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An Exemplar of Deep Kindness: Zou Ying
- Alex Chen
- 15 minutes ago
- 6 min read
During the Song Dynasty (960–1279), there was a woman named Zou Ying. Her father's first wife passed away early after giving birth to a son. Later, the father remarried, and they gave birth to Zou Ying.
When her brother (half-brother) grew up, he married. The mother disliked this daughter-in-law that her stepson married and often mistreated her. She would purposely assign heavy work to her, or give her very little food, or harshly criticize her for small mistakes.
(Pause: If you were Zou Ying, seeing your sister-in-law being mistreated by your mother, how would you feel? What would you do?)
Seeing her mother and sister-in-law like this, Zou Ying was saddened. Whenever her mother assigned heavy work to her sister-in-law, Zou Ying would secretly help her complete it. When she gave her sister-in-law too little food, Zou Ying would share her own portion.
Sometimes, when her sister-in-law made mistakes, the mother would punish her with a stick. Zou Ying would immediately rush over and say, "Mother, I did it. I should be the one punished."
Her mother would angrily say, "Get out of the way!"
(Pause: If you were Zou Ying, how would you respond?)
Zou Ying would reply, "Mother, one day I will marry into another family. Would you want my mother-in-law to beat me like this?"
The mother's anger then subsided.
Her good character spread around, and she naturally attracted an excellent family to marry into. Later, Zou Ying had a child, and she returned to visit her parents' home carrying her baby. Her sister-in-law was overjoyed. Since Zou Ying had cared for and protected her in every possible way, her sister-in-law had long been deeply grateful. She loved Zou Ying’s child as if it were her own.
One day, her sister-in-law brought the baby, who was not even a year old yet, into her own room. Unfortunately, an accident occurred. Somehow, the child rolled onto the floor and hit her head on the stove and died. Zou Ying and her mother immediately came over when they heard the accident.
(Pause: If you were Zou Ying or the mother, how would you respond?)
The mother was absolutely furious. She reached for the stick to beat her daughter-in-law.
Although Zou Ying was deeply saddened by the loss of her child, she also empathized with her sister-in-law's grief and fear and understood her mother's anger. She immediately stepped forward and said, "Mother, my sister-in-law didn’t know I had placed the child in her room. I was the one who put the child there. It's my fault."
The mother was speechless and left. Later, the sister-in-law wept continuously.
(Pause: If you were Zou Ying, how might you comfort the sister-in-law?)
Zou Ying said to her, "Last night, I had a dream. In the dream, I saw that this child would die today. The child and I were incompatible by fate. If he remained alive, it would bring harm to me. So please, don't be so grieved."
Her sister-in-law appreciated her kind intentions, but she was still guilt-stricken. At meal times, she didn't have an appetite to eat.
Zou Ying said, "If you do not eat, then I will not eat either."
Seeing Zou Ying's sincerity, she reluctantly began to eat. Only then did Zou Ying feel at ease and eat herself.
Later, Zou Ying became seriously ill.
(Pause: If you were the sister-in-law, how might you try to help Zou Ying?)
Out of desperation to help, her sister-in-law made a vow to the Heavens: "I wish for my sister-in-law to recover from her illness. I will accumulate merits and blessings by maintaining a vegetarian diet for the next three years. May all the merits and blessings be transferred to my sister-in-law."
Eventually, Zou Ying recovered. Such profound sincerity moved her mother's heart, and she became much kinder towards her daughter-in-law.
Later on, Zou Ying gave birth to five sons. Four of them passed the highest level of imperial exams and went on to become prominent government officials. Zou Ying also lived to the age of 93.
Commentary
I really admire Zou Ying, and I view her as an exemplar of deep kindness. Kindness, compassion, empathy, and consideration are all virtues that I'm trying to improve, and I should learn from Zou Ying's role modelling.
If I see someone mistreating another, I might criticize or reprimand the person for being unjust. But when Zou Ying saw her mother mistreating her sister-in-law, she never opposed her mother, viewed her in negative light, or criticized her out of anger. She could understand and tolerate her mother's faults, and she focused on helping her mother dissolve her anger as fast as possible each time. That's why she would take the blame for sister-in-law's mistakes even though it's not her fault.
She also sincerely urged her mother to change. Because she sincerely wanted the best for her mother, she was able to say the words, "Mother, one day I will marry into another family. Would you want my mother-in-law to beat me like this?" If her heart had opposition towards her mother, she wouldn't be able to think of such words. This shows her deep kindness towards her mother.
When she saw her sister-in-law being mistreated, she did not turn a blind eye toward, thinking, "It's none of my business." She proactively tried to help her sister-in-law, even to the point of taking on the blame for her sister-in-law's mistakes to help her mother calm down. Feeling bad for others' mistreatment is empathy. Speaking up about it and risking conflict is kindness. Continually being willing to suffer losses and mistreatment in order to help others is deep kindness, and that's something I can work on.
When her baby had an accident in her sister-in-law's room and died, I can only imagine how painful that must have been for her. For most people, a newborn baby is the most precious thing, especially to the mother who personally went through so much pain to give birth to the baby. If I were in her situation, I would probably be overstricken with grief, unable to think about anyone else's feelings in such pain.
But Zou Ying was still able to empathize with her mother and sister-in-law despite experiencing such a painful loss. She could understand that her mother would be extremely angry, and that her sister-in-law would be extremely guilt-stricken. Her empathy for others' feelings and desire to help others is so deep that she could let go of her own pain and instead focus on helping others. That's why she immediately said, "Mother, my sister-in-law didn’t know I had placed the child in her room. I was the one who put the child there. It's my fault." Such words would help to calm her mother's rage, and such deep kindness is truly admirable.
Of course, when her sister-in-law heard such words, she would feel even more guilt-stricken because she knows Zou Ying is trying to cover up for her yet again. That's why Zou Ying said, "Last night, I had a dream. In the dream, I saw that this child would die today. The child and I were incompatible by fate. If he remained alive, it would bring harm to me. So please, don't be so grieved."
When the sister-in-law heard such words, she might suspect that Zou Ying is making it up to comfort her, but she would surely appreciate Zou Ying's kind intentions. It's because of Zou Ying's deep kindness that her sister-in-law was able to quickly move on from that tragic accident and resume normal living.
From a third person's perspective, it seems like Zou Ying suffered a lot of trouble and mistreatment due to her sister-in-law and mother. But I imagine that from Zou Ying's perspective, she felt like she was just doing what's moral right to help maintain harmony in the family.
Moreover, what may seem like "suffering unfair trouble and mistreatment" was actually planting the seeds for future fortune. Because she gave so much kindness to her sister-in-law, when Zou Ying got sick, her sister-in-law practiced good deeds like vegetarianism for three years, everyday praying for her and dedicating merits to her.
Science has proven that our thoughts can affect the physical matter around us. For example, Dr. Emoto gathered over 100 people to single-mindedly pray for a polluted bay by Lake Biwa for one hour, and three days later, that bay became clean. Similarly, the sister-in-law's sincere prayers for Zou Ying would surely help her recovery.
When her mother saw how much Zou Ying cared for her sister-in-law, and later saw how much her sister-in-law cared for Zou Ying, the mother also had a change of heart, and the family became harmonious. A harmonious family is also a great fortune.
Later, Zou Ying gave birth to five sons, four of whom became high ranking government officials. Having great descendants with wealth and prestige is also a form of fortune. She also lived to 93, and longevity is also a form of fortune.
We can all learn from Zou Ying's deep kindness by
Taking (or at least sharing) the blame when others are criticized
Focusing on dissolving others' anger rather than judging them for it
Advising with the intention to help others, not to vent anger
Comforting others when they feel bad or guilt-stricken
Putting others' feelings first
Being willing to suffer trouble and mistreatment for the sake of others
Such deep kindness and virtues will naturally reap great fortune, and we ought to start with our closest relationships, such as with our parents, spouse, and family.
Weekly Wisdom #398
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