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Have you ever tried to change other people? What’s your success rate? Like most people, I’ve done my fair share of advising others to change and improve. Yet most of the time, my advising reaps no change. I used to think that perhaps it’s their problem that they can’t act on good advice when they hear it. But is it likely that every person I advise has that same problem? Or could it be that the problem is me and my inability to give advice in an effective way? Once I learned about the three traits of effective leaders, I realized I definitely did not do a good job advising others. According to those three traits, to change other people, we need to 1. Lead by example – you can only ask of others what you already do 2. Show genuine care – they should feel that you have their best intentions at heart 3. Teach/coach them – people can’t do what they don’t know Those three traits are necessary for getting people to do something (leading them). But changing people means getting them do something differently from before, which is even harder. I would add two more principles: 4. Provide encouragement, not criticism – people need positive energy 5. Be patient – change takes time Notice that these five principles are all focused on YOU, not the other person. Whether or not they change is ultimately in their power. However, whether or not YOU do the best job as an advisor is within your power. If you want to maximize our chances of success, then following these five principles is essential. A Personal Example I wanted to change a family member and have her complain less. Before, I told her she complains too much and criticizes others too much. It didn’t help. 1: Lead by Example Later, I realized that I need to start by leading by example. If I want her to have a humble and considerate attitude, then I have to SHOW that kind of attitude to her. If I complain about her complaining, then I’m showing a bad example, and I have no right to ask her to stop complaining. I had to change myself to respond to her complaints with open-mindedness and empathy. When you try to make that change yourself, you also develop more empathy for the other person because you realize it’s not easy to change. 2: Show Genuine Care In order to show genuine care, I did nice things like cook food that she likes and take initiative to do chores. These little but unrelated things to the topic communicate that I have good intentions at heart, so if I tell her to change something, it’s not because I want to criticize her but because I want to help. That evidence has to come from previous actions. 3: Teach/Coach Them Eventually, she realized by herself that she indeed has a problem of complaining about others. A big contributor to this realization is that we watched video lectures on a book called Di Zi Gui together. In that book, it talks about how if we see the faults of others, we ought to reflect back on ourselves to see if we have that fault. Furthermore, we should praise other people’s good points and not broadcast their bad points. When this message came from a teacher instead of from me, she was able to listen without defensiveness. 4: Provide Encouragement, Not Criticism In the past, I would complain about her complaining. That’s providing criticism. It doesn’t help. Later, I changed to praising her when she showed empathy for others. That encouraged her to keep doing it. If she complained, I didn't say anything. Later, she'd often realize on her own. 5: Be Patient In the past, I would get annoyed when people don’t change after the first time I told them something. Now I realize that’s really naïve and unrealistic. People have built up habits over long periods of time, and so it takes a long time for them to unlearn old habits and learn new habits. If we can accept them who they are right now in their journey, then we won’t feel the urge to change them here and now. Instead, we can patiently encourage them at every stage along their journey. Just like how we appreciate every stage of change when autumn leaves turn color, we can appreciate every stage of change that people are on. A Workplace Example Imagine you are the principal of a school. Due to COVID-19, schools had to move classes online. A lot of teachers are not familiar with making online lessons and teaching online classes. There are lots of teachers who are resistant to the change to online classes. They wish that this is just a quick temporary situation, and that normal classes will resume soon. However, you know that online classes might very likely last for a long time, and you want to help them adapt to the change. How can you do that? 1: Lead by Example First, you have to lead by example by having the attitude that you hope your followers to have. If you want your school teachers to view the change positively, you have to be positive about the change. You also have to communicate why the adapting quickly to the change is extremely important for them, for the students, and for the school. 2: Show Genuine Care Second, you have to show through your words and actions that you have their best interests at heart. You can talk to teachers one-on-one. Listen to their concerns. Explain their concerns to them to verify your understanding. Let them feel that they’ve been heard. After people feel like you understand them, then they will be open to listening to your ideas and listening to logic. 3: Teach/Coach Them Once they’ve emotionally accepted the change and logically understand the importance of learning the online system, then they are open to learning the new system. 4: Provide Encouragement not Criticism A common complaint in the workplace is “You can do 100 right and no one notices, but if you do 1 thing wrong, the boss complains.” That kind of environment is highly discouraging. To help employees change, we need to provide a supportive environment. Different people learn at different paces. Praise the people who are adapting well and point to them as good role models that others can ask for advice from. 5: Be Patient We can’t expect people to change overnight. By having patience, we can continue to provide encouraging and warm energy to them, which will keep their motivation and energy levels up. Conclusion Most of us have urged others to change out of good intentions. But when we don’t know HOW to urge others, we can end up hurting the relationship and making things worse. This article explained five principles for changing others: Lead by example Show genuine care Teach/coach them Provide encouragement not criticism Be patient This article also went over two examples. Here are a couple more stories that illustrate how to change others effectively: Changing the Rebellious Brother Wife Urges Husband to Quit Smoking Changing others is not easy, and most of the result is not even within our control. However, when we follow these five principles, we maximize the chances for success and build a happy relationship along the way.

There were two women who wanted their husbands to stop smoking. The first woman often scolded her husband for smoking. One time, she and her husband were at a restaurant with some friends. A friend offered the husband a cigarette. The wife immediately snatched the cigarette away and scolded them for smoking. Smoking was a source of conflict in their relationship. The wife was frustrated and the husband felt disrespected. There was another couple where the wife was urging her husband to quit smoking. She told her husband, “Isn't our son so cute? We're so fortunate to have a good family and good health, especially your health since you support the family. But smoking is really bad for your health, and if something were to happen to you, your son and I would be devastated!" The husband felt appreciated and agreed that his health is important, but he admitted that it's extremely hard for him to quit smoking. The next day, the wife decided to buy lots of sunflower seeds. She her husband, "How about this: Whenever you have the urge to smoke, start cracking open some sunflower seeds to eat. That might distract you long enough for the urge to subside." The husband tried it, but after a while, he couldn’t restrain himself and started smoking again. After seeing her husband's hard efforts, the wife decided to buy some quality chocolate. She told her husband, "Maybe cheap sunflower seeds wasn't the best idea. How about this: Whenever you have the urge to smoke, eat some of this nice chocolate. I spent a lot of money to buy lots for you!" It worked for a while, but the husband still felt urges to smoke. One day, a friend came over. He sat down and offered her husband a cigarette. The wife saw this and quickly walked over. She used a warm tone of voice and said to the friend, “Please excuse me, but I’ve been trying to help my husband quit smoking for a long time now. First, I got him to eat sunflower seeds, and that worked for a while, but eventually stopped working. Then I got him to eat chocolate, and that worked for a while. I already spent a lot of time and money in this effort, so please support me in helping him quit smoking!” The husband reflected on his wife's hard efforts, and how warm and supportive she was throughout the whole process. He felt moved his wife's love and was inspired to quit smoking. Commentary: How often do we get angry at others for their bad habits? Getting angry doesn't help, and in fact, it usually makes the situation worse. If we want to inspire others to change, we must show genuine care for them and be patient. Our intention must not be controlling, and our attitude must not be “You must listen to me or else.” Instead, we need to focus on genuinely wanting the best for them and providing a feeling of warmth and support. The second wife spent a long time trying to help her husband, and she was warm and supportive throughout the whole time. Her patience and warmth eventually moved her husband and inspired him to change.

There were three brothers who lived together. The youngest brother loved to fool around, and he often came home past midnight. The eldest and middle brother both wanted to change the youngest to come home earlier and be more responsible. The eldest brother got very angry at the youngest, often scolding him loudly and fiercely. The youngest was already a young adult, and the more he got scolded, the later he came home each day. The middle brother saw the result and reflected on the eldest brother's methods. He then told the eldest, “Please let me try helping our younger brother. You can relax and leave it to me for the time being.” From that day on, the middle brother waited by the front door every night for the youngest to come home. The first night, he watched the clock pass by 10:00PM, 11:00PM. Rather than get impatient or angry, he cultivated his patience, waiting past 11:00PM, past 12:00AM, until finally, the youngest appeared. The middle brother immediately opened the front door, walked up to the youngest brother, and took his hand. The middle brother said, “It's so cold outside. Are you warm enough?” as he took him into the house. He also said, “You must be hungry. I’ll go cook some noodles for you.” The middle brother continued doing this for many weeks. Later, the youngest brother slowly started coming home earlier, day by day, until eventually, he came home at normal times. The middle brother kept encouraging him and giving him proper ideas about life so that his younger brother would have a bright future. Commentary: How often do we get angry at others for their bad habits? Getting angry doesn't help, and in fact, it usually makes the situation worse. If we want to inspire others to change, we must show genuine care for them and be patient. It took the middle brother many weeks to finally move the youngest brother's heart. Once the youngest brother really felt how much care and love the middle brother had for him, he naturally started to change.

"Life will present you with people and circumstances to reveal where you are not free." —Peter Crone Further explanation: "Let's face it. Life can be challenging. But I would assert whatever the challenge is, is the gold, is the opportunity. Because it's life creating a bit of friction to polish you. Life is saying, Hey! See, you're still looking through a lens of inadequacy...judgment...insecurity. And that's okay, but it's a lie. There's nothing wrong with you. And so just be patient, be trusting, be loving, be accepting, and understand that we are beneficiaries of life, not victims of it." —Peter Crone Source Video (highly worth watching):

"When you look at the science of these ultra processed pulverized foods... They're really designed to hijack our brain chemistry, our hormones, and our metabolism in a very specific ways. ... They design their products to create the bliss point of food: What is that perfect crunch, taste, sugar, whatever it is, that's going to make you go BOOM and have this pleasure sensation. ... So it's not just a theory that maybe it's addictive, maybe it's not a true addiction. It actually is." —Dr. Mark Hyman Video Source: https://www.instagram.com/p/CJoFUZTDhqV/

Do you get enough H2O? No, I'm not talking about the clear liquid that we drink (although it's definitely very important to get enough of that too!), I'm talking about H2O for your mind, heart, and soul. In his Ted Talk, Be Humble — and Other Lessons from the Philosophy of Water, Raymond Tang explains the three lessons he learned from water: Humility, Harmony, and Openness (H2O). These three lessons were inspired by a passage 8 of Lao Tzu's Tao Te Ching 《道德经》: The supreme goodness is like water. It benefits all things without contention. In dwelling, it stays grounded. In being, it flows to depths. In expression, it is honest. In confrontation, it stays gentle. In governance, it does not control. In action, it aligns to timing. It is content with its nature, and therefore cannot be faulted. Raymond then goes on to share his own experiences applying the lessons he learned. Humility On humility, Raymond said, “If we think about water flowing in a river, it is always staying low. It helps all the plants grow and keeps the animals alive. It doesn’t actually draw any attention to itself, nor does it need any reward and recognition. Water’s humility taught me a few important things. It taught me that instead of acting like I know what I’m doing or that I have all the answers, it’s perfectly okay to say, ‘I don’t know. I want to learn more, and I need your help.’ It also taught me that instead of promoting my glory and success, it is so much more satisfying to promote the success and glory of others. It taught me that instead of doing things so that I can get ahead, it is so much more fulfilling and meaningful to help other people overcome their challenges so that they can succeed. With a humble mindset, I was able to form a lot richer connections with the people around me.” Humility allows us to build richer connections with people, and as we learned previously, the quality of your life is directly dependent on the quality of your relationships. Harmony On harmony, Raymond reflected, “If we think about water flowing towards rock, it would just flow around it. it doesn’t get upset. It doesn’t get angry. It doesn’t get agitated. In fact, it doesn’t feel much at all. When faced with an obstacle, somehow, water finds a solution, without force, without conflict. When I was thinking through this, I became to understand why I was feeling stressed out in the first place. Instead of working in harmony with my environment, I was working against it. I was forcing things to change because I was consumed by the need to succeed or to prove myself. In the end, nothing did, and I got more frustrated. By simply shifting my focus from trying to achieve more success to trying to achieve more harmony, I was immediately able to feel calm and focused again. I started asking questions like: Will this action bring me greater harmony and more harmony to my environment? Does this align with my nature? I became more comfortable simply being who I am, rather than who I’m supposed to be or expected to be. Work actually became easier because I stopped focusing on the things I cannot control and only on the things that I can… Just as water is able to find a solution without force or conflict, I believe we can find a greater sense of fulfillment in our endeavors by shifting focus from achieving more success to achieving more harmony.” Often times, we are so attached to our ideas of how things should work or happen. We believe that if only people or the world would accommodate us, then we would be happy. But this thinking just frustrates us because we cannot control people or the world. By studying water, Raymond gained the insight that we can be happier and more fulfilled by serving others and by pursuing happiness. An important note here is that harmony does not mean we go along with everything that people want just to keep them happy. Rather, it means to truly serve others with best intentions. This can mean challenging others’ incomplete ideas or scolding them for bad actions, as well as encouraging them to do good. Openness On openness, Raymond explained, “Water is open to change. Depending on the temperature, it can be a liquid, solid, or gas. Depending on the medium its in, it can be a teapot, a cup, or a flower vase. In fact, it’s water’s ability to adapt, to change, and remain flexible that made it so enduring through the ages despite all the changes in the environment. We also live in a world today of constant change. We can no longer expect to work to a static job description or follow a single career path. We too are constantly expected to reinvent and refresh our skills to stay relevant. In our organization, we host a lot of hackathons, where small groups of individuals come together to solve a business problem in a compressed time frame. And what’s interesting to me is that the teams that usually win are not the ones with the most experienced team members, but the ones with members who are open to learn, who are open to unlearn, and who are open to helping each other navigate through the changing circumstances. Life is like a hackathon in some ways. It’s calling to each and every one of us to step up, to open up, and cause a ripple effect.” Concluding Thoughts What lessons did you learn from water? How can you apply those lessons in your own life? Special thanks to Raymond Tang for sharing this lesson and his experiences in his Ted Talk!

Three friends are walking along the beach. Suddenly, there’s a big gust of wind, blowing sand all around them. After the wind passed, they noticed something shinny in the sand. It looks like a lamp. Thankfully, they all heard about Aladdin before, so they picked up the lamp and gave it a good rub. As expected, a genie appeared. The genie said, “To the finders of my lamp, I will grant you three wishes. Since there are three of you, you each get one wish.” The three friends were excited and thought about what they wanted to wish for. The first friend said, “I work as a taxi driver, driving day and night. It’s very hard work and very tiring. I wish for a taxi fleet that I can rent out to people. Then I can be the boss and just take in rental fees!” “Done!” said the genie. And with a snap of his fingers, the first friend was sent back to his hometown with a taxi rental business. The second friend said, “I work at a supermarket, and sometimes I have to work three shifts a day. It’s also very tiring. I wish to be the boss of my own supermarket. Then I can just manage employees while they work for me and earn money for me.” “Done!” said the genie. And with a snap of his fingers, the second friend was sent back to his hometown with a supermarket and employees. The third friend thought and thought for half a day about what to wish for. He said, “I’ve never really thought about what I want to do with my life. I just don’t have any big desires. But this beach is pretty nice, and I suppose I can settle down here for the rest of my life. But it would be lonely all by myself. So I wish for my two friends to come back and stay with me.” “Done!” Moral of the Story: Choose your friends wisely. Do you have any friends like that third friend?

Below is a partial transcript from an interview between Jay Shetty and Dr. Daniel Amen, in which Daniel tells an anecdote about her 4-year-old daughter learning to not believe everything she thinks. The story begins at 28:35 and ends at 30:49 of the interview. The book mentioned, which he authored, is called Captain Snout and the Super Power Questions. You can read the book for free here. For background, Captain Snout is an ANT eater, and the acronym ANT stands for Automatic Negative Thoughts. Source ------- Daniel: I have a children’s book, which is relatively new and I love. It’s called Captain Snout and the Super Power of Questions. It basically teaches kids to think about what they think about, and to not believe every stupid thing they think. And four-year-olds can do this. So one quick story. Jay: Yeah I love your story! Daniel: My last one—I have four children—and Chole’s 15, and she’s got red hair like her mother, and when she was four, she announces to her mother that she’s going to get her ears pierced that day. And you don’t announce things to Tanna. And Tanna said no, that they didn’t have time, and that she had to wait until she was 5, and Chloe said I can’t wait until I’m 5, bursts into tears, drama, runs into my office, climbs on my lap. She’s crying. Crying her eyes out. Red little lips going. And I’m like, what’s the matter. And she says, “Mommy says I can’t get my ears pierced till I’m 5.” I’m like, “Okay. What’s the matter?” “I can’t wait until I’m 5.” I’m like, “Is that true?” “Yes.” I said, “Absolutely true?” “What do you mean?” “Are you gonna die if you don’t?” And no lie, she rolled her eyes at me! I didn’t think that was gonna happen until 12. “Of course not.” “How do you feel when you believe the thought you can’t wait?” “I’m mad, and I’m sad, and my ears aren’t cute.” “Okay. Who would you be if you didn’t have that thought?” Four years old: “Free”. Wow. “So what’s the opposite of I can’t wait?” “What do you mean?” I said, “You know, opposites. We just read a book on opposites. Tall and small and fat and skinny.” “I can wait until I’m 5.” And then she got off my lap and went and played with the dog. We could’ve had drama all day long over the years, or we could just teach ourselves we don’t have to believe every stupid thing we think. Source

Have you ever wanted someone else to do something with more motivation? Maybe it’s getting a family member to keep the house clean, or maybe it’s getting employees to feel more energy at work. What can we do to inspire more motivation in others? In the previous article, we looked at how to motivate yourself. Specifically, we looked at the self-motivation formula from Jim Kwik: Motivation = Purpose X Energy X Small Simple Steps Motivating others is kind of like helping them motivate themselves, so the same advice applies. We can recommend them to get clear on their purpose, to increase their energy through a healthier lifestyle, and to just get started with the smallest simple step. But when it comes to motivating others, we can add some more useful advice about extrinsic versus intrinsic motivators, and how we should use the three intrinsic motivators of autonomy, mastery, and purpose. Image Source Extrinsic vs Intrinsic Motivators Daniel Pink, author of Drive, explains that there are two types of motivators: extrinsic and intrinsic. Extrinsic motivators come from the outside the person, such as money, objects, and reputation. Intrinsic motivators come from inside the person, such as autonomy, mastery, and purpose. Most people and organizations think of extrinsic rewards when they try to motivate people. For example, a company might offer monetary bonus if employees perform well, or a parent might offer a nice new toy if a child does well in school. Image Source The thing with extrinsic motivators is that they only work for simple tasks that don’t require creativity. For example, if your employee is a janitor cleaning the office, then giving a higher extrinsic reward can improve performance. But if the task is something challenging that requires creativity and critical thinking, then higher extrinsic rewards actually reduce performance because people get stressed and distracted about losing that extrinsic reward when faced with the challenging task. In our modern society, we have machines to do the simple mechanical tasks, so almost every job requires creativity and overcoming challenges. Therefore, extrinsic motivators aren’t enough. They should still exist, but only as a baseline reward for employees. In order to really motivate people, we need to use intrinsic motivators, with the three main ones being autonomy, mastery, and purpose. 1. Autonomy Autonomy is about giving people the freedom of choice to direct their own lives. Pink explains that organizations should give employees freedom over The Four T's: Tasks – they can choose what they work on Time – they can choose when to work on it Technique – they can choose how to work on it Team – they can choose who to work with Similarly, a parent could set a goal with her child and then give the child freedom over The Four T's. When people have the freedom to choose what they do, when to do it, and how to do it, they do it with more motivation and therefore with better performance. 2. Mastery Mastery is the desire to continuously get better at something that matters to you. For example, top athletes aren’t motivated to practice every day for money. They have enough money. They do it because they care about their sport, so getting better at it is inherently motivating. In fact, if they felt like people thought they play the sport just for money, they would probably lose motivation! When motivating others, we should appeal to their sense of mastery by praising their strengths and explaining how the job will help them sharpen their strengths. For example, a manager might tell an employee, “I noticed you’re very good at marketing. I want you to be in charge of the marketing plan for our next project. I’m confident that you’ll improve your marketing skills even more throughout this project.” The manager can go even further and offer to pay for the employee to attend a marketing workshop on behalf of the company. Notice how the intrinsic motivator of mastery is a lot more motivating than simply saying, “I’ll pay you a nice bonus if you do a good job on the marketing plan.” 3. Purpose Daniel Pink defines purpose as the desire to serve something larger than ourselves. Even boring tasks can have deep purpose behind them. In the book, Think like a Monk, Jay Shetty gives an example of how a hospital’s cleaning staff found purpose in their seemingly boring job. Some cleaning staff at a hospital viewed their job as mundane, while others viewed it as deeply meaningful. It’s the same job, so why did some people find it meaningful while others found it mundane? When interviewed, the employees who found the job to be mundane talked about their cleaning staff duties, such as mopping the floors and cleaning the bathrooms. On the other hand, the employees who found the job meaningful talked about providing company for lonely patients, escorting elderly visitors, and switching pictures on the walls to different rooms to give pleasant surprises to the patients. These were tasks that they took initiative to do, not what was stated in the job description. They thought of themselves as healers and ambassadors rather than custodians. If leaders can communicate purpose to their employees, then employees will be motivated to go above and beyond in their work. That purpose needs to be a strong belief, such as the cleaning staff believing they are healers and ambassadors, not just cleaning staff. Simon Sinek, author of Start with Why, explains “If you hire people just because they can do your job, they’ll work for money. But if you hire people who believe what you believe, they’ll work for you with blood, sweat, and tears.” -Simon Sinek If you’re trying to motivate team members, you have to start by explaining why the task is important and how it is connected to something bigger. For example, let’s say the marketing employee from before also needs to make a budget for the project, and he’s not interested in finance. His sense of mastery is low for the budget. Fortunately, the manager can still use purpose as an intrinsic motivator. The manager can say, “This project’s success is really important for the company. If it goes well, we can improve the usefulness of our product for millions of customers, and we also take care of thousands of employees and their families. We don’t have anyone who is an expert at finance for the project, but I know you are a very capable person, so I’m counting on you to do the budget.” Notice how the manager ties the task to a large and meaningful purpose. He can increase the employee’s motivation even more by adding autonomy over The Four T's and paying for the employee to get training on the task. Conclusion When trying to motivate others, we need to be careful about choosing extrinsic versus intrinsic motivators. Extrinsic motivators are fine for easy tasks that don’t require creativity. But for challenging work that requires creativity, extrinsic motivators should be a baseline reward, not the focus. The focus should be on intrinsic motivators, such as autonomy, mastery, and purpose. We can provide people autonomy by giving them the freedom to choose The Four T’s: Task, Time, Technique, and Team. We can increase people’s mastery by giving them opportunities to build on their strengths. We can increase people’s sense of purpose by explaining how their work is connected to something bigger than themselves.

Introduction We live in an interdependent society, where teamwork is an essential skill. In his book, Teamwork 101, John Maxwell explains that teamwork is important because nothing significant is achieved by a lone person. If you look deeper into seemingly solo acts, you’ll find that there’s always a team behind it. For example, Einstein is a genius and legend that revolutionized the scientific community, and he said, “Many times a day, I realize how much my own outer and inner life is built upon the labors of my fellow men, both living and dead, and how earnestly I must exert myself in order to give in return as much as I have received.” -Einstein Teams have more resources than individuals. Furthermore, different people in a team have different strengths, and when they can bring those strengths together, they can accomplish more than what each individual can do separately. In a bad team, the sum of each part is less than the whole. For example, let’s say we have a team of three, and each person can contribute 10 points to the team. In a bad team, 10 + 10 + 10 = 15. In a great team, the sum of each part is greater than the whole. For example, 10 + 10 + 10 = 50. That's the true meaning of TEAM: Together Everyone Achieves More. Image Source Oddly enough, many of us never learned in school how to work effectively in teams. In this article, we will look at five factors for team success: Communicating rules of engagement Committing to shared goals Connecting on shared values Having diversity Assigning responsibility based on strengths The most important measure of team success is harmony. If a team can work together harmoniously, they will produce great results. These five factors all help you improve team harmony. Factor 1: Communicating Rules of Engagement Rules of engagement are rules about how you will communicate with each other and work together. You should set these rules in your first team meeting. You should ask the team questions such as How will we communicate with each other? (In-person? WeChat? Zoom?) How frequently will we meet? How long will the meetings be? How often should be report our progress to each other? What will we do if there’s disagreement? (Group vote? One person decides?) What happens if someone doesn’t reply to group communication? (Call their phone? Kick them out of the group?) An effective team is open and clear and all these details right at the beginning. An effective team usually neglects these details and then has conflicts about them later. Factor 2: Committing to Shared Goals A successful team will consciously write down or verbally state the goal of the team and make sure everyone agrees to it. This is when people honestly share their level of commitment and motivation towards the team. It’s okay if some people are less committed than others as long as they are open about it so that the more committed people can plan accordingly. An ineffective team usually fails to set shared goals, and then team members have conflicts over how hard people are working. For example, let’s say you are doing a school project with two other people, and you are aiming for a 95% on the project. You can’t just assume the other two people also want the same goal as you. Yet many people don’t share their goal with the team, and then they get upset at their teammates when their teammates don’t work as hard as them. By communicating your goals openly with each other, you can come to an agreement together, which then tells you how hard everyone has to work. You can every agree as a team for certain people to work harder than others because their goal is higher. Agreement leads to harmony, and harmony leads to performance. Factor 3: Connecting on Shared Values In a great team, the team members feel connected to each other. What connects them? Shared values. To give you some examples of shared values, think CORREL: Caring — We will help each other, not judge each other Open-communication — We will tell each other if we need help or have any problems Respect — We will come to meetings on time and take them seriously Responsibility — We will fulfill our promises Excellence — We will do our best Learning — We will focus on improving each other's work, not on being perfect During the first meeting, you should ask each person to share what kind of person they aim to be during the teamwork period. Then look what multiple people say in common. Write down those values and have the team agree on treating each other according to these shared values. Factor 4: Having Diversity A successful team will have people with different strengths and weaknesses. Furthermore, the team members appreciate each others’ different strengths and therefore can work harmoniously together. An ineffective team might have little diversity in strengths and weaknesses. As a result, the team has major weaknesses that no one can cover. Or the team might have different strengths and weaknesses, but they lack harmony, so they end up criticizing each others’ weaknesses rather than leveraging each others’ strengths. Factor 5: Assigning Responsibilities Based on Strengths A successful team will communicate each person’s strengths and weaknesses so that the team can assign responsibilities based on each person’s strengths. For example, Assign creative and imaginative people to lead brainstorming Assign detail-oriented people to do quality checking Assign talkers to articulate and summarize ideas Assign task-focused people to enforce create milestones and enforce deadlines Assign analytical people to do analysis An ineffective team usually has people splitting tasks randomly and then having everyone check everyone’s work, or even worse, not checking at all. Of course, this factor requires each person to know their strengths and weaknesses first. You can use professional personality tests such as DISC and Myers-Briggs to determine people’s objective strengths and weaknesses. Conclusion In this article, we looked at five factors for team success: Communicating rules of engagement Committing to shared goals Connecting on shared values Having diversity Assigning responsibility based on strengths All these factors improve team harmony, which leads to team performance. When we can perform well in teams, we can achieve more than what the individual team members could achieve separately. As Mother Theresa said, “You can do what I cannot do. I can do what you cannot do. Together, we can do great things.” -Mother Theresa

Popularity is when other people like you. Happiness is when you like yourself. —Mike Murdock Commentary: How do we get to like ourselves and not fall prey to always seeking acceptance from others? The key is to know your values. Your values are what kind of person you want to be. For example, I value respect, kindness, giving, and learning. If you're not sure what your values are, then imagine it's your funeral. What do you want people to say about you? When you are clear on your values, then you can live by them. When you live by your values, you are happy with yourself. Furthermore, you can choose to only seek acceptance from people whose values align with yours.

A stumble may prevent a fall. —English Idiom Commentary: Having been a perfectionist, I can certainly recall times where even making a small mistake would give me an uneasy feeling in my stomach. After seeing someone else go through the exact same thing, I was reminded of this idiom. It helped me to reframe small mistakes and be grateful for them. It's lucky when we catch a small mistake that prevented a big problem down the road. After all, we are human, and humans make mistakes. We should celebrate the stumbles since they prevent falls.