made mistakes, the mother would punish her with a stick. Zou Ying would immediately rush over and say, "Mother, I did it. I should be the one punished." Her mother would angrily say, "Get out of the way!" (Pause: If you were Zou Ying, how would you respond?) Zou Ying would reply, "Mother, one day I will marry into another family. Would you want my mother-in-law to beat me like this?" The mother's anger then subsided. Image Source: Gemini Her good character spread around, and she naturally attracted an excellent family to marry into. Later, Zou Ying had a child, and she returned to visit her parents' home carrying her baby. Her sister-in-law was overjoyed. Since Zou Ying had cared for and protected her in every possible way, her sister-in-law had long been deeply grateful. She loved Zou Ying’s child as if it were her own. One day, her sister-in-law brought the baby, who was not even a year old yet, into her own room. Unfortunately, an accident occurred. Somehow, the child rolled onto the floor and hit his head on the stove and died. Zou Ying and her mother immediately came over when they heard the accident. (Pause: If you were Zou Ying or the mother, how would you respond?) The mother was absolutely furious. She reached for the stick to beat her daughter-in-law. Although Zou Ying was deeply saddened by the loss of her child, she also empathized with her sister-in-law's grief and fear and understood her mother's anger. She immediately stepped forward and said, "Mother, my sister-in-law didn’t know I had placed the child in her room. I was the one who put the child there. It's my fault." The mother was speechless and left. Later, the sister-in-law wept continuously. (Pause: If you were Zou Ying, how might you comfort the sister-in-law?) Zou Ying said to her, "Last night, I had a dream. In the dream, I saw that this child would die today. The child and I were incompatible by fate. If he remained alive, it would bring harm to me. So please, don't be so grieved." Her sister-in-law appreciated her kind intentions, but she was still guilt-stricken. At meal times, she didn't have an appetite to eat. Zou Ying said, "If you do not eat, then I will not eat either." Seeing Zou Ying's sincerity, she reluctantly began to eat. Only then did Zou Ying feel at ease and eat herself. Later, Zou Ying became seriously ill. (Pause: If you were the sister-in-law, how might you try to help Zou Ying?) Out of desperation to help, her sister-in-law made a vow to the Heavens: "I wish for my sister-in-law to recover from her illness. I will accumulate merits and blessings by maintaining a vegetarian diet for the next three years. May all the merits and blessings be transferred to my sister-in-law." Eventually, Zou Ying recovered. Such profound sincerity moved her mother's heart, and she became much kinder towards her daughter-in-law. Later on, Zou Ying gave birth to five sons. Four of them passed the highest level of imperial exams and went on to become prominent government officials. Zou Ying also lived to the age of 93. (Story Source) Commentary I really admire Zou Ying, and I view her as an exemplar of deep kindness. Kindness, compassion, empathy, and consideration are all virtues that I'm trying to improve, and I should learn from Zou Ying's role modelling. If I see someone mistreating another, I might criticize or reprimand the person for being unjust. But when Zou Ying saw her mother mistreating her sister-in-law, she never opposed her mother, viewed her in negative light, or criticized her out of anger. She could understand and tolerate her mother's faults, and she focused on helping her mother dissolve her anger as fast as possible each time. That's why she would take the blame for sister-in-law's mistakes even though it's not her fault. She also sincerely urged her mother to change. Because she sincerely wanted the best for her mother, she was able to say the words, "Mother, one day I will marry into another family. Would you want my mother-in-law to beat me like this?" If her heart had opposition towards her mother, she wouldn't be able to think of such words. This shows her deep kindness towards her mother. When she saw her sister-in-law being mistreated, she did not turn a blind eye toward, thinking, "It's none of my business." She proactively tried to help her sister-in-law, even to the point of taking on the blame for her sister-in-law's mistakes to help her mother calm down. Feeling bad for others' mistreatment is empathy. Speaking up about it and risking conflict is kindness. Continually being willing to suffer losses and mistreatment in order to help others is deep kindness, and that's something I can work on. When her baby had an accident in her sister-in-law's room and died, I can only imagine how painful that must have been for her. For most people, a newborn baby is the most precious thing, especially to the mother who personally went through so much pain to give birth to the baby. If I were in her situation, I would probably be overstricken with grief, unable to think about anyone else's feelings in such pain. But Zou Ying was still able to empathize with her mother and sister-in-law despite experiencing such a painful loss. She could understand that her mother would be extremely angry, and that her sister-in-law would be extremely guilt-stricken. Her empathy for others' feelings and desire to help others is so deep that she could let go of her own pain and instead focus on helping others. That's why she immediately said, "Mother, my sister-in-law didn’t know I had placed the child in her room. I was the one who put the child there. It's my fault." Such words would help to calm her mother's rage, and such deep kindness is truly admirable. Of course, when her sister-in-law heard such words, she would feel even more guilt-stricken because she knows Zou Ying is trying to cover up for her yet again. That's why Zou Ying said, "Last night, I had a dream. In the dream, I saw that this child would die today. The child and I were incompatible by fate. If he remained alive, it would bring harm to me. So please, don't be so grieved." When the sister-in-law heard such words, she might suspect that Zou Ying is making it up to comfort her, but she would surely appreciate Zou Ying's kind intentions. It's because of Zou Ying's deep kindness that her sister-in-law was able to quickly move on from that tragic accident and resume normal living. From a third person's perspective, it seems like Zou Ying suffered a lot of trouble and mistreatment due to her sister-in-law and mother. But I imagine that from Zou Ying's perspective, she felt like she was just doing what's moral right to help maintain harmony in the family. Moreover, what may seem like "suffering unfair trouble and mistreatment" was actually planting the seeds for future fortune. Because she gave so much kindness to her sister-in-law, when Zou Ying got sick, her sister-in-law practiced good deeds like vegetarianism for three years, everyday praying for her and dedicating merits to her. Science has proven that our thoughts can affect the physical matter around us. For example, Dr. Emoto gathered over 100 people to single-mindedly pray for a polluted bay by Lake Biwa for one hour, and three days later, that bay became clean. Similarly, the sister-in-law's sincere prayers for Zou Ying would surely help her recovery. When her mother saw how much Zou Ying cared for her sister-in-law, and later saw how much her sister-in-law cared for Zou Ying, the mother also had a change of heart, and the family became harmonious. A harmonious family is also a great fortune. Later, Zou Ying gave birth to five sons, four of whom became high ranking government officials. Having great descendants with wealth and prestige is also a form of fortune. She also lived to 93, and longevity is also a form of fortune. We can all learn from Zou Ying's deep kindness by Taking (or at least sharing) the blame when others are criticized Focusing on dissolving others' anger rather than judging them for it Advising with the intention to help others, not to vent anger Comforting others when they feel bad or guilt-stricken Putting others' feelings first Being willing to suffer trouble and mistreatment for the sake of others Such deep kindness and virtues will naturally reap great fortune, and we ought to start with our closest relationships, such as with our parents, spouse, and family. Weekly Wisdom #398

This past week was the first year anniversary of the departure of Venerable Jing Kong, and in honor of this, I wanted to share another one of his teachings that benefitted me a lot. Last year, I wrote about The Enlightened Mind, and this year's article is about The Six Paramitas. These are six virtues practiced by those seeking enlightenment, and they are giving, precepts, endurance, diligence, concentration, and wisdom. Icon Sources: Flaticon One thing that Venerable Jing Kong emphasized is that Buddhism is not superstitious praying for good luck, Buddhism is highly applicable to daily life, and The Six Paramitas are a great example. No matter what job or task we are doing, we can apply The Six Paramitas to do it superbly AND improve ourselves in the process. Oftentimes, people try to improve their performance by improving the method or tools. For example, a teacher might try a different teaching method or a new teaching tool. A chef might try a new recipe or a new cooking utensil. While these can be helpful, Buddhism teaches us to get to the root of the matter, which is the mind. Think about it, if someone's mind is muddled and dull, then even if you give them a great method and tool to do the task, can they do a good job? Hence, The Six Paramitas focus on cultivating our mind. Specifically, each Paramita counteracts a vice: Giving counteracts selfishness Precepts counteract bad behavior Endurance counteracts anger Diligence counteracts laziness Concentration counteracts distraction Wisdom counteracts ignorance The Six Paramitas make our mind sharper and stronger, which then allows us to do any and all tasks better. This article will explain each paramita, then give real life examples. Here is a table of contents to help you navigate this article. Giving Precepts Endurance Diligence Concentration Wisdom 1: Giving When most people hear giving, they think about giving away money and objects, but giving is much broader and deeper than that. Giving is all about broadening our hearts and weakening our attachment to self. Buddhism teaches four categories of giving: Giving material wealth, objects, and property Giving energy and time Giving non-fear (comfort and happiness) Giving knowledge and wisdom Icon Sources: Flaticon Why should we practice giving? Because giving makes us happy! This has been proven by many scientific studies, but we can easily think about the people we know. Is it the stingy person or the generous person who is usually happy, relaxed, and carefree? Do we ourselves feel happier and relaxed when we are generous or when we are selfish? This first paramita is so important because so many people are working so hard every day, but their hard work is not reaping them more happiness. Isn't that such a shame? If we could swap our motivation for working hard from selfish desire to giving, then we would feel happier, have more motivation, and be more productive! As mentioned before, giving is about broadening our hearts and weakening our attachment to self. The Buddha taught that all suffering comes from our attachment to self. The stronger our attachment to self, the stronger our negative emotions, such as greed, anger, sadness, and fear. When our ego is extremely strong, all we can think about is ourselves and what we want. When we don't have what we want, we feel suffering in the form from craving, sadness, or anger. Even if we obtain what we want, we start fearing that we might lose it, or we'll compare ourselves to others and start craving for more. Icon Sources: Flaticon On the other hand, if we focus on giving, on helping others, and on serving others, then our sense of self naturally weakens. "Naturally" is the key word. If I tell you "Don't think of a pink elephant", what happens? You think of a pink elephant. Similarly, if we tell ourselves "Don't think of myself", it's pretty hard to do. But by focusing on giving to others, we naturally forget about ourselves, which reduces our suffering and naturally brings us joy. Hence, Venerable Jing Kong taught everyone to follow this motto: "Always think to help others with every thought." Indeed, I have found that when I focus on helping others, I can more easily let go of negative emotions, understand others, and solve conflicts more harmoniously. When I am tired or facing difficulty, if I can think of my parents and teachers and all the support they've given me, it motivates me to push through. One more important point to mention about giving is karma. According to karma, what goes around comes around. Icon Sources: Flaticon Think about it, if someone helped you, you would want to return the favor in the future, right? When we give others happiness, we feel happy too, right? When we teach things to others, we get smarter too, no? So a person who is always happily helping others will naturally create good karma, and in the future, people will naturally want to return the favor. Even strangers that the person never met would want to help that person because of that person's good name. Therefore, giving is not only great for our mental wellbeing now, it is also great for our future. Now that we know why giving is so important, let's go into more detail about the four categories of giving. 1.1: Giving material wealth, objects, and property We might say that it's easier for the rich and wealthy to do this compared to the poor, but the important thing is not how much wealth you give, it's about the sincerity of your intention. Let's assume there are two people. Person A has $1000 and Person B has $100. A charity asks them to donate some money. Person A thinks, "I work so hard for my money, and you want me to just give you my hard-earned money? Ugh, but you're a charity, so I feel bad for rejecting you. Fine, I'll give $100." Person B thinks, "Oh this charity is doing really important work! Well, I only have $100, but I'm happy to give $50!" Who do you think cultivated the paramita of giving better? Who do you think had a happier look on their face when they gave the money? Who do you think the charity person would feel more touched by? Remember that Buddhism is about cultivating the mind; therefore, Person B actually cultivated the paramita of giving better! However, Person A is still pretty good because he was willing to give when many people are not. Most of us were taught to be selfish growing up, so when we first practice giving, it can feel a little forced and unnatural. But as we practice more, it'll become more natural, and we will feel happier, more relaxed, and more carefree. With that kind of mental state, we will have happier relationships and be more effective at work. 1.2 Giving energy and time We might not all be rich, but we all have energy and time. At home, we can give energy and time by doing the chores, cooking, and cleaning. At work, we can help our coworkers if we have extra time. With our friends or other people, we can listen to them attentively. These are things we probably have to do anyway, but if we do them reluctantly, we are increasing our attachment to self and suffering. If instead, we do them with the intention of giving, then we reduce our attachment to self while also gaining joy from helping others. Win-win! Icon Sources: Flaticon Similar to giving material wealth, the important thing is not about how much time and energy we give, but the sincerity with which we do it. If I give someone one hour of my time, but the whole time I feel reluctant, then that would not be as good as giving half an hour of sincere time. However, generally speaking, when we are more sincere, we would give more of our capability. For example, if I have two hours of capability, and I have 100% sincerity, then I would give the full two hours. 1.3 Giving non-fear Giving non-fear means easing others fears and giving them comfort, peace, and happiness. Examples include Donating money to help people with hospital or medicine fees (giving of wealth and non-fear) Donating towards disaster relief Listening to others with empathy (giving of energy and non-fear) Do acts of kindness to make others feel warm and happy Giving a smile to someone who is having a tough day Giving others encouragement rather than criticism Yielding in a conflict or disagreement rather than getting angry Icon Sources: Flaticon Aside from being the good thing to do, giving non-fear is also the wise thing to do from the perspective of karma. Think about it: If a person always makes other people feel afraid or bad about themselves, then lots of people will resent him, and he will worry about his enemies hurting him in the future. But if a person always helps other people feel good and encourages them, then he makes lots of friends, and he will feel happy, peaceful, and at ease. 1.4 Giving knowledge and wisdom This one is fairly self-explanatory. It's not only teachers that give knowledge and wisdom, any of us can. To give some examples: Sharing useful things you've learned with family and friends Teaching a grandparent how to use a new piece of technology Teaching a child how to do their homework Tutoring a classmate Teaching a coworker how to do a task better Giving a useful book to someone Writing to promote wisdom According to karma, those who give knowledge and wisdom will in turn become more knowledgeable and wiser. We've probably all been students in the past, and when we had to explain a concept to a classmate, or explain it on a test, we are forced to articulate it clearly, which then helps us to understand it better. Even now, as a teacher, I teach the same class over and over again, and I find that after teaching the same topic so many times, I gain a much deeper understanding of it myself. 2: Precepts Precepts means abiding by rules. The spirit of precepts is moral self-discipline. Buddhism has rules for its students, such as no killing, no stealing, no adultery, no lying, no slandering, no foul speech, no enticing speech, no greed, no anger, and no ignorance. These rules all help us to purify the mind from negative emotions and cultivate good karma. When I heard about these precepts, I thought, "Wow, a true Buddhist should be a really good and moral person then!" But precepts apply to any situation where there are rules involved. Here are some common examples: Following best practices in your industry or field of work Following a recipe when cooking a dish Using proper grammar when writing Following the country's laws Following the school rules Following the company policies Why should we follow rules? Because it is an important way to practice giving, specifically giving non-fear. In other words, giving is foundational for precepts. Think about it: If you are a leader, why do you establish rules? Obviously for the greater good of your country, company, or group of people. If you know there is a person who doesn't like to follow rules, how would you feel? You'd probably be afraid of that person causing trouble and harming others! And if we are the person who likes to break rules, how do we feel? Probably annoyed at the rules, which means suffering from an over-focus on self, and fear of being caught if we break the rules. Hence, following precepts is good for ourselves and others. Just to be clear, precepts are not about blindly following rules or forcing yourself to follow rules that seem unreasonable. It's important to first understand why the rules are in place, then we would willingly follow the rules because we know the benefits. There can be rare occasions where it is appropriate to break the rules, but we should be doing so with the intention of giving, not of selfishness. For example, if someone in my car got a heart attack, then I would break the traffic laws and speed to the hospital to save a life. However, such situations are rare, and we should be clear about our intentions being unselfish if we are to break a rule. 3: Endurance The third paramita can be translated as endurance, perseverance, or patience. I picked "endurance" because I think endurance not only encompasses perseverance and patience, but it also encompasses enduring negative emotions such as anger, frustration, and impatience. Precepts are helpful for endurance. If we have clear rules to follow, it is easier for us to persevere. For example, if we commit to not getting angry at others as a precept, then we are much more able to endure anger. If we attend a class where attendance is mandatory, then it is much easier for us to not skip class. If I commit to writing a blog post every week, then it is much easier for me to persist and not be lazy. The Buddha said, "The success of everything depends on endurance." Nothing worthwhile in life is attained instantaneously. It takes time and persistent effort to overcome all the obstacles and hardships on the way to our goals. To succeed in school, we need to endure difficult classes and stressful exam periods. To succeed in getting a job, we need to endure the long process of job searching, interviewing, and rejections, until we finally land a good job. To succeed in any relationship, we need to endure conflicts and negative emotions by being patient, tolerant, and yielding towards others. Icon Sources: Flaticon The most important thing is to be able to endure negative emotions. If we let negative emotions get the better of us, then we will fail right there and then. For example, a relationship is broken when we cannot endure anger. A project or a piece of work is ruined when we cannot endure impatience. A job search fails when we cannot endure disappointment. How can we endure negative emotions? Again, the foundation is in the first paramita of giving. Obviously, having a weaker attachment to self will reduce our negative emotions, making it easier to endure. But giving is also about broadening our hearts. When we broaden our hearts, we do things for the sake of others. Think of any great hero. Surely, they had to endure tremendous hardship. Were they able to endure because of their own self-interest? Or was it because they had their family, country, even the world in their heart? Icon Sources: Flaticon As a student, even if school is hard, when I think of how hard my parents work to pay for my schooling and all the love they gave me, I will feel motivated to push through. In my relationships, even though we are having an argument, when I think about the past kindness and love that this person has given me, I am willing to let go of my anger and try to create a better future together. Although my work is difficult, when I think about how many people my work helps, I am willing to persevere for them. A great Buddhist practitioner named Huang Nianzu explained six ways of enduring. Endure through force: When I feel anger arising, force it down. Don’t speak in an upset state of mind. Leave the situation to calm down. Endure through forgetting: Wait until calm. Then reflect on whether or not this matter is really that big of a deal. If it is, then communicate in a calm state of mind. Endure through reflection: What’s my contribution to the problem? When I admit my fault and correct myself, others’ behavior towards me will naturally change. Endure through observation: Understand their way of thinking and history. Change blame into understanding. Also observe that everything is impermanent and always changing. Don’t cling to the past or keep score. Endure through joy: They are helping me notice my faults and weaknesses. They are training me to improve my emotional regulation and virtues. I am thankful for their help and joyful from my improvement. Endure through compassion: No one is perfect. Let’s be tolerant and kind towards others despite their imperfections. Icon Sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 If we want a happy and successful life, then we must learn to endure. Towards matters, we need to have patience and be able to endure hardship. Towards people, we need to endure anger, annoyance, and conflict. Usually, we start by enduring via force, but to prevent resentment from accumulating, we need to also endure via forgetting, reflection, observation, gratitude, and/or compassion. 4: Diligence Diligence is about working hard. As mentioned before, diligence counteracts laziness. But this doesn't mean burning the midnight oil every day. True diligence is running a marathon, not a sprint. That means endurance is required for true diligence. It's better to push ourselves at 80% effort every day for many years than to push ourselves at 100% for a few weeks, run out of fuel, and then become lazy again. In Buddhism, diligence refers to correcting bad habits and improving one's virtues. In other words, if someone spends hours reading Buddhists texts, but they have not improved their moral character and relationships with others, then they only have the appearance of working hard, but they are not actually cultivating diligence. Buddhism teaches four types of diligence: For the virtues and good qualities I do not yet have, I should work hard to build them. For the virtues and good qualities I already have, I should try to hone them further. For the vices and bad qualities I already have, I should work hard to rid them. For the vices and bad qualities I do not have, I should be vigilant to prevent them. Icon Sources: Flaticon Similar to helping others, seeing our own self-improvement is a natural source of joy. As Socrates said, "Just as one person delights in improving his farm, and another his horse, so I delight in attending to my own improvement day by day." But it's also fine for the farmer to delight in improving his farm, or for us to delight in improving our work. In fact, diligence encompasses honing our craft. For example: A teacher hones her teaching skills by learning and practicing new teaching methods A chef hones his cooking skills by experimenting with new recipes A doctor improves her medical skills by staying up-to-date on the latest research A coder improves his coding skills by attending a coding workshop An athlete attends practice every day to keep improving In case you are wondering, yes, diligence is also a way to practice giving. We should be diligent to give more to others. It is good to be diligent because we love our craft, but it is even better if we can add giving into our intentions. After all, the reason we can do our work right now is because of our parents who raised us, our teachers who taught us, and the countless people who provide for our daily needs. How can we repay all their kindness? By improving my virtues and doing my job in society to the best of my ability. 5: Concentration The fifth paramita can be translated as meditative concentration, stillness of mind, fixedness, or mental stability. 5.1 Concentration in daily life In the context of daily life, we can think of it as being concentrated on whatever we do. When we are listening to someone speak, we are focused on them, not on the past, not on the future, not on the people in the background. When we are doing our work, we are focused on doing our work, not on our lunch later, not on the TV show we watched last night, not on the distracting background noise. When we are concentrated, we can do a good job. We can also think of concentration as cultivating a calm, serene, and pure mind. This kind of mental state would be able to excel at any task and handle any problem. The opposite would be an agitated and messy mind, which results from emotions such as excitement, anger, worry, fear, etc. This kind of agitated mental state would ruin tasks and make problems worse. Doing calming and relaxing activities every day can help us to cultivate serenity, such as meditation, deep breathing, listening to classical music, going for a calming walk, or taking a relaxing shower. Hence, there's a Zen saying that goes, "You should meditate for 20 minutes a day. Unless you're too busy, then you should meditate for an hour." In other words, if we are so busy that we can't even find 20 minutes to calm down and relax, then we need to calm down and relax even more. Doing so is highly worth it because it will not only improve our sense of peace and wellbeing, but also improve the effectiveness of our work after our mind has calmed down. 5.2 Concentration in Buddhism We can also interpret the fifth Paramita to mean "fixedness", in the sense that our mind is very stable and fixed on proper thoughts, such as the Six Paramitas. In other words, nothing can tempt my mind to leave the Six Paramitas. If I see others being selfish or breaking a rule or being lazy, I won't be tempted to do so. If someone tries to make me angry, I am fixed in my state of compassion and calm. From these examples, we can see that the previous Paramitas are important stepping stones to concentration. Another explanation of the fifth paramita is "meditative concentration", which is a much deeper and stronger concentration. It refers to the absence of attachment (e.g., I want this, I don't want that), discriminatory thoughts (e.g., this is good, that is bad), and wandering thoughts (e.g., What's for dinner tonight? What time is it?). Icon Sources: Flaticon Attachment, discriminatory thoughts, and wandering thoughts lead to what Buddhism calls "The Five Poisons", which are greed, anger, ignorance, arrogance, and doubt. Just from their names, we can see that the Five Poisons are very harmful to our mind. If we can practice the Six Paramitas, then we naturally will reduce and even eliminate mental afflictions and mental poisons. A similar idea to "meditative concentration" is flow state, which is when we are deeply focused and engaged in a task, such that we forget time, and our creativity is extremely high. For example, there are rare occasions when I get really into my writing, such that three hours passed by before I knew it. The whole time, I was totally focused and immersed in my writing, and I didn't feel any thirst, hunger, or need to go to the bathroom. But flow state is also different from meditative concentration because after flow state, people might feel a little tired, whereas meditative concentration is a state of calm and peace, and it wouldn't drain our energy. 6: Wisdom Wisdom can have different explanations as well. 6.1 Wisdom in daily life In the context of daily life, wisdom encompasses rationality, effective thinking, and good decision making. It also includes the clarity of mind to differentiate good from bad, right from wrong, appropriate from inappropriate, and benefit from harm. If the Six Paramitas were like a body, then wisdom would be the eyes. Without wisdom, the body would move around aimlessly, recklessly, and in vain, perhaps even hurting itself. Wisdom is also like light. Without it, we'd be lost wandering in the dark. Consider these examples: If we encounter a beggar on the street asking for money, and they smell of drugs, should we give them money? If the class rule says no cellphones in class, but a student is waiting for an emergency call from a relative, should we enforce that rule on this student? If everyone is criticizing me for quitting my job and chasing my dreams, should I keep enduring their criticism in the name of chasing my dreams? If I am working so hard at work that I barely spend time with my family, and they start to feel cold towards me, should I keep being diligent? If I am so focused on my work at hand that I forgot about my other responsibilities, is that good concentration? I've written about some standards for wisdom here. One of the most important ones is this one: "Do not just consider the present action, but also consider its side effects. Do not just consider immediate effects, but also consider the long-term effects. Do not just consider the effects on one person, but also consider the effects on the greater whole." —Liao Fan's Four Lessons Icon Sources: Flaticon Let's look at a couple of the examples mentioned above. If we give money to the beggar, even though our intention is to help him, he might use it to buy drugs, which would result in harming him. That's not wise. If our goal is to give him food, we could simply buy a meal for him. Not allowing cellphones in class is to help students focus in class, but this student is waiting for an emergency call from a relative; this is a special case that calls for compassion and understanding from the teacher. If the teacher refuses it, not only is she being heartless, she also causes the student to be even more unable to concentrate due to worrying about his relative, which defeats the whole purpose of enforcing the rule. For the remaining examples, you can try applying wisdom yourself to find an answer. In the context of work, wisdom is those highly creative ideas and intellectual breakthroughs that come from a highly focused or calm mind. For example, some people get great ideas while showering or meditating. Why? Because their mind was really calm and relaxed. People also get really creative ideas and make intellectual breakthroughs in flow state because they are calm and concentrated, with very little wandering or distracting thoughts. Therefore, if we want to have more creative breakthroughs, it's very helpful to cultivate calmness, serenity, and concentration via calming and relaxing activities. 6.2 Wisdom in Buddhism Wisdom also has a deeper meaning in Buddhism. The Buddha taught that everyone has the same innate, transcendent wisdom as the Buddhas, and this innate wisdom allows us to see the truth of the universe and transcend suffering. Such wisdom arises from a calm, pure, and concentrated mind. "Pure" refers to the absence of the Five Poisons (greed, anger, ignorance, arrogance, and doubt), and "concentrated" refers to the absence of attachments, discriminatory thoughts, and wandering thoughts. The stronger our purity and concentration, the more innate wisdom that flows out of our mind. The Buddha also taught us to first cultivate precepts, which purifies our mind from negative emotions and the five poisons. When we persist in precepts for a long enough time, we eventually become "concentrated" or "fixated" on them, such that nothing can pull our minds away from the precepts, resulting in meditative concentration. When we can maintain the state of a pure and concentrated mind for a long time, our innate wisdom will naturally flow out. Everything that the Buddha taught came out of his innate wisdom. It wasn't stuff he made up with wandering thoughts, discriminatory analysis, or personal attachments. Although we are not at the level of the Buddha yet, we are fortunate to have his teachings. Thus, following his teachings is like taking his wisdom and using it as our own. To give an analogy, let's say I'm a newbie chef. I don't know how to cook the best pumpkin soup in the world, but I can read the recipe written by the world's best chef and cook the same soup she did just by following her recipe. Of course, I need to work on my craft to eventually be able to create world-class recipes on my own, but in the meantime, I can follow recipes from top chefs. Similarly, I need to work on precepts, then concentration, then wisdom, but in the meantime, I can learn from the wise teachings left behind by the Buddha and other sages of the past (e.g., Confucius, Lao Zi, Socrates, Aristotle, Seneca, etc.). If I can live my life according to their teachings, then I would be living my life the same way the Buddha would, and I would eventually recover my innate wisdom. By then, I would think and act the same way past sages would without conscious effort. Conclusion Venerable Jing Kong taught me that Buddhism is not superstition, it is in fact very useful for daily life. The Six Paramitas are a great example, as they can be used towards any job or task we do to cultivate our minds, raise our virtues, increase our productivity, and improve our sense of peace, wellbeing, and happiness. Given all the benefits, how can you apply the Six Paramitas to your life? This article explained the theory behind the Six Paramitas. The next article will showcase real life stories and examples. Weekly Wisdom #248

What is the biggest challenge, obstacle, or problem you face right now? Do you know how to solve it? Most people try to change their circumstances, but that rarely works out. Consider these examples: People have problems with their romantic partner. They decide to change a partner. But they continue to have problems with each successive partner. People have problems in their job. They decide to change jobs. But they still continue to struggle in their new jobs. People are stressed and unhappy. They decide to do something different and make changes to their life. But after a while, they are still stressed and unhappy. We all want to be happy, productive, and thriving human beings, yet most of us are working so hard towards the wrong direction, which leads to more misery. Changing circumstances usually does not work and is a band-aid solution at best; it does not permanently resolve our suffering. So what should we do then? The Buddha said, "Everything arises from the mind." Quantum physics has also proven that our mind manifests our physical reality, which I wrote about in detail here. Therefore, if we change our mind, outer circumstances will naturally change in response. This is called "solving the problem from the root". Specifically, the Buddha teaches us to replace our ordinary (non-enlightened) mind with the Bodhi (enlightened) mind. What is the enlightened mind? Venerable Master Jing Kong explained five traits of the enlightened mind: Sincerity Purity Equality Wisdom Compassion Image Sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 Remember that big problem you thought of earlier? Keep on reading and see how you can apply the enlightened mind to solve it from the root. We will go through the five traits first, then look at some examples to bring theory to life. 1: Sincerity Sincerity means to be single-mindedly dedicated towards something. We do it with all our heart, mind, and soul. We are not distracted by other thoughts. There is a common saying in Buddhism that goes, "The utmost sincerity can breakthrough any obstacle." From this, we can infer that sincerity leads to creative solutions, and it will not change or falter in the face of obstacles. An example is a new mother taking care of an infant who cannot communicate his needs via words. Since the mother is single-mindedly focused on nurturing the infant, her sincerity will help her come up with creative solutions to solve the infant's problems. She will also be determined and will not have a change of heart in the face of obstacles. The opposite of sincerity is insincerity. Shocker, right? OK, let me explain more. An insincere mind does things for show, for external validation. Since they are not sincere about it, when they encounter difficulty, they will easily give up, so they won't achieve a breakthrough solution. 2: Purity A pure mind is tranquil and free from what the Buddha calls "the five poisons". The five poisons are Greed* Anger Stupidity Arrogance Doubt *Note: Greed refers to selfish desires beyond what is necessary. Wanting to have basic living standards is not greed. Wanting to better the world is not greed. Wanting a fancy car to impress others is greed. Image Sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 Our suffering, sadness, and frustration all arise from the five poisons. For example, why do we get sad or angry? Because we want something badly (greed) and cannot obtain it. Why do we have conflict with others? Because we think we are above them (arrogance), but they are not obeying our will (greed), then we say hurtful words (anger). Why do we have conflict with ourselves? Because we act according to our bad habits (stupidity) and don't believe in ourselves (doubt). To give an analogy, our body feels uncomfortable when we have a lot of dirt and sweat on our skin. Similarly, the five poisons will make our mind suffer. Most people try to resolve their suffering and seek happiness by adding things to their lives. They might eat delicious food, watch emotionally riveting movies, buy stuff, or play video games. These lead to temporary emotional stimulation, then an emotional crash. Buddhism teaches us to get rid of the five poisons. What's left? A tranquil, peaceful state of mind. This is aligned with the enlightened mind. The enlightened mind gives us real, long-lasting happiness right here and now. You don't have to change the outside circumstances or wait for the future, you can have your tranquility and happiness now. 3: Equality Equality is about respecting everyone and everything equally. To give an analogy, our eyes, ears, nose, mouth, and tongue are all different, but we respect them all equally. Similarly, everyone in society plays a different but important role. We should respect the janitor as much as the CEO, the restaurant worker as much as the president, the Buddhist as much as the Christian, and so on. The opposite of equality is arrogance and superiority. As soon as one person thinks he is above another and starts treating others with discrimination, conflict arises. When conflict grows, disorder and fear arises. Even if others treat us with discrimination, we need to treat them with equality. Why? Firstly, WE are the ones that want to have enlightened joy. If their mind is poisoned by arrogance, they are suffering; why should we share their poison? Secondly, if we want to help them let go of arrogance, we need to lead by example. When they see our role modeling, eventually, they will learn and understand. 4: Wisdom Note: The original term used by Venerable Master Jing Kong is 正覺, which translates to proper understanding and awareness. For simplicity, I've translated it as wisdom, but the meaning is "having wisdom and keeping wisdom top of mind in our awareness." We all want to be good and help others, but do you know how to do it properly? If we don't have wisdom, then the harder we try, the more miserable we become. I've certainly had this experience, and I see so many people around me with this problem. Wisdom arises from purity of mind. For example, have you noticed that you can more easily solve problems early in the morning, or when taking a shower? Why? Because your mind is fresh and your emotions are peaceful. To give an analogy, a clean mirror can reflect things perfectly, just like how a pure mind can understand things perfectly. The five poisons and other emotions are like dust on the mirror, obscuring our wisdom. Unfortunately, our minds have been tainted by the five poisons probably for as long as we can remember, so it is very hard for our inner wisdom to arise. This is why we need to study ancient philosophies, such as Buddhism, Stoicism, Confucianism, and Daoism. These teachings have passed the test of time, and they all teach us how to be a good person and live a happy and productive life. The founders of these philosophies all had purity of mind, so their teachings are pure wisdom that are applicable no matter where you live on this earth or what year you were born in. In comparison, many best-selling self-help books nowadays become forgotten and outdated after just a decade. After studying these wise teachings, we need to constantly hold them at the top of our awareness. We need to inspect our thoughts and see if they align with wisdom. If yes, then our mind is aligned with the enlightened mind. If no, then we need to correct our thoughts and align them towards wisdom. The opposite of wisdom is to act unconsciously according to our unenlightened habits. For example, if someone ticks us off, our habitual anger might make us seek revenge, and both sides get burned by the fire of anger. If we instead follow the advice of past sages, then we would repay people's bad behavior with stronger good behavior, thereby arising their sense of shame and inspiring them towards virtue. Another example is obtaining a delicious chocolate bar. Our habitual, unenlightened mind might make us want to eat it right away and enjoy it alone. Some people might give some to their romantic partner or their children. But the sages teach us that giving others happiness is true happiness, and we should start with the people that we owe most gratitude to. For most of us, that is our parents. If we treat our romantic partner well but not our parents well, then that goes against proper human sentiment, and it is tainted by greed and selfishness. All in all, wisdom requires us to study and learn, and I recommend The Guide to a Happy Life to start. 5: Compassion Compassion has two parts: giving others joy and removing their suffering. Compassion is sincere love, so it will not change when outer circumstances change. It is pure love, so it is not tainted by greed, selfishness, demands, or control. It is equal love towards all living beings. It is wise love that will give you long-term benefit, not short-term benefit with long-term harm. Venerable Master Jing Kong gives a simple way to practice compassion: "Be considerate of others with your every thought." Gandhi also expressed compassion when he said, "The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." The opposite of compassion is selfishness and self-centeredness. A selfish person only thinks about their desires and doesn't care about other people's feelings. Although most people are not 100% selfish, nor 100% selfless, we ought to ask, do we tip more towards selfishness or selflessness? The more we tip towards selfishness, the more struggles and misery we will have in our mind. For example, if a parent spoils a child out of "love", that child will lack good moral character. In the long-term, that child will become a spoiled brat that causes trouble to everyone around him. No one will like that child, including the parents themselves. But since the parents raised this child, they have to deal with the consequences. This is the negative result of irrational and emotional love. Another example is if a person likes another person for their looks, wealth, status, or any other outer factor. In the future, when these things change, the love is gone. This is called selfish desire (greed), not compassion. Using The Enlightened Mind The enlightened mind has sincerity, purity, equality, wisdom, and compassion. These five traits are intermingled and cannot be separated, just like how you cannot separate the different ingredients of a smoothie after it has been blended. Now that we understand the theory, let's look at a couple examples to bring theory to life. Example 1: Relationships Image Source If you DON'T have a relationship problem with anyone in your life, please contact me. I would love to learn from you. But chances are, most of us have relationship problems because most of us are not able to constantly maintain the enlightened mind, especially when facing emotionally sensitive situations such as an argument with a family member. But that is precisely the root of the problem. Therefore, when we are calm, we need to inspect our mind and re-align it towards the enlightened mind. Sincerity: Am I being sincere here, or am I putting on a show? Am I trying to have a heartfelt and honest conversation, or am I trying to hide some things? Purity: Is my mind tainted by greed, anger, stupidity, arrogance, or doubt? Am I being demanding or controlling towards them? Probably yes. Then replace those poisons with sincere and wise compassion. Equality: Do I view myself as above them? Am I seeking to comfort my own ego at the expense of hurting their feelings? Or do I see us as equally important, like how I value my eyes and ears equally? Wisdom: Am I acting unconsciously according to my bad habits? Or am I consciously filtering my thoughts to align with the teachings of sages, to align with the enlightened mind? Compassion: Am I thinking of their long-term benefit, or am I thinking of my short-term benefit? Am I able to feel their feelings and see their point of view? Or am I lost in my own feelings and point of view? For example, I used to have relationship conflicts with my mom. I always felt like she was too emotional and irrational about things. Therefore, my mind was tainted by arrogance. Moreover, my mother would demand me to read The Guide to a Happy Life, but since I didn't have a good relationship with her, I resisted based on my negative emotions. This is acting unconsciously according to my unenlightened habits (stupidity). Later, I learned to be more compassionate, to feel her feelings and to see things from her perspective. She was trying hard to be a good mother, just like how I was trying hard to be a good son. No one wants to be a villain or to instigate conflict. Moreover, it doesn't matter who is right. Her happiness and my happiness are equally important. Therefore, I don't want to prove myself right at the expense of hurting her feelings. I also followed the wise teachings of The Guide to a Happy Life. Specifically, I stopped arguing and trying to explain myself all the time. Instead, I practiced humility and thanked her for criticizing me. After a while, she stopped criticizing me and started correcting her greed (being demanding towards me). Our whole world runs on relationships, so I cannot emphasize this topic enough. If we could all have happy and harmonious relationships with each other, then we wouldn't have broken families, racial conflict, or wars. International relations, economics, governance, military power, none of these get at the root of world peace. Teaching people to use the enlightened mind reaches the roots. Example 2: Career Image Source A friend recently asked me if I think she should go into the consulting industry. Most people would consider things like money, prestige, and work-life balance. Now we know that those are all related to the poison of greed. I guided her towards using the enlightened mind. I asked her to reflect on many questions: Do YOU want to do this, or are you doing this for external validation? Would you want to be a management consultant purely for the work, even if your pay and prestige are low? If you did not pass the interviews two or three times, would you get annoyed, or would you keep on interviewing at more companies no matter how long it takes? How many people do you have in your mind when making this decision? Is it just your own benefit? Or your family's benefit? Or are you trying to serve society? Serve the world? Would you be sad if you did not get the job? if yes, why are you attached to that job? Why can't you fulfill your mission in a different way, via a different company or path? She reflected that her life mission is to establish an organization that can innovate and solve problems related to sustainable food and education for women. She thought going into the consulting industry might give her more credibility to do that mission in the future. In other words, her mind had the poison of self-doubt. To solve that poison, I told her to find role models who are already doing what she wants to do, and then ask them for advice about whether or not she should go into consulting. She also reflected that there was a bit of ego involved because when her friend suggested that she apply for a small consulting firm rather than a big one, she didn't want to. I told her, "We would never drink a cup of sparking spring water if someone put a tiny piece of poop in it. Similarly, even if our intentions are just slightly tainted, it is still poisonous to the mind." Later, she told me that even though she has an upcoming consulting interview, her mind feels light and at ease. She is not attached to the outcome. If she passes, great. If not, that's also okay. She is simply grateful for this opportunity to learn from intelligent people, and she is having lots of fun in the process. When she indeed did not pass, she was fine with it. She decided to look for other ways to learn the skills that consulting teaches (i.e. taking a course on excel, PowerPoint and presentation skills). She can then allocate the rest of her time towards building her dream company, starting now! Work makes up such a significant part of everyone's lives. If we could all feel happy and fulfilled in our work, imagine how much more of a joyful and prosperous world we would have. The actual work itself is far less important than the mind with which we bring to our work. If we use the enlightened mind, then we will surely be successful and fulfilled in our careers. Conclusion Ordinary people seek happiness and solutions by changing the outside circumstances. Oftentimes, the more they try, the more miserable they become. Buddhism teaches us that outside circumstances will change in accordance to changes in our inner mind. Therefore, the best way to face any situation in life is to use the enlightened mind, which has five aspects: sincerity, purity, equality, wisdom, and compassion. Image Sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 I have personally tried this and can attest to its effectiveness, so I am ever grateful to Venerable Master Jong Kong for his simple yet profound explanation of the enlightened mind. I hope you will try it too. Recall that problem you thought of at the beginning. How can you swap the unenlightened mind and instead use the enlightened mind to solve it?

The previous article introduced The Six Paramitas as six virtues that help us to cultivate our mind. The mind is the root of all our actions; therefore, sharpening the mind will improve our performance on anything and everything we do. Practicing The Six Paramitas will not only increase our productivity, but also improve our happiness, serenity, and success. Icon Sources: Flaticon Here is a quick review of The Six Paramitas: 1: Giving is about letting go of our attachment to self and expanding our hearts. Giving brings us happiness and peace of mind. According to karma, those who give will in return receive. 2: Precepts is about following rules and instructions. It is a form of respect and self-discipline, and we reap the benefits intended by the rule makers. 3: Endurance is about persevering through difficulties and overcoming negative emotions. As the Buddha said, "The success of everything depends on endurance." 4: Diligence is about constant improvement, especially in our virtues, but also in our work. 5: Concentration is about being focused on whatever we are doing. It also means being fixed on the Six Paramitas and never forgetting to practice them in daily life. 6: Wisdom encompasses rationality and clarity of mind to differentiate good from bad, right from wrong, appropriate from inappropriate, and benefit from harm. We all have inner, transcendental wisdom that can flow out if we can get rid of mental afflictions and practice the previous five paramitas. This article will showcase real life stories of how to practice The Six Paramitas. Since Venerable Jing Kong is the person whom I learned The Six Paramitas from, it is only suitable that I share stories of his role modeling. Of course, I also need to walk my talk, so I will share my experience practicing The Six Paramitas as well. Here is a table of contents to help you navigate this article: Venerable Jing Kong's Role Modeling Giving Precepts Endurance Diligence Concentration Wisdom My Practice Giving Precepts Endurance Diligence Concentration Wisdom Conclusion How Venerable Jing Kong Role Models The Six Paramitas Venerable Jing Kong not only preached The Six Paramitas, he also walked the talk. There are many examples and stories in the book The Old Monk's Role Modeling (the book can be found here, but it is in Chinese), and I will share some below. 1. Giving Venerable Jing Kong taught us "Think of others with your every thought", and he really practiced this. Example 1: Walk or Drive? One time, while he was giving a lecture, it started raining heavily outside. Hence, a driver was sent to pick him up. Venerable Jing Kong's lecture went over time, and by the time he exited the building, the rain had stopped. He only needed to walk 10 minutes or so to reach his next destination, so his attendant asked him, "Master, do we walk or take the car?" Venerable Jing Kong looked at the driver in the car, smiled, and said, "Sorry, I made you wait so long. Let's take the car." Icon Sources: Flaticon He really didn't need to take the car, but he didn't want the driver to feel like he waited for no reason, hence he took the car. Example 2: Looking down while walking His kindness is not only for people, but towards all living beings. When walking in nature, Venerable Jing Kong always looks downwards. A student asked him why. He explained that there are a lot of bugs on the ground, and he wants to avoid stepping on them and accidentally hurting or killing them. Example 3: Three Treasures Hospital When Venerable Jing Kong practices giving, he really lets go of "I". One time, the Deputy Prime Minister of Thailand invited Venerable Jing Kong for dinner, so he and some students went. During the dinner, the Deputy Prime Minister had to leave briefly, so his wife was talking to them. She mentioned that she's going to go on TV in a few days to sing. One of Venerable Jing Kong's students felt confused about why the wife of the Deputy Prime Minister would sing on TV and asked the reason. She explained, "There are a lot of monks in the outskirts of Thailand, and it's very difficult for them to access hospital care. Hence, my husband and I want to raise money to build a hospital for them. It's going to be the Prince's 50th birthday soon, so maybe this can be a way to commemorate his birthday. Unfortunately, we're still short on funds, so I'm singing on TV to raise money." Venerable Jing Kong replied, "Building a hospital is a great act of kindness. It is a pity that you're lacking money. How much money do you lack?" She wasn't sure, so she got the person in charge of the project to come and explain the situation. That person said they are lacking about two million American dollars. Venerable Jing Kong said, "This is such an important project. How about I chip in the final two million?" His student was shocked and quietly said to him, "Master, it's American dollars, not Thai Baht." Icon Sources: Flaticon In other words, Venerable Jing Kong didn't hesitate to give to an important cause. But we don't need to worry, Venerable Jing Kong is not an irresponsible or rash person. He has lots of connections to wealthy people who would love to donate to a good cause. Within four days, he amassed two million American dollars and donated it towards the hospital. Afterwards, he never asked about it again. Many years later, the hospital was completed, and they invited Venerable Jing Kong to attend the opening ceremony. Venerable Jing Kong had to take a military plane from Bangkok over to the hospital because it was in such a remote area. In fact, the hospital would serve not just Thailand's monks, but also monks from bordering countries. Later, Venerable Jing Kong returned to his usual residence and told a student, "Not good, not good. They called the hospital 'Jing Kong Hospital'. They shouldn't name the hospital after a person. Please tell them to change it. I suggest calling it 'Three Treasures Hospital.'" (Note: Buddhism has something called "The Three Treasures", which are the Buddha, the Dharma, and the Sangha. Respectively, they symbolize enlightenment, proper teachings, and purity of mind.) Icon Sources: Flaticon From this story, we can see that Venerable Jing Kong not only does not hesitate to give to an important cause, but he doesn't attach to "I" when giving. After he donated the money, he let go of the whole thing. He didn't keep thinking about how great he is or have any demands towards the project. When he found out they named the hospital after him, he didn't even want the name. He wanted people to be grateful to Buddhism, not to him, so he urged them to change the name. This is a great example of letting go of "I" through the paramita of giving. 2. Precepts Venerable Jing Kong often quotes this line from the Brahmajala Sutra: "Don't be a country's thief. Don't slander the country's leaders. Don't evade the country's taxes. Don't break the country's laws." Icon Sources: Flaticon Example 1: Public Events One time, he heard that a group of people wanted to host a Buddhist event where a lot of Buddhists walk around the city wall. When he heard this, he told them to not do it because it's against government law to host religious events in the public. Buddhists should be role models for society, and that means being law-abiding citizens. Example 2: Airplane Ride Even in small matters, Venerable Jing Kong is very conscientious about following rules and order. His book shelf and table are always extremely neat and tidy despite having so many books. When flying on an airplane, most people will unbuckle their seatbelts as soon as the plane slows down, even though the seatbelt sign is still on. Venerable Jing Kong will wait until the seatbelt sign is off before unbuckling his seatbelt. Example 3: Yielding to the Government Another time, Venerable Jing Kong went to the United Nations Peace Conference to share his ideals on how the virtuous education of traditional Chinese culture can bring world peace. The leaders there basically said, "Your ideals are great but not doable." Icon Sources: Flaticon He was shocked and realized that the biggest crisis right now is a lack of faith in virtuous teachings. Hence, he partnered with the government in his hometown, Lujiang, to set up a traditional Chinese culture education center to teach all the city's citizens about morality and virtues. Within a few months, the city's divorce rate and crime rate dropped significantly. After a year or so, the only people who still got divorced were the people who traveled outside of the city for work, meaning they didn't attend the classes held by the education center. The United Nations sent many leaders from various countries to come and audit this city, and everyone was thoroughly impressed. All of the education centers' staff members felt extremely proud and happy of their great accomplishment. But within a few years, the government of Lujiang asked them to shut down the center. Everyone was shocked and disheartened. They didn't understand why the government would shut down such a great thing. Was it because it was attracting too much attention? No one knew. But Venerable Jing Kong said, "This great deed is not the merit of me, you, or any of us. It is the merit of the Buddhas and our ancestors. Now, the government has ordered us to shut it down. We don't fight the government." Icon Sources: Flaticon From this story, we can see how respectful Venerable Jing Kong is towards rules and order, and the foundation for his second paramita of precepts is in letting go of "I". Although he did such an amazing deed for the United Nations, he didn't attach to it. He was able to let it go when the government ordered for it to shut down. 3: Endurance Venerable Jing Kong's endurance is one of the main traits that everyone admires him for. He never gets angry or upset, even at what would be unbearable for most people. Example 1: Unreasonable demands His benefactor, Mrs. Han, has a very bad temper. But she is the person who provided him with monetary support; otherwise, he'd have no place to stay and no place to lecture on Buddhism. Hence, he only thinks of her gratitude and never complains about her. Mrs. Han often picked on him purposefully, perhaps because she wanted to test Venerable Jing Kong's endurance. She would buy him clothing that didn't fit or ask him to do seemingly unreasonable things. Venerable Jing Kong always complied and said, "Yes." His student commented that Venerable Jing Kong seemed to have an undisturbable calmness. Example 2: Rude Anger One time, he was lecturing, when suddenly, Mrs. Han stormed in, pointed at him, and shouted, "You come down here!" He calmly came down from stage and listened to Ms. Han rant about how his student disrespected her. The thing is, Venerable Jing Kong didn't get to choose his students. These students are all people that Mrs. Han forced him to accept. Despite this, he bowed and said to Mrs. Han, "Sorry, I didn't teach my student well." Icon Sources: Flaticon Mrs. Han didn't have anything left to say. Then he calmly returned to stage and continued lecturing as if nothing had happened. Example 3: Wrongful Slander Before Venerable Jing Kong's teacher passed away, he gave him a book called The Infinite Life Sutra, but it was a new compilation of an old Buddhist text. He received a lot of criticism from around the whole world for promoting this book. Most of these criticisms had logical flaws, but Venerable Jing Kong endured the unfair criticism for years. At the peak of the criticism, people were saying "Bring down Venerable Jing Kong!", to which he replied, "It's OK to bring down Venerable Jing Kong. Just don't bring down the newly compiled Infinite Life Sutra." He also said, "If these people truly understood, they wouldn't oppose the book. It's because my virtues aren't good enough, so they actually are opposing me, not the book." He even said, "I trust my teacher. Even if the whole world goes against this book, I will promote it until my death. I'd rather set an example of being respectful to my teacher than to go against my teacher's teachings just because others criticize me." In 2013, a book came out that proved this new compilation of The Infinite Life Sutra is correct and proper, and everyone came to greatly admire and respect Venerable Jing Kong for enduring all those years of unfair criticism without the slightest anger or upset. Because Venerable Jing Kong endured so many years of unfair criticism, his prestige and influence soared after being proven correct. 4: Diligence Example 1: Work One of Venerable Jing Kong's teachers told him to learn from Shakyamuni Buddha, and he learned that the Buddha was a selfless educator who taught class every single day of the year for 40 years. Venerable Jing Kong followed this role modeling, and he himself taught class every single day of the year for over 60 years. Talk about diligence! Few in Buddhism history has done such a feat, and who knows if anyone in the future will be able to. Example 2: Long-Distance Travel In his later years, he often flew around the world to give talks. Sometimes, the plane ride would be over twenty hours. If you factor in travel time to and from the airport, the whole trip would be well over thirty hours. During these trips, most people would be sleeping or watching movies. However, Venerable Jing Kong would be diligently studying. One time, he listened to a 7-hour audiobook three times while on a trip to another country. He doesn't waste a single minute of his life. 5: Concentration Example 1: Lecturing Anyone who has watched Venerable Jing Kong's lectures knows that he is very stable and calm when speaking. He often has noticeable pauses in his speech, and one reason is to help the listener calm down and absorb what he had just said. He never rushes, stutters, or says filler words like "um" when talking. He is clearly very concentrated and calm when speaking, and that energy can help his listeners calm down and concentrate. Example 2: Every Movement Outside of class, Venerable Jing Kong's every movement is also extremely calm and serene. He never rushes or accidently hurts himself because his mind is always stable. When a sudden situation arises, his students get nervous and spring into action. Venerable Jing Kong then tells them, "Slow down. Slow down." Example 3: Influencing Others' Energy One time, he and ten of his students were waiting for Mrs. Han. They were on the fourth floor, and Mrs. Han was on an upper floor talking to the owner of the building about matters related to their residence. It was lunch time, and his students were hungry. But his students saw him waiting there calmly and silently, so they didn't dare to say anything. They just waited there with him. Slowly, they calmed down, and their hunger faded. After an hour and a half, Mrs. Han finally came down, and they had lunch. Venerable Jing Kong's strong concentration was able to influence his students to calm down and no longer feel hungry. 6: Wisdom As mentioned before, our inner wisdom arises from a pure and concentrated mind. This wisdom does not require us to analyze or think. It flows out naturally. One of Venerable Jing Kong's students said that Venerable Jing Kong's mind is like a drum. When you strike a drum lightly (ask a small question), you get a small response. When you strike the drum strongly (ask a big question), you get a big response. When you don't strike the drum (don't ask a question), the drum is silent (his mind is empty and pure). He's never seen Venerable Jing Kong say, "Oh that's a good question. Let me think about it…" Venerable Jing Kong is always able to answer promptly and with wisdom. Example 1: World Peace The people at the United Nations asked Venerable Jing Kong for advice regarding world peace. They were trying to tackle this problem from the angles of government, economics, technology, and military. But Venerable Jing Kong said, "When our body gets sick, we need to cure the cause of the illness, not just treat the symptoms. The root of world peace is in the family." All of them were surprised and confused. How is family interactions related to world peace? Venerable Jing Kong explained, "A family to the society is like a cell to the body. If the cells get sick, the body will get sick. If people cannot get along harmoniously with their family, who are supposed to be the closest people to them, who have the greatest gratitude to them, then how can they get along with others when they go into society? If they have lots of conflict in their family interactions, then naturally they will have conflict with others outside the family." Icon Sources: Flaticon The United Nations leaders nodded in agreement. Then Venerable Jing Kong said, "But we can go deeper here. Why can't people get along with their family members? Because the world has neglected teaching morality and virtues, so people have become selfish." This is just one example of Venerable Jing Kong's wisdom. While most people are trying to achieve world peace via government, economics, technology, or military, he saw that these only addressed the symptoms of the problem. The root of the problem lies in teaching people about morality and virtues so that people would be less selfish and more loving towards others. In the past, religious teachings were about morality and virtues. Now, they've become more about praying and superstition, which is a shame, and hence why Venerable Jing Kong is urging all religions to go back to morality education. Example 2: Connecting The Dots Within and Outside of Buddhism Within the various schools of Buddhism, there is sometimes conflict and misunderstandings, but Venerable Jing Kong is always able to connect the dots between different schools and show that there is in fact no conflict or contradiction. Venerable Jing Kong also united all the religions in Singapore and Toowoomba, and a big factor to his success was his ability to connect the dots. To paraphrase his words: "All the religions are the same at their core, which is love. We all believe our religion's creator is almighty, right? Well, in the past, transportation was not advanced. People lived their whole lives in a small village and never heard of other villages or countries. Every little group of human civilization had their own cultures. In order to help different civilizations, our almighty God had to manifest different forms to appeal to different cultures. In reality, all the religious creators are one entity, and all the religions are one family. To give an analogy, we can imagine a hand. The core of all religions is the palm of the hand. From the palm springs out different forms and manifestations, which are the fingers. But the fingers and the palm are all one entity! If we are all one entity, why would we fight? If the right hand fought with the left hand, we'd think that person is crazy. We are all one entity, one family, so naturally we should mutually respect each other and get along harmoniously." Venerable Jing Kong is also able to link Buddhism to the newest quantum physics reports even though he is not a quantum physicist. When he heard that quantum physicists kept splitting matter smaller and smaller, from atoms to electrons, to quark, to neutrinos, until finally there was nothing, he said that the Buddha knew this 2500 years ago. He connected the dots between the terminology used by quantum physicists to the terminology used by the Buddha. All in all, Venerable Jing Kong's wisdom is not just an accumulation of knowledge. It is truly inner wisdom that flows out from a deeply concentrated and pure mind. How I Practice The Six Paramitas It's not enough for me to simply admire Venerable Jing Kong's practice of the Six Paramitas. I also need to practice it myself! Obviously, Venerable Jing Kong is at level 9000, and I'm probably at level 9. But I'm working on it! 1. Giving I've been practicing Venerable Jing Kong's teaching: "Think of others with your every thought." In fact, I recently started to journal on it every day. I've come to realize that there are so many opportunities to practice this in a day. These are just some examples I recorded: When cooking, I think of what my mom likes to eat. Even though I like my veggies to be crunchy, she likes them soft, so make it soft for her. When working, sometimes my mom will interrupt me. Before, I would be annoyed. But now I remind myself to let go of "I" and listen to her attentively. I'm less annoyed, and she's happy. Win-win. When my mom took my book without letting me know, instead of being annoyed, I told myself, "It's OK, our stuff is shared. It's good that she wants to read that book. I'll ask her about it later." When my mom asks me to do chores even though I didn't plan to that day, I tell myself to let go of "I" and help out full-heartedly. After all, without my mom, I wouldn't have this great house to live in. I would feel a little bit uneasy if she did all the chores while I kept doing computer work. When having meetings with other teachers, I remember to give them more encouragement and praise as opposed to just advice for improvement. Their smiles bring me smiles. When attending class, I try to dress respectfully to set a good example for others as opposed to only wanting myself to feel comfortable. When talking to people, I try to lighten my expression and give them a smile. I don't always remember, but I'm working on it! 2. Precepts I've always been pretty conscientious about following rules. I'm the type of person who looks at assignment instructions very carefully and follows every single step by the word. I'm also very careful about time, and I always make sure to arrive a few minutes early. When driving, I make sure to follow the speed limit and not care if others are speeding. When on a plane, I learned from Venerable Jing Kong to not undo my seatbelt until after the seatbelt sign switches off. 3. Endurance This is the paramita that I probably struggle with the most. I easily get upset at misunderstandings and annoyed towards other people's unreasonable or rude behavior. It's no wonder why I have so many blog posts about this paramita, such as: My 21-Day No Complaint Challenge Fortune Favors The Humble How to Not Get Upset at Misunderstandings and Criticisms Dealing with Rudeness The Success of Everything Depends on Endurance The Obstacle is The Way In brief, the paramita of giving and letting go of "I" really helps with endurance. Annoyance and anger come from an attachment to "I". If we can focus on understanding the other person and on helping the other person, our negative emotions will naturally diminish. In my experience, letting go of "I" might be a big jump, so a good stepping stone is to practice humility, which is viewing others as more important than myself and above myself. If we got in line at the same time as the leader of our country, we would naturally yield to him or her. Similarly, we can practice humility by viewing all others as more important than me, thus we put their needs above mine, which helps us to dampen the attachment to "I". We can also remember that everyone is trying their best to do what they think is right. No one is trying to be wrong or stupid. Therefore, I shouldn't be so quick to judge others or be upset at them. Moreover, I need to be strict with myself and lenient towards others because I am the one trying to cultivate my virtues, not them. If I use my mind correctly, then my cultivation will rise. If I use my mind incorrectly, then my negative emotions will rise. Focus on cultivating myself rather than demanding others to be different. 4. Diligence Ever since I started learning ancient wisdom a few years ago, I've basically spent all my free time learning it. To me, it is extremely gratifying and enjoyable, so I naturally am diligent in my studies and cultivation. I've been keeping a cultivation journal for nearly two years now, and I've never missed a single day. In my cultivation journal, I write about virtues that I cultivated and want to grow, as well as faults I committed and how to prevent it in the future. Sometimes at night, I'm very tired, and I lie down only to realize I forgot to do my journal entry. Then I get up, do it, and then go back to bed. Although I don't lecture every day like Venerable Jing Kong, I write a blog post every week. Doing this has really helped me advance in my studies and cultivation. I know that true diligence is not simply writing in my cultivation journal every day or posting a blog post every week, it's about actually correcting bad habits and improving relationships with others. I can confidently say that I've had improvement on both fronts, and I've reported a lot of my progress on my blog. However, the deeper we dig into our faults, the more we realize there's still a lot more work to do. Thus, the cultivation continues! 5. Concentration Ever since I was a student in school, I've been able to sit down and study for hours without getting up. Of course, it's important to take short breaks once in a while, otherwise it's bad for our eyes. But when I get really into something, I can really focus and even get into flow state sometimes. In my experience, this ability came from years and years of practice. I cared a lot about my grades because my family is not well-off, and I wanted to attend a good university to get a good job and support my family. This intention of giving helped me to endure and concentrate on my studies. Nowadays, I write, and I am able to write for hours because of my previous years practicing concentration as a student. In terms of meditative concentration, I am still quite weak. When I try to meditate, I have a ton of wandering thoughts. But I do find that after half an hour of meditating, my mind becomes calmer. I've also tried meditating for a whole day or even for three days. Again, I have tons of wandering thoughts, but I'm working on it. 6. Wisdom Obviously, I don't have any inner wisdom flowing out like the Buddha or Venerable Jing Kong. The best I can do right now is to follow the wise teachings left behind by the ancient sages. I've compiled some principles for making wise decisions here. The one teaching I use the most is this one from Liao Fan's Four Lessons: "Do not just consider the present action, but also consider its side effects. Do not just consider immediate effects, but also consider the long-term effects. Do not just consider the effects on one person, but also consider the effects on the greater whole." I gave many examples above in the previous article, so I won't give anymore here. The other way I practice wisdom is to calm down before making decisions or replying other people's messages. I can feel when my mind is agitated or annoyed or opposing the other person. When this happens, I stop myself from making a decision or replying a message. I might go do something else for a while or meditate. Once my mind has calmed down, I return to the matter and approach it with more detachment and logic. Conclusion I feel very fortunate to not only receive the wonderful teachings of The Six Paramitas from Venerable Jing Kong, but also to read stories of his real-life role modeling, which really adds color and substance to the theory. I'm still a beginner in all of this, but I can feel that The Six Paramitas will be useful for my whole life, and they are worthy of a lifetime's effort. How might you practice The Six Paramitas in your life? Weekly Wisdom #251

The Daily Stoic is a book with 366 quotes from Stoic philosophers on how to live a good life. I had previously read this a couple years ago and benefited a lot from it, and I've decided to read it again this year. Every day, I read the quote, the explanation, and then journal my thoughts and reflections. At the end of each month, I review my reflections and summarize the month. The theme for May is "right action", and this article will summarize my May reflections: What makes a true philosopher The work of a philosopher Methods for habit change Philosophical joy Seize the present Image Source: GPT 1: What Makes A True Philosopher A lot of people think of philosophy as a mental activity that involves a lot of thinking and pondering. While that's certainly a part of philosophy, it's not the full picture. What's the purpose of all that thinking and pondering? May 1: "The monk dresses in his robes. A priest puts on his collar. A banker wears an expensive suit and carries a briefcase. A Stoic has no uniform and resembles no stereotype. They are not identifiable by look or by sight or by sound. The only way to recognize them? By their character." —Ryan Holiday The purpose of learning philosophy is to improve our moral character, which will then result in having better relationships, which then results in happiness and benefit for ourselves and others. If someone "learns" philosophy but does not improve their virtues, relationships, or happiness, then they're learning it wrong. May 10: "Reflect then, that your ancestors set up those trophies, not that you may gaze at them in wonder, but that you may also imitate the virtues of the men who set them up." —Seneca When we learn from past philosophers and heroes, we don't just admire them for their great character and accomplishments. We try to emulate them. That is truly learning and practicing philosophy. Icon Source May 17: "Show me someone sick and happy, in danger and happy, dying and happy, exiled and happy, disgraced and happy. Show me! By God, how much I'd like to see a Stoic. But since you can't show me someone that perfectly formed, at least show me someone actively forming themselves so, inclined in this way… Show me!" —Epictetus Philosophy is inner work. It is about cultivating our own mind and actions. It is not about trying to change the outside world or other people. If we blame our feelings on external factors outside our control, then we are not true Stoics. Epictetus lamented that it's rare to find a true Stoic. After all, it's no easy feat, but we can all work towards this ideal, and in the process, we will reap the sweet fruits of such cultivation: happiness, freedom, tranquility, strength. This also reminds me of a quote by Confucius in the Optimality Principle: "Exemplary people act in accordance with their position and do not seek beyond. In a position of wealth and prestige, they act accordingly. In a position of poverty and low rank, they act accordingly. When among the barbarian tribes, they act accordingly. In a position of difficulty, they act accordingly. Exemplary people have no situation in which they enter and cannot be contented." (Original text: 君子素其位而行，不愿乎其外。素富貴，行乎富貴；素貧賤，行乎貧賤；素夷狄，行乎夷狄；素患難，行乎患難：君子無入而不自得焉。) My Practice I have been doing daily self-reflection for many years now, and I do feel that my virtues, relationships, and happiness have improved as a result. I learn the teachings of ancient philosophers every day, and when I encounter matters in daily life, I will ask myself, "If Marcus Aurelius or Seneca were in my situation, how would they think? What would they do?" This is emulating the past Stoic sages. While I still get influenced by external circumstances and other people, I am working on being more of a true Stoic, being happy and at ease regardless of external factors. I still have a long way to go, but at least I am actively working on it. 2: The Work Of A Philosopher If character is what makes a philosopher, then how does one go about working on their character? This month had many quotes that give us directions on cultivation. May 2: "First tell yourself what kind of person you want to be, then do what you have to do." —Epictetus In other words, we should envision what kind of person we want to be, which virtues we want to embody, and then connect our daily actions to that goal. If we don't even have an end in mind, then there's no way we'll make progress. I heard similar advice before: Imagine it's your funeral. What would you want people to say about you? Is what you're doing now aligned with that? Begin with the end in mind, then figure out the path to get there. May 3: "Those who receive the bare theories immediately want to spew them, as an upset stomach does its food. First digest your theories and you won't throw them up. Otherwise they will be raw, spoiled, and not nourishing. After you've digested them, show us the changes in your reasoned choices, just like the shoulders of gymnasts display their diet and training, and as the craft of artisans show in what they've learned." —Epictetus May 19: "One of the hallmarks of the martial arts, military training, and athletic training of almost any kind is the hours upon hours of monotonous practice…Simply knowing isn't enough. It must be absorbed into the muscles and the body. It must become part of us. Or we risk losing it the second that we experience stress or difficulty." —Ryan Holiday How might someone learn philosophy incorrectly? They view it as merely knowledge to memorize, talk about, or measure others. They don't contemplate how these teachings apply to their own lives and how they should use these teachings. They haven't digested the teachings. If they have truly digested the teachings, then they would change their way of thinking and actions. This quote reminds me of another quote about learning by Confucius in the Optimality Principle: "Learn deeply and broadly, inquire thoroughly, think carefully, discern clearly, and practice earnestly." (Original text: 博學之 審問之 慎思之 明辨之 篤行之。) But even knowing what's right often isn't enough to change our bad habits. For example, we might know it's wrong and unhelpful to be angry, lazy, indulgent, etc. But can we truly control ourselves in the moment? This is the mental training of philosophers, we ought to view it the same way as professional athletes view their sport or professional artists view their craft. It reminds me of a Chinese idiom: "Raise an army for a thousand days to use on one day." (Original text: 養兵千日，用兵一時) We train our mind every day, and through these accumulated small events, we slowly improve our mental cultivation. One day, when a major event happens, we can keep our calm and act rationally, thereby preventing disaster and instead creating fortune. May 21: "But what is philosophy? Doesn't it simply mean preparing ourselves for what may come? Don't you understand that really amounts to saying that if I would so prepare myself to endure, then let anything happen that will? Otherwise, it would be like the boxer exiting the ring because he took some punches. Actually, you can leave the boxing ring without consequence, but what advantage would come from abandoning the pursuit of wisdom? So what should each of us say to every trial we face? This is what I've trained for, for this is my discipline!" —Epictetus Normal people dislike difficulties. If life throws them difficulties, they want to exit the boxing ring. Philosophers view overcoming difficulty as their sport. Why? Because they think about long-term benefit, not just short-term convenience. Sure, if we can somehow avoid the difficulty temporarily, we might be fine in the short-term, but what about in the long-term? The difficulty will most likely come back and keep chasing us until we can overcome it. If you have a personality weakness, it'll hinder you over and over again. If you have a bad relationship with someone close to you, it'll bother you until you resolve it. Thus, philosophers face challenges head-on, ready to learn, struggle, and improve their wisdom and character throughout the process. My Practice I have a list of virtues that I reflect on every day, each with concrete examples of actions to do. For example, one virtue is kindness, and one action is to greet others with a smile. Another virtue is patience, and one action is to patiently give my attention to those who interrupt me. Another virtue is etiquette, and an action is to maintain good posture. Reflecting on these matters every day helps me to slowly become my ideal self. I record the same actions and matters every day because it is the training I need to do to keep my mind fit. If I encounter a big matter one day, I rely on all my past training and accumulation to remain calm and rational. Although I might not like all the difficulties that life throws at me, I also know that difficulties are inevitable in life. Given this fact, complaining doesn't help. It's much better if I can choose a good attitude to face them. The attitude of the Stoics is to view these difficulties as sparring partners who are here to help us improve our ability. 3: Methods for Habit Change Ultimately, cultivation is changing our habits at the level of thought, speech, and action, with thought being the root. The tips that the Stoics gave (un)surprisingly match with modern habit research. May 13: "Every habit and capability is confirmed and grows in its corresponding actions, walking by walking, and running by running…therefore, if you want to do something, make a habit of it; if you don't want to do that, don't, but make a habit of something else instead. The same principle is at work in our state of mind. When you get angry, you've not only experienced that evil, but you've also reinforced a habit, adding fuel to the fire." —Epictetus Modern habit research also advises that if we want to stop a bad habit, it's easier to replace it with another habit than to just stop that bad habit. For example, if we want to stop eating junk food whenever we're bored, it's easier to replace that junk food with healthier snacks than to just force yourself to not eat the junk food. The same is true with changing our habitual thoughts. It's very hard to suppress a bad thought. We know that bad thoughts will arise, but cultivation lies in changing our thoughts. As Liao Fan's Four Lessons says, "When proper thoughts arise, improper thoughts will naturally be unable to pollute the mind." The stronger our cultivation "muscle", the more sensitive we are to changes in our emotional state, and the faster we can change improper thoughts into proper thoughts. For example, we might notice that we are starting to feel a little upset and annoyed at somebody, and then we immediately change our thoughts from "How dare they do that." to "How others treat me is my past karma. How I treat others is my cultivation and my future karma." May 16: "If you don't wish to be a hot-head, don't feed your habit. Try as a first step to remain calm and count the days you haven't been angry. I used to be angry every day, now every other day, then every third or fourth… If you make it as far as 30 days, thank God! When you can say 'I didn't lose my temper today, or the next day, or for three or four months, but kept my cool under provocation,' you will know you are in better health." —Epictetus Modern habit research also advocates the idea of keeping a streak. Once we get a streak going, we really don't want to break that streak. When we hit certain milestones, like one week, one month, three months, one year, multiple years, it feels very gratifying. My Practice One of my reflection items each day is changing negative thoughts into positive ones. There's always a positive side to everything; I just have to find it. This matches the Stoic motto of "the obstacle is the way". I also have many streaks going, such as for my daily reflection journal, weekly blog, and Duolingo. The streaks are most beneficial at the beginning to help set up the habit. Once it becomes habitual, I don't intentionally keep count anymore. I've also done short-term challenges such as the 21-day no complaint challenge and 90-day selflessness challenge. These are also great kickstarts to establishing new habits. Modern habit research provides many other useful tips, which I wrote about in detail in this article. To briefly summarize: Make the habit super convenient Have a memorable cue or trigger to remind you to do it Pair the new habit onto an existing habit Get accountability Use if-then rules for changing habits By using these different tactics, I've successfully set up some good habits and changed some bad ones. 4: Philosophical Joy A lot of people seek joy from external stimulation, such as food, shopping, entertainment, games, social media, praise, etc. These are all fleeting pleasures that can create craving, which is a form of suffering. The Stoics aren't averse to these things, but they don't crave them. Their joy comes from an inner source that is within their control. May 7: "Here is how to guarantee you have a good day: do good things. Any other source of joy is outside of your control or is non-renewable. But this one is all you, all the time, and unending." —Ryan Holiday There is a lot of scientific research that shows that the human brain is wired for helping others, and that we feel good when we help others. Thus, if we want a long-lasting deep feeling of joy that does not result in craving later, we should try to help others more in our daily lives. It could be as simple as greeting others with a smile, holding the door open for someone, giving encouragement and praise, sharing a joke, or lending a helping hand. These small gestures are all free and within our control, and they bring happiness to ourselves and others. May 14: "We should take pleasure from our actions—in taking the right actions—rather than the results that come from them." —Ryan Holiday Cultivation is at the level of the mind. We should always harbor good intentions and consider carefully before making decisions. If we've done our best to have proper intentions, but then our actions don't reap good results, we shouldn't feel bad or think that we are wrong. We should affirm ourselves for using our mind properly. For example, let's say the weather says there's a 40% chance of raining today. I decide to put an umbrella in my backpack, which makes my backpack heavier on my walk to work. Later, it doesn't even rain. Should I get upset? No! I should affirm myself for cultivating the virtue of carefulness. To give another example, if I see someone else do something bad, and I try to advise them, but they got annoyed at me, should I feel upset? Well, it depends on if I used my mind correctly. I should first hone my intentions so that I advise them out of kindness. I don't want them to suffer in the future because of their shortcoming, and that's why I will try to advise them. I am not complaining or criticizing. Moreover, I will try my best to advise them at a suitable time in a polite manner. If I didn't do my role well, then I should blame myself and make sure I do better next time. If I did do my role correctly all along the way and they still got upset at me, then there's nothing more I can ask of myself, and I have a clear conscience. To give one more example, let's say I got angry at someone and scolded them very harshly. Later, that person improved. Should I be happy with myself? No! I lost control of my temper. That's failure at my own cultivation. The other person improving despite my angry outburst is a result of their own virtuous roots. If it was someone else, they might resent me and try to get even with me. Thus, we judge ourselves on using our mind correctly and taking the right actions, not on the results. May 25: “Joy for human beings lies in proper human work. And proper human work consists in: acts of kindness to other human beings, disdain for the stirring of the senses, identifying trustworthy impressions, and contemplating the natural order and all that happens in keeping with it.” —Marcus Aurelius Proper human work is fulfilling our moral duties in our relationships, whether as children, siblings, parents, leaders, followers, or citizens. As children, we should take good care of our parents and siblings. As parents, we raise and educate our children to be good, capable people who will contribute to society. As leaders, we take care of our followers, and as followers, we help our leaders succeed. As citizens, we contribute our part to the society through whatever ability and skill we specialize in. By fulfilling our moral duties, we will have the joy of a clear conscience and the joy of good relationships. Stirring the senses is seeking external stimulation. Such things create a short-term high followed by a low, and in that low state, we crave more stimulation. It is a recipe for craving and suffering. Identifying trustworthy impressions and contemplating the natural order of things is cultivating our wisdom and judgment. A lot of times, our first impression or thoughts are incorrect and do not align with the truth. For example, we habitually think other people or the outside world is the cause of our negative emotions. Cultivation is promptly noticing that incorrect thought and changing it to a correct thought. When we get better at this, our mind will be more peaceful and joyful. In summary, philosophers experience the joy of a clear conscience, the joy of self-improvement, and the joy of happy relationships. Icon Sources: 1, 2, 3 May 26: “I’m constantly amazed by how easily we love ourselves above all others, yet we put more stock in the opinions of others than in our own estimation of self… How much credence we give to the opinions our peers have of us and how little to our very own!” —Marcus Aurelius There are a few things that really kill happiness. One is caring too much about what others think. Another is focusing on what we don't have instead of being grateful for all that we do have. Another is relationship conflicts. Here, Marcus Aurelius is talking about caring too much about what others think. We all have ego, so we all care about what others think. This isn't wrong per se, but it needs to be balanced with wisdom. We should care about what others think because we want to be kind to them. But we shouldn't base our self-worth on what others think, especially if their thinking is incorrect or problematic. We can care about what wise people would think, such as the Stoic philosophers, because they would want what's best for us. If Marcus Aurelius or Seneca would approve of our thoughts, speech, and actions, then we can take pleasure in that. This requires us to study the teachings of wise philosophers and frequently self-reflect. We should also base our self-esteem on being morally right; in this way, we have a clear conscience. For example, if my peers want me to do something that I feel is inappropriate or not aligned with my values, then I can say no. I'd rather be rejected by people who aren't aligned with my values than seek approval from everyone. (The prerequisite is that we are actually clear on our values.) Image Source: GPT Sometimes, we might do something that people cannot understand in the moment, but later on, they'll understand. For example, if a kid is spoiled and we start treating them strictly to teach them that certain behaviors are not acceptable, and then the kid starts shouting and crying, will we start doubting ourselves? Or perhaps we make a decision knowing that there are pros and cons, and later people start criticizing us because of the cons; do we feel the urge to argue with them and convince them that we are right? Ultimately, if we truly have confidence in our good intentions and judgment, then we wouldn't doubt ourselves when others don't understand, and we wouldn't feel the need to force others to approve of us or to understand us. People often don't even understand themselves, how could they possibly understand us? The most important thing is that we understand ourselves, that we approve of ourselves, that we have a clear conscience. As Confucius said, "To not be understood by others yet not be upset, is this not the mark of an exemplary person?" (Original text: 人不知而不慍不亦君子乎 ) My Practice Over the past few years of cultivation, I've felt the joy of self-improvement, improved relationships, and a clear conscience, and these joys keep me motivated to continue my learning and cultivation. Not caring so much about what others think is something I've worked a lot on. I'm much better at it now. I care more about what I think and what the wise philosophers think. When I get unfairly criticized or misunderstood, I still get upset, but I'm better than before. The cultivation journey continues! 4: Seize The Present When it comes to taking action, we have to be timely. We must not delay what should be done today. May 9: "Let us therefore set out whole-heartedly, leaving aside our many distractions and exert ourselves in this single purpose, before we realize too the swift and unstoppable flight of time and are left behind. As each day arises, welcome it as the very best day of all, and make it your own possession. We must seize what flees." —Seneca May 25: “I don’t complain about the lack of time…what little I have will go far enough. Today—this day—will achieve what no tomorrow will fail to speak about. I will lay siege to the gods and shake up the world.” —Seneca Time is our most precious resource. We're all given 24 hours a day, and the way we spend it differentiates us from everyone else. Philosophers live with a clear purpose and big aspirations. As a result, they will seize each day and make good use of their time. If we still idle around and waste our most precious resource, then either we need to find a purpose that inspires us, or learn better ways to manage our time. My Practice I am clear on my bigger purpose in life, which is to promote timeless wisdom and help everyone live happier lives. Thus, most of my free time is spent towards this aspiration. With this one aspiration, there are so many things I could do. My weekly blog is just one of them. I still have so much to learn and write about. I often feel like I don't have enough time to do everything I want to do, let alone idle around. One of the items I reflect on every day is proper prioritization. Given that I don't have enough time to do everything I'd like, did I at least do things in proper sequence of importance? I also keep a daily time log that records all the things I did and how long each thing took. When I do my self-reflection in the evening, I'll go through everything that I did that day and judge if I did things in proper order and spent an appropriate amount of time on each thing. This practice also helped me get a better sense of how long certain things actually take, which helps me to plan my time better. Conclusion May was all about right action. Philosophy isn't just an intellectual learning, it requires action, practice, and training. Philosophy is akin to sport; we might intellectually know how to do the moves, but it takes training to actually master the moves. We might intellectually know how to stay serene, but it takes training to actually maintain serenity in the face of triggering situations. Image Source: GPT Athletes create a great body. Craftsmen create great crafts. Philosophers create a great mind. The result of philosophical training is inner joy that comes from self-improvement, good relationships, and a clear conscience. The training may be tough, but the rewards are well worth it! Weekly Wisdom #396

This past year, the war in Iran broke out, and we saw prices of gas and daily goods increase suddenly as a result. But these are small inconveniences compared to those living near the battlefield. For them, tomorrow isn't even guaranteed. Surely, nobody likes living in a turbulent society, but what can we do about it? After all, we're just one person. Can we really do anything? The Root of a Peaceful Society I learned an insightful answer from Venerable Master Jing Kong. Many experts at a world peace conference asked him how to solve the problem of world peace. He replied that the root of the problem is not in diplomacy, military, economics, science, etc. Rather, the root of the problem lies in the family. Families are like the cells of society. If the cells are unhealthy, the whole body will get ill. Image Source: GPT There is so much conflict and turmoil in society because families have a lot of conflict. As a result, kids grow up in a conflict-ridden environment. Kids naturally learn what they see, so they learn how to have conflict with others rather than how to harmonize with others. Conflicts escalate into fights, and fights escalate into wars. Areas with higher divorce rates also tend to have higher crime rates. But ultimately, it's not that people don't want to have harmony, it's that they never saw good role modeling growing up, so they don't know how to have harmony. Therefore, to solve the root of the problem, societies need to teach its people how to have harmonious relationships. Of all the relationships, the first one to harmonize should be spouses because they are at the core of the family. The Records on Rituals says: "Husband and wife must have distinct responsibilities, then they will have moral gratitude towards each other. When spouses have moral gratitude towards each other, then parents will have a loving relationship with children. When parents and children have love, then the relationship between leaders and followers will be upright. Thus it is said that marriage ceremony is the foundational ceremony." (Original text: 《禮記·昏義》：「男女有別，而後夫婦有義；夫婦有義，而後父子有親；父子有親，而後君臣有正。故曰：昏禮者，禮之本也。」) When spouses are in harmony, then they will create a happy and harmonious family environment. In order for that to happen, they need to feel a sense of moral gratitude towards each other. When we feel moral gratitude, we feel like they have given so much to us, and it's only right that we should give back in this relationship, otherwise we are mistreating them. This kind of relationship is bound to be harmonious and long-lasting. Image Source: Unsplash In a harmonious family environment, children will grow up with healthy personalities and know how to get along well with others. Children who have good relationships with their parents will be naturally able to extend the respect they have for parents towards other elders, such as teachers at school and leaders in the workplace. On the other hand, children who disrespect parents and have conflict with parents will probably have similar relationship patterns with other elders in society. How to Harmonize the Family In order for spouses to live in harmony, they have to appreciate each other. They have to be grateful to have each other. Thus, having distinct responsibilities is key. In the past, it was usually the husband that worked and the wife that stayed at home and took care of the children and grandparents. The husband is thankful to the wife for taking care of all the people in the family while he's out working, and the wife is thankful to the husband for supporting the family financially. If on the other hand, both spouses work and earn money, and the kid is left with nannies or daycare, what happens? The spouses don't appreciate each other as much. Each spouse may think, "I don't need you. I don't get enough appreciation from you. I can work and earn money too." Moreover, the kid is not as close with the parents, or even thinks the parents don't care that much about him/her. When kids grow up lacking love, they are more likely to have personality problems or bad emotional management. It's also easier for them to fall in with bad groups of people because they seek belonging so badly. In modern society, it's already very common for both spouses to work. We're not going to return to old times where wives were expected to stay at home to take care of the family. But that's not the point. The point is that spouses need to have moral gratitude towards each other. There are other ways to do that. Change Starts With Me. With My Thinking. Wayne Dyer said, "When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change." Ultimately, how we feel about someone is not dependent on them as much as it is dependent on our thinking. If we are always looking at the other person's bad points, on how they aren't good enough, on how they upset us, then we will have conflict with them. But if we can focus on what they have given us, on the kindness they've shown, on what they contribute to the relationship, on their good points, then we will naturally start feeling gratitude towards them. When we feel gratitude, we'll naturally feel happy and treat them with respect and love. Image Source: Unsplash Therefore, if we want to have a harmonious family and contribute to world peace, it starts with changing our attitude towards our spouse and family members. First, focus on their contributions, kindness, and good points…because what we focus on will grow. Venerable Jing Kong once said, "If we want a happy lifelong marriage, there is one secret: Only look at their good points. Don't look at their imperfections." When we focus on their good points, we will feel happy when we think of them and see them. When we give them positive energy and express appreciation for them, they will naturally be positive towards us and want to contribute more. Second, tolerate their imperfections…because we all have imperfections, and we all hope others can forgive us rather than demand us to be perfect. Through mutual acceptance and encouragement, people will feel motivated to improve. Third, Let bygones be bygones…we are all human, and we all make mistakes. No one likes being constantly criticized for something that they've already apologized for. Let's focus on creating a better future instead of always bringing up past mistakes. As for our children, it's important that the adults set a good role model. Spouses should be harmonious and respectful to each other, especially when children are watching. I remember one of my teachers said, "When I was growing up, I never saw my parents argue. If they started to have a disagreement, they both had the sense that they cannot argue in front of the kids. They would instead go to a room privately to discuss the matter. As a result, I never really saw or learned conflict in my family environment, and I am extremely grateful to my parents for that." We should have this sense too. Moreover, we need to give lots of love and positive energy to our children. In this way, they will grow up to have a healthy personality. We don't want them to feel neglected or unloved or get sucked into negative content on their phones or hang around bad influences without our knowledge. Parents are all very busy with work nowadays, and when they return home, they tend to be tired. But parents don't have to spend huge amounts of time with children in order to have a good relationship with them. Quality is more important than quantity. As long as we sincerely want to spend time with our children, we will seize every opportunity. Our children will feel our sincere love, and they will have love and respect for us as a result. Image Source: Unsplash If, however, parents would rather scroll on their phones or do other things instead of spending time with their kids, then the kids will learn the same behavior. In the future, they won't care about their parents and just want to scroll on their phones or do their own things. If they lack respect towards their parents, who are the closest people to them, then how can they truly respect other people? For Those Not Married For those of us who are not married yet, it's extremely important to understand that marriage is not a small matter. Know that, just like you, your spouse is not going to be perfect. Do you have confidence in yourself to maintain harmony despite their faults and imperfections? A good test is to reflect on how we treat our parents. After all, our parents gave us the most. They gave us our life and raised us all these years. They are always thinking to benefit their children. Do we often think about all the kindness and love that our parents have given us? Or do we often complain about them and think about past grievances? Parents aren't perfect either; can we tolerate their imperfections? Image Source How we treat our parents is our true selves. We're not trying to put on our best selves to leave a good impression on parents. We know that no matter what we do, parents will still take care of us. So if we lack appreciation for our parents, then we may very likely treat our spouse and other people the same way. Even if we don’t plan on getting married, we’ll find that when we improve our relationship with our parents, we’ll have better relationships with other people, and we’ll be much happier. Again, the solution is in changing our attitude. Focus on their kindness and on giving back. Tolerate their imperfections just like how we would want others to tolerate our imperfections. Let bygones be bygones, and encourage each other to create a better future together. When we can do this towards our parents, we'll naturally be able to do it towards others. We should also remember that birds of a feather flock together. If we want to attract a virtuous spouse who is loving and respectful towards their parents, then we need to be this kind of person first. Otherwise, even if we meet such a person, they wouldn’t want to associate with us. Conclusion A peaceful society is the shared responsibility of every family in that society. Moreover, family is the foundation for all of us. Thus, a harmonious family means a happy life for ourselves. The most important relationship in the family is that of spouses. When spouses have gratitude and moral duty towards each other, they will be happy. They will then give that positive energy to the children, allowing the children to grow up with healthy personalities, and the children will contribute positive energy to the society too. In the past, spouses would have distinct responsibilities, which helped them have gratitude towards each other. Although modern marriages may not be able to replicate that, we can still foster mutual gratitude by changing our attitude. We should focus on each others' kindness and contributions, tolerate each others' imperfections, let go of past grievances, and work together to create a better future. Although parents are very busy with work nowadays, it's very important to prioritize quality time with children so that they feel loved and cared for, and to prevent them from slipping into negative influences. As long as we sincerely want to spend time with them, they will feel it, and they will be motivated to give back to the family. Regardless if we are married or not, let us all contribute to a peaceful society and our own happiness by harmonizing our own families. Weekly Wisdom #395

A long time ago, there was a man was not well educated and could not do any kind of work, so he had no choice but to become a servant. Before he started work, someone taught him some rules. “Firstly, when walking, never walk in front of your master. Got it?” “Got it!” “There’s another important rule, and it has its advantages too. Your things are not to be used by the master. But you may use your master's things. Got it?" “Got it!” “And one more rule: when the master is eating, you must not eat first. After the master has finished, whatever is left over, you eat. Got it?” “Got it!” Image Source: GPT After memorizing these three rules, he started working as a servant. One evening the master was out on the road, and dinner was already prepared at home. In those days it was dark at night and there were no electric lights, so the family said, “So-and-so, take a lantern and go pick up the master.” The servant went out and met the master on the road. Carrying the lantern, he ran behind the master. The master said, “Hey! What are you doing? Go in front!” The servant replied, “No, no, no, I can't!” No matter what the master said, he refused, because the rule he had learned was that he must stay behind the master. As a result, the master was very irritated walking in front with no light. Image Source: GPT Another day, the master went out again. It was late and raining, so the family told the servant to take an umbrella to pick up the him. Carrying the umbrella, he met the master on the road. The master had no umbrella and said, “Oh good, you brought an umbrella. Let’s share it.” The servant replied, “No, no, no, I can't!” Again, the servant refused because the rule he had learned was that the master cannot use his things. Image Source: GPT After returning home, the master was extremely displeased. Even the mistress could not calm him down. Their argument upset their child, who began to cry. The adults quickly soothed the child and gave him a bowl of milk to drink. After the child finished drinking, there was some leftover, and this servant immediately ran over and started drinking the leftovers himself. Why? Because it was “what the master had left over”! As for what happened to that servant later, we can all probably guess. Image Source: GPT (Story translated from Professor Xu's Commentary on The Essentials of Common Propriety) Commentary While we may laugh at this stickler servant, we should also reflect on ourselves. Are we good students? If we want a happy life, then being a good student at moral learning is key. If we want a successful career, then being a good student in our field is key. No matter our situation, learning is an important ability we ought to develop. In the Analects, Confucius said, "Learning without thinking leads to confusion. Thinking without learning leads to trouble." (Original text: 學而不思則罔，思而不學則殆。) In moral learning and cultivation, we can't just learn the surface-level matter. We have to grasp the underlying principle and spirit behind the matters. There is never a one-size-fits-all approach, and every rule has its exceptions. Thus, it's very important for us to contemplate "Why?" towards rules and to check our understanding with experts. Only when we understand why can we judge when to make exceptions. In the Optimality Principle, Confucius also gave a sequence for moral learning: "Learn deeply and broadly, inquire thoroughly, think carefully, discern clearly, and practice earnestly." (Original text: 博學之 審問之 慎思之 明辦之 篤行之) The first step is to start learning about a topic, and we aim to learn extensively. In the process of learning theory, we need to inquire thoughtfully and thoroughly. Engage with the content. Ask questions. Third, we need to think carefully about the content and the answers to our questions. What is the matter, the reasoning, and the intention? How can we apply these teachings in our daily life? We also need to discern clearly what is true in which situations and in which situations there may be exceptions. The previous four steps are all part of the process of understanding and digesting the theory that we learned. What is the purpose of understanding? To practice earnestly. Only through action can we truly benefit. Thus, the previous four steps are all for the purpose of our practice in daily life. Understanding and practice mutually feed each other. Image Source: GPT In this story, the person who advised the servant gave reasonable rules that would normally be suitable. However, the servant only focused on the matters of the rules without understanding the underlying reason or principles behind the rules. As a result, he didn't make exceptions when he should have. For the first rule, indeed, we should usually walk behind the master to show our respect. After all, it's the leader that leads in front, and the follower follows behind. The leader gets to set the walking pace, not the follower. If the leader wants to stop, the followers stop too. The principle and spirit here is respect and deference. But when it is dark, the servant needs to serve the master by lighting the path ahead for the master. So when we walk behind the master, it's to show our deference and respect. When we walk ahead to light the way for the master, it's also to show our deference and respect. Although the actions seem opposite, the intention is the same: respectful service. Can you think of other situations where the servant should walk ahead of the master? In our learning, we also need to be able to make connections and inferences. If we cannot, then our learning is stiff and rigid; we're just memorizing matters, not internalizing principles and spirit. Matters are infinite, and trying to memorize them one by one is poor learning. If we internalize the principle and spirit, then we'll be able to respond to all matters appropriately. One example I can think of for when we should walk ahead of others is when we approach a door. The servant should then rush ahead to open the door for the master. Another example might be walking down a rocky path. The servant could walk ahead to check the safety of the path for the master. Although we're using the example of a servant and master here, it's not limited to these two roles. When we're with anyone else, we can view them as either our superior or junior. Towards parents, teachers, leaders, as well as elder siblings and friends, we can treat them the way a servant treats a master: with an attitude of service and respect. The second rule was that the servant is allowed to use the master's things, but the master is not allowed to use the servant's things. Why? I think the master shouldn't use the servant's things because we want to help the master maintain his image. If the master uses the servant's things, people might think he is a servant, not a master. On the other hand, the servant can use the master's things because the servant needs to do work for the master, and that sometimes requires using the master's things. If the servant understood this spirit, then when he went to pick up the master in the rain, he would've thought to take the master's umbrella instead of his own, or take both umbrellas. Which option is better? Well, if the master's umbrella is big enough, and the rain isn't too heavy, then I would just take the master's umbrella and hold the umbrella for him. If the master's umbrella is small or the rain is quite heavy, then I would take two umbrellas for better rain protection. Thus, we can see how actions are very flexible and need to adapt to the complex situation, but the intention is still the same. Another important point is that the master even ordered the servant to walk ahead with the lamp and to share the umbrella. This should be the trump card that trumps all rules. If the master orders something and insists on it, we obey. Hence the saying, "Respect is inferior to obedience." When elders ask us to do something, like going first instead of waiting for them, and then we say "No no no, you first", we might think we are being respectful, but actually obeying the elder's orders is true respect. Of course, this requires us to observe the situation and sense the elder's true feelings. Sometimes, they are just being polite; other times, they really mean it. We can't rely on rules. We have to use our judgment and sense what's appropriate for each unique situation. The third rule was that the servant mustn't eat before the master, and whatever is leftover, the servant eats. Why? Of course, the spirit is respect, but what's the reasoning behind the matter? Well, when the most important person should eat first. Therefore, the master eats before the servant. This is also why children should wait until their elders start eating before they start eating. Why should the servant eat the leftovers? Again, the spirit here is deference and not wanting to add trouble to the master. Whatever food the master has, the servant eats. The master isn't going to cook separate food specially for the servant. Moreover, the master doesn't want to waste food, so whatever is leftover, the servant helps to eat. It's also possible that there are certain delicacies that the master wants to save for later, and he might tell the servant to not eat that. Every rule has its exceptions. If we understand the spirit is respect, then we would be able to infer other actions. What inferences can you think of? For one, we would observe their glass and plates. When they are low on water, we could promptly and proactively pour some for them. If we see they really like a certain dish, we could get more of that dish for them. When we bring that dish close to them, we observe their reaction. They might look pleased, or they might look displeased. Based on their reaction and words, we would know if they truly want it or not. We should also try to eat at a similar speed to elders. If we eat too fast, they feel pressured to eat faster. If we eat too slow, then they end up having to wait for us. These are just a few examples of inferences. In the story, the food was milk for the baby. It's kind of strange for the servant to eat baby food because that food was never meant for him. It's basic social intelligence. The stickler servant was a great example of a bad student. We learn from his mistakes to become better students ourselves. At the same time, we should also learn from good role models. Venerable Master Jing Kong is a model of an exemplary student. He is renowned for lecturing on complex Buddhist sutras in an easy-to-understand manner. The teacher who taught him was Mr. Li Bingnan, and Venerable Jing Kong once said, "When I listened to Mr. Li lecture on the Flower Adornment Sutra, I only heard the first volume. Yet after hearing that first volume, I was able to lecture on the remaining eighty volumes myself. Why? Because I understood my teacher’s way of thinking, his ideology, and his methods. What kind of mindset should be used in lecturing? What methods should be used? Such things are alive and flexible; they cannot really be taught directly. What is required is long-term close attendance upon the teacher, never missing a single class. Gradually, through continual observation and reflection, you come to understand these things yourself. It is not that the teacher refuses to teach—it simply cannot be taught explicitly. By listening over a long period, constantly pondering and reflecting, you gradually gain insight and realizations, and then you can apply it flexibly on the lecture platform yourself. If you only learn fixed explanations sentence by sentence, then your method is rigid and dead. It cannot adapt, and it cannot suit the capacities of different audiences." Conclusion The stickler servant was a great example of how to be a bad student: follow rules rigidly without asking why. If we want to be good students in moral learning on how to be a good person and have a happy life, then we need learn not the matters, but rather the principles, reasoning, spirit, and intentions behind the matters. In this way, we can learn one matter and infer many more. This kind of learning is alive and flexible. It brings us insights and realizations, which is a joyful experience. In order to grasp the principles and spirit, we need to inquire thoroughly, think carefully, and discern clearly. We also need long-term observation of good teachers and role models, as well as self-reflection and earnest practice. When we understand one point, we practice one point. From practice, we reflect and gain further understanding, which then improves our practice next time. Practice and understanding fuel each other, and through the process, we will experience the joy of moral learning and growth. As Confucius said in the opening line of the Analects, "To learn and constantly practice what one learns, is this not joyful?" They key, of course, is that we know how to learn. Weekly Wisdom #394

The Daily Stoic is a book with 366 quotes from Stoic philosophers on how to live a good life. I had previously read this a couple years ago and benefited a lot from it, and I've decided to read it again this year. Every day, I read the quote, the explanation, and then journal my thoughts and reflections. At the end of each month, I review my reflections and summarize the month. April's theme is unbiased thought, and this article will summarize my April reflections: The importance of our thoughts Cultivating our thoughts Adjusting expectations Cultivating virtues Image Source: GPT 1: The importance of our thoughts April 1: "Your mind will take the shape of what you frequently hold in thought, for the human spirit is colored by such impressions." —Marcus Aurelius A lot of people spend most of their time and energy trying to earn more money, to gain a better reputation, to buy more things, or to have better experiences. But what is the most important thing that we should improve in our lives? Ancient philosophers like Marcus Aurelius would tell us it's our mind, our thoughts, or our attitude. After all, it is our thoughts that determine how we feel, not what happens to us. It is our thoughts that determine our actions and reactions, which then determines our life. More importantly, our thoughts are in our control! We can consciously choose and train the color of our thoughts. In fact, it's absolutely necessary if we want a good life. April 17: "If being upset or hurt is something you'd like to experience less often, then make sure your interpretations of others' words make that possible." —Ryan Holiday April 18: "What is bad luck? Opinion. What are conflict, dispute, blame, accusation, irreverence, and frivolity? They are all opinions, and more than that, they are opinions that lie outside of our own reasoned choice, presented as if they were good or evil. Let a person shift their opinions only to what belongs in the field of their own choice, and I guarantee that person will have peace of mind, whatever is happening around them." —Epictetus A lot of us think, "If only that person would change…if only my situation would change…then I would be happy." But external people and situations are not the root of our happiness or unhappiness. Our thoughts are. Moreover, externals are not in our control, while our thoughts are. Thus we see the importance of our thoughts: it's our thoughts that determine our happiness and peace of mind, not outside people or situations. My Practice: In my daily reflection journal, I will record things that upset me, and I will try to reframe the situation positively or imagine ancient philosophers advising me. This helps me to change my perspective and thoughts towards what I initially felt was a purely negative event. 2: Cultivating our thoughts April 30: "Just as what is considered rational or irrational differs for each person, in the same way what is good or evil and useful or useless differs for each person. This is why we need education, so that we might learn how to adjust our preconceived notions of the rational and irrational in harmony with nature. In sorting this out, we don't simply rely on our estimate of the value of external things, but also apply the rule of what is in keeping with one's character." —Epictetus The purpose of learning philosophy and moral education is to teach people correct standards for right versus wrong, good versus bad, appropriate versus inappropriate, and beneficial versus harmful. When we have a correct moral compass, we will naturally live in harmony with the world. People who haven't learned such things might think they should be common sense, but actually, it's often more complicated than we think. If we still have conflict with others or get bad results when we try to do something that we think is good or right, then we probably need to spend more time and effort in moral learning. Moreover, it's best to read ancient teachings that have been time-tested for thousands of years as compared to modern ideas that haven't passed the test of time. For example, a modern idea is that the purpose of life is self-enjoyment. But there's no record of ancient philosophers saying that. Why? Probably because if someone said that, and then later people followed that advice, they realized it led to problems, so they wouldn't pass on that bad teaching to future generations. It's no coincidence that all the ancient philosophers agree that the purpose of life is to serve and help others. Thus, establishing a correct moral compass is the first step to cultivating our thoughts. Once we have correct standards, we can then compare our thoughts to the standards and correct them. To give some examples, Stoicism teaches us: Focus on what's in our control. Be strict with yourself and tolerant towards others. The purpose of life is to cultivate our moral character and serve the common good. Wherever there is another person, there is an opportunity for kindness. The obstacle is the way. Amor Fati: Love everything that happens because anything can be good and useful. Memento Mori: Life could end at any time. Cherish time and don't waste life. These are all effective and proper standards for our moral compass. April 21: "Is it possible to be free from error? Not by any means, but it is possible to be a person always stretching to avoid error. For we must be content to at least escape a few mistakes by never letting our attention slide." —Epictetus April 22: "These are the characteristics of the rational soul: self-awareness, self-examination, and self-determination. It reaps its own harvest… It succeeds in its own purpose…" —Marcus Aurelius Image Source: Unsplash Philosophers are rational people. Rational people do things that are beneficial and worthwhile. What obstructs rationality? Excessive emotion. We all get emotionally triggered by certain things, whether it's certain people, events, or things. Thus, philosophical training is training our attention and self-awareness to be aware of our thoughts, mental state, and emotional state. The faster we can become aware of bad thoughts and correct them, the better our cultivation. This is cultivating from the root. If we want to have self-awareness, then we need to constantly do self-examination, that is examining if our thoughts are correct or proper. This constant self-examination can be quite tiring and unnatural at first, so we also need to have self-determination to build this ability or habit. My Practice: I've been learning philosophy for many years now, and I feel that I have slowly built up a moral compass that reaps good results. As with learning anything major, it requires time and determination, but the harvest is worth it. To improve my awareness of the virtues I want to cultivate, I inspect myself on those things every night in my daily reflection journal. I also meditate every day to help keep my mind rational and calm. 3: Adjusting Expectations Aside from the methods mentioned earlier, adjusting expectations is another method for cultivating our thoughts. There were many quotes about this in April, so I created its own section here. Surprise magnifies emotions. But if we saw it coming, it's much easier to remain calm and rational. Thus, the Stoics have many ways to adjust expectations to be more realistic. The point isn't to put us in a bad mood. Rather, it's to put ourselves in a state of vigilance to remain calm in the face of challenges. April 6: "When you first rise in the morning, tell yourself: I will encounter busybodies, ingrates, egomaniacs, liars, the jealous, and cranks. They are all stricken with these afflictions because they don't know the difference between good and evil. Because I have understood the beauty of good and the ugliness of evil, I know that these wrong-doers are still akin to me…and that none of them can do me harm, or implicate me in ugliness—nor can I be angry at my relatives or hate them. For we are made for cooperation." —Marcus Aurelius The fact is, school nowadays doesn't teach people how to cultivate their thoughts, virtues, character, and relationships. Instead, school just focuses on grades. Given that most people didn't really learn about moral cultivation, it's only expected that we would encounter people who have vices and bad habits. Even those of us who have learned should know how difficult it is to change bad habits. Thus, we should be more tolerant and understanding towards everyone. As philosophers and self-cultivators, we recognize that others cannot implicate me in their vice. Just because others do bad things doesn't mean they can make me do bad things. Just because others have negative emotions doesn't mean I will get influenced. Just because others have conflict with me doesn't mean I can't have harmony with them. With awareness and training, we become masters of ourselves, and we'll be able to cooperate with all people, virtuous or not. That is attainment, and it is our true nature. April 15: "Nothing will ever befall me that I will receive with gloom or a bad disposition. I will pay my taxes gladly. Now, all the things which cause complaint or dread are like the taxes of life—things from which, my dear Lucillius, you should never hope for exemption or seek escape." —Seneca "Waiting around is a tax on traveling. Rumors and gossip are the taxes that come from acquiring a public persona. Disagreements and occasional frustration are taxes placed on even the happiest of relationships. Theft is a tax on abundance and having things that other people want. Stress and problems are tariffs that come attached to success. And on and on and on." —Ryan Holiday I think the analogy of tax is a great one. From one perspective, tax is just a matter of life. Nobody gets upset that they have to pay tax when they buy stuff. It's extremely normal and common. From another perspective, we should be grateful for taxes and pay them gladly as Seneca says. Why? Firstly, the reason you pay tax is because you have the money to buy the thing in the first place. You aren't super poor. Secondly, tax money is used to serve the people. We should feel thankful for the services that tax provides. This mindset can be extended to other taxes of life. When we have to wait in line, we can be grateful that it's so easy to buy groceries at the store, that we can get fresh produce from all over the world at a local supermarket. Wow. Waiting in line is just a minor inconvenience or tax in exchange for a great luxury. Traffic may not be ideal, but wow, we have cars and highways that allow us to travel far distances so fast. And we have a job. And we have the freedom to go to the office unlike during the pandemic. And we can use our commute time to listen to podcasts. And on and on. April 26: Things Happen in Training "When your sparring partner scratches or headbutts you, you don't then make a show of it, or protest, or view him with suspicion or as plotting against you. And yet you keep an eye on him, not as an enemy or with suspicion, but with a healthy avoidance. You should act this way with all things in life. We should give a pass to many things with our fellow trainees. For, as I've said, it's possible to avoid without suspicion or hate." —Marcus Aurelius Most people want life to follow their wishes. Subconsciously, they think the world revolves around them. This incorrect thinking leads to many unpleasant surprises, which then leads to upset. Marcus Aurelius views life as a sparring partner who is here to help us train and elevate our virtues. We don't get upset if our sparring partner attacks us. We know it's part of the sport! Instead, we train our own skills to defend, dodge, and attack better. If we can have this kind of attitude, not only would we not get upset at challenges, we would improve from them and appreciate them. My Practice: In my practice, I really agree with what Epictetus said about how it's impossible to be free from error, and so our goal isn't perfection, it's to be a person striving for excellence. I still get upset and influenced by external people and situations, but I'm working on it, and I'm certainly better than before. All the examples of adjusting expectations given here remind me of the Six Ways of Endurance, which I review every day. Being more tolerant towards others and viewing their vices as expected and normal is enduring through compassion and observation. Being grateful for the taxes of life is enduring through forgetting; by focusing on the big positives, we forget the small negatives. Being grateful for the sparring partner is enduring through joy; we are happy from the joy of improvement. In the morning, I visualize the people, matters, and things that have upset me a lot in the past, and I thank them for showing me my deficiencies and helping me improve. In the evenings, I reflect on whether I got upset or impatient during the day and if I practiced any of the six methods. Over time, I don't get as annoyed by the things that annoyed me in the past, and I'm better able to respond in a calm and rational way. 4: Cultivating virtues Another aspect of cultivating our thoughts is to cultivate virtues. We want to make virtuous thoughts more natural and habitual, and make non-virtuous thoughts unnatural and unfamiliar. April 20: "Here's a way to think about what the masses regard as being 'good' things. If you would first start by setting your mind upon things that are unquestionably good—wisdom, self-control, justice, courage—with this preconception you'll no longer be able to listen to the popular refrain that there are too many good things to experience in a lifetime." —Marcus Aurelius The Stoics taught that the truly valuable things in life are not external things, like material possessions, but rather our own internal virtues. The four cardinal virtues in Stoicism are wisdom, self-control (or temperance), justice, and courage. Image Source: GPT Wisdom is knowing what's right and wrong, appropriate and inappropriate, and beneficial and harmful. With wisdom, we will make effective choices, leading to good results and a good life. Wisdom is the supporting foundation for the other three virtues. It's thanks to wisdom that We know how to be just and what to be just about. (Justice) We know what to be courageous about, what to persist in, and what to resist. (Courage) What the right amount and degree of something should be. (Self-control and temperance) Self-control is necessary for action. Knowing is just the first step. If we don't take action, nothing good will happen. However, the training process isn't easy, so self-control, discipline, and perseverance are key to attainment. Moreover, self-control involves the aspect of temperance, which is doing things to the appropriate degree. Excessiveness and deficiency are all problematic. Justice, as defined by Marcus Aurelius, is "A commitment to justice in your own acts. Which means: thought and action resulting in the common good. What you were born to do.” Justice is about our interactions with people and how we handle matters. This is built on the foundation of our self-control and wisdom. Once we have corrected ourselves, we can naturally handle relationships and matters effectively. Courage is required to do what's right even when it is difficult, and to continually grow and challenge ourselves. April 4: "Make sure you're not made 'Emperor,' avoid that imperial stain. It can happen to you, so keep yourself simple, good, pure, saintly, plain, a friend of justice, god-fearing, gracious, affectionate, and strong for your proper work. Fight to remain the person that philosophy wished to make you. Revere the gods, and look after each other. Life is short—the fruit of this life is a good character and acts for the common good." —Marcus Aurelius This is one of the most memorable quotes from the book for me. It tells us that the purpose of life is twofold: to cultivate a good character and to serve the common good. When we grow our moral character, we'll experience the joy of growth. When we serve the common good, we'll experience the joy of helping others. Moreover, the order of the two is very important. We have to first cultivate ourselves before we can go serve others. Otherwise, we may end up causing more trouble than help to others. The two are also mutually supporting. We cultivate ourselves to have better relationships, and it is through relationships that we cultivate ourselves. The other aspect of this quote is to guard against arrogance, which is one of the most harmful vices. When people are arrogant, they no longer respect others, they don't think they need to improve, and they wouldn't think about benefiting the common good. April 25: "If anyone can prove and show to me that I think and act in error, I will gladly change it—for I seek the truth, by which no one has ever been harmed. The one who is harmed is the one who abides in deceit and ignorance." —Marcus Aurelius "It would be embarrassing if we didn't end up finding out if we were wrong in the past." —Ryan Holiday This is another quote emphasizing humility. I really admire how Marcus Aurelius was so vigilant towards arrogance. After all, he was an emperor, so no one was higher in position than him, but he had the wisdom to know that arrogance would lead to his downfall, and that humility was essential. Only the humble will receive advice and support from others, which will then help them prevent major errors. Image Source Humility is about valuing knowing the truth more than feeling good about ourselves. When hearing advice and criticism, humble people would listen respectfully and thank the adviser. Sure, it might hurt the ego a bit to know we're wrong, but we'll get over it, and we'll slowly learn to not care about being right all the time. We want to hear the opposing opinions because it will help us get a more accurate and well-rounded picture of the situation, which can then help us make better decisions, which then leads to a better life. My Practice: I have a list of virtues that I am working on, and I reflect on these every day in my reflection journal. Wisdom: I read or listen to ancient philosophical teachings every day. I also write a blog article every week to solidify my learning. If I have to make big decisions, I will usually meditate to calm my mind first. Self-control and temperance: My personality is naturally quite disciplined and self-motivated. I manage my time strictly, which the Stoics point out is our most important resource. Doing things to just the right degree is not an easy matter. I can be overly perfectionistic or demanding sometimes, which causes trouble for myself and others. I've noticed that if I want to achieve just the right degree, the key is that my mind is very clear and objective, and my emotions are peaceful. Justice: I care a lot about fairness and appropriateness. I try to consider matters from multiple angles and multiple people's perspectives. Courage: I try to challenge myself to be in the growth zone rather than staying in the comfort zone all the time. I give myself short-term goals where I focus on one matter of cultivation for a period of time to try to develop better habits one at a time. Humility: This is one of my weaknesses. I need to improve on being more respectful and appreciative, especially when hearing criticism. Conclusion April was all about cultivating our thoughts to be unbiased, proper, and effective. We have to first recognize the importance of our thoughts, that our thoughts determine our actions and consequently our life. Then we would naturally be motivated to cultivate our thoughts. As for the methods of cultivation, we need to educate ourselves on the standards of morality. Once we know these standards, we can then compare our thoughts to these standards. Therefore, we need to train our awareness of our thoughts, to constantly examine our thoughts, and to correct our thoughts as soon as we notice they are wrong. The Stoics also gave us many analogies to adjust our expectations towards life, guiding us to be more tolerant, patient, understanding, and appreciative. Finally, we should cultivate virtues such as wisdom, self-control, justice, courage, and humility. This is cultivating a good character, which we do for the purpose of serving the common good. Through relationships, we cultivate our virtues, and through virtues, we have happy relationships and a happy life. Weekly Wisdom #393

Image Source The Hare was once boasting of his speed before the other animals. ‘I have never yet been beaten,’ said he, ‘when I put forth my full speed. I challenge any one here to race with me.’ The Tortoise said quietly, ‘I accept your challenge.’ ‘That is a good joke,’ said the Hare; ‘I could dance round you all the way.’ ‘Keep your boasting till you’ve beaten,’ answered the Tortoise. ‘Shall we race?’ So a course was fixed and a start was made. The Hare darted almost out of sight at once, but soon stopped and, to show his contempt for the Tortoise, lay down to have a nap. The Tortoise plodded on and plodded on, and when the Hare awoke from his nap, he saw the Tortoise just near the winning-post and could not run up in time to save the race. Then said the Tortoise: ‘Plodding wins the race.’ (Source: Aesop's Fables) Commentary Probably everyone has heard this fable at some point. Usually, we're told that the moral of the story is that "slow and steady wins the race". Indeed, most worthwhile pursuits in life (e.g., relationships, schooling, career) are marathons not sprints, and the success of these things depends on perseverance. But there are other morals that can be drawn. The most obvious one that comes to mind is probably "arrogance leads to downfall". It reminds me of a Chinese saying, "An arrogant army will definitely face defeat." Another one is "carelessness leads to downfall." The two are heavily related. When we are arrogant, we have too much confidence in ourselves, causing us to become careless. Although these morals seem simple and easy-to-understand, the more important thing is, can we relate back to our lives? Can we prevent making the same mistake as the Hare and learn the virtues of the Tortoise? I'm reminded of something a doctor said to me once. He said that there are two types of people that live a long life. The first is those who were born with a good constitution and took decent care of their health. The second is those who were born with a bad constitution and were very careful with their health throughout their life. Meanwhile, some people are born with a good constitution, but they squander their health with bad habits and choices, so they end up living a short life. I think this relates to the fable. Someone born with a good constitution is like the Hare. If they take decent care of themselves, that's like running the race and not being careless or arrogant to nap. Someone born with a bad constitution would be like the Tortoise. But with persistent carefulness and perseverance, they can attain good health and "win the race". The same is true in our learning and cultivation. Some people are born smarter than others. Some people started out in life with better conditions and resources than others. If those people get arrogant, they are reaping the seeds for their downfall. That would be a shame. If they could remain humble and careful, then they would attain spectacular success. On the other hand, some people are born a bit slow-witted and dull. But with persistence and diligence, they too can become top of their field. As the Optimality Principle states: "If others can do it in one try (and I cannot), I will do it a hundred times; if others can do it in ten tries (and I cannot), I will do it a thousand times. If one can truly follow this principle, then the dull will definitely become wise, and the weak will definitely become strong." My Practice In order to prevent arrogance and complacency, I have role models in mind that I am working to catch up to. This helps me to not think too highly of myself because I feel like I still have a long way to go compared to my role models. When I see other people's faults, it's easy to think I'm better than them if I don't have that fault, or at least not to that degree. To correct this arrogant mentality, I will remind myself that everyone has different personalities, and each personality has their own individual strengths and weaknesses. Although they might have a certain weakness that I'm better at, they will also have certain strengths that I'm weaker at. No one is perfect. When I look at others, I should focus on their strengths and try to learn from them. If I were the Hare, I might tell myself, "Although I am very fast, I'm not nearly as fast as a cheetah. Besides, I can still work on beating my own record. Although the tortoise is slow, he is very steady and calm. That's something I need to learn." As for carefulness, I find that I become careless in two situations. First is when I think this task is too easy or simple. Second is when I'm rushed. The second situation is much more common, so I need to cultivate calmness and do daily meditation. In terms of perseverance, if I set my mind to something that I feel is important, I am usually good at persevering with a daily practice. I think one major reason for this is because I've researched habit formation and use many techniques from experts. For example, I've been writing things that I'm grateful for every day for many years now. What I need to be wary about is to not just go through the motions, but continue doing things with full attention and heart like at the beginning. I shouldn't write something I'm grateful for just to get it done; I should really feel the emotion. The same applies to my daily meditation and other practices. Conclusion What are your thoughts on this timeless fable? How do you emulate the virtues of the Tortoise and guard against the vices of the Hare? Weekly Wisdom #392

Yanshan Dou (窦燕山) was a famous hero of the Five Dynasties period in China's history (907-979). When he was young, his family was wealthy, but he did not use his wealth to help others or to do good deeds. By the time he was 30, he still did not have a son. (For context, in ancient China, people cared heavily about having a son to pass on the family lineage. Although we might not think it's a big deal nowadays, it was a very very big deal back then.) One night, Yanshan had a dream. In this dream, his deceased grandfather and father told him, "You need to change yourself immediately and start doing good deeds! The fate that you came into this world with is not very good. Not only are you not destined to have a son, your lifespan is also short. But if you diligently cultivate goodness now, you might be able to turn your fate around." Image Source: GPT When Yanshan woke up, he was soaked in cold sweat. He realized the truth of his father and grandfather's words, and he was deeply grateful for their loving admonishment. From then on, he diligently improved himself and cultivated goodness. His family had a servant who stole a large amount of money from them. (For context, it was common for wealthy people to employ servants back then). This servant then ran away and left his 12-year old daughter there. He also left a note saying "I sell my daughter to you to return my debt." When Yanshan saw this situation, he felt sorrow for this young girl. He immediately burned the slip of paper and took the girl in as his own daughter. He told his wife, "Let's raise this girl properly. Once she grows up, we can find a good family for her to marry into." (For context, it was normal for parents to arrange marriage for children back then). After this girl grew up, Yanshan found a virtuous husband for her and paid for her marriage expenses. When the servant father found out about this, he felt deeply touched and ashamed. He came back to Yanshan's house and cried while apologizing for his past wrongdoing. Yanshan didn't scold him, but instead urged him to turn over a new leaf. The servant's entire family was endlessly grateful towards Yanshan, so they put his picture on a table, and every morning, they made food offerings to the picture as a way to express their gratitude. Image Source: GPT One time, Yanshan visited a place and found a bag of money. Inside was 30 taels of gold and 200 tales of silver (a lot of money!). He thought, "This is a very large amount of money. Someone must have left it here by accident." He then waited there and guarded the money, waiting for the owner to return. The next day early morning, he heard a crying man approaching. Yanshan asked the man why he was crying. The man said, "My father committed a crime and was banished to a remote region to serve in the army. In order to save my father from this punishment, I begged all my relatives to lend me money. I worked so hard to accumulate that money, and I kept that bag of money by my side carefully. But yesterday, I got drunk with a friend and lost the bag of money. If I can't save my father, I'll never see him again!" After hearing this, Yanshan was sure this person was the owner, so he returned the money to him. Moreover, he gifted him some more money. The person was extremely relieved and grateful. Yanshan continued to practice good deeds. For example, when relatives lacked money to pay for marriages or funeral affairs, he would pay. He also lent money and helped innumerous poor people, helping them establish a better life for themselves. In order to save money to help the poor, he lived a very frugal life. He only spent money on necessary expenses, and he used the rest to help others. He established four schools and hired virtuous teachers to teach the youth. If a student was eager to learn but did not have the money to pay tuition, he would sponsor them. Many talented people graduated from his schools. One day, Yanshan dreamed of his father and grandfather again. They told him, "You have done many great deeds over the years. Because of your accumulated merit, your lifespan has been extended by 36 years, and you will have five prominent sons who will bring glory to the family name. Once you leave this world, you will be born in heaven. Karma is definitely real. Doing good deeds will bring fortune, and bad deeds will bring misfortune. Perhaps the result will be in this lifetime, perhaps next lifetime, or perhaps it will influence the future generation. Nothing slips karma, that is for sure." Afterwards, Yanshan was even more diligent in cultivating virtues. He later indeed had five sons who all became high ranking government officials. The people called them "the five Dou dragons". Yanshan lived until 82 years old. He knew ahead of time the time of his death. He bathed, changed into clean clothes, and told his family he is going to leave. Then he smiled and passed away. (Story Source) Commentary Yanshan's story has two major lessons for me. First is the origin of worship ceremonies, and second is how to change one's fate. 1: The origin of the bows, prostrations, and worship ceremonies After I started learning ancient Chinese philosophy and culture in my mid-twenties, I had the chance to attend many workshops and events. At these events, there was something that I was uncomfortable with: those ceremonies where we have to bow down or prostrate to the Buddha or Confucius or ancestors or teachers. Before my mid-twenties, I had never bowed to anyone. I grew up as an atheist who believed that religions are superstitious. When I heard the word "religion", I would imagine a cult of people bowing down and worshiping a statue of a deity. Later, my mother got into Buddhism, and she would prostrate in front of a Buddha image, and I thought she had become superstitious. After I started learning Confucianism, I learned that in ancient China, people would bow down to their teachers. There's even a ceremony for when a new student begins to learn from a teacher at a private academy. In this ceremony, the child's father leads the child to do nine bows to the teacher as a way to show their respect to the teacher. If the child sees how much the parent respects the teacher, then the child would also respect the teacher and be able to learn well from the teacher. Image Source That makes sense to me, but it still feels really weird for me to bow to anyone because I never did it before, and bowing still makes me think of either superstitious religious cults or medieval kings and their servants. I also saw some Chinese people bowing down to monks, and I thought to myself, "Do you guys view monks as gods or kings or something?" One time, I asked someone who grew up in traditional Chinese culture about this, and he said, "I grew up seeing my parents bow to my grandparents and teachers, so I feel it's very normal and natural to bow down to my parents and teachers. It's simply a way to show our deep respect and gratitude. As for Buddhism, you really respect the Buddha if you want to learn Buddhism. Monks represent the Buddha, so of course we would bow to them." Again, it makes sense intellectually to me, but I still feel it is strange for me to do it to anyone. After I heard Yanshan's story, I suddenly had an epiphany. No one told Yanshan's servant to set up an altar table, put up a picture of Yanshan, and offer food to it every day. He had this idea on his own! Why? Because he was so deeply grateful, and he wanted to do something to express that emotion. It's kind of like when someone is very happy, they laugh or scream. Or if someone is really sad, they cry. Here, he's so grateful that he just has to do something to let that emotion out, and what naturally came to his mind was to set up an altar table and make offerings to a picture of Yanshan. After all, the servant cheated Yanshan a lot of money, but Yanshan not only did not chase him down or torture his daughter, he even forgave him and gave his daughter a good life. That's deep and big kindness! In that feeling of gratitude is also the feeling of admiration and respect. He's so touched and impressed by Yanshan's kindness and virtues that setting up an altar table for Yanshan just feels natural and right. I wouldn't be surprised if the servant and his family also bowed down in front of the altar table every day. When I understood this, I suddenly understood why people have worship ceremonies for the Buddha or God or Confucius or anyone else. It must be because they are deeply grateful for those people for the things they've done in their life and for their teachings that saved their lives or really changed their lives for the better. At least, that should be the origin of these worship ceremonies and rituals. Image Source: Unsplash Perhaps nowadays, some people bow and do rituals without understanding why, or out of the superstitious belief that somehow the deity will bless them, but the origin of such rituals should have been out of gratitude and respect. It would be like if the servant had a great-great-great-great-grandson, and he sees the family bowing down to the picture of Yanshan every day, but no one actually told him what Yanshan did for the family in the past. The boy then assumes that maybe Yanshan is a supernatural deity who can bless them if they worship him. For me personally, I reflected on how my life has changed and improved after learning the teachings of the Buddha and Confucius and ancient stoic philosophers. It's thanks to their teachings that I now feel much more peace and joy in life. It's almost like I was reborn thanks to their teachings. With this kind of gratitude in my heart, I feel that bowing to them is very suitable. I then thought about the gratitude of my parents, especially my mother who went through a lot of hardship to give birth to me and raise me. Although it still feels a little weird to bow to her because I've just never done it, and that's not how I was taught to express gratitude in my life, but I feel it's very reasonable. From another perspective, we shouldn't be attached to appearances or methods. The most important thing is the intention behind our actions. In some cultures, giving a bow is very normal. When they give that bow, perhaps their feeling of gratitude and respect is equivalent to my feeling of gratitude and respect when I give my mother Tuina massage for an hour. It's the intention that matters, not necessarily the method of expression. It's most important to express in a method that the other person likes. Now, if I attend a ceremony where we bow down to the Buddha or Confucius or ancestors or teachers, I know the intention behind the rituals, and I feel more natural doing the bows and prostrations. 2: Changing Fate I've previously written a series of articles on the law of karma and changing fate. The first article mentioned that karma has flower retributions and fruit retributions. If we do good deeds, we may or may not receive the good results in this life depending on whether the conditions are ripe. If we receive good results in this life, that's just the flower retribution. The fruit retribution will be even bigger in a future life. The same is true for sins. We are born with karma that we carry from our past lives. We already have a fate at the moment of birth, but that fate is subject to change with our every thought, speech, and action. The third article in the karma series explained that karma has size and heaviness. A person originally with a lot of fortune can lose it fast if he or she commits a lot of sins. Meanwhile, a person originally fated for a lot of suffering can turn that fate around if he or she accumulates merits and virtues. The book Liao Fan's Four Lessons explains fate in detail, and Yanshan's story is a great example. Yanshan was originally destined for a short life and no heir, which is a result of sins committed in past lives. We can conjecture that he committed the sins of killing and creating fear in others, leading to the karmic consequence of a short life. Having heirs to carry on the family name also requires virtues and fortune, and he didn't cultivate enough to have descendants in this life. However, after hearing admonishment from his grandfather and father, he diligently cultivated virtues and accumulated merits. As a result, his life was extended by 36 years, and he had five prominent sons! This is just his flower-retribution. His fruit retribution was heavenly rebirth, where everything is thousands of times better than in the human realm. To change his fate so drastically and quickly, Yanshan must have accumulated extremely large goodness in this life. We can go through his story part by part and analyze the karma. At the beginning of the story, it said that although he was wealthy, he didn't use his wealth to help others or do good deeds. To be selfish and not help others in need when you have the ability is a sin. This might have been a habit carried over from his past lives since the text said that he was originally destined for a short life. Later, he had a dream where his deceased grandfather and father urged him to turn over a new leaf. More importantly, he actually listened to their advice. This illustrates the saying, "Fortune belongs to those who listen to criticism." The fact that he could believe what his grandfather and father said about past karma and changing fate is also related to his past lives. He must have learned such things before, so he was easily able to believe in it this life. Later, his servant stole a large amount of money from him. According to the law of karma, this is not random. Why would the servant steal money from him of all people? Why that amount? It's because Yanshan also stole from the servant in a past life, and now the conditions are ripe for the servant to collect that debt. Image Source What happens to us is a result of our past karma, but how we respond now creates our future karma and is a reflection of our virtues. Normally, if a servant stole a lot of money, the master would be furious and send people to chase the servant down. Whether he's successful or not at getting the money back would depend on if he truly owes that money to the servant. But in Yanshan's case, he not only forgave the servant, which is already hard enough, he even took care of the servant's daughter as his own daughter. This is very big goodness for many reasons. First, it is very difficult for most people in such a situation to forgive the servant and then to take care of the daughter. Others might have sent people to kill the servant or kill the daughter. He didn't, so he saved two lives, which is a big deal. Second, he was very sincere about it. He comes from a wealthy family, yet he raised a servant-class girl for many years as his own daughter and didn't change his mind. This is very selfless compassion. He didn't brag about it or think himself to be amazing, so he was humble too. He did it out of an intention of pure goodness. By saving someone else's child, he plants the seed to have his own children. And since he himself cultivated such great virtues, his children would surely be virtuous too. Another time, he found a lot of money and guarded it until he found the correct owner. The owner was going to use that money to save his father. If he lost that money, the lives of the father and the owner would be ruined. Therefore, Yanshan saved another two lives, which is again planting the seeds for longevity. When relatives lacked money for funerals or marriages, he would pay. Giving parents a proper funeral is filial piety. By helping others be good children, he plants the seed for himself to have good children. Helping others get married and have descendants is planting the seed for himself to have children. He helped many poor people establish a better life for themselves. Originally, these people were going to live a life of suffering and fear, but thanks to Yanshan, they could live a good life. This is giving them comfort, health, and wealth, which will reap the karmic results of comfort, health and wealth for himself. He built schools and hired virtuous teachers. This is contributing good people to society, which is one of the greatest contributions we can give. Good education is foundational for a good life. His act of supporting good education is giving wealth, health, and wisdom, and he will reap these karmic results. Most importantly, he did all of these things out of sincerity. He didn't seek a reward. He did these because it felt like the right thing to do. He persisted for years. He persisted despite difficulties. He was willing to live a very frugal life in order to help others more. It's because of his sincere intentions, as well as the great scale of impact that he had, that he accumulated so much goodness so fast. Later, his grandfather and father told him that his life would be extended by 36 years and that he would have five prominent sons. He lived until 82, which means that he was originally destined to live until 46. Having good children is a great fortune because they greatly impact our happiness and quality of life. Good children make our later years peaceful, while bad children can ruin our lives. Yanshan also died a very peaceful death and even knew the time of his death. This is one of the greatest fortunes. Relating back to ourselves, we might think, "Well, Yanshan has a lot of money, so it's easy for him to accumulate goodness. I'm not rich or powerful, so it's harder for me." But we have to remember that the size of our good karma depends on the sincerity of our intentions. If person A has $1000 dollars that he could donate, but he is only willing to donate $100, that's 10% sincerity. If person B has $100 dollars but is willing to donate $50, that's 50% sincerity. As long as we try our best to help others in whatever way appropriate, then our merit is full. Image Source We might think, "Well Yanshan was lucky to have encountered a lot of situations where he could help others. I don't have that many opportunities." We should remember that cultivating goodness and virtues should be done in our already existent daily life. Do we make the people already us happier and better, starting with our parents and family? Or do we add trouble to them? Do we diligently fulfill our responsibilities? These are the foundation for merit. If we neglect our basic responsibilities and instead go out looking for opportunities to do good deeds, then that's not real goodness, that's just being greedy for merit and praise, which is a sin. As our virtues improve, we will naturally attract bigger opportunities of more impact. We don't need to actively seek them or be impatient for them to come. What we should be afraid of is that big opportunities come, but we lack the virtues to handle them properly, resulting in sins instead of goodness. Thus, if we want to better our fate like Yanshan, the most important thing is to cultivate our virtues in everyday life. Conclusion Yanshan's story helped me realize the origin of worship rituals, which is a natural expression of gratitude and reverence. His story also illustrated many principles of karma, such as big karma versus small karma and flower retributions versus fruit retributions. We are fortunate to hear his story, and we need to cherish this fortune by emulating him and by diligently cultivating ourselves just like he did. Weekly Wisdom #391