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Icon Sources: 1, 2 There was a renowned actor about to go on stage. His student passed by and told him, "Sir, your shoelaces are untied." The actor nodded and said thanks, then he knelt down and tied his shoelaces. After his student left, he knelt down again and untied his shoelaces. An observer saw the whole scene and was thoroughly confused. He asked, "Why did you untie your shoelaces again?" The actor replied, "Because I am playing the role of an exhausted traveler. Having my shoelaces untied shows how long and difficult the journey has been." The observer asked, "Then why didn't you just say that to your student?" The actor replied, "The fact that my student noticed that my shoelaces were untied shows that he is very observant. He also notified me, which shows that he is very considerate. I have to protect and encourage his goodness. Besides, there will be lots of opportunities in the future to tell him why my shoelaces were untied." (Story Source: Harvard Family Instruction, Chapter 1) Commentary This story reminds me of a principle for good relationships that I've been working on: See the intention behind their action. Most of us tend to over-focus on people's actions and forget to consider the intention behind the action. Sometimes, we get annoyed or upset at other people's actions, but the person actually had positive or neutral intentions. In such a situation, the other person would feel wrongfully treated if we get annoyed at them. I'm very impressed at this actor's ability to see his student's intentions rather than just focusing on the matter. Moreover, he used the words "protect" and "encourage". "Encourage" is not surprising; we want to encourage people to have good intentions. But the word "protect" caught my attention. Indeed, it can be hard to find people who always hold positive intentions towards others in our modern society. One factor is likely due to popular media promoting selfishness and self-centeredness a lot more than compassion and humility. Thus, if we encounter people trying to be good, we should try to protect their goodness. How do we protect and encourage people's good intentions? Well, it depends on the situation. First we have to see their good intentions, then we can affirm their intentions by saying things like "Thanks for your consideration" or "Thanks for your good intentions." Other times, we just follow their request, as was the case in the story. My Experience In my experience, parents might ask us to do things that we feel are unnecessary, but if we consider their good intentions more, we'd be more patient with them and more likely to listen to them. For example, I was recently fixing the grout in between some kitchen tiles. One tile had a crack, and my mom asked me to put some grout on the crack. I explained that the grout won't work on the crack because grout is meant for the area between kitchen tiles; it is not meant for a crack in the tile itself. Plus, it would look ugly. She still insisted. I asked why, and she said she's worried about safety. At first, I didn't understand how a crack in a kitchen tile constitutes a safety problem. But then I remembered she talked about how a neighbor's kitchen tile cracked and sunk into the floor. Although I still don't think a crack in a kitchen tile is dangerous, I could sort of see why my mother is worried. If I just consider the matter itself, I wouldn't put grout on the crack, but I considered my mother's intentions (safety), so I did what she wanted. This was my way of focusing on people's intention more than the matter itself. Recently at work, a fellow teacher invited me to teach his beginner English class because he wanted to learn from me. Although he viewed me as a senior, I still asked him to give me feedback on my teaching afterwards. He told me to be more careful with time management because I went a little overtime. I was going to explain to him that I actually paid very careful attention to time management throughout the class, and I wanted to explain how I made that judgment call to go a little overtime rather than skipping something important. But I stopped myself. One reason is because I wanted to cultivate humility. After all, overtime is overtime; his advice is reasonable. But I also remembered this story, and I saw that his intention was simply to help. Plus, it takes courage to give advice to a senior. Ultimately, I wanted to affirm his intentions and courage. If I explain myself, then he might not want to give me advice again in the future. Hence, I simply said, "Thank you, I will be more careful in the future." Conclusion Don't over-focus on people's words or actions. Instead, consider the intentions behind their actions. Most of the time, people have positive or neutral intentions, so we shouldn't get annoyed. We should also try to protect and encourage people's positive intentions because that is precious. After all, don't we all want a world with more good people? Weekly Wisdom #243

By cultivating our morality and virtues, thereby making us less reactive to external circumstances and ancient philosophies, and ancient philosophers all emphasize the importance of cultivating morality and virtues

A recently graduated PhD just got hired to be the lab manager of a prestigious research lab. What's more, he is the only PhD on his team; the other two team members only hold a Master's degree. Since he wanted to get to know his team members better, he asked them if they would like to do something over the weekend. The two team members said they usually go to a nearby pond to fish and relax and invited him to join this Saturday. He happily agreed. On Saturday, they met at the pond, fished, and chatted over some drinks. Suddenly, the first team member said he needs to use the washroom. The PhD thought the team member would walk around the pond to reach the washroom across the pond. To his surprise, the person hopped across the pond as if he could walk on water! After the person came back, they started chatting again. Soon, the second team member said he needs to use the washroom too. Amazingly, this person also hopped across the water to reach the washroom! The PhD was baffled, but he was too embarrassed to ask these Master's students how they did it. Not long after, the PhD also needed to use the washroom. He looked at the water, then he looked at his team members and thought to himself, "I'm a PhD. If they can do it, I can do it too!" Image Source He hopped onto the water. SPLASH. The two team members pulled him out and asked, "Why did you jump into the water?! You should walk around the pond!" The PhD said, "But I saw you guess hop across the water, so I thought I could too!" The team members said, "Oh that's because we are very familiar with this pond. There are stones across the pond that lead to the other side. Since there was heavy rain the past few days, the water covered the stones. But we know where the stones are, so we can hop across." Commentary There's a Chinese saying that goes, "Arrogance brings harm. Humility brings benefit." This story is a light-hearted example. If we think about it, people can become arrogant from so many things, such as fame, wealth, position, appearances, and even educational background. Perhaps some might argue, "What's wrong with being proud of these things? I worked hard for them!" Firstly, when we think we are great, we become less careful, and that’s when it’s easy to make mistakes. The PhD in the story was so arrogant about his PhD status that he thought he could hop on water! Secondly, when we think we are great, it becomes hard to improve. If we are not improving, then we will fall behind. If that PhD is very complacent with his PhD status, then he might not spend enough effort keeping up with the changes in his field, which would result in him falling behind. Thirdly, when we think we are great, we give off an air of arrogance, and other people will dislike us. I can imagine that PhD giving orders to his team members without considering their feelings, or pointing out every little mistake that others make. Indeed, when there's an arrogant person in the group, all the other people know it, and we all try to avoid that person. Once we see the harm of arrogance, we are much more willing to practice humility. A humble person is someone who is always seeking to learn from others, no matter if they are an expert or a child. If you are trying to learn from them, you would naturally be respectful and polite towards them, and that leaves a good impression on others. Since a humble person is always learning and improving, they wouldn't fall behind in their field. Finally, a humble person is very careful in all matters because they are always trying to improve themselves through even the small things. My Experience I usually teach high school students in Canada, but recently, I had the opportunity to teach some elementary school students in Malaysia. Initially, I never thought that I could learn from such young kids. One day, two brothers had a fight in my class, and I couldn't make them happy. Later that day, they got happy on their own. I was baffled at how they went from angry to happy so fast. I asked one of them, "How did you become happy?" He said, "I don't know. I went to do other things." Another teacher told me, "They are kids. They don't make a big fuss about things after the fact like us adults do." I realized in some ways, little kids are better than me, and I should learn from them. Indeed, anyone can be our teacher if we are humble. Another time, a colleague told me, "Don't give suggestions in front of that person. She is very arrogant and always asserts her own opinions over others." It's a shame that people are not willing to give her suggestions and point out her problems. What's worse, her arrogance makes others feel uncomfortable around her, which means people are less willing to help her. She is a very enthusiastic and well-intentioned person with great ability, but without humility, it will be hard for her to improve and get better opportunities in the future. These past couple of months, I've been tutoring someone English. Since I have experience in this field, I used my usual method. Later, I found out from a friend of the student that my method was not as effective as I thought. Although my method worked well for previous students, every student is different, and I realized I needed to make some adjustments. If I had been more humble from the beginning, I wouldn't have assumed that this job is easy and that I can just do what I've always done. Moreover, I shouldn't just teach English for the sake of teaching, but rather try to improve my teaching abilities with each class. Conclusion Arrogance is a very subtle but harmful trait that we all have. The minor consequences might be thinking we can hop on water…The major consequences might be offending the people around us and continuously making the same mistakes because no one is willing to advise us. As D.L. Moody said, "Be humble, or you'll stumble." Weekly Wisdom #233

They are all examiners, testing your virtues.

Recently, I was talking to my mentor about some conflicts I had with people. Essentially, they think I'm wrong, and I think they're wrong. Being the wise person that he is, my mentor didn't side with anybody. Instead, he said, "Faults are like poop. When it's your own, you don't care. But when you see other people's, you're absolutely appalled. Isn't that hypocritical?" Icon Sources: 1, 2 I understood his analogy and stopped complaining. Indeed, instead of arguing who's right, the conflict would be easily dissolved if I simply tolerated the other person's faults. After all, we all have faults and bad habits. If we could tolerate others' faults the same way we tolerate our own faults, then there'd be no conflict! This isn't to say that their behavior doesn't need improvement, but I should focus on improving myself first because that's in my control, and only when I improve myself do I have the right to ask others to improve. Moreover, using a blaming attitude towards others just makes things worse. If we can tolerate and accept them for where they're at, then we can approach them with patience, tolerance, and encouragement. As I reflected on this analogy more, I found other similarities between faults and poop. For example, some people have very negative and critical self-talk. If a person talks to oneself harshly, then she will probably talk to others harshly as well. I certainly have had this experience, and I've had to work on my self-talk to become more positive, loving, and respectful. We can remember the poop analogy again. No one scolds themselves saying, "What's wrong with you! You pooped again!" or "You're such a horrible person for needing to poop every single day!" or "Wow, your poop is so stinky. You're such a failure." Similarly, we shouldn't scold ourselves every time we make a mistake. We should encourage ourselves the way we would encourage a little kid learning to walk: with a loving tone and strong belief. We can tell ourselves, "Making mistakes is a normal part of being human and a natural part of the learning process. The important thing is that I learn from my mistakes. I should judge myself based on my ability to correct my mistakes quickly as opposed to not making mistakes. I can definitely do better next time!" Another way faults are like poop is that we shouldn't hold on to them. If we have lots of faults, others will avoid us as if we smell like poop. If we keep holding on to our poop, it will hurt us. Similarly, if we don't eliminate our faults, whether it be anger, laziness, arrogance, or carelessness, those faults will keep hurting us. Unfortunately, a lot of us have gotten used to "fault constipation", so eliminating mistakes doesn't come as naturally to us as eliminating poop; it's something we have to consciously work on. To continue this analogy even further, both faults and poop ought to be studied. Studying our poop gives us clues about our digestion, which is why doctors ask us about our poop! Similarly, our faults and mistakes give us clues about our mental and emotional health because all mistakes stem from the mind. If we can study our faults and mistakes and correct them, then we will become better people. An important principle in medicine is to treat the root cause as opposed to the symptom. For example, if a person has constipation, eating laxatives is treating the symptom. As soon as you stop eating those pills, the constipation returns. Oftentimes, the root is in the person's diet. Perhaps if the person ate more fiber in their daily diet, the constipation might go away. That's thinking in terms of the root as opposed to the symptoms. The same is true for studying our faults. The bad action we do is the symptom, but the root of the problem is in our mind and deep inner beliefs. For example, I have a bad habit of complaining. The act of complaining is the surface-level result, but the cause is in my mind. My mind is too entitled and arrogant; I believe that everyone should think like me. Hence, I can fix the root by changing my thoughts. Instead of telling myself, "What! This person is so unreasonable!" I change my thoughts to, "No one tries to be stupid or bad on purpose. Everyone is doing what they think is right, or they are acting out of habit. Either case, I shouldn't be judgmental towards them because I am the same." This is just one example of getting to the root of a fault. Everyone has different faults and bad habits, and we all need to find the root of our problems. After we figure out the root problem, we'll have to undergo a period of training to unlearn an old thinking pattern and learn a new thinking pattern. I previously wrote about my 21-Day No Complaint Challenge, which was a great kickstart to my training. But even now, I still catch myself complaining, so we need to persist for a long time to change an old habit. Even though it's hard work, it's certainly better than being full of poop/faults! These are just some of my realizations from the fault-poop analogy. The next time you get annoyed at somebody's fault or problem, try to treat them the same way you would treat yourself when you see your own poop. And of course, we all need to work on eliminating our poop and faults! Weekly Wisdom #252

Commentary When life is tough, people often cultivate virtues like diligence, frugality, and humility But when people gain wealth and power, if they lack virtues, then vices like greed and arrogance may What makes them good or bad depends on whether or not we have enough virtues to handle them. If a person understands the virtue of humility, he is the person who also understands the importance Conclusion In bad times, cultivate virtues, and fortune will come.

Do you have a negative impression of religion? Many people do, and it's because improper religions are so common nowadays. What's more, many people get sucked into improper religions, thinking that they are being "saved" and that they need to "save" others. Even if we haven't encountered improper religions yet, we or our loved ones might encounter them in the future, so it's important to know how to differentiate proper religions from improper ones. These standards are actually really similar to differentiating proper people from improper people, so even if religion doesn't concern you, you can extend these standards to people in general.   For a quick background on why I wrote this article, I grew up in Toronto, Canada, and I remember during my student years, our teachers would tell us to respect all religions. My classmates were quite multicultural and had varying religious beliefs, including Christian, Jewish, Muslim, and Hindu, but most were atheists.   I had a pretty neutral idea of religion until around high school, when I started hearing about all the crazy things that religious people do, such as war, terrorist attacks, and suicide bombing. These all gave me a negative impression on religion. It wasn't until after university, when I started learning about Buddhism, that I changed my negative bias towards religion because I encountered a proper teacher named Venerable Jing Kong. This past week was the second year anniversary of his departure, so this post is in honour of that.   From Venerable Jing Kong and his student, Venerable Chengde, I learned about the differences between proper and improper religions, and in order to help others avoid improper religions, I wrote this post. While these standards are mostly from the perspective of Buddhism, they should be able to be extended to other religions and to people in general. If even one of these red flags exist, we have to be very cautious. Icon Sources: 1 , 2 1: Improper religious leaders are arrogant. Proper religious leaders are humble. Improper religious leaders will often brag about themselves and put down others.   Proper religious leaders will often talk about their lack of cultivation and how they still have not completely practiced all of the religious teachings. They also praise other sects, leaders, and religions.   2: Improper religious leaders make you feel scared or worried. Proper religious leaders are gentle and wouldn't give you pressure. For example, an improper religious leader might say, “If you don’t stay here by my side, you and your family might attract disaster. If you leave here, you cannot come back.”   A proper religious leader would never want to give you pressure. They would help you feel at ease. They should be warm-hearted and sensitive to others' feelings.   3: Improper religious leaders don't practice the religious precepts. Proper religious leaders do. For example, Buddhism has five basic precepts: Don’t kill, don’t steal, don’t commit adultery, don’t lie, and don’t drink alcohol. Buddhism also teaches us to eliminate the five mental positions: greed, anger, ignorance, arrogance, and doubt.   If a religious leader has a terrible temper, or is a pervert, or charges money for classes, or gives you pressure to donate, or gets drunk, or makes you doubt yourself, these are all red flags. Improper religious leaders don’t emphasize or practice these precepts and teachings. They might even say they are above them. A proper religious leader would emphasize the precepts and religious texts. They would often say that they haven’t practiced them well and are still working hard to improve. They lead by example.   4: Improper religious leaders focus on superstitious worship. Proper religious leaders focus on moral education. Improper religious leaders often focus on religious ceremonies that help deceased souls or that can eliminate sins and negative karma. These things are hard to verify, and the leader doesn't explain the logic behind it, so followers tend to just take the leader's word for it. The leader might then brag about their "results". Since followers don't really understand what's happening, and they just blindly trust the leader's words, it's quite superstitious.   Proper religious leaders would educate people on how to help deceased souls and reduce negative karma, which is through our moral cultivation. Proper religious leaders would also explain the purpose behind these religious ceremonies and how they help deceased souls (by inviting these souls to listen to sutra lectures at the event) and how they help to eliminate negative karma (by bringing out virtuous thoughts and vows from people). These ceremonies would not be the main focus though; they would happen at certain dates in the year. The main focus is on moral education.   5: Improper religious leaders don't cite the religious texts. The things they say often violate the religious texts. Proper religious leaders frequently cite the texts, and everything they say accords with the texts. All religious texts talk about how to cultivate morality in order to gain a better afterlife. As students of a religion, we need to study the texts and believe in the texts (as opposed to believing in what people say). If we hear different people saying different things, we need to confirm with the texts to see which is correct. For example, if a Buddhist leader says, "I can transcend the diseased soul of your family member to the Western Pure Land,"  we need to have the sense to know that the texts never said anything about others helping you to go to the Western Pure Land. The texts say that only you yourself can decide if you go to the Western Pure Land, and the conditions are belief, vow and chanting Amitabha. It does not say other people can transcend your soul there, so we can judge this person to be an improper religious leader.   Usually, it's beginners who most easily get deceived because they never studied the texts or know to study the texts. When they hear these big claims, they get overly excited and lose their sense of rationality. The religious leader might not ask for a fee, but these people feel so grateful that they'll donate a lot of money. Thus, if we're going to invest time in a religion, we need to actually study the texts and check if the religious leader cites the texts and role models the teachings.   6: Improper religious leaders like to show off supernatural abilities. Proper religious leaders only help people through education. When the Buddha was on Earth, he and his students had supernatural powers that arose from deep meditative concentration. However, the Buddha forbade his students from using supernatural powers to help people. The reason is because ghosts also have supernatural powers. If Buddhists teachers use supernatural powers, then people wouldn’t be able to differentiate a proper Buddhist teacher from evil ghosts who’ve possessed a person. The Buddha only taught and helped people through lecturing and education; that is something malevolent ghosts cannot do. Therefore, proper religious leaders will only help people through lecturing and education, not through supernatural methods.   Some improper religious leaders like to show off supernatural abilities. They’ll predict your future or read your past. Then you feel like they know everything, and you’ll view them like a God. In reality, they are possessed by an evil ghost, and they probably seek to profit off you or enjoy the feeling of having worshippers.   Some improper religious leaders will say they are a certain Buddha or God or Spirit manifested in human form. But in the history of Buddhism, any time someone says they are a certain Buddha manifested in human form, that person then “passes away” peacefully shortly after. The reason was already mentioned before: Buddhas help people through education. As soon as people think they’re some sort of God, they lose interest in learning and instead want the “God” to use supernatural abilities to help them. Thus, if someone says they are a certain Buddha or God in human form, but they’re still here after a while, that’s an improper religious leader.   7: Improper religious leaders don't come from a long line of ancestors. Proper religious leaders do. In Buddhism, succession is highly important. Every sect has a long line of patriarchs. For example, Pure Land Buddhism has 13 patriarchs that are publicly acknowledged by the Buddhist community. A proper religious leader studies from an acknowledged line of patriarchs. They'll often cite their teachers' teachings.   An improper religious leader might say stuff like, "One day, I suddenly got enlightened." If they seem to know a lot and don't talk about learning from an acknowledged teacher, they're probably possessed by ghosts. Again, the Buddhas don't use supernatural powers to help people because they don't want followers to lose their sense of rationality.   It's also possible that an improper religious leader will say that they learned from a certain acknowledged teacher. In this case, we need to go a step further and inspect if they actually often cite that teacher's teachings and practice them, just like if they cite and practice the religious texts. A proper teacher will always cite and practice the texts and their teachers' teachings.   For example, Venerable Jing Kong was a very famous and well-respected Buddhist leader. Due to his fame and great number of followers, many people tried to use his name to gain money or fame. People will say they are his student or are working for him as a way to attract followers, but in reality, Venerable Jing Kong doesn't know about these people doing these things, and he never mentioned, let alone endorse, these people in his lectures.   What to do if someone you know might be part of an improper religious group Note that if you happen to realize someone might be part of an improper religious group, it's very important to not oppose them or make them feel like you are right and they are wrong. We have to put ourselves in their shoes. They trust their religious leader and have been in that group for a while. If someone suddenly tells them that what they are doing is wrong, it's a hard message to swallow.   To give an analogy, imagine you've been drinking soda for many years. One day, someone tells you, "Don't you know that soda is terrible for your health? I'm telling you, you gotta quit right now!"  But you've never heard this news before, and you really enjoyed drinking soda all these years. If they make you feel really uncomfortable, you might oppose not out of logic, but out of emotion.   As their family member or friend, our responsibility is to share important knowledge that we know in a humble and caring way. We can mention that we recently learned about some standards for proper and improper religions, and share some of these standards, but we shouldn't directly say, "Based on these standards, don't you know your religious group is improper?" That's opposing them and making them feel like they are wrong, which will make them oppose us. Instead, we can let them reflect themselves. We also mustn't be rushed for quick results, or else we'll become annoyed and controlling towards them, which again creates conflict. Ultimately, there isn't one correct way to advise, but the principle is that we should let them feel respected and cared for, and we must remain humble and patient.   Conclusion Since improper religions are very common nowadays, knowing the difference between proper and improper religions can help us and our family and friends from getting duped or hurt.   Proper religious leaders are humble and gentle; they diligently study and practice the religious texts, and they come from an acknowledged line of teachers. They seek to benefit people through education. Improper religious leaders are arrogant and give others pressure or worry. They don't practice the moral teachings from their religious texts, and what they say or do often contradicts the texts. They might also show off supernatural powers because they are interested in getting worshippers, not students.   If we encounter people who might be in an improper religious organization, we shouldn't criticize them or shock them by telling them that they are wrong. We should be respectful, humble, kind, and patient in the communication and advising process. Weekly Wisdom #300

This past Wednesday, my grandpa had a tooth pulled at 3:00PM. At 9:00PM, he told me that his gum is still bleeding, and he needs to go to the hospital tonight. Image Source I have been immersed in ancient philosophy this past year, and I remembered just this past week, my Chinese philosophy teacher said, "If you are a learner of Chinese philosophy, the first effect you should have on the people around you is to be able to calm them down. To do that, YOU need to remain calm in difficult situations." Then I reminded myself to calm down, to take some deep breaths, and to speak slowly. I told my grandpa, "Don't worry, I'll call an Uber and accompany you to the hospital." My mother also wanted to come along, but she was worried and said, "If we go to the hospital emergency room, you're likely to wait all night. I think all he has to do is bite on some gauze to stop the bleeding." At this point, the Uber was almost here, so I said, "Well, grandpa is worried. Going to the hospital can calm his worries. If he is calm, we will be relieved. If he stays worried, how can we be at ease?" Arrival When we arrived, there were lots of people in the waiting room, and the whole environment was rather tense. Many people were complaining that they've been waiting for hours. One person who was on a wheelchair even collapsed to the ground after waiting for hours, and nurses had to come and carry her away on a stretcher. We had no idea how long we'd have to wait, and I could tell both my grandpa and mom were a little anxious. My mom was obviously tired but still pacing around. I told her she could go home first and rest, but she wanted to stay. My grandpa joked, "I don't know how long we have to wait, but I'm afraid that I'll wait many hours just for the doctor to say, 'Just keep biting on gauze.'" My mom replied, "Exactly! I think all you need to do is bite on more gauze and the bleeding will stop in a while. I had this problem before too, and that's what I did to solve it." My grandpa replied, "I don't know. I've been biting on gauze this whole time and it still keeps bleeding." At this point, I was kind of tired too, and I didn't know what to say. I remembered this quote from the Dalai Lama: "Our prime purpose in life is to help others. And if you can't help them, at least don't hurt them." Since I was tired, maintaining my calm is about all I could manage. I don't have the ability to help calm their nervous energy, so the least I can do is to not add to their anxiety. Hence, I remained silent and did some work on my laptop. At midnight, the nurse finally inspected my grandpa and allowed us to proceed to the next room. I thought that meant he would be seeing a doctor, but it turns out it's another waiting room! Moreover, only one person could accompany him, so I told my mom to go home first because she is very tired. My body is stronger, so I can handle pulling an all-nighter better than her. She agreed, so I called an Uber to send her home. Vending Machine Incident At this point, I was kind of hungry, so I went to the vending machine to buy a snack bar. Guess what happened? I paid for a snack bar, and it got stuck before it could fall to the bottom. (Snack bar 511 got stuck halfway) My first thought was, "Are you serious? I already paid for this snack bar and this machine didn't keep its promise!" I tried shaking the vending machine, but it didn't work. Then I thought to myself, "OK, I've been doing fairly well maintaining my calm tonight. Don't let a vending machine break your momentum! I am here to solve my problem of hunger. This snack bar is stuck. Getting angry and leaving is not going to solve my problem. That would make my mood bad and influence my grandpa's mood. I should buy a second snack bar to solve this problem. It only costs $2. Any problem that a little money can solve is not a real problem. The problem is me demanding this vending machine to keep its previous promise, but this vending machine is not a human being, so my demand is illogical." Then I bought the same snack bar again, and two snack bars came out. Problem solved. Seeing the Doctor After I returned to the second waiting room, I waited another two hours with my grandpa. While waiting, my grandpa said, "Last time I had a tooth pulled, I stopped my blood thinner medication three days beforehand, and the dentist stitched up the hole after. I don't know why this time the dentist said I don't need to stop the blood thinner and did not stitch up the hole after." After hearing this, I better understood why he wanted to keep waiting all these hours to see the doctor. He needed to hear a professional tell him, "Don't worry about the blood thinner. Don't worry about stitches. You will be fine." My grandpa added, "It would be a pretty big waste of time if this doctor says 'You just need to keep biting on gauze.'" I replied, "Well, I would be relieved! At least you wouldn't need to do surgery!" At 2:00AM, the doctor finally saw my grandpa. My grandpa explained that he got a tooth pulled at 3:00PM, and it's been bleeding for 11 hours now. He also explained his worries with regards to the blood thinner and lack of stitches. The doctor had a look inside his mouth, asked which blood thinner he took, and then brought a bunch of gauze over and said, "It's okay. All you need to do is bite on a lot of gauze really hard. I know it sounds simple, and I know you waited a long time for this, but this really is all you have to do. You are not biting hard enough. Bite harder, and the bleeding should stop within 15-30 minutes. No need for stitches." Then we went home. My grandpa said, "Wow, we actually waited 5 hours for 5 minutes with the doctor." I replied, "At least you don't have to do any major operation! We are way more fortunate than most of the other people at the hospital!" Next Day Reflection The next day, I told my mom what happened. She said, "I told you guys! All he had to do was put more gauze there and bite." I replied, "Yes…but you are not a doctor, and we could not have been 100% sure yesterday night. So even though your guess about the final result was right, waiting 5 hours at the hospital was still the right thing to do because we can't take any risks when grandpa has been bleeding for hours." My mom said, "OK sure, but if you ever get a tooth pulled, you should know what you need to do now. Don't go to the hospital on a whim. Don't you remember when you were young and had kidney stones, I took you to the hospital, and we waited all night, and by the time you saw the doctor, you were already fine." I felt like my mom was not getting the point, so I explained, "Yes… but mom, even if the problem got solved before I saw the doctor, we cannot say it was a waste or time or the wrong thing to do. People's feelings are more important than matters. This time it's bleeding gums. Next time it will be a different matter. The problem is not just grandpa's bleeding gums or my kidneys hurting. The bigger problem is our WORRY about the bleeding gums and kidneys hurting. You do not have the ability to calm that worry. Only a credible doctor can calm those worries. Therefore, waiting all night in the hospital is the right thing to do, and if we understand that it is the right thing to do, we won't be annoyed by it." My mother considered my logic and agreed. Conclusion Adversity reveals our moral training. To be calm and kind when things are peaceful is nothing special. To be calm and kind when others are flustered and worried is to be truly cultivated. Since I've been studying philosophy all year, I viewed this whole situation as a test of my cultivation. While I can't say I did a great job calming my grandpa and mom's worries, I can at least say I did not add to their suffering. I also reflected on some important lessons from the whole experience: 1. Don't deny other people's suffering. Sometimes we think others are exaggerating, so we deny their feelings. That's not kind. We are not them. We don't know how they feel. If they tell us they are in pain, then we should believe them and try our test to help. If we cannot help, at least do not belittle them or make them feel worse. 2. Don't trust vending machines. Just kidding. 3. Don't fall prey to sunk cost bias (being attached to the past). Just like when I needed a snack, I should not let what happened in the past stop me from solving my problem. 4. Don't judge yourself based on the outcome of your decision. Judge yourself based on making the right decision. 5. Take care of your health. Going to the hospital is not fun. 6. Although being at the hospital is not fun, it doesn't have to be terrible either. It's all about how you view the situation. I remained positive by being grateful that our hospitals are free and that my grandpa did not have a serious problem compared to others. That's all for this story. If you have any other lessons, I'd love to hear them. Thanks, and have a great week ahead! Weekly Wisdom #215

Are you happy? If you're not as happy as you'd like to be, you're not alone. A 2020 survey by NORC at the University of Chicago found that only 14% of Americans feel "very happy", which is the lowest since the survey began in 1972. Image Source From the chart, we can see that the number of people who feel "not too happy" has been on the rise since 1990, with a big spike starting around 2018. Clearly, most of us could use some help with our happiness. The good news is, studies show that about 25% of our happiness potential is determined by our genes, meaning 75% is within our control! But who should we learn about happiness from? The world’s happiest man is Matthieu Ricard who is a molecular biologist turned Buddhist Monk. He was given that title after researchers scanned his brain and found the highest levels of gamma waves (associated with happiness) ever recorded by science. He also wrote the book Happiness: A Guide to Developing Life's Most Important Skill . In his book, he explains happiness is different from pleasure, and that the root of our happiness (and unhappiness) is in the way we think. This article will detail eight ways to rewire our mindset for happiness (you can click on any one to jump to that section): Seek inner happiness, not outer pleasure Focus on giving back, not on entitlement Want less Give without expecting anything in return Focus on effort, not results Turn failures into lessons Compare yourself to yourself, not to others Be strict towards yourself and lenient towards others Image by Shaurya Sagar on Unsplash Without further ado, let's get into it! 1: Seek Inner Happiness, Not Outer Pleasure Pleasure is a temporary, fleeting feeling that comes from outside stimulation. In our modern, materialistically rich world, outer pleasures are easier to access than ever. Examples include eating delicious food, getting social media likes, watching emotionally riveting movies and shows, and traveling to new places. The problem with external pleasures is that while they lead to a temporary "high", they also result in a "low" afterwards. The bigger the "high", the greater the "low" afterwards. Therefore, it's very important to moderate pleasures and not seek excessive pleasures. What is happiness then? There are a lot of definitions out there. The Merriam-Webster dictionary defines happiness as a state of well-being and contentment . Ricard defines happiness as a long-lasting, healthy state of mind . Peter Crone, the Mind Architect, defines happiness as the absence of the search for happiness . Putting all of these ideas together, let's define happiness as a long-lasting feeling of contentment and peace . In this happy state, we wouldn't search for outside pleasure. So how can we become happy? The rest of this article will help with that. 2: Focus on Giving Back, Not on Entitlement Entitlement is a big killer of happiness. It makes us feel like other people should be giving more to us, or the world should be treating us better. This type of attitude also kills relationships. To overcome entitlement, we need to nurture gratitude . Image Source We can reflect on how much others have given us, such as parents, teachers, government, all workers in society, and Mother Nature. Living in a mindset of gratitude is to live in a world of joy, and from that mindset of gratitude, we will naturally want to give back to others. 2.1 Parents Our parents raised us and put up with us when we were helpless infants that needed 24/7 care. They worked hard to put food on the table every day and to pay for our education. When we were sick, they took care of us. When they got something good, they shared it with us. They selflessly gave us what they didn't get when they were younger so that our lives would be better than theirs. Perhaps you might feel like your parents demanded a lot from you, such as good grades and attending all those extra classes. But ultimately, their intention was always for our benefit. They never asked us to pay them back a single dollar or minute. When we think about all that our parents have given us, how could we not feel grateful? When we feel grateful, we don't feel unhappy. In fact, we want to give back. How can we do that? The obvious things are to buy things for them like good food and useful gadgets. But even better would be to spend more time with them, give them more words of appreciation, notice what they're worried about, and reduce their worries. Some people complain that their parents didn't do enough for them or didn't raise them properly. But no one is perfect. Parents always try their best in the circumstances that they were faced with; they weren't purposely trying to mess up. Rather than feeling entitled to a "good childhood", we should be grateful for all the effort and hard work that parents went through despite all their difficulties. To give back, we can make their remaining years better, and ensure the future generations get better circumstances. 2.2 Teachers It's thanks to teachers that we have our knowledge and abilities today. There are so many people in poor countries who did not get an education and cannot earn a living. Just like parents, teachers want the best for their students without expecting anything in return. When we were lazy and had a bad attitude, teachers would push us and try to get us to improve. When we worked hard, teachers worked just as hard to support us in our growth. To give back to teachers, we should try to fulfill teachers' aspirations for us. All teachers hope that their students will use the knowledge they gained for good, to becoming contributing members of society, to make the world a better place. This is something that parents share in common with teachers. Without our parents and teachers, we would amount to nothing. Therefore, we should use the abilities we gained from them to repay their gratitude. 2.3 Government The government provides so many essential services that many people take for granted, such as national defense, healthcare, roads, public transportation, education, waste management, electricity, and so much more. There are so many poor and unstable countries in the world where citizens do not receive such services from their government, so we are extremely fortunate to have our government. To give back to our government, we should we contribute to the country and society in whatever way we can, whether that's through our job or through volunteering. We should also follow the laws and pay our taxes to show our gratitude to the government. 2.4 All Workers in Society In our modern society, the amount of work and labor that goes into every day items is unimaginable. For example, when you go to the grocery store, you can buy food from all over the world. Think about all the farmers, transportation workers, and scientists involved in providing you with food. When you use your phone or computer, think about all the factory workers, office workers, raw material extractors, engineers, etc. that are involved in making your device. When you use the roads, think about all the construction workers and maintenance people required for those roads. Our daily life requires the service of countless people in society. Without them, we would be living like cavemen in the wild. To give back, we should respect all people in society because everyone is contributing in their own way, and we should do our best to contribute to society in our own way. 2.5 Mother Nature While it's certainly nice to have technology and money, none of that matters without air and food. It's Mother Nature that gives us these two things. And like a true mother, Mother Nature has never asked for anything in return for its service. Even though humans are polluting the earth and hurting Mother Nature, it still does its best to nurture all life on earth. To give back to Mother Nature, we should do our best to take care of the environment. We can reduce things that hurt the environment such as driving, eating animal products, and throwing away garbage. We can also increase things that help the environment such as gardening, composting, buying local food, and buying organic food. 2.6 Gratitude + Giving = Happiness "Remember that the happiest people are not those getting more, but those giving more." —H. Jackson Brown Jr. When we're always expecting others to give to us, we become unhappy. When we're mindful of how much others have given us, and when we focus on giving to others, we become happy. To nurture the habit of gratitude, we can keep a gratitude journal, where we write down at least three things we're grateful for that day. Then we can go a step further and keep track of at least one way we've given back gratitude that day. Image by Gabrielle Henderson on Unsplash By reminding ourselves daily of gratitude and giving, we will naturally rewire our mindset to experience more happiness and joy in life. 3: Want Less Just like how pleasures need moderation, the same is true for desires. People often think if they could just get what they want, they would be happy. The problem is, desires are limitless, and the pleasure of attaining something is only temporary. After you attain it, you might become stressed about losing what you obtained, or you'll be unhappy when you find something else you haven't obtained yet. The great Stoic philosopher Seneca said it well when he said, "It is inevitable that life will be not just very short but very miserable for those who acquire by great toil what they must keep by greater toil." For example, some people work so hard to buy a big house, bigger than they really need. After borrowing money to buy the house, they then end up working even harder to pay back the mortgage, spending most of their time working and little time actually in the house. Seneca also said, "No person has the power to have everything they want, but it is in their power not to want what they don’t have, and to cheerfully put to good use what they do have." For example, I don't have a car to drive to work. Rather than complaining about having to take public transit, and I cheerfully put to good use my commute time. I use it to listen to educational podcasts. Since I'm not driving, I can even take notes on my phone. If I'm tired, I can nap on the bus. I also save money on insurance and gas. Often times, when we put to best use what we do have, we no longer crave for something we don't have. 4: Give Without Expecting Anything in Return To be able to give is a great fortune. Giving without expecting anything in return is a what gives humans long-lasting fulfillment and contentment. As Nelson Henderson once said, “The true meaning of life is to plant trees under whose shade you do not expect to sit.” Image Source When we serve others, help others, or give to others without expecting anything in return, we are truly making the world a better place, and when we make the world a better place, we feel an inner sense of contentment and value. Furthermore, serving others give us a fulfilling purpose in our lives. Knowing that we made a positive impact on others brings us long-lasting contentment, which is true happiness. 5: Focus on Doing Your Best, Then Let Whatever Happens Happen People often judge themselves based on results, which is a sure way to create disappointment. You could work hard and do everything "right" and still get an undesirable result. Why? Because there are too many factors that you cannot control in the result. To expand this idea, focus on what's in your control and let go of what's outside your control . Image Source For example, when Jay Shetty was writing his book, Think Like a Monk , people asked him what his goal was for the book. Most people would say things like " I hope it becomes a best seller ", but Jay said " I just want to write the best possible book I can. " He focused on what was in his control: writing a good book, getting advice from everyone he could, connecting with as many public figures as he could, using as many interesting marketing methods as he could. The day before the book launch, Jay sent an email to his team saying how grateful he was to everyone for doing their utmost, and that no matter what the result is, he's very happy because everyone did their best. His publisher replied, "Oh that's a very nice and surprising thing to hear! We usually only get nice messages like this after a book does well, not before." Later, his book ended up being the #1 best seller in many countries for months. A big part of his success can be attributed to the fact that he was 100% focused on doing his best and didn't waste energy worrying about the results. Jay showed a great example of just focusing on input and intention while detaching from the result. Now you might be thinking, "But what if the result is bad?" That brings us to #6. 6: Turn Failures into Lessons "We're programmed to believe that life is for enjoyment, but actually it's for education...We think we're in a candy shop, but we're in a classroom." —Jay Shetty Setbacks, mistakes, and failures are guaranteed in life. But they don't have to ruin your happiness, your sense of peace and wellbeing. The key is to turn these setbacks into lessons, which will then make us feel gratitude and progress, both of which are positive. "When you don't get what you want, you get more of what you need. When you're attached to what you're want, you're not open to what you need." —Jay Shetty Whenever something undesirable happens in life, always ask yourself, "How can I use this to improve myself?" and "What can I learn from this?" . This way, you turn that setback into a lesson, which then makes you grateful for that event. When you act on that learning, you'll have proof that you improved yourself, and that feeling of progress gives you more happiness. The Japanese term " kintsukuroi " is a great analogy for this. Kinstsukuroi is the act of repairing broken pottery with gold or silver and understanding that it is now more beautiful after being broken and repaired. The same is true for setbacks in our lives. The act of repairing with gold is to learn from the setback and act on those learnings to improve ourselves. Image Source A great video I like to watch facing setbacks and failures is this video from Jay Shetty: In the video, he talks about how all great people with amazing successes have failed big. He gives examples such as Brian Action, J.K. Rowling, and Bill Gates. He emphasizes that failures are only failures if we don't learn from them because if we learn from them, they become lessons. With this kind of attitude, if we don't achieve our initial goal, we'll end up achieving even more than what we originally had aimed for, and we'll look back on our failures with gratitude and humility. 7: Compare Yourself to Yourself, Not to Others We've probably all experienced comparing ourselves to others, whether it's against classmates, colleagues, friends, people on TV, or people on social media. To build our happiness on being better than other people is basically putting ourselves in prison, with other people being the jail guard. We cannot control other people's circumstances, so basing our happiness on their circumstances is to give our happiness into their control. No one's life is perfect, and everyone is dealing with their own troubles. Comparing our troubles to other people's fortune is not just a bad habit, but completely inaccurate. For example, a millionaire might compare herself to a billionaire and feel bad, but maybe she has a much better family life. Or a small celebrity might compare himself to a big celebrity and feel bad, but he doesn't know how much that big celebrity wants to have the privacy and freedom of a small celebrity. Image Source Rather than competing with others, we should seek to be inspired by others good points and to compete with ourselves. Ask yourself questions such as Am I better than my past self one year ago? Am I attaining my full potential currently? If I unexpectedly died tomorrow, would I be proud of the type of person I lived as? When we re-direct energy into improving ourselves, achieving our full potential, and cultivating our character , we will create more happiness and progress in our lives. 8: Be Strict Towards Yourself and Lenient Towards Others Relationships are a big part of happiness. In his Ted Talk , What Makes a Good Life? Lessons from the Longest Study on Happiness , researcher Robert Waldinger reported, “The clearest message that we get from this 75-year study is this: Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.” When it comes to relationships, unhappy people focus their energy on The faults of the other person What the other person should be doing more of How the other person wronged them Unhappy people are strict towards others are lenient towards themselves. They expect others to change and improve, but they themselves don't put in effort to change and improve. They want others to give more to the relationship while they take more. They want to be understood, but they don't try to understand the other person. It's no wonder they have so many conflicts in relationships! On the other hand, happy people focus on The strengths of the other person The contributions of the other person The hardships the other person is going through Happy people are strict towards themselves and lenient towards others. They focus on doing their best, giving lots to the relationship, being empathetic, and helping the other person with that they need. The Dalai Lama explained it well when he said, "If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." Compassion is about being tolerant towards others, trying to reduce their suffering, and viewing their happiness as our own happiness. Relationships is too big of a topic to go in-depth here, so if you want to learn more about how to nurture loving relationships, check out this article . Conclusion Happiness is not about chasing temporary pleasures, it is about rewiring our way of thinking for long-lasting contentment and peace. Rewiring our mindset is not only free and available to us at any time, it address the root of our happiness. As Dr. Alan Zimmerman says, Watch your thoughts. They become words. Watch your words. They become actions. Watch your actions. They become habits. Watch your habits. They become character. Watch your character. It becomes your destiny. This article detailed eight major ways to rewire our mind for happiness: Redirect our goal from outer pleasure to inner contentment Contemplate how much others have given us and try to give back Reduce desires and make full use of what we already have Plant trees under whose shade you do not plan to sit Focus on what's in your control (your efforts), not what's outside your control (the results) Ask yourself, "How can I make good use of this setback?" Compete with yourself and be inspired by others Expect more from yourself and be tolerant towards others I hope you will find at least a couple of these methods useful in improving your happiness!

Image Sources: 1, 2 It was a quiet afternoon in a small American town in 1848. Everything was peaceful, when suddenly, there was the piercing sound of a gunshot. The chief of police immediately rushed to the scene with his new, young police assistant. When they arrived, they found a teenager lying in a pool of blood on the ground of his bedroom, his right hand loose with a gun next to it. Beside him was a messily written suicide note, which explained that the girl he was deeply in love with went to church with another boy the other day. Outside the room, a big crowd was forming, all eager to see what had happened. The dead boy's relatives stood silently in the room, staring blankly at each other. The young police assistant couldn't help but give them a sympathetic glance. He could feel their hurt and hopelessness, not only because of this boy's death, but also because they are all Christians. In Christianity, committing suicide is a big sin, and the deceased person's soul will suffer severe punishment in Hell. Moreover, all the people in this conservative Christian town will view this family as heretics. From that day on, no decent young man would invite a girl of that family out, and no decent young girl would be willing to marry a boy from that family. This whole time, the policy chief remained silent, frowning in observation of the whole scene. Finally, he said, "This is a murder." He squatted down and carefully touched around the dead boy's body and arms. Suddenly, he turned around and said in a serious tone of voice, "Has anyone here seen his silver watch?" Everyone knew that this boy always carried around a silver watch. It was the only gift that the girl had ever given him. He would often look at that watch, and his heart would be filled with warmth as the sunlight reflected off it. All the people in the crowd talked among themselves, but no one had seen the watch recently. The police chief then stood up and said, "If none of you have seen the watch recently, then that means the murderer must have taken it. This is a classic case of murder to steal valuable possessions." The boy's family members immediately started crying as their feelings of shame quickly turned into sorrow. The neighbors and onlookers who were originally judgmental towards the family also came forward and expressed their condolences. The police chief confidently said, "As soon as we find this watch, we know who the murderer is!" The sun outside was still bright on this clear afternoon, and the villagers all left the scene to search. The young police assistant was utterly amazed at the police chief's detective abilities, and he asked, "Where should we start searching for this watch?" The police chief let out a slight, almost undetectable smile as he slowly reached into his pocket and pulled out a silver watch. In shock, the young assistant said, "Could it be…?" The police chief looked around and remained silent. The young assistant said, "Then, he must have committed suicide. Why did you convince everyone that it was a murder?" The police chief replied, "This way, his family doesn't need to worry about where his soul went. Also, after their period of sorrow is over, they can continue living a normal life with all the other Christians in town." The young assistant said, "But you told a lie. Lying is against the Ten Commandments." The police chief stared sharply at the young assistant and said, "Young man, believe me: The lives of six people are much more important. Besides, I trust that even God would turn a deaf ear to a lie told from a compassionate heart." This was the young police assistant's first case, and it was also the most meaningful one in the course of his career. Commentary Rules are important, but we must not blindly follow rules without understanding the reasoning behind them. If we blindly follow rules, we might end up using them inappropriately. Trustworthiness is extremely important for our relationships and success. Naturally, not lying is an important commandment in many religions, not just Christianity, but we have to understand the reasoning behind it. If your friend asks you if she looks nice in that dress, and you think she looks absolutely horrible, would you say, "To be honest, you look absolutely hideous in that dress"? Of course not! The principle behind not lying is to not hurt others. Usually, people lie to hurt or cheat others, to protect their own reputation, or to gain something for themselves at the expense of the other person. If you are telling a lie to protect them, as was the case in the story, then that is not considered breaking the rules. For example, I am working abroad, and sometimes my parents will tell me to sleep early. I assure them that I will, but realistically, I occasionally have to sleep late due to work. If I blindly insist on telling the truth and say, "Sorry I cannot sleep before 11 because I have too much to do," then that will only cause them to worry. The whole point of telling the truth is to ease their worries. The Buddha also gave an example: Imagine you arrived at a fork-road, and you see a rabbit pass by. Soon after, a hunter comes and asks if you saw a rabbit pass by. What should you do? According to the Buddha, you should lie and tell the hunter to go down a road that the rabbit did not go down. Why? Because this way, you save the rabbit's life, and you also save the hunter from committing the sin of killing. Therefore, we must understand rules to avoid using them ignorantly and inappropriately. Weekly Wisdom #231

Source The key to Amor Fati is that we are constantly seeking to improve ourselves and to cultivate our virtues

Image Sources: 1, 2 Have you ever dealt with really impolite behavior? Recently, I had a student complain to me that his group leader was very irresponsible during their team project. He sent her his work early, but she did not send her work back on time. Later, she submitted the rough draft without even telling him, and she did not share the teacher's feedback with him. He was really angry and told me: "I did everything right. I don't care if you make mistakes in your work, but at least communicate with me! I don't care if you are smart. I'd rather work with a not-so-smart classmate who respects me." He was fuming, and I listened to him vent for quiet a while. Afterward he finished venting, I told him: "I can see you are very upset that she treated you disrespectfully. I know you worked very hard to be a good team member, and I know you always try to be a good person. That is great. You said you did everything right, but let me ask you: If you did everything right, why would you be angry? If you truly did everything right, you should be at peace with yourself." He said, "I am angry because I did everything right and my group leader acted wrongly." I told him, "OK, but are you responsible for your feelings or other people?" He was quite for a few seconds, and then said, "I guess I am." I replied, "Exactly. So there's your first mistake: blaming others for your feelings. Secondly, do you think your group leader is purposely trying to make you angry? She is a good student. You guys were good friends before. Do you really think she is intentionally ignoring you and trying to make you angry? I remember she got sick recently, and we are near the end of the semester, so I imagine she must've been really busy recently. Maybe that's why she didn't reply you." He said, "OK, I guess she is not trying to make me angry." I said, "So there's your second mistake: assuming negative intentions without confirming first. Let's take this a step further. Have YOU ever made someone upset by accident? Maybe you did not mean to upset them, but they interpreted your actions wrong and got angry at you?" He said, "Yes." I said, "So how would you want to be treated in that situation? Don't you wish they would come and ask you your intentions rather than just blaming you and being angry at you without even giving you the chance to explain?" He said, "Yes. But sir, I don't want to create any unhappiness or conflict between us, especially since this is the end of our course." I said, "Well, as long as you forgive her in your mind, then it's fine. It's not like she feels upset towards you. Do you still feel really upset towards her?" He said, "No you're right, my anger is my problem. I want to leave a happy memory in this course, so I will forgive her and improve myself." Commentary Although I was able to help this student resolve his anger, the irony is, I have the same problems as him. I get upset when others behave unreasonably as well, so when I heard him complain, I thought of all the advice I keep repeating to myself whenever I feel upset. For example, when I see rude drivers changing lanes to speed past me and then change back to my lane, I think, "Wow that is so rude. I am driving at the speed limit, and you are speeding shamelessly!" Then I remind myself, "OK, chill out. Instead of assuming they are purposely trying to be rude, why don't you just assume that they are rushing to an emergency? After all, you don't know what they are thinking, so why do you have to automatically assume a negative intention? You always complain that others assume negative intentions of you without checking, and here you are doing the same thing to others! That's pretty hypocritical, no?" Sometimes, I have misunderstandings and even arguments with others. I get upset and think, "Why does this person have to be so illogical and unreasonable?" Then I remind myself, "OK chill out… Even if they are illogical, who is responsible for your feelings? Not them...You are! You don't HAVE to get upset here. If you truly care about them and want to resolve this conflict, then YOU need to calm down and be kind first. Don't make your happiness dependent on other people's behavior. Furthermore, no one tries to be wrong or stupid on purpose! Just like you think you are right, they also think they are right. So instead of thinking they are so illogical, why don't you try to really understand their perspective first?" Other times, I see people not keeping their word, or shamelessly breaking rules, and I think, "Seriously? Don't you have any sense of shame?" Then I remind myself, "Their actions are their actions. Why do you have to keep thinking about them and criticizing them in your head? Why are you putting their garbage in your mind? You could be using your mind for much better things! Besides, they did not learn about the importance of ethics and morality, so you shouldn't blame them. You write about ethics and morality all the time, so obviously you will follow the rules. You are the abnormal one, not them. Blaming them does not help anyone. The best way to help this world is to just keep setting a good example with your own behavior." Conclusion We will all encounter rude and unreasonable behavior from others in life. What matters is how we respond to them. Getting annoyed or angry hurts ourselves the most. Instead, we should Assume positive intentions or ask what their intention was. Remember no one is purposely trying to be stupid or wrong. If I think they are illogical, then I do not understand their perspective yet. Recognize that rude behavior is common now because there is a lack of good role models in society. If I want a better world, then I should set a good example regardless of how others behave. Not only will we be happier this way, but we will also contribute to a better world! Weekly Wisdom #227