Daily Stoic February Review—Passions and Emotions

The Daily Stoic is a book with 366 quotes from Stoic philosophers on how to live a good life. I had previously read this a couple years ago and benefited a lot from it, and I've decided to read it again this year. Every day, I read the quote, the explanation, and then journal my thoughts and reflections. At the end of each month, I review my reflections and summarize the month.

February's topic is passions and emotions, and this article will summarize my February reflections.

Image Source: GPT

1: Being our own master is truly impressive and commendable.

A lot of people look up to those who are wealthy, famous, attractive, powerful, influential etc. But the stoics taught that being able to be our own master is true strength and worthy of praise.

Feb 1:

"Keep this thought handy when you feel a fit of rage coming on—it isn't manly to be enraged. Rather, gentleness and civility are more human, and therefore manlier. A real man doesn't give way to anger and discontent, and such a person has strength, courage, and endurance—unlike the angry and complaining. The nearer a man comes to a calm mind, the closer he is to strength."

—Marcus Aurelius

I remember hearing an analogy that went like this: a tough general can charge into battle without fear of death, but if you try to force him to overcome his bad habits, he'll squirm and struggle. Indeed, being able to master ourselves is not easy, which is why it is so commendable. In order to accomplish this, we need to work hard. Not just work hard, we need to train rigorously, like an Olympian.

Feb 18:

"This is the true athlete—the person in rigorous training against false impressions. Remain firm, you who suffer, don't be kidnapped by your impressions! The struggle is great, the task divine—to gain mastery, freedom, happiness, and tranquility."

—Epictetus

Training like a true athlete means taking the training very seriously. "Good enough" isn't good enough here; we're aiming for excellence. This requires us to know our triggers and weak spots, and then repeatedly practice drills to overcome them.

For example, if we know that a trigger for our anger is being unfairly criticized, then we need to consciously practice staying calm in such situations, until we become adept at it. That is training like an athlete. For what do we train? Mastery, freedom, happiness, and tranquility. Are these not worth the effort?

My Practice:

I keep a merit-fault journal where I write down the virtues I practiced and the mistakes I made each day. From analyzing my entries, I became aware of my common problems and triggers, and I worked out response tactics to deal with them. I also picked certain virtues that I want to work on and use my daily journal as a streak-tracker. This is my daily training for my character.

2: Not being able to control emotions is destructive.

Factually, this sounds obvious. But people don't take it to heart. Otherwise, people would be much more motivated to overcome negative emotions like anger, greed, arrogance, and fear.

Feb 10:

"There is no more stupefying thing than anger, nothing more bent on its own strength. If successful, none more arrogant, if foiled, none more insane—since it's not driven back by weariness even in defeat, when fortune removes its adversary it turns its teeth on itself."

—Seneca

Feb 7:

"Many are harmed by fear itself, and many may have come to their fate while dreading fate."

—Seneca

If a virus or bacteria wants to harm us, they have to first go through our immune system. But when we have negative emotions, that directly harms us from the inside. Negative emotions like anger and fear make us do irrational things that harm others and ourselves.

Moreover, according to both western and Chinese medicine, our emotions are key for our physical health. According to western medicine, when the brain feels certain emotions, it releases certain hormones into the blood, which will affect our physical health. Long-term stress weakens the immune system, anger raises blood pressure and is linked to heart disease, and victimization is linked to cancer.

According to Chinese medicine, anger hurts the liver, worry hurts the stomach, elation hurts the heart, sorrow hurts the lungs, and fear hurts the kidneys. On the contrary, positive emotions like contentment, serenity, and kindness are good for our emotions and body.

We need to realize the direct and great harm of negative emotions to motivate ourselves to overcome them.

My Practice:

I've experienced the pain of negative emotions, so I feel motivated to overcome them. Although I still succumb to these bad habits, I'm not content to remain this way. I reflect on each incident and write down my plan to do better next time. Also, I practice meditation daily to help preserve a calm state of mind.

3: Getting upset is nonsensical.

Sometimes, we may understand principles logically, but we may not resonate with them emotionally. The stoics understood this and used a lot of humorous and witty analogies to help us truly resonate with these principles and remember them better.

Feb 8:

"You cry, I'm suffering severe pain! Are you then relieved from feeling it, if you bear it in an unmanly way?"

—Seneca

I laughed at this one. Indeed, reacting so emotionally is kind of childish and immature. If someone is able to provoke us, then isn't our level of maturity basically the same as theirs?

Feb 23

"You shouldn't give circumstances the power to rouse anger, for they don't care at all."

—Marcus Aurelius

This one kind of stings. Indeed, the world doesn't care how any one person feels. Moreover, someone who is overly emotional repels people. If we truly want to attract the care and help of others, we need to be able to manage our emotions and communicate them in appropriate and polite ways.

Feb 29:

"When children stick their hand down a narrow goody jar they can't get their full fist out and start crying. Drop a few treats and you will get it out! Curb your desire—don't set your heart on so many things and you will get what you need."

—Epictetus

What a silly scene, right? Yet when we get overwhelmed or upset, it's because what we want exceeds what's realistic, like that child trying to grab a fist full of candy from the goody jar. Getting upset and crying when you can't get everything you want is nonsensical. Adjusting our wants is the sensical thing to do.

We only have so much time and energy, so we need to know what really matters and focus on those. We also need to be patient. If that child grabbed one candy at a time, his hand wouldn't get stuck. But if he's impatient and wants lots at once, he'll get stuck.

From another perspective, whenever we want to control something not within our control, that's analogous to grabbing a fist full of candy. It's a big ask, and reality often will not fulfill this demand. We might think, "That person is too unreasonable!" But excuse me, who said others have an obligation to follow your wishes? Are they your slave? Besides, if they treat us a certain way, it's surely related to the way we treat them. If we cannot even change ourselves to treat them with more courtesy and understanding, isn't it unreasonable and immature of us to expect them to be able to do that for us?

Feb 15

"Clear your mind and get a hold on yourself and, as when awakened from sleep and realizing it was only a bad dream upsetting you, wake up and see that what's there is just like those dreams."

—Marcus Aurelius

It's so interesting to me how Stoicism has many parallels with Buddhism. The Buddha also talked about how everything is like a dream, an illusion, a bubble, or a shadow. I wrote about this in more detail in another article, so I won't elaborate here.

The basic idea is that everything is impermanent and always changing, so we shouldn't think that we can control things, or that things should go according to our wishes. If we have this kind of attitude, we wouldn't be much more peaceful and detached in life.

My Practice:

I might not always be able to prevent negative emotions from arising, but after I calm down and write in my reflection journal, I use teachings like these to change my way of thinking and thus my feelings. I remember getting upset at some students for their "unreasonable" behavior, but then I thought about these teachings, and me getting angry at them would mean my level of maturity is the same as theirs…no thank you. Or if I feel very upset at something right now, just think about something very upsetting from the past. It feels so distant and blurry, like a dream. Why not just fast-forward to that feeling now?

4: Focus on what's in your control, and you will find calm.

Why do we experience negative emotions like anger, annoyance, anxiety, fear, worry, and upset? It's because we want something but cannot get it. These things are not within our control. If we instead turn our attention and energy onto what is within our control, we will regain peace of mind.

Feb 3:

"When I see an anxious person, I ask myself, what do they want? For if a person wasn't wanting something outside of their own control, why would they be stricken by anxiety?"

—Epictetus

Feb 9:

"We have the power to hold no opinion about a thing and to not let it upset our state of mind—for things have no natural power to shape our judgments."

—Marcus Aurelius

We often think it is the external person, event, or thing that upsets us. But the external condition is just a condition. The true cause is ourselves. To give an analogy, we are the seed, and the external things are like water and sunlight. Without the seed of anger, the fruit of anger wouldn't be possible. Other people could face the exact situation and feel calm or kindness. Thus, the key is to cultivate our mind, our way of thinking, and our virtues.

Icon Sources: Flaticon

Abraham Lincoln had a great technique to prevent the harm of negative emotions.

Feb 26:

"Abraham Lincoln occasionally got fuming mad with a subordinate, one of his generals, even a friend. Rather than taking it out on that person directly, he'd write a long letter, outlining his case why they were wrong and what he wanted them to know. Then Lincoln would fold it up, put the letter in his desk drawer, and never send it. many of these letters survive only by chance."

My Practice:

Every morning, I visualize the people and matters that have upset or annoyed me greatly in the past or recently, and then I thank them for letting me realize my deficiencies in cultivation, and then I bow to them. In this way, I train myself to view these "problem" situations as tests of my cultivation instead of as problems.

I also practice six ways of endurance, which are

1. Enduring through force: when anger rises, force it down. Just say "OK" or "Sorry" or say nothing at all.

2. Enduring through forgetting: Wait 24 hours. Wait until you feel calm to think about it rationally.

3. Enduring through reflection: Focus on my part of the problem. Correct myself.

4. Enduring through observation: Observe impermanence and karma.

5. Enduring through compassion: Understand their perspective and difficulties.

6. Enduring through joy: View it as a test to elevate your cultivation.

Image Source: GPT

I have written an article to explain these in detail, so I won't elaborate here. Lincoln's method falls under enduring through forgetting. I've used it many times. It's one of my go-to methods because it works very well. So many things that upset us are actually small things. Once we are calm, we'll realize there's really no need to bicker about such trivial matters.

5: Guard against indulgence

Modern society, especially in media and TV, seems to be hedonistic, encouraging sensual pleasures to the extreme, whether it's tastes, sounds, scents, feelings, sights, or experiences. Proper amounts are fine, but excess becomes unhealthy indulgences that hurt our health and peace of mind.

Feb 11:

"Our soul is sometimes a king, and sometimes a tyrant. A king, by attending to what is honorable, protects the good health of the body in its care, and gives it no base or sordid command. But an uncontrolled, desire-fueled, over-indulged soul is turned from a king into that most feared and detest thing—a tyrant."

—Seneca

In my perspective, a king is a kind and wise person who inspires followers. A tyrant, on the other hand, is selfish, stubborn, arrogant, and despised. The only reason people follow a tyrant is because they have no choice, but they're plotting to overthrow him. We all have the choice to be kind and wise, but it takes conscious effort. If we delight in indulgence and lack self-control, then we will become like a tyrant that people despise.

Feb 13:

"Whenever you get an impression of some pleasure, as with any impression, guard yourself from being carried away with it, let it await your action, give yourself a pause. After that, bring to mind both times, first when you have enjoyed the pleasure and later when you will regret it and hate yourself. Then compare to those the joy and satisfaction you'd feel for abstaining all together. However, if a seemingly appropriate time arises to act on it, don't be overcome by its comfort, pleasantness, and allure—but against all of this, how much better the consciousness and conquering it."

—Epictetus

Pleasures are fleeting. When we are obsessed with short-term pleasure, all we can think about is that moment of high, and we forget the feeling of low and craving that follows. If we can calm ourselves down, we can then think about how this negative cycle creates more suffering than happiness, and that what we really want is long-lasting happiness and peace of mind. Indeed, when we can discipline ourselves to do the nobler thing, to overcome our indulgences, to be indifferent to them, that sense of self-mastery is much more joyful.

My Practice:

Habit research shows that if we want to overcome a bad habit, it's hard to just stop it, but it's much easier if we replace it with another better habit. For example, I used to be a bit addicted to sweets. Instead of just not eating sweets, I replaced it with healthy snacks like dates and nuts. These healthy snacks don't create cravings like the processed snacks do, and slowly, those cravings went away. I also used to game a lot, but I replaced it with better activities like learning and volunteering. The joy of growth and kindness is much more fulfilling than the mind-numbing "fun" of certain games.

6: Be careful and thoughtful with words.

The Stoics talk a lot about cultivating the mind and changing our focus from what's not in our control to what is in our control. But aside from cultivating the mind, cultivating our speech is also extremely important. We speak so much every day. Improper speech attracts a lot of conflict and trouble, while good speech creates fortune.

Feb 22:

"Cato practiced the kind of public speech capable of moving the masses, believing proper political philosophy takes care like any great city to maintain the warlike element. But he was never seen practicing in front of others, and no one ever heard him rehearse a speech. When he was told that people blamed him for his silence, he replied, 'Better they not blame my life. I begin to speak only when I'm certain what I'll say isn't better left unsaid.'"

—Plutarch, Cato the Younger

I have great admiration towards Cato for his discipline in speech. That requires great discipline of mind, always remaining in a calm and steady state of mind. I'm also reminded of Socrates' Triple Filter Test: Is it true? Is it good? Is it useful? If not, don't say it.

Image Source

Knowing is one thing. But actually reflecting on how much of our speech today was not true, not good, or not useful is another thing that few people do.

My Practice:

I have identified what kind of pointless speech I tend to say: explaining when others aren't in the frame of mind to listen, talking when others are busy, debating over trivial things. I am working on these. I also proactively practice saying more words of consideration and affirmation.

Conclusion

February was all about mastering our passions and emotions. Of course, one month probably isn't enough time for most people to attain mastery, but it's a good start. We ought to realize that being overly emotional is not just harmful to ourselves and others, it's also nonsensical.

Additionally, we need to have a strong and steady spirit that isn't tempted by indulgences. Abiding in such a spirit is much more joyful and peaceful than abiding in the weak spirit that chases fleeting pleasures. Finally, we ought to be careful and thoughtful with our speech, only speaking what is good and useful.

The method of practice is, as always, to focus on what's in our control, specifically our perception of things. Circumstances are neutral. How we perceive them determines how we feel about them. Our way of thinking is a habit, but we can change that habit with practice, just like how an athlete is able to improve their body and technique with practice.

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Weekly Wisdom #383