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Daily Stoic October Review – Virtue and Kindness
The Daily Stoic is a book with 366 quotes from Stoic philosophers on how to live a good life. I had previously read this a couple years ago and benefited a lot from it, and I've decided to read it again this year. Every day, I read the quote, the explanation, and then journal my thoughts and reflections. At the end of each month, I review my reflections and summarize the month.
The theme for October is "Virtue and Kindness", and this article will summarize my October reflections:
1. Our purpose in life is to let virtue shine bright.
2. The function of virtue is to harmonize relationships.
3. The result of virtue is happiness, peace, and success.
4. We all have innate goodness.
1: Our purpose in life is to let virtue shine bright.
What is the purpose and meaning of life? It’s a question that people have been asking since ancient times, including the Stoics.
October 1:
"Does the light of a lamp shine and keep its glow until its fuel is spent? Why shouldn't your truth, justice, and self-control shine until you are extinguished?"
—Marcus Aurelius
Light is produced by a lamp. Similarly, virtue should be produced by humans. To virtuous is to be human. To be unvirtuous is to have a human shell without the essence. Just as a lamp produces light until the end, we should be virtuous until the end. That is a purpose worth living.
I’m reminded of another quote by Marcus Aurelius:
“Life is short—the fruit of this life is a good character and acts for the common good."
October 9:
Ask yourself: "Is this the kind of thing the person I would like to be should do?"
—Ryan Holiday
If we want to have no regrets at the end of life, we should often ask ourselves, “Am I being the kind of person I truly want to be?”
Nobody wants to be a villain that is detested by everyone. Everyone would rather be a good and virtuous person liked by others. But when negative emotions or hardships come, we might forget that. Thus, we need to often remind ourselves of the person we want to be remembered as, and then live like that.
October 22:
"So someone's good at taking down an opponent, but that doesn't make them more community-minded, or modest, or well-prepared for any circumstance, or more tolerant of the faults of others."
—Marcus Aurelius
Some people chase talent and abilities in life. They want to be at the top of their field. Perhaps they take joy in excellence, or they want to win, or they want fame. These are all dangerous paths in life.
Marcus Aurelius is saying that developing virtues should come before developing talent and abilities. Developing virtues entails being community-minded, modest, careful, and tolerant. With virtues, we will use our abilities to help others and benefit society. This is win-win. A person who lacks virtues but has strong abilities may end up using their abilities to harm the world, which will ultimately harm themselves.
October 30:
"Aren't you ashamed to reserve for yourself only the remnants of your life and to dedicate to wisdom only that time can't be directed to business?"
—Seneca
"If real self-improvement is what we're after, why do we leave our reading until those few minutes before we shut off the lights and go to bed?...The average person somehow manages to squeeze in 28 hours of television per week—but ask them if they had time to study philosophy, and they will probably tell you they're too busy."
—Ryan Holiday
What we value in life is reflected by how we spend our time, especially our free time. Some people spend a lot of time on entertainment and pleasures because that’s all they’ve known to be pleasurable in life. Others do it because they’re stressed, and they use it to de-stress. But ultimately, these are just temporary pleasures or temporary relief. If we’re seeking greater meaning and deeper fulfillment, entertainment and pleasures won’t be enough.
Deep meaning and fulfillment come from serving the greater good and improving ourselves. When we truly understand this, we would naturally prioritize self-improvement and learning.
My Practice
Growing up, I was taught that grades and talent were most important. The people with the best grades and the most talent were recognized and rewarded. Virtues like diligence, kindness, and respect were sometimes talked about, but not as much as grades and talent, so I didn’t pay as much attention to virtues.
After learning philosophy, I changed my values. I started valuing virtues first, especially wisdom, kindness, and humility. I gradually substituted time spent on games and TV for time learning philosophy and writing articles to share my learnings. Games sucked my attention and time in, and I didn’t feel good afterwards. Learning philosophy was captivating in a different way, and it made me feel nourished afterwards.
Although I’m very busy, I prioritize learning and practicing philosophy. I have daily readings and meditation in the morning, and daily self-reflection at night, where I reflect on whether I’ve lived according to the virtues that I want to live by. These practices don’t take up that much time, and the important thing is that I persist every single day. Small amounts compounded every day over long periods of time lead to big results!
2: The function of virtue is to harmonize relationships.
The goal of cultivating our virtues isn’t to make ourselves better than others or to garner others’ admiration. The goal is to harmonize relationships. If in the process of cultivating virtues, we create more conflict with others, then we’re doing it wrong.
October 3:
"Meditate often on the interconnectedness and mutual interdependence of all things in the universe. For in a sense, all things are mutually woven together and therefore have an affinity for each other."
—Marcus Aurelius
October 4:
"That which isn't good for the hive, isn't good for the bee."
—Marcus Aurelius
We live in an interdependent world. Everything we do affects the people around us, and the effect on others will come back to us. If we make the people around us unhappy, it’s going to be hard for us to remain happy in the long-run. If we make the people around us happy, it’s hard to not be happy ourselves. Helping others isn’t just noble, it’s actually helping ourselves. Harming others isn’t just dishonorable, it’s actually harming ourselves.
October 13:
"The best way to avenge yourself is to not be like that."
—Marcus Aurelius
"How much better to heal than seek revenge from injury. Vengeance wastes a lot of time and exposes you to many more injuries than the first that sparked it. Anger always outlasts hurt. Best to take the opposite course. Would anyone think it normal to return a kick to a mule or a bite to a dog?"
—Seneca
"If someone treats you rudely and you respond with rudeness, you have not done anything but prove to them that they were justified in their actions. If you meet other people's dishonesty with dishonesty of your own, guess what? You're proving them right—now everyone is a liar. Instead, today, let's seek to be better than the things that disappoint or hurt us. Let's try to be the example we'd like others to follow. "
—Ryan Holiday
Energy is contagious. For most of us, when someone is very happy, their happiness rubs off on us; when someone is impatient towards us, we become impatient towards them; when other people mistreat us, we want to get revenge. The work of cultivation is precisely to not be pulled along by other people’s emotions. What others do is their matter, but how I respond is my cultivation.
There is a saying that goes, “It takes two to argue.” It only takes one person to start an argument, but it takes two people to keep it going. If both people fuel each other’s anger, then the conflict will worsen and worsen. But if just one person refuses to get angry and instead remains calm and polite, the conflict will stop. Who will that person be? Chances are, not the other person. So, it’s either we rise to the challenge or fall together with them. The choice is ours.
My Practice
When I was a teenager, I used to think that people and relationships are such a burden. How wonderful it would be if I could just be fully independent and not need anyone for anything in life!
As I got older and after learning philosophy, I realized that it’s impossible to be cut off from people. Everyone is highly interdependent on each other. Therefore, our happiness is dependent on our ability to have good relationships, and that’s what philosophy teaches us to do. However we wish others to treat us, we need to do it to them first. If we want others to treat us with love and respect, we need to do it for others, even and especially when they don’t do it to us. Such is cultivation.
After learning philosophy, another change was that I started thinking more about the impact of decisions on the larger group and in the long-term instead of just the impact on myself and in the short-term. This is wisdom.
I changed from being self-centered all the time to being more others-centered. I often think about how others feel, what they are thinking, what would benefit them, and what would make them happy. This is kindness. I’m not perfect at it, but at least I have the awareness that I should be cultivating this.
Before learning philosophy, I used to get annoyed quite easily, and I would complain and criticize others. The funny thing is, these complaints and criticism never improved the situation, yet I would keep doing it.
Once I learned philosophy, I made the decision to be the person that stops the negative cycle of arguing. It’s not easy, and I often failed, but at least I tried. As I practiced more, I got better at controlling my temper in the heat of the moment, and now, I’m much more tolerant and harmonious compared to before.
3: The result of virtue is happiness, peace, and success.
Cultivating virtue isn’t just a noble thing to do to earn other people’s admiration. It is truly necessary for happiness, peace of mind, and success in life.
October 8:
"Yes, getting your wish would have been so nice. But isn't that exactly why pleasure trips us up? Instead, see if these things might be even nicer—a great soul, freedom, honesty, kindness, saintliness. For there is nothing so pleasing as wisdom itself, when you consider how sure-footed and effortless the works of understanding and knowledge are."
—Marcus Aurelius
People who don’t learn philosophy often think, “I’ll be happy when I get what I want.” The problem is, what they want is not completely in their control, which is why they are on an emotional rollercoaster. Philosophy teaches us to seek virtue, which is fully in our control. Self-mastery, the ability to be in charge of our thoughts and feelings, is extremely empowering and pleasing. When we can respond virtuously to all situations, even the bad ones, then we are always creating a better future.
October 7:
"The person who does wrong, does wrong to themselves. The unjust person is unjust to themselves—making themselves evil."
—Marcus Aurelius
"There is a reason there's often vomit at crime scenes. Instead of the catharsis the person thought they'd feel when they let themselves get out of control or when they got their revenge, they ended up making themselves sick. We feel a version of this when we lie, when we cheat, when we screw someone over."
—Ryan Holiday
This reminds me of a quote from Confucius:
"Exemplary people take joy in being exemplary. Petty people cheat themselves in being petty."
(Original text: 君子樂得為君子，小人冤枉做小人)
Since the result of virtue is happiness and peace of mind, then the result of vice is suffering and guilt. This is a great standard to see if we are cultivating correctly: Are we gaining more happiness and peace or mind? Or are we suffering more or have a guilty conscience?
October 15:
"Everything turns on your assumptions about it, and that's on you. You can pluck out the hasty judgment at will, and like steering a ship around the point, you will find calm seas, fair weather, and a safe port."
—Marcus Aurelius
"A virtuous person does not jump to hasty judgments about other people. A virtuous person is generous with assumptions: that something was an accident, that someone didn't know, that it won't happen again. This makes life easier to bear and makes us more tolerant. Meanwhile, assuming malice—the most hasty of judgments—makes everything harder to bear. Be deliberate and accommodating with your assumptions about other people and you'll find, as Marcus says, calmer seas and fairer weather."
—Ryan Holiday
Most people don't have negative intentions. People don’t wake up in the morning thinking, “I can’t wait to make so and so upset today!” Most people either have good intentions or neutral intentions. It's just that we misunderstood them, or they misunderstood the situation.
We don't like it when others wrongly criticize us or assume we have bad intentions, so we shouldn't do that to others. We all wish others would assume good intentions of us, so we should do that to others.
My Practice
After learning and practicing philosophy, my relationships got better, and I gained more happiness, peace of mind, and success in my endeavors. Virtues like kindness, respect, and humility improved my relationships. Virtues like calmness, adaptability, and carefulness improved my peace of mind and success.
I remind myself to not hope for things to go according to my wishes. I can have wishes and plans, but it’s very normal for things to not go according to my wishes. What I seek is to have the virtues and abilities required to adapt to whatever happens in an effective way. This is the way to reassurance and peace of mind.
I also work on assuming good intentions in others when I get upset or annoyed. For example, I’m teaching some tough kids this year. They often don’t listen to instructions, interrupt or ignore the teacher, don’t do homework, and challenge the teacher. Rather than assuming they’re just trouble makers who want to annoy the teacher, I assume neutral or even positive intentions.
I believe that they are just like everyone else, trying to live in a way that makes them happy. They aren’t purposely trying to make others unhappy. They don’t hate anybody. They just aren’t aware of the impact of their actions on other people, and it’s my job to help them learn to be considerate towards others.
Moreover, they aren’t purposely trying to forget homework. They’re just forgetful about everything. I can help by having them write it down and checking every day. I also give detention if they don’t finish their homework. This isn’t because I like punishing them, but rather it’s to help them develop good habits by realizing that bad behavior has negative consequences.
When they challenge me, they aren’t trying to upset me or disrespect me. They really haven’t learned respect from their parents, and they truly feel like what I said has problems. If they learned respect, or if they felt what I said is reasonable, they wouldn’t challenge me so blatantly. It’s my job to teach them to communicate more respectfully.
When I interpret their intentions positively, I harmonize myself towards them, and I can accept them for the way they are while simultaneously guiding them to improve.
4: We all have innate goodness.
October 31:
"The human being is born with an inclination toward virtue."
—Musonius Rufus
"The notion of original sin has weighed down humankind for centuries. In reality, we're made to help each other and be good to each other. We wouldn't have survived otherwise…If you've gotten far from that, it's not out of some inborn corruption, but from a nurturing of the wrong things and the wrong ideas. As Seneca has pointed out, philosophy is a tool to strip it all away—to get back to our true nature."
—Ryan Holiday
As mentioned before in part 1, virtue is the essence of being human. People naturally want to help each other. People naturally like virtuous people and dislike sinful people. When people hear the good teachings of philosophy, they naturally nod their heads in agreement.
The reason why some people seem to incline more towards vice is related to the problem of education. They were taught the wrong things. But if people start to learn morality and ethics now, they can recover their innate goodness.
Coincidentally (or not), the Chinese philosopher Mencius also advocated for human nature being innately good. He said that we all have the sprouts of compassion, righteousness, courtesy, and rationality. However, we need to nurture these sprouts for them to grow stronger. To nurture these sprouts, we need to practice these virtues.
October 17:
"Nature bids us to do well by all…Wherever there is a human being, we have an opportunity for kindness."
—Seneca
Neuroscientists have also found that the human brain is wired for kindness. When we help others, the pleasure centers in our brain are activated. From an evolutionary perspective, it would make sense that the people who help others would survive more because groups of people are stronger than individuals. Cooperation and kindness are in our DNA.
Although we have innate goodness, we also have bad tendencies like being self-centered. In order to grow our innate goodness, we need to practice kindness. Fortunately, there are countless opportunities each day because as Seneca said, wherever there is a human being, we can practice kindness.
My Practice
I used to think that some people are just bad. I think I got this notion from movies and games, where the villain just seems to be evil from the start. When people did bad things that upset me, I would think they need to have justice served.
After learning that human nature is innately good, I started being these “bad” people in a different light. They aren’t bad out of choice. They have innate goodness, but they were unfortunate to have an upbringing that taught them vices. They are victims of their circumstance. If I can help, I should. If I can’t help much, then I should at least be tolerant and understanding.
As a teacher, I’ve also seen that even the “bad” students have innate goodness. When we praise them for their good deeds, they are happy. When we tell them we are disappointed, that we thought they could do better, they actually feel a little ashamed of themselves. But if we criticize and blame them, they’ll feel annoyed and want to show us how bad they can really be. Thus, we have to be aware of how our actions influence others. Faith and encouragement towards others water their good seeds. Blame and opposition water their bad seeds.
Conclusion
October was all about virtue and kindness. Stoicism teaches us that a meaningful purpose in life is to let virtue shine bright. In the process of cultivating virtues, our relationships should become more harmonious, leading to more happiness, peace of mind, and success in our endeavors. Moreover, every person is born with an inclination towards virtue, but it’s up to us to nurture and grow that goodness. As for those who seem to incline to evil currently, they too can turn around if provided with proper nurture and education.
Weekly Wisdom #418
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