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When Duke Jing Wanted to Abolish Propriety
Around 2500 years ago, during the Spring and Autumn period of China's history, Duke Jing was the ruler of the State of Qi, and Yanzi was one of his trusted ministers.
During the early years of Duke Jing's leadership, the Duke hosted a banquet to drink with his ministers. At the feast, the ruler and his ministers toasted one another. As the drinking grew lively, Duke Jing suddenly acted on a whim, waved his hand, and announced to his assembled ministers: "Today, I wish to drink to our hearts' content with all of you, my high officials. Please feel no need to be constrained by etiquette and propriety!" Having said this, he laughed cheerfully.
(Pause: If you were Yanzi, how would you respond?)
Upon hearing these words, Yanzi immediately looked uneasy. He replied to Duke Jing:
"What Your Highness says is incorrect! Ministers naturally wish for their ruler to disregard ceremonial constraints. However, great strength is enough to overpower one's superiors, and great bravery is enough to assassinate a ruler; it is propriety that restrains these behaviors.
Animals rely on their raw physical strength to attack one another, the strong bullying the weak, and the victor becoming king—which is why they constantly change their leaders. Now, if Your Highness wishes for your ministers to disregard propriety, it would make us no different from animals. If humans behave like animals, and ministers rely on their raw strength to attack one another, with the powerful bullying the weak, leaders would constantly be replaced. If that happens, how could Your Highness sit securely on your throne?
The reason humans are nobler than animals is precisely because of propriety. Therefore, the Book of Odes states: 'If a man has no propriety, he may as well die sooner.' From this, we can see that propriety is absolutely indispensable!"
Yanzi’s advice was earnest. However, Duke Jing was deeply immersed in his cup and in high spirits; hearing Yanzi's words only dampened his mood. Therefore, Duke Jing turned a deaf ear to Yanzi's warnings and ignored him, acting as if he had heard nothing at all.
(Pause: If you were Yanzi, what would you do?)
Seeing that Duke Jing did not reply, Yanzi did not force any further explanations, and the ministers continued to drink and make merry. After a while, Duke Jing left his seat to attend to something. When he walked out, Yanzi unexpectedly did not stand up to respectfully see him off. When Duke Jing returned to his seat, Yanzi again did not stand up to welcome him back.
Furthermore, when toasts were exchanged, Yanzi even preempted the ruler by drinking first, as if Duke Jing were not even present. Seeing Yanzi behave so rudely time and time again, Duke Jing could not help but grow annoyed. Finally, unable to bear it any longer, Duke Jing’s expression changed completely.
Clenching his hands tightly, he stared angrily at Yanzi and questioned him: "Just moments ago, sir, you taught me that humans cannot do without propriety in their interactions. Yet, when I left and came back, you did not stand to welcome or see me off, and when toasts were made, you drank before me. Are you acting in accordance with propriety?"
Upon hearing this, Yanzi immediately left his mat, stood up, and performed a deep ceremonial bow to Duke Jing. He replied: "How could I dare forget what I just said to Your Highness? I was merely using my actions to demonstrate what a lack of propriety actually looks like. If Your Highness truly wishes to disregard the constraints of propriety, this is exactly what it results in!"
Only then did Duke Jing understand Yanzi's intent. Filled with deep emotion upon realizing the consequences of abolishing propriety, he said with shame: "Looking at it this way, it is indeed my fault! Please return to your seat, sir. I will follow your advice." After three rounds of wine, Duke Jing brought the banquet to an end in accordance with rules of propriety.
From that time on, Duke Jing focused heavily on reform, strictly enforcing laws and discipline while cultivating propriety and music. Before long, not only were the state affairs brought onto the right track, but the common people also lived and worked in peace, and social order became exceptionally well-regulated.
Commentary
As the saying goes,
"Manners maketh man".
What makes humans different from animals is propriety. Propriety refers to our social rules and customs that show respect and consideration for others. For example, we say "please", "thank you", and "excuse me." We hold the door open for the person behind us. We clean up after our own mess. We try not to disturb or trouble others. These are all matters of propriety.
Propriety emphasizes proper measure. If there are people behind you, you can hold the door open for the person behind you. You don't need to stay by the door and hold it open for the next ten people to show your consideration for others. That would be excessive. But not thinking to hold the door open for the next person would be deficient.
To give another example, although we try our best to not trouble others, if it's a really important and urgent matter, we still have to do it. We just do it as politely as possible. Propriety focuses on having a respectful and considerate intention. How we actually act and handle the situation has no set rule. The so-called "rules" of propriety are for common situations, but there are always exceptions.
In Duke Jing's case, he probably wanted his ministers to relax and feel close to him, which is why announced that everyone can enjoy themselves without worrying about propriety. While it's fine to want the ministers to relax and enjoy themselves more at the banquet, there still needs to be proper measure as to how much people can let loose. Completely disregarding propriety is excessively letting loose.
A certain amount of alcohol can help people relax and serve as a social lubricant. But without constraint, people easily drink too much and lose their sense of caution and rationality. When people get drunk, they might say or do rude and inappropriate things, causing conflict and even disaster. What the Duke said about abolishing propriety is one such example.
Yanzi participated in the banquet and drank alcohol, but he restrained the amount so that he could maintain sober and rationale. When he heard the Duke say such a dangerous statement, he had the courage to speak up and advise the Duke. This is an admirable virtue that we ought to learn from Yanzi.
When the Duke ignored him, Yanzi didn't get angry or continue to advise. That is also propriety. If Yanzi kept lecturing his ruler, it would be as if Yanzi viewed himself above his ruler. That would naturally anger the ruler and spell disaster.
Instead, he used his actions to help the ruler see and understand the severity of his own words. Something very important here is that Yanzi did it consciously and intentionally. Although his actions seemed disrespectful, his intention was actually respectful. He wanted to help the Duke awaken.
When the Duke got angry, Yanzi could explain that this is what the Duke's words would result in. If Yanzi didn't do it, another minister might've done it due to being drunk. If the Duke got angry at that minister, that minister might not have a clear state of mind to respond appropriately. If the Duke then punishes that minister, other ministers would lose trust in the Duke for being hypocritical. Thus, Yanzi saved not only the Duke but also other ministers.
Conclusion
The essence of propriety is respect and consideration for others. Although there are rules to propriety, everything has to have appropriate measure, and there are always exceptions based on the situation. Regardless of who we are, we all need to practice and improve our propriety.
After hearing Yanzi's story, we should also strive to emulate him. When others are about to make a bad decision, we have the courage and consideration to advise them respectfully and tactfully. In daily life, we think not just for ourselves, but for all the people around us.
Weekly Wisdom #415
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