"How am I complicit in creating the conditions I say I don't want?"
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We can apply this idea to both matters and people.
Towards matters, we should look at how we've dedicated our time and energy. For example, I fell off my usual meditation practice this past week. It's easy for me to push the blame on busy-ness, but ultimately it's my responsibility to choose how I prioritize and spend my time, which I didn't do well.
Towards people, we need to realize that our actions speak louder than our words. In this short excerpt from Knowing Where to Look, author Light Watkins gives some great examples:
We are always teaching others how to treat us.
If we are easily reactive, we teach people to sugarcoat the truth.
If we routinely gossip about our friends, we teach others to question our loyalty.
If we refuse to spread rumors, we teach people to trust that we will stand up for them too...
If we consistently over-give, we teach others to take us for granted.
If we give thoughtfully and in accordance to need, we teach people to appreciate our efforts...
Every interaction is a teachable moment. What lessons will you teach today?
If you're unhappy about something or someone, ask yourself, "How am I complicit in creating the conditions I say I don't want?"