How to memorize sequences, such as directions, orders, and processes. Context: I’m currently taking the Recall Masterclass from Kwik Learning right now, and as part of the homework, I am to teach what I learned each class to other people. The class is taught by Jim Kwik, a renowned brain coach. Since I’m a blogger, I’d like to share my notes with all of you. I hope you can use the knowledge and practice the methods to improve your memory as well. Class 8: Step by Step Smarts + Review Image Source: Unsplash Often times, we need to be able to remember things in specific order. For example, directions, recipes, and processes. This class reviews past memory tools and applies them to Memorizing directions Memorizing orders Memorizing processes 1. Memorizing Directions Let’s say you need to ask for directions, and you don’t want to rely on a GPS because you want to avoid digital dementia. Use TIP = Turn Into Picture. For example, let’s say you need to go somewhere and the person tells you 1. Turn left at Starbucks 2. Turn right on Robinson Street To turn left into a picture, think of something that reminds you of “left”. Jim uses leaf because it sounds kind of like left. Other people use leftovers. You pick whatever reminds you of left. For “right”, Jim uses a pen because you write with a pen. Other people use a plane because that reminds them of the Wright Brothers. So for the above two directions, you can imagine a leaf on Starbucks to remind you to turn left. Then you imagine a robin bird scribbling stuff with a pen to remind you to turn right on Robinson street. You can also use the Loci Method from class 5 here. Imagine yourself in your home, and the first location has a Starbucks with a leaf there. The second location has a robin writing with a pen. 2. How Waiters Memorize Orders While most of us aren’t waiters, we can learn from their methods and apply it to our own situations or jobs. First, waiters will ask customers if they have any questions about the menu before taking the orders. From a memory perspective, you don’t want the customer to interrupt your memory process with a question. Second, they use kinesthetic (body) motions like pointing to the location on the menu. That becomes a physical anchor that can bring back the memory later. Third, they repeat the order verbally. This helps to check that they heard your order correctly and gives them more time to encode it into their memory. Fourth, they have organization systems in their head. For example, each seat has a letter and number (e.g., A5, B3, etc.). They can turn your order into a picture and attach it to that seat’s unique letter and number. Or they might even attach the picture of your order to your face or something you’re wearing. Fifth, they memorize the whole menu. Then when customers tell them an order, they can imagine themselves going through the menu and marking on it. Sixth, they use the 80/20 rule by memorizing the top 20% of orders occur 80% of the time. They’ll make sure they can remember these high-frequency orders really well. 3. Memorizing Processes You can use the chain linking story method from class 4 or the Loci Method from class 5. Jim gives uses the Sandler Selling System as an example: Bonding and rapport Up front contracts Pain Budget Decision Fulfillment Post-sale In this process, the steps must be done in order. To memorize this, first, you need to understand each step. Then you can use the memory tools we learned so far. One way is to use the chain linking story method. Bonding — imagine hand cuffs Contracts — imagine being handcuffed to a contract Pain — imagine hurting your hand Budget — imagine paying money to get a cast for your hand Decision — imagine a tree, but it’s a decision tree not a plant tree Fulfillment — imagine you’re really happy and fulfilled to see the tree Post sale — imagine posting sticky notes on the tree Another way is to use the Loci Method. Everyone has their own Loci location, so Jim didn’t give an example. Homework Practice remembering sequences, such as directions and processes. Lesson Notes Directory Remembering Lists Remembering Names Vocabulary and Spelling Recalling Facts Remembering Speeches Remembering Numbers Remember Dates Remembering Sequences Learning Foreign Languages Body Memory Remembering Misplaced Things Remembering the Past

How to remember numbers using the alphanumeric code. Context: I’m currently taking the Recall Masterclass from Kwik Learning right now, and as part of the homework, I am to teach what I learned each class to other people. The class is taught by Jim Kwik, a renowned brain coach. Since I’m a blogger, I’d like to share my notes with all of you. I hope you can use the knowledge and practice the methods to improve your memory as well. Class 6: Remembering Numbers Source: Unsplash We live in a world of numbers. Numbers is the international language. Maybe you need to remember numbers for your work, such as in finance. Or maybe you just want to better remember pin numbers, phone numbers, and addresses. This lesson will teach you an ancient alphanumeric code to help you remember long strings of numbers quickly and easily. This lesson will talk about The alphanumeric code Using the alphanumeric code The Alphanumeric Code Numbers are abstract and therefore hard to remember. If we want to make them easier to remember, we have to turn them into images. The alphanumeric code is a basically a language system for translating numbers into sounds, letters, and words. From there, we can create images for numbers and stories to link numbers. Here is the alphanumeric code that Jim taught in this lesson: 1 = Ta, Da, Tha 2 = Na 3 = Ma 4 = Ra 5 = La 6 = Sha, Cha, Ja 7 = Ka, Ca, Ga 8 = Fa, Va 9 = Pa, Ba 0 = Sa, Za, Xa You have to know this code to memorize numbers really fast. It takes some heavy effort upfront, but once you know it, it’s extremely useful. Here’s some tips to help remember the code: 1 is T: T is made up of two 1s. The tongue movement when we say “Ta” is the same as “Da”. 2 is N: If you look at 2 sideways, it looks like N 3 is M: If you look at 3 sideways, it looks like M 4 is R: If you flip 4, it looks kind of looks like R 5 is L: If you hold out 5 fingers, there’s an L between your thumb and index finger 6 is J or Sh or Ch: If you flip 6, it kind of looks like J. “Sh” and “Ch” have the same mouth movement as “J” 7 is K or C or G: K looks like it’s made up of two 7s. “Cuh” and “Guh” have the same mouth movement as “Kuh” 8 is F or V: 8 looks like a cursive F. “F” and “V” have the same mouth movement. 9 is P or B: 9 looks like a flipped P. “Puh” and “Buh” have the same mouth movement. 0 is Z or S or X: Zero starts with Z. “S” and “X” have the same mouth movement as “Z” This alphanumeric code has four rules: Silent letters have to value Double letters have single value W H and Y have no value Vowels have no values Using this code, we can do some examples of converting words into numbers. Cat. C = 7. A = No value. T = 1. Therefore cat = 71. Dog = 17 Table = 195 Butter = 914 Carpet = 7491 We can also convert numbers into words. Example: 71 is G and T. So we can use words such as goth, god, cat, cod, good, get, goat, coat. Which one should you choose? Choose the one that is easiest for you to remember. Another example: 72 is G and N. We can use words such as ken, can, cone, gun, gain, gone, cane, cone, goon. Another way to remember this alphanumeric code is to use the body list we learned in Class 4. 1 = Top = T 2 = Nose = N 3 = Mouth = M 4 = Ear = R 5 = Larynx = L 6 = Shoulders = Sh, Ch, J 7 = Clavicle = C, K, G 8 = Fingers = F, V 9 = Belly = B, P 0 = Seat = S, X, Z Using the Alphanumeric Code Example 1: Phone Number Let’s say someone tells you their phone number and you want to remember it quickly. The phone number is 914 127 7491. How can you remember it? We can turn the series of numbers into pictures. B T R – butter T N K – tank C R P T – carpet You can imagine butter in a tank, and the tank shoots the butter onto a carpet. When we hear numbers, we can use the alphanumeric code to turn them into pictures and a story. That exercise puts the number from short-term memory and encodes it into longer term memory. Example 2: Date Let’s say you need to memorize the date that Neil Armstrong landed on the moon for a test. The date is July 20, 1969. We can turn the date into a series of digits: 7 20 1969. 720 = CANS 19= TUB 69 = JEEP You can imagine cans in a tub being pulled by a jeep that Neil Armstrong is driving. Example 3: Long series of digits Let’s say you want to remember Pi. We’ll just do the first eight digits: 3.1415926. 3.14 = M T R = Meteor 15 = D L = Doll 926 = P N CH = Punch A meteor approaches a doll, and the doll punches the meteor. That story is much easier to remember than the string of digits. With practice, you can instantly associate a number with a picture, just like the Sun List from Lesson 1. Homework Create a alphanumeric peg list from 1 to 100. Jim gave examples for the first 10: Tie Noah Ma Rye or Ear Law or Eel Shoe Key Ivy Bee Toes Each day, do 10 more digits. When you create your own list, it’s easier for you to remember. Do it up to 99. Then practice having people give you a series of numbers, and use your alphanumeric peg list to memorize the series of numbers. How I Used This Lesson I don't really have a need to memorize long strings of numbers currently, so I used this alphanumeric code to remember the birthdays of multiple friends: January 24 = 124 =T N R. I use TIN EARS. I imagine that friend with shinny Tin Ears. November 09 = 1109 = T D S P. I use TOAD SOAP. I imagine that person washing a toad with soap. October 28 = 1028 = T S N F = TOES KNIFE. I imagine the person has 5 knives instead of toes on each foot. July 23 = 723 = C N M = COW NOM. I imagine with a cow head noming (chewing) on grass. Homework Update Over the last two weeks, I took up the challenge to make an alphanumeric peg list from 1 to 100. Here is my alphanumeric peg list: At first, I memorized all the items using the chain-linking story method from Class 4, but if you throw a random number at me, it takes me a while to remember the word. Then I created a flashcard deck on Anki to rote memorize these 100 pegs. I spent about 5-10 minutes a day doing 100 flashcard reviews, and after two weeks I'm good to go. Recently, I had someone give me a list of 20 numbers, and I was able to repeat that list back in order with 100% accuracy. While repeating a list of numbers isn't a common task in life, the important skill is being able to remember a number or series of number if I ever want to. Lesson Notes Directory Remembering Lists Remembering Names Vocabulary and Spelling Recalling Facts Remembering Speeches Remembering Numbers Remember Dates Remembering Sequences Learning Foreign Languages Body Memory Remembering Misplaced Things Remembering the Past

How to organize and remember speech notes in your head using the Loci Method. Context: I’m currently taking the Recall Masterclass from Kwik Learning right now, and as part of the homework, I am to teach what I learned each class to other people. The class is taught by Jim Kwik, a renowned brain coach. Since I’m a blogger, I’d like to share my notes with all of you. I hope you can use the knowledge and practice the methods to improve your memory as well. Class 5: Remembering Speeches and Presentations Have you ever been blown away by a speaker’s level of confidence and competence? How can we deliver a speech confidently without any notes? On a related note, how can we remember so much information for an exam? This lesson will teach you how. Key Points Best Way of Taking Notes Loci Method Applying the Loci Method Key Point 1: Best Way of Taking Notes We need to know the best way of taking notes because we need to memorize notes for speeches and tests. The best way of taking notes is capturing the keywords and key ideas. These key ideas create pictures in your head, and a picture is worth a thousand words (a lot of comprehension). The worst way of taking notes is to not take notes at all, and the second worst way is to copy down that the person said verbatim (because then you’re not really processing the information in your mind). When trying to memorize a speech, first, we create a list of key ideas. Then we can use the Loci Method. Key Point 2: The Loci Method Origin Story of the Loci Method: About 2500 years ago, Simonides was giving a poetry reading to a group of people. after he left the building, the building collapsed and killed all the people in that room. He had the responsibility of helping the family members identify their loved ones. Simonides was able to remember every single person based on where they were sitting around that room. We naturally attach information to location. As hunter gatherers, human survival was dependent on our ability to remember locations, such as where the food was, where the good soil was, and where the danger was. Remembering location is built into our neurology. Example of Using the Loci Method The Loci Method is when you take key ideas and attach them to a location. To use the Loci Method, we need a location list story. Jim goes through his office as a location list. We remember the list as a story. Parking lot: Imagine you just got out of the car, and you are in the parking lot. Bridge: As you walk towards the tall, glass office building, there’s a small waterfall and a moat, and you cross over a bridge. Elevator: You go into the office building and enter the elevator. Hallway: You get out of the elevator and you walk into the hallway. Closet: You open the door to the office, and you see a closet to your left. Receptionist: You walk to the receptionist to ask about your appointment. Fish tank: Behind the receptionist, you see a gigantic tropical fish tank. Door to classroom: You walk up to the door of the classroom to take a class with Jim. Whiteboard: You open the door, and then you see a gigantic whiteboard. Bonsai Trees: You look to the side and you see lots of bonsai trees. Practice closing your eyes and visualizing yourself going through this story with all these locations. Try to do it forwards and backwards. Next, we attach each key idea to a location using PIE. If you don't remember PIE, review class 2. Jim gives this list to memorize: Good diet Killing ANTS (Automatic Negative Thoughts) Exercise Brain nutrients Positive peer group Clean environment Sleep Brain protection New learnings Stress management This list is what he calls the 10 keys to activating your superhero brain. To memorize that list, he takes us through the story and attaching each item to a location: Imagine getting out of the car, and the parking lot is just filled with good diet. Imagine crossing the bridge and killing ANTs while walking Imagine getting into the elevator and then doing intense exercise like P90X in it. Your trainer is there yelling at you to go harder. Imagine stepping into the hallway and seeing big bottles of brain nutrient pills coming at you. You jump over them like Donkey Kong. Imagine opening the door, then opening the closet, and seeing all your positive smiley friends. That’s your positive peer group. Imagine going up to the receptionist and seeing her diligently cleaning the environment diligently. Imagine seeing the fish tank and seeing the fish wearing colorful pajamas and sleeping. Imagine going to the classroom door, but it’s locked, so you put on a helmet for brain protection, then you tackle the door. Imagine seeing that whiteboard, and seeing Jim write on the board “New Learnings”. It’s written in your favorite color with your favorite scented marker. Imagine all the bonsai trees managing their stress by listening to calm music and getting massages. Notice how visual the story is. You should be able to go through the story forward and backward in your mind. Making Your Own Loci List We can also make our own locations. Jim tells us to imagine we just entered our home’s front door. Pick a path to go through your house, and pick locations there. Here’s my Home Loci List: First is my shoe mat. Then I walk past my couch. Then I open my refrigerator. Then I take something out of the fridge and put it in the microwave. Then I take it out of the microwave and put it on the table. Then I go to the chairs. Then I walk past the bathroom and I look inside. Then I walk up the stairs. Then I go into the office room. Then I see a big window. I could go on and on and have more items by talking about all the objects in each room, like table, book shelf, lamp, bed, dresser, closet, etc. From this example, we can see it’s pretty easy to come up with a Loci List. Key Point 3: Applying the Loci Method When giving a speech, you can attach your key points to different objects in the room beforehand. Or you can just go through your own Loci Story in your head during the speech. Students have also used the location method by writing down a list of key ideas. Then in their classroom or test room, they attached each item to different objects in the room. That ways, when writing the test, they could easily recall the key ideas just by looking at the objects around the room. Homework Make your own Loci Story. Aim for 10 locations in that story. Ask someone to give you a list of 10 words. Practice memorizing that list by attaching them to the locations in your Loci Story. If you are good with 10, you can increase your list to 20. Lesson Notes Directory Remembering Lists Remembering Names Vocabulary and Spelling Recalling Facts Remembering Speeches Remembering Numbers Remember Dates Remembering Sequences Learning Foreign Languages Body Memory Remembering Misplaced Things Remembering the Past

How to remember a list of facts using the chain story linking method. Context: I’m currently taking the Recall Masterclass from Kwik Learning right now, and as part of the homework, I am to teach what I learned each class to other people. The class is taught by Jim Kwik, a renowned brain coach. Since I’m a blogger, I’d like to share my notes with all of you. I hope you can use the knowledge and practice the methods to improve your memory as well. Class 4: Recalling Facts Image Source Whether at school or at work, successful people are able to recall facts, figures, and ideas right at their mental fingertips. This lesson is all about how to do that. Key Ideas: The Body List The Chain Linking Story Method Key Idea 1: The Body List Similar to the Sun List from class 1, the Body List is another Peg List, but it is especially useful because it involves kinesthetic learning. You can touch the different areas of your body when you attach information to it. The body list is Top (of head) Nose Mouth Ears Larynx (Throat) Shoulders Clavicle (Collar Bone) Fingers Belly Seat (Butt) When we attach items to it, we need to use PIE: Place, Imagine, Entwine, as mentioned in class 2. For example, let’s say you get a call from your spouse about some groceries to pick up for a party. You don’t have pen and paper with you. You can use the Sun List you learned in class 1, or you can use the Body List. We’ll use the Body List here. The person says Cake. You imagine cake melting on your head. Wine. You imagine red wine coming out of your nose. Asparagus. You imagine your teeth are asparagus sticks. Potato chips. You imagine potato chips coming out of your ears. Green juice. You imagine and taste green juice in your throat. Pineapples. You imagine balance two pineapples on your shoulders. Cheese. You imagine wearing a smelly necklace with different cheeses on it. Potatoes. You imagine each finger inside different colored potatoes. Salsa. You imagine rubbing salsa on your belly. Milk. You imagine accidentally sitting on milk while wearing your best black pants and feeling horrible. Once you peg the items to your body list using PIE, it’s very easy to recall. Remember that when we get information, we have to do something with that information within 6 seconds, or else we will forget it. PIE is a great way to use that information. To move that information into long-term memory, we should used spaced repetition. Review that information after 1 hour, 1 day, and 1 week. Key Idea 2: The Chain Linking Story Method This method is great for remember boring information and facts. Jim Kwik goes through an example of memorizing the periodic table of elements for chemistry class. The first 10 elements are Hydrogen Helium Lithium Beryllium Boron Carbon Nitrogen Oxygen Fluorine Neon The slow way to remember such a list is to repeat the list over and over again. You can use the Peg Method to remember it, but there’s another way: The Chain Linking Story Method. The idea of the Chain Linking Story Method is that we remember things by association. So if I say dog, you say cat. If I say cat, you say mouse. If I say mouse, you say cheese. If I say cheese, you say swiss. And on and on. This is useful because you're not restricted to the list of things you memorized for the Sun List or Body List, and you can make it very long. Let’s use the Chain Linking Story Method to remember the list of elements above. First, turn each item into a picture. Then connect the pictures one by one. Hydrogen – hydrogen is in water. Imagine a water bottle. Fiji water bottle. Helium – helium is in balloons. Imagine a giant red helium balloon tied to the Fiji water bottle, lifting it up into the sky. Lithium – lithium is in batteries. Imagine it starts raining batteries, which pops the balloon. Beryllium – sounds like barrel. Imagine that the batteries came from a big barrel in the sky. Boron – sounds like board. Imagine the barrel has a surf board penetrating the side of it. Carbon – diamonds are made of carbon. Imagine there’s a giant diamond on the surf board. Nitrogen – sounds like night rider (a black sports car). Imagine the diamond rolls off the surf board and falls into the night rider car’s open roof. Oxygen – sounds like ox. Imagine the you drive the car and park it between two oxes. Fluorine – fluorine is in toothpaste. Imagine the ox have smelly breath, so you brush its teeth with Colgate toothpaste Neon – Neon reminds me of neon signs. Imagine after you brush the Ox’s teeth, a big sign appears with fireworks saying “Congratulations! You are awesome!” Notice how this story is extremely easy to imagine and therefore recall in your head. You can easily continue the story to remember elements 10 to 20. To see an example that someone else did, check out this video. Homework Practice using the Body List and the Chain Linking Story Method. Teach them to someone else. Lesson Notes Directory Remembering Lists Remembering Names Vocabulary and Spelling Recalling Facts Remembering Speeches Remembering Numbers Remember Dates Remembering Sequences Learning Foreign Languages Body Memory Remembering Misplaced Things Remembering the Past

Memory basics and how to memorize a list of information easily. Context: I’m currently taking the Recall Masterclass from Kwik Learning right now, and as part of the homework, I am to teach what I learned each class to other people. The class is taught by Jim Kwik, a renowned brain coach. Since I’m a blogger, I’d like to share my notes with all of you. I hope you can use the knowledge and practice the methods to improve your memory as well. Class 1: Remembering Lists This lesson goes over the basics of how our memory works and how to remember a list of things. Key ideas: 1. Basic association 2. The Sun List 3. The Peg method Key Idea 1: Basic Association “All learning is, when we’re talking about your memory, is connecting something that you know to something you don’t know. You know something inside your mind already, and you’re connecting what you want to remember to it.” -Jim Kwik He gives the example of how if I say dog, you say cat. If I say cat, you say cheese. If I say cheese, you say swiss. It’s all linked. Key Idea 2: The Sun List Purpose: Use this list as the first item in a memory chain. It's called the Sun List because the first item is Sun. Goal: When you hear a number, you can recall the item on this Sun List right away. Key Idea 3: The Peg Method Pegs are like hooks on the wall. When visitors come, they put their coats on the pegs. Our memory works in a similar way. With the sun list, we now have 20 pegs. Goal: When people give us a list of items in random order, we can recall that list in any order. Method: We have to associate the item they give us to our Sun List item. To create a strong, memorable association, we need to use a vivid imagination. We should create an image in our head that is illogical, funny, or cool to make it memorable. A few examples: Jim tells me #9 is people. #9 on my Sun List is cat. I imagine cat people. That’s weird and funny so it’s memorable. Jim tells me #10 is power. #10 on my Sun List is toes. I imagine my toes doing bench presses. Jim tells me #5 is privilege. #5 on my Sun List is glove. I imagine the infinity gauntlet and how that gives Thanos privilege. Later, I can recall the random items given to me by someone else in any order. Reflection At the beginning of the class, Jim gave out a list of 20 items, and I only remembered 12 of the items correctly. At the end of the lesson, I was able to remember 19 correctly. Homework Memorize your Sun List inside-out, forwards and backwards Teach the Sun List to someone else Practice the Peg Method every day to memorize a list of 20 words Build on your Sun List. For example, 21 could be cards, 22 could be swans, etc. Homework Results: I practiced the Peg Method for 5 days, once or twice a day. I had my students test me. At the beginning, I was able to get maybe 60-70% of the words correctly. By the end of the week, I was at 85-95%. My best score was 19 out of 20. The time I got 19 out of 20, the words were fairly simple. Other times, my students gave me really hard and long words, so my score was lower. For example, for the word “precaution”, I remembered caution. For the word “metabolism”, I remembered metal. I still have lots of room for improvement, but the process is fun and rewarding! Lesson Directory: Remembering Lists Remembering Names Vocabulary and Spelling Recalling Facts Remembering Speeches Remembering Numbers Remember Dates Remembering Sequences Learning Foreign Languages Body Memory Remembering Misplaced Things Remembering the Past

How to not forget people's names two minutes after they tell you. Context: I’m currently taking the Recall Masterclass from Kwik Learning right now, and as part of the homework, I am to teach what I learned each class to other people. The class is taught by Jim Kwik, a renowned brain coach. Since I’m a blogger, I’d like to share my notes with all of you. I hope you can use the knowledge and practice the methods to improve your memory as well. Class 2: Remembering Names Image Source It probably goes without saying that remembering names is very important. If we forget someone’s name, it tells them we don’t care about them or respect them. On the contrary, if we can remember someone’s name, especially when most people can’t, then we leave a great impression on others and make them feel important. Key ideas: MOM The FDR Technique BE DR. SUAVE PIE Key Idea 1: MOM MOM stands for motivation, observation, method. For motivation, ask yourself why you want to remember that person’s name. Rank the intensity of your motivation on a scale of 0 to 10. Then ask yourself, how can I get that motivation higher? Maybe it’s because you want to practice what you learned from this memory course. Maybe it’s because you want to show that person respect. The higher the motivation, the easier you can remember it. For observation, you have to be in the present moment. Again, you can rate your level of focus from 0 to 10. When Jim met President Clinton, he was amazed at how Clinton could remember names so well. When he asked Clinton how he does it, Clinton said he doesn’t use any tricks. He just listens. And Jim noticed that when Clinton was talking to him, Clinton gave him 100% focus. It felt almost eerie but extremely powerful the level of attention he got from Clinton. For method, we’ll look at the next three key ideas. Note that method only accounts for 20% of success; the other 80% comes from motivation and observation. Key Idea 2: The FDR Technique The story goes that President Franklin D. Roosevelt would walk around the White House and meet people for the first time, and then he’d be able to remember all their names right away. How did he do it? When he heard a person’s name, he would imagine himself writing that person’s name on their forehead. Why does this work? It’s because your mind doesn’t know the difference between something you vividly imagine and something that’s real. For example, if I told you to close your eyes and imagine biting into a lemon, your mouth would salivate. When you imagine yourself writing the name on that person’s forehead, then the next time you see their face, you see that name as well. You can make this technique even stronger by imaging using your favorite color, and maybe you’re using a scented marker to write the name so then you can remember the scent as well. You should also use your fingers to micro-write it, perhaps when your hands are in your pocket or out of sight. The more senses you use, the easier it is to remember. The other reason why this works is because we basically have 6-seconds before we forget someone’s name. Jim calls it the 6-second syndrome. In order to remember the name, we have to use that name within 6-seconds. So by imagining ourselves writing the name, we do something with the name, which helps us remember it. Key Idea 3: BE DR. SUAVE B = Believe. We have to believe that we are capable of remembering names. As Jim says, “All behavior is belief-driven.” Don’t affirm limiting beliefs like “I have a bad memory” because when you fight for your limitations, you get to keep them. E = Exercise. In this context, exercise means practice. Practice using the FDR technique every day for a week. For example, when you go to the grocery store, just assign some names to random people, and imagine yourself writing that name on their face. Then when you see them again, recall their name. D = Decide. Decide that you are going to remember the person’s name. Most people don’t consciously decide to remember, so they unconsciously decide to forget. R = Relax Stress is a big obstacle to memory because stress creates chemicals that prepare us for fight-or-flight rather than clear thinking. Often times, just being aware that you’re starting to stress out can help you calm down. S = Say the person’s name. Again, use their name within 6 seconds of hearing it. It’s also a good chance to check that you heard the name correctly. U = Use the name. Aim to use the name 3 or 4 times in the conversation. Don’t abuse the name (use it excessively). A = Ask about the name. People often care deeply about their names. If you ask about it, you might learn something very interesting about them. V = Visualize. Visualize someone’s name by turning it into a picture. For example, imagine Mary on a marry-go-around, Mike signing on a microphone, Bob bobbing for apples, etc. Jim encourages us to search up the top 100 names in our area and think of images to associate with those names for practice. E = End. End means when you leave the room, say goodbye to people using their name. Key Idea 4: PIE PIE = Place, Imagine, Entwine When you meet someone, find a place on that person that really pops out at you. For example, maybe it’s their hat or earring or glasses. Then when you hear their name, imagine a picture and then entwine that picture to the place. For example, you meet someone named Mary, and she has a great hat. You imagine lambs (because Mary had a little lamb) eating her hat. Later you see her again. What’s her name? You recall lambs eating her hat. Oh right, her name was Mary. Homework Practice the FDR technique every day this week. Imagine yourself writing their name on their forehead with your favorite color using micro-movements from your fingers. Practice MOM. Make that motivation and observation score higher. Homework Results I didn't really get to practice last week because I didn't go out and see anyone new. However, I did meet one new person in a meeting, and her name was Meera. I imagined myself writing Meera on her forehead. Then I imagined her cuddling a meerkat. It was very easy for me to recall her name at the end of the meeting. Lesson Notes Directory Remembering Lists Remembering Names Vocabulary and Spelling Recalling Facts Remembering Speeches Remembering Numbers Remember Dates Remembering Sequences Learning Foreign Languages Body Memory Remembering Misplaced Things Remembering the Past

Image Source One night, a couple went to bed. Shortly after they went to bed, the man remembered he had to make an important call to a client. He got up, went to the closet, and changed into a suit. He then called the client and spoke in a very formal business manner. After the call, he went back to the closet, changed back into his pajamas, and went back to bed. His wife watched him the whole time and asked him, “Did you hit your head or something? Why did you change into a suit if you’re just making a phone call? He can’t even see you!” The husband replied, “Even though he can’t see me, he can definitely feel my attitude through my voice over the phone. I know my attitude is different when I’m in my work suit versus pajamas. So even if he can’t see me, I wear the suit to bring out my professional attitude.”

"The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience. And, paradoxically, the acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience.” —Mark Manson Image Source The desire for more positive experience is itself a negative experience: This quote rings loud for me because there was a time when my mother complained that I'm not happy enough. She wanted me to be happier, but her demand for me to be happier made me stressed and prevented me from being happier. Her words communicated that I'm not happy, but oddly enough, before she said those words to me, I didn't feel unhappy. And because she was complaining about me not being happy, I caught her negative energy. The point of the story though is not to say that we can't tell others to be happier. The point is, if you want others to do something, you need to lead by example. You can't tell others to be happy while you yourself are unhappy and using a complaining tone of voice. Furthermore, if you're giving a complaint, complain about action not character. Don't say, "Why are you so negative." Instead say, "When you talk about negative news all the time, it makes me feel like you're oppressed by negativity, and I think you should try looking for positive news." The acceptance of one’s negative experience is itself a positive experience: Indeed, stress comes from resistance to the way things are. The thing is, we really cannot change the outside circumstances, we can only change our internal attitude. When we simply accept things for the way they are, then we remove that resistance. It's like a weight being lifted off your shoulders. Then you naturally feel lighter and happier, and you'll have more energy to act. For example, I cannot change the fact that my mom complained about me not being happy. Me going through that event again and again in my head, feeling like I'm being wrongfully treated and misunderstood, is resisting reality. It creates stress and weight for me. Once I stopped resisting it and accepted it for the way it is, then I stopped thinking about it. The big question of course, is how do I stop resisting reality? Well, in this case, I reflected that if I were my mom, with her exact genes and experiences and personality, I would do exactly what she did. In other words, me saying, "She shouldn't have complained" or "that's unfair" is actually just my own story. That story does not match reality. Another thing I did is reflect on my value for respect and humility. Accepting a true criticism is nothing special. It ought to be done. Accepting an untrue criticism is true humility. This event showed me I'm clearly not at that level yet, so I need to improve. I reflected on what I might have done to make her think I'm unhappy. While I may not have felt like I brought any negative energy to the room, I certainly don't bring lots of positive energy either. I realized I usually bring neutral energy. Once I accepted the negative event and reflected on it, it became a positive event for me.

Thousands of candles can be lighted from a single candle, and the life of the candle will not be not be shortened. Happiness never decreases by being shared. Source: Heart of a Buddha mini book Source Commentary: We are like candles with limited energy and time in our lives. The most meaningful and joyful pursuit is to use our fire to light other candles, to leave a positive impact on all the other candles around us. Example: Giving words of affirmation, encouragement, or appreciation to the people around us. When people feel supported and valued, they will treat others with support and value.

Context I am encouraging my students to join the 2021 Global Youth Challenge, of which the topic is world peace. I am writing this article to my students to share what I’ve learned about achieving world peace so that they can have the greatest impact with their submissions. If you are not my student, then I hope this article can enlighten you on how you can do your part for achieving world peace. Why World Peace Matters What do you think of when you think about “World Peace?” This is important because if you cannot imagine and feel what world peace is like, you will lack the energy to promote it. We live in an unsettled and tumultuous world right now. Compared to the past, we may be getter richer materialistically, but we are getting deprived emotionally. Every day, we are bombarded with negative news by the media. No matter if people are wealthy or poor, high-status or low-status, people are not happy nor peaceful. Imagine a world where Everyone feels peace, contentment, and joy every day Everyone honors morality, virtues, and being a good person Everyone practices giving and compassion Everyone is yielding and considerate towards others Conflicts get resolved peacefully and easily Weapons for war are no longer needed The strong do not bully the weak Those are just some characteristics of world peace. Wouldn’t you agree that such a world is worth promoting and working hard for? If so, then I encourage you to join the 2021 Global Youth Challenge. How to Achieve World Peace If you want to learn anything, you should seek out the experts. For example, if you want to learn basketball, you’d seek out Michael Jordan. If you want to learn innovation, you’d seek out Elon Musk. What makes these experts credible? In his book Principles, Ray Dalio explains that credible people are people who 1. have accomplished the thing you want, and 2. also have great explanations for how they did it. The World Peace Experts So who are the credible experts on achieving world peace? They are the ancient Chinese sages, such Confucius (孔子), Mencius (孟子), Lao Tzu (老子), and Zhuang Zi (庄子). Think about it: Why have their books, such as The Analects of Confucius 《论语》and the Tao Te Ching 《道德经》, been able to survive and get passed down for over 2500 years? If their content was not truly enlightening, life-changing, and extremely helpful to all of humanity, then humans wouldn’t work so hard to pass these books down generation after generation. Because the ancient Chinese civilizations respected these sages and diligently followed their teachings, ancient China has the most amount of world peace in recorded history. The Experts’ Advice Now that we know who the experts are, the next question is, what do these experts say about achieving world peace? The Great Learning 《大学》 is a Confucian classic that answers our question. Let’s look at this short excerpt from the book: 欲治其国者，先齐其家； 欲齐其家者，先修其身； 欲修其身者，先正其心； (In just 27 words, we have the answer to world peace! Such is the wisdom of the sages.) I’ve put the original Chinese text here because it’s very challenging to translate the original meaning, and different translators might have different interpretations. Here’s my attempt at an English translation: One who wishes to administer the country*, must first organize the household**; One who wises to organize the household, must first cultivate one’s character***; One who wishes to cultivate one’s character, must first correct one’s heart and mind****; Notes about the English translation: *To administer the country means implies bring prosperity and peace to the country **To organize the household implies bring harmony and prosperity to the family ***To cultivate one’s character means acting in accordance with morality and virtues ****To correct one’s heart and mind means thinking in accordance with morality and virtues The first insight here is that there’s a cause-and-effect sequence. The root cause of world peace is the thoughts (heart and mind) of every person in the world. Our thoughts determine our actions. Our actions influence our relationships within groups of people, such as our families, friends, and community. The relationships of groups influence the peace of the whole world. The second insight here is that there are not tactics to achieve world peace because actions are not the root cause. We can’t say that implementing a particular government system or technology can bring world peace. The third insight here is that world peace is the responsibility of each individual; it is not solely the responsibility of leaders. If we cannot get along with ourselves (cultivate our character), how can we have harmony with others? If we cannot have harmony in groups, how can we have harmony in the country (a large group)? If countries cannot have harmony within themselves, how can we have world peace? Correcting our Thoughts In order to achieve world peace, we must correct our heart and mind, which will then correct their thoughts and actions. Correct thoughts are those aligned with morality and virtues. Incorrect thoughts are those out of alignment with morality and virtues. Examples of moral virtues include respect, reciprocity, compassion, integrity, humility, yielding, trustworthiness, conservation, caution, diligence, and gratitude. Examples of non-morality and non-virtue include disrespect, inconsideration, selfishness, corruption, arrogance, stubbornness, lying, wastefulness, negligence, laziness, and entitlement. Here's a summary of moral virtues: The First Five Virtues While it seems like there’s a long list of virtues, we can simplify it down to a short list of 5: Filial Piety Carefulness Trustworthiness Loving-Kindness Humility If we had to narrow it down to just one virtue, it would be filial piety. Filial piety basically means respecting and loving our parents. Think about it: if people cannot even respect and love their parents, how can they possibly respect and love others? If a parent calls a child, and the child ignores the parent and continues playing on his phone, that's not filial. That child will also disrespect other people, not just the parent. If a child can't ease the worries of his parent, how can he possibly be considerate of other people's feelings? The first target of respect and love is parents. A lot can be said on the topic of virtues. For more details, check out this article. Example: COVID-19 Let's look at how this applies to COVID-19. It’s no coincidence that China was able to contain COVID-19 so effectively, while the Western world struggled so much. Chinese culture emphasizes filial piety, humility, and thinking for the larger group. So when leaders asked citizens to stay indoors and practice social distancing, people listened. Someone with poor virtues might think, “Staying at home is so boring. I want to go out with my friends and have fun. Who are you to tell me I can't go out?" Someone who strong virtues would think, “Staying at home is boring, but I want to keep everyone safe, especially the weak elders. Plus, I am grateful to all the medical staff and leaders working hard to fight COVID-19, and I want to do my part to reduce their stress.” Another Example: Marriage Why are divorce rates so high nowadays? Because people lack true respect and love for others. How did this happen? They were never taught filial piety from a young age. They were raised to be entitled and selfish. Later in relationships, with marriage in the big one, they will inevitably encounter conflicts. People come from different backgrounds, with different views of the world, with different personalities. Differences are inevitable, but emotional conflict is not. If they have a heart of respect and love, then they can resolve the conflict productively and harmoniously. If they approach the conflict with a heart of selfishness and arrogance, then the conflict escalates to divorce. A non-filial person leaves a marriage because HE is unhappy. He doesn't care about what his parents think or the impact on society. Whereas a filial person would care about the impact on others and reflect on his own shortcomings. Divorce is a huge threat to world peace because families to the world are like cells to the human body. If cells get sick and die, that impacts the whole body. The husband-wife relationship is like the nucleus of the cell. If husband and wife do not get along, and they disrespect each other, that sets a bad example for the children. Children learn from adults' example not speech. They learn selfishness, arrogance, and disrespect from divorce. What YOU can do to Support World Peace Let’s do a quick review. We’ve looked at the underlying principles and logic for achieving world peace, and we’ve concluded that it starts with education on correcting our thoughts to be in alignment with morality and virtue. While there are many virtues, the first five are filial piety, carefulness, trustworthiness, loving-kindness, and humility. What can we do to educate people? Well, there are two main ways to teach people: words and action. It’s important for us to tell others about moral virtues, but we can’t expect that to change other people. People easily forget what they hear. The most important thing is that we lead by example. We have to think and act in alignment with morality and virtues. When we practice what we preach, people will believe us. If we tell people to be virtuous, but we ourselves are not virtuous, people will ignore us and call us liars. Now that you’ve learned this lesson, I encourage you to summarize and teach what you learned in your submission for the Global Youth Challenge. You also need to apply the learnings in your own life and share your own experiences. Leading by example is the best way to influence others. Aside from this lesson, I also recommend these resources: The Most Important Thing in Life: Character The Other H2O We Need: Humility, Harmony, and Openness Ethics 101 – Book Summary and Application Gandhi’s 10 Rules for Changing the World Good luck on your submissions, and I look forward to seeing them! --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- February 2021 Update The Global Youth Challenge 2021 has just ended (recording here), and I've learned a lot from the finalist submissions and the judges' questions. I want to share my learnings here to enrich the original article above. 1: The different threats to world peace stem from the same roots. To summarize the finalists submissions, the threats are war, conflict, and environmental sustainability. The call-to-action that participants gave was for people to speak up and for leaders to take positive action. That brings up the question, why don't people speak up? Why don't leaders take positive action? Perhaps part of it is a lack of awareness, but there are many aware people who still don't speak up or take action. We need to go back to what The Great Learning 《大学》 says. People's actions arise out of their thoughts. Their thoughts arise out of their hearts. Their heart hold their values. If they don't VALUE loving-kindness and equality, they won't have the thought to take positive action, so they don't take action. Therefore, telling people to DO things does not solve the root problem. Changing people's core values and beliefs solves the root problem. 2: Entertainment needs to be taken seriously. Entertainment forms such as art, music, and literature are the methods for spreading a message and influencing people's hearts and minds. Educational articles like what I've written here don't spread easily. It's highly logical and time consuming to read. It's not entertaining. Art, music, and literature are emotionally engaging. People act on emotion, not on logic. In ancient China, formal education and school were hard to access. However, plays and stage performances were common. These performances all demonstrated morality and virtue, so even the common folk who never had schooling were virtuous people. Unfortunately, in today's society, most of our entertainment is non-virtuous and promote bad ethics. It's no wonder then that the common folk in society lack morality. If want more world peace, we need more artists spreading morals and virtues. A great international role model right now is Jay Shetty, who creates emotionally-captivating videos with content that aligns with morality and virtues. His purpose is to make wisdom go viral, and he's worked tirelessly to offer wisdom videos at the speed of entertainment. He is extremely active on social media such as YouTube, has written a great book, and hosts a podcast that became the world's #1 health podcast. I encourage the common citizen to follow Jay Shetty's work because it's virtuous entertainment. I also encourage artists and creators to follow Jay Shetty's example of combining entertainment with virtuous education.

Today is Valentine’s Day, which symbolizes love and relationships to me. In honour of Valentine’s Day, I wrote this article to reflect on all that I’ve learned about love and relationships in my life so far. These principles are not just for romantic relationships, but all relationships, including family and workplace relationships. This article will talk about: What is “love”? Why relationships fail Principles for successful relationships What is “Love”? While there are many definitions out there, I’d like to share one that I find particularly insightful. It’s the definition that the ancient Chinese had in mind when they created the pictorial word for “love”. The traditional Chinese character for love is 愛. The inside is 心, which means heart, and the outside is 受, which means to feel. Therefore, ancient Chinese people defined love as using your heart to feel what the other person needs. Love is when parents use their focused attention (heart) to feel what their young child, who can not yet speak, needs. Love is when you use your heart to feel what the other person has not said they need, but you can feel that they need. Love is not forcing others to do something or be some way because you “love” them. The next time you want to be loving, use your heart to feel the other person’s needs. Why Relationships Fail Jay Shetty said that the most important skill couples need to learn is how to fight. I found that statement to be extremely insightful. Differences and disagreements are inevitable since people have different backgrounds and personalities. Differences are not the problem. The problem is people don’t know how to interact with others who are different from them. Principles for Successful Relationships We operate at three levels. From deepest to shallowest, they are character (deeply seated values and beliefs), conscious thought, and actions. Below are some principles I’ve accumulated for successful relationships and effective conflict resolution. Character Level 1. Be respectful 2. Be loving (use your heart to feel what they need) 3. Be proactive 4. Be humble and open-minded 5. Be grateful Being respected and loved is a deep need that everyone has. Respecting and loving others when things are good is easy. Respecting and loving others during disagreement is true respect and love. It’s not helpful to be reactive and demand others to give us respect and love first. When we go first to give respect and love to others, then we are being proactive to improving the relationship. Since everyone has different backgrounds and personalities, we ought to be open-minded enough to listen and humble enough to learn from them. Only by deeply understanding them can we discover out how to interact with them more harmoniously. If you’re caught up in negative emotions in the moment, it’s easy to lose sight of all the positive things they’ve done for you. Regularly being grateful to them encourages them to give more. Being entitled is the easiest way for them to stop giving. Thought level For building relationships 1. Bring goodness into their lives and take suffering out 2. Focus on bringing out their strengths For resolving conflicts 3. Conflicts are inevitable, but unhappiness is not 4. Conflicts are opportunities for improvement in the relationship 5. Seek first to understand 6. People don’t care about logic until they feel emotionally comforted 7. How have I contributed to creating the circumstances that I don’t want? The simplest way to think about love is to give them what's good for them and remove their suffering. Take care of them. Help them take care of themselves. Since people have different strengths and weaknesses, we should focus on maximizing their strengths rather than scrutinizing their weaknesses. Bringing out their strengths is adding goodness to their life. To learn about people’s different strengths and weaknesses, we can use personality tests such as Myers-Briggs and Four Tendencies. Points 3 to 7 are all about conflict resolution. We don't have to approach differences negatively. We can approach them with respect and humility, and view them as opportunities to improve the relationship. Each challenge you overcome together strengthens your relationship. When there’s emotional conflict, we have to seek first to understand. That’s because people don’t care about logic until they feel emotionally comforted. Showing that you care enough about them to understand them is the first step to comforting them. Confirming your understanding will let them trust you and be open to listening. Remember it’s never 100% their fault. Always think about your own contribution to the problem. When we can reflect outer problems back to inner problems, we gain power. Action Level For building relationships 1. Focus on using their Love Language to express love to them 2. Supplement with the other love languages 3. Give lots of encouragement and appreciation 4. Minimum level: Treat them the way you'd want to be treated in that situation 5. Higher level: Have unconditional love and respect For resolving conflicts: 6. Validate their feelings 7. Check that you understand them 8. Say your mistakes so that others don’t need to 9. Express your needs clearly and offer specific actions for them 10. Speak with a warm voice Building Relationships There are five love languages: Words of affirmation Physical touch Receiving gifts Quality time Acts of service People usually have 1 or 2 primary love languages. If we want to be loving and give others happiness, then we need to know their love language and give them love in their love language. Using a love language that is not their primary one is still helpful, but not as impactful. Giving encouragement and appreciation often is important because research shows that long-lasting relationships have a positive-to-negative experience ratio of at least 5:1. When it comes to the way we treat others, we should at least treat them the way we'd want to be treated. If we're stressed out and say something mean that we regret, we'd just want the other person to give us a hug, not fight back and make us feel worse. Going a level higher, we should treat them the way they want to be treated. If something is really important to them but not to us, we can do it out of love for them. Resolving Conflicts During disagreements, it's very important to check our understanding of their feelings and story. We can say things like “It sounds like you’re feeling ________” “Just to check that I understand you, do you mean ________” We should also state our contribution to the problem upfront so that others don’t need to say it, or at least don’t need to keep repeating it because we’ve acknowledged it rather than deny it. We can say something like, "I'm not perfect, I have faults, and I'd like to start by acknowledging how I've contributed to the problem." When we can come from a place of humility, we set a good example for the other person to follow. We need to take responsibility for knowing our needs and communicating them clearly. We need to offer specific actions for them to take. For example, don't say, "Why can't you be more caring towards my needs?" This kind of statement is hurtful because it criticizes the person's character and does not provide a specific action or solution for them. An effective expression of need would be, "Cleanliness is very important to me, and when I come home to dirty dishes, I get stressed. Since I'm rushed in the morning, if you clean the dishes after breakfast, I would feel very loved and happy." Finally, we need to practice consciously speak with warm tone. When we speak with a warm tone, it's hard to be angry and selfish. When people hear a warm tone of voice, it's hard for them to remain angry and upset. Conflicts are stressful, and a warm tone of voice brings a much needed sense of comfort. Conclusion Probably all of us have struggled or are still struggling with relationships. Bad relationships ruin life, while great relationships make life worth living. I hope these principles will help you have great relationships, whether they be with a romantic partner, with family, or at the workplace. Sources The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People by Stephen Covey The 5 Love Languages by Gary Chapman Difficult Conversations by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Shelia Heen Principles by Ray Dalio Di Zi Gui: Guide to a Happy Life Ethics 101 by John Maxwell Emotional Intelligence by Daniel Goleman The Effective Executive by Peter Drucker

Is there anything you want to improve about yourself? Have you ever tried to change yourself without much success? We’ve just finished January, so new year’s resolutions and habit change are two topics that have been on my mind a lot. Why is it that so many people fail to change themselves after their short burst of January motivation is over? Contemporary advice talks about things like Convenience: make the good habits convenient and bad habits inconvenient Scheduling: make sure you schedule in what you want to do Accountability: report to someone or an app on your progress Cue-Response Rules: When X happens, I will respond by doing Y. (Example: Whenever I wash my hands, I will first do 1 or more push-ups) All this advice makes sense, but it seems to all focus on willpower. Convenience is about reducing the willpower needed to do something, while the other three all require willpower and discipline. Is there a better approach to change? “If you want new ideas, read old books.” –Ivan Petrovich Pavlov. I experienced the truth of this quote when I read the book Liao Fan’s Four Lessons, which was written nearly 500 years ago! In his book, Liao Fan explains that change can happen at three levels: Action Reasoning Heart Contemporary advice focuses on the action level. Make the action convenient. Schedule in the action. Have someone check that you did the action. Ancient advice focuses on changing through reasoning and from the heart. Think of your habits like a tree. The leaves represent your actions, the trunk represents your thoughts and rationale, and the roots represent your heart (deep essence). Let’s say you have a bad habit of complaining about others and the world, and you want to change that bad habit. This is actually a bad habit I have, and I’ve taken the 21-Day No Complaint challenge before to try to improve it. Anyway, let’s go through the three levels of change for this example. Changing Through Action Changing through action would be using all the contemporary advice. Cue-Response: If I get annoyed, I will stop and try to think of something positive about the situation or person. Accountability: I will journal my results every day and post them publicly When I revisited my notes, I found it was a lot of “this annoying thing happened, but I forced myself to not complain and instead think positively about it.” Changing Through Reasoning Changing through reasoning requires contemplation and reflection. You can find a quiet time to just sit and reflect or journal. Consider that everyone has different strengths and weakness. I wouldn’t want others to only focus on my weaknesses and judge me for them, so I shouldn’t do that to others. If someone does that to me, then that is their problem, and it has nothing to do with me. If I get complain about them, I’m committing the same offense as them. One who thinks he/she is always right is deluded, while one who focuses on learning and humility is truly wise. Therefore, there’s no reason for me to complain about them, and there’s actually great reasons to not complain. Changing From the Heart Changing from the heart gets at the root of the problem. Your “heart” in this case means your deeply seated values and beliefs. It is your character. Our character determines our thoughts, and our thoughts determine our actions. Changing from the heart means to change the essence of who we are, such that our thoughts naturally align with the new person we want to be. Since I have a bad habit of complaining about others and the world, then my character is rooted in vices such as arrogance and entitlement. Deep down, I believe I am better than others and I deserve things. To change that, I need to work on being humble instead of arrogant, giving instead of entitlement. To become more humble, I can read books from smart people to help you realize how little I know in the world. To become less entitled, I can go volunteer at a homeless shelter or a hospital to realize how fortunate I am. These things change the essence of who I am. They change the root of my thoughts. The next time I encounter some small thing that I’d usually complain about, that thought of complaining doesn’t even come up anymore because I pulled out the roots. Which Method Should We Use? Most people try to change through action. Changing through action relies on your willpower to make the new action a habit. It requires the least amount of preparation and is the hardest to sustain. My 21-Day No Complaint challenge didn't get rid of my habit, it just helped me suppress it. Later, my complaining habit came back. Changing through action is like pulling off leaves from a poisonous tree. More leaves will grow back. Liao Fan explains that the best way is to change through the heart and through reasoning together. That is like pulling out the poisonous tree from the roots. Sometimes, we need all three methods to change. Perhaps you can’t see a strong enough reason to change yet, so you can start by changing through action. After a while, you see benefits, and that gives you reason to change further. My Personal Example To finish my personal example of trying to complain less, I would say I’ve gotten much better, and it’s because I changed through reasoning and from the heart. To change through reasoning, I went deep into the importance of and logic for humility. I read Ray Dalio’s book Principles, where he talks about how radical open-mindedness is the key to his success. I also got really into personality tests, like Myers-Briggs and Four Tendencies, to learn about the different strengths and weaknesses of people. I read the 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, and how the first habit is to be proactive. We can’t change the outside, but we can always decide how we respond. To change from the heart, I need to change my arrogance and impatience. I noticed that I usually complain about people doing inconsiderate things or about things taking extra time than I expected. To change arrogance, I cultivate compassion: my goal in social interactions is to give them a positive emotional experience. Harmony is king. I want to be a compassionate person. With this kind of heart, complaints naturally fade away. To change impatience, I focus on doing things slow and carefully. Whereas before, I’d spend every available minute doing something, I now schedule large blocks of time to do things so that I can do them calmly and properly. With a calm heart, I don’t get annoyed or flustered if unexpected interruptions come up. Indeed, I’ve experienced that when we change through reasoning and from the heart, then the change is much more natural and permanent. A Friend's Example I have a high school friend who smoked for many years, and he tried many times to quit. He tried forcing himself to not smoke, using nicotine patches, and vaping. None of these things had lasting results. These were all attempts to change through action. He also knew the logic for not smoking. He knew that smoking damages the lungs and increases the risk for cancer. He knew that smokers die earlier. It still wasn't enough for him to change. One time, after we hadn't talked for a while, I asked him how things were going. He told me that he and his dad (who is also a smoker) have been cigarette free for 1 year and 2 months. I was amazed since I knew he tried to quit many times before. I asked him how they were able to quit. He told me, "Well you see my dad had a heart aneurysm and had to have heart surgery and I had a panic attack seeing all the dying people in the ICU when he was immediately post-surgery and so we both quit smoking." That is changing from the heart. From that experience, he really came to deeply value his health and his life more than the temporary pleasure of a cigarette. Concluding Thoughts What is something you wish to change about yourself? How can you change through reasoning and from the heart? On a related note, do you wish to change someone else? The three levels of change also apply to helping others change, and this article talks about it further.