2025 Year-End Reflection

Alex Chen
26 minutes ago
6 min read

2025 has just finished, and like many people, I am reflecting on my major learnings from the past year. In 2025, I had four major learnings:

1: Propriety/Etiquette

Most people are familiar with the term "etiquette", but less are familiar with the term "propriety". Etiquette refers to the rules of polite behavior, such as saying "please" and "thank you", holding the door open for others, not interrupting others, etc. Propriety is a broader term that not only includes the matters of etiquette, but also the state of being appropriate or suitable. For example, when giving a gift, we have to make sure the timing and value of the gift are appropriate. Therefore, I prefer the term "propriety" over "etiquette".

Confucius once said,

"If one does not learn propriety, one will not be able to establish oneself in society."

After all, no one likes a rude and selfish person. We live in an interdependent society, so if someone is disliked by lots of people, they won't be able to establish a footing for themselves in society. One could argue that propriety is the foundation of Confucianism.

All the ancient philosophers teach us to cultivate virtues like kindness and respect. These are principles, but principles need to be integrated with matters, and the rules of etiquette are the starting point. We can cultivate our kindness and respect by practicing etiquette such as

When others are talking to us, look at them with full attention.
Aim to arrive 10 minutes early. You'll never know if you'll get delayed, and arriving late seems like you don't respect other people's time. If others are late, tell them "It's no rush. Take your time."
When sneezing, sneeze into your elbow, not hands, and say excuse me.
Don't speak loudly in quiet places. Don't disturb others when they're busy or in a bad mood.
Knock before entering someone else's room. Respect other people's space.
When people call you or message you, try to respond promptly. Don't make others wait too long.
When standing or talking with others, don't block doors or paths.
When walking in a crowded place, don't stare at your phone because you'll walk slowly and block other people.

These are just a few examples, and I listed many more in my previous post on etiquette. These matters are extremely common in daily life, so practicing etiquette is key to cultivating our virtues.

I also wrote quite a few stories on Yanzi, who was a master of propriety and highly respected by Confucius.

Also, in the later half of 2025, I started translating a Chinese text called 常禮舉要 or The Essentials on Common Propriety. I have finished translating the text, but I am still studying a lecture series on the text, and I plan to write some articles on it in the future.

2: Attachment and Letting Go

The concept of attachment and letting go is absolutely critical and foundation to Buddhism, and it took me many years to understand the concept well enough to be able to communicate it in a blog article. If we want to be at peace, relaxed, and wise like the Buddha, we need to let go of attachments.

Basically, attachment is a strong desire for anything, such that if we can't get it, we become unhappy. Attachment includes a strong desire to not have something as well. Attachment is analogous to gripping tightly onto something. It causes our mind to be tense and stressed. Letting go is to loosen that grip. You can still hold the thing if needed, but you're also willing to let it go if needed.

Understanding the concept of letting go is much easier than actually practicing it. For example, think of a food or person or matter that you really dislike. Can you make yourself not mind it? Or think of something that you really want. Can you make yourself not mind if you cannot get it? If so, then you've made yourself impervious to suffering, just like the Buddha!

In my article on Attachment and Letting Go, I explained five ways to help us practice letting go:

Since I already explained in that article, I won't repeat here. What I will say is that detachment is like a muscle. The more we practice it, the better we become, and the rewards are very worthwhile.

3: Be an actor not a reactor

This concept is core in the genre of western self-development. To quote Dr. Alan Zimmerman:

"It's not so much what happens to you that matters. It's how you're conditioned to respond that makes all the difference."

I remember when I was a teenager, I read the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and the first habit is "be proactive", which is basically the same idea as "be an actor not a reactor".

This past year, I took a short workshop on this topic, and I shared my learnings in a series of blog posts:

One of the stories that really stuck with me was how Dr. Zimmerman would tell her negative daughter in the morning, "Shelly! Something good is going to happen to you! Tell me what it is later." As time progressed, Shelly slowly started noticing the good things in her day, and she became more positive. As a teacher at school, I tried this with a negative student as well, and I noticed that his ability to notice good things has also improved after a couple months.

Another idea that I am still working on is to not catch other people's negative energy. Dr. Zimmerman says: "Perhaps there's someone that just really irks you. Rather than continue getting irked by them all the time, why not go to the bookstore and buy a book on coping with difficult people? Why not practice on them? You've got nothing to lose. An actor takes productive action, while a reactor merely complains." I already read books and took classes on dealing with difficult people, and I just need to keep practicing.

4: Meditation is worth it

My first article of 2025 was Meditation is Worth It. In that article, I talked about how meditation is analogous to sharpening a tool (which allows us to do things better) or cleaning a mirror (which allows us to see better). Since we use the mind for everything, meditation improves our lives from the root.

There's a Zen saying that goes,

“You should sit in meditation for 20 minutes a day. Unless you're too busy, then you should sit for an hour.”

When it comes to Zen sayings, it's important to not get stuck on the words and instead comprehend the meaning behind it. In this case, it's saying that if you are so busy that you cannot set aside 20 minutes to calm down and relax, then chances are, your mind is extremely agitated and messy, in which case you'd need to spend a lot more time "cleaning" and meditating to return to a state of peace and calm.

I have persisted with daily visualization and mantra meditation for over a year now. My visualization meditation helps me to have more vigilance towards matters that would normally upset me, so I don't get upset as often or as strongly.

My meditation in the morning helps me to see how calm my state of mind is that day. If there are a lot of wandering thoughts, I try to meditate for longer if possible since the goal is to calm the mind and bring that calmness into the rest of my day. As a bonus, I will sometimes remember important things or have insightful ideas during meditation (not on purpose; it just pops up).

Usually, I do 30 minutes of visualization and 10 minutes of mantra meditation. I've noticed that I've become a lot better at staying calm and focused for the 10 minutes of mantra meditation. I remember in the past, when I first started doing mantra meditation, a 30 minute session felt so long because my mind was full of wandering thoughts. Recently, when I tried 20 minutes and then 30 minutes, I noticed that it's a lot easier for me to stay focused for those longer durations. It's quite a delightful feeling to be able to control the mind rather than being dragged in all different directions by wandering thoughts.

Conclusion

2025 seemed to be a year of attending to the foundation, whether that be propriety (foundation of Confucianism), detachment (foundation of Buddhism), or mindset (foundation of western self-development). When the foundation is strong, everything else can flourish. I am still building my foundation, so I need to keep working hard in 2026!

Weekly Wisdom #375