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Image Source: Unsplash Once upon a time, three criminals were sent to jail for three years each. The prison guard felt pity for them, so he asked them, “Since you’re going to be here for three years, is there any one thing I can provide you to make your time here better?” The first man asked for cigarettes. The second man asked for a woman. The third man asked for a telephone. The jail guard gave each man what they asked for and then shut their doors. After three years, the prison guard went to open their doors. When the guard opened the door to the first prisoner’s room, the prisoner rushed out saying, “Where’s my lighter? You didn’t give me a lighter!” For those three years, all this prisoner thought about was how he couldn’t smoke his cigarettes. The guard felt sorry for this man’s being a slave to his bad habits. When the guard opened the door to the second prisoner’s room, no one came out, but he heard the sound of crying babies. The prison guard felt ever more pity for this man. Before, he only had himself; but now, he has a family that he cannot take care of, so even more people have to suffer. When the guard opened the door to the third prisoner’s room, the man walked out proudly and said, “Thank you for the phone. I used the phone to keep connected to the outer world. I learned from my wrongdoings, and I will improve. I even made some investments in preparation of my exit.” The guard was very happy for this man.

"How am I complicit in creating the conditions I say I don't want?" —Jerry Colonna Image Source: Unsplash Commentary: We can apply this idea to both matters and people. Towards matters, we should look at how we've dedicated our time and energy. For example, I fell off my usual meditation practice this past week. It's easy for me to push the blame on busy-ness, but ultimately it's my responsibility to choose how I prioritize and spend my time, which I didn't do well. Towards people, we need to realize that our actions speak louder than our words. In this short excerpt from Knowing Where to Look, author Light Watkins gives some great examples: We are always teaching others how to treat us. If we are easily reactive, we teach people to sugarcoat the truth. If we routinely gossip about our friends, we teach others to question our loyalty. If we refuse to spread rumors, we teach people to trust that we will stand up for them too... If we consistently over-give, we teach others to take us for granted. If we give thoughtfully and in accordance to need, we teach people to appreciate our efforts... Every interaction is a teachable moment. What lessons will you teach today? Action: If you're unhappy about something or someone, ask yourself, "How am I complicit in creating the conditions I say I don't want?"

Carefulness is an extremely important virtue, and it is not talked about enough.

Image Source One night, a couple went to bed. Shortly after they went to bed, the man remembered he had to make an important call to a client. He got up, went to the closet, and changed into a suit. He then called the client and spoke in a very formal business manner. After the call, he went back to the closet, changed back into his pajamas, and went back to bed. His wife watched him the whole time and asked him, “Did you hit your head or something? Why did you change into a suit if you’re just making a phone call? He can’t even see you!” The husband replied, “Even though he can’t see me, he can definitely feel my attitude through my voice over the phone. I know my attitude is different when I’m in my work suit versus pajamas. So even if he can’t see me, I wear the suit to bring out my professional attitude.”

I've heard of the virtues of water from the Dao De Jing, which mentioned humility and benevolence. He said, "Water has so many virtues. For example, water has great aspiration." I decided to study the virtues of water as a way to commemorate this event. Lao Zi didn't talk about waterfalls specifically, but Venerable Cheng De was able to see the virtue of What virtues of water inspire you? Are there any virtues I missed? Let me know!

We have to cultivate and train our virtues and emotional self-regulation. To give an analogy, If a person's immune system is strong, external viruses cannot hurt them.

He was famous for his great virtues, including good temper, humility, righteousness, and frugality. In his will, Wang told his children, “Our family’s prosperity is from virtues. I think Wang's legendary good temper comes from two virtues: reciprocity and humility.

Image Source: Unsplash Fan Zhong Yan (范仲淹) was a famous duke in the Song Dynasty. He named his eldest son Fan Chun Ren (范纯仁), which literally means “pure benevolence”. From a young age, the son strived to live true to the name his father gave him. One time, his father asked him to transport 500 pecks of grain from the capital city back to their hometown in Jiangsu via boat. During his trip, he encountered his father’s long-time good friend. While catching up, the man told him about his family situation. His daughter still had not married yet, and the family’s living situation is quite tough. Furthermore, his parents recently died, and he doesn’t have the money to give them a proper funeral. After hearing this, Fan Chun Ren immediately decided to go sell the 500 pecks of grain and give the money to his father’s friend. The friend was very grateful, but it was still not enough for his needs. Fan Chun Ren wanted to help thoroughly, so he then sold the boat. After that, the money was enough. After this event, Fan Chun Ren returned to the capital city and sat down with his father to report on his journey. He described how he had encountered his father’s long-time friend mid-journey, and how that friend’s economic situation was tough, and he didn’t have the money to give his recently passed parents a proper funeral. He explained how he sold the 500 pecks of grains, but the money still wasn’t enough. At that point, the father said, “Well then, you should have sold the boat!” The son replied, “Father, I did sell the boat.” They both smiled at their unspoken connection. The son had indeed lived true to his name.

During the Ming Dynasty (about 500 years ago) in ancient China, there was a high government official named Wen Zhen Xu (徐文貞). Xu was known for his humility and consideration. Specifically, he was able to admit his own faults (humility) and conceal the faults of others (consideration). Source Xu’s Humility One year, Xu served as the Chief Examiner of his province, and he was in charge of making the exam papers and hosting the exam. (For context, in ancient China, scholars had to pass different levels of imperial examinations in order to gain government positions, which were equated with wealth and prestige. You can think of it as if he were in charge of conducting a very important round of interviews for important government jobs.) During that exam, there was a student who noticed a mistake in the exam. He was very nervous about pointing out the mistake because he might offend the examiner (Xu) and indirectly offend the Emperor who chose the examiner. But he took the courage to go up to Xu and tell him the mistake in the exam. When Xu heard this, not only was he not defensive or critical, but he immediately checked the related book and verified the mistake to be true. Then he admitted his mistake, apologized, and said he learned an important lesson today. To be able to admit his mistakes publicly in such a high-ranking position requires great courage and humility, and the public admired him for that. Xu’s Consideration for Others When Xu retired and returned to his hometown, he hosted a big banquet and invited family, neighbors, and fellow villagers. There was a guest who saw that Xu had a golden cup, and he wanted to steal it. This guest hid the golden cup in his hat. Xu happened to see him stealing the cup, but he didn’t call him out. Instead, he concealed that person’s wrongdoing because he felt that human sentiment is more important than material possessions. When the meal was over, a servant who was cleaning up couldn’t find the golden cup. Xu saw this servant searching and told him to not worry about it because he already put the golden cup away. In reality, he didn’t want to embarrass the guest who stole the cup. Unfortunately, that guest didn’t control himself and got drunk. When he was walking, he stumbled and fell down. When he fell down, his hat came off and the golden cup rolled out. When Xu saw this, he immediately turned around and pretended like he didn’t see the cup. He also told his servant to go put that cup back into the person’s hat. Everyone realized how kind and considerate Xu was to conceal this person’s wrongdoing rather than publicly shame him. Commentary The Guide to a Happy Life said, “If I get angry when hearing criticisms and happy when hearing praise, then bad people will come and good people will leave. If I am uneasy when hearing praise and happy when hearing criticisms, then good people will come.” Xu did this when a student pointed out his mistake on that very important examination event. The Guide to a Happy Life also said, “Whatever I impose on others, first ask if I want to be treated that way. If not, then don’t do it to others.” Everyone makes mistakes in life, and nobody likes to be publicly shamed. That’s why Xu concealed that guests’ fault rather than publicly shame him. He showed that valuing human sentiment is more important than material possessions. We can all learn from Xu’s great role modeling of humility and consideration.

Image Source: Unsplash During the Warring States Period in China’s history, the Country of Zhao had a famous general named Zhao She (赵奢). Zhao She once defeated an invasion from the Country of Qin despite having a much smaller army. As a result of his accomplishments, King Zhao promoted him to a High Officer position. Zhao She had a son named Zhao Kuo (赵括), who from a very young age loved reading books on military affairs and strategy. He could recite military books by heart, and when discussing warfare with others, he was able to win debates even against his father. Hence, Zhao Kuo became increasingly arrogant. Zhao She become worried about his son because he knew that his son’s knowledge was just that: knowledge. Sure, he was great at theorizing on paper, but he lacked practical experience, so he should not be so confident. Zhao She even said, “In the future, our country must not use him as our general, for if he was put in charge, he would surely lead our army to defeat.” In 259 BC, the Country of Qin led another invasion on the Country of Zhao. At that time, Zhao She had already passed away, and Lian Po (廉颇) was in charge of commanding the Zhao army. Though Lian Po was old, he was a wise and experienced general. Under his leadership, the Qin army had no way of victory. The country of Qin knew that time was running out for their army, but they had heard rumours about Zhao Kuo’s arrogance and lack of real battle field experience. Hence, they sent people to the country of Zhao to spread rumors that “Qin’s General is most afraid of Zhao She’s son, Zhao Kuo.” These rumors soon reached King Zhao, who was deceived into believing them. King Zhao then ordered for Zhao Kuo to replace Lian Po in leading the country’s army. Zhao Kuo was still very arrogant in his abilities, and he decided to completely change the combat plan from Lian Po. As a result, over 400,000 of his soldiers were wiped out, and Zhao Kuo himself was killed by Qin’s general.

If a woman who abandons her livelihood and a man who neglects cultivating his virtue do not become burglars

Image Source: Unsplash During the Spring Autumn period in China, the Country of Jin had a minister named Zhao Xuan Zi (赵宣子). The king at that time was Jin Ling Gong (晋灵公), who was still young, immature, and disobedient. King Jin did not take good care of the country’s citizens. Zhao was a caring and loyal minister who often admonished King Jin with directness and honesty. King Jin got upset and decided to send an assassin named Chu Ni (鉏麑), who was a highly skilled fighter, to kill Zhao in secret. Chu went to Zhao’s home before dawn, planning to kill him in his sleep. He sneaked into his house, and when he went to Zhao’s room, he noticed the room door was already wide open. He peeked inside and saw that Zhao was already up, dressed extremely respectfully, sitting elegantly in front of his table. At a glance, Chu understood that Zhao had gotten up extremely early to prepare state affairs for the imperial meeting later. Since he was already ready, Zhao sat there resting with his eyes closed. Zhao’s dignified and awe-inspiring manner moved Chu deeply, and he couldn’t bear to assassinate him. He retreated outside the house. He thought about the situation and said to himself, “If Zhao Xuan Zi is so respectful and dignified even when no one is around, then he must deal with all people and matters with the utmost respect, humility, and carefulness. To have such a person as our minister is a blessing for the country. How can I kill this man? To do some would be unfaithful to my country.” But since King Jin personally ordered Chu to assassinate Zhao, if Chu returned without completing the task, then he would surely be punished for not keeping his word to the king. He would rather have control over his death than be killed by the King. Hence, Chu banged his head against a tree and killed himself.