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If a person understands the virtue of humility, he is the person who also understands the importance Furthermore, my lack of virtues is related to this long drought. My Experience with Humility Humility is a virtue that speaks dearly to me because arrogance is probably I spend many months reading The Guide to Happy Life every day to remind myself to practice the five virtues

Once upon a time, an Evil King went to a Good King's castle for dinner. The Good King provided a beautiful reception for the Evil King, even though he knew the Evil King probably had some inner agenda and negative motives in mind. The two kings sit down for dinner, and the server brings two identical plates of food and places them in front of the two kings. Source: Unsplash The Good King said, "Enjoy your meal", and proceeded to start eating. But just as he was about to take his first bite, the Evil King stopped him and swapped the two plates. The Good King was bemused and asked, "What's going on? Is there something wrong?" The Evil King replied, "Well, this is my first time here, and you may have poisoned my food." The Good King laughed and said, "OK, let's carry on with our meal then." Just as the Good King was about to take a bite, the Evil King swapped the two plates again. The Good King said, "What's wrong this time?" The Evil King replied, "Well, maybe this is all a set-up and you double-bluffed me." The Good King, laughed, shook his head, and started eating. That night, the Good King ate his meal while the Evil King went hungry. Morale of the Story: If you have judgment, suspicious, or envy towards someone else, you may be projecting that problem onto other people. But in reality, the problem is in you, not them. For example, if you think your boss is against you, you will act in a way similar to the Evil King, and you will be the one to go hungry. Source: Think Like a Monk by Jay Shetty. (Video)

Have you ever been in an embarrassing situation and not know what to do in the moment? Recently, I was at a lunch event with one of my teachers, Venerable Chengde, and someone did something quite embarrassing. I was really impressed by the way my teacher handled the situation. Basically, lots of people were talking with my teacher and inviting him to give lectures at different places. He said, "I appreciate the invitations, but I really need to settle down and improve my own abilities first. Otherwise, I don't have much to help others with. Also, this year has been extremely busy for me. As you can see, I'm becoming more and more skinny. This is setting a bad example for people. If I don't make some adjustments, I'll end up heroically sacrificing myself." Then the person beside my teacher started clapping with a big smile. Immediately after, the person beside that person said, "What are you doing?! You can't clap!" He probably misunderstood Venerable Chengde's words, and when he realized that no one wants Venerable Chengde to die from exhaustion, he felt really embarrassed. I was thinking, "Well, this is quite awkward…" Then, Venerable Chengde said: "It's okay. We need to see the intention behind his action." Image Source Then he shared a couple stories: When I was studying under Venerable Jing Kong in Australia, there was a special guest who requested to sit near Venerable Jing Kong. That night at dinner, she found out her seat was right beside Venerable Jing Kong. She was quite startled and told the organizer 'I said closer, but not this close!' She was probably nervous because Venerable Jing Kong has such high prestige. Anyway, as they were eating, she suddenly said, 'Venerable Jing Kong, you truly have natural radiance!' Immediately, the person beside her said, "This isn't natural radiance! This is the magnificent image of Buddhism!" Suddenly, the atmosphere got really awkward, and no one knew what to say. Then, Venerable Jing Kong said, "Natural radiance is good." Immediately, she signed a breath of relief. You see, Venerable Jing Kong saw the intention behind her actions. To her, 'natural radiance' is already the biggest compliment she could come up with. She doesn't have 'magnificent image of Buddhism' in her vocabulary bank. The person who criticized her only saw her action, but not the intention behind her actions. A similar situation happened to the Buddha. One day, he went out to beg for food as usual. There was a little girl playing happily with some mud. When she saw the magnificent image of the Buddha, she felt extremely moved, and she rushed over to give him the mud she was playing with. When she put the mud in the Buddha's bowl, the student beside the Buddha got really angry and said, "What are you doing?! You can't put mud in the Buddha's bowl!" The Buddha immediately stopped his student and his, "It's okay. Today, I received treasure. Thank you." You see, the student was overly focused on the girl's actions, so he got angry. But the Buddha saw the intention behind the action. To that little girl, the mud was her favorite thing in the world, and she was willing to give it to the Buddha. That is precious. Likewise, we need to see the intention behind this person when he clapped for me. My feeling is that he has a strong sense of heroism, and he is willing to sacrifice himself for others, and that is very precious." After my teacher finished speaking, everyone's look towards that man changed from awkwardness to smiles. He himself felt relieved. My Reflection Oftentimes, people have positive or neutral intentions, but we misinterpret their intentions as negative, or we just overly focus on their actions. As a result, we create awkwardness, or even worse, conflict, when we really didn't need to. For example, one time my neighbor brought over a lot of pears from his pear tree to my house. I said to my mother, "Wow, that's a lot of pears." Shortly after, another neighbor came over, so I gave some of the pears to that neighbor. Later, my mother later said, "Why did you give so many pears to them? You should've consulted with me first! I had other plans for those pears." I felt upset because I thought I was doing a good thing to share the pears with others. My mother was logically correct that I should have checked with her first, but I would have felt better if she could affirm my intentions first by saying, "It's great that you like to share good things with others, but next time you should check with me first. After all, the neighbor gave it to us, not you, and I might have other plans for those pears." But anyway, we cannot demand others to change, we can only change ourselves. Therefore, I can cultivate my humility and remind myself to never assume negative intentions. Instead, either assume positive intentions from others, or check their intentions. I heard another example where a student was really tired and overslept past breakfast. When she woke up, she was angry at her roommate for not waking her up to go eat breakfast. Her roommate got upset too because she thought it would be better to let her sleep more since she was so tired. It would have been much better if the person said, "Hey I just wanted to ask why you did not wake me up for breakfast? Oh thank you for being considerate and letting me sleep more. Sorry for making you worry. By the way, next time, could you wake me up and ask me if I want to go to breakfast? That way I can decide myself. Thank you." To give one last example, one time I was chatting with some teachers, students, and parents. Everyone was sitting except for another teacher, myself, and a student. After a while, that student went to grab a chair. After the student sat on the chair for a few minutes, his mother suddenly said, "What are you doing? You should get chairs for the teachers!" The student probably had neutral intentions; he simply didn't think to get chairs for the teachers, but he was not purposely trying to be disrespectful. The parent was overly focused on the action and didn't consider her son's intentions, nor did she consider how her words would make her son and the people there feel very awkward. Then the other teacher said, "Oh thank you for warming up the seat for me!" Everyone laughed, and the student did not feel so awkward afterwards. Conclusion Don't overly focus on people's actions. Instead, see the intention behind their actions. Even better, always assume positive intentions; it can only make the situation better. Weekly Wisdom #238

teaching workshop, and we were discussing the importance of teachers cultivating their own character and virtues If I make an angry outburst, they will think I am a hypocrite who teaches about virtues but cannot walk She told us this story to encourage us that we cannot just talk about virtues, we need to actually practice

Once, a university professor went to visit a well-respected Zen Master to learn about Zen. The Master first invited him to sit for a cup of tea. The professor sat down and started talking about Zen. The Master quietly prepared and poured the tea. When the tea was filled to the cup's brim, he kept pouring. The professor watched the overflowing cup until he could no longer restrain himself. "It's full! No more will go in!" blurted the professor. "The same with your mind. How can I teach you Zen unless you first empty your cup?" Image Source Commentary Many lessons can be drawn from this story. The main one would be that we can't learn something that we think we already know. Recently, I had two experiences that reminded me of this story. Story 1 I'm teaching a healthcare course this semester, and I was talking to my students about whether western medicine is better or Traditional Chinese Medicine. One student said "I don't trust Chinese medicine, all the people who use it are old-fashioned in thinking and illogical." I said to him, "For you to have such a strong negative reaction to Chinese medicine, I'm guessing you must've had a really bad experience with it in the past, is that right?" He said yes, that the people who recommended Chinese medicine to him in the past left a very negative experience in his mind. A key point I wanted to teach in that discussion is that nothing is 100% always good or always bad; it's about using it correctly. Western medicine is great for emergency life-saving situations, while Chinese medicine is much better for long-term health and chronic-illness prevention. But throughout our Chinese medicine unit, this student indeed was unable to let go of his prejudice towards Chinese medicine, which I felt was a shame because he's a bright student and could have really benefited from using Chinese medicine in his life. Story 2 My mother accidentally shut the car door on her thumb, which resulted in her nail turning blue/purple and swollen. Unlike the student in my class, my mom was prejudiced towards western medicine, thinking it's illogical and naïve. The next day morning, she told me she didn’t sleep well because her thumb started to hurt so much at night. I did a quick internet search and told her she needs to dip her hand in ice water for 30 minutes twice a day. She immediately dismissed my idea and told me she doesn’t need it. I still went ahead and prepared the ice any way, just in case. Shortly after, she changed her mind and decided to give it a try. She ended up using ice water for most of the day. At the end of the day, she told me, "Wow, this western medicine solution was really useful! My thumb is so much better now. I always thought western medicine was dumb because they think cutting off body parts will solve illnesses. But it looks like I got saved by western medicine this time." Conclusion As Epictetus once said, “You can’t learn that which you think you already know.” If you want to learn anything, first empty your mind of all your pre-existing opinions so that you can listen with full respect and attention.

I recently watched a heartwarming movie called The Ron Clark Story, and it's based on a real story about a teacher, Ron Clark, who tries to turn around the toughest, naughtiest sixth grade class in New York. It is a story about pursuing dreams, overcoming challenges, and building relationships. We may not all be teachers, but this movie can be insightful and inspirational for all of us. Image Source The film won multiple awards, including the Family Film Awards for Best TV Movie/Drama. It is a great watch for all audiences, and it can be found on YouTube for free here. Below, I'm going to give a summary (spoiler alert) and then share my learnings. Part 1: Summary 1.1 Beginning Ron Clark is a talented elementary school teacher from a small town in North Carolina, and his students do exceptionally well on standardized tests. His school hopes he will stay forever, but after reading all the news about troubled schools in New York, he feels that New York needs him the most. Hence, he packs his bags and heads to the metropolis. After arriving in New York, he first stays in a motel while looking for a job. It took quite a while, and he ran out of cash, so he got a part-time gig at a restaurant. Eventually, he arrives at Inner Harlem Elementary School, where a teacher had just quit because a student tried to assault him. Ron tells the principal that he could replace that teacher today. After the principal looked at his resume, he offered Ron a good class, probably out of fear that Ron would quit just like the previous teacher if given the naughty class. However, Ron happily insisted that he wants the naughty class because he knew that's where he could make the most impact. It was Friday, and the principal told him he can start on Monday. 1.2 Starting His New Job Over the weekend, Ron visits the families of all his students, hoping to get the parents cooperation and support throughout the school year. He soon finds out that each family is challenged, overworked, or messed up in their own way. On Monday, he starts teaching the naughty class with his big ideals, and he quickly realizes that this class is unlike any he's ever faced before. In fact, it's challenging beyond his wildest imagination. He gives his utmost love and care to the class, but the class only gives back disrespect and even hostility. Occasionally, Ron has small successes in getting the class to behave well, but his method is rather forceful, so although the students comply temporarily, they are accumulating resentment inside, and they wreak havoc later. Eventually, Ron has an angry outburst and walks out of the classroom, ready to quit. He's been in New York for a while, but he never explored the town yet, so he asked a friend from the restaurant he works at to show him around. He shares his struggles and how he plans to give up on his ideals. His friend gives him a pep talk and encourages him to go back because those students desperately need him the most. 1.3 Rising From Failure Thanks to his friend's help, Ron rises from his abyss and is re-determined to turn this class around. Rather than forcing his students to behave properly, he decides to bargain with them. He brings dozens of small chocolate milk cartons to class and tells them, "Every 15 seconds you behave well and listen in class, I will drink a carton of chocolate milk. If you guys can hold out long enough, you just might see me puke." (Ron Clark getting his students to behave using chocolate milk) The class is super excited at this offer, and they finally behave well for a long time. Whenever any student interrupts the class or does something bad, all the other students give that person a nasty look. Eventually, Ron asks a question, and a student answers correctly. Ron is extremely happy, and the student is surprised that she could actually "learn." Ron's sincerity finally breaks through, and the students start warming up to him. He even goes to play with them during recess. In the past, the students would ignore him, but now, they let him play jump rope with them. 1.4 A Challenge of Beliefs Halfway through the year, the principal has a meeting with Ron. He is unimpressed at his class's test scores and says, "These kids are at the bottom of the barrel. All I'm asking is for your students to pass, then they can become someone else's problem." Ron is upset and argues, "The problem isn't the kids. The problem is your expectations. You are setting the bar down here. Why? Set it up here! They can make it! In May, all my students will test at grade level." The principal rolls his eyes and says, "I don't see how that's possible." Ron says, "I'm sorry, did I say grade level? I meant above grade level." Unbeknownst to Ron, his students were actually listening outside the principal's office, and they were shocked at their teacher's promise to the principal. Later, Ron gives a motivational talk to his students about how he had overcome his fears and achieved something he never thought was possible in the past, and that every day in class, the students are also working to achieve something big that they never thought was possible: being a stellar student and achieving a bright future. He told them, "If you trust me, then come up here and light a candle on this cake, and I promise you that you will learn more than you ever imagined in our class." (Ron Clark inviting his students to light a candle and put their trust in him) Now that his trust level was high with the students, they didn't argue or misbehave. They came up, lit a candle, and put their trust in their teacher. 1.5 Rising from More Failure The school year continues, and none of the students passed the history test. Rather than blame the students, he reflects on his teaching methods. He realizes that he needs to do something more fun, engaging, and interesting to help the students learn, so he creates a rap to help his students learn America's past presidents, and he even performs for them. (Ron Clark singing the Presidents' Rap with his students) This rap is extremely well received by the students, and everyone's interest in history is sparked. Later, nearly all his students got A on the history test. 1.6 Another Challenge of Beliefs Ron identifies some students that need extra help and take initiative to give them outside-of-class tutoring. One student is Shameika, who always has excuses for not handing in homework. Ron visits her home and asks to see her homework. She says she is too busy and didn't finish. Ron looks at it anyway and says this is actually pretty good, and she just needs to fix some small things. Shameika is surprised, but before she could continue working on her homework, her three brothers arrive home from their babysitter, and Shameika has to go cook dinner because her parents are out busy working. Ron offers to cook dinner so that she can fix her homework. Later, her mother arrives home to see Ron eating dinner with her kids, and she is extremely upset, saying, "You don't think I can take care of my family Mr. Clark? Leave my house." The next day, she goes to the principal's office and complains that her kid comes to school to learn, so she shouldn't be doing school work at home. Ron argues that students have homework, and Shameika can't be babysitting all day. He says, "Shameika has more potential than any kid in my class. Why can't you see that?" Shameika's mother angrily replies, "How dare you tell me what I should or should not see in my daughter. I'm taking her home. This guy better not be teaching at this school when I bring my kid back tomorrow." As they leave, Shameika turns around and pleads to the principal, "Please don't fire Mr. Clark! He was just trying to help. Mr. Clark please don't leave because of me." (Shameika pleading Ron Clark to not leave the school) Before they exit the school, Ron runs to catch up with them. The mother says, "Why are you doing this? You give her these grand ideas. The world is just going to crush her down!" Ron says, "I don't believe that. I just know she's a great student, a born leader, creative, intelligent." The mother is astonished and says, "Shameika? My Shameika?" Ron replies, "Yes! If she tests well enough in May, we might be able to get her into Manhattan West for middle school." The mothers says, "That's for gifted kids." Ron silently looks at her and nods in affirmation. The mother finally says, "Maybe Ms. Benson (the babysitter) can keep the boys a little longer every day." 1.7 The Final Stretch It's only two months until the big test, and Ron gets pneumonia. He is forced to stay at home for at least two weeks, so he records video lectures for his students to watch in class. (Ron Clark pre-records videos for his students while recovering from pneumonia) One week before the state exams, his students are worried and lack confidence. They say things like, "We always mess up," "Everyone thinks we're losers," and "What if we choke on the test?" Ron gives them a pep talk and emphasizes that they have been working hard every single day, that they've accomplished so much over the past year, and that he is extremely proud of them. He affirms them that they will crush the test and walk out of that room knowing they can do anything they want to do in their life. After the exams, the principal personally came to Ron's classroom and told them that they scored higher than any other class, even higher than the honors class. Afterwards, his students went on to attend some of the finest middle schools and high schools in New York. Part 2: My Learnings Lesson 1: A Meaningful Life is About Serving the Greater Good Ron Clark didn't have to go to New York and take on such difficult students. He could have had a comfortable life in his hometown. But he saw a desperate need for his talents in New York, and he was willing to let go of personal comfort for the greater good. Of course, no dream is easy to accomplish, but I'm sure Ron feels like he made the right decision to serve the greater good, and everyone will remember him for it. Image Sources: 1, 2 This isn't to say that having a comfortable life is bad, or that we all need to take a big risk to chase a dream. The key point is that if we want to feel a sense of meaning in life, we should try to serve the greater good in some shape or form. We can start off small and let it accumulate naturally. Ron Clark didn't dream of going to New York on his first day as a teacher. He taught for many years, accumulating his passion and abilities, then when he felt the time was right, he took the risk. Anyone can start by finding a cause that we care about, and then helping out that cause in whatever way is suitable for our current situation. Serving the greater good will bring us a sense of fulfillment and help us feel like our life was well-lived. Lesson 2: There is no unteachable student, no unchangeable person There is a Chinese proverb that goes, "When you don't get the results you want, reflect on yourself." In other words, don't blame other people or outside circumstances. As a teacher, it can be easy for me to write off "bad" students as "hard-to-teach". After all, some students can earn high grades with my current teaching method, so if other students do poorly, that's clearly their problem. Perhaps they don't pay attention in class, or they don't do their homework, or they just don't care about this class. But Ron Clark reminded me that if I was truly a good teacher, I would be able to find a way to teach them rather than blame them. Image Source Ron Clark got his students to behave well by drinking dozens of cartons of chocolate milk. When his class failed the history test, he made a rap to help them remember the past presidents and spark their interest. It's not that the students are unteachable, it's just that we teachers don't care enough to find creative ways of teaching that appeal to our "bad" students. Just like a doctor should not blame a patient for having a complicated illness, a teacher should not blame a student for struggling to learn. The same can be said for the parent-child or the leader-follower relationships. Is our child/follower really unteachable? Or did we just not make the effort to truly understand them and then try different methods until we find one that works? The same goes for any relationship. Is that person really unchangeable? Or are we just not willing to truly understand them and then persist in trying different ways to inspire them? I think the reason Ron was able to come up with these creative teaching methods that resonated with his students is because he took the time to truly understand them, and he is always thinking of ways to help his students succeed, whether walking, eating, or showering. These aren't ideas he got off the internet or that other people told him, these are sparks of inspiration that came from his nonstop effort to help his students. Therefore, if we want to change others, we need to spend the time to really understand them, and then sincerely think of ways to inspire them. The question isn't whether or not they are changeable, it's whether or not we are willing to put in the effort. Lesson 3: The success of everything depends on endurance If we want to build anything, whether it's a relationship, a career, a skill, or a thing, it all takes endurance. We have to endure hardship, challenges, and negative emotions. Ron had to endure his students' naughty behavior, his principal's prejudice, parents' misunderstandings, and even pneumonia. And not just for a day or two. Ron had to endure everyone's prejudice towards his class for a whole year, until his students finally proved themselves with their stellar test scores. Ron also nearly gave up at the beginning because he couldn't endure his anger. He worked so hard for many weeks to establish class rules, and one angry outburst burned everything he had built. His students probably thought, "Aha, I knew it. You don't actually believe in us. You just want us to control us. That's why you got angry when we didn't listen." The same is true in our own relationships. If we do nice things for others but expect them to be grateful, then we will get annoyed when they don't return our grace. As that annoyance builds up, eventually, our anger will explode, and then they will think, "Aha, I knew it. You were just putting on a show to get me to do something. You don't truly want the best for me. I'm not going to change for you." We might think these students are too unreasonable to endure, but in reality, their situation is very reasonable. They are the result of their unfavorable circumstances over years and years of accumulation. Despicable people have lamentable circumstances. If a problem took years to accumulate, it's not going to get fixed in the snap of a finger. We have to endure it out. The same is true for most problems we face in life. These problems have years of complicated history, so we have to be patient and persistent in trying to overcome them. Ultimately, if we want to be successful in life, we all need to develop resilience towards hardship and the ability to manage negative emotions, especially anger. When we face tough situations and struggle to endure, it's helpful to have good friends who can support us. Fortunately, Ron had a good friend who helped him out of his depressed state, or else the students would have had a very different future. Lesson 4: Belief is the mother of possibility Ron Clark taught the naughtiest class in New York, and no one believed this class was capable of anything good…except Ron Clark. He was the first teacher to believe in his students, and this belief isn't a shallow belief, it's a deep belief that can withstand challenges. Below are three examples, and from these examples, I can really feel that when someone deeply believes in us, it is powerful. It inspires us to live up to their expectations for us, and we know if we ever struggle, we can go to them for help. Example 1: When the principal said, "These kids are at the bottom of the barrel. All I'm asking is for your students to pass, then they can become someone else's problem." Ron said, "The problem isn't the kids. The problem is your expectations. You are setting the bar down here. Why? Set it up here! They can make it! In May, all my students will test at grade level." The principal rolls his eyes and says, "I don't see how that's possible." Ron says, "I'm sorry, did I say grade level? I meant above grade level." From this incident, I could sense that Ron deeply believes in his students, and without this deep belief, there's no way he would have been able to persist through so many obstacles and find creative solutions to help his students achieve such high scores on the state exams. Example 2: When Shameika's mother said, "Why are you doing this? You give her these grand ideas. The world is just going to crush her down!" Ron says, "I don't believe that. I just know she's a great student, a born leader, creative, intelligent." This was after Shameika's mother had given Ron an angry outburst and demanded that the principal fire him. For Ron to say these kinds of words to her despite all the disrespect she gave him, it really shows how deeply Ron believes in Shameika even when no one else, not even her mother, believed in her. I also felt that Shameika's mother was hardened by difficulty and suffering. Deep down, we all want to have hope. But some of us become scared of disappointment, so then we don't dare to hope. That's why her mother didn't want Ron to give her daughter such high hopes. She's not trying to be mean, she's just flinching from past hurt. I think Ron understands that every parent inherently wants the best for their children, and that this mother needed someone to affirm her child. His deep belief in her child finally got through to her, and she decided to cooperate with Ron. As a result, Shameika was able to attain an outstanding score on her state exams. If Ron's belief wasn't so strong in the face of such a tough mother, the result would have been very different. Example 3: One of his students, Tayshawn, got into a fight in class. Ron stopped them, and Tayshawn ran out of class. Ron ran after him and said, "Tayshawn, stop! Look, I know you have two strikes. If you walk out now, they'll expel you for sure. Just get back in there." Tayshawn asked, "Why?" Ron joked, "Because I would miss your glowing personality." Tayshawn rolled his eyes. Ron said, "Mr. Turner (the principal) doesn't have to know anything about this. Just give yourself another chance." Tayshawn decided to go back to class. From this incident, I could really feel that Ron purely wants the best for all his students, no matter if they are well-behaved or the worst behaved. He deeply believes that every person has the potential for greatness, even a gangster with anger problems like Tayshawn. Throughout the whole year, Tayshawn remained the most resistant to Ron's inspirational messages, but Ron never gave up on him. Even on the day of the state exams, Ron sensed that Tayshawn might not show up, so he personally went to Tayshawn's house in the morning. Indeed, his gangster friends were telling him to follow them, but Ron invited Tayshawn to walk to school together and review on the way. (Tayshawn choosing between his gangster friends and Ron Clark) Tayshawn was moved by his teacher's care this whole year, and he decided to abandon his gangster friends and go with Ron, and he indeed passed the state exams. Conclusion No matter who we are or what our situation is, we probably all have goals that we are trying to accomplish, challenges that we're trying to overcome, or relationships that we're trying to improve. The Ron Clark Story is a heartwarming and insightful movie on these fronts, and some key lessons I learned are A meaningful life is about serving the greater good There is no unteachable student, no unchangeable person The success of everything depends on endurance Belief is the mother of possibility If you also watched the movie and have other learnings, I'd love to hear them.

"No person has the power to have everything they want, but it is in their power not to want what they don’t have, and to cheerfully put to good use what they do have." —Seneca Previously, I wrote about moderating our desires in the Self-Control Poem and in Rewiring Our Minds for Happiness. This quote from Seneca really stood out to me because it combines reducing desires with putting to good use what we already have. If we are told only to reduce our desires, it feels restricting and unpleasant. But Seneca is saying what we want may not be necessary because we already have a good alternative to it. If we don't have a alternative and we have no way of getting that thing, surely we can still find good in what we do have. In this post, I want to share a few examples from my own life. Image Source Example 1: New Vest I wanted to get a Uniqlo vest for my mother since she would sometimes wear mine, which is a bit big for her. When we got to the store and I showed her the vest, she said she doesn't want it because she already has a vest. I asked, "But you've worn mine multiple times...I thought you really like this kind of vest?" She said, "Yeah but that's just a few times, and it was mainly out of convenience since your vest was right there, you weren't using it, and mine was all the way upstairs. I already have a good vest, so I don't need a new one." I admired my mom for not wanting something unnecessary and for putting to good use what she already has. Example 2: Closet Reorganization Since I still work from home, I mainly wear comfy clothes when not working. Recently, with the weather change, I reorganized my closet from summer clothes to fall/winter clothes, and I realized I have so many items of great clothing that I basically forgot about because I haven't worn them in so long. I decided that after I get out of bed, I would change into proper clothes even if I'm not working. This decision let me put to good use all those great items of clothing I have, and it's also made me more alert and diligent because the clothing we wear affects our mental state. Example 3: Pull-Up Bar Around a month ago, I wanted to buy one of those at-home pull-up bars that attach to a door frame, but my mother was worried it would damage the door frame and that I would stop using it after a while. She said, "Why don't you just go use the monkey bars at the park first? The weather is still pretty decent." I decided to follow her advice and walk to the park to use the monkey bars for pull-ups. I thought I'd try it for a week and if I really enjoyed doing pull-ups, then I could assure my mom I would use it if I bought it. Interestingly, I started to really enjoy that short walk to and from the park, the fresh air, and the sunlight. I even met some new people and had great conversations. Later, I found a pull-up bar alternative in my very own closet. Even though I found this alternative, I still preferred walking to the park while the weather still permits. If I had bought the pull-up bar right away, I wouldn't have discovered my enjoyment for walking and the existing alternative in my closet. Example 4: Commuting In the past, I used to commute 2-3 hours roundtrip every day for work. Just sitting or standing there on the bus is quite exhausting, and I wasn't making best use of the time. Later, I decided to listen to education podcasts and take notes on my phone while commuting. It made my commutes so much more enjoyable and productive. Later, I had the choice of driving to work, but I actually chose to commute instead because I valued the time to learn while being transported to work. Example 5: Garden Tower My family is pretty big on eating organic and fresh, so we plant a lot of food in the garden. Earlier this year, I proposed getting the Garden Tower, which is basically a big, compact, multi-level container that can fit 50 plants and costs several hundred dollars. Image Source My mother said, "That's a lot of money to spend on something we may not even need. Let's just properly plan out how we can best use our garden space, and if we indeed feel like our space is not enough, maybe we can consider buying it next year." Later, we got a bunch of big buckets, put them on our patio, and planted a lot of extra food that way. We ended up have more food than we could eat in some weeks. Good thing we didn't buy that Garden Tower or else we might have wasted a lot of food and unused buckets! Example 6: Food Waste Did you know that Americans waste 30-40% of their food? That hurts both the wallet and the planet. Food takes up more space in US landfills than anything else! One reason is that we put food in the back of the fridge and forget about it. Then we find it has gone bad later so we throw it out. To overcome this problem, my family always inspects what's in the fridge every weekend and bring to the front what needs to be eaten soon. We also try to buy produce that can be stored for at least a couple weeks, such as cabbage, brussels sprouts, and root vegetables. I use a tool called Save the Food to look up how to properly store food items for maximum storage life. A second factor is restaurants giving more food than we can eat. If we just leave the leftovers on the plate, the restaurant will throw it out. Instead, we can take the leftovers to go and eat them later at home. A third factor is grocery stores only selling what looks nice and throwing away what doesn't look nice or is not so fresh. When I visit the grocery store, I'll look at the section of discounted food, which usually has food that either looks not so nice or that's going to go bad soon, and I'll buy whatever I can eat in the next day or two to prevent that food from being wasted. It's win-win because it helps my wallet and the planet! Conclusion: In our modern materialistically rich world, most of us nowadays have so much stuff, and we aren't putting all that stuff to its best use, which is kind of a shame. I encourage you to think about how you can put to best use what you already have. It's very pleasant to do and reminds us of how fortunate we are!

Commentary First of all, I just have to say, that taxi driver is very admirable, and my virtues are nowhere We can maintain our inner peace through the virtues of humility and gratitude.

from Zhejiang province, is another example [of a person who received good fortune from cultivating virtues

Image Source: Unsplash Once upon a time, three criminals were sent to jail for three years each. The prison guard felt pity for them, so he asked them, “Since you’re going to be here for three years, is there any one thing I can provide you to make your time here better?” The first man asked for cigarettes. The second man asked for a woman. The third man asked for a telephone. The jail guard gave each man what they asked for and then shut their doors. After three years, the prison guard went to open their doors. When the guard opened the door to the first prisoner’s room, the prisoner rushed out saying, “Where’s my lighter? You didn’t give me a lighter!” For those three years, all this prisoner thought about was how he couldn’t smoke his cigarettes. The guard felt sorry for this man’s being a slave to his bad habits. When the guard opened the door to the second prisoner’s room, no one came out, but he heard the sound of crying babies. The prison guard felt ever more pity for this man. Before, he only had himself; but now, he has a family that he cannot take care of, so even more people have to suffer. When the guard opened the door to the third prisoner’s room, the man walked out proudly and said, “Thank you for the phone. I used the phone to keep connected to the outer world. I learned from my wrongdoings, and I will improve. I even made some investments in preparation of my exit.” The guard was very happy for this man.

It's the end of another year! I am busier than usual during this holiday time because I'm taking an online course from China, and they don't celebrate Christmas or January 1, so I actually class on both these days. In fact, I had a big assignment due on December 31. But regardless of how busy we are, we should make time for some year-end reflection! This year, I have four big learnings: Memento Mori / cherish time Overcoming anger Relationship intelligence Decision Making Icon Sources: 1, 2, 3, 4 1: Memento Mori / Cherish Time I am a big fan of Stoicism, and a core idea in Stoicism is Memento Mori, which means "being mindful of death". I even have a Memento Mori necklace. When we remember that we can die at any moment, we wouldn't take our time or loved ones for granted. Instead, we would use our time to do what really matters, and we would let our loved ones know that we love them. At the end of September, my grandmother in China suddenly got injured really badly. She was afraid she might pass away, so she called me and my parents and asked me to come as soon as possible. My parents and I rushed over. Fortunately, she is much better now and is on an improving trend. I ended up spending a couple months with my grandmother, and I really cherished that time with her. I seized opportunities to talk with her, to do stuff with her, or just to sit by her side. As a result, we are much closer, and I have peace of mind knowing that I didn't waste my time with her. Recently, a friend told me his dad suddenly got critically ill. Looking back, he wished he had spent more quality time with his dad. None of us can guarantee that we or our loved ones will still be here tomorrow, so we should express our love frequently, and if we have conflict, we should try to end each day on good terms. This year, I also watched a great movie called Soul, which I wrote about here. Image Source A core message in the movie is to cherish the small things in daily life, whether it's a simple meal, or a soft breeze, or a nice song. Happiness is dependent on our attitude, and when we have an attitude of gratitude, when we cherish every moment, we will naturally be happier. 2: Overcoming Anger As I review my blog topics over this past year, I noticed that I wrote quite a lot on overcoming anger, such as How to not get upset and misunderstandings and criticisms The more you assert you’re right, the more wrong you become Why bad guys get along Getting angry feels terrible afterwards, so I will reflect and maybe write a blog article afterwards. This year, I realized that one of my big anger triggers is being misunderstood and unfairly criticized by my mother specifically. If it's other people, I don't take it too seriously because I don't expect them to understand my situation, nor do I expect them to be humble and careful with their speech. But I think that my mother should understand me, that she should ask me about my situation before criticizing, and that she should know I'm a very logical and careful person. Ancient philosophers all teach us that the root of our suffering is demands towards outside factors, which are uncontrollable by ourselves. I can't control other people, so when I have demands towards how they should think or behave, and then they don't meet my demands, I get upset. In order to let go of this demand, I need to understand the other person, to see that their behavior is actually very reasonable. For example, I noticed that pretty much all parents will misunderstand and criticize their children. My mother is already a lot better than most parents, and I am very grateful for that.  This year, I realized that just because someone is very close to you and knows you very well, it doesn't mean they should not misunderstand you. People are complex, situations are complex, everything is always changing, and communication gets forgotten, so even with people who should know us well, misunderstandings are bound to happen. Now that I realize this, I shouldn't get so upset or surprised when misunderstandings happen, and I should practice responding to misunderstandings in a calm and caring manner. When I think from a parent's perspective, I doubt any parent intentionally wants to make their child feel wrongfully criticized. They're not thinking, "Today, I'm going to jump to a conclusion and take the risk of unfairly criticizing my child! Because…why not?" Usually, what happens is they see our behavior, and then they get worried. If they get too worried, they'll become emotional and irrational, and then start complaining or criticizing. I know firsthand that it's hard to remain rational when we have strong emotions like worry, so I should be more understanding. There's a common saying in Confucianism that goes, "When things don't go according to your wishes, reflect on yourself." In other words, I am responsible for my situation, not other people, so I need to figure out what I did wrong to result in this conflict. There's no way they are 100% at fault. After more reflection on the times I got angry this year, I've noticed two types of situations that lead to me feeling wronged and then angry. The first type is when small worries accumulate in my mother, and I don't notice. At the beginning, my mother doesn't say anything, but she is slightly worried. Once the accumulation reaches a tipping point, she criticizes and complains a lot, and then I feel wronged because it seems to me like her anger came out of nowhere. So the problem is that I am not sensitive enough to her feelings, and I don't think about how she might interpret certain actions or events that I think are fine. Hence, I need to practice thinking from other people's perspective more. The second type of situation is when I make what seems to be a logical decision, but there was an unexpected negative outcome due to factors I didn't know about, and then my mom criticizes my judgment. I feel wronged because I think "You shouldn't blame people for not knowing what they didn't know. I already considered all the factors I knew at the time, what more can I do?" But this is rather immature. Mature people don't argue blame, mature people take responsibility for the situation even if they are not to blame, and they focus on solving the problem rather than arguing who caused or didn't cause the problem. A mature person would also be able to affirm himself rather than seeking affirmation from others. If I were more mature, I would think, "It's OK, I know I made the best decision using what I knew at the time. If others doubt my judgment, that's normal because they can't read my mind, and they don't know my reasons for making that decision. I don't need others' affirmations to have a good conscience." Then I would be able to remain calm, which would influence my mother to calm down too. If I argue blame, I seem emotional, which then makes my mother worry even more about my judgment, so she criticizes more. Therefore, I need to improve my maturity, to take responsibility for things that aren't directly my fault, and to remain calm when facing unexpected problems. 3: Relationship Intelligence Happiness expert Gretchen Rubin said, “Ancient philosophers and contemporary scientists agree that a key—maybe the key—to a happy life is strong relationships.” But oftentimes, relationships are complicated, messy, and troublesome. That's why it's so important that we continuously improve our relationship intelligence. The worst is when we have good intentions, but we end up creating conflict. Isn't that just so unfair? But we shouldn't blame others for not seeing our good intentions, we should blame ourselves for lacking sensitivity and relationship intelligence. We are all human, so we will all make mistakes. The important thing is that we learn and improve from each mistake. This year, I learned that before doing what we think is a favor for someone, we should check if they actually want it. And before asking others to do something that we think is good for them, we should consider their ability and time first. I wrote more about this topic here: Don’t let your good intentions trouble others. Another situation is giving advice. No one is perfect, and when we see other people's problems, we will probably want to advise them. This year, I even had a fellow teacher ask me for advice. Unfortunately, my advice caused some conflict. Later, I learned that when giving advice, it's really important to be humble and not pushy. If we believe that we are definitely right, that they are definitely wrong, then when we give the advice, we will seem arrogant. No one likes an arrogant person, so they might resist our advice not because the advice is bad, but because they don't like our arrogant manner. In order to be more humble when giving advice, we should remember that we can't understand all the minute details of their situation because every person's situation is extremely complex. If we cannot understand all the minute details, then we really can't be so confident that our advice will be very helpful. Moreover, there are plenty of better people out there with better advice than I could give, so I shouldn't feel like my advice is excellent, it's simply the best advice that I can give. I wrote more on this topic here: Don't be so sure of yourself. Some other blog articles from this year related to relationship intelligence include Notice others' good intentions When you don’t get the results you want, reflect on yourself How to trouble others politely The subtle art of gift giving 4: Decision Making Aside from happy relationships, the ability to make good decisions is another extremely important key to a good life. As billionaire investor Ray Dalio said, "The quality of your life ultimately depends on the quality of your decisions." This year, I compiled six principles for making effective decisions, which I wrote about here. Out of these six, the one that I think about the most is this one: "Do not just consider the present action, but also consider its side effects. Do not just consider immediate effects, but also consider the long-term effects. Do not just consider the effects on one person, but also consider the effects on the greater whole." —Liao Fan's Four Lessons Another realization I had is that what might seem like a small decision in the moment can end up having big consequences, so it's important to be cautious and thoughtful even with seemingly small decisions. That means considering side effects, long-term effects, and effects on other people. For example, after arriving at my grandmother's place, I grew some itchy spots on my leg. I think it might be an allergic reaction to food, but I don't know which food, so I need to be very cautious about what I eat. When relatives come over and offer me foods that I usually don't eat, I can feel tempted and even pressured to eat some, but I need to be wise. If I eat them for the sake of being polite, then although I might have created short-term benefit (they are happy I ate it), I might create bigger long-term harm (I grow more itchy spots, I am uncomfortable all day, and my productivity goes down), and it might trouble others (my family members get worried, they have to find medicine for me, and the food giver feels guilty for unintentionally harming me). In the past, I wouldn't even think of these things. I'd probably just eat it…Now that I've learned this principle, I can be much wiser and more thoughtful in decisions. To be clear, this doesn't mean I don't eat any at all. One of my key learnings from 2022 is to follow The Middle Way, which teaches us to avoid extremes and to find the appropriate amount or balance. I can eat a small bit to be polite, and then wait and see if my body has a reaction. If there is a reaction, it won't be too much since I ate such a small amount, and I'll know not to eat it next time. If there isn't a reaction, then I can eat more next time, though I shouldn't increase the dosage too much. Following the Middle Way is another aspect of wisdom. From this example, we can see that even small decisions require deep wisdom. Conclusion My mentor often says, "Are you truly living life, or are you just letting life slip by?" For me, I think one indicator that I am consciously living my life is that I keep learning and improving, and I definitely had that in 2023. On a day to day basis, there's going to be progression and regression, but I hope that my overall change at the end of each year is an improvement. 2024 is a leap year, so let's all leap to new bounds this year! Weekly Wisdom #270

"How am I complicit in creating the conditions I say I don't want?" —Jerry Colonna Image Source: Unsplash Commentary: We can apply this idea to both matters and people. Towards matters, we should look at how we've dedicated our time and energy. For example, I fell off my usual meditation practice this past week. It's easy for me to push the blame on busy-ness, but ultimately it's my responsibility to choose how I prioritize and spend my time, which I didn't do well. Towards people, we need to realize that our actions speak louder than our words. In this short excerpt from Knowing Where to Look, author Light Watkins gives some great examples: We are always teaching others how to treat us. If we are easily reactive, we teach people to sugarcoat the truth. If we routinely gossip about our friends, we teach others to question our loyalty. If we refuse to spread rumors, we teach people to trust that we will stand up for them too... If we consistently over-give, we teach others to take us for granted. If we give thoughtfully and in accordance to need, we teach people to appreciate our efforts... Every interaction is a teachable moment. What lessons will you teach today? Action: If you're unhappy about something or someone, ask yourself, "How am I complicit in creating the conditions I say I don't want?"