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This past week, I was talking to a friend about the virtues of yielding and humility. I explained that sinology focuses on morality and virtue education, which is highly needed in the business

A group of blind men were brought to inspect an elephant, and each man touched a different part of the elephant. The first man, who ran his hands along the elephant’s trunk, said “the elephant is like a thick snake.” The second man, who felt the ear, said the “No, the elephant resembles a big fan.” The third man, who touched a leg, said “No, the elephant is like a pillar.” The fourth man, who patted the elephant’s side, said “The elephant is clearly like a wall.” The fifth man, who touched a tusk, said “I’m certain the elephant is like a spear.” The last man, who felt the elephant’s tail, said “You’re all wrong. The elephant is just like a rope.” Unable to come to an agreement, the men continued to argue and defend themselves, eventually even coming to physical blows. Image Source Commentary: This parable emphasizes the importance of humility, open-mindedness, and perception. So often, we believe our limited views to be the whole truth. Compounding the problem, we become attached to our ideas and want to defend them. As a result, we arrogantly reject the views of others. A person once told me that he has many ideas in his head, and he wants others to criticize them so that he can make sure only the best ideas stay in his head. If he disagrees with others’ ideas, he remains respectful. We can all be happier and build our characters by following his example.

Once, there was a son who had a very bad temper, and he sincerely wanted to improve. His dad told him, “If you want to improve your temper, then every time you get angry, I want you to take a nail and hammer it in the big tree in our backyard.” Image Source So that’s what the son did. At the beginning, he’d put 5 or 6 nails in each day. After a few days, he was startled at how many nails he’d already put into the tree. He thought, “I had no idea my temper was this bad!” The son then worked hard to not get angry. After a period of hard work, he was able to have days where he didn’t get angry at all. Then, his dad told him, “For each day you don’t get angry at all, you can remove one nail from the tree.” The son was very happy to hear this. He worked hard, and over a long period of time, finally came the day where he could remove the last nail from the tree. He told his dad proudly, “I did it! That’s the last nail gone!” The dad replied, “Even though you removed the last nail, what happened to the tree trunk?” The son realized, “There’s so many holes.” “Can the tree ever return back to the way it was before you put the nails in?” asked the dad. “No.” replied the son. To which the dad said, “And so it’s the same with people.”

A short story on balancing loving-kindness with wisdom. In ancient China, Emperor Yao was looking for a successor to his throne. He heard rumors of a person named Shun, who had great moral character and served his parents with utmost filial piety despite receiving terrible treat from them. Yao decided to dress up as a common citizen and go visit Shun's residence. When he arrived, he saw a young man tilling the soil with the aid of a black cow and a brown cow. The two cows were in the front dragging a tilling tool, while Shun held the tool at the back. (The tool looks somewhat like big tool in the picture. Two cows are be tied to the tool at the front. When the cows walked forward, they dragged the tool, which would then till the soil.) But Yao noticed something strange about Shun's method. Usually, farmers would whip the cows to make them walk. However, Shun put his large sun hat on the tool and whipped the hat. So Yao asked Shun, "Young man, why are you whipping that hat?" Shun replied, "When I whip the hat, it makes a loud sound. The brown cow thinks the black cow is getting hit, and the black cow thinks the brown cow is getting hit. That motivates both of them to keep working hard." Commentary: Sometimes, we lack loving-kindness, which creates conflict. Other times, we want to help others, but we don't know how, and our lack of wisdom results in problems. Shun shows a great example of balancing loving-kindness with wisdom.

I recently heard Jay Shetty interview Oprah and Dr. Bruce Perry, and a key idea that really stuck with me is to not ask "What's wrong with them" but rather "What happened to them." The former creates negative judgment, while the later creates empathy. In this post, I'll share some of my own experiences on this topic. Image Source: Unsplash This school semester, I've been teaching a health course, and part of it involves healthy eating. I've come to realize how emotionally sensitive the topic of food can be for people. I remember my mother was very against me drinking celery juice for example, which caused a lot of conflict between us. Back then, I was thinking, "What's wrong with her? It's just celery!" In the health course I'm teaching, when I showed a talk on veganism, some students reacted in a very emotional and illogical way. One student even said "I don't care if animal products are unhealthy or cruel or bad for the environment. I must eat meat." To which, I thought, "What's wrong with them?" But that question just creates judgment and negativity in my own mind, which hurts me more than anyone else. When I ask the question, "What happened to them?", then things start to make sense, and I can have more empathy for them. In the case of my mother, she was very sick in the past, and she healed after following the advice of a specific doctor who taught her that we need to eat more "warm" foods like ginger, cinnamon, fennel, hot peppers, etc. We should limit cold foods like fruits and vegetables, and when we do eat "cold" foods, we should add in the "warm" spices to reduce their "coldness". Regardless of whether I want to debate the logic of that, the fact is, she healed from that doctor's advice, so emotionally, she is very attached to that viewpoint. That's why she's so against me drinking pure celery juice. It's not a logical debate. It's an emotional thing. In the case of those students, I can imagine that they probably grew up (like I did) eating animal products. They have fond memories of family dinners at home or at restaurants filled with different meat dishes. They love getting milk tea with friends. They order barbeque skewers all the time. They eat eggs every day and drink a glass of milk before bed. It's not a big surprise then that they would feel emotionally attacked when presented with information that says that the innocent happiness they had in the past was somehow wrong or bad. That one rude student in particular was maybe going through a bad day that day. Or perhaps he was spoiled at home to get whatever he wants. Or perhaps he often argues with his parents that way. Going through this mental exercise helped me have more empathy for others. It also reminded me of something that Peter Crone said: If you were them, with their exact genes and childhood and accumulated life experiences, you would be behaving exactly the same way as them. So to judge them is completely nonsensical. The point isn't to excuse other people's bad behavior, but rather to reduce the negative emotions within yourself because those negative emotions hurt you and prevent you from acting logically and effectively. When we can approach others from a place of care and patience, only then we can have a positive influence on them.

To attain that vision, we need to build our virtues. There is a Chinese proverb that says, "Of a hundred virtues, filial piety is the first." I feel like the word "virtue" isn't in the common vernacular nowadays, so I'll phrase it as "Of all the If my virtues are bad, my parents will be ashamed. filial piety and know some concrete examples, let's return to the question: Why is it the first of all virtues

"The Way of Confucius is but Devotion and Consideration." —Analects of Confucius (Original Text: 夫子之道，忠恕而已矣) Devotion means to do your utmost, to be strict with yourself. Consideration means to be empathetic, tolerant, and forgiving towards others. Image Source We can apply this teaching to interpersonal relationships. We’ve probably all asked ourselves, “Why won’t the other person listen to me?” Ego says, Ugh what’s wrong with them? If they don’t know what’s good for them, that’s their problem. They better listen to me or else… Devotion asks, Have I done my utmost? Have I set a good example? Do I walk my talk? Have I built trust with them? Have I given a lot in this relationship? Am I actually trying to help them, or am I just imposing my own will onto them? Have I done my audience analysis? Have I prepared my message and timing to make it easy for them to receive? Consideration asks, What in their background, childhood, and education made them like this? Do they actually find my efforts helpful? Or annoying? What do they need from me? In what way do they need it delivered? My Example: Why do my parents always misunderstand me? I remember a period in my past where I always felt misunderstood by my parents. Back then, I blamed them for jumping to conclusions and not making the effort to understand me. Now that I use devotion and consideration, I have much less conflict with them. Upon reflection, here's how I could have used devotion and consideration back then. Devotion: I was very extremely busy, and my parents told me to take better care of my health. I didn't, which means I violated their trust. Obviously then, they wouldn't trust my words. I also didn't contribute much to the family, so they felt like I didn't care about the family. I also didn't take initiative to communicate my situation, so of course they would end up guessing based on incomplete information. Consideration: Parents obviously care a lot about their children, so it’s natural for them to worry about me. If I were them and saw what I was doing and told what little I told them, I would probably be worried too. They need me to show them that I care about them and that I have good judgment. Hypothetical Example: Why won’t my employees / followers follow rules and instructions properly? Devotion: Perhaps it’s because I or other leaders do not follow the rules and instructions properly. Perhaps I haven’t built trust with them, so they don’t care. Perhaps it’s because they are confused and need me to teach them. Perhaps my messaging doesn’t resonate with them. Consideration: Are my rules and instructions actually helpful for them? Or do they feel like it’s an unnecessary burden? What mentality and habits did they come here with? How easy is it for me to change, let alone other people? What they need from me is to affirm their goodness and encourage them to improve, not for me to focus on their bad points. Conclusion Relationships are key in our interdependent society. Confucius lived a very joyful life because he followed the two principles of devotion and consideration in his relationships. If we can do the same, we will have much more joyous relationships too!

This is the virtue of loving kindness. I should broadcast other people’s virtues; that itself is a virtue. Especially since we are learning about virtues, if we simply know theories about virtues but don’t actually Remember: It’s not enough to know virtues, we have to DO virtues. Before bed, record in a diary all the things you did that support those virtues or go against those virtues

Image Source: Unsplash In the Han Dynasty, Emperor Guangwu (汉光武) had a cabinet minister named Song Hong (宋弘). Song held the important position of Minister of Civil Engineering, and he was extremely honest and responsible in all matters. When the Emperor’s elder sister became widowed after her husband died, the Emperor discussed with her sister about finding a new husband. He asked her if there was anyone among his cabinet ministers that she liked. His sister immediate replied, “Song Hong has a special air about him; extremely virtuous.” The Emperor understood right away, and so he asked Song to meet with him. He thought that perhaps Song would be interested at the opportunity to go from a common citizen to nobility through marrying his sister. After all, it’s an opportunity that most people dream about. When he met with Song, the Emperor told him, “When a man gets rich, it’s common for him to change friends. When a man gains high prestige, it’s common for him to change wives.” Song knew about the situation with the Emperor’s sister and understood the Emperor’s implied meaning. He immediately replied the Emperor with two sentences: “To the friends who helped us when we were poor, we mustn’t forget. To the wife who accompanied us through hardship, we mustn’t abandon.” After hearing this, the Emperor understood Song’s meaning and agreed that human sentiment and loyalty are most important. He also admired how artful and subtle Song responded in a way that did not make him embarrassed. Although Song rejected the opportunity of nobility, he gained the respect and admiration of the Emperor and set a virtuous example for his family. His words recorded in history, and countless scholars looked up to his example for thousands of years to come.

Furthermore, my lack of virtues is related to this long drought.

In philosophy, treasures are precious human virtues that shine light to the world. Different philosophies have different guiding virtues.

When we have enlightened our bright virtues and we have helped others enlighten their bright virtues, When we can do virtues consistently and naturally, then we have enlightened our virtues. That means desiring virtues and world peace. Therefore, a ruler first pays attention to virtues. Having virtues will give him people. Re-Emphasizing The Importance of Virtues The Great Learning keeps emphasizing that virtues is the root