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What do you really want? Do you believe in yourself, that you can accomplish anything you set your mind to? The question of self-confidence or self-belief really gets to the core of our being. Of course, the answer doesn't need to be a simple "yes" or "no", it would be more accurate to think on a scale from 0% to 100%. Most of us are probably not at 100%. At least, I'm certainly not. In that case, it is extremely important and highly worthwhile to move ourselves higher on the self-belief scale. Why? Because our beliefs determine our thoughts, our thoughts determine our actions, and our actions determine our life. If we don't believe we can succeed, we won't even try. If our belief is weak, then we will act with weak motivation, and then we give up in the face of the slightest difficulty. If we really believe we can do it, then we will act with resolute determination, and we will keep marching through all difficulties until we finally achieve our goal. Global leadership expert Sheila Murray Bethel said: "Of all the communication you do, none is more important than how you talk to yourself. Your internal confidence has more to do with your success in life than any other factor." Indeed, we probably won't find any highly successful person who says, "I'm not a very capable person. I didn't think I could achieve this. It just kind of happened by luck." Unfortunately, many of us have too much negative self-talk. According to the National Science Foundation, 80% of the average person's daily thoughts are negative. That means we have a lot more thoughts related to worry, doubt, and fear instead of belief, confidence, and determination. The big question is: How can we move higher on the self-belief scale? There isn't one right answer, but below are some methods I've found: Focus on innate potential Re-train your thoughts Re-select your values Icon Sources: 1 , 2 , 3 1: Know Your Innate Potential So many of us base our self-confidence based on impermanent things, such as wealth, status, intelligence, beauty, success, and other's opinions. The problem is, these things easily change, which means our self-confidence is shaky. If we can build our self-confidence based on something eternal, then we will have permanent self-confidence. What is that "something"? Ancient philosophers tell us that every person is born with the same innate potential. Put in modern scientific terms, we all have the same human DNA. Image Source The ancient Stoic emperor Marcus Aurelius said, "If it's humanly possible, you can do it too." Contemporary Stoic Ryan Holiday echoed the same idea when he said, "Don't forget, though, that you come from a long, unbroken line of ancestors who survived unimaginable adversity, difficulty, and struggle. It's their genes and their blood that run through your body right now… as their viable offspring, you're capable of what they are capable of. You're meant for this." Think of all the great heroes, past or present, that you admire. They are people just like us. If you research their life, you will find that they have problems and encountered difficulties just like us. In fact, they probably had even more difficulties than most people. But they were able to push through. If they can do it, so can we. Viktor E. Frankl went through hell in the Nazi concentration camps. Most of us probably won't go through anywhere near as much suffering or torture as he did. But he said, “Everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms—to choose one’s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one’s own way.” In other words, our ability to choose how we behave and respond to our circumstances can never be taken away from us, and that's the key to greatness. That is what we should build our confidence on. As long as we continue to believe in ourselves, we will persevere. And as long as we persevere, we will eventually break through. A great example is Thomas Edison. He failed a thousand times before he finally successfully invented the lightbulb. Another example is Bill Gates. His first company crumbled, and his first product demo didn't even work. He went on to create Microsoft. One more example is J.K. Rowling. When she wrote her first manuscript for Harry Potter, she was rejected by twelve publishers! She went on to create the Harry Potter empire. They are all human just like us. We will make mistakes and fail just like them. But just like them, we can achieve any goal as long as we believe in ourselves and never give up. 2: Re-Train Your Thoughts Marcus Aurelius also said, "The things you think about determine the quality of your mind. Your soul takes on the color of your thoughts." Ultimately, our thought patterns are a habit, and like any habit, they can be un-learned and re-trained. When we doubt ourselves, we have thoughts like, I can't do that. That's too hard for me. Other people can do that. I can't do that. I'm so dumb. I'm such a failure. We need to train ourselves to be sensitive to our thoughts, to catch these sinister thoughts, and then dispel them with proper thoughts. Liao Fan's Four Lessons goes into detail about habit change, and a great teaching from the book is, "When proper thoughts arise, improper thoughts will naturally be unable to pollute the mind." To give an analogy, our improper thoughts, such as self-doubt, are like thieves. They are in the wrong from the very beginning, so they don't dare to be tested in court. Our proper thoughts are like police. When the police arrive, all the thieves scramble to hide or run away. When we start to doubt ourselves, we can think: I can do anything I set my mind to, just like Thomas Edison. I might not succeed overnight, but I can definitely succeed through perseverance. Have I ever done anything challenging in the past? If I overcame difficulty before, I can do it again. People with human DNA have done harder things than this. I have human DNA too, I can definitely do it. It might be hard at the beginning, but my ability will increase with training. Even if I'm not as smart as I want to be right now, that doesn't mean I can't get smarter. I can start improving today. I'm not a failure, I'm a learner on a learning journey. No one is perfect. Everyone makes mistakes. Great people aren't those who don't make mistakes, they are those who learn and improve from their mistakes. Here some more Stoicism quotes for permanent self-confidence: "The trials you face will introduce you to your strengths." —Epictetus "A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials." —Seneca "Nothing important comes into being overnight; even grapes or figs need time to ripen." —Epictetus "Devote the rest of your life to making progress." —Epictetus "It does not matter what you bear, but how you bear it." —Seneca As with any new habit, at the beginning, it takes a lot of effort to re-train our thoughts, but slowly and surely, it will become more natural. One day, we will suddenly notice that our self-confidence is a lot more than before. 3: Re-Select Your Values As mentioned earlier, so many of us base our self-confidence and self-esteem based on external things, such as wealth, status, intelligence, beauty, success, and other's opinions. These things are all subject to change and outside of our control. When we heavily value these things, we are setting ourselves up for disappointment in the future, and we will lose self-esteem. If we want a healthy mindset, what should we value then? Marcus Aurelius said, "Life is short—the fruit of this life is a good character and acts for the common good." In other words, we should value self-improvement and kindness. Socrates said, "Just as one person delights in improving his farm, and another his horse, so I delight in attending to my own improvement day by day." When we value self-improvement, we will be humble and try to learn from every experience. Whereas others will feel dejected in the face of difficulty, a humble person will learn and improve from it. When we learn and improve from every situation, we will gain more confidence, and we no longer fear "unfavorable" circumstances because we can grow from them. What a very delightful way to live! Confucius expressed the same idea when he said, "Walking among two people, I find my teacher among them. I choose that which is good in them and follow it, and that which is bad and change it." In other words, a humble person sees everyone as their teacher. If we see people's good points, we don't need to feel dejected, envious, or inferior. After all, everyone has their unique strengths, including ourselves. We should be happy to encounter them and learn from their good points. When we encounter people's bad points, we shouldn't feel arrogant or blame them, because everyone has their weaknesses, including ourselves. We should reflect on whether we have the same problem (most likely yes) and how we can correct it in ourselves. With this kind of attitude, we won't be self-depreciating nor arrogant, which means our self-confidence won't be hurt by anyone. Moreover, as we improve with every interaction, our self-confidence grows too. The second virtue that Marcus Aurelius mentioned is kindness. Kindness dampens ego. The ego is very polar. It either makes us arrogant (I'm way better than others) or self-deprecating (I'm the worst). When we value kindness, we shift our attention from the self to others. Rather than thinking so much about our desires and worries, we think about how to help others be happy, thereby forgetting "I". As Seneca said, "Wherever there is a human being, there is an opportunity for kindness." With this kind of attitude, we won't think so much about "I" or how others are thinking about "me". When we then act on our kind thoughts and help others, we gain the joy of helping others and the joy of making a positive difference in the world. These are all helpful for our self-confidence. My Experience Epictetus said, "Who then is invincible? The one who cannot be upset by anything outside their reasoned choice." That is something I want. Thus, I need to stop being a slave to emotions like desire and anger. I've studied great philosophers of the past and know that it's definitely possible, but I'm still far from it. When I do something dumb due to desire or get upset, sometimes, I feel like it's too hard to master my own emotions. But the important thing for me is to remember patience. These habits don't get corrected in one day…or one month…or one year…It takes years and years of perseverance. I'm sure past heroes didn't master their emotions in a day. They dedicated their whole lives to it, so I shouldn't rush. It's no wonder Epictetus said " Devote the rest of your life to making progress. " He must have done the same himself. If he can do it, I can do it too. Even though my cultivation has ups and downs, as long as I get back up after my falls, I can maintain a positive trend, and that's what I should judge myself on. I remember my mentor once said, " I'm not that capable or smart. I often trip and fall. The only reason I got to the (high) position I am in right now is because every time I fall, after I lick my wounds, I get back up and keep on going. Lots of more capable and intelligent people started on this path before me. But they all gave up. So the only people left are the less capable and less intelligent people like me. " Obviously, my mentor is very humble, but from his statement, I also see that he doesn't base his self-confidence on impermanent things like intelligence or ability. Instead, he bases his self-confidence on his decision to always get back up after each fall, and that's something we can all do. Conclusion What do you really want? Do you believe you can attain it? Our beliefs determine our thoughts, our thoughts determine our actions, and our actions determine our life. If we want a happy and successful life, we have to put in effort to improve our self-confidence. To do that, we can first remind ourselves that we have the same DNA as all the great heroes of the past and present. If they can do it, so can I, as long as I persevere. Second, we can re-train our thoughts by using proper thoughts to dispel improper thoughts. Third, we can re-select our values. Rather than valuing external things, we can choose to value self-improvement and kindness. As our self-confidence grows, so too will our happiness and success. Weekly Wisdom #262

Have you ever encountered a situation where what people say doesn't match what's written down? I have recently, and I've reflected on how we should handle these situations.   Situation 1: Flight Baggage Recently, I booked a round-trip flight from Toronto to Vancouver. There were five of us, and we ordered 3 check-in luggages, and each person had one personal item (basically a backpack or bag) to bring onto the plane. On the first flight from Toronto to Vancouver, one person brought both a backpack and a tote bag, and it was fine, so we assumed that the tote bag doesn't count.   On the way back, we had quite a lot more luggage, so each person decided to carry a tote bag. When we were checking in, we even got luggage tags for both our backpacks and tote bags from the staff member, so we assumed that it's fine. Image Source: GPT But once we were about to board the plane, the staff member told us we only paid for one personal item each, and we need to pay extra for the 5 tote bags. I asked how much it would be, and it's quite a lot, about 20% of a flight ticket for one tote bag.   What would you do if you were me?   …   I first explained, "The staff member back at the check-in counter gave us the luggage tags, so we assumed that our bags are fine. If it's not fine, the staff member back then should have told us, and we would've adjusted our luggage back there."   The staff member at the gate replied, "I don't know what happened back there, but I am going with what your ticket information says."   She then said that the plane is about to leave, and that if we don't board in the next minute, we will miss this flight. It was almost midnight, and we were all tired, so we decided to just pay the extra fees.   Is it unfair? Arguably. Did I get upset? A little. But as a cultivator and philosopher, I need to use what I learn to calm myself.   Mencius said, "When things do go according to your wishes, reflect on yourself (for the cause)." Icon Source   Ultimately, the root of the problem lies in myself. When what the staff member at the check-in counter said didn't match what the ticket said, I shouldn't so easily believe the person. I should have double checked and asked, "But the ticket says only one personal item per person. Do these tote bags not count?" My guess is that the staff member didn't check our ticket information carefully and just assumed we had both a carry-on luggage and a personal item.   As for why one of us was able to bring an extra tote bag onto the plane on the first flight, I guess that was just random "luck". But getting lucky once becomes bad luck when we assume it will be repeated.   So the biggest lesson I learned is this: Only I am responsible for checking the rules, and when what others say don't match the written rules, always check.   Did I file a complaint? Yes, but the goal wasn't not to vent anger, it was to tell them that they should train their check-in staff better to prevent other customers from being misled. The customer service rep apologized for the bad service, and my case was recorded. In this way, I've done my part to help others hopefully not encounter the same problem I did.   The other thing that came to mind is something my mentor told me before: "Ultimately, a problem that can be solved with money is not that big of a problem."   Sure, it's not pleasant to have to pay so much for an extra tote bag, but it's not that  big of a deal in the grand scheme of things, so I shouldn't dwell on it. We reflect and learn from each mistake, and then we move on.   Situation 2: Washroom Sign I also thought about if there's ever a situation where we should listen to what people say instead of what's written. I think yes, but we'd have to get confirmation from a credible person, and we should also ask them to make a written or oral announcement so that everyone knows; Otherwise, other people may think we are breaking the rules.   For example, recently at my school, a lot of people from the general public came for an event. There was a door that said "Staff Washroom" on it. Some people didn't ask and just used it even though they aren't school staff. The thing is, when one person does this, other people will see, and lots of people will assume it's open to the general public and use it. This is not the appropriate or cautious thing to do.   If I were a member of the general public, I would ask a staff member if I'm allowed to use the staff washroom. If they said yes, I would ask them to post a sign saying "Members of the event allowed" or make an announcement to all the people there. Otherwise, it's possible that the message wouldn't spread, and other people might think I'm breaking the rules.   If they said no, I would let them know that I saw other people use it. This way they can respond appropriately, maybe by posting another sign saying "general public not allowed" or changing their decision to allow the general public to use it.   Situation 3: Meeting End Time Another situation I thought of is when everyone is always late. For example, if we have a weekly meeting that's supposed to be from 4:00 to 5:00, but in reality, it usually ends at 5:30, what do we pay attention to? In this case, I would expect the meeting to end at the time it usually ends, which is 5:30. This is from the perspective of being a participant. I shouldn't get upset that they are "late" because past experience tells me it's normal for them to end late. Moreover, I should bring up the matter to the leader of the meeting and suggest changing the written time to be 4:00 to 5:30. This way, we are promoting a culture of trustworthiness, and people won't doubt the leaders' words.   Image Source: Unsplash If I were in charge of running the meeting, then I would check with the participants at 5:00 if it's OK with everyone to end the meeting late, and if anyone has anything urgent to do, they can leave early and just read the meeting notes later. If we frequently run overtime, I would discuss with the participants: "Should we agree to change the meeting time to be 4:00 to 5:30 instead? Or should we change anything to run the meeting more smoothly?" This is showing respect to them and taking my own trustworthiness seriously.   Situation 4: Job Performance One more example I thought of is a story that one of my teachers shared. Basically, a person was getting emails from his manager saying that his performance was mediocre, and when he asked about it to his manager, the manager said he's fine. The manager sent multiple emails, and he asked multiple times. Each time, the manager said he's fine. He was quite confused, and when he asked my teacher about it, he told him, "You do realize your manager is trying to find a legal way to fire you, right?"   So what would you do if you were in this person's situation?   …   There isn't one correct answer, but I might send an email back to the manager saying, "Thank you for the conversation today. I now know it was a misunderstanding and that you are happy with my performance in terms of X and Y, and I will continue to work hard in those areas. If you ever have any feedback, please let me know and I will work hard to improve."   Conclusion When what others' wrote down do not match what they say, it's important to double check with someone credible. It's possible that they made a mistake (like with my flight situation), or they have ulterior motives (like that manager), or they didn't realize that the written message needs to be changed (like the washroom situation). Image Source: GPT   If we choose to listen to someone's words instead of what's written, then we  are taking a risk, and only we  will bear the consequences of that risk. To deal with such risk, we should ask the person in charge to change what's written so that everyone knows the new rules. If we are the person in charge, then it's very important to match our words and actions with what's written. Otherwise, people will eventually lose trust in us. Weekly Wisdom #376

2025 has just finished, and like many people, I am reflecting on my major learnings from the past year. In 2025, I had four major learnings: Propriety/Etiquette Attachment and Letting Go Be an actor not a reactor Meditation is worth it   Image created via Canva 1: Propriety/Etiquette Most people are familiar with the term "etiquette", but less are familiar with the term "propriety". Etiquette refers to the rules of polite behavior, such as saying "please" and "thank you", holding the door open for others, not interrupting others, etc. Propriety is a broader term that not only includes the matters of etiquette, but also the state of being appropriate or suitable. For example, when giving a gift, we have to make sure the timing and value of the gift are appropriate. Therefore, I prefer the term "propriety" over "etiquette".   Confucius once said, "If one does not learn propriety, one will not be able to establish oneself in society."   After all, no one likes a rude and selfish person. We live in an interdependent society, so if someone is disliked by lots of people, they won't be able to establish a footing for themselves in society. One could argue that propriety is the foundation of Confucianism.   All the ancient philosophers teach us to cultivate virtues like kindness and respect. These are principles, but principles need to be integrated with matters, and the rules of etiquette are the starting point. We can cultivate our kindness and respect by practicing etiquette such as When others are talking to us, look at them with full attention. Aim to arrive 10 minutes early. You'll never know if you'll get delayed, and arriving late seems like you don't respect other people's time. If others are late, tell them "It's no rush. Take your time." When sneezing, sneeze into your elbow, not hands, and say excuse me. Don't speak loudly in quiet places. Don't disturb others when they're busy or in a bad mood. Knock before entering someone else's room. Respect other people's space. When people call you or message you, try to respond promptly. Don't make others wait too long. When standing or talking with others, don't block doors or paths. When walking in a crowded place, don't stare at your phone because you'll walk slowly and block other people.   These are just a few examples, and I listed many more in my previous post on etiquette . These matters are extremely common in daily life, so practicing etiquette is key to cultivating our virtues.   I also wrote quite a few stories on Yanzi, who was a master of propriety and highly respected by Confucius. How Yanzi Made His Ruler Look Good How Yanzi Diffused His Ruler's Anger How Yanzi Graciously Refused His Ruler How Yanzi Humiliated His Humiliator   Also, in the later half of 2025, I started translating a Chinese text called 常禮舉要 or The Essentials on Common Propriety . I have finished translating the text, but I am still studying a lecture series on the text, and I plan to write some articles on it in the future.   2: Attachment and Letting Go The concept of attachment and letting go is absolutely critical and foundation to Buddhism, and it took me many years to understand the concept well enough to be able to communicate it in a blog article. If we want to be at peace, relaxed, and wise like the Buddha, we need to let go of attachments.   Basically, attachment is a strong desire for anything, such that if we can't get it, we become unhappy. Attachment includes a strong desire to not have something as well. Attachment is analogous to gripping tightly onto something. It causes our mind to be tense and stressed. Letting go is to loosen that grip. You can still hold the thing if needed, but you're also willing to let it go if needed. Icon Sources: 1 , 2 , 3   Understanding the concept of letting go is much easier than actually practicing it. For example, think of a food or person or matter that you really dislike. Can you make yourself not mind it? Or think of something that you really want. Can you make yourself not mind if you cannot get it? If so, then you've made yourself impervious to suffering, just like the Buddha!   In my article on Attachment and Letting Go , I explained five ways to help us practice letting go: See the truth Control the controllables and let go of the rest Embrace reality Practice selflessness Understand karma and accord with the conditions   Since I already explained in that article, I won't repeat here. What I will say is that detachment is like a muscle. The more we practice it, the better we become, and the rewards are very worthwhile.   3: Be an actor not a reactor This concept is core in the genre of western self-development. To quote Dr. Alan Zimmerman: "It's not so much what happens to you that matters. It's how you're conditioned to respond that makes all the difference."   I remember when I was a teenager, I read the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People , and the first habit is "be proactive", which is basically the same idea as "be an actor not a reactor".   Image Source: GPT This past year, I took a short workshop on this topic, and I shared my learnings in a series of blog posts: Be An Actor Not A Reactor Part 1: Inconveniences Be An Actor Not A Reactor Part 2: Negative People Be An Actor Not A Reactor Part 3: Negative Expectations Be An Actor Not A Reactor Part 4: Adversity   One of the stories that really stuck with me was how Dr. Zimmerman would tell her negative daughter in the morning, "Shelly! Something good is going to happen to you! Tell me what it is later." As time progressed, Shelly slowly started noticing the good things in her day, and she became more positive. As a teacher at school, I tried this with a negative student as well, and I noticed that his ability to notice good things has also improved after a couple months.   Another idea that I am still working on is to not catch other people's negative energy. Dr. Zimmerman says: "Perhaps there's someone that just really irks you. Rather than continue getting irked by them all the time, why not go to the bookstore and buy a book on coping with difficult people? Why not practice on them? You've got nothing to lose. An actor takes productive action, while a reactor merely complains." I already read books and took classes on dealing with difficult people, and I just need to keep practicing.   4: Meditation is worth it My first article of 2025 was Meditation is Worth It . In that article, I talked about how meditation is analogous to sharpening a tool (which allows us to do things better) or cleaning a mirror (which allows us to see better). Since we use the mind for everything, meditation improves our lives from the root.   There's a Zen saying that goes, “You should sit in meditation for 20 minutes a day. Unless you're too busy, then you should sit for an hour.”   When it comes to Zen sayings, it's important to not get stuck on the words and instead comprehend the meaning behind it. In this case, it's saying that if you are so busy that you cannot set aside 20 minutes to calm down and relax, then chances are, your mind is extremely agitated and messy, in which case you'd need to spend a lot more time "cleaning" and meditating to return to a state of peace and calm.   Image Source: GPT I have persisted with daily visualization and mantra meditation for over a year now. My visualization meditation helps me to have more vigilance towards matters that would normally upset me, so I don't get upset as often or as strongly.   My meditation in the morning helps me to see how calm my state of mind is that day. If there are a lot of wandering thoughts, I try to meditate for longer if possible since the goal is to calm the mind and bring that calmness into the rest of my day. As a bonus, I will sometimes remember important things or have insightful ideas during meditation (not on purpose; it just pops up).   Usually, I do 30 minutes of visualization and 10 minutes of mantra meditation. I've noticed that I've become a lot better at staying calm and focused for the 10 minutes of mantra meditation. I remember in the past, when I first started doing mantra meditation, a 30 minute session felt so long because my mind was full of wandering thoughts. Recently, when I tried 20 minutes and then 30 minutes, I noticed that it's a lot easier for me to stay focused for those longer durations. It's quite a delightful feeling to be able to control the mind rather than being dragged in all different directions by wandering thoughts.   Conclusion 2025 seemed to be a year of attending to the foundation, whether that be propriety (foundation of Confucianism), detachment (foundation of Buddhism), or mindset (foundation of western self-development). When the foundation is strong, everything else can flourish. I am still building my foundation, so I need to keep working hard in 2026! Weekly Wisdom #375

I recently read this news article  about a sign that a coffee shop in Richmond posted outside their shop. The coffee shop is called CUPS Coffee & Tea, and the sign reads: "Small coffee $5.00. Small coffee, please $3.00. Hello, one small coffee please $1.75."   Image Source   Austin Simmons, the employee who wrote the sign, said, "I decided because I need to solve all the injustices of the world to start charging more for people who didn't take the time to say hello and connect and realize we're all people behind the counter,"   He wrote the sign on Sunday, and by Monday, it was in a newspaper in England. This sign applies not just to a cup of coffee, but to all requests. If we have good etiquette, people would be happy to help us; bad etiquette, and people would be reluctant.   Although the sign might be a joke, like many jokes, there is often some truth behind it. The fact that this picture got picked up by the press and became viral on Reddit means that it really struck a chord with people. In other words, people inherently and naturally value politeness and etiquette.   As a teacher at a summer camp, I encounter some rude and naughty children. People are naturally less fond of impolite children. Yet when these exact same children suddenly say something polite like "good morning teacher" or do something polite like share their snacks, we suddenly like them more and have more faith in their future.   Confucius said, "If one does not learn etiquette, one will be unable to establish oneself in society."   Society is founded on interpersonal relationships, and our etiquette is reflected in every interpersonal interaction. If we have good etiquette, we would naturally have good relationships with others and be welcomed by all. If we have excellent etiquette, we might even touch others' hearts and earn their devotion. On the other hand, if we have poor etiquette, we are bound to have many interpersonal conflicts, and we might offend others without even realizing it. As a result, others might dislike us and distance away from us, or worse, be angry at us and seek to harm us. Moreover, we tend to neglect etiquette more with the people closest to us, such as our family members, which is also a reason why people tend to have more conflicts with family members.   For example, I was chatting with a friend in his room the other night, and he remembered that he needed to call his girlfriend to tell her something. When he picked up the phone, he got straight to the topic. After he hung up, I advised him that it might be better if he first said, "Hey are you free right now? I need to tell you something. This would make her feel more respected."   Etiquette like this might seem like a small thing, but small things happen frequently in daily life, which means the impact of small things add up quickly over time to become a big thing. Below are some more examples.   General When asking for something, say please. When others help you, say thank you. After waking up, say good morning to those you live with. Before going to bed, say good night to those you live with. Before going out, let the people in your house know. After coming back, let them know. Wear clothing that is suitable for the occasion. Check that your clothing is worn properly (e.g., buttons, zippers, etc.). Before going out, make sure you are clean and tidy. Have good hygiene. Aim to arrive 10 minutes early. You'll never know if you'll get delayed, and arriving late seems like you don't respect other people's time. If others are late, tell them "It's no rush. Take your time." When sneezing, sneeze into your elbow, not hands, and say excuse me. Walk behind elders. When there's a door, go ahead to open the door for them. When elders call you to help them, go promptly. When you're done, leave slowly. If you leave really quickly, it feels like you're very eager to leave, as if you're unhappy to help them. Don't speak loudly in quiet places. Don't disturb others when they're busy or in a bad mood. Knock before entering someone else's room. Respect other people's space. When people call you or message you, try to respond promptly. Don't make others wait too long. When standing or talking with others, don't block doors or paths. When walking in a crowded place, don't stare at your phone because you'll walk slowly and block other people. If others do us a big favor, give a gift as a token of appreciation. If you borrow something, try to return it in the same condition or better. If you make a mess, promptly clean it up yourself. Don't leave it for someone else. If you see someone struggling (e.g., elderly, parents with strollers), offer to help. Give up your seat on public transit for those who need it more. Give holiday greetings to people whom you may not contact frequently but have helped you a lot in the past. It's a way to show you still remember them.   Conversation When others share bad news with you, don't talk about your good news and vice versa. Don't brag or boast about yourself. Be humble. When others are speaking, look at them and listen attentively. Don't look at your phone, and don't interrupt. In front of others, speak about others' good points, not bad points, and don't gossip. If you need to advise others on their weaknesses, do so in private. Most people need encouragement not criticism. If we need to give criticism, make sure it's in private and do so with a caring attitude. Also, give some praise first before giving constructive criticism. When speaking, make sure your pace and volume are suitable for the listener. When calling others, first ask if they're free to talk. Don't assume they are free just because they picked up the phone. Or even better, schedule the call beforehand. Don't dominate conversations. Respect different opinions. If you disagree, do so respectfully and try to be understanding. Apologize sincerely when you’ve hurt or inconvenienced someone.   Work Be professional at work. Be mindful of your language, behavior, and conversation topics. Start with a bit of chit chat before talking about business. Show consideration and interest in their life. Avoid calling or messaging others late at night when they are about to rest or right before work ends. For emails, you can use an email scheduler to send it during work hours. Keep your workspace tidy. It reflects your professionalism. Respect deadlines and others’ time. Don’t procrastinate on team tasks. Give credit where it’s due. Acknowledge others’ contributions. If you’re running late or need to cancel a meeting, inform others as early as possible. Avoid speaking negatively about colleagues or gossiping.   Dining Don't eat and talk at the same time. Chew with your mouth closed. If there's an elder (e.g., parents, grandparents, managers, etc.) at the table, try to eat at the same pace as them. If you eat too fast, they may feel pressured to eat faster. If you eat too slow, they have to wait for you. For shareable dishes, offer others to get some first. Don't take the biggest piece yourself first. Use the communal utensils. After a meal at a restaurant, try to clean up the table a bit to reduce the work for the restaurant staff. Say thank you before leaving. If with elders, let elders go first. For example, let elders take the first bite, wait for them to get up before you get up, wait for them to sit down before you sit down. Wait until everyone's food has arrived before eating. Some places like to split the bill; others like to take turns treating. Follow the local custom.   Travel When traveling, respect and follow the local customs and culture. If friends visit from afar, take them out for a meal. When visiting friends from afar, bring a gift. When staying in other people's homes or even hotels, try to leave the place as clean and tidy as when you entered. When staying at someone's home, ask how long is convenient for them. Avoid overstaying. Send a thank-you message or note after staying at a friend's place. Don't snoop through other people's personal belongings or enter closed rooms without permission.   Some of this etiquette might seem like common sense to a lot of us, but not everyone has learned it (or at least they don't realize the importance of it), so it's important for us to be tolerant to others rather than getting judgmental and upset. If we want others to learn it, the best way is to role model it ourselves. When they see good role models time and time again, they will naturally emulate.   These are just some examples that we often encounter, but it's by no means an exhaustive list. We just need to remember that the essence of etiquette is consideration and respect for others, and the goal is to make others feel comfortable.   Also, rules of etiquette differ by culture, so it's very important to understand the culture that you are in. For example, in the west, people like to split the bill, but in the east, people like to take turns paying for the entire bill. There isn't a right or wrong, just different customs.   Ultimately, when we have good etiquette, we will naturally have good relationships and be welcomed by people everywhere. On the contrary, if we have poor etiquette, people will dislike us and won't want to associate with us. Moreover, good relationships are a big source of happiness, while relationship conflicts are a major cause of suffering. Thus, we can see that these small matters of etiquette are truly important.   Conclusion As the saying goes, "Manners maketh man." Image Source Although the coffee sign shop might be a joke, there is deep wisdom behind it. If we want to solve the problems of the world and make the world a better place, a foundational place to start is to promote good etiquette, starting with our own role modeling. If you have any other items of etiquette that you want to share, feel free to do so in the comments. Weekly Wisdom #349

Previously, I wrote about Mencius's theory on why human nature is good . His main idea is that all people have innate and natural feelings of Compassion (towards those suffering) Modesty (when over-praised) Right and wrong (an inner conscience) Shame (when doing wrong as deemed by the inner conscience) Icon Sources: 1 , 2 , 3 , 4   Mencius calls these "the four sprouts" because they need nurturing to become a strong motive force. If we neglect these four sprouts, and instead nurture weeds like ego and anger, then of course, those weeds will grow. However, the four sprouts will always be there and will never completely perish. Even someone with big weeds can still choose to nurture the four sprouts and "revive" their innate goodness.   Understanding this idea is very important. When we truly believe that all humans have the potential for goodness, and that they just need us to water those four sprouts, we will treat people differently, which will then create results different as night and day in our relationships. Last time, I wrote a story about Carol, who likes to be a bad girl, but ultimately still has inner goodness and doesn't want to hurt others' feelings. This time, I have another story about trust.   Story Since there's a big event coming up, we were doing school-wide cleaning every day this week. I was tasked with assigning which student does which cleaning job. Most of the students were tasked with cleaning their own classrooms with their homeroom teacher. I felt there were two students who were very reliable, so I assigned them to the hardest job: cleaning the reception hall with another teacher.   The second most important job is probably sweeping and mopping the common areas. I picked two students who I felt were decently reliable, and since there were no more very reliable students left, I picked John, who is a strong 7-year old boy with lots of energy. If he's in a good mood, he's reliable, but if he's in a bad mood, then no one can get him to do anything, not even the principal or his parents. I felt that at worst, if he is in a bad mood, at least the other two students could get the job done.   When it came time for cleaning, another teacher needed to talk to those two decently reliable students, so it was just me and John. John already went to get the big mop. I said, "John, why did you get that mop? That's for adults. You should get the student mop."   He said, "I want to use this one."   I decided to not argue. The fact that he is willing to mop is already a blessing.   I said, "Alright, fine. Since the other two students will be late, I will start sweeping first, and you can mop the areas I've swept."   I first swept one area, and John mopped it. I then swept the library area, and I asked John to mop it while I swept another area. A few minutes later, I saw John lying down on a library bench reading a book. I came over and said, "What are you doing? I thought you were mopping. Why are you reading?"   He didn't look at me and just continued reading his book.   I said, "John, when the teacher is talking to you, who do you look at?"   He got annoyed and said, "I don't want to mop anymore. It's boring."   I told him, "John, do you know why I chose you to mop with me? It's because I thought I could trust you. Do you know what trust means? It means that if I give you a task, I trust that you can do it. It means that if you say you will do something, you will definitely do it. If you want to tell me, 'Sorry, you cannot trust me,' then fine, you can go wait in the office, and I'll find someone I can trust to help me mop the floors."   Image Source: GPT He then let out an unhappy grunt, reluctantly got off the bench, and started mopping with a lot of force. I continued sweeping, and he collaborated with me until we finished all the work. In one of the rooms, the floors had some black marks, and I told him to re-mop those areas multiple times. He actually listened with any complaint. Normally, he likes to rush his cleaning job and run away to play without asking me to check his work. But today, he patiently stayed with me until the very end, until I said we are done.   Commentary John is notorious for his stubbornness and self-centeredness. When he doesn't want to do something, no one can do anything about it. I've talked about this with his parents, and they said he's the same at home, and they really struggle with that.   But John still has an innate sense of right and wrong, as well as a sense of shame. When I told him, "I picked you for this job because I thought I could trust you, but it seems like I was wrong," he felt bad. It's human nature to want to be someone worthy of others' trust, to not want to let others down.   Although his weeds of self-centeredness are strong, my words awakened his good sprouts, and he became very motivated and responsible afterwards. Later, I told him that I was very happy to see him so motivated and very impressed to see him do his job so thoroughly. This is watering his good sprouts.   One thing with goodness is that we shouldn't force others to be good. That's like pulling on the sprouts to make them grow. It would only kill the sprouts. Instead, we need to awaken their goodness naturally. To do that, we have to have trust in them, to be willing to have our feelings hurt when they violate our trust, and then sincerely tell them that they hurt our feelings.   If I had said to John, "Stop reading books and go finish your mopping job now. You are supposed to be trustworthy," then John would probably rebel. But I was truly disappointed in him, and I was truly ready to find someone else to replace him. That's what awakened his sense of shame.   Of course, bad habits don't disappear suddenly, and I'm sure he'll still have those stubborn moments in the future, but his good sprouts will always be there, and we can use these conflicts to water those good sprouts.   Concluding Thoughts Do you show others trust or doubt? Do you force goodness out of others or awaken it?

A lesson on the basics of sleep and how to sleep better. Image Source: Unsplash We spend around a third of our lives sleeping, yet few people deeply understand sleep and how to optimize it. This article will explain the basics of sleep and give some advice for how we can improve our sleep. Why is sleep important? Before the 1950s, people thought sleep was a passive activity where the brain and body shut off. Now, we know that sleep is a very active process. During the regular course of our day, our cells are constantly going through chemical activity and producing waste. During sleep, that waste gets cleaned out from our brain and body. Sleep is also when our brain consolidates memories, and our body grows and repairs itself. Sleep is also a way for the body to fight illnesses. For example, when we catch the flu, we naturally get sleepy. That’s because our immune system produces sleep-inducing chemicals while fighting an infection. Sleeping helps the body conserve energy and focus on fighting off the infection. What happens during sleep? When we sleep, we cycle through five stages: Drowsy Light sleep Moderate sleep Deep sleep REM sleep Image Source In stage 1, we feel drowsy , and we kind of drift in and out of sleep, and it’s easy to get awoken in this stage. Our eyes move very slowly, and muscle activity slows down. In stage 2, we enter light sleep . Our eye movements stop and our brain waves become slower. This lasts around 30 minutes. In stage 3, we enter moderate sleep . Our brain produce very slow waves called delta waves, with occasional smaller and faster waves. By stage 4, deep sleep, our brain produces only delta waves. There is also no eye movement or muscle activity. It is very difficult to wake up people during stages 3 and 4. If they get woken up, they will feel very groggy and disoriented. In stage 5, REM sleep , our eyes jerk rapidly in many directions, our breathing becomes rapid and irregular, and our muscles become temporarily paralyzed. This is also when dreams happen. The first REM sleep period usually starts around 70-90 after we fall asleep, and a complete sleep cycle takes 90 to 110 minutes. As the night progresses, our time spent in REM increases and the time in deep sleep decreases. By morning, people spend almost all their sleep time in stages 1, 2, and REM. How much sleep do we need? How much sleep we need depends on many factors, with a big one being age. According to an article from the American Sleep Association, most adults do best with 7 to 8 hours of sleep, while teenagers need 9 hours on average. Image Source If we get too little sleep, then we create sleep debt , which is like overdrawing money from a bank. Eventually, the body will demand that the debt be repaid, so we end up sleeping a lot more than usual. Sleep Deprivation Sleep deprivation is when we don’t get enough sleep, which affects our thinking clarity, reaction time, and muscle coordination. Studies show that sleep deprivation is very dangerous. People who are sleep deprived perform hand-eye coordination tasks as badly or worse than drunk people. Therefore, it is very important to not drive while sleepy. Long-term sleep deprivation will weaken the immune system, which makes it easier for us to get ill. Sleep deprivation is a big problem in our modern society. According to a 2019 Healthline article , 73% of teens don’t get enough sleep, which can make them moody, tired, and even depressed. A 2016 article from the Center for Disease Control (CDC) states that more than a third of American adults don’t get enough sleep on a regular basis. Moreover, sleeping less than 7 hours a night is associated with increased risk of chronic conditions like obesity, diabetes, high blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, and frequent mental distress. If you feel sleepy during the day, even during non-boring activities, then you are probably sleep deprived. Most people take 10-20 minutes to fall asleep, and falling asleep within minutes of lying down can be a sign of sleep deprivation. How to Improve Sleep There’s a lot of research out there about how to improve sleep, and this article will provide tips divided into four categories: evening routine activities, sleep environment, food and drink, and other sleep tips. Category 1: Evening Routine Activities Tip 1: Have an evening routine Many of us have a morning routine. When we wake up, our body knows what to do without our mind even needing to think. We can do the same for our evenings. Humans are creatures of habit. When we repeatedly do the same thing over and over again before bed, then we can train ourselves to get sleepy before bed. What can we do for our evening routine? We should do things that relax us and that do not involve electronic devices. For many young people nowadays, it's hard to imagine what to do if you can't look at your phone before bed. Actually, there are so many things we can do! We can do things like meditate, journal, take a warm shower or bath, comb your head, and massage ourselves. Tip 2: Avoid blue light from screens 60 minutes before bed. To emphasize again, avoid electronic devices before bed. Blue light keeps us awake and reduces the quality of our sleep. We also get stimulated from the activities we do on our devices, so we should stop using our devices 60 minutes before sleep. Image Source If you really have to use your device, then at least install a blue light blocker app like f.lux . On your phone, you can turn on night shift mode. Tip 3: Meditate One of the best ways to calm your mind is using meditation, which has been proven to lower stress and inflammation in our bodies. A simple and super effective way to get sleepy is to do deep breathing through your nose: breathe in for a count of 4, breathe out for a count of 8. Do this for 5 minutes and you will feel much more calm and sleepy. UCLA (University of California, Los Angeles) also offers free pre-sleep meditations that you can listen to before bed to help your mind and body relax. Tip 4: Journal Journaling helps us bring a conclusion to the day by noting down our thoughts and feelings towards the day. It also helps us trap any thoughts onto paper so that we don't need to think about it anymore at night. If you find yourself still thinking non-stop while lying in bed, you can get up and journal down your thoughts. Once they are on paper, you can always go back and reflect on them in the future. Another way to journal is to focus on gratitude. You can write down three things you are grateful for that happened today. Image Source Cultivating gratitude brings us peace and puts us in a happy mood before bed, which improves sleep. Tip 5: Take a warm shower or bath We can all relate to a shower or bath being very calming and relaxing. Not only does it make us feel clean physically, but it can also make use feel mentally cleansed afterwards. After taking a warm shower or bath, our body will get rid of the heat to make our body temperature drop. That helps makes us get sleepy. Tip 6: Comb your head In Traditional Chinese Medicine, combing your scalp (not hair) is said to stimulate all the acupuncture points on your head and improve qi (energy) flow there. The benefits include calming the mind and improving sleep. Do it 100 times or for 5 to 10 minutes daily. Tip 7: Massage ourselves In Traditional Chinese Medicine, there are many acupressure points we can massage ourselves to help improve sleep. Image Sources: 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 You can use your thumb or fingers to massage it clockwise 30 times and then counter-clockwise 30 times, or do it for a few minutes on each point. If a certain point hurts, it means there's a qi (energy) obstruction there. In that case, just apply however much pressure you can tolerate, and over time, the pain will reduce as the blockage reduces. Massaging acupoints might not show immediate effects on the first night. Usually after a week or two, painful acupoints will hurt less, which means that the qi is flowing better there, and then you should notice some results. Tip 8: Set an alarm to start your evening routine Often times, people are so busy at night that they lose track of time. If you want to sleep at 10, then you can set an alarm for 9. When the alarm goes off, you will remember to finish up what you’re doing and go start your evening routine. Category 2: Sleep Environment Tip 9: Use your bed only for sleep, not for electronic devices Many people watch TV in bed or play on their phones in bed during the day or even night. As a result, when they get into bed, they don’t feel like sleeping. Their body thinks it’s time to watch TV or play on the phone. Sleep exert Shawn Stevenson calls that "sleep suicide." Furthermore, even if you do fall asleep, these electronic devices emit radiation that disrupt sleep quality. If you must have your phone near your bed, make sure to put it onto airplane mode. Tip 10: Keep cool When we sleep, our body temperatures naturally drop. Studies show that the optimal temperature for sleep is around 20 degrees Celsius (68 Fahrenheit). Above 24°C (75°F) or below 12°C (54°F) will make it harder to sleep. Tip 11: Sleep in a completely dark room Humans have evolved to sleep better in a dark environment. Even small amounts of light make it harder for us to fall asleep. Well, it might be hard to get your room as dark as that, but the closer to it, the better for your sleep! Category 3: Food and Drink Tip 12: Stop caffeine by evening Caffeine is a stimulant drug that energizes us and makes it hard to sleep. Moreover, if we sleep with caffeine in our blood, the quality of our sleep is reduced. Image Source Caffeine is in coffee, tea, chocolate, sodas, and energy drinks. According to The American Academy of Sleep Medicine , caffeine has a half life of around 5 hours. That means if you drink a cup of coffee at noon, then half of that caffeine is still in your blood at 5PM, and a quarter of it is still in your blood by 10PM. The American Academy of Sleep Medicine recommends that people stop consuming caffeine at least 6 hours before bed. The earlier, the better. One study found that even consuming caffeine 6 hours before bedtime still reduced total sleep time by 1 hour. Tip 13: Eat a spoon of honey The Medical Medium explains that eating a teaspoon of raw honey can enhance sleep. Another option is to drink a cup of warm lemon honey water. Tip 14: Don’t be full Stop eating at least 2-3 hours before bed. It’s hard to sleep when our stomachs are full. Category 4: Other Sleep Tips Tip 15: Sleep at the right time In the book Sleep Smarter , author Shawn Stevenson explains that 10PM to 2AM “Money Time Sleep” because between those hours, humans get the most amount of restful recovery sleep. One hour of Money Time Sleep is worth twice as much as sleep outside those hours. The Medical Medium also calls 10PM to 2AM "The Sacred Sleep Window" because that's when your body does most of its healing. He says that if you can't fall asleep during this time, just lie down with your eyes closed and your body will still do some healing. If you have night shift work, then you can nap or lie down with your eyes closed between 10AM to 2PM to get the best healing. Ayurveda Medicine also views 10PM to 2AM as the most important sleep time, while Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) views 11PM to 3AM as the most important sleep time. If 10PM is too early for you to get to bed, at least try to follow TCM's advice! Tip 16: Wake up early Humans have evolved to rise with the sun. That will help you tune into the natural sleep pattern and feel sleepy earlier. If, for example, you currently sleep at midnight but you want to feel sleepy at 11PM, then try waking up an hour earlier than usual. That will make it easier for you to feel sleepy one hour earlier. Tip 17: Exercise during the day Exercising during the day helps people fall asleep more quickly and also improves sleep quality, but we shouldn't exercise too close to our bed time. That’s because exercise causes our body to release endorphins, which keeps the brain awake. It also raises the body’s temperature, which prevents sleepiness. Therefore, the latest we should exercise is a couple hours before bed. In terms of how much exercise we need to improve sleep, studies show that people who do 30 minutes of moderate exercise see improvements in sleep quality that same night! It doesn’t take weeks or months to see a benefit. The type of exercise isn’t too important. It could be aerobic exercise, strength, or yoga, the important thing is to get your heart rate up. That will create biological processes in the brain and body to result in better sleep. Conclusion People spend a lot of effort trying to improve their waking hours, and we should be doing the same for our sleeping hours. Getting adequate sleep, especially deep sleep, is key to maintain our physical and mental health. There are lots of tips in this article to aid sleep. If your sleep is not excellent, then why not try a few tips from this article? Sweet dreams!

A basic introduction to exercise. Image Source: Unsplash It’s common knowledge that exercise is important to a healthy lifestyle. Yet when it comes to exercising, most people just think of running, sports or lifting weights at the gym. Exercise is a lot broader than that. This article will explain the main types of exercise: Cardio Strength Flexibility and Mobility Balance and Coordination Then the article will end by talking about making an exercise plan and the importance of movement. Cardio Exercise Cardio (also called aerobic) exercise is any type of exercise that raises your heartbeat. Cardio strengthens our heart and lungs. Within cardio, there are many types of exercise based on heart rate and exertion. Steady state Circuit training Interval training HIIT (High Intensity Interval Training) Steady state exercise is when we keep a constant elevated heart rate for a set amount of time or distance. Examples include walking and jogging. Even everyday tasks like cleaning the house, walking the dog, or gardening can be steady state exercise. Interval training is when we exert a lot of effort for a set time, then rest for a set time, then repeat. In other words, we elevate our heart rate for a set time, then lower it for a set time, then repeat. An example is walking for 3 minutes, then jogging for 30 seconds, then repeat. Circuit training is when we loop a series of exercises in a circuit. These exercises can include both cardio and strength exercises. An example is starting with side-to-side hops, then side dumbbell raises, then lunges, then push-ups, then repeat. You can take short rest between the exercises, or do the whole circuit and then rest. HIIT is similar to interval training, except we really exert ourselves. An example is sprinting for 30 seconds, then walking for 15 seconds, then repeat a set number of times. Notice how it is a lot more intense than normal interval training. Strength Exercise Strength exercise (also called resistance training) requires a specific muscle to exert force. Strength exercise improves our strength, stamina, bone density, and sleep. It can also make many daily tasks easier, such as climbing stairs or carry groceries. There are many different ways to do strength exercise: Dumbbells : When carrying dumbbells, we can move freely and widely, so they are great for training and stabilizing muscles. Resistance bands: These bands provide progressive resistance, meaning the resistance becomes larger as you do a movement from start to finish. Exercise machines : These machines make it easy to adjust the weight and work out specific muscles. Body weight exercises : When you move in a way that uses your body weight against gravity. Examples include push-ups and pull-ups. Flexibility and Mobility Exercises Flexibility is reducing tightness in muscles, while mobility is increasing the range of motion a muscle has. For example, if you want to run faster, you need to be able to move your legs through their full range of motion, which is mobility. You also need your leg muscles to not be tight, which is flexibility. Flexibility and mobility exercises involve stretching muscles and tendons. Examples include static stretching, dynamic stretching, and yoga. Static stretching is when we stretch slowly into a final position, then we hold that position. An example is sitting with our legs out straight, then trying to touch our toes with our hands. Static stretching is best for helping muscle recover after a work-out. Dynamic stretching is when we move parts of the body through a range of motion while slowly increasing the range or speed. Examples include high knees and lunges with a twist. Yoga is often thought of as just static stretching, but yoga involves much more than that. Many forms of yoga combine static stretches with dynamic stretches, balance, and strength, which means yoga helps to build strength, mobility, and flexibility. A huge part of yoga is also slow and conscious breathing, which helps cultivate mental focus and peace, which is great for our mental health as well. Balance and Coordination Exercises Balance exercises can help us prevent falls and make everyday movements easier. There three types of balance exercises: Stationary balance : Doing alternating dumbbell curls or standing on one foot Motion balance : lunges, platform jumps Offset balance : single-arm side raise Coordination exercises help us use different parts of the body together smoothly and efficiently. Examples include driving a car, riding a bike catching a ball, or dribbling a basket ball. Many sports require good coordination. Explanation Video Most of the information above is nicely summarized in this video: Making an Exercise Schedule At this point, you’re probably wondering, “Which exercises should I do?” The answer depends on your goals. If you want to improve your energy and heart health or lose weight, then cardio would be good. But for losing weight, choosing a healthy diet is more important than burning calories via exercise. If you want to increase your strength or muscle mass, then strength training is best. If you have muscle tightness or pain, then flexibility and mobility exercises are best. If you are an athlete, then you probably need all four. You might also be wondering, “How much should I exercise?” Many people don’t exercise because they think they need to exercise a lot to get any benefits. But according to Dr. Rangan Chaterjee, even 5 minutes of exercise a day can have tremendous benefits. That’s why he wrote an entire book called “Feel Better in Five”, which lists many 5-minute workouts. They range from 5-minute strength circuits to 5-minute yoga. Here is a from Dr. Chaterjee's demonstrating a 5-minute workout: If you have the time to exercise 30 minutes a day or 3 hours a week, that’s obviously better. But if you don’t have that much time, then do 5 minutes a day; you’ll still get great health benefits. The Importance of Movement Dr. Dallas Hartwig explains that to have a healthy lifestyle, we need more movement, not just exercise. Exercise is a deliberate attempt to move our body in a specific way to achieve a specific goal. That goal might be to lose weight or to increase muscle or flexibility. Movement is just living; it’s being human in the world. In the past, humans had to move to find food, interact with people, get resources, and explore the world. Although exercise is beneficial, it is not all that matters. Most exercise is done in a fixed position in a 2-dimensional highly predictable way. For example, lifting a weight is just up and down, and the movement is predictable. Healthy movement is three-dimensional and unpredictable because that’s how the real world is. We can add in more movement into our lives in many simple ways: Taking stairs instead of the elevator Walk or bike instead of driving to nearby places like the grocery store or visiting a friend Carry groceries home rather than using a car Playing sports Dancing Conclusion Exercise is a lot more than just running or lifting weights at the gym. There are many types of exercise, including cardio, strength, flexibility and mobility, and balance and coordination. We cannot use lack of time as an excuse to not exercise. Even 5 minutes a day can have tremendous benefits! In addition to exercise, we should add more movement into our lives, such as walking, biking, and carrying backpacks. A healthy lifestyle involves both exercise and movement. Check Your Understanding Questions: What is cardio exercise? Explain the four types. What is strength exercise? Explain four ways to do it. What is the difference between flexibility and mobility? What is the difference between static stretching and dynamic stretching? What are balance exercises? Give some examples. What are coordination exercises? Give some examples. How much should people exercise to get health benefits? What’s the difference between exercise and movement?

Previously, I wrote about Mencius's theory on why human nature is good . His main idea is that all people have innate and natural feelings of Compassion (towards those suffering) Modesty (when over-praised) Right and wrong (an inner conscience) Shame (when doing wrong as deemed by the inner conscience)   Icon Sources: 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 Mencius calls these "the four sprouts" because they need nurturing to become a strong motive force. If we neglect these four sprouts, and instead nurture weeds like ego and anger, then of course, those weeds will grow. However, the four sprouts will always be there and will never completely perish. Even someone with big weeds can still choose to nurture the four sprouts and "revive" their innate goodness.   Understanding this idea is very important. When we truly believe that all humans have the potential for goodness, and that they just need us to water those four sprouts, we will treat people differently, which will then create results different as night and day in our relationships. I recently had an experience that confirmed Mencius's theory.   Story This past week at school, we were doing school-wide cleaning in preparation for a big event next week. I was leading a grade 3 class to clean their classroom. I first wrote on the whiteboard a list of things to do: wipe the tables, scrub the chairs, erase marks off the walls, sweep the floors, wipe the baseboards, mop the floors, wipe the windows, wipe the whiteboard.   I told them, "Today we have a big important mission! It's not going to be easy. We have to make this classroom spotless! Can you do it?" They said, "Yes!"   I said, "OK, I split the mission into different tasks. Everyone, pick your task."   The students all picked their own tasks. It felt like a good start because the kids were willing to do this mission and picked their own task. I didn't force them to do anything.   For the first 10 minutes, everyone was doing their job. Then one of the students, Carol, told me, "I don't want to wipe tables anymore. It's boring. Can I do something else?"   For context, Carol is known as a trouble student in the school who often doesn't listen to teachers. I told Carol, "You picked this job, so you have to make sure this job gets completed. If you want to do another job, then you have to find a classmate who is willing to swap with you."   Carol then asked some other classmates, but no one was willing to swap with her. She then told me, "No one wants to swap with me. But I want to scrub chairs. That looks more fun."   I said, "OK fine, but if you scrub chairs with Mary, then both of you need to wipe the tables afterwards."   They both agreed.   Later, Carol started disturbing others, putting soap water onto already clean tables, and throwing towels at others. The school rule is that teachers give two verbal warnings, and the third one results in a time-out. In the span of 10 minutes, I gave her two verbal warnings, and then finally a time-out.   When I gave the time-out, it was near the end of school, so I said, "Time's up! Everyone except Carol, line up. I will take you out to the front door. Carol, you stay in the classroom and wait. I will tell your dad that you will come out late because you have a time-out."   Carol said, "Please don’t tell my dad! If you tell him, he’ll tell my mom, and then…” She started tearing up. When I saw this, I thought it was a good teaching opportunity to let her know that this is how she makes us teachers feel when she doesn't listen to us.   I said, “I know you’re upset right now, but have you ever thought that when I told you to not disturb others, to not throw towels around, and then you laugh it off like a joke, that you hurt my feelings?"   She said, "I'm sorry…"   Image Source: GPT I said, "What use is it to say sorry now? It's like if I use this push pin to poke a hole into this paper, when I pull it out, what's left? There's a hole. When you hurt my feelings, and then you say sorry after, there's still a hole. What can you do about it? How can you make it up? You think about it in the classroom. I'm going to take the other students out first."   After a few minutes, she came out on her own to find me. I was surprised, and I almost wanted to say, "Didn't I tell you to wait in the classroom?" But I saw on her face that she looked very apologetic, so I didn't say anything.   She said to me, "I know what I did was wrong, and I am really sorry for hurting your feelings. I promise I won't do it again. Please don't tell my dad."   I then replied, "OK. I know you didn't truly mean to hurt my feelings. I forgive you this time, and I won't tell your dad. But you have to pinky promise to me that you will remember: not listening to the teacher will hurt our feelings. OK?" We then did a pinky promise, and I let her leave.   Commentary I was quite surprised that Carol came out of the classroom by herself and apologized so sincerely. Just earlier that day, I saw Carol standing outside the classroom because she had a time-out by another teacher, and on her hand she wrote "Bad", and her face looked angry.   I asked her, "Why do you have 'Bad' written on your hand?"   She said, "Because I'm a bad girl."   I said, "I don't think so. How about we erase that?"   She said, "No."   I then left her alone. Most people at school would think of Carol as self-centered, only wanting to play, hates being bored, and likes to imitate Kuromi (a cute, bad-girl version of Hello Kitty). Apparently, she used to be nice in the past, but after she got obsessed with Kuromi, she became a bad girl.   I think Carol is a prime example of how people have innate goodness, but if we neglect those good sprouts and instead water the weeds (in this case, she got obsessed with Kuromi), then they become bad. Aside from Kuromi, her parents also told me that they set a bad role model at home because they will fight and scream, so the kids probably learned that from them.   But despite all of these negative influences, her good sprouts are always there and can still be watered. If I had just said, "You're misbehaving. This is your third time. You have a time-out," that's not exactly watering her good sprouts. That's just reinforcing her idea that she's a bad girl.   But when I told her, "I know you feel very upset right now, but did you know that this is how you make me feel when you don't listen to me?" Suddenly, her sense of morality arises. Deep down, she doesn't want to hurt my feelings. (This is also because I try to be nice to her, and I often help her to open her lunch container or do cleaning, so she feels bad for hurting my feelings.)   Deep down, she has a sense of right and wrong, and she knows it's wrong to hurt the feelings of a teacher who is nice to her, so she naturally felt remorse. That's her innate goodness. When I said, "OK, I know you didn't mean to hurt my feelings, and I forgive you. Promise me that you won't do it again," that's watering her good sprouts.   Of course, her bad habits have already grown, and changing those bad habits isn't easy. I wouldn't be surprised if she doesn't listen to teachers and gets more time-outs in the future, but we don't have to view these events as "bad" or dread them. Rather, they are learning opportunities to help her water good sprouts and slowly starve the weeds. With time and persistence, her good sprouts can become stronger than the weeds.   Concluding Thoughts When others do bad things, do we water their good sprouts or their weeds? What about for ourselves? Weekly Wisdom #373

Image Source: Unsplash In June 2013, Ray Dalio found out from his physician at John Hopkins Hospital that he has a disease called Barret’s esophagus with high-grade dysplasia. Basically, that means he has early-stage cancer in his esophagus (throat). If it develops into real cancer (about 15% chance), then they would have to remove his esophagus. Unfortunately, Dalio’s case had complications that prevented such a surgery, which means he would die within 3 to 5 years. Dalio started planning for his death, but he also wanted to learn from other experts aside from his doctor. As a billionaire, Dalio is able to get access to the best doctors in the country, so he got his physician to set up visits with four other experts on this disease. The first expert was the head of thoracic surgery at a major cancer hospital. She told Dalio that contrary to what his first physician said, there is a surgery that could cure him. However, that surgery would have a 10% chance of death and a 70% chance of a crippling outcome. But chances are, he would live, so she recommended the surgery. Dalio, being the humble and careful person he was, decided to call his first physician from John Hopkins right there on the spot and have the two experts discuss. He noticed the two experts were very focused on being courteous to each other, and he was concerned that they weren’t prioritized about finding the best solution. Still, it was clear that they had different views, and listening to them helped Dalio understand the situation better. The day after, Dalio met with a world-renowned specialist at another hospital. This doctor told him that his condition would basically be no problem as long as he went to the hospital for an endoscopic examination every 3 months. The doctor explained that if they can cut out new growth of cancer cells before it metastasized into the bloodstream, then he’d be okay. In other words, he wouldn’t die if he got the cancer; His life would be pretty normal except for the occasional hospital visits. Dalio reflected that over the past 48 hours, he had gone from a likely death sentence to a likely possible cure that would likely cripple him, then to a simple and slightly inconvenient cure. Which doctor was right? Dalio and his first physician met two other world-class specialists, and they both agreed with the third doctor about the scoping procedure, so Dalio agreed to do it. They clipped some tissue from his esophagus and tested it in the laboratory. Later, they found out there wasn’t any high-grade dysplasia at all! From this experience, Dalio reflected on the importance of checking information against multiple experts to raise your chances of finding out the truth. Source: Principles by Ray Dalio

When the great ancient Greek philosopher Socrates was still single, he shared a small room, which was barely eight square meters, with a few friends. Life was cramped and inconvenient, yet he was always cheerful and smiling.   Someone asked him, “With so many people squeezed together, it must be hard to even turn around. What’s there to be so happy about?”   (Pause. How do you think Socrates responded?)   Socrates replied, “When friends live together, we can exchange ideas and share our feelings anytime. Isn’t that something to be happy about?”   Later, one by one, his friends got married and moved out. Socrates was left alone in the room, but he remained just as content.   (Pause. Why do you think Socrates was still happy?)   He said, “I have so many books! Each book is a teacher. To be surrounded by so many teachers and to be able to learn from them anytime—how could I not be happy?”   Image Source: GPT A few years later, Socrates got married and moved into a seven-story building. His home was on the ground floor, the worst location in the building. People upstairs often dumped dirty water, threw down dead rats, old shoes, and all kinds of trash. Yet Socrates still appeared cheerful and at ease.   Someone asked curiously, “You live in such a place and still feel happy?”   (Pause. How do you think Socrates responded?)   Socrates said, “Of course! Do you know how many advantages there are to living on the first floor? For example, I can step inside as soon as I open the door—no need to climb stairs. Moving things is easy and effortless. When friends visit, they don’t have to knock on doors floor by floor to find me. And what pleases me most is that I can plant clusters of flowers and rows of vegetables right outside. The joy from that is endless!”   A year later, Socrates gave his first-floor room to a friend who had an elderly relative with limited mobility. He moved to the seventh floor—the top of the building. Yet again, he remained cheerful as ever.   Someone asked teasingly, “Sir, are there many benefits to living on the seventh floor too?” (Pause. How do you think Socrates responded?) Socrates smiled and said, “Of course there are! For one thing, going up and down the stairs several times a day is great exercise and good for my health. The lighting is excellent, so reading and writing don’t strain my eyes. No one lives above me, so it’s peaceful day and night.”   Later, that same person met Plato, one of Socrates’ students, and said, “Your teacher is always so happy, but I really don’t think the places he’s lived in were that great.”   Plato replied, “A person’s happiness doesn’t depend on their surroundings, but on their state of mind.”   ( Story source )   My Experience Everyone wants to be happy, but most people think that in order to be happy, the outside world needs to be a certain way. That's a certain mindset for suffering because the outside world often is not the way people want it to be. The good news is, we can learn to adjust our thinking and mindset so that no matter what the outside situation is, we can maintain our peace and happiness, just like Socrates.   In my experience, I've found three ways to reframe any situation into a good situation: Find the good Focus on improving ourselves from it Focus on setting a good example for others   1: Find the good When something bad happens, we often zoom in on the bad. But chances are, there are also good aspects to the situation too. We just have to jump out of the negativity hole and look for the good.   For example, recently I went to visit the doctor's office, and the doctor was late by 30 minutes, and I was 14th in line. I was getting a bit annoyed that they didn't open on time, and that I had to wait in line for so long. What could be good about this? Well, I could be grateful that I have free healthcare, that I don't have any serious illness (a lot of the other people in line seemed to be less healthy comparatively), that I have the time to wait, and that I can still do work on my phone while I wait. So that's exactly what I did, and I felt pleased that I was able to remain calm and make good use of the unexpected inconvenience.   2: Focus on improving ourselves from it Socrates once said, "Just as one person delights in improving his farm, and another his horse, so I delight in attending to my own improvement day by day."   Image Source: GPT It's human nature to delight in one's own growth and improvement, so rather than focusing on how the external situation is not what we wanted it to be, we can focus on how we can improve ourselves from it. If we can grow from this difficulty, then we'd feel happy and grateful for it.   For example, the doctor being late is annoying to me. Why? Well, I expect others to be on time. I don't have much to do while waiting in line, and I don't like wasting time. How could I reframe the situation so that it becomes a good thing?   Well, I could tell myself, "This is exactly what I need!" Why? Because if I want to live a happy life, I have to train my mind to view any situation as good, and that requires me to encounter challenges and practice using them. This situation is a challenge for me to let go of demands towards others and instead be tolerant and understanding towards others. Maybe the doctor had a family emergency today. Maybe the doctor was feeling sick today but still dragged himself to the office to help patients in need. It doesn't matter what the actual situation is, what I choose to believe about it determines how I feel and how I treat the doctor when I see him.   From another perspective, being late is a very common thing. I am late sometimes too. If I get really upset at others for being late, then I am basically setting myself up to be upset frequently in life. That's not other people's problem, that's my problem. So I should learn from every experience and have a back-up plan for when others are late.   When I told myself these things, I could more calmly wait in line, and I was happy that I improved my tolerance and patience from this experience.   3: Focus on setting a good example for others We all want others to be better and advise them on their faults. But whether or not other people listen to us depends on whether we've set a good example for them. If I tell others to be more patient and tolerant, but I'm always complaining and impatient, then others will think, "Who are you to tell me to be more patient? You should fix yourself first!"   While waiting at the doctor's office, my mother was also impatient. At one point, she even asked if we should just leave and come back another day because there were so many people lined up and there was nowhere to sit. I focused on staying calm and said, "Well, we're already here, and we have time today, and the weather is only going to get worse as winter progresses, so why not just wait a bit longer? Besides, you can do your Buddha chanting meditation here. It's not that big of a difference than doing it at home, right?" She decided to listen, and we got it over with that day.   Since I myself was focused on being patient and making productive use of the situation, I was able to help my mom do the same. If I was also annoyed, I might've agreed with my mother, and we'd both just go home in a bad mood.   Later, I suggested to my mom that we visit a Chinese medicine doctor as well, and she got annoyed that I was giving her too much stuff to do, that she wants to just stay at home and finish reading a book that she's been trying to finish for a long time.   Again, I focused on cultivating my own patience and understanding, and I told her it's no rush, and she doesn't have to go see a Chinese medicine doctor if she doesn't want to. The next day, she apologized for getting annoyed when I was trying to help her with that suggestion. I then advised her and said, "The matter of going to see a Chinese medicine doctor isn't the problem. The problem is our state of mind. You could calmly say to me, 'I'm very busy trying to finish this book right now. Seeing a Chinese medicine doctor is not urgent. Can we talk about this after I'm done reading my book?"   Since she can see that I'm often trying to cultivate my calmness and patience, she was willing to accept my advice. Therefore, by focusing on improving ourselves, we naturally also set a good example for others, so that when we do advise them in the future, they are more likely to listen to us.   Conclusion As Plato said, our happiness is not dependent on our outside circumstances, but rather on our mind and way of thinking. Image Source: GPT We can turn negative situations around by choosing to look for the good, focus on improving ourselves, and focus on setting a good example for others. These three methods are interrelated and we can use all three at the same time.   What are some "bad" situations that you encountered recently? How could you reframe them into good situations? Weekly Wisdom #372

Why do you wake up in the morning? Do you have a strong sense of purpose that gets you up? Or are you going through life without a clear purpose? If you already have a strong sense of purpose, that's fantastic! If not, you're not alone. The Cato 2019 Welfare, Work, and Wealth National Survey asked Americans if they believe their life has meaning and purpose, and it found that 46% strongly agreed, 37% somewhat agreed, and 16% disagreed. That means around half the population could use some help with having a more meaningful purpose in life! Image Source Having a strong purpose isn't just a nice-to-have thing. It's extremely important for our mental AND physical health. In his book, The Stress Solution , Dr. Rangan Chaterjee explains how lacking a meaningful purpose is inherently stressful, while people with a meaningful purpose have much better health, including lower chances of heart disease, strokes, and depression. In the five Blue Zones (areas of the world where there's the most number of healthy centenarians), people all have a strong purpose that they can articulate clearly. That means having a strong purpose and being clear on it helps us live longer, healthier lives. The Journal of Research in Personality even found that a strong purpose is linked to greater economic success. Photo by Jamie Street on Unsplash Now that we recognize the importance of purpose, the big question is, How do we get a strong, meaningful purpose? This article will go over four steps: Know the difference between a meaningful and non-meaningful purpose. Self-reflect to learn more about yourself. Experiment with purposes to confirm if they resonate with you. Find meaning in whatever you are doing now. Step 1: Know the difference between a meaningful and non-meaningful purpose. 1.1 A Meaningful Purpose A meaningful purpose is something that the world around you needs, which you also enjoy providing . Notice there are two key parts: Other people benefit from it You enjoy it. In his book, Principles , Ray Dalio explains how both neuroscientists and spiritual leaders agree that the human brain is evolutionarily programmed to try to help the group and build meaningful relationships. That's why helping others is key to a meaningful purpose. Notice that whether or not you are good at something does not make it meaningful. There are many people in the world who do things they are talented at but don't feel fulfilled from it. But if you discover a purpose that is meaningful to you, then even if you are not good at it, you will have the drive and perseverance to get good at it. Also, just because you enjoy something does not mean it will be meaningful and fulfilling. If you really enjoy something such that you could do it all day without getting bored, we call that a passion . Being able to spend time on your passion is already a great blessing that not everyone gets. But even higher than passion is a meaningful purpose. A meaningful purpose has to be something that you enjoy which also makes a positive difference in the lives of others. As Gandhi once said, "The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others." The Stoic Emperor, Marcus Aurelius, explained that a meaningful purpose has three parts: being a good person, improving my moral character, and helping the greater good. Image Sources: 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 These three things all benefit others and bring ourselves long lasting joy. Moreover, we can fulfill these three goals no matter what role we have, whether it is as a child, parent, friend, spouse. We can also do these three goals no matter what career we choose. 1.2 The Four Levels of Motivation In his book, Think Like a Monk , Jay Shetty explains how to live with peace and purpose every day. One of the key ideas in the book is the four levels of motivation: Fear — being driven by negative things like sickness, poverty, and death Desire — being driven by personal gratification through wealth, success, and pleasure Duty — being motivated by gratitude, responsibility, and doing the right thing Love — being motivated by helping and caring for others Fear is not a pleasant emotion, but it can be motivating. For example, if we are afraid of illness, perhaps because of past experience, then we would be motivated to start taking better care of our health. The important thing is what we do to respond to our feeling of fear. Getting sucked into fear and become paralyzed is not helpful, but directing our fear towards productive action is. Desire can be good or bad depending on what it is for and the degree. It’s very reasonable to want enough money to live a moderate life, or to want enough time to spend with family, or to enjoy some pleasures in due degree. Desires become problematic when they are excessive. The great stoic philosopher Seneca said, "It is inevitable that life will be not just very short but very miserable for those who acquire by great toil what they must keep by greater toil." When we have too much desire for something, we either end up stressed or end up stressed. That's not a typo. If you we get what we desire, then we're stressed. But even if we do get what we desire, we get a temporary sense of relief, but then we're afraid losing it or stressed about the next bigger desire. Being motivated by duty and love is a strong purpose, and it will lead to much more happiness and fulfillment than being motivated by fear or desire. For example, Lewis Howes is former pro-athlete and the host of The School of Greatness . In his conversation with Jay Shetty about the four motivations, he said, "Most of my life, one of my main motivation was desire: seeking personal gratification through success, wealth, and pleasure…In the last seven years, it's been more duty and love…And there's an amount of happiness I've never felt before until I reached practicing duty and love. I remember I was never able to fall asleep at night until about 7 or 8 years ago without an hour or hour and half of just anxious anxiety, stress, concern, worry. And when I shifted from seeking personal gratifications to being motivated by a mission and love and gratitude, I started to fall asleep within minutes." We mentioned early that a powerful purpose includes being a good person, improving our moral character, and serving the greater good. Why? Because it is our duty. We received a lot of gratitude and kindness from our parents, teachers, ancestors, nation, and the world, so the least we could do is be a good person and help them back. Image Sources: 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 , 5 Our parents and teachers all hope for us to be a useful member of society, to give more than we take. Our ancestors have advanced the world for us, so we should leave the world better than when we arrived. The nation and all citizens support our daily lives, so we should contribute something back. When we think about all the gratitude we received, we will naturally feel motivation to improve ourselves and serve the greater good. Now that we know the difference between a meaningful and non-meaningful purpose, the next step is to figure out how you can implement a meaningful purpose. Step 2: Self-reflect to learn more about yourself. 2.1 Ask yourself some deep questions Recall that a meaningful purpose is something that benefits others and that you enjoy providing. In other words, it is the combination of service (helping others) and passion (what you enjoy). Here are some questions to reflect on regarding passion: If I had all the money and time in the world, what would I do (after I've travelled and bought all the stuff I want)? What excites me? What am I happily willing to do even when I am exhausted? What could I talk about for hours without getting bored? Here are some questions to reflect on regarding service: What problems do I like to help people with? What am I most grateful for? How can I provide that to others or repay that gratitude? What is my biggest pain? How can I help prevent that pain for others? To help yourself get clear on your purpose, journal down your answers to these questions and talk to people who know you well about your answers. Image by lilartsy on Unsplash Example: To use myself as an example, I was a white-collar office worker after I graduated from business school. Soon after I started working, I realized that even though I was good at my job, I didn't find it fulfilling or meaningful. I just felt like I was helping big businesses make money. When I reflected on my passion, I realized that I really enjoy sharing useful knowledge about improving our lives. If I didn't have to care about money and time, I would spend all my time sharing useful knowledge with others. Despite long work days, I would use my evenings and weekends writing blog articles instead of seeking entertainment or relaxation. I could talk about self-improvement for hours without getting bored. When I reflected on service, I realized I often try to help others solve their life problems, whether it be relationships, career, or health. Aside from my parents, I'm most grateful for all the authors I found on the internet. It's through their books, podcasts, and articles that I learned most of what I know for little to no cost. My biggest pain is not knowing these useful knowledge earlier. From this reflection, I've made my purpose to be sharing useful knowledge that I've benefited from and that I wish I had learned earlier. I'm doing this out of duty and love to help others improve their life and avoid the suffering that I went through. That's why I spend my free time writing articles, and I even switched my career from a corporate business job to a high school teacher, which has improved my sense of happiness and fulfillment in life greatly. Common Purposes Although my purpose is to help others through sharing useful knowledge, that purpose may not resonate with you. Here are some other common purposes that people find meaningful: To advocate for a cause To nurture and care for others To make useful things To create new useful things To create art and beauty To entertain others To maintain order and stability To help those in bad circumstances Perhaps one of those purposes jump out at you. If not, consider using personality tests to learn more about yourself. 2.2 Vedic Personalities A useful tool to help with self-awareness is personality tests. When it comes to helping you find your purpose, Jay Shetty uses the Four Vedic Personalities: Guides are compelled to learn and share knowledge. They value wisdom more than fame or money. Their purpose can be to share useful knowledge or to use knowledge to help people. Leaders like to influence and provide. They are led by morals and seek to inspire cooperation and support society long-term. Their purpose can be to maintain order and stability or to help those in bad circumstances. Creators like to make things happen, and they are good at innovating and networking. Their purpose can be to create new and useful things for society. Makers like to see things tangibly being built. They are good at inventing, supporting, and implementing. They are motivated by stability and security, as well as supporting those in need. Their purpose can be to make useful things or art and beauty. To find out which Vedic personality type is your primary one, you can take this online survey: https://public.tableau.com/app/profile/prasann.prem/viz/TheVedicPersonalityTest-ThinklikeaMonkbyJayShetty/HomePage 2.3 16 Personalities Test Another useful personality test is the 16 Personality Tests. You can read a detailed explanation of the 16 Personalities here , but for this article, we'll just look at the four categories of personalities: Analysts are driven by logic and ideas, so their purpose can be to solve big problems for society and innovate new ideas. Diplomats are driven by compassion and ideals, so their purpose can be to advocate for an important cause and to help those in bad circumstances Sentinels are driven by duty and morals, so their purpose can be to maintain order and stability in the world. Adventurers are driven by novelty and fun, so their purpose can be to entertain others, whether that be through films, music, art, or sports. To find out which one you are, you can take this survey: https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test The 16 Personalities website provides many famous examples of people from each category. We can see that Analysts include famous logical thinker sand innovators like Albert Einstein, Bill Gates, and Elon Musk. Diplomats include famous social advocates and compassion people such as Oprah Winfrey, Martin Luther King Junior, and Mother Teresa. Sentinels have less famous people because they tend to support others from the background rather than being in the center of attention, but some well-known ones include Captain America, Hermione Granger, and George Washington. Explorers include famous actors, singers, and athletes such as Tom Cruise, Adele, and Michael Jordan. An important note to make here is that personality does not define your best career choice, but rather your purpose for choosing that career. For example, a Diplomat could choose to work in the technology industry for the purpose of using technology for social good. A Sentinel could choose to work in the entertainment industry for the purpose of using media to bring more stability in society. Hopefully, you've identified a potential purpose for yourself now. If so, the next step is to confirm if that purpose resonates with you. Step 3: Experiment with purposes to confirm if they resonate with you. Once you've learned more about yourself and have an idea of your passion and how you want to serve others, look for opportunities to try out that purpose. Use your free time, such as your evenings and weekends, to experiment with your purpose. A 2017 Statistica survey showed that the average person worldwide spends 134 minutes a day using online entertainment. That's over 2 hours a day, 15.6 hours a week! We may use online entertainment to destress, but it's just temporary pleasure. Online entertainment doesn't provide us with long-lasting happiness and peace, whereas working on your purpose does. For most of us, we could probably replace some entertainment time with time spent experimenting with purpose. Once we've confirmed our purpose, we would naturally want to work on that more and spend less time on entertainment. For example, if you think taking care of others might be meaningful to you, try volunteering at a food shelter or senior home. If you think entertaining others might be meaningful to you, try joining a comedy club or making online videos. If you think advocating might be meaningful to you, try joining a local government organization or attending community events. If you think creating new things is meaningful to you, try making stuff in your free time. Personally, when I started working my corporate job, I decided to try writing a blog to share useful information with others. After I wrote articles, I would share them with my friends and colleagues. Not only did I enjoy researching and writing these articles greatly, but I also got great feedback from people who read them. I also tried volunteering at a senior's home. It was okay, but it didn’t resonate with me as much as sharing useful knowledge. I remember in high school, I tried entertaining others during a talent show, and it was not my thing. I also remember visiting the robotics club where they were making cool robots, but I just wasn't that interested. From trying all these different things, I could then confirm that, indeed, sharing useful knowledge resonates most strongly with me. Nowadays, I spend almost all my free time on my purpose, and it's much more gratifying than any entertainment could be. Step 4: Find meaning in whatever you are doing now. "You can't find positivity in everything, but you can find meaning in everything." —Jay Shetty While you are experimenting with your purpose, you can also find meaning in whatever you are doing now. When you can link what you are doing to your purpose, you will naturally feel more satisfaction and fulfillment in life. Example 1: Building a Wall versus Building a Cathedral Below is a relevant story from the book Start with Why by Simon Sinek: "Consider the story of two stonemasons. You walk up to the first stonemason and ask, "Do you like your job?" He looks up at you and replies, "I've been building this wall for as long as I can remember. The work is monotonous. I work in the scorching hot sun all day. The stones are heavy and lifting them day after day can be backbreaking. I'm not even sure if this project will be completed in my lifetime. But it's a job. It pays the bills." You thank him for his time and walk on. About thirty feet away you walk up to a second stonemason. You ask him the same question, "Do you like your job?" He looks up and replies, "I love my job. I'm building a cathedral. Sure, I've been working on this wall for as long as I can remember and yes, the work is sometimes monotonous. I work in the scorching hot sun all day. The stones are heavy and lifting them day after day can be backbreaking. I'm not even sure if this project will be completed in my lifetime. But I'm building a cathedral." Image Source The first stonemason didn't have a strong purpose because he's only thinking about himself and paying his bills. The second stonemason has a strong purpose because he's thinking about all the people that the cathedral will serve. Example 2: Student in School Let's say you are a student in school, and you feel school is so burdensome and tiring. You especially find math class boring, but you have to pass math class to go to university. You can reflect on the questions in Step 2, such as "What am I most grateful for? How can I repay that gratitude?" and "What could I talk about for hours without getting bored?" You reflect that you are very grateful to your parents and teachers because without them, you'd be nothing. You also reflect that you love art and design, and maybe you want to be an architect. Now, you can find meaning in your math class. Firstly, your parents and teachers hope you will do well in school, so doing your best in the class is repaying their gratitude. Secondly, math is needed for you to study architecture in university, so even if it's boring right now, it is needed for your future goals. When you can keep these two things in mind, you will naturally feel more motivation. And of course, don't forget to use some of your free time to use art and design to help others! Example 3: Typical Office Worker Let's say you're a typical office worker. You just do your job to earn a pay cheque to pay your bills. You don't feel a strong purpose at work. You reflect that two of your biggest pains growing up was not having financial stability and family time. You could see your job as contributing to the success of the company, which provides a stable pay cheque for hundreds of employees. You could also use your lunch hours to chat with colleagues, encourage them to prioritize family, and give them recommendations for family activities. Doing these two things would give you new meaning to your current job. Example 4: Going Through Hardship I can use myself as an example for this one. I had a year of health hardship where I had a really bad skin condition. The steroid creams I got from doctors only suppressed the symptoms, but the symptoms came back worse as soon as I stopped using the creams. It was one of the most painful times of my life. Since my purpose is to share useful knowledge to others, I viewed my illness as a catalyst for me to learn more about health. I learnt that in modern urban societies, chronic illnesses have becoming alarmingly common. Since we basically have nothing without our health, I started using all my free time to learn about health, whether that was reading books or listening to podcasts or watching YouTube videos. I used my body to experiment with all the things I was learning so that I could later share my experiences to help others. So despite the physical pain I was going through, I also felt a sense of purpose that pushed me to study health and persevere through the pain. Later, I ended up helping my mother with a lot of her health problems, and I even ended up teaching a course of healthcare! Conclusion Having a strong, meaningful purpose in life is all about doing something you enjoy that also helps others. If you only focus on your own enjoyment without helping others, then you're living for personal pleasure. Personal pleasure is short-lived, whereas a meaningful purpose provides long-lasting happiness . Aside from benefiting our mental health, having a fulfilling purpose also improves our physical health and economic success. Photo by Fuu J on Unplash To find a meaningful purpose, reflect on what you love doing and how you can use it to help others. We should also use duty and love as our motivation for doing things rather than fear or desire. Some common purposes are To advocate for a cause To nurture and care for others To make useful things To create new useful things To create art and beauty To entertain others To maintain order and stability To help those in bad circumstances If you're not sure which one resonates with you, you can do personality tests such as Vedic Personalities and 16 Personalities. After you have an idea of what your purpose might be, use your evenings and weekends to try it out. Only by trying it out can you confirm that it feels meaningful and fulfilling to you. Lastly, regardless of what you are doing right now, you can find more meaning in it by linking it to your purpose.

Recently, a teacher colleague discussed some class problems with me: "I noticed that some students in my kindergarten class like to police classmates and hate admitting mistakes, especially Jenny. For example, when Joe accidentally hit Carol with his elbow while coloring, Jenny came to me and said Joe hit Carol. But it was an accident, and Joe even said sorry right away.   I know other teachers might just tell the students to directly talk to each other rather than personally scold the wrongdoer, but I'm not sure if this is a good idea. Maybe it would help them develop their social skills, but maybe it's better for the teacher to get involved.   Also, yesterday it was Jenny's turn to turn off the lights when leaving the classroom, but she forgot. I often have to remind her, but yesterday I didn't. I asked Carol to help turn off the lights instead.   Later, Carol said to Jenny, 'By the way, you forgot to turn off the lights when we left the classroom, but don't worry, I helped you turn it off.'   Jenny responded, 'No I didn't. I turned off the lights.'   I told Jenny, 'Maybe you remembered wrong. I noticed you didn't turn off the lights, so I asked Carol to help.'   She said, 'No, I remember very clearly that I turned off the lights.'   It seems to me like Jenny hates to admit mistakes, and I don't know what to do with her. Do you have any advice?"   I replied: "I lack expertise and experience with kindergarteners, so I don't know if I can give any good advice. But I'll try to offer something that hopefully can help.   Firstly, about whether or not we should let students work it out themselves instead of tattletaling, I think the problem is not the matter, the problem is the intention. If Jenny comes tell me that a classmate did something wrong, I would ask her, 'OK. Why are you telling me this? Are you trying to help them correct their faults? Or do you just want them to get punished?' The point is that we should be trying to help our classmates correct their faults.   Then I would say to Jenny privately, "OK, so our goal is to help them correct their faults. Let's wait until recess or after lunch. I'll tell the other classmates to go play, and I'll ask you and Joe to stay behind in the classroom. Then you can politely tell Joe, 'Today you hit Carol, and I think you should apologize to Carol for that.'   If Joe doesn't know how to respond, then I'll tell Joe, "Jenny is very respectful towards you! She waited until the other classmates left to give you important advice. What should we say when others try to help us improve?"   Then Joe would know to say "Thank you."   Later when the class is back, I might tell the class what happened and praise Jenny for helping Joe to correct a fault, and I'd also praise Joe for being humble and accepting Jenny's advice. This way, the whole class learns that advising others respectfully and accepting advice humbly are good deeds.   I would also tell the class, "Mistakes are only bad if we don't learn from them. But if we learn from our mistakes, then we turn them into valuable lessons. And that's awesome!" Of course, saying this is one thing, but we have to believe in it and guide our students to learn from each mistake and praise them for it. Only then would they truly internalize it.   Icon Sources: 1 , 2 , 3 As for why Jenny always polices others and hates to admit mistakes, I wonder if that might be related to her parents? Maybe her parents often police her and tell her what she did is wrong or not good enough, so then she always wants to defend herself, and she starts copying her parents' behavior towards classmates."   The teacher replied, "Yes, I think that is the case with her mother. Joe's mother is similar. I often tell Jenny and Joe that they shouldn't police classmates. The teacher can tell students their faults because it's the teacher's job, but classmates shouldn't do it. But I think they are copying me too."   I said, "Right. Again, I would say that the problem is not the matter of telling others their faults. The problem is the intention and energy behind our actions. If we are policing our students and telling them 'You shouldn't do that', 'Don't do that', 'Say sorry', etc., what's our intention? Our intention will determine our facial expression, tone of voice, and body language, and kids will learn that.   Some teachers are very demanding towards kids because they feel that their kids' behavior reflects their teaching, and they want to have a good reputation in the eyes of other teachers and parents. Some other teachers demand good behavior from kids because they want class to be smooth, and they dislike dealing with trouble. Whatever the reason is, being demanding towards kids for selfish reasons will create opposition.   When we oppose kids, as if their behavior is unrelated to us, as if they choose to disrespect us, then we will blame them for not behaving in the way we want them to. When blamed, they will want to make excuses or deny fault. So we have to correct our intentions and attitude. When we change ourselves, we naturally change the way others respond to us. That's why there's a Chinese proverb that goes, 'When things don't go according to your wishes, reflect on yourself.'   If our intention is to help them improve, then we would act more like a coach, not a police officer. We could tell them that there is a good learning opportunity here. For example, when Jenny forgot to turn off the lights, I would first remind Jenny to turn off the lights. Later, I might ask Jenny, 'Let's turn our past mistake into a useful lesson. How can you make sure you remember to turn off the lights next time without the teacher reminding you?'   If she has trouble thinking of a solution, I might say to the class, "We are all one team. We need to help each other out. Right now Jenny is having trouble thinking of a way to remember to turn off the lights next time. Can anyone think of a solution?" If no one in the class has any ideas, then I can give suggestions. This is turning the problem into a learning opportunity. This is what a coach would do, but a police officer wouldn't."   Icon Sources: 1 , 2 The teacher replied, "I think it's quite insightful when you said I should focus on changing myself, not on changing others. So at home, in the morning, my nine-year-old daughter is really slow to get ready. Sometimes I start nagging at her and rushing her because I'm worried that if I don't, her dad will get angry and start shouting at her. How can I change myself then? If I am very calm and don't make a big deal out of it, her dad will shout at her."   I said, "Right. So do you think your daughter has learned your nagging and your dad's shouting?"   She said, "Yes. I noticed that she likes to point out our faults, and sometimes she'll shout angrily too."   I replied, "There's a quote that goes, 'Children don't do what you say, they do what you do.'   In the situation you mentioned, I would probably rush my daughter too. But if my intention is to help her, not to blame her, not because I'm scared of the spouse shouting, then I would be gentle but firm. People can feel our energy. If she is still slow at getting ready, and then my spouse starts shouting, then that's also a learning opportunity. I could calmly ask my spouse to be a bit more gentle and patient.   Later, at an appropriate time, I could have a conversation with my daughter. I would ask her why she is so slow. Is it because she's tired? Or she doesn't want to go school? Or just lazy? Based on her reason, we can then think of a solution. This way, she feels that we are trying to help her, not blame her.   I would also ask her to reflect on how her behavior made others feel. How did it make your parents feel? Do you want your mom and dad to feel anxious or angry? Is that a nice way to treat your parents? Given that it's not nice, how could you do better next time? Let's make a plan.   If mom and dad often get impatient, then mom and dad need to improve too. We can have a contest. You work on being faster in the morning, and if you are on time, then you get a star. If you are slow, then it's our challenge to remain calm and patient towards you. If we can do that, then we get a star. Let's do a competition and see who can get to 10 stars first. We can exchange 10 stars for a treat of our choice.   Anyway, that's just an idea. There's no one correct answer. As long as our intentions are proper, the results will naturally align themselves."   She replied, "Wow I never thought of it that way. OK, I guess my next step is to work on correcting myself, and then my daughter and students will naturally improve too."   I said, "Yes, I'm exactly the same. Honestly, it's easy to give advice to someone else. It's a completely different challenge to actually do it ourselves. I feel like I nag too much too. I don't spend enough time calmly following up with students after matters happen to turn problems into lessons, and I often blame students too. We're all on a journey of self-improvement, so let's support each other along the way!" Weekly Wisdom #371