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It's the end of another year! Like many people, I'm doing a year-end reflection. As a learner of ancient philosophies, I'm always trying to improve myself, to live a good life, and to have happiness and peace of mind. This year, I have four major learnings: Selflessness brings true happiness and eliminates suffering. What you focus on, grows. Human nature is inherently good. TCM lifestyle tips.   Image created using Canva 1: Selflessness brings true happiness and eliminates suffering. We all just want to be happy in life. But we need to recognize that true happiness is different from the fleeting pleasure that comes from external stimulation (e.g., food, entertainment, gaming, shopping, etc.). Such pleasures are very short-lived, and while they can be fine in moderation, they can also lead to a slippery slope and create craving afterwards, and craving is a form of suffering. On the other hand, true happiness is long-lasting and nourishing to the mind and spirit.   In the article Cultivate Inner Joy , I wrote about four sources of long-lasting happiness: having good relationships, helping others, having a clear conscience, and seeing our improvement. Practicing selflessness and kindness is related to all of these.   Moreover, all our negative emotions, suffering, and interpersonal conflicts come from an over-focus on I , on what I  want but cannot get, and on my  feelings. The stronger our attachment to I , the greater our suffering. That's why ancient philosophers taught us to dampen our self-centeredness and redirect our focus towards benefiting others. For example, the Buddha said, "View all living beings as myself." Lao Tzu said, "View others' gains as my gains. View others' losses as my losses."   Thus, I chose "selflessness" as my one-word theme for 2024, and I tried to practice Venerable Jing Kong's teaching: "Think of benefiting others with every thought". In my practice, I noticed five major ways to cultivate selflessness: Putting others before me and above me (e.g.,  prioritizing others on my to-do list, following others' wishes rather than fussing over all the small stuff, and giving more to others) Empathy (when we understand others, we won't be upset at them anymore, and we'll know how to help them in a way that resonates with them) Advising others (be more polite towards family members; be willing to go through the hassle of advising others) Etiquette (being more considerate and respectful in the minute details of daily life) Thinking of the bigger picture (thinking long-term and from multiple people's perspectives)   I wrote about these in detail in last week's post, My Year of Practicing Selflessness . Through this year's practice, I now have more peace of mind, more happy relationships (both in terms of quality and quantity), a sense of contentment that I live a moral life, a sense of accomplishment from self-improvement, and a feeling of confidence that I can resolve conflicts positively.   2: What you focus on, grows. This year, some friends talked to me about their relationship problems, and this principle came up over and over again: What you focus on, grows. The energy you give is the energy you attract back . Icon Sources: 1 , 2 , 3  , 4 , 5 Perhaps this sounds obvious, but most people seem oblivious to it. For example, most people don't think their spouse is perfect. Most people have something about their spouse (or family member, friend, colleague, etc.) that they'd like them to change. What method do they use?   They complain or criticize. Then the other person gets defensive and argues back. And then the two people just blame each other for being stubborn and inconsiderate. It's a negative cycle. We don't realize that by complaining and criticizing, we are giving them negative energy, and that negative energy attracts negative energy from the other person in the form of defensiveness and opposition. On the other hand, if we can tolerate people's shortcomings, they won't feel so much pressure around us, as if we're always judging them, and they won't automatically be on guard around us, as if waiting to refute another complaint from us. This kind of relationship lacks trust, and it's very tiring for both people. If we can tolerate others' shortcomings and often look for their good points, and then praise their good points, they will feel comfortable and happy around us, and they'll be motivated to grow those good points. That's a positive cycle.   Another key insight is that we need to cultivate our mind such that when others give us negative energy, we don't unconsciously fall into negativity ourselves and instinctively return negative energy back to them. We have to maintain awareness of our emotional state and consciously choose to return positive energy to them.   For example, when others complain about us or criticize us, rather than complain back that they should first understand our situation, that they got the facts wrong, that they shouldn't exaggerate, etc., we need to first notice our emotional state. Are we in a state of negative energy, such as anger or annoyance? If so, we need to remember that speaking in a state of negative energy will only attract more negative energy from them and ourselves.   Then we need to choose to give positive energy, such as appreciation and humility. Even if we don't feel a lot of positive energy in that moment, we can at least speak what we know a person with positive energy would say, and that will bring out our positive energy. For example, we can say, " I'm sorry for making you upset. That's certainly not my intention, but the result is that you are upset, and I'm sorry for that. I appreciate you trying to communicate with me about this matter, and I want us to both be happy and harmonious. I'm sure we can solve this matter with some communication."   When they receive this caring, humble, and calm energy from us, they will be influenced too. Apology attracts apology, and appreciation attracts appreciation. They might say, "OK, well I appreciate that. Maybe I overreacted a bit." On the other hand, if we had said, "You're overreacting!"  They would definitely argue and say, "No I'm not!"   If we want to resolve conflicts, someone has to become conscious and return negative energy with positive energy. What others do is outside our control, so we have to request ourselves, not others. For more on this topic, check out the article What You Focus On Grows .   3: Human nature is inherently good. Our beliefs about human nature are very important for at least two reasons: for our self-esteem, and for our interpersonal relationships. If we believe human nature is good, then we also believe that we ourselves are good, and we'll have a better sense of self-esteem. We wouldn't think thoughts like, "I'm not like others. I'm terrible. I'm trash." As for relationships, when we believe human nature is good, we'll naturally look for other people's goodness, and as mentioned earlier, what you focus on, grows!   In the sinology program I took this past year, I learned about the ancient Chinese philosopher Mencius and his theory on why human nature is good. I found it to be very insightful, convincing, and useful. I explain his theory in detail in my article Why Human Nature Is Good And Its Significance , but I'll just mention some key points here.   Firstly, Mencius argues that human nature is good in that every person has what he calls "the four sprouts". These are the natural feelings of compassion, of modesty, of right and wrong, and of shame when doing wrong, and they are not obtained from the outside or via thinking. Icon Sources: 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 For example, if we see a young child about to fall into a well, we'd naturally feel a sense of apprehension and want to save that child. That's the natural feeling of compassion. In that split moment, we're not thinking about gaining favor from the child's parents or praise from neighbors. If we didn't even try to save that child, we'd feel haunted by our conscience. If we did save the child and others praised us for it, we would think that our behavior was just the natural and right thing to do; it's nothing to brag about.   Secondly, Mencius explains that people do immoral things because of environmental influences and a lack of moral education, but their four sprouts of goodness will always be there and can be drawn out through virtuous role models and education. So if we want others to be more kind, more humble, or more moral, then we need to set a good example for them. When they see our good role modeling, their sprouts of goodness will grow. But if we are impatient and insensitive towards them, then that's setting a bad role model, and their sprouts of goodness will be suppressed.   Thirdly, these sprouts of goodness are just that: sprouts. They need nurturing to become a strong motive force. We can nurture the four sprouts by paying attention to them, holding onto them in our mind, acting on them, and undergoing moral education. In terms of sequence, we should start by cultivating our sense of love and respect towards the people closest to us first (parents and siblings), then extend outwards towards the rest of the world. This effort is worth it because cultivating goodness gives us peace of mind and an easy conscience. This echoes the first part on selflessness and true happiness.   In summary, everyone has the potential (sprouts) for goodness. The question is whether we nurture those sprouts.   4: TCM Lifestyle Tips One of my highlights of the year was in the summer when I had the opportunity to visit my Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) doctor at her family's Chinese medicine hospital in Inner Mongolia for a week. During that time, I got to shadow her and other doctors, ask lots of questions, and try out all the various Chinese medicine treatments offered at the hospital.   I also interviewed many doctors in different departments at the hospital, and I asked them about the most common problems they see in patients and how we can prevent them. I wrote about their advice in the article Health Advice From Doctors At A Chinese Medicine Hospital , but I'll summarize their advice here: Posture is very important for our neck and back. Practice good posture. After sitting down for a while, get up and do some quick neck and shoulder exercises. Exercise enough. Avoid having AC blow directly onto your skin, especially the neck and upper back. Eat a healthy and balanced diet suitable for your body constitution . Healthy emotions are key to a healthy body. Manage negative emotions, cultivate positive emotions, and nurture good relationships.   Icon Sources: 1  , 2  , 3 , 4 , 5 The TCM textbook I'm reading also emphasizes the impact of emotional health on our physical health, and I wrote about it in my article  TCM: Emotions and Health . TCM explains that anger affects the liver, overstimulation affects the heart, overthinking affects the stomach, sadness affects the lungs, and fear affects the kidneys. The book advises us to nourish our mind by cultivating kindness, having a clear conscience, and reducing desires. Coincidentally (or not), these TCM advice all resonate with what ancient philosophers teach!    After learning these simple tips, I now do some quick neck and shoulder stretches whenever I take a break from working at my desk. Every day, I've also been doing 15 minutes a Chinese exercise called Baduanjin , which is kind of like a Chinese version of yoga, and it involves stretching and deep breathing. Additionally, I do 20 minutes of meditation daily to nurture peaceful emotions.   Conclusion 2024 was a leap year, and I think I managed to leap to a higher level this year. However, there's still a lot of room for improvement, so I need to maintain my momentum and keep up the effort. Onwards and upwards into 2025 we go! Weekly Wisdom #322

This year was a special year for me. Happiness expert Gretchen Rubin suggests people to pick a one-word theme for their year as a way to make that year special and boost happiness. I decided to pick the word “selflessness”. Why did I pick this word? Two reasons: Selflessness brings true happiness. Selflessness eliminates suffering. Reason 1: Selflessness brings true happiness Everyone just wants to be happy in life. But what exactly is "happiness"? Our understanding of "happiness" will affect how we seek it, and it would be a terrible tragedy to seek the wrong thing. Nowadays, many people think happiness is an emotional high or pleasure that comes from external stimulation, such as food, sex, drugs, entertainment, shopping, travel, praise, etc. These are all fleeting pleasures that lead to a feeling of lack and craving afterwards, which is really a form of suffering. True happiness should be long-lasting, and it shouldn't have negative side effects like craving. To give an analogy, these external stimulations are like cheap chocolate, while true happiness is like high-quality chocolate. Once you've had the high quality stuff, you naturally don't desire the cheap quality stuff anymore. This year, I wrote an article titled Cultivate Internal Joy, and it talks about four sources of long-lasting happiness: Good relationships Helping others A clear conscience Self-improvement Icon Sources: 1 ,2 ,3 ,4 Humans are social beings, and for most of us, we have to interact with different people many times in our daily lives. If we have good relationships with those around us, then we would get so many doses of happiness and positive energy in those daily interactions. Helping others and giving more is a key to good relationships, and anyone who's sincerely helped others without wanting anything in return knows that it brings out an inner joy within us. Thirdly, everyone has a moral conscience. To listen to that conscience, and to be able to say confidently that we live morally and we have nothing to hide or nothing to be ashamed of, this gives us peace of mind and self-contentment. Finally, seeing our own improvement also brings out an inner joy. Notice that all these things relate to selflessness. When we are self-centered, we tend to create conflict in relationships, and we are more likely to do immoral things. When we are selfless and focused on benefiting others, we will give others more understanding and kindness, we then gain the joy of helping others, and our conscience will feel nourished and at ease. As for self-improvement, it's very tough to change our bad habits, so we need a lot of motivation. Those who only think about themselves can be motivated to improve themselves, but that motivation would be much stronger if we have a purpose greater than ourselves. Reason 2: Selflessness Eliminates Suffering Think about it: what’s the root cause of our suffering? Many ancient philosophers teach us that the root of our suffering is desire. Indeed, when we want something very badly and cannot obtain it, we suffer negative emotions, such as unhappiness, resentment, anger, sadness, craving, hopelessness, etc. Just to be clear, this doesn’t mean all desire is bad. There are good desires, such as wanting to improve ourselves and to help others. There are also bad desires, such as those that are excessive, unreasonable, or inappropriate, and ancient philosophers teach us to curb such desires. Examples include being greedy to have more of something than what we really need, or demanding others to be different. But even more fundamental than desire is the attachment to “self”. Every single thought we have, everything we do, it’s all for the self. The Buddha taught that there are five mental afflictions or poisons: greediness, anger, delusion, arrogance, and doubt. These afflictions or poisons bring us suffering. Icon Sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 When these afflictions arise, we immediately feel negative emotions, and then if we act on these afflictions, we’ll plant negative karmic seeds and attract negative results. For example, if we indulge in sensory pleasures, we’ll become slaves to desire and hurt our health. If we let our anger loose, we’ll destroy relationships and opportunities. If we act deludedly and irrationally, we’ll definitely bring harm to ourselves. If we act arrogantly, nobody will like us, and they might even want to hurt us. Doubting ourselves makes us feel terrible, and doubting others leads to conflict. What’s the root of these five afflictions? The attachment to I. Greediness is when I really want something. If there is no I, then where is the greediness? Anger arises when I really want something but can’t get it. Delusion comes when I really want something, causing me to lose rationality. Arrogance or ego arises when I desire to be better than others or when I feel hurt or misunderstood. Doubt happens when I doubt myself and others. When there is no I, there is no suffering. Now, you might be thinking, that sounds fine in theory, but it doesn’t sound very practical or realistic. How can anyone possibly not have an I? Indeed, it’s very difficult to let go of this deeply unconscious attachment to the idea of I. But that doesn’t mean it’s impossible. The Buddha and many people in the past have succeeded, and in doing so, they became enlightened. The Buddha gave a method for letting go of I in the Infinite Life Sutra: “View all living beings as myself.” We are always thinking about ourselves, about what we want and don’t want, about how to benefit ourselves and avoid harm for ourselves. This increases our attachment to I. So instead, we replace those thoughts with thoughts of what others want and don’t want, with thoughts of how to benefit others and help them avoid harm. Venerable Master Jing Kong explained: “Think of benefiting others’ with every thought.” This teaching is ingenious. If the Buddha simply told us, “Stop thinking about yourself and what you want or don’t want”, we’d think, “If you tell me to not think about the self, I automatically think of myself.” So the Buddha teaches us to think about others, and in the process of thinking about others, we naturally forget I. This reminds me of a quote by Gandhi: “The best way to find yourself is to lose yourself in the service of others.” The way I interpret it is that we find a sense of fulfillment, contentment, and spiritual happiness when we forget ourselves in the service of others. It’s not just the Buddha and Gandhi that advocate for this idea. The Daoist sage Lao Zi said in the Treatise on Attraction and Response: “View others’ gains as my own gains. View others losses’ as my own losses.” And it’s not just eastern philosophers that have this idea. The Stoic philosopher Marcus Aurelius said: “What injures the hive, injures the bee.” “Meditate often on the interconnectedness and mutual interdependence of all things in the universe.” When I saw all these ancient philosophers advising me to practice selflessness, I decided to give it a try for a month. A month became a few months, and a few months became my one-word theme for the year. When I truly took this teaching to heart, I noticed that a lot of things that made me unhappy in the past would lose their edge (because I focus on others), I avoid creating a lot of negative karma (such as getting into conflicts with others or unintentionally offending others), and I also proactively create a lot more positive karma (by helping others, others naturally want to help me back). Indeed, I feel like my mental afflictions are lighter, and I feel a greater sense of ease, inner peace, and contentment in life, and I sometimes feel happy without needing a particular reason for it. In my practice of selflessness this year, I’ve discovered five major aspects that require effort: Putting others before me and above me Empathy Advising others Etiquette Thinking of the bigger picture Icon Sources: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5 1: Putting others before me and above me To go from thinking of myself with every thought, whether conscious or unconscious, to suddenly thinking about others with every thought is quite a big leap, and it’s not easy. Therefore, I started by simply putting others before myself. Even though I haven’t forgotten the I, I can at least put others above myself. At first, it feels tough, like I’m forcing myself to sacrifice myself for others. But afterwards, I feel like I overcame myself and gained the joy of spiritual growth. It’s like when I don’t feel like going for a run, but after I do it, I feel happy and proud of myself. 1.1: Time Allocation One application of this idea is in how I schedule and spend my time. When I look at my to-do list during the day, or when others ask me to do something, I prioritize others first. Of course, this has to be balanced with reason and wisdom. If others have an important and urgent task, I will communicate about a timeline and confirm exactly how urgent it is. If it is quite urgent, I will prioritize them first. If it’s not that important or urgent, but it’s quick, I can still prioritize them. If it’s not that urgent, and I have other important urgent matters myself, then I’ll do those things first, and I’ll let them know around what time I can do their task. When I have to help multiple people, I need to get the order of priority correctly and let each person know when I will do their task. As long as I order my priorities correctly, then regardless if I could finish everything on my to-do list, I’ll have peace of mind and an easy conscience. For example, this past year, I took some classes in sinology (ancient Chinese philosophy). Most of the classes were taught in Chinese, but there was one class that was all taught in English. My five classmates were from China, so their English wasn’t as good as mine. In that class, I could’ve prioritized myself over them, but since I wanted to practice selflessness, I decided to prioritize them over myself. I would actually help them with their homework first even if it meant lowering the quality of my homework. This is also fine with me because I don’t need a high grade. I was willing to sacrifice my own grade to help my classmates get a higher grade and learn more English. What was the result? When I saw them get a good grade, I was even more happy for them than they were. This is a kind of happiness that money cannot buy. Our relationships also improved, and they were eager to help me in the other courses. Good karma came around fast. Another example is interruptions. I used to get very annoyed when people interrupt me during the middle of my work session. I would tell them that I’ll help them after I finish my task at hand. But this is putting myself above others. When I view others as above me, I then willingly stop what I’m doing, turn around to face them, and give them my full attention. If I judge their request as not urgent, then I’ll respectfully ask if it’s OK that I do it later. The result is still the same: I do their task later. However, I don’t get annoyed at others anymore, and I instead let them feel respected. Sometimes, people don’t necessarily ask me for help, but I notice that they could use some help. For example, one time I was going to my room after lunch for an afternoon nap. But then I noticed a classmate was a bit sad, so I prioritized giving him some active listening and advice first. I ended up not napping that day, but I felt it was worth it because I could help someone in their time of need. 1.2: Following Others’ Wishes and Yielding to Resolve Conflicts Conflicts are a major source of unhappiness and suffering in life. In the past, I used to fear disagreements, and I would get really annoyed and frustrated during conflicts or misunderstandings. After a year of practicing selflessness (as well as the years before of cultivating virtues), I've had noticeable improvement in the face of disagreement and misunderstandings. I certainly still get annoyed, but the degree is much less, and I can extinguish that flame before it becomes big and causes major damage. Disagreements and misunderstandings are inevitable in life, so if we can have confidence in ourselves that we can overcome any conflict in a positive manner, that's a big source of peace and contentment in life. The key is to let go of (at least dampen) what I think and feel, which then allows us to help them feel understood and heard, to be patient with them, and then from that understanding and patience, we can find a solution to the problem. Stoicism teaches that we should focus on what we can control and let go of the rest, and how others' behave is not in our control. So if they are stubborn in their views, I will do my best to advise them with a caring intention in a manner that resonates with them. If they still don't listen, then I have an easy conscience in knowing that I did my best, and only they are responsible for their decision. Perhaps after they've experienced the consequences, they might realize that they should've listened to me, and since I didn't force them or blame them, they'll gain more respect for me and maybe proactively seek my advice next time. But if I force them to listen to me, then they'll be upset at me regardless of the result. If the result is bad, they'll definitely blame me. If the result is good, they'll think, "Yeah but if I didn't listen to you and instead did things my way, the result could be better", and next time they might say, "I already yielded to you last time. It's time you yield to me." Therefore, resolving a conflict by forcing the other person to listen to us is almost always a bad idea. If we really can't find a middle ground, and someone has to yield, then I'm willing to yield because I want to scrape away my attachment to I. The prerequisite though, is that the matter is not a big deal (i.e., not going to cause significant harm), and most of the time, it really isn't a big deal. Although I’m not at the level where there is no I who opposes them, I can at least dampen the I and view others as more important than myself. It’s kind of like if I’m with the president of my country, I would of course yield to the president and not insist that the president yields to me. For example, one of my friend’s girlfriend planned a surprise birthday party for him and invited me. This party was far away and a bit late at night. When I told my mother about it, she didn’t feel comfortable with me going. At first, I was a bit annoyed because I felt like her feelings are a bit unreasonable. After all, my friend’s birthday is just once a year. But I told myself to let go of what I think, and instead put my mom above myself. If she’s not comfortable with me going, then fine, I won’t go. I’ll just send a gift to my friend instead. It’s not that big of a deal. No need to get upset and argue about it. In this way, I prevented an uneasy conscience, addressed my mom's concern, and still attained my goal of doing something for my friend's birthday. Other times, people around me want to do things a different way than I would, and I often think their way is less efficient or unnecessary, or they don't understand that their way is not as good as my way. There are countless little disagreements like this in daily life, and if we fuss about them every time, that would add up to a lot of trouble. Thus, yielding and following others' wishes, especially for these small matters, helps to save us from a lot of unnecessary trouble and scrape away that stubborn habit of self-centeredness. This habit is indeed very deeply ingrained, so perseverance in practice is very important. 1.3 Shared Resources At my school, we have a buffet style cafeteria, where we take food that we want from trays. There are some foods that are more popular than others, so when I see them, I remind myself to take less and leave more for others because others are more important, and I should view others’ gains as my own gains. Sometimes, I might go for seconds. If there’s still more of those delicious food, then I can take a bit more. Usually, that food is already gone, in which case I praise myself for doing my part to make sure everyone got their share of that delicious food. 2: Empathy Empathy is understanding others and seeing things from their perspectives. When we truly understand others, we won’t think they are unreasonable, and we won’t have such strong opposition or conflict with them. We’ll also naturally want to help them and know how to help them. 2.1: Conflicts Putting others first might feel forced sometimes because I think they are being unreasonable. In the previous example of my mom not wanting me to go to that late night party, I felt like I yielded to my mother because I felt her demand was kind of unreasonable. Therefore, I really have to put in effort to think from her perspective and feel that it is understandable and reasonable for her to feel the way she feels. I know on an intellectual level that she dislikes going out, especially when it is dark, cold, and late at night, but I don’t actually understand her feelings. I then tried to put myself in her shoes. If I am a parent, and my child wants to drive to a far-away restaurant on a cold, dark night, how would I feel? Well, if my son were a very responsible person, which I think I am, I probably wouldn’t worry that much and let him go. But can I say that I would have no worries at all? No, I’d probably stay up and wait for my son to come home, and I would feel relieved after he comes home. And why is my son making friends with people who like to party at night? That’s a reason for concern too. And then I have to adjust for the fact that my mother worries a lot easier than me, so if I feel a little bit worried, she’d feel even more worried. From this thought-exercise, I could better understand her, and then I could willingly follow her wishes and view her gain (of peace of mind) as my own. 2.2: Helping Others As mentioned earlier, Venerable Jing Kong said, “Think of benefiting others with every thought.” Well, the prerequisite to benefiting others is to first understand others. Otherwise, we might commit the crime of “loving you without your input”, where we impose onto others what we think is good for them, but they don’t really want it. For example, I wanted to offer my classmates the opportunity to have daily English chats with me. My intention is to help them improve their English, but I don’t know if they really want this, or if they might feel like this is a burden. So when I told them my idea, I made sure to say, “The prerequisite is that you have the interest and the time. If you’re not interested or don’t have the time, then don’t worry about it.” I also asked each classmate individually and paid careful attention to their reaction. After all, sometimes people might feel pressured to say yes; otherwise, they’ll seem unappreciative or lazy to reject such an offer. If I sense any uneasy energy, then I would know to back off and not take up their time. I would also observe their emotions during these English chats to see if they are enjoying and benefiting from them. If not, I would ask how we can make these English chats more useful for them. If I notice they are very busy recently, I would ask if they’d like to postpone the English chat to a later time when they’re less busy. Some classmates told me, “But you’re very busy too. Are you sure you have the time to do this?” I then told them, “It’s OK, it’s a good break for me! Besides, our homeroom teacher told me to help you guys with English, and I want to do my best to fulfill his wish, so you’re helping him and me if you have the time to do English chats.” In this way, they will feel happy to have the English chat and not feel like they’re burdening me. 3: Advising others I’ve noticed that it’s easy to be impatient, impolite, overly direct, and overly demanding towards family members because we’re so close and used to them, and we tend not to advise those we’re less close to in fear of misunderstandings and hassle. Neither of these are considerate or kind. If we are trying to benefit others with every thought, then we’d definitely advise others, and we’d find a suitable method and an appropriate time to do so. We’d also be patient for them to change rather than demanding immediate change. Moreover, everyone needs more encouragement and affirmation nowadays, so when advising others, it’s important to first affirm their goodness, to let them see that we have their best intentions in mind, and to give encouragement. 3.1: Towards family When I’m at home with my mother, we set a meeting time after dinner every day to be open communication time. Thus, even if I see some behavior that I don’t completely agree with during the day, I’ll wait until our after-dinner meeting to bring it up. Otherwise, she might (as anyone would) debate with me out of instinct. But when it’s our set meeting time, we are mentally prepared for mutual advice giving, and we’re not rushed or distracted by other things, so it’s a suitable time to give advice. Moreover, I have to be empathetic and humble. So I first ask her why she behaved that way. Then I affirm her good intentions before sharing my perspective and advice. At the end, I remain humble by saying, “These are just my perspectives, and it’s just for your consideration.” After all, it would be quite rude and inappropriate if I lectured my elders as if I'm above them. 3.2 Towards others At school, I noticed some faults in some classmates. If I weren’t practicing selflessness, I’d probably avoid the hassle of trying to advise them since they are the ones that will suffer from their faults, not me. But since I am practicing seeing others as myself, I decided to spend mental energy and effort to find ways to advise them in a way that they would be comfortable with. For example, I noticed two classmates are often very agitated and easily startled. I talked to our homeroom teacher about it, and he said he’s working on advising them too. To help out, I would look for suitable opportunities to advise them to cultivate serenity (this is also emphasized in our sinology classes). When they speak really fast to me, I might purposely respond in a slow voice and say, “Oh sorry, my mind is a bit slow, so it was a bit hard for me to keep up with your talking speed. Let me check I understood you. Did you say _____?” We have calligraphy class, and one day, I decided to write “serene” using calligraphy on a sticky note and put it on my notebook. I then wrote two more sticky notes and gave it to those classmates as a friendly reminder to practice serenity. They were not offended and could feel my caring but respectful intention. I also did not expect or demand them to change right away, and I didn’t get impatient when they continued being agitated. I know change takes time, and my moral duty is simply to give suitable reminders at appropriate times. There was another classmate who had an unsightly habit of scratching and rubbing her nose very slowly. It is a very awkward topic to bring up, but I thought about the fact that she probably isn’t aware that this habit would cause others to have a negative impression on her, so I still went through the hassle of advising her. I waited weeks for a suitable opportunity. Finally, I ran into her when she was alone in the library, and that morning I noticed her doing it again, so I asked her if I could tell her something. She said OK. And I very politely said, “I think you dress really well, and you’re quite an elegant person. But I noticed you sometimes like to slowly scratch your nose, and it’s kind of surprising to see that from such an elegant person, you know? I just don’t want others to get a negative impression of you because of it. That’s all.” She replied that she indeed has this habit, and that she appreciated my good intentions, and she’ll work on it. 4: Etiquette The spirit of etiquette is consideration and respect for others. It's natural human sentiment to dislike rude people and to like polite people. If we've never learned about etiquette, we might unintentionally do rude things and offend people without even realizing it. I've certainly done that many times, so it's important to learn about etiquette. A great resource is the Guide To A Happy Life, which has many teachings on daily etiquette. Image Source Here are some examples from my practice: When calling others on the phone, first ask them if it’s a convenient time for them to talk. Before speaking to a person, first observe the whole situation and see if they are busy and if the environment is a suitable place to talk. (I’ve made this mistake many times). When others give me a snack, aside from just saying thank-you, it would be even better if I eat a bit right there and then, and then tell them that it tastes good. When walking with elders and we encounter a door, I should rush ahead to open the door for elders. Whether sitting down, getting up, or leaving, let elders go first. When eating, let elders take the first bite. If elders aren’t finished eating yet, I should try not to finish. Otherwise, they’ll feel pressured to hurry up if they see I’m waiting for them to finish before I can leave. If elders are finished before me, I should finish quickly to not keep them waiting. Don’t interrupt others when they are talking. Practice active and patient listening. Don’t forget to return things to the person you borrowed it from in a timely manner. (One time I forgot to ask when I should return it, and then I just forgot to return it, and the owner had to come ask me for it back. Oops.) Don’t speak about other people’s bad points in group settings. (Sometimes I do this unintentionally or accidentally). Don’t show off your good points in front of others. (For example, as the only native English speaker, I usually don’t take initiative to speak English with my classmates. I wait for them to speak English to me first, then I respond in English). Clean up after yourself. For example, wipe the table after eating. Or after using the sink, wipe the counter dry. These are simply some examples that I’ve encountered in my daily life this past year. Everyone’s situation is different, so it’s important that we apply the spirit of etiquette appropriately to our unique situations. 5: Thinking Of The Bigger Picture When it comes to “thinking of benefiting others with every thought”, sometimes it’s just one person, but sometimes many people are involved in a matter, in which case we need to think from the perspectives of all the people implicated. Otherwise, we might accidentally upset and cause trouble to others in the process of trying to be kind to someone else. Image Source 5.1: Social Settings For example, during meal times, my classmates might take initiative to speak English with me because they want to practice their English. But sometimes, there’s an elder at our table who doesn’t know English. In this case, I respond in Chinese to that person to hint that we should be speaking Chinese. Otherwise, we are neglecting the feeling of that elder and making him feel ignored and left out. Our meal tables can seat 6 people. One time, there were 7 of us lined up. The first five people already sat down at a table. I’m the 6th one, so I decided to sit at a new table. This way, the last person would know to sit with me, and there wouldn’t be one person left out to sit at another table by himself. Other times, there might be 6 of us already sitting and eating, and then a 7th person comes late and sits at a table by themselves. In that case, I would take my food over to their table and accompany them. 5.2 Work Settings During meetings, it’s important to think about whether we need each and every person to be present. Sometimes, I have to attend evening meetings, and the meeting might go overtime. When this happens, the leader says, “Sorry, it seems like we’ll need to go overtime. But this matter only concerns these people, so for the other people, if you need to go, feel free to do so.” Another example is when asking a colleague for help, we should ask that colleague’s manager rather than asking that colleague directly; this is showing respect towards the colleague’s manager. But if others directly ask me to do work, I won’t be annoyed and say, “You should ask my manager.” Instead, I’ll politely say, “OK, I will double check with my manager first and then get back to you.” If the next time they still forget to ask my manager, I might say, “I think it should be OK. But let’s go check with my manager first since I have to get his permission anyway.” There was also a time when we were seeing off some teachers and leaders of the school. The top leader was sitting on the left side of the car, so most people were standing on the left side of the car waving to the top leader. Only my mentor went to the right side of the car to wave to the teacher sitting on the right side. When I saw this, I immediately went to the right side. Indeed, we shouldn’t let anyone feel neglected. Conclusion This year has been quite a gratifying year for me because I’ve been working on selflessness and had some noticeable improvement. My mind feels more at ease and contented, my relationships are more harmonious, and I can resolve conflicts easier. But one year is just a starting point, and I still have a lot of room for improvement, so I need to keep persisting in this practice of selflessness. Weekly Wisdom #321

Image Source: ChatGPT Do you know who the most famous person in our country is? Everyone knows him. His surname is Less, his first name is More, and middle name Or. Everyone calls him Mr. More Or Less. You must've met him or heard others talk about him. The name "Mr. More Or Less" is on the tip of  everyone’s tongues every day because he represents our country's people.    Mr. More Or Less looks more or less like you and me. He has a pair of eyes, but they don’t see very clearly. He has two ears, but his hearing isn’t great. He has a nose and a mouth, but he’s not sensitive to smells or tastes. His brain isn’t small, but his memory is fuzzy, and his thinking isn’t sharp.    He often says: "As long as something is more or less right, that’s good enough. Why be so picky?"     When he was young, his mother sent him to buy some sugar, but he came back with salt. His mother scolded him, but he just shook his head and said: "Isn't sugar and salt more or less the same?"     When he was in school, his science teacher told everyone to bring a potato to class for a science experiment. He brought a tomato. The teacher said, "I said bring a potato, not a tomato." He replied, "Potato, tomato they're more or less the same, right?"  He failed that class.   Later, he worked as an accountant for a small shop. He could write and calculate, but he never paid attention to detail. He often misplaced decimals or wrote 1 as 7. The shopkeeper got angry and scolded him frequently. He just smiled and said, "It's just a decimal. Isn't it more or less the same?"   One day, he had an urgent matter and needed to take a train. He strolled leisurely to the station but arrived two minutes late, and the train had already left. He stared at the smoke from the distant train and shook his head, saying, "I’ll just go tomorrow then. Leaving today or tomorrow is more or less the same. But the train company is too rigid. Isn’t 8:30 and 8:32 more or less the same?"  As he spoke, he slowly walked home, wondering why the train wouldn’t wait for him for just two minutes.    One time, he suddenly fell gravely ill and instructed his son, Close Enough, to fetch Dr. Brown from East Street. Shortly after, his son came back and said, "I couldn't find Dr. Brown, but I found Dr. Black from Weast Street. He's not a human doctor, but he's an animal doctor. That's close enough, right?" Lying in bed, Mr. More Or Less knew he had fetched the wrong person. However, in his pain and urgency, he thought to himself, "Dr. Brown and Dr. Black are more or less the same. I'll give him a try."   Dr. Black treated him with the methods used for dogs. Within less than an hour, Mr. More Or Less passed away.   Just before his death, Mr. More Or Less, gasping for breath, stuttered: "Living and dying are more...or less... the same. As long as things are more...or less... good enough... why... why... take things so seriously?"  After saying these philosophical words, he took his last breath.    After his death, everyone praised Mr. More Or Less for being so illuminated and carefree. They said that throughout his life, he refused to be serious, refused to argue, and refused to fuss. Truly, he was a good man. So, they gave him the honorary title of "The Illuminated One".    His reputation spread further and further over time, and countless people followed his example. As a result, everyone became another Mr. More Or Less. And thus, our nation became a nation of lazy people.    (Story Source: Adapted from this story  by Hu Shih).   Commentary This story is, of course, fictional and satirical, but it does bring some thoughtful humor. There's Chinese proverb that says, "Great matters in the world must be achieved through the details." (Original text: 天下大事必作於細.)   If we want to do anything well, we have to take care of the details, and we have to do our best. When we are lazy, sloppy, or perfunctory, not only is that disrespectful towards others, it's also cheating ourselves. As  Steve Prefontaine said, "To give anything less than your best is to sacrifice the gift."   What gift? The gift of your potential, of your time, of your talents, of your life, of your self-worth.   I'm reminded of a story of when Jimmy Carter went for an interview for a naval officer position. He talked about all his qualifications and accomplishments. At the end of the interview, the interviewer looked at him curiously and asked, "But did you always do your best?"   Carter was silent for a while, then he finally said, "No. I guess I didn't always do my best."   The interviewer then asked him, "Why not?"   Carter then got up and left the room. And that question haunted him for the rest of his life.   Indeed, why are we doing things that don't deserve our best? If we have to do these things anyway, why are we bringing a lazy or perfunctory attitude to them? If we choose to do our best, not only will we earn others' respect, we will also gain self-respect.   So let's not be like Mr. More Or Less, and instead emulate Mr. Do Your Best. Weekly Wisdom #320

Last week , we discussed how to help children (or people in general) who are very upset and have conflicts with other people. This week, we'll look at the topic of teenage rebellion. Icon Sources: 1 , 2 , 3 Although the context is parenting, the principles can be extended to any relationship where others oppose us and don't want to listen to us.   One parent asked our class teacher about how to prevent and deal with teenage rebellion. The teacher first asked, "Do you guys agree that teenage rebellion is a normal thing that all teenagers go through?"   So what do you think? Did you or your friends go through a phase of teenage rebellion? Why or why not? The teacher then continued: "I asked my mom before, 'Mom, did I go through a phase of teenage rebellion?' She thought for a while until finally saying, 'No.' If we look back in history, teenage rebellion was never mentioned. Filial piety (respecting and loving parents) was the norm in the past. So clearly, teenage rebellion is not a law of the teenage years. The law of causality states that every result has a cause. A teenager becoming rebellious is a result. What are the causes [reasons]?   No child is born rebelling their parents. A child naturally respects their parents and looks up to their parents. When children are in kindergarten, they always say, "My dad says…My mom says…" This clearly shows their respect and admiration towards parents. If this attitude is maintained until the teenage years, teenage rebellion wouldn't arise.   So why do so many teenagers rebel against parents now? One major possibility is that the parent's behavior has made the child feel wronged, upset, annoyed, or misunderstood, and this negative feeling has been accumulating in the child's heart for a long time. This often happens when the parent is too controlling and demanding, such that if the child voices any objection, the parent just negates them. Although the child didn't rebel in the past, that resentment was always accumulating, until one day, it reaches a tipping point, and rebellion starts happening. As parents, we ought to reflect on whether we've set a good role model for our children and whether if we've made them feel wronged or misunderstood.   Of course, external factors are probably involved too. Perhaps their classmates at school are disrespectful towards parents and teachers, and they subconsciously learn that bad role modelling. Or perhaps they watched movies or read books that teach arrogance and conflict. Thus, as parents, we need to be aware of what our children are learning, and we should proactively teach them morality."   The parent replied, "Yes you're right. I suppose I do force my children to listen to me sometimes, but that's because they don't know what's good for them. If I just let them do whatever they want, isn't that wrong as well?"   The teacher replied, "Thank you for bringing up that question. It's a very valid concern. When we say don't be so controlling or demanding, it's a type of attitude. It's about having the intention to understand and respect others. It does not mean just letting them do whatever they want, especially if what they want to do is bad for them or others. If we have the intention to understand and respect them, we would naturally soften up and patiently communicate with them. We would really try to understand them first, and then patiently communicate our concerns and try to find a solution together rather than forcing them to accept our perspective. We would command less and discuss more."   Commentary Although here, my teacher said that parents need to be more understanding and respectful towards children, that doesn't mean children can demand their parents to be understanding and respectful towards them. We should remember Marcus Aurelius's teaching: "Be tolerant with others and strict with yourself."   We should all be more understanding and respectful towards others, not demand others to be more understanding and respectful towards us (as that will lead to major conflict). If my teacher were talking to children, he would say, "You guys need to be more understanding and appreciative towards your parents."   Effective communication is more about the intention we have and less about the techniques we use. Our intention should be purely to understand them, not to argue with them and tell them why they are wrong. Nor should we view communication as a trade where if we listen for 10 minutes, they should then give us 10 minutes of attention back.   When we understand others, we'll naturally soften up. When others feel understood, they'll naturally soften up too, and the trust between you two will increase. When we have enough trust with them, they will be willing to listen to us.   I remember many years ago, when I had conflict with my mother, I just wanted her to stop misunderstanding me, and she just wanted me to understand her. As a result, our communication always led to more conflict, and we didn't want to communicate anymore.   I then started learning about Confucianism and filial piety , and I decided to let go of my views and just follow my mom's wishes. Although I did it with a bit of unhappiness at first, my mom was quite touched, and she softened up. It's as Mencius said, "One who loves others will constantly be loved by others. One who respects others will constantly be respected by others."   Thus, we shouldn't wait for others to understand us or be good to us first. What others do is outside our control, but what we do is in our control. We need to be proactive rather than reactive. When we take initiative to respect others first, others will eventually respect us back. When we give to others, others will naturally give back to us. The key is in our sincerity and patience.   For more on building trust with others and getting others to do what we ask, check out these articles: How to Change Others The Four Methods of Guidance Four Pieces of Candy   Concluding Thoughts Do others oppose or rebel against me? How might I have contributed to this outcome? Do I command more or discuss more with others? Weekly Wisdom #319

Recently in my Chinese philosophy class, some parents asked questions related to difficult situations with their children. Although I am not a parent myself, I do teach young children, and I certainly encounter similar situations.  Moreover, I know there are many parents out there who might face similar struggles, so I am writing this article to share some wisdom related to educating children.   Icon Sources: 1 , 2 , 3 Even if you are not a parent or do not teach children, you probably have people complain to you about their problems. The principles for helping others resolve their problems are the same, so the content in this article should still be useful for you.   Situation 1: Cheating On A Test A parent asked, “One, my son’s classmate from another class messaged him the test paper for next week. I saw this message on his phone and that he already downloaded this file, meaning he already looked at it. I was worried that my son thinks cheating is fine, but I gave him the benefit of the doubt first and asked him why he looked at that test paper file.   He said to me, ‘Oh I’m just curious what kinds of questions might be on the test. If there are any questions I don’t understand, I can prepare more beforehand.’   I said, ‘OK. But it’s important to know that cheating is wrong.’   The next day in class, that teacher actually showed the students the same test paper and told them to study it for the test next week. The week after, the real test was exactly that test paper. I’m quite baffled at how even the teacher promotes unethical behavior! What can I even do?”   What would you do if you were in that parent’s situation? Of course, there isn’t one correct answer, so I’ll give my thoughts and my teacher’s reply just for consideration. I thought to myself, I would first affirm the child for taking his studies seriously; after all, everyone needs more encouragement nowadays. Then I would talk to him about the importance of ethics and that if we try to obtain results in an unethical way, it would result in a guilty conscience that haunts us in the future. This long-term mental suffering is not worth the short-term material gain.   My teacher replied, “This is a great educational opportunity. You can help your son develop his ethical discernment and ability to think about situations more holistically. For example, you can discuss with him why the teacher might do this kind of unethical behavior. Perhaps it’s because the teacher faces pressure from the school or parents to have students get grades; Otherwise, she’ll receive a bad performance review. You can ask your son, do you think the teacher knows that her behavior is unethical? If yes, then don’t you think this teacher is struggling to get by? The teacher has a tough situation, so we can try to be more understanding towards her rather than judgmental. We can also discuss from the perspective of classmates. If only a few students see the test paper in advance, do you think that’s fair? Do you think other classmates would be upset at you for cheating? If you cheat to get a high grade, can you feel proud of yourself? Is it really worth it then? We also need to show empathy to the kid. We can tell him that we understand his difficulty. If everyone else looks at the test paper and cheats to get a high score, but he doesn’t cheat and then gets a low score, he’ll feel very bad and stupid. We can even say, ‘If I were you, I would want to cheat too.’ When he feels understood, he’ll be more open to our advice. Then we can tell him ‘We have to restrain ourselves from doing what we know is wrong. I know it’s not easy, but I promise you’ll be glad you did it after the test because you’ll have a clear conscience. Unlike the students who cheated, you can look people in the eye and say ‘I’ve never cheated on a test!’ How awesome would that feel? I care much more about your moral character than your grades, and our happiness in life also depends on our character, not our grades. You can do it. I believe I you.’” Situation 2: Conflict With A Classmate Another parent asked, “I recently faced an awkward situation with my son and his classmate. That day, my son’s classmate was sick and missed class. This classmate then messaged my son to ask what the homework was, but my son didn’t reply, so this classmate messaged me to ask my son to reply. I then asked my son about it, and he said, ‘Mom can you just ignore him? He likes to scold me and call me names in class.’   I told him, ‘What are you saying? Your classmate wants to be good and do homework. You should help him!’   My son then started crying. I was quite flustered, so I replied to that classmate and said, ‘Sorry I am very busy tonight. Why don’t you ask another classmate?’   The classmate replied, ‘OK, thank you ma’am.’   I then showed this message to my son and said, ‘OK I told him to find another classmate. But look, he’s a pretty polite boy! Try to be nicer to him.’ My son was quite unhappy still.   What can I do in this situation?”   What would you do if you were in that parent’s situation? I thought to myself, this mother probably needs to give more understanding to her son first before criticizing him and demanding high moral standards from him. Moreover, it’s probably not a good idea to cover up for the son, as that might make the son think as long as he cries, his mother will give him what he wants. Of course, if I had to reply her, I’d be softer in my messaging.   My teacher replied, “This is another great teaching opportunity. As mentioned earlier, we need to teach our children to think from other people’s perspectives, to expand their hearts, to not only think about themselves all the time.   We can help the kid try to see the perspective of that classmate. This classmate often bullies you, yet when he’s sick and missed class, he still came to you for help. How do you think he feels about you? Clearly, he thinks you are a person with a big heart, a person who is willing to forgive him and help him in his time of need. If I were you, I’d feel quite touched by that.   From another perspective, maybe he has no friends at all. Otherwise, why would he ask for help from someone he bullies? Do you think he likes having no friends? He probably wants to be good and have friends, but he can’t control his bad habit of calling other people names, so he's quite miserable deep down inside. When we understand his hardship, we can feel more compassion for him.   Also, we parents need to be more careful of unintended consequences. I know you were probably trying to comfort your son when you showed him the message you gave to that classmate, but what your son might learn is that as long as he cries and shouts, his mother will grant his wish. It’s not wrong to try to comfort our children, but we need to guide them towards proper thinking. If it’s a really tough situation, you can grant your child’s request, but we should say something like, “This time, due to very extenuating circumstances, I will grant your request, but we cannot do this next time.”   You also didn’t need to lie to that classmate. You could’ve said something like, ‘I asked my son, but he is a bit reluctant because he said you bullied him. I know you probably didn’t mean to hurt him, so I will try to talk to him more. But in the meantime, it might be best for you to ask another classmate for help.’   We can also give more encouragement to the child to expand his heart. We might say something like, 'I know it’s very hard to help someone you dislike because he bullied you. But think about it: just because others treat us unkindly, does that mean we should treat them unkindly? What others do is their matter, but what we do is our matter. Our moral character has a huge impact on our life, and a person of high moral character treats all people well. If you can expand your heart and help him, I’ll be very proud of you, and we can celebrate together with your favorite snack and movie.’”   Situation 3: Venting About School Another parent asked, "How can I help my child maintain respect towards a bad teacher? My daughter is in grade 8. Whenever she comes home, she complains about how unreasonable her teacher is. She says the teacher demands them to be in their seats 5 minutes before class starts, and the teacher always ends 5 minutes late. Because this teacher cuts away 10 minutes from their break time, she doesn't even have enough time to use the washroom.   Whenever she comes home, she always vents about this teacher. I told her to not always focus on other people's faults, but I can't say that this teacher is right. I've listened to her vent for hours about this teacher, to the point that I just said, 'Can we take a break from this topic please?'   Moreover, she gives herself so much pressure to get high grades. I've told her before that we don't ask for high grades from her, but that didn't resolve her stress. She is so scared of being at the bottom of her class, but at the same time, she isn't happy when she gets high grades. Instead, she is scared that she can't get as high a grade next time. It seems like nothing I say can help her."   What would you do if you were in that parent’s situation? I thought to myself, wow this daughter vented for hours? That's some serious resentment! And wow, the mother listened for 2 hours? I should praise her for her patience. At the same time, we really shouldn't let the daughter vent for that long. At that point, I feel like the more she complains, the more her resentment grows, so it becomes counter-productive, not to mention anger is harmful for our health. We should try to divert her attention to something else. And then when she's calm, we can guide towards actually solving the problem, like focusing on how we can adapt ourselves to the teacher rather than demanding the teacher to change.   My teacher replied: "The more agitated and emotional the other person is, the more calm and rational we need to be. If we become agitated and emotional along with them, then we'll only worsen the problem. For example, if your daughter comes home and starts venting about how annoying that teacher is, you could give her a smile and say, 'Hey sweetie, I can see you've had a tough day. Why don't you come sit down and relax while I give you a shoulder rub? Do you want some hot chocolate?'   She'll probably be caught off guard by this unexpected kindness, and her negative emotions might reduce a lot, then she'll naturally stop venting so much. After she's calmed down, we can discuss reason with her. We can help her try to see the situation in a different light and understand her teacher's perspective.   I might say, 'Wow, sounds like your teacher has it pretty rough. He tries so hard at his job to make sure his students get good grades, but as a result, his students are all upset at him. What a tragedy!'   Or I might say, 'You know, I'm pretty jealous of you. Your teacher actually cares a lot about your performance, and he's willing to sacrifice his time for you guys by starting class early and ending late. This way, you have a better chance of getting better grades, getting into a better university, finding a good job, and having a brighter future. Your teacher isn't just doing the bare minimum to get by!'   I might also say, 'Yes, school is rough right now. School is rough for most people. But how long will these school years last? You're in grade 8 right now. In less than 10 years, you'll probably be graduated from university. The effort you put in these 10 years will influence the rest of your life. If you live until 70, then these 10 or so years of effort will impact the next 60 years after. So even if it is hard work and tiring right now, isn't it worthwhile?'   Just to be clear, there is no panacea or one-size-fits-all solution. These are just some ideas I thought of. The important thing isn't to learn the content of my answers, but rather the attitude and frame of mind that I have which allows me to come up with these answers. You need to put yourself in your daughter's shoes, put yourself in that teacher's shoes, and then guide your daughter towards effective and positive thinking, and the way you guide her needs to be suitable for her. Don't be overly demanding."   My Experience: Dealing With A Rude Classmate I was able to practice emulating my teacher's spirit recently. I tutor a few students aged 10-12, and one of them is quite rude (let's call him Bob). Another student (let's call her Betty) always gets really upset when Bob calls her names or steps on her shoes or pushes her. Of course, I've told Bob many times to be respectful and to apologize, but it's not easy for him to change his habits. I then decided to also tell Betty to work on herself rather than always demanding others to change.   I had a short talk with Betty, and I first tried to help her feel understood. I said, "I know you must feel very upset and annoyed at Bob for his rude behavior. It's tough, and I want you to know that I really appreciate your good behavior in class." I then tried to help her see the situation in a different light. I said, "Do you have a habit that you find hard to change?" She said, "I guess slouching."   I said, "Yeah, me too. We know we shouldn't slouch, but we just subconsciously keep doing it. Similarly, Bob has a habit of being rude, maybe because growing up, he saw a lot of rude behavior, so he naturally learned it. What's more, he thinks this is normal and fine. I am trying to change his way of thinking as well, but it really takes time to change someone's habit and way of thinking, so I hope you can help me by role modeling respectful behavior for him and being patient towards his change process. That would be a big help to me."   She said, "OK I'll try."   I said, "Thank you! Also, I want you to think about this question: can Bob really make you upset?"   She said, "Yes of course he makes me mad."   I said,  "Are you saying then that Bob is in charge of your feelings? Who should be in charge of our feelings? It should be ourselves, right? We decide how we feel. Not other people. So no matter how other people treat us, we always have the choice to decide how we feel and react. I want you to try it next time. When Bob tries to provoke you, tell yourself, 'I am going to choose to remain calm because I choose my feelings'. If you can do that, I'll give you a point each time [students in my class can trade points for rewards]. Besides, if you get upset, that's probably exactly what Bob finds entertaining. But if you remain calm and respectful, he might get bored of teasing you."   The next week when we had class, Betty told me about all the annoying stuff Bob did this past week, and that she got really angry at him one time, but she managed to control herself and not get angry two times. I told her, "Wow I am so proud of you! Controlling our anger is one of the hardest things, and you managed to do it twice! You totally earned two points."   Conclusion When trying to help others with interpersonal problems, we need to first understand the perspectives of each person involved and realize that everyone is trying their best to do what they think is right. When we see people's positive intentions, or when we understand others' difficulties, we won't be so critical and judgmental towards them. Second, we need to help the complainer calm down and feel understood before we start talking about reason and logic. Third, when we do speak about reason and logic, it needs to be in a way that resonates with them, and the advice we give should make them feel like it's achievable. Weekly Wisdom #318

Welcome to this article series on Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM). The aim of this series is to provide you with foundational and practical knowledge of TCM that you can use to improve your own health at home in daily life. The recommendations in this series are simple, accessible, and mostly free. After all, good health should be something that is accessible to everyone!   Here is a clickable table of contents for this series: Introduction and Foundation The Five Elements Profiles Food and Cooking The Five Major Organs The Nine Body Constitutions   The Body Clock Common Treatments from a Practitioner My Experience with TCM Health Advice From Doctors At A Chinese Medicine Hospital Sleep Tips from Traditional Chinese Medicine Emotions and Health   This article is Part 10: Sleep Tips from TCM. I'm currently reading a book called 中医养生学, which in English means "the study of health maintenance in Chinese Medicine". The book talks about many topics such as emotions, food, exercise, sleep, living environment, and lots more. I recently finished reading the chapter on sleep, and there are lots of basic knowledge that I think we should all know, but many of us might not know. I personally don't have sleep problems, but I know many people do nowadays, so I'll share my learnings in this article. I also previously wrote an article on sleep from a western medicine perspective, but this article offers different insights from a Chinese medicine perspective. I think both perspectives are valid and can be used to complement each other. Without further ado, let's get into it! 1: What is high quality sleep? There's still a lot of debate about what makes high-quality sleep, but in general, we can use these criteria: Enters sleep within 15 minutes. Wakes up at night less than 2 times to use the washroom. Deep sleep; not easy to be woken up. No sleep talking, sleep walking, snoring, or teeth grinding. Feels refreshed after waking up; not groggy or still tired. 2: What makes a good sleep environment? A good sleep environment should be quiet and peaceful. A noisy environment can make it hard to fall asleep or wake us up in the middle of the night. We should take care to circulate fresh air every day. For example, we can open the windows for a set amount of time every day. The bed should be a suitable size, big enough for us to turn and lie on either side. The bedroom should be neat and organized, which helps us to keep a calm and peaceful mind. It shouldn't be too cramped nor too spacious. It should feel comfortable. 3: What can we do before sleep to aid sleep? Image Sources: 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 3.1: Calm The Mind Before sleep, it is best to do some calming and relaxing activities to enter a peaceful state of mind. For example, we can do meditation , such as taking deep breaths and focusing on our breathing while lying in bed. Or we can visualize being in a peaceful environment, such as lying on a beach and listening to the waves. As our mind calms down, our self-awareness gradually reduces, and we will enter sleep. (Comment: Another useful visualization method I heard is to visualize your entire body becoming relaxed, part by part, from top to bottom, starting from the top of your head, to the forehead, the eyebrows, the cheeks, the chin, the neck, the shoulders, etc. If we relax the whole body and we're still not asleep, we can do the whole process again.) 3.2: Soak Feet A common Chinese tradition is to soak our feet in warm water at night before sleep. This helps to promote blood circulation and Qi circulation. The water temperature should be 40 to 45 degrees Celsius (104 to 113 degrees Fahrenheit), and the water should be high enough to cover the ankles. While soaking, we can rub our feet together, or use our hands to massage our feet. About 30 minutes is enough. 3.3: Massage After soaking our feet, we should dry our feet with a towel, then we can sit on the bed and massage the Yongquan acupoint located on the bottom of our feet (see picture below). This point helps with blood circulation, reduces tiredness, and improves sleep quality. Massage each foot’s Yongquan acupoint 36 times (36 circles or presses); repeat 2 to 3 times. Note: This book didn't mention other acupoints, but there lots of acupoints that aid sleep, such as Yin Tang: Helps to calm the mind. Also helps with headaches and dizziness. An Mian: Helps to calm the mind and fall asleep. Tai Chong: Helps to relieve stress, anger, and agitation. Shen Men: Helps to calm the mind and ease all emotions. Nei Guan: Helps to calm the mind and relaxes the chest. Yong Quan: Helps a scattered mind to feel grounded. Image Sources: 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 You can use your thumb or fingers to massage it clockwise 30 times and then counter-clockwise 30 times, or do it for a few minutes on each point. If a certain point hurts, it means there's a qi (energy) obstruction there. In that case, just apply however much pressure you can tolerate, and over time, the pain will reduce as the blockage reduces. Massaging acupoints might not show immediate effects on the first night. Usually after a week or two, painful acupoints will hurt less, which means that the qi is flowing better there, and then you should notice some results. 3.4: Maintain Hygiene Also, we should maintain good hygiene by brushing our teeth and, if needed, taking a shower. If we shower, make sure the water is not cold or too hot. Warm water is ideal. 4: What should we NOT do before sleep? Having excessive emotions, especially anger and worry, before sleep. Eating shortly before sleep, especially highly stimulating foods like coffee, tea, chocolate, alcohol, and greasy foods. Drinking (a lot of) water before sleep. Talk while lying in bed (because it makes us excited, and our lungs should rest while we are lying down). Having a very hot or very cold shower before sleep (use warm water). Doing heavy exercise. Mild exercise, such as walking indoors, is OK. 5. What should we avoid during sleep? Facing light while sleeping (Western medicine also agrees that the body rests better in pure darkness). Opening mouth while sleeping (easy for dust and cold air to enter). Covering one’s face while sleeping (impairs breathing). Having wind blowing on the body when sleeping (easy to catch a cold this way). Conclusion We spend around a third of our lives sleeping, and sleep is extremely important for our health. Unfortunately, many of us were never taught how to get high quality sleep in school, so it's up to ourselves to do the research. Western medicine provided me with lots of great advice already, but I got an even more comprehensive understanding after learning the Chinese medicine perspective. Most of the advice is similar, but each has their own uniqueness. Hopefully, you got something useful for your sleep as well. Weekly Wisdom #263

Welcome to this article series on Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM). The aim of this series is to provide you with foundational and practical knowledge of TCM that you can use to improve your own health at home in daily life. The recommendations in this series are simple, accessible, and mostly free. After all, good health should be something that is accessible to everyone! Here is a clickable table of contents for this series: Introduction and Foundation The Five Elements Profiles Food and Cooking The Five Major Organs The Nine Body Constitutions The Body Clock Common Treatments from a Practitioner My Experience with TCM Health Advice From Doctors At A Chinese Medicine Hospital Sleep Tips from Traditional Chinese Medicine Emotions and Health This article is Part 8: My Experience with TCM. Having just written a whole series of articles on Traditional Chinese Medicine, it’s only fitting that I also share my experience with it. After all, I need to practice what I preach! In this article, I’ll talk about my health journey, which includes Early experiences with health First encounter with Chinese Medicine Experience with Western Medicine Experience with Holistic Medicine Experience with Chinese Medicine Right Image Source Early Experiences with Health Despite my Chinese heritage, I grew up in Canada, so I was very unfamiliar with Chinese medicine until this year. I remember in high school, I was very into science. One windy autumn day, my mother told me it’s important to keep warm and avoid the wind hitting my skin during autumn because that could make you catch a cold. At that time, I remember thinking, “ What is this nonsense? Colds come from the cold virus. It doesn’t come from wind. ” (Now that I’ve learned more about Chinese medicine, I realize that cold viruses often travel through air, and when Chinese medicine refers to the term “wind”, it includes pathogens in the wind. ) During the later years of when I was in university, my mother had some serious skin problems, and she first went to a Chinese medicine doctor, who gave her some herbal formula that cost over $1000 for a year’s supply. She let me try some, and the taste was really bad. But she forced herself to eat it every day. It didn't seem to help. Then I took her to see a western medicine doctor, who gave her some steroid creams that only suppressed the symptoms, and as soon as she stopped using them, the skin problem came back even worse. The doctor said she would need to use the cream for the rest of her life. She didn’t trust those cream treatments so she stopped using them and suffered the pain instead. First Encounter with Chinese Medicine Soon after, she discovered a type of medicine system called Original Point Therapy , and one of her friends took her to a community group that practiced it together. Original Point Therapy is about eating warm-natured foods like ginger, massaging acupoints, and then applying heat on acupoints. Image Source Back then, I didn’t know anything about Chinese medicine, but I was willing to do whatever could possibly help my mom, so I helped to massage the acupoints that my mom told me to massage. Those points were very painful for her. She also did some massaging on me, and I remember some points were really painful too. Then we applied some microwavable heat bags on those points. She also started drinking lots of concentrated ginger tea. These treatments were actually working for her, so I was quite intrigued by it. My Experience with Western Medicine After graduating university, I started developing itchiness around my mouth area. I went to see the doctor, and she gave me some steroid creams. Image Source Since my skin condition was pretty light at that time, I just kept using it. But the condition never seemed to go away. In fact, it was starting to get worse every time I stopped using the cream. I then remembered what my mother went through, and I realized this cream was just suppressing the symptoms without solving the root problem, and the root problem must be accumulating more and more inside my body. I went to the doctor again, who told me it’s probably some allergy, so I took an allergy test. The test results said I might be a little allergic to soy and dust. It didn’t say I’m full out allergic to soy, and I’ve been eating soy all my life so it doesn’t make any sense that suddenly I’ve become allergic to soy. And dust is kind of unavoidable. To me, the cause was just unknown. As the months went by, the skin problem spread and got more painful. My Experience with Holistic Medicine I started to do a lot of research on my own, and I discovered Medical Medium and his book Liver Rescue . Image Source The book's cover literally says "Answers to eczema, psoriasis..." so I was pretty hopeful. In the book, Anthony William explains that the true cause of these so-called “autoimmune” skin disorders such as eczema and psoriasis is due to viruses living in the liver. These viruses feed off of things like eggs, dairy, and gluten, and then they release toxic waste. When the liver is overburdened, that toxic waste overflows into the blood and goes to the skin, which results in autoimmune skin conditions. It’s not the body attacking itself; the body would never attack itself. He explained that steroid creams don’t solve the root problem; instead, we need to stop eating the foods that feed the viruses and start eating foods that kill off the viruses. At this point, I was in a lot of pain, conventional western medicine had failed me, and what he said made a lot of sense. The book gave highly specific information about what foods help which illnesses and gave really detailed explanations for why. It just can’t be something someone makes up randomly. So I gave his advice a try. It involved cutting out eggs and dairy, which meant no more cakes, milk tea, ice cream, pizzas, etc. But I was in so much pain and discomfort that I cared more about getting healthy than enjoying those foods which I knew were unhealthy anyway. It also involved drinking celery juice, lemon water, and a heavy-metal detox smoothie every day, as well as eating foods like brussels sprouts, asparagus, potatoes, sweet potatoes, and many fruits. He also said that eating most vegetables raw is better, so I often ate the vegetables and fruit raw. Within a couple weeks, I actually got better, and I was super grateful! But then after a while, my digestion became bad. I often had loose stools. It wasn’t causing me any pain or discomfort throughout the day, but I just thought it was really strange that my poop was not good given how healthy my diet is. My Experience with Chinese Medicine At the beginning of 2021, I taught a high school healthcare course, and one of the units was comparing western medicine to eastern medicine. Hence, I did some research into Ayurveda (Traditional Indian Medicine) and Traditional Chinese Medicine. Throughout this course, I realized how deeply western medicine has become business-focused as opposed to truly focused on people’s health. I also learned how doctors in ancient China were volunteers. They were 100% focused on people’s health, not on making money. Furthermore, both Chinese and Indian medicine are over 2500 years old, while western medicine is only 300 years old. To top it all off, Chinese and Indian medicine have so many similarities despite being invented separately. All of these factors really inspired me to learn more into eastern medicine. Image Source I decided I would start with learning Chinese Medicine and write a series of lessons for the next time I teach the healthcare course. As I started learning more about Chinese Medicine, I started to understand so many things about my health that I didn’t know before. For example, why do I get angry and irritated so easily when I wasn’t like that before? Part of the reason is because my liver got hurt, which I knew from Medical Medium. Another example is why I was having loose stools; it’s because of all the raw vegetables and fruits I was eating. Sure, in the past, my digestion was strong, but over time, it has weakened from all that constant raw produce. Even though raw vegetables have more nutrients, if my digestive system isn’t strong enough to handle it, it’s still harmful. I learned that my constitution is damp phlegm, and I heard from a TCM doctor that it takes a long time to rebalance this constitution because it takes many years of bad diet and lifestyle to develop such a condition. I reflected on all those years of unhealthy fried fatty foods in the past, and then my period of so many raw and cold foods, and I realized that my body must have reached a tipping point. I really appreciated the TCM doctor’s honesty. In Western medicine, it’s all about solving your problems as fast as possible. This TCM doctor is honest about my problem and is obviously focused on the root cause. I stopped eating raw foods and started cooking my foods thoroughly. I also added more warm-natured foods into my diet. Before learning about TCM, I just thought of vegetables as vegetables. But now I know to add more warm natured vegetables like fennel and ginger when cooking cold natured foods (which are most vegetables). One thing I was confused about was why I was having rashes, which TCM classifies as too much heat, when my constitution is damp phlegm, not damp heat. Then I learned that we get heat not just from foods, but also from stress! Upon reflection, I went through a very stressful period leading up to when my skin problems began. And after I started taking better care of my mental health through meditation, my skin condition also got better. The other thing that really made me believe in TCM is acupoints. I learned about which acupoints would be good for my constitution, and indeed, most of those points really hurt on me! I then tried some acupoints for problems that I didn’t have, and indeed they didn’t hurt. My mother has shortness of breath sometimes, so I tried some lung acupoints on her and they really hurt on her. But when I tried it on myself, they didn’t hurt because I don’t have lung problems. I was absolutely astonished. At first, massaging the acupoints really hurt. But kind of in a good way. I kept massaging them for about 15 to 30 minutes a day (the massage time got longer as I discovered more acupoints with pain), and after a week, many of those acupoints didn’t hurt much anymore. My stools got better, and even some rashes on my body got better. The teeth marks on my tongue (which indicate dampness) also decreased. Clearly, the changes I made were helping my body! I spent around a month researching and testing many different acupoints on myself. Most of them no longer hurt after about a week of massaging. I also do some leg stretches because the meridians for the stomach, spleen, and liver run along the legs, and stretching them helps the qi flow. That’s another piece of mind-blowing information. I always thought stretching was just for flexibility, but it also helps with qi flow! After I published this series of blog posts, I continued to do acupoint massage for myself and my mother every day (still to this day). Later, I had the good fortune of meeting Dr. Kun Liu , who gave me professional guidance with regards to diet, acupoint massage, cupping, and moxibustion. Both my mother and I feel the healthiest that we've been, and all we did was adjust our lifestyle. I’m amazed at how the TCM treatments I’ve used are free, convenient, and not time consuming, and that’s why I just had to write this article series to share this information with the world. This is the final article in this series on Traditional Chinese Medicine. I hope you feel more empowered to take control of your health in simple and convenient ways. Special thanks to all the TCM doctors who shared their knowledge on their websites, podcasts, and videos. We are so fortunate to receive the ancient health wisdom that has been passed down for thousands of years! Lastly, thank you for reading! If you've read all the articles and tried TCM on yourself, then you are a super star! Wishing you lots of health, peace, and love!

Welcome to this article series on Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM). The aim of this series is to provide you with foundational and practical knowledge of TCM that you can use to improve your own health at home in daily life. The recommendations in this series are simple, accessible, and mostly free. After all, good health should be something that is accessible to everyone! Here is a clickable table of contents for this series: Introduction and Foundation The Five Elements Profiles Food and Cooking The Five Major Organs The Nine Body Constitutions The Body Clock Common Treatments from a Practitioner My Experience with TCM Health Advice From Doctors At A Chinese Medicine Hospital Sleep Tips from Traditional Chinese Medicine Emotions and Health This article is Part 7: Common Treatments from a Practitioner In this series of articles on TCM, we’ve looked at how you can improve and maintain your health at home without spending any extra money through making better food choices and massaging acupoints. But there are times when people want to get help from an actual TCM doctor. You might be wondering what that experience will be like, and what treatments the TCM doctor might prescribe. This article will answer those questions. Image Source When TCM doctors do consultations with patients, they will typically inspect the tongue and pulse, which was mentioned in the article on the nine constitutions. They would also ask you about bowel movements and waste elimination menstruation for women emotional state what foods you’ve been eating any other symptoms such as headaches, itchy skin, nausea, etc. They want to get a whole picture understanding of your health. After that, they can try to pinpoint the root cause of your ill symptoms. Then based on that root cause, they will prescribe treatments such as Acupuncture Tui Na Massage Moxibustion Cupping Gua Sha Herba l Medicine Food Therapy Meditative Exercise (Qi Gong and Tai Chi) Next, let’s look at each treatment in more detail. Special thanks to TCM doctor Jason Chong for his detailed explanations on these treatments. 1: Acupuncture Image Source Acupuncture is very well-known in the world now. It is when the doctor inserts acupuncture needles into specific acupoints to make Qi and Blood flow more freely. The needles are usually as thin as hair, so they don’t hurt unless that acupoint has a problem; the pain indicates a blockage. But usually, inserting the needles will feel like a temporary “mosquito bite” prick that goes away quickly. The stimulation from the needles tell the body to focus its attention there for healing. Some people feel energized from the treatment, while others feel relaxed. Acupuncture helps to restore health in the body, reduce pain, and relax the nervous system. Here is a short video on acupuncture: 2: Tui Na Massage Image Source Tui Na massage is very similar to acupuncture, except instead of using needles, it’s massaging the acupoints. The previous articles talked about massing acupoints at home; that’s basically doing Tui Na on yourself. Getting Tui Na from a practitioner also means you get energy from that practitioner; this is really helpful for people who are already very weak. Tui Na is also helpful for muscle tension and soreness. Here is a short video on Tui Na Massage: 3: Moxibustion Image Source Moxibustion is a form of infrared heat therapy applied onto acupoints by applying a burning herb called mugwart, which is usually rolled into small cylinders. Burning these mugwart cylinders sends pinpointed heat to an acupoint. Most people know about saunas which are another form of infrared heat therapy that is great for detox and stimulating energy movement. Moxibustion is similar. Moxibustion is often used in conjunction with acupuncture since the heat provides extra stimulation to the acupoint. It is warming and promotes Qi and Blood circulation and strengthens immunity. At home, you can use microwavable heat bags and apply them onto acupoints. This is especially useful after massaging those acupoints yourself, but you can apply heat bags even if you didn’t massage the points. Here is a short video explaining moxibustion: 4: Cupping Image Source Cupping is when the practitioner takes a cup and then lights a fire in the cup to burn away the oxygen, which creates a vacuum. Then the practitioner puts the cup on your body, and the vacuum draws your skin up into the cup. You can think of it as the opposite of a massage. A massage uses a pushing action, while Cupping uses a pulling action. This helps to draw out toxins deep in the muscle. It also improves Blood blow. It is also not painful and is actually quite relaxing. Cupping is really great for muscle soreness, which is why lots of athletes use it. It also helps with Blood stagnation, dampness, and cold/flu symptoms. Cupping leaves red marks, which may look scary, but they usually go away within a week. Since many athletes and celebrities have shown off their Cupping marks, more people are embracing Cupping. Image Source Light pink marks indicate healthy circulation, dark red marks indicate moderate stagnation, dark purple marks indicate severe stagnation, and pale purple marks indicate Qi and Blood deficiencies. Here is a short video explaining Cupping: 5: Gua Sha Image Source Gua Sha is a massage that involves applying herbal oil over the skin and then scraping it with a Gua Sha tool such as a spoon or coin. This scraping provides a deep stretch and release of the body there, which improves Blood circulation, as well as flush away toxins that were stuck deep within the muscles. The scraping does leave red marks similar to Cupping, and depending on your body’s condition, the marks will look different. It’s very relaxing, and the marks usually go away within a week. Here’s a short video explaining Gua Sha: 6: Herbal Medicine Image Source Chinese herbal medicine uses naturally occurring substances such as barks, seeds, fruits, flowers, roots, and leaves. Some common examples include cinnamon, ginger, ginseng, liquorice, goji berries, and chrysanthemum. The purpose of herbal medicine is to replenish nutrition, enhance digestion, and restore proper functioning of organs. A TCM doctor can create a specific combination of herbs with a specific dosage for your specific condition. While you can buy herbs over the counter in a Chinese medicine shop, it’s best to consult a TCM doctor first. Herbs are usually used in combination with other treatments that stimulate acupoints. Those treatments tell the body where to focus its energy, while the herbs provide the necessary energy and fuel to help the body heal. 7: Food Therapy Image Source The TCM doctor would also give advice related to diet, which was covered in detail in article 3 . That includes advice about food energies, flavors, and foods to avoid. 8: Qi Gong and Tai Chi The TCM doctor might also prescribe some exercises to help your body with Qi circulation and Blood circulation. Exercise also has great benefits for our emotions and mental health too. You can think of Qi Gong like the Chinese version of yoga. Fun fact: one of the benefits of stretching exercises like yoga and Qi gong is that it stretches your meridians, which improves Qi flow! Qi Gong involves doing breathing exercises, maintaining poses, and repeating movements. Qi Gong is practiced to improve health and spirituality. Image Source Tai Chi is the martial arts version of Qi Gong. It is a meditative form of martial arts that nurtures a peaceful mind, a strong body, and a spiritual connection to nature. Image Source Qi Gong is simpler to learn, just like how yoga is simpler to learn than martial arts, so your doctor might teach you some Qi Gong poses. Conclusion TCM doctors have many forms of treatments to help patients balance their problems. This article talked about eight main treatments: Acupuncture Tui Na Massage Moxibustion Cupping Gua Sha Herbal Medicine Food Therapy Meditative Exercise (Qi Gong and Tai Chi) Many of these treatments help to unblock Qi via acupoints, such as acupuncture, Tui Na, and moxibustion. Cupping and Gua Sha help to remove toxins and stagnation in the muscle tissue. Herbs and diet therapy provide the energy and nutrients needed for the body to heal its acupoints. Exercises like Qi Gong and Tai Chi help to strengthen Qi and Blood circulation, as well as cultivate peaceful emotions, which are key to health. The next and final article will talk about my own experiences with TCM.

Welcome to this article series on Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM). The aim of this series is to provide you with foundational and practical knowledge of TCM that you can use to improve your own health at home in daily life. The recommendations in this series are simple, accessible, and mostly free. After all, good health should be something that is accessible to everyone! Here is a clickable table of contents for this series: Introduction and Foundation The Five Elements Profiles Food and Cooking The Five Major Organs The Nine Body Constitutions The Body Clock Common Treatments from a Practitioner My Experience with TCM Health Advice From Doctors At A Chinese Medicine Hospital Sleep Tips from Traditional Chinese Medicine Emotions and Health This article is Part 5: Nine Body Compositions. --- Previously in article 2, we looked at how everyone is born with an elemental profile. Then in article 3 and 4, we looked at how to balance our element to maintain health via lifestyle, food, and acupoints. This article builds on the previous ones by talking about common patterns of illness based on people’s body constitution. In TCM, everyone has a body composition. Your elemental profile contributes to your constitution, but your constitution can change over time due to many factors. For example, even if you’re born with the fire element profile, which has lots of Yang, you could still become Yang deficient due to lifestyle choices, such as eating too many cold-natured foods long-term. Knowing your body constitution is important because Chinese medicine advice is highly tailored to your constitution. TCM wouldn’t say one particular herb or food is good for everyone. It always depends on your body’s qualities and if it matches the food’s qualities. That’s why your friend might do great on a raw foods diet while you get digestive problems on it; your constitutions are different. Or your friend drinks lots of coffee with no problem, while you get all jittery. It all comes down to your body’s constitution. According to TCM, there are nine major body constitutions: Neutral (Well-Balanced) Qi Deficient Yang Deficient Yin Deficient Damp Phlegm Damp Heat Blood Stagnation Qi Stagnation Special Constitution Image Source Our constitution is affected by things such as Age : our body changes as we age Gender : men tend to have more Qi , while women tend to have more Blood Mental state and emotions : Our emotions affect our organs, which then affect the body constitution; healthy emotions bring us to balance, while unhealthy emotions create problems Living environment : Different geographic areas have different climates, diet, and living habits In reality, people are usually a mix of more than one composition, but usually we have one dominant composition. Common combinations include Yin-deficiency and damp-heat, Qi deficiency and dampness, and Qi stagnation and Blood stagnation. Also remember that your composition can change due to factors such as living environment, mental state, diet, daily activities, and disease. It’s important to manage these factors to bring our constitution closer to balance. You can find out your body constitution by comparing your situation to the nine situations below, or by doing an online quiz such as this one (let me know in the comments if the link no longer works. Sometimes links expire.) Then we’ll talk about how to balance that constitution via food, lifestyle, and acupoints. For a quick review, here’s the chart on TCM foods: And here’s the chart on the five major TCM organs: If you need to review TCM foundational knowledge, go read the articles on food and acupoints again. For this article, I consulted Yin Yang House for some helpful acupoints for each constitution, but these are by no means an exhaustive list, and a TCM doctor can determine which acupoints are most important for your current situation. If you know your constitution, you can try massaging the acupoints related to balancing your constitution and see if it helps. It's free and convenient to do at home, but you should persist for at least a couple weeks to see results. You can simply Google the name of those acupoints, which are provided in this article, to find out their locations. Constitution 1: Neutral (Well-Balanced) Body : A neutral or well-balanced constitution is the ideal constitution and very rare in society. This type of body typically has good skin complexion, good appetite, and normal bowel movements. The person feels energetic, sleeps well, and is able to adapt to different environments. From the picture, we can see the person looks very healthy. Personality : The person is usually emotionally stable and has a happy outlook on life. Balancing Diet : This person is already doing a great job. Lifestyle Tips : After meals, take a short walk; do exercises suitable for your age; maintain a positive attitude Constitution 2: Qi Deficient Body : Qi deficient people would have shortness of breath, have a weak voice, feel tired easily, sweat randomly, and easily catch colds and flus. They might also have a poor appetite, loose stools, and a pale face. Their tongue would be pale, and their pulse would be empty. From the picture, we can see the person looks weak and tired. Personality : The person is likely timid and introverted. Contributing Factors : A person can become Qi deficient due to factors such as poor diet, over work, stress, and old age. Balancing Diet : This person should eat foods that nourish the digestive organs (Spleen and Stomach) because they create Qi. That means eating foods in the sweet category (but not in excess, as excess also hurts the Spleen), which would be mainly grains, hearty vegetables, and some fruits. When it comes to fruits and vegetables, it’s important to eat them cooked and warm to prevent further hurting the digestive organs. Lifestyle Tips : Get adequate sleep, keep warm at all times, do mild exercises regularly, and avoid windy areas and strenuous exercises. Balancing Acupoints : ST 36: Zu San Li (足三里) SP 6: San Yin Jiao (三阴交) KD 3: Tai Xi (太溪) LU 9: Tai Yuan (太渊) Constitution 3: Yang Deficient (too much Yin) Body : A Yang deficient person would feel cold in the hands and feet, dislike cold weather and wind, and easily catch colds and flus. This person may have poor sleep, loose stools, spontaneous sweating, and excess clear urine. The tongue would be pale with a white coating on top, and the pulse would be slow, deep, and weak. From the picture, we can see the person is very cold and shivering. Personality : This person is likely quiet and introverted. Contributing Factors : A person can become Yang deficient for the same reasons as Qi deficiency: poor diet, over work, stress, and old age. Balancing Diet : Eat more Yang foods, which are sweet and pungent in flavor. The sweet foods build Qi, while the pungent foods add heat to the body. A majority of your diet should be naturally sweet foods (not artificially sweet foods) such as whole grains, rice, potatoes, sweet potatoes, carrot, and peas. Use the spicy foods as condiments, such as onion, garlic, cinnamon, ginger, and chili peppers. Eat less of foods that are raw and cold-energy, such as many fruits and foods with bitter or salty flavors. Lifestyle Tips : Keep the feet, back, and lower abdomen warm; do mild exercises, such as jogging, yoga, and tai chi; avoid being in air-conditioned rooms for long periods; use saunas; do activities that lift your spirit and relieve anxiety, such as journaling, meditation, art, and writing. Balancing Acupoints : ST 36: Zu San Li (足三里) SP 3: Tai Bai (太白) KD 3: Tai Xi (太溪) CV 4: Guan Yuan (关元) CV 6: Qi Hai (气海) GV 4: Ming Men (命门) UB 23: Shen Shu (肾俞) Constitution 4: Yin Deficient (too much Yang) Body : Yin deficient people feel hot in the hands and feet, dislikes hot and dry weather, and usually have a thin physique. They might also experience dry mouth and nose, constipation, and insomnia. They are more vulnerable to sore throat and fever. Their tongue would be red with little or no coating, and their pulse would be thin and rapid. We can see from the picture that the person is very hot (hence wearing little clothes), has hot hands and feet, and is thin. Personality : Outgoing, impatient. Contributing factors : A person can become Yin deficient due to excess stress, overthinking, alcohol, or spicy foods. Balancing Diet : Eat more Yin foods, which have the bitter, sour, or salty taste (see food chart above) Eat less of hot-energy foods such as onion, garlic, chili peppers, and heavy animal proteins. Lifestyle Tips : Do mild to moderate exercise, such as tai chi, yoga, and swimming; avoid caffeine; don’t stay up late; build inner peace through activities like meditation. Balancing Acupoints : SP 6: San Yin Jiao (三阴交) KD 6: Zhao Hai (照海) CV 4: Guan Yuan (关元) PC: 7: Da Ling (大陵) Constitution 5: Damp Phlegm Body : People of damp phlegm constitution tend to be overweight, feel heavy or sluggish, have an oily face, sweat a lot, have excess throat secretions to spit, and dislike rain and damp environments. Their tongue would have a sticky coating, and their pulse would be slow and slippery. We can see from the picture that the person is overweight, sweats a lot, and is spitting out throat phlegm (mucus). Personality : This person likely has a mild, steady, and patient personality. Contributing Factors : A person can get damp phlegm due to poor diet particularly with too much cold and raw foods, dairy, overwork, and living in a damp environment. Balancing Diet : Eat more foods that have the bitter, pungent/spicy, sour, and salty flavors (see food chart above). Eat less of sweet foods (especially artificially sweet foods) and fatty foods such as dairy, pastries, and meat. If you’re not sure what phlegm is, you can think of ice cream as frozen phlegm. Lifestyle Tips : Refrain from a sedentary lifestyle; exercise at a pace you can sustain over the long-term; avoid outdoor activities during cold and humid weather; avoid extreme emotions; build calmness through activities like meditation, tai chi, and yoga. Balancing Acupoints : ST 36: Zu San Li (足三里) ST 40: Feng Long (丰隆) SP 6: San Yin Jiao (三阴交) SP 9: Yin Ling Quan (阴陵泉) ST 8: Tou Wei (头维) Constitution 6: Damp Heat Body : People with damp heat constitution likely have oily skin, acne, bad breath, bitter taste in mouth, dry stools, yellow urine, and yellow tongue coating. They dislike damp and hot environments. Their tongue would have a sticky yellow coating, and their pulse would be rapid and slippery. We can see from the picture that the person feels hot and has bad skin with acne. Personality : This person is likely to be irritable and short-tempered. Contributing Factors : A person can get dampness due to too much cold and raw foods, dairy, over work, and living in a damp environment. The heat aspect might come from too much fried foods, alcohol, spicy foods, and psychological stress. Balancing Diet : Eat more foods that remove dampness and heat, such as red beans (adzuki beans), water chestnut, and dandelion tea. Bitter foods also help, such as celery, bitter melon, and broccoli. Eat less pungent/spicy foods like garlic, onion, and chili peppers. Also avoid greasy foods. Lifestyle Tips : Make your living environment well-ventilated; maintain regular and adequate sleep; can do high-intensity exercises; avoid outdoor activities during hot and humid weather Balancing Acupoints : LV 3: Tai Chong (太冲) ST 31: Jie Xi (解溪) SP 10: Xue Hai (血海) KD 6: Zhao Hai (照海) Constitution 7: Blood Stagnation Body : People with the Blood stagnation constitution likely have dull and grayish skin, purple lips and nails, spots on face, dark circles under eyes, and body pains. It’s easy for them to get bruises and bleed, and they feel uncomfortable in cold and windy weather. Their tongue would be purple, and their pulse would be wiry and choppy. We can see in the picture that the person has dull skin, spots on her face, dark eye circles, and bruises on the body. Personality : This person is likely to be impatient, short tempered, and forgetful. Contributing Factors : A person can get Blood stagnation due to factors such as physical trauma, long term Qi and Blood deficiencies, excess of hot or cold, excess fatty foods such as meat and dairy. Balancing Diet : The Heart is in charge of Blood circulation, which bitter foods help. Salty foods also help the Kidneys resolve Blood stagnation and nourishes the Blood. Blood stagnation often comes with Qi stagnation, so it’s usually helpful to support the Lungs, which are in charge of Qi circulation, with pungent foods. See the food chart above for examples. Lifestyle Tips : Do activities that promote Blood circulation, such as tai chi, dance, and running; avoid being to sedentary; massage; calm the emotions through activities like meditation Balancing Acupoints : ST 36: Zu San Li (足三里) SP 6: San Yin Jiao (三阴交) SP 10: Xue Hai (血海) UB 40: Wei Zhong (委中) UB 17: Ge Shu (膈俞) Constitution 8: Qi Stagnation Body : A person with the Qi stagnation constitution likely has a thinner physique, heart palpitations, and insomnia. Their tongue would be purple, and their pulse would be wiry. They dislike autumn, winter, and rain. Personality : This person is emotionally unstable, experiencing many negative emotions such as melancholy, anxiety, depression, and suspicion of others. They are usually timid. We can see from the picture that the person looks very melancholic and timid. Contributing Factors : A person can develop Qi stagnation due to physical trauma, poor diet, and opportunistic infections from external pathogens. Balancing Diet : Eat more Qi nourishing foods, which are mainly sweet in flavor. The Liver plays a large role in Qi circulation, so also add sour flavors to support the Liver (of course, not in excess). Warm-energy foods also help, such as onion, garlic, and ginger. Also eat more salty foods such as sea vegetables to dissolve stagnation. Avoid caffeine, which makes the emotions more unstable. Lifestyle Tips : Have a quiet environment; sleep at regular times; can do vigorous exercises such as swimming and martial arts; engage in group exercises and games, such as dance, chess, sports, etc. to enhance social life Balancing Acupoints : LI 4: He Gu (合谷) LV 3: Tai Chong (太沖) ST 36: Zu San Li (足三里) GB 20: Feng Chi (风池) Constitution 9: Special Constitution Body : Person with the Special Constitution have inborn sensitivities to certain foods, drugs, smells, pollen, or other environmental allergens. They often develop symptoms such as sneezing, runny nose, itchy skin, coughing, and the like. These symptoms change by the season, as we can see in the picture. Contributing Factors: Dairy is one of the leading contributors to allergies. Dairy promotes the production of mucus, which is irritating to the immune system and weakens it. If you have allergies, try drinking some milk and then see if our nose starts to run soon afterwards. Balancing Diet : Eat a balanced diet with primary sweet-flavored foods and vegetables. Eat less pungent/spicy foods. Be cautious with dairy. Lifestyle Tips : Have a clean and well-ventilated living environment; maintain cleanliness and hygiene; keep warm; exercise regularly to increase immunity. Helpful Acupoints : Here are some commonly used acupoints for allergy relief: UB 2: Zan Zu (攒竹); useful for sinus congestion and red watery eyes LI 20: Ying Xiang (迎香); useful for sinus issues LU 7: Lie Que (列缺); useful for cold symptoms like sneezing, chills, runny nose, and sore throat LI 4: He Gu (合谷); useful for headaches at the front of the head, pain anywhere, and cold symptoms. But don’t use this point if you are pregnant. TCM Doctor Chad Dupuis explains, “ A useful acupressure for allergies protocol would be to hold, UB 2 on both sides, then LI 20 on both sides, then LU 7 on the left side, LI 4 on the left side, then LU 7 and LI 4 on the right (avoiding LI 4 if you are pregnant). Each point should be held for 30-60 seconds and you can repeat the sequence or individual points 2-3 times a day when experiencing allergy symptoms. ” Conclusion In TCM, there are 9 main body constitutions that are associated with different patterns of illness. Our constitution is affected by our elemental profile that we were born with, as well as our age, gender, emotions, and living environment. In other words, our constitution can change with time. Here is a summary of the nine constitutions: (In case you were wondering, yes it did take a very long time to add in all those emojis!) Once we know our constitution, we can take simple actions to balance our constitution via food, lifestyle, and acupoints. In the next article , we'll look at the TCM Body Clock and how different times of the day are suited for different activities.

Welcome to this article series on Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM). The aim of this series is to provide you with foundational and practical knowledge of TCM that you can use to improve your own health at home in daily life. The recommendations in this series are simple, accessible, and mostly free. After all, good health should be something that is accessible to everyone! Here is a clickable table of contents for this series: Introduction and Foundation The Five Elements Profiles Food and Cooking The Five Major Organs The Nine Body Constitutions The Body Clock Common Treatments from a Practitioner My Experience with TCM Health Advice From Doctors At A Chinese Medicine Hospital Sleep Tips from Traditional Chinese Medicine Emotions and Health This article is Part 4: The Five Major Organs. The previous articles looked at foundational concepts of TCM such as Yin Yang, acupoints, the five elements, and food. This article builds on the five elements framework to talk about the five major organs in TCM: Liver Heart Spleen (and Stomach) Lungs Kidneys Image Source Each organ has different functions, along with linked emotions and flavors. This article will go into each organ one by one, talking about its function, symptoms of imbalance, and how to improve its health. This article also mentions a few acupoints for each organ. Try pressing and massaging those acupoints on yourself, especially if you suspect you have problems in the relevant organ. If you massage an acupoint and feel pain, then there's a blockage there, and you should massage that point for about 5 to 10 minutes a day until the pain reduces. Usually, the pain would reduce within a week. After massaging acupoints that felt pain, you can apply a microwavable heat bag on it to provide extra heat therapy and help that point heal faster. If there's no pain but you think you have a problem in that organ, try massaging areas around that point because you might not have located the point correctly. If there's no pain and you don't think there's a problem in that organ, then just move on. Liver Functions: The Liver detoxifies the body and regulates the movement of Qi and in the body. The Liver’s partner organ is the Gallbladder, and together, they aid with digestion and processing nutrients. In the five elements, wood controls earth. That means the Liver controls the digestive organs. If there is a prolonged problem in the Liver, then the digestive organs will be next to have a problem. From an emotional perspective, a healthy Liver promotes feelings of love and compassion. The Liver is most damaged by stress, anger, frustration, and resentment. Since stress is so common in our modern society, most people’s Livers are not as healthy as people in the past. Symptoms of Imbalance: Eye problems : red eyes, itchy eyes, dry eyes Anger problems : getting disproportionately angry at small things, getting frustrated all the time Bitter taste in mouth in the morning No appetite Insomnia Too many dreams during sleep Menstrual pains , PMS anger Improving Liver Health: Build peaceful emotions through activities like walking, meditation, and yoga. This is the most important thing for your Liver! Get enough sleep and rest Avoid alcohol because it hurts the Liver Do gentle exercise instead of intense exercise because the Liver has to send Blood to repair damage done by intense exercise Stop eating 2-3 hours before sleep Stop eating when 80% full Add some sour foods : Sour is the taste associated with the Liver. If you don’t like the sour taste, it usually means you need it. Examples of sour foods include lemon, lime, oranges, tomatoes, pineapple, olives, pomegranate, and loquat. Eat more green foods, especially dark leafy greens Liver Meridian and Acupoints: The Liver meridian starts at the big toe and goes up long the inner leg to the chest. Image Source From the picture, we can see 14 major acupoints along the Liver meridian. Not all the acupoints are easy to locate and massage yourself, but three really important acupoints that are also easy to locate are the Tai Chong, San Yin Jiao, Qi Men, and Zhang Men. Tai Chong (太冲) The Tai Chong acupoint is a key point on the Liver meridian. It is located where your big toe bone meets your second toe bone. Press and massage this spot on both feet. Images Source This acupoint helps with headache, dizziness, high blood pressure, nearsightedness and other eye problems, abnormal menstrual cycle, and numbness in hands. San Yin Jiao (三阴交) This acupoint connects the Liver, Spleen, and Kidney meridians, so it is a very important point. You can locate above your ankle at a distance of the length of your four fingers as shown in the picture: Image Source This acupoint helps with Qi flow to Liver, Spleen, and Kidneys; menstruation; resolving dampness; and calming the mind. Qi Men (期门) and Zhang Men (章门) Qi Men is located a bit under the nipple. You can start on the nipple and then go down slowly, rib by rib. You should find it within 3 ribs. Image Source Zhang Men is located at the side of the 11th rib (see picture). Image Source These two points help to promote the smooth flow of Liver Qi in the stomach area to help the Stomach and Spleen with digestion. They can help with problems such as bloating, chest pains, vomiting, and inflammation in the digestive organs and Liver. Heart Functions: The Heart is in charge of Blood flow. In TCM, the Heart is the king of all organs, meaning that other organs will sacrifice their energies for the Heart to maintain its balance. The Stomach and Liver are two very important organs for the Heart; any damage to those organs also hurt the Heart. That means poor digestion, chronic stress, and excessive emotion hurt the Heart. The Heart is linked to your tongue, face, and pulse. The Heart is in balance if the tongue is a healthy red color, the face has a healthy complexion, and the pulse is strong. Symptoms of Imbalance: Tongue appears pale or dark purple or cracked Face appears pale or overly red Pulse is weak Insomnia and difficulty sleeping Poor Blood circulation Spontaneous dreaming Excessive and vivid dreaming Craving bitter foods Improving Heart Health: Find reasons to smile : joy is the nurturing emotion for the Heart (but avoid excessive stimulation or over-excitement, as that hurts the Heart) Go for a slow and steady walk Manage stress with relaxation activities such as meditation and yoga Eat red foods : Red is the color associated with the Heart under the 5 Elements Theory. Examples of red foods include tomatoes, berries, beetroot, and hawthorn. Eat bitter foods : Bitter is the flavor associated with the Heart. Examples of bitter foods include leafy greens, bitter melon, celery, asparagus, brussels sprouts, and dandelion tea Heart Meridian and Acupoints You can also try massaging acupoints along the Heart meridian to see if any of them hurt. There are only 9 main points so it’s fairly easy to massage and feel the acupoints on that meridian. Image Source Three major acupoints that are easy to locate and try are Shao Hai (HT3), Ling Dao (HT4), Shen Men (HT7), and Shao Fu (HT 8). HT3: Shao Hai (少海) This acupoint helps with chest pain, pain or numbness in the lower arms, eye redness, toothache, and mouth ulcers. See above picture for location of HT3. HT4: Ling Dao (灵道) This acupoint helps with chest pain that worsens with emotion distress. It also helps with unstable emotions, depression, anxiety, and insomnia. See above picture for location of HT4. HT7: Shen Men (神门) This acupoint is a really important one because it helps to calm and ease the mind from emotions. It can help with insomnia for those who can't sleep due to excessive emotions. Image Source HT8: Shao Fu (少府) Image Source This acupoint helps with conditions such as heart palpitations, hot palms, sore throat, difficult urination, and mouth problems like ulcers and canker sores. Spleen (and Stomach) Function: In the west, we tend to think of the Stomach as the digestive organ. In TCM, the Stomach works with the Spleen to digest food. But when TCM refers to Spleen, it also refers to the Western idea of pancreas because the pancreas also produces digestive enzymes. In English, we usually just say "stomach" to refer to the digestive organ, but in Chinese, the Spleen and Stomach are so closely related that they use the word "Spleen-Stomach" to refer to the digestive organs. The Spleen’s element is earth, and just like how mother Earth nurtures all living creatures, the Spleen’s digestive function nurtures all other organs. The Spleen is in charge of transforming the food into Qi and Blood for the body to use. The Spleen then sends that Qi and Blood to the Lungs for circulation around the body. Symptoms of Imbalance: Problems in the mouth : The sensory organ linked to the Spleen is the mouth, so if you have any problems in the mouth, such as bleeding gums or bad breath, then your Spleen (and Stomach) may have problems. Problems with waste elimination , such as constipation or diarrhea Problems with digestion such as bloating Excessive worry or overthinking Maintaining Spleen (and Digestive) Health: Eat naturally sweet foods such as rice, grains, root vegetables, and fruits Eat mostly cooked foods and avoid raw foods Eat warm-temperature foods , with a temperature close to the boy temperature of 37 degrees Celsius (body temperature); avoid cold or iced foods Eat until 80% full Eat in a peaceful state , not in a state of stress and overthinking; do some deep breathing before eating Stop eating 3 hours before bed to give your Spleen time to rest Light exercise (not too intense, but not too little) Spleen and Stomach Meridians and Acupoints The Spleen meridian has 20 main acupoints, while the Stomach meridian has 45 main acupoints. Image Source Fortunately, we can just test a few really important acupoints points for our digestive health: Zu San Li, Yin Lin Quan, San Yin Jiao. Zu San Li (足三里) This acupoint is located at the top of our shin under the knee cap, on the outer side of the leg. Image Source Apart from healing and strengthening the digestive organs, this acupoint helps with so many other things such as immunity, shock, high blood pressure, lack of Blood, and asthma. Yin Ling Quan (阴陵泉) This acupoint is located near the Zu San Li, but instead of being on the outer side of the shin, it’s on the inner side. Image Source This acupoint helps with abdominal pains, loose stools and diarrhea, Kidney problems, menstrual pains, and knee pain. You can also massage upwards on the line shown in the picture from the bottom to the top. That will stimulate the Spleen Qi. San Yin Jiao (三阴交) This acupoint was mentioned above in the Liver section. Lungs Functions: The Lungs circulate Qi and fluids throughout the body. They also maintain immune defense against pathogens. The Lungs’ partner organ is the Large Intestine, and both of them help you let go of what you don’t need, whether it be carbon dioxide, bodily waste, or emotions. Symptoms of Imbalance: Problems in the nose : The nose is the sensory organ related to the Lungs. Problems such as runny nose, congested nose, sneezing, or loss of smell might indicate lung problems. Unhealthy looking skin due to poor Qi and Blood circulation Excess sadness Maintaining Lung Health: Let go of things you no longer need, such as old clothes and books Let go of past emotions that are weighing you down ; get into spirituality Maintain an active social life Cover up your skin in windy weather: Wear scarves, hats, long sleeve shirts Add pungent, spicy, or white foods such as garlic, ginger, onions, daikon radish, potatoes, and white mushrooms Avoid cold and raw foods Breathing exercises Lung Meridian and Acupoints You can also try massaging acupoints along the lung meridian to see if any of them hurt. There are only 11 main points so it’s fairly easy to massage and feel the acupoints on that meridian. A few great ones to test are Tai Yuan (LU9), Lie Que (LU 7), Chi Ze (LU5), and Zhong Fu (LU1). Image Source Tai Yuan (太渊) This acupoint is good for tonifying lung Qi and Yin, which will help with symptoms such as coughs, runny rose, sore throat, and asthma. It also helps with wrist pain and arm pain along the meridian. See above picture for the LU9 point. Lie Que (列缺) This acupoint is located near the inner wrist, as shown in the picture below. Image Source Massaging or hitting this point helps strengthen the Lungs and improve the skin. It can even help people who are trying to quit smoking! Chi Ze (尺泽) This acupoint clears Lung heat and descends Lung Qi. It helps with asthma, sore throat, and coughing due to heat. It also helps to clear phlegm (mucus) from the Lungs and relaxes the sinews. See the above picture for LU5's location. Zhong Fu (中府) This acupoint is useful for all lung issues, especially coughing, wheezing, and asthma. It also helps to remove damp heat. Image Source LU2: Yun Men is very close to this point and the function of that point is very similar. Kidneys Functions: In TCM, the Kidneys are like the powerhouse of the body. They store a reserve of Qi called “pre-natal Qi” inherited from your parents; when another organ is low on Qi, the Kidneys will send some of that pre-natal Qi to that organ. The partner organ to the Kidneys is the Bladder. They are both water element, which is linked to the emotion of fear. That’s why people pee their pants when terrified. The sensory organs related to the Kidneys are the ears, and the body tissue related to the Kidneys are the bones. Symptoms of Imbalance: Problems in the ear : deafness, ringing in the ears, ear infections Problems in bones : weak bones, teeth problems Often having sever panic attacks or fear Maintaining Kidney Health: Add salty foods such as sea salt, sea vegetables, seaweed/kelp, miso, millet, barley, fermented products, pickles, parsley, celery Add black or blue foods such as seaweed/kelp, black beans, black rice, blackberries, blue berries, eggplant/aubergine Cultivate calmness and relaxation through activities like meditation, yoga, and breathing exercises Get adequate sleep, and especially sleep from 11PM to 3AM Kidney Meridian and Acupoints The Kidney meridian has 27 main points. The points around the feet are easiest to test. A few good ones to try are Yong Quan (KD1), Tai Xi (KD3), and Fu Liu (KD7). Image Source Yong Quan (涌泉) This acupoint increases Kidney and Heart Yin, which can help with insomnia, anxiety, poor memory, rage, and night sweats. It also helps with chronic sore throat, dry mouth, headaches, constipation, and lower back pain. The above picture clearly shows the location of Yong Quan at KI 1. Tai Xi (太溪) Image Source This acupoint increases Kidney Yang, which can help with thirst, sore throat, frequent urination, ear ringing, chronic lower back pain, and insomnia. Fu Liu (复溜) Image Source This acupoint tonifies Kidney Yang, which helps with sweating problems (too much, too like, spontaneous), swelling, and urinary issues. It can also help with diarrhea and constipation. Common Acupoints for Overall Health Here are six of the most commonly used acupoints: We've already talked about Tai Chong and Zu San Li, so next we'll look at these four: Bai Hui (百会) and Si Shen Cong (四神聪) He Gu (合谷) Jian Jing (肩井) Feng Chi (凤池) Bai Hui (百会) and Si Shen Cong (四神聪) The Bai Hui acupoint is located at the crown of the head. Massaging this point helps to improve memory and treat many problems such as headaches, dizziness/vertigo, insomnia, strokes, restlessness, and partial paralysis. The four Si Shen Cong acupoints are located on the 4 sides of the Bai Hui, each one being one cun away from the Bai Hui. In this case, cun means the diameter of the widest part of your thumb. These four points aid the Bai Hui, so the effects are similar. Image Source You can use your finger to massage these points. Make sure to use lots of force. Another option is hit the point with your fingers or an object like a comb. He Gu (合谷) This acupoint is located at the junction of your index finger and thumb bones. Massaging this point helps to improve or treat pains in the head area, such as tooth pain and headaches, as well as constipation. Image Source You can massage this point by using the other hand’s thumb and index finger. Another option is to pinch this acupoint. Jian Jing (肩井) This acupoint is very useful because so many people have shoulder pain from bad posture. Massaging this point helps with shoulder soreness and stiffness, headaches, toothaches, fertility, and breast milk production in new mothers. Image Source The acupoint is located at the center of the shoulders. Horizontally, it is in between your spine and edge of shoulder. Vertically, it is aligned with the nipple. Feng Chi (凤池) These two acupoints are located at the back of the head where the two big side tendons of the neck meet the bottom of the skull. Image Source Massaging these two points helps with high blood pressure, colds, headaches, dizziness, neck problems, and eye problems such as myopia, glaucoma, and pink eyes. Conclusion This article explained the five major organs in TCM in terms of its functions, symptoms of imbalance, and how to improve its health. We can take care of our organs through lifestyle factors, food, and massaging certain acupoints on the body right in the comfort of our own home! If you do find painful acupoints, pick 1 to 3 that you want to focus on, and massage those for 5 minutes each every day. You can also apply a microwavable heat bag afterwards to give the point some extra heat therapy. The next article will explain the nine body constitutions in TCM.

Welcome to this article series on Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM). The aim of this series is to provide you with foundational and practical knowledge of TCM that you can use to improve your own health at home in daily life. The recommendations in this series are simple, accessible, and mostly free. After all, good health should be something that is accessible to everyone! Here is a clickable table of contents for this series: Introduction and Foundation The Five Elements Profiles Food and Cooking The Five Major Organs The Nine Body Constitutions The Body Clock Common Treatments from a Practitioner My Experience with TCM Health Advice From Doctors At A Chinese Medicine Hospital Sleep Tips from Traditional Chinese Medicine Emotions and Health This article is Part 1: Introduction and Foundation . Traditional Chinese Medicine (TCM) is a body of medical knowledge and practice that has been passed down generation after generation for at least 2500 years in China. This long history assures us that it has great value, as it has been scrutinized and tested for literally thousands of years. Moreover, doctors in ancient China healed patients for free. In other words, people became doctors purely to help others, so we can be assured they would only pass down the best information. Different medicine systems are like different languages in the world. Different languages use different sounds, grammar, and thinking. Different medical systems use different terms, ideas, and tools. Regardless of the language, the goal of communication is achieved. Regardless of the medical system, the goal of health is achieved. Some languages are more similar, while other languages are very different. The same for medical systems. For example, TCM shares many similarities with Ayurveda (Traditional Indian Medicine), while it seems very different from western medicine. But in essence, eastern and western medicine do talk about many of the same things, just using different terms. If you are trying to get healthy, it’s certainly useful to learn about new tools outside of what you currently know. The worst is that you don’t end up needing the tools, while the best is you end up benefiting greatly from those new tools. When learning a new language, we must first learn the ABCs. The same is true for learning TCM. This article will explain some foundational concepts in TCM: Yin and Yang Qi and Blood Meridians and Acupoints Five Elements (Phases) A great thing about TCM is that it's very patient friendly. In western medicine, there's a lot of jargon that doctors use that the patient simply doesn't understand. But in TCM, once you know the basic vocabulary, you're good to go. Every problem is basically an excess, deficiency, or blockage. Yin and Yang In TCM, the concept of Yin Yang is about relativity and maintaining balance. A simple example is temperature. Temperature is relative: there is no hot without cold, and there is no cold without hot. Temperature also needs balance: we don’t want to be too hot nor too cold. It’s similar to the idea of homeostasis in western medicine, but TCM relates Yin Yang more towards the broader natural environment. Image Source “ Yin ” literally means “the shady side of the mountain”, while " Yang " literally means “the sunny side of the mountain.” We can think of “Yin” as anything related to the shady side, such as dark, hidden, damp, cold, and sinking energy. We can think of “Yang” as anything related to the sunny side, such as light, visible, dry, heat, and lifting energy. Our balance of Yin and Yang changes moment to moment, just like how the sunlight moves through different parts of the mountain throughout the day. Hence, the goal of staying in balance is never ending. To give some health examples, we can look at food, exercise, and rest. Some foods are Yin, while some foods are Yang. Even if we hear a certain food is highly nutritious, we shouldn’t overeat it. Overeating a certain food may lead to imbalance of Yin or Yang. Exercise is Yang, while rest is Yin; we need a balance between the two; an excess of either creates health problems. Qi and Blood In TCM, Qi means energy or life force. From a western medicine perspective, Qi sounds like some mystical thing that can’t be proven to exist. If you really want to think of Qi in a more western-medicine way, you can think of it as the level of oxygen and glucose, which determine our energy, that is moving through our body. But Qi is more than just energy. Qi is also about the qualities and transformations of a thing. For example, the Qi of water is soft, wet, smooth, pliable, and sinking. Different organs also have different Qi, which they use to perform their respective functions. Article 4 will talk more about the organs. In TCM, Blood refers to not just the red liquid but also nutrients in the Blood. So if someone has a “Blood deficiency” in TCM, it means they’re lacking the red liquid and/or nourishment in the red liquid. Blood and Qi together make up the essence of the human body, and we need to have enough of them for good health. We also need Blood and Qi to flow properly throughout the body, and any obstructions in their flow will lead to problems. Meridians and Acupoints In TCM, meridians refer to the channels through which Qi flows. Just like how Blood has to flow through arteries and veins, Qi has to flow through meridians. Each meridian is also linked to specific organs. If there’s a block or partial blockage in a meridian, that can lead to problems in the corresponding organ, which then lead to health problems related to that organ. There are 12 main meridians in the body, and they typically run along tendons that we can feel and massage ourselves. Image Source Acupoints are specific points on meridians. They are also called acupuncture points since acupuncturists use them, as well as acupressure points since massage therapists use them too. Each acupoint is linked to a specific part of the body. For example, let’s say you have digestion problems. A TCM doctor would inspect the meridians related to your digestive organs and try to find the specific acupoint that is blocked along those meridians. Typically, that blocked acupoint will feel very painful if you put pressure on it. The TCM doctor will then help unblock that acupoint through treatments such as acupuncture (inserting small needles), moxibustion (applying heat), acupressure (applying pressure) or Tui Na massage (massaging the point). Part 7 in this series will talk more about common TCM treatments. Massaging Acupoints at Home Acupoints are an amazing tool for maintaining our health because if we know just some major acupoints, we can massage those points ourselves at home. This form of health maintenance is simple, convenient, cheap, and effective. Acupoints are also very clever. If there’s a problem in that acupoint (indicated by pain when pressed), then massaging it will help you heal that problem and remove the blockage. If there’s no problem there, then massage it will help you prevent problems from arising. Either way, massaging acupoints and meridians help our health. Don’t be afraid if there’s pain. Massage it daily with as much force as you can tolerate, and it will get better and less painful over time. In terms of how to massage, there are a few ways. One simple way is to use your thumb or fingers to push on the point back and forth parallel to the tendon. Another way is to do it clockwise and then counter-clockwise. Yet another way is just to push down on the point, applying pressure. You should massage the point for at least 5 minutes if you can. If you’re short on time, then you could do 30 times clockwise, then 30 times counter-clockwise. Here's one example of an acupoint that everyone would probably be interested in: the Tai Chong. It is an acupoint for the liver, which is important for detoxing our body, slowing aging, and having healthy skin. Here's a short video demonstrating how to massage an acupoint: Here are some other commonly used acupoints that you can try: Part 4 and Part 5 of this series will talk more about which acupoints are good for which situations. Applying Heat on Acupoints In addition to massaging acupoints, we can apply heat on those acupoints using microwavable heat bags and wraps that people like to use in the winter. Image Source This is especially helpful after massaging the acupoint, but you could do it without massaging as well. Five Elements (Five Phases) Apart from Yin Yang, the five elements (also called the five phases) is another foundational concept in TCM. TCM doctor Lee Smith explains the five elements as “a map to understand change in Chinese medicine through observation of how the seasons change and how our body changes within those seasons.” He also comments that the five elements framework is so insightful yet simple that it probably took a group of Elon Musk level geniuses in ancient China to create. This framework links nature to our health, organs, emotions, and food. The five elements are wood, fire, earth, metal, and water. Image Source: PowerPoint wizardry by yours truly As with Yin Yang, we want the five elements to be in balance in the body. From the picture, we can see that each element has an associated organ, emotion, flavor, and color. The solid lines on the outside represent the nourishing cycle, while the dotted lines on the inside represent the restraining cycle. The Nourishing Cycle To explain the nourishing cycle of the five phases, think of life starting in Spring. There’s a lot of growth; that’s wood . Then comes summer, when there’s a lot of heat; that’s fire . Then comes late summer, when it’s very hot and humid; that’s earth . Then comes autumn, when it’s very dry and airy; that’s metal (similar to the element of air in Ayurveda). Metal is able to shape the other elements, kind of like how a metal knife can cut food. Finally comes winter, when it’s very cold and heavy; that’s water . So how does this relate to health? Well, if one element gets really weak, then it might steal energy from the mother element. For example, let’s say you have a bad diet for a long time, so now your digestive organs (spleen and stomach) are weakened. Since your digestive organs are earth, they might steal energy away from the heart, which is fire. So over time, that might lead to heart palpitations. Another application of the nourishing cycle is in emotions. Looking at the positive emotions, kindness creates joy and love. When we feel joy and love, we naturally feel trust and openness towards life and people. That then makes us feel courage to do scary things. Courage helps us stay calm. The Restraining Cycle The restraining cycle, also called control cycle, explains which element restrains which element. The explanations are quite intuitive. Fire controls metal because fire can melt metal. Metal controls wood because a metal ax can chop down wood. Wood controls earth because the roots of a tree can dig into the earth. Earth controls water because the earth absorbs and holds water. Water controls fire because water puts out fire. So how does the restraining cycle relate to health? To give an example, the lungs (metal) suppress the liver (wood). Normally, when we get angry or stressed (two emotions that really affect the liver), taking some deep breaths can calm us down. That’s a healthy relationship of the lungs (metal) suppressing the liver (wood). An unhealthy situation would be if you got so angry or stressed that the lungs are unable to suppress the liver, and then even damages the liver. Indeed, too much stress and anger does damage the liver. Another application of the restraining cycle can be found in emotions. Sorrow (metal) overcomes anger (wood) : When people are too sad, they can’t feel anger Anger (wood) overcomes worry (earth) : When people are too angry, they don’t worry about anything before acting out in rage Worry (earth) overcomes fear (water) : When people are too worried, they get mentally exhausted and no longer feel fear Fear (water) overcomes joy (fire) : When people are too fearful, they can’t feel joy Joy (fire) overcomes sorrow (metal): When people are very joyful, they obviously don’t feel sad Isn’t this framework just amazing? So insightful and yet logical! Conclusion In this article, we looked at the foundational knowledge of Traditional Chinese Medicine, which are Yin Yang, Qi, Blood, meridians, acupoints, and the five elements. When we talk about methods to improve our health in future articles, the reasoning behind those practices will refer back to the foundational knowledge in this article. For example, when we talk about nourishing a specific organ, we will look at acupoints for that organ and foods that nourish that organ based on its element. The next article will go in-depth into the five elements.

Are you afraid of making mistakes and failing? Does the fear of mistakes and failure make you nervous before you do something? Do you feel a pit in your stomach when you make a mistake or fail? Afterwards, do you keep replaying past mistakes and failures in your head and criticize yourself for them? Icon Sources: 1 , 2   There are many things we cannot avoid in life, and mistakes (less serious) and failures (more serious) are two of them. Given this fact, do we have an effective way of thinking towards mistakes and failures? In the past, I didn't, so I answered "yes" to all the questions above. After learning ancient philosophy, I've developed a more effective way of thinking towards mistakes and failures, and although I'm not completely invincible against the discomfort of mistakes or the pain of failure, I'm much better than before.   Below are 7 important teachings that greatly helped me. For the sake of brevity, I will just use the term "mistake" or "failure" rather than "mistakes and failures", as both are mutually encompassing.   1: Mistakes are only mistakes if you don't learn from them. Motivational speaker Jay Shetty said, "Failures are only failures if you don't learn from them because if you learn from them, they become lessons."   If we think, " Today I made a mistake… ", we'll feel bad. But if we think, " Today I learned something that will help me in the future ", we'll feel good. How we think determines how we feel . So after we make a mistake, we need to reflect on why we made this mistake and how to prevent the same kind of mistake in the future. Once we have confidence that we can do better in the future, we'll feel better.   In my experience, it's best to do this reflection sooner rather than later, before our memory fades. By doing this, we can more easily let go of that mistake and not keep thinking about it. If that mistake pops up in our mind again in the future, we can tell ourselves, "I've already reflected on it and learned from it. I don't need to keep blaming myself for it."   2: Mistakes are an opportunity for growth and joy. As the previous point mentioned, all mistakes hold lessons within them that we need to dig out. Moreover, learning and growing is a joyful thing. As Socrates said, "Just as one person delights in improving his farm, and another his horse, so I delight in attending to my own improvement day by day."   It's not just Socrates who enjoys self-improvement; it's human nature to delight in one's own growth. If we're not making mistakes, then chances are, we aren't challenging ourselves, which also means we aren't growing, and we'll be missing out on the joy of growth. If we've gone a long time without any improvement, we'll feel like we're stagnating. So making mistakes is a good sign: it means we have opportunities for the joy of growth. In my daily journal, if I made a certain mistake one day, and then another day I consciously corrected that mistake, I feel good. Then I try to maintain that good behavior. No one's improvement is a smooth upwards line; usually it's full of ups and downs, but as long as we consciously persist, the long-term trend will be upwards, and once we've maintained improvement for a worthy amount of time, we'll be very satisfied with our growth.   3: Failure is the mother of success. I once heard a story about Thomas Edison, the inventor of the light bulb who failed thousands of times before he finally succeeded. One time, a young reporter asked him, “Mr. Edison, how does it feel to have failed 10,000 times in your present venture?”  Edison replied, “Young man, I will give you a thought that should benefit you in the future. I have not failed anything 10,000 times. I have successfully found 10,000 ways that will not work.”   If we want to do anything worthwhile in life, it's not going to be all smooth-sailing. There will definitely be bumps and hurdles along the way, and yes, that means mistakes and failures. But it's precisely thanks to these mistakes, or more accurately, the lessons that we gain from these mistakes, that enable us to finally succeed in the future. In a sense, people need to accumulate failures AND lessons to attain success (if we simply accumulate failures without any learnings, then we'll just keep failing in the future). Oftentimes, we look at successful people and only see their success, but what we fail to see is the great amount of failures they've accumulated beforehand. In other words, successful people aren't just more successful than normal people, they've also failed a lot more than normal people. When we realize this, not only will we not be so afraid of making mistakes, we might even feel like we aren't making enough! Of course, the point isn't to make mistakes on purpose, but rather to challenge ourselves towards a worthy goal and continuously learn along the way (which is a joyful thing).   4: Fail small. Adjust fast. When planning, we should predict things that might go wrong and make contingency plans for them. But no matter how diligently we plan, we can't predict the future, and there will probably be unexpected challenges. Hence, there's a saying that goes, "No plan survives first encounter with reality."   If we are aware of this, then not only will we not be surprised in the face of mistakes and unexpected problems, we'll be expecting it. We can also learn to fail small and adjust fast. For example, if I am writing a report to my professor, I can send an outline to my professor first to get feedback and quickly learn my mistakes. Then I can adjust and send another plan to my professor. This is less risky than doing the whole report by myself and submitting it without my professor's review beforehand.   To give another example, if I need to make tea for some guests, and I don't have much experience making tea, I should taste test the tea myself, adjust the flavor until I like it, and ask someone else to taste test it too (ideally someone who is knowledgeable on tea). I'm not going to get the taste perfect on the first try. I need to fail small and adjust fast. This is even more important if your decisions or actions will impact others.   5: Do your best, and let go of the rest. I've seen some people who get nervous extremely easily, and it's because they are too worried about making mistakes. That limits their potential and growth. If we are overly worried about making mistakes, it's usually because we are focusing too much on the result or what others think. The thing is, the result and what others think are both out of our control. Worrying doesn't help; in fact, it probably makes us perform worse.   There's a great teaching from the Serenity Prayer (feel free to skip the first word): "God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."   Of course, not worrying is easier said than done. But rather than continue to worry in our heads, we should channel that energy into productive action, and that means working on the things we can control. For example, if I have a presentation coming up, rather than worrying that I'll mess up (which I can't control), I should focus my attention and energy on practicing (which I can control). Then on the actual day, before my presentation, I tell myself, "I've already done my best given my circumstances. Whatever happens, happens." If I do make a mistake, which is very likely, I won't be upset because I know I've done my best at what I can control.   If I worry that others will laugh at me for my mistake, then I tell myself things like: "Caring too much about what others think is a main cause of suffering. This is a test for me to practice letting go of ego." "The people who matter won't judge me, and the people who judge me don't matter." "Don't care about the opinions of normal people. Care about the opinions of wise and virtuous people." Daniel Amen's 18/40/60 Rule: When you're 18, you worry about what everybody is thinking of you; when you're 40, you don't give a darn what anybody thinks of you; when you're 60, you realize nobody's been thinking about you at all.   6: Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn't know in the past. If we still beat ourselves up for past mistakes, it's important to practice self-compassion. No one is perfect. If your best friend made that mistake, would you keep criticizing them over and over afterwards? Of course not. We'd tell them, "It's OK. Forgive yourself for not knowing what you didn't know at the time because you couldn't have known back then." We should do the same for ourselves. 7: Mistakes are normal and inevitable. The important thing is how you respond to them. Again, no one is perfect. So don't beat yourself up for making a mistake. Don't lose faith in yourself if you've failed. It's totally normal.   Given that mistakes are inevitable in life, the important thing is how we respond to mistakes. Can we maintain our calm and peace? The great Stoic philosopher Seneca said, "To bear trials with a calm mind robs misfortune of its strength and burden."   Thus, mistakes are an opportunity for us to cultivate our mind. The mind is our most important asset. Anything and everything we do requires us to use our mind, so strengthening our mind's calm and concentration is one of the best things we can do for ourselves. Usually, after making a mistake or learning that they failed, people become startled and flustered. This weakens the mind, and this is precisely what we need to change. After making a mistake, we need to remember to keep calm. For example, recently, I was trying to carry five porcelain cups on one tray, and I was uncareful, and a porcelain lid fell to the ground and shattered. Instead of getting flustered and upset, I immediately told myself, "Stay calm and slow down."  I then asked a person beside me to help clean up the mess, and to do so carefully. I also asked other people to help carry the remaining cups to the other room. I'm not always able to remain calm right after a mistake, but this time, I was able to, and I'm happy about my growth. Of course, afterwards, I reflected in my journal about why I made that mistake (too impatient and greedy for quick results) so that I can prevent similar mistakes next time.   I've also seen other people mess up in a presentation, and they simply smile and say, "Oops, sorry, I said that wrong. I meant to say… Thanks for your encouraging smiles."  Even though they made a mistake, they didn't get noticeably flustered or embarrassed, so the audience members didn't feel embarrassed either. Their mistakes helped them to improve rather than regress, and that's delightful.   Conclusion What is your default reaction to mistakes and failures? How would you like to change it? Weekly Wisdom #303