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Albert is a farmer, and his chickens lay many eggs every day. He cannot eat them all, so he decides to offer two eggs to his neighbor Ben every day. Ben likes eggs, and he is very happy and thankful towards Albert. As time goes on, Ben eventually becomes used to receiving two eggs from Albert every day, and he expects it just like he expects the sun to rise in the morning.   One day, Albert was talking to his other neighbor, Chris, and he found out that Chris also loves eggs. As a result, Albert decided to offer one egg to Chris and the other egg to Ben every day. Chris was very thankful to Albert, but Ben became very upset. Image Source: ChatGPT What do you think will happen next in this story? If you were Albert, what would you do? … Most people would probably agree that Ben is in the wrong. After all, the eggs belong to Albert, so naturally, he has the right to give the eggs away in whatever way he wants. Ben was never entitled to Albert's eggs, so he has no right to be upset if Albert stops giving eggs to him. If Ben is so unappreciative, then Albert may very well stop giving eggs to Ben altogether as a way to teach him a lesson. From this simple example, we can see the harmful nature of entitlement.   But perhaps the most problematic aspect of entitlement is that it creeps up on us without us even realizing it. For example, how many of us frequently feel grateful for our family members? Oftentimes, if a stranger, friend, or colleague does something nice for us, we feel so touched, yet when our family members do things for us day in and day out, we don't feel it's anything special. Why? One factor is because our family members give to us all the time, such that we've become accustomed to it, while friends and colleagues might help us only once in a while, so we take big notice of it. Although this is a common phenomenon among people, that doesn't mean it's good.   When people don't feel appreciated, they will stop wanting to give. The opposite is also true: if we frequently express our gratitude through our words and actions, then people would be happy to give more. Thus, gratitude attracts more, while entitlement attracts loss. What we have to be cognizant of is the fact that if we don't consciously cultivate our gratitude, then entitlement will creep up on us.   In the story, if Ben had consciously practiced gratitude, then he wouldn't have caused conflict with Albert later. This practice of gratitude isn't merely saying "thank you" each time Albert gives him eggs. If he truly holds the intention of gratitude, he would try to find ways to give back to Albert. Perhaps he might give small gifts once in a way or do some nice things for Albert. Albert would then feel that Ben is very appreciative towards him, and they would both feel motivated to give each other more.   Moreover, rather than getting angry, Ben should really reflect on himself, " Really, why would Albert give me less eggs than before and start giving some of those eggs to Chris? Did I do something wrong? How is Chris better than me? " If he humbly reflected on himself, he might realize that he wasn't appreciative enough towards Albert, and that perhaps Chris treats Albert quite well, so it's only natural that Albert wants to give back to Chris. The same is true for us if people stop giving us what they used to give to us.   Image Source: Unsplash Another question worth discussing is why exactly Ben got angry. Is he truly angry over a couple eggs? Or is there something deeper? … If we think about fights we've had with our family members, a lot of the time, it's about small matters. But is the fight really about the matter? Even if that matter gets resolved, later another problem pops up. Ultimately, the root of the conflict is not the matter, but rather the people's attitude towards each other, specifically their lack of respect and consideration towards each other. Because Albert gave two eggs to Ben every day for quite a while, Ben believed that Albert would continue to do so. When Albert suddenly stopped, Ben might've thought, " What! Why didn't you tell me beforehand that you would stop giving me two eggs? If I knew beforehand, I could've had some time to prepare. How could you be so inconsiderate towards me! "   Although Ben is still in the wrong, and he really doesn't have a right to be upset at Albert, we can't deny that many people in Ben's situation would have thoughts like that.   That raises another question: How could Albert have prevented this conflict?  ….   Although it's very noble to practice kindness and giving, compassion must be balanced with wisdom. Wise people aren't just logical, they are also emotionally astute. We need to understand that it's human nature for people to get used to things rather quickly, and that means most people will start taking things for granted if they receive it all the time. It's also human nature to hate sudden changes and to lose what we previously had.   If Albert had been more emotionally sensitive, he could've foreshadowed the change and implemented it more gradually. For example, he could mention to Ben in passing, " Chris told me the other day that he really loves eggs, but his chickens don't lay enough. Everyone has their own problems, huh? "   And then later, he could say, "Chris helped me fix my broken tool. I'd like to give him some eggs in return."   If we give to others and notice that they seem to take our giving for granted, then it's important to not grow their entitlement. We should let them understand that it's not easy to obtain this and that it's important to have gratitude.   If it's awkward for us to tell them to be grateful to us, we can ask a third party to help communicate the message. For example, Albert could get a mutual friend to chat with Ben and mention in passing, " Wow, you're so lucky that Albert gives you eggs every day! Have you given him anything in return? " Another example is in a family, the father tells the child to appreciate the mother, while the mother tells the child to appreciate the father.   We could also find an excuse to stop giving temporarily, and when the other person loses what they had for a while, they might start appreciating it more. For example, if Albert had family over for a week and didn't have any extra eggs to give to Ben as a result, Ben might start to notice that he took Albert's giving for granted. Once the other person has an attitude of gratitude again, we can resume giving.   My Experience Before I started learning ancient philosophies, I had never placed much importance on gratitude. I also complained a lot, which meant I was often unhappy. Later, I read a quote from Seneca that really resonates with me: "No person has the power to have everything they want, but it is in their power to not want what they don't have, and to cheerfully put to good use what they do have."   I realized that I often focus on what I don't have or what's not going well in life, and as a result, I'm blind to all the things I do have and all the good things that I could be grateful and happy for. Hence, I decided to try keeping a gratitude journal to see if it would boost my happiness. Slowly over time, I felt like my gratitude muscle got stronger, and I indeed felt happier in life. Image Source: Unsplash At the beginning, I would practice being grateful for simple and small things in daily life, such as having a house to live in, a bed to sleep in, enough food to eat, access to public transportation, etc. All these are things that I've gotten used to and taken for granted, but when I consciously expressed gratitude for them, I started feeling happier.   I also learned from Confucianism that the root of all our relationship problems lies in our relationships with parents. Parents gave the most to us, so it's only natural to be grateful for our parents, and when we are grateful to someone, we would naturally be respectful and kind to them. However, so many of us get used to our parents and family members' giving that we take them for granted, and we become rather demanding and impatient towards them.   So I also tried practicing gratitude when I got into conflict with family members and other people. Although I was upset, I tried to remind myself of all that they have done for me in the past, and to focus on their kindness rather than faults. This would help me calm down and be willing to apologize because I care more about the relationship than about the matter. This takes practice, and I'm still practicing, but slowly, we become better at it. When we have good relationships, we will have much more happiness in life.   Conclusion What do you take for granted that you could express more appreciation for? How can you better balance kindness with wisdom? Weekly Wisdom #341

Su Dongpo (蘇東坡) was a talented and famous author and poet during the Song Dynasty (about a thousand years ago) in China's history. He had a friend who was a high accomplished monk named Master Fo Yin (佛印). One time, while he was in Huangzhou, Su Dongpo had a burst of inspiration and wrote the following poem:   I bow to the Buddha, Whose light of wisdom, Shines on us all. Sitting on my golden lotus, Even the eight winds, Cannot move me at all.   (Original text: 稽首天中天，毫光照大千；八風吹不動，端坐紫金蓮。The original text is a poem, so I did my best to make the translation poetic.)   After writing it, Su Dongpo felt quite pleased. Not only did he praise the Buddha poetically, he also subtly hinted at his own transcendence, saying that the "eight winds" cannot move him.   Su Dongpo then sealed the poem in an envelope and had a messenger send it to Master Foyin across the river at Jinshan Temple. He believed Master Foyin would surely praise his poem greatly. Image Source However, when Master Foyin read the poem, he wrote “ Fart ” at the bottom of it and sent it back with the messenger.   When Su Dongpo saw the word “ Fart ,” he immediately became furious and shouted, “ How outrageous! ” He stormed off to Jinshan Temple to confront Master Foyin, but when he arrived, he found that Master Foyin had already ordered that no guests would be seen today.   Su Dongpo, even angrier, ignored this and was about to push open the door when he saw a note on the door, which read:   The eight winds cannot move you, Yet one fart blew you across the river? Image Source Upon reading this, Su Dongpo realized his mistake and was deeply humbled.   Commentary In Buddhism, the " eight winds " refer to four common favorable and unfavorable circumstances: gains and losses, praise and insult, good and bad reputation, joy and suffering. Buddhism teaches us to cultivate the mind so that whenever we encounter any of these eight winds, our mind and emotions remain unmoved and undisturbed. This is what Su Dongpo meant by " the eight winds cannot move me. " Image Source This story teaches us to be vigilant in guarding against pride. Obviously, no one likes people who are arrogant and full of themselves. People who are overconfident in themselves are also more likely to take risks that they really shouldn't because they overestimate themselves, thereby attracting danger.   Moreover, when we think highly of ourselves, we might boast about ourselves towards others, as was the case with Su Dongpo. This is also very dangerous. Why? Because people will have extremely high expectations towards us. Later, when people observe us, they'll notice that we can't actually walk our talk, and then slander will come. Thus, a person with true cultivation and wisdom wouldn't boast about oneself to others.   As Ezra Taft Benson said, "With pride, there are many curses. With humility, there come many blessings."   My mentor also said to me before, "If you think you're really something, then you're really nothing."   In other words, if you think you're really good, then you're no longer good. If you think you're worthy, then you're not really worthy. Those who become proud and conceited after success and gains will soon meet their downfall. Only those who remain humble and cautious in the face of success and gains can avoid danger and maintain their success.   Su Dongpo is actually quite fortunate to have a great and wise friend like Master Foyin who not only saw his problem but was also willing to point it out and nip it in the bud before his pride developed further. This also shows that Su Dongpo must have had a sufficient amount of humility, as well as trust and respect for Master Foyin, or else Master Foyin wouldn't have bothered to criticize him.   Even more admirable was Master Foyin's skillful way of guiding Su Dongpo to realize his own mistake without even needing to tell him in person. Advising others on their shortcomings is something we all need to do in life, so we should all learn from Master Foyin's spirit.   Finally, to attain the level of being unaffected by the eight winds is no easy task, but it is a worthwhile pursuit. Currently, I'm helping some students prepare for their IELTS test (an English proficiency test), and some of them are rather frustrated. Emotions are contagious, so either their negativity will overcome my calm, or my calm will overcome their negativity. It's a daily battle.   Moreover, whether or not they pass their test will inevitably be linked to me, and I mustn't become proud if they pass or dejected if they don't. If they pass, that's mainly due to their abilities and hard work; I'm merely a supporting factor. For the same reason, if they don't pass, I mustn't lose self-confidence, but I should encourage them to keep on studying and try again in the future.   Conclusion The eight winds are not to be underestimated, and if we want to maintain success, we must be vigilant against pride and be thankful for those who point out our faults. Weekly Wisdom #340

Master Foyin (佛印) was a renowned Zen monk of high cultivation during the Song dynasty of China's history (about a thousand years ago). One time, he was teaching his friend Su Dongpo (蘇東坡), who was a famous author and poet at the time, how to do Zen meditation, which involves sitting in silence and emptying the mind of all wandering thoughts. Su Dongpo happily sat across from Master Foyin and started to do Zen meditation. Image Source: ChatGPT After a while, Su Dongpo asked Master Foyin, “What do you think I looked like while I was meditating?”   Master Foyin calmly replied, “You looked like a Buddha.”   Su Dongpo felt quite pleased with this answer, and noticing that Master Foyin was a bit overweight, he decided to make a joke. “Do you know what you looked like to me?"   Master Foyin quietly asked, “What?”   Su Dongpo chuckled and teasingly replied, “Like a pile of cow dung!”   After saying this, Su Dongpo looked at Master Foyin, but saw that the master remained unmoved, sitting calmly with his eyes closed. As a result, Su Dongpo felt a bit unsettled.   When Su Dongpo returned home, he proudly told his younger sister about the incident. To his surprise, his sister replied, "How could someone of your abilities practice Zen? Don't you know that the essence of  Zen is to cultivate the mind? What's in your mind will be what you see. Master Foyin said you look like a Buddha, which means his mind has the Buddha in it. You said Master Foyin looks like cow dung, just think about what your mind has in it!"   After hearing this, Su Dongpo suddenly realized his fault and felt deeply ashamed.   Commentary This story reminds me of another story about Venerable Jing Kong, who is a contemporary renowned monk. One  time, Venerable Jing Kong's secretary brought a pile of letters and said, "These are all letters full of criticism and slander towards you."   Venerable Jing Kong replied, "That's fine. I don't need to read to them. You can throw them away." Image Source: ChatGPT The secretary replied, "What? You're not going to read them? Why?" Venerable Jing Kong replied, "Why should I read them? One of the dumbest things we can do is to take other people's garbage and put it in our pristine mind. I only put other people's goodness in my mind."   Both these stories remind me of a quote by Stoic emperor Marcus Aurelius: "The things you think about determine the quality of your mind. Your soul takes on the color of your thoughts."   Our thoughts and what we put in our mind determine how we feel, what we do, and ultimately our actions and results. When we hold negative thoughts and emotions in our minds, we immediately suffer direct damage, and those around us suffer collateral damage. The longer we let these negative thoughts continue, the greater their impact.   Moreover, if we hold negative thoughts about others, that will lead to a negative loop cycle. Because we think negatively about them, we'll treat them in a more negative way, which then makes them respond to us in a more negative manner, and that reinforces our negative beliefs about them. Thus, we see how insidious negative thoughts and beliefs are, as well as why Venerable Jing Kong refused to taint his mind with other people's faults. This doesn't mean he isn't aware of other people's faults, but rather he refuses to let those thoughts stay in his mind when they don't need to be there, and he chooses to focus on other people's good points instead, which would create a positive reinforcement cycle.   Ultimately, the importance of cultivating our mind and thoughts cannot be stressed enough. Unfortunately, so many people neglect this and instead seek happiness from external circumstances or people, which leads to frustration and disappointment.   My Experience Recently, I've been teaching some students English as they prepare for the IELTS test (an English proficiency test). Some students are quite frustrated with learning English because they feel it is too difficult to get their target score in a short time frame. While it's certainly understandable that most people would feel frustrated in such a situation, a true philosopher and self-cultivator wouldn't blame their feelings on external circumstances. If we ourselves do not have impatience and unreasonable expectations, then we wouldn't feel frustrated. Thus, we see and experience what we hold in our mind.   Of course, this is much easier said than done, and I'm certainly not looking down on people who blame their negative emotions on external circumstances. Rather, I hope to encourage everyone to overcome this troublesome habit. I am working towards this goal as well.   For example, I recently caught myself criticizing a student because she kept complaining about how it's so hard and frustrating to remember English vocabulary. After hearing her complain many times, I finally told her, "OK, I really don't understand why it's so hard for you to remember vocabulary. How about I observe you do your vocabulary study and see if I can find any issues?"   I then observed her, and I found many issues. Moreover, I told all the students before to not do those things and to do other things instead, but she didn't follow my instructions. However, it isn't that she doesn't want to listen, it's that she encountered difficulties and didn't know how to overcome them, so she just continued using her own way. I then blamed her and said, "I said before that if I give you guys a method and you try it but don't get a good result, you should tell me, and then we can troubleshoot. Why didn't you ask me to come observe you earlier? You need to be more proactive." She said sorry. Later, I reflected on my attitude and realized it's not right for me to feel annoyed and blame her. If I had more kindness and humility in my mind, as opposed to impatience and defensiveness, then I wouldn't have viewed her as the problem. Instead, I would've blamed myself and said, "I'm sorry I didn't communicate better before and didn't check on you earlier." That would've been much more comforting and motivating, which would lead to better results and a better relationship than blaming and criticizing.   Conclusion We see what we are. What we hold in our mind influences how we see external circumstances and other people. If we truly want to solve our problems from the root, we have to reflect on our thoughts and what we hold in our mind. Weekly Wisdom #339

At the end of the Shang Dynasty (about 3000 years ago) in China's history, the State of Yu (虞) and the State of Rui (芮) were neighbours. They had peaceful relations for many years, but with the succession of new rulers, eventually, a conflict broke out regarding a piece of land at the border of the two states. This piece of land was about ten li  (5 kilometres) in area, and it was full of lush forest and fertile soil. Both state rulers wanted to claim it, and they both searched for evidence to prove that the land belonged to them. The dispute dragged on for many years without resolution.   One day, a merchant from the State of Yu returned from the State of Zhou  (周) , and he told the two state rulers: " I recently returned from the State of Zhou, and its ruler,   Lord Jichang (姬昌) , is widely respected for his fairness and virtue. The citizens happily follow his governance. If both lords are willing, I suggest you visit him and ask him to mediate this dispute. "   The rulers of Yu and Rui agreed and set out for the State of Zhou. As they traveled into Zhou territory, they noticed that the sky seemed bluer, the waters clearer, the mountains greener, and even the chirping of birds more pleasant. At first, they thought it was just the novelty of arriving in a new place, but as their journey continued, they became increasingly impressed by what they observed.   While passing by some farmland, they noticed two farmers arguing. One farmer said: "Friend, if you plow a bit more of this land, you could grow more crops. Why leave such a wide boundary path?”   The other farmer, annoyed, replied: “My dear friend, you’re too fussy! I told you long ago: that land is yours. How could I plant crops on your land?” Image Source The rulers of Yu and Rui were quite astonished to see these two farmers insisting on giving rather than taking.   As they continued on their journey, they saw pedestrians politely making way for each other; no one walked down the middle of the path. Moreover, young people helped elders to carry things.   Suddenly, they saw a young man run into a kid, causing the kid to fall over. The young man immediately said, "I'm so sorry for running into you. Are you OK? Let me carry you home. It's my fault."   The boy quickly got up by himself and said, "It's OK, don't worry, I can get home by myself."   The two rulers were quite shocked at how polite and considerate these citizens of Zhou were, and they felt ashamed when they thought of their own citizens in comparison. Image Source When they arrived in the capital city of the state of Zhou, it was already late in the evening, so they found an inn to stay at for the night. Before going to sleep, they went to lock the door, but strangely, they couldn't find the door bolt. They then asked the innkeeper, who told them: "We don't have a door bolt. The people here are very civilized and honest; no one would steal your things, so no one locks their doors at night."   The rulers were shocked. The next morning, as they left the inn, they heard a woman on the road shouting, "Who dropped this?" It was a very expensive item, and she stayed there waiting for the owner to return.   When they arrived at the royal court, they saw the court officials conducting their duties proactively and in an orderly manner. Everyone was courteous, humble, and yielding, letting others go first.   Image Source At this point, the rulers of Yu and Rui felt too ashamed of themselves to request a meeting with the ruler of Zhou. They looked at each other and said: “We are rulers, yet we are not even as virtuous as the common folk here! Our argument would be seen as a disgrace here in the state of Zhou. Let's not embarrass ourselves in front of Lord Jichang."   After returning to their own states, the rulers of Yu and Rui both made concessions and tried to yield the land to each other. In the end, neither of them occupied that land, and that piece of land still exists today. By yielding, not only did they gain harmony, but the story of their land-yielding has been passed down for thousands of years.   Commentary Have you ever wanted someone else to change, but they refused? Perhaps you asked them to be more considerate, respectful, patient, or careful, but they didn’t take your advice to heart. Why is that? One possible reason is that we haven't set a good example ourselves, so they'll think, "You're no better than me. What right do you have to demand better of me?"   If we truly want others to have lasting change, we have to inspire them, not demand or force them to change. When people feel inspired and impressed by a role model, they will be self-motivated to change. For example, there weren't any laws in the state of Zhou demanding citizens to yield land to their neighbors, but the citizens were naturally self-motivated to be highly civilized, and this was a result of Lord Jichang's great role modeling.   On the other hand, if we force others to change by using threats and punishments, yet we ourselves to don't role model that good behavior, then others might comply temporarily because we have more power over them, but as they accumulate resentment, they will eventually rebel. In other words, people's good behavior don't arise because we demand it out of them, but rather because they are inspired and touched by good role models.   Every human being has a conscience, but that conscience might get clouded by selfishness. However, seeing a moral role model can bring out others' inner conscience, making them feel a sense of shame for their immoral behavior. That feeling of "I shouldn't do that; I should be better" is an inner motivation to change, and inner motivation is long-lasting. This was what happened in the story with the rulers of Yu and Rui.   An important point to note is that we need to have the right intention when we role model good behavior. We do the right thing simply because it is the right thing to do, not because we want others to emulate us. If we have any demands towards others, then we would became impatient if they don't change promptly. If we start criticizing them as a result, then they'll think,  "So you are only putting on an act to demand things from me. You're not actually sincere in your good behavior."  As a result, they'll lose respect for us and oppose us.   As Confucius said, "If a leader has good role modeling, then people will carry out their duties without being ordered. If the leader does not have good role modeling, then people will not obey despite being ordered."  (Original text: "子曰：其身正，不令而行；其身不正，雖令不從。")   This isn't to say that rules and punishments are unnecessary, but rather that rules and punishments alone aren't enough to create long-lasting change in others. Additionally, we need to build trust with others, which can be done by having their best intentions in mind and helping them feel understood.   Concluding Thoughts Do you wish for the people around you to be different in any way? Do you role model that behavior for them? Weekly Wisdom #338

Once there was a young American man who was so poor that he couldn’t even afford to buy a suit. However, he persisted in chasing his dream of becoming an actor, filmmaker, and celebrity.    At the time, Hollywood had 500 movie companies. He created a route and planned in what order he’d visit each company to propose his manuscript to them. He then visited each company one by one.    After the first round of visits, all 500 companies rejected him. Despite this, he did not get disheartened. He started all over again from the first company and did a second round.  Again, he received 500 rejections. He then tried a third round, but the result was the same. He grit his teeth and went for a fourth round.    This time, the 349th company agreed to review his manuscript in more detail. A few days later, the company called him to discuss the movie in further detail. It was in this discussion that the company decided to invest in this movie and give this young man the lead actor role.    This movie is called Rocky , and the young man’s name is Sylvester Stallone.   Image Source: ChatGPT Do you have the courage to meet 1849 rejections? Have you experienced 1849 rejections? If not, don’t ask why good luck hasn’t come yet.    (Source: Harvard Family Education )   Commentary Everyone would probably agree that persistence is key to success. However, persistence alone isn't enough. Stallone "failed" over a thousand times, but he eventually succeeded, and I think that's because he reflected on his past failures and improved as a result. In other words, persistence only leads to success if we learn from our past failures.   Another important question that comes to mind is, "Why was Stallone able to persist for so long? What was his motivation?"   There are many sources of motivation, and I often think of four mentioned by Jay Shetty in his book Think Like a Monk : fear, desire, duty, and love. The story above mentioned that becoming an actor, filmmaker, and celebrity was Stallone's dream. In other words, he has a strong love and passion for acting and filmmaking.    Other people might be motivated by the fear of not having enough money to pay the bills, or a strong desire to gain something, or a sense of duty. Although we might not share the same passion as Stallone, we should reflect on what we do and our level of motivation. The stronger our motivation, the more we are able to persist in the face of difficulties, which are inevitable on the path to success.   Concluding Thoughts What are some important lessons you've learned from past failures? What motivates you to keep going after failures? Weekly Wisdom #337

Peter has known his friend Albert for many years. One day, Albert told him an unforgettable story. He said: I used to be the type of person who always complained about everything, so I was never happy. But during the Spring of 1934 when I was walking along Dove Street in the village of Westbury, I saw something that eliminated all my negativity. This event lasted less than 10 seconds, but I learned more in those 10 seconds than in my past 10 years.    You see, I had opened a small department store in Westbury, but after 2 years, not only did it drain all my savings, it even made me accumulate debt. Ultimately, I had to close the store down.    I was walking to the bank, planning to ask for a loan, after which I would return to my hometown to find a job. I was dejected and lifeless because I had already lost my sense of confidence and willpower.    Suddenly, I saw a person without feet coming my way. He sat on a wooden board with wheels attached. Each of his hands held a wooden stick to help him move. I just happened to see him as he was crossing the street, and he just happened to glance my way, and our gaze met for a brief moment. He smiled at me and said, “Good morning! Good weather today, isn’t it?”   Image Source: ChatGPT The sound of his voice was full of infectious joy and spirit. He didn’t seem like a disabled person at all.    When I stood there and looked at him, I thought about how fortunate I am. I have two legs, and I can walk. But compared to his self-confident gaze, I felt like I’m the disabled one. I told myself, “If he can be happy despite not having feet, there’s no reason why I can’t be happy with my two legs.”   I suddenly felt like a dark cloud had been lifted. I originally planned to borrow 100 dollars from the bank, but then I had the courage to ask for 200 dollars. I originally planned to return to my hometown and ask someone to help me find any job, but then I had the confidence to go to Kansas City and find a good job. In the end, I succeeded in getting that loan and finding a good job.    Later, I used two lines to write down this experience and put it on my bathroom mirror so that I can read it every day while I shave. The two lines are: “I was depressed because I had no shoes…until I met someone with no legs!”   (Story Source: Harvard Family Education)   Commentary Stoic philosopher Epictetus said, "It isn't events themselves that disturb people, but only their judgments about them."   Another Stoic philosopher, Seneca, said, “A man is as unhappy as he has convinced himself he is.”   In other words, events aren't inherently good or bad, but we judge them to be so, and that judgment determines our level of happiness or lack thereof. Albert was initially depressed at his circumstances, but after encountering someone responding positively to a much worse circumstance, he was inspired to view his circumstances more positively, gaining gratitude and confidence in himself. That positive outlook was key to him creating a brighter future for himself.   When we face difficult and depressing situations, we can remind ourselves that we don't have  to get upset. Ultimately, we are in control of our feelings. If a person with no feet can remain positive and confident, then there's no reason we can't do the same in our circumstances. It just takes conscious effort and practice.   Recently, I accidentally spilled water over my laptop. I was quite upset because I really like my laptop. I've been using it for 7 years, and it was still going strong. If I didn't spill water on it, I believe I could easily continue using it for years. I was quite frustrated at myself for making such a dumb and costly mistake.   Getting upset in that moment is normal. But staying upset for a long time afterwards is unhelpful and harmful for my emotional health. So, rather than sinking into negative emotions, I reminded myself of Dr. Zimmerman's "positive but" strategy.   I told myself things such as:  "Although it sucks that I accidentally spilled water on my laptop, BUT at least I can afford a new laptop." "Although not having a laptop prevents me from making lesson PPTs for my teaching work, BUT I don't have to have a PPT to teach lessons. I can manage with just a blackboard. Or I can borrow someone else's laptop." "Although not having a laptop might mean I might actually miss a week of Weekly Wisdom, BUT it's not the end of the world. I can post later and explain that my laptop broke." (In the end, I still managed to post on time) "Although it sucks that I accidentally spilled water on my laptop, BUT I'm glad that after soaking it in rice, I can still sort of use it until my new laptop arrives." "Although I wouldn't prefer to buy a new laptop, BUT I'm very grateful that a peer helped me find a really good deal for a second hand laptop. If my laptop had broken at a different time, I wouldn't have been able to find such a good deal on a new laptop."   Reframing my situation and focusing on the silver lining helped me stay calm, and since I was calm, I didn't rush to buy a new computer. This allowed me to have a chance encounter with a peer who then offered to help me find a great deal. By staying calm, we attract a better future. This is the usefulness of philosophy. It's free, accessible to all, and effective at helping us regulate our emotions.   We all face difficulties and setbacks in life. When this happens, are we able to regulate our negative emotions? Such an ability is a key factor to how our future will turn out. Weekly Wisdom #336

In a small village in Mexico lies a big old clock hanging on the wall of a large church. Beside this church is a small plaza.   One day, an American tourist visited this plaza. He forgot his watch, and he didn’t see the big clock on the church wall. This was also in the 20th century before cellphones were commonplace, so he had no idea what the time was.   He saw a Mexican man with a big sombrero hat and a curved mustache lying on the ground sleeping. Beside him was a donkey.   He then went up to this man and said, “Excuse me sir, do you know what time it is?”   The Mexican man sat up, rubbed his eyes, raised the tail of the donkey, squinted, and then told the American, “It’s 2PM right now.”   Image Source: ChatGPT The American thought the Mexican was playing a joke on him, so he took out his radio, which reports the time. Sure enough, the radio said it’s 2PM.   The American tourist then shopped around the plaza for a while. Later, he came back and asked the Mexican man again, “Excuse me sir, do you know what time it is now?”   The sleepy-eyed Mexican sat up again, raised the donkey’s tail up, squinted, and then said, “It is 4PM now.”   The American checked with the radio again, and indeed it was 4PM. The American was astonished by this donkey who could tell time, so he decided to buy the donkey off the Mexican man.   He then respectfully asked, “Sir, please tell me, how do you find out the time from this donkey?”   The Mexican man smiled and said, “Simple. I sit up, lift the donkey’s tail, and through the gap between the donkey’s tail and butt, I can see the big clock hanging on the church over there. Then I’ll know the time.”   Moral of the story: If we only look at the surface of matters and miss the deeper essence, then we may end up making a laughing stock out of ourselves. (Story source: Harvard Family Education )   Commentary Although we might think the man in the story is a bit dumb, we shouldn’t be so confident that we might not make the same mistake of only seeing the surface of matters. Being able to see the deeper essence and the root of matters is not always that easy.   The Analects of Confucius  says, “Exemplary people attend to the root of matters.”   To become an exemplary person requires learning and cultivation. In other words, it’s common and normal for most people to only see the surface of matters.   To give an analogy, if someone is overweight, that is a surface level symptom. What is the root cause? It’s probably related to their diet and sedentary lifestyle. If that person merely gets surgery to cut away the belly fat, but he doesn’t change his diet and lifestyle, then that belly fat will come back again, along with negative side effects from the surgery. This is attending to the surface level symptoms and missing the root cause.   To be clear, this isn’t to say that symptom-level treatments are bad. If the symptoms are already very severe, we need symptom-level treatments promptly, but if we want to solve the problem long-term, then we need to also have root-level treatments.   Below are some more examples to consider: Is the conflict really about the matter? Or is it about a lack of respect and willingness to understand them? On the surface, it seems like they overreacted to a small matter. But if you look deeper, you’ll see that perhaps they’ve accumulated a lot of resentment over time, and that “small matter” was the last straw. On the surface, they might seem respectful and caring, but can you discern the intention behind their behavior? Is it sincerity or selfishness? On the surface, they might seem critical, but can you discern their intention? Is it annoyance or true care? On the surface, it may seem like happy people have good conditions. But in reality, many people with objectively good conditions are still very unhappy. On the surface, it seems like external stressors are making us stressed. But how come other people in the same situation might not be as stressed as we are?   Conclusion No matter what problem or goal we have, we should ask ourselves: What are the roots, and what are the symptoms? If we only attend to the surface-level symptoms, then we’ll end up like the man who bought the donkey to tell time. Weekly Wisdom #335

Image Source John wanted to hang a painting on his wall, and he invited his friend over to help. Just as they were about to put the nails in, the friend said,  “Hang on, I think it’s better if we put two boards of wood on the wall first, then put the nails in the wood, and then hang the painting.”   John respected his friend’s wish and looked for a board of wood. After he found one and brought it over, they started to position it on the wall. Suddenly, his friend said, “Hang on, his wooden board is too big. It’s best if we saw a bit off.”   Thus, they searched around for a saw. After finding the saw, they started to saw the wood. Not long after, the friend said, “This won’t do. The saw is too dull. We need to sharpen the saw with a file.”   So, they searched around the house for a file. They found one, but it lacked a handle. The friend then went outside to look for a small tree to cut to make a handle for the file.   As he was about to cut the tree with John’s ax, he noticed the ax was too rusty and dull. He then looked for a whetstone to sharpen the ax. When he found one, he realized the whetstone needed a wooden stand to stabilize it during the sharpening process.   Thus, he told John that he’s going to look for a carpenter because a carpenter should have a usable whetstone set.   After the friend left, John put two nails in the wall and hung up the painting.   Later that day, John saw his friend on the street, helping a carpenter carry a heavy electric saw. He said they are going to cut a tree to get some wood to make a wooden stand for the whetstone…   (Source: Harvard Family Education) Commentary While this fictional story may seem humorous, it serves as an important reminder. Firstly, do we know our priorities? Secondly, when we do things, do we overcomplicate things?   Stoic emperor Marcus Aurelius once said, "Most of what we say and do is not essential. If you can eliminate it, you'll have more time and more tranquility. Ask yourself at every moment, is this necessary?"   Another lesson from this story is appropriateness, as in doing things to the appropriate degree. Don't overcomplicate things, but also don't underestimate things. How much effort and time we spend on a matter should be proportional to its importance and how much control we have over it.   Marcus Aurelius also said, "It is essential for you to remember that the attention you give to any action should be in due proportion to its worth."   Reflecting on myself, I'm teaching an intensive English camp these couple of months (which is one reason why my blog posts are much shorter recently), and I feel like my time is not enough. Aside from teaching, I also have to prepare lessons, do after-class tutoring, and do other work.   When I feel like time isn't enough, it's easy for my mind to become messy and anxious. When this happens, I stop myself and look at my to-do list. I make sure my list is ranked in proper order, and that the list isn't missing anything important.   When I do a task, I ask myself, " How can I simplify this? " For example, instead of making all the lesson materials myself, can I find existing resources online or from colleagues? Instead of writing the usual long-form blog posts, can I write short and simple ones?   Doing my morning and evening meditation are also very helpful to clear my mind, and I might remember important things or have creative ideas as a result.   I think Seneca said it well: “It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste a lot of it. Life is long enough, and a sufficiently generous amount has been given to us for the highest achievements if it were all well invested."   Let's all be clear on our priorities and use our most valuable resource, time, effectively. Weekly Wisdom #334

When Einstein was 16 years old, he often skipped school and played with a group of troublemaker friends. As a result, he failed many classes. One weekend morning, Einstein was about to go fishing with his friends, but his father stopped him. His father calmly said to him, “Einstein, you’re out playing all day with your friends, and you’re failing school. Your mother and I are quite concerned for your future.”   Einstein replied, “What’s there to worry about? Jack and Robert are also failing school, and they’re still going fishing.”   His father looked at him with love and concern and said, “Son, you can’t think that way. Let me tell you a well-known fable from my hometown. I hope you’ll listen carefully." Image Source: Wix AI His father then told this fable: Two cats were playing on the roof of a house. One cat grabbed the other cat and they both accidentally fell into the chimney. When they crawled out, one cat’s face was covered in ashes, while the other cat’s face was clean. The clean cat saw the other cat’s face was all black, and he thought his face was the same, so he rushed to the river to clean himself. The dirty cat saw the other cat was clean, and he thought he was also clean, so he went on with his day and strutted along the street. Image Source: ChatGPT Einstein, no one can be your mirror, only you can be your mirror. If we take others to be our mirror, then perhaps a genius will think he’s a fool.” After hearing this story, Einstein felt ashamed, put down his fishing rod, and returned to his room. From then on, Einstein often reflected on himself and encouraged himself: “I don’t want to be like ordinary people. I can be extraordinary.” This is one reason why Einstein became the legend that he is. Commentary Jim Rohn said, “You are the average of the five people you spend most time with.” In other words, we should be very thoughtful and selective about who we spend our time with because we will inevitably get influenced by them. Einstein’s dad knew this, so he admonished his son to rethink his peer group. Although his dad said “no one can be your mirror” , we have to be careful about how to interpret this statement. The way I interpret it, it is not saying that the people we spend time with don’t reflect the type of person we are. On the contrary, the people we spend time with are a great indicator of the type of person we are. As the saying goes, “Birds of a feather flock together.” When Einstein was young, he spent most of his time with troublemakers, and so he also became a troublemaker. When he stopped spending time with them and started taking his studies seriously, his future changed. So I interpret Einstein’s dad’s message to be “Don’t assume you are the same as the people around you. You don’t have to follow the herd. You can be extraordinary, but you have to consciously choose to be.” And so it is the same with each and every one of us. If we don’t want to blindly follow the herd, then we have to be clear on what we want. If we thoughtfully choose to follow the herd on certain matters, that’s fine too. The point is that we should live our lives consciously rather than drifting along mindlessly. Another learning from this story is Einstein’s dad’s effective admonishment. When others don’t do what we want them to do, a lot of people will nag, complain, and criticize. The energy we give is the energy we’ll attract back , and those behaviors will attract defensiveness and opposition from the other person. If the other person has lower power than us, such as our children or subordinate, then they have no choice but to obey. However, they are accumulating resentment in their heart, and if that continues, eventually they will lash back in the future. If the other person has the same level of power as us, such as our spouse or colleague, then they will feel disrespected, and they will argue with us because they are unhappy at our disrespect towards them. In this type of argument, the matters never end. It seems like you’re going around in circles, never able to solve the problem straight on. Or new matters keep coming up before old matters are resolved. These are all signs that the deeper problem is a lack of respect. As soon as one person can respect the other person first, by apologizing and acknowledging your own faults, the conflict can be resolved. Effective admonishment requires us to truly care for the other person’s feelings, to not be demanding or controlling, and to not be impatient for them to change. Einstein’s dad was very considerate towards Einstein, and I would guess he knew that teenagers (and all people in general) don’t like to be nagged at or told that they are wrong. That’s why he thought of a story to deliver his advice, and the advice is full of respect and positive energy. Einstein was touched by his dad’s love for him, and so he was inspired to change. Conclusion Who are you using as your mirror? Are you choosing your mirrors (influences) thoughtfully? When advising or requesting others to change, are you doing it with sincere care, or are you mixing in annoyance, impatience, and blame? Weekly Wisdom #333

Recently I went to visit my grandma in China again. Just as before , my grandma always gives me stuff to eat, saying, “I know you like to eat these! Here, eat some!”   When I say I’m full, she’ll say, “It’s OK, you’re young, you’ll digest it in no time.”   Icon Sources: 1 , 2 , 3 But I was mentally prepared this time. I didn’t prepare methods though. After all, I don’t know what matters will come up. But I did prepare an attitude, which is to be like water: flow around rocks (problems); don’t fight them head on.   At meals, I would eat slower, so that when she inevitably says “Eat more!”  I wouldn't be so full already. Secondly, if I’m already full, I’ll say, “I’m kind of full, but I’ll eat a little bit more.”  This way, she doesn’t feel like I rejected her loving intention. I’ll also give some to my parents and say, “This is really delicious! Have some!”   One time, my grandma brought home three baskets of strawberries, and we already had two baskets at home. We really did not want to eat so many strawberries. But I didn’t get annoyed. I’m sure my grandma has loving intentions. It’s strawberry season, there are lots of strawberries, she thinks strawberries are delicious, so she wants to buy lots for me to eat. I understood her.   Since I was calm about the situation, I was able to think of a solution: make strawberry sauce and put it in the fridge to extend the shelf life. I told grandma about my idea, and this indirectly communicated to her that she bought too many strawberries, but there’s no energy of blame at all.   Another time, we went to a night market. She noticed I bought teppanyaki tofu, and I said I like it. After I already ate a bucket, she came back with two more buckets. I already had enough from that one bucket, but I ate another bucket. The third bucket I really couldn’t eat, so I simply brought it home, saying I want to eat it later.   While we were walking to the bus stop, a fruit seller passed by, and my grandma wanted to buy fruit for us. My dad said sure, but my mom and I said no. She still bought fruit for all of us. I told my mom “It’s fine, just put it in the bag and take it home .” We ate them the next day.   Another time, my grandma bought some chicken burgers. My dad said, “These have meat. Your grandson doesn’t eat meat.”  She said, “No these are vegetarian burgers. I know he doesn’t eat meat.”   I checked the package and said, “Grandma, these do have meat. They’re chicken burgers.”   My dad said, “He can eat burgers anytime in Canada. No need to give him burgers here.”   My grandma looked a bit disappointed. Later at lunch, I saw she heated up two burgers. I was quite surprised because she usually doesn't eat very much. I guessed she wanted to get rid of these burgers quickly to free up fridge space. I told her, “Grandma! I like the burger buns. Can you give them to me?” Then I happily ate the burger buns, which had mayonnaise and corn on them. Over the next few days, she ate all the chicken patties while I ate all the buns.   I also took initiative to cook, and I was very happy to be able to give back to grandma, especially when I cooked something that I was proud of and that she really liked. One time, while she was eating my cooking, she said, “I’m full, but it’s so tasty I can’t stop eating it.”   I told her, “Grandma, don’t eat too full. It’s best to eat until 80% full.”   This way, I’m indirectly telling her that my view on healthiness is to eat until 80% full, but I didn’t do it in opposition to her request for me to eat more. I also realized that if she keeps eating while full, she probably thinks it's normal and fine to do so, which is why she always says to me, "It's OK if you're full. Eat some more!"   Conclusion Contemporary stoic Ryan Holiday said, "Be aware of that today when you're going to work, going on a date, deciding whom to vote for, calling your parents in the evening, waving to your neighbor as you walk to your door, tipping the delivery man, saying goodnight to someone you love. All of that is philosophy."   To that list, I add "handling grandma's requests for me to eat more in a tactful way that makes her happy even though I'm already full". This visit, there were still a few times where I wasn’t careful and ended up eating too much, but overall, I’m quite satisfied with my ability to appreciate my grandma’s loving intentions while also tactfully handling the amount of food I actually ate.   Do you ever receive well-intentioned requests that bring you burden or inconvenience? How can you handle it in a tactful way? Weekly Wisdom #332

I recently took an attitude class from Dr. Alan Zimmerman, and the most central concept in the class was this: Be an actor, not a reactor. An actor is in control of their feelings and behavior. A reactor is not. A reactor's feelings are dependent on external circumstances, and they can't help but react a certain way given certain circumstances. Dr. Zimmerman says: "It's not so much what happens to you that matters. It's how you're conditioned to respond that makes all the difference."   Dr. Zimmerman shared many stories and examples, which I've categorized into four main categories: inconveniences, negative people, negative expectations, and adversities. This week, we'll look at adversities.   Most people get disheartened in the face of adversity. But actors refuse to let external circumstances ruin their mood. How do they maintain a good attitude in spite of difficult circumstances? They know that there's always something positive they can find in every situation, and that there's always something they can be grateful for. This doesn't mean they are happy-go-lucky in spite of adversity, but rather they can maintain a sense of calm, peace, and determination.   Image Source: ChatGPT Dr. Zimmerman shared the story of Robert Schuller and his assistant Louis. Schuller was an American Christian televangelist, pastor, and host of the Hour of Power  TV program. One day, his assistant Louis told him, " I just got back from the doctor. I have cancer, and I'm not expected to live much longer. Will you come over and talk to me? "   Schuller was quite shocked too. But he knew that Louis was hoping he could give her some faith, just like he does with people every day on TV. A few years later, Louis was still alive, and he told Schuller that what he said on that day turned her fear into confidence that she could make it. So what did he say?   He said, "I'm not trying to be preachy right now, but dear God, we're so thankful for today. We're thankful we live in a day and age where great advancements are being made in the treatment of cancer. We're thankful we live in a country where the finest and best medical healthcare is available. We're thankful for the vast number of friends who love and support Louis. But most of all we're thankful for this gift of faith that Louis has. She doesn't know what the future holds, but she knows who holds the future."   Dr. Zimmerman teaches the "positive but" technique, where we counteract problems with blessings. Here are some examples: I just lost my husband, but  I still have my children. I lost a lot of money in my stocks, but  I have my house which is paid for. My hearing has gotten poor, but  I can still see well and read. My son is out of town, but  he still calls me every week. What we choose to focus on, the problems or the blessings, will grow in our lives and determine our experience in life.   Another reason actors choose to maintain a positive attitude in the face of adversity is because they know that negative attitudes only make things worse. A positive attitude is really the only effective attitude, and it maximizes our chances of a better future.   When Dr. Zimmerman was in grade 11, his school invited a speaker named Richard Chabot. Chabot was paralyzed from the neck down, and he used a respirator to breathe. Needless to say, he really got all the students' attention. His opening remark: " Every dream I've ever had, I've been able to accomplish. "   Dr. Zimmerman wondered, " Really? How could you accomplish all your dreams being paralyzed? "   Chabot continued, " For example, I've always wanted to write a book, but I can't write because my arms don't work. So I got a tape recorder and talked my whole life story into the tape recorder, several hours a day, seven days a week, for a whole year. At the end of the year, I wanted to hear the whole book played back to me, but every tape was blank. Turns out I purchased a defective recorder. A whole year's effort was lost. If anyone had the right to become negative, it was me. But I didn't. I started all over. And today, my book is published. I've always wanted to be a speaker, and I've given over 200 speeches now. I've always wanted to be president of a club, and now I'm president of a club. So every dream I've ever had, I've accomplished. " Image Source: ChatGPT He spoke like that for 40 minutes as the audience sat there mesmerized. His finishing comment: " Life is a banquet. But most people are starving to death because they have the wrong attitude. Go out and partake in life, and when you do, think of me. "   Commentary Adversities have a big impact on our lives and often threaten our sense of safety. Adversities can either break us or elevate us to whole new levels. The key factor is our attitude.   To give an analogy, imagine bouncing a ball. Adversity is like throwing the ball down with extreme force, and the strength of the ball's material is like our attitude. If the ball is made of poor material (weak attitude), it breaks under great force (adversity). If the ball is made of strong material (good attitude), the ball bounces to greater heights from stronger force (adversity).   So what are good, effective attitudes and beliefs to have towards adversity? Focus on blessings View it as a challenge rather than an adversity Believe that you can overcome the challenge Accept the challenge Appreciate the challenge   1: Focus on blessings Dr. Zimmerman talked about focusing on our blessings instead of our problems. Indeed, when we look at all the blessings we have, our problems seem to shrink in comparison. This is a great way to get out of that negative rut and gain energy to take positive action. As mentioned in part 3, our outlook on life influences our actions and decisions, which then changes our future. Therefore, focusing on blessings is not blind positivity, it's logical and pragmatic.   2: View it as a challenge rather than an adversity The language we use influences us subconsciously, so it's very important that we choose our language thoughtfully and consciously. The term "adversity" has connotations of suffering, pain, bad luck, and negativity. A much better term is "challenge", which carries more positive energy. Challenges are stimulating and interesting. Challenges prevent boredom and stagnation. People often say, "challenge accepted" and "rise to the challenge", and people seek out challenges to grow.   Stoic philosopher Epictetus said, "Difficulties show a person's character. So when a challenge confronts you, remember that God is matching you with a younger sparring partner, as would a physical trainer. Why? Becoming an Olympian takes sweat! I think no one has a better challenge than yours, if only you would use it like an athlete would that younger sparring partner."   If you have a religious or spiritual faith, then that faith will help you get through adversity. You can have faith that there's a higher power guiding and supporting you, and that the challenges in front of you are meant to help you on your religious or spiritual path, and that there's no way the higher power would give you something you cannot handle. I imagine Louis probably had a lot of faith in God and a lot of support from loved ones, which helped her to push through her adversity.   But even if you don't believe in God and don't want to be an Olympian, we have to understand the spirit of Epictetus's teaching here. We can rephrase this teaching like this: If we want to have a good life, we have to work hard! Everyone faces difficulties and challenges in life, and we should view these things like a training partner. There is no better training partner for us than the challenge we have in front of us, so long as we have the proper attitude .   Events are objective. Whether or not we feel negative or positive about it depends on our attitude, which then subconsciously influences our choice of words. When we consciously choose different wording, we feel different too. So instead of using words like adversity, difficulty, or tough time, use more positive language like "challenge" and "training".   On a related note, we'll probably "fail" and get "beaten down" by our "sparring partner" or challenges. Instead of using the words "failure" or "mistake", we can use the term "lesson" or "experiment." The terms "failure" and "mistake" imply that the story ends here. But it doesn't.   Our past "failures" and "mistakes" will inform us and help us succeed in the future, so they are really lessons. And if we have a long-term view to begin with, then we know that success doesn't happen on the first attempt. It takes many attempts. When we try different things each time, it really is an experiment, and when the experiment "fails", there's nothing bad about that. We learn from it and adjust until we get the result we want.   3: Believe you can overcome the challenge When faced with a difficult challenge, it's important to believe that you can overcome it. If we don't believe we can overcome the challenge, then we won't try our best, which then reduces our performance.   Think of someone amazing who you admire. If you research their lives, you'll find that they had to overcome great adversity or challenges to attain great achievements. Everyone faces different difficulties, but we all have the same potential to persevere and overcome challenges. If they could do it, so can we.   As Ryan Holiday said, "Don't forget, though, that you come from a long, unbroken line of ancestors who survived unimaginable adversity, difficulty, and struggle. It's their genes and their blood that run through your body right now… as their viable offspring, you're capable of what they are capable of. You're meant for this."   So no matter what challenge we are facing now, we can remind ourselves that our heroes and ancestors have gone through much worse. If they could persevere through it, then so can we. I wrote a detailed article on this titled Build Permanent Self-Confidence .   Of course, our faith in ourselves needs to be balanced with wisdom. If we tried a method and it didn't work, we shouldn't keep trying the same thing over and over again, thinking that all we need to do is try harder. It's important to ask for help and get guidance from experts. For example, Louis probably got health advice from good doctors, and Chabot had to get a new tape recorder. Getting proper guidance ensures we are going in the right direction, then we add perseverance to make sure we reach the destination. In this way, we will definitely overcome our challenges.   4: Accept the challenge Actors accept challenges and rise to the challenge. Reactors get disheartened, complain, try to avoid it, or quit. When Chabot found out his whole year's effort was lost, that was a very challenging moment. He had two choices. One is to get disheartened, get angry, complain, and ultimately quit. The other is to remain determined and restart. The attitude he had determined his future.   So the big question is, why was Chabot able to remain determined and restart? I'm not Chabot, so I can't speak on his behalf, but I can say that people who are able to push through adversity all have something in common: they have a purpose that is bigger than themselves, such as doing it for the people they love, or doing it for a dream that inspires them.   I would guess that Chabot had a dream for himself. He wanted to be an author. It was a very inspiring and motivating dream for him. Although it's certainly not pleasant that his whole year's effort was lost, it doesn't decrease the positive feelings he has towards his dream, so he continued to persist. Perhaps Chabot also wanted to make his family proud, so he persisted for their sake.   So when we face a difficult challenge, and we start feeling demotivated, we should ask ourselves, " Why am I doing this? Who am I doing this for? " If it's for a reason bigger than ourselves, such as for a dream that inspires us, or for the people we love, then that will give us power to rise to the challenge and persist through it.   5: Appreciate the challenge Being able to accept the challenge is already very good. If you're able to accept the challenge, you can push yourself to the next level by appreciating the challenge.   Some people might be thinking, " I don’t want adversity and challenges! I want an easy and relaxing time in life! " That's understandable. After all, no one likes pain. But can you find anyone who has an easy and relaxing time their whole life without any adversity or challenges? In other words, difficulty and challenges are a fact of life. As mentioned before, they can either break us or elevate us to new heights.   And therein lies the reason we should be grateful for challenges. When we have a good attitude towards challenges, they elevate us to new heights, they strengthen us, they increase our abilities. As a result, we can accomplish what we didn't think was possible before. What used to seem challenging and hard for us now seems easy. Less and less things trouble us. Life becomes easier and more relaxing because we weren't directly seeking ease and relaxation to begin with. Instead, we were seeking self-improvement, and that's the key.   Seneca said, "A gem cannot be polished without friction, nor a man perfected without trials."   When we seek self-improvement, we won't be afraid of challenges and difficulties. In fact, we welcome them because we view them as a good thing, like polishing a gem. Without that polishing, a gem cannot become beautiful and reveal its full value.   Seneca also said, "I may wish to be free from torture, but if the time comes for me to endure it, I'll wish to bear it courageously with bravery and honor. Wouldn't I prefer not to fall into war? But if war does befall me, I'll wish to carry nobly the wounds, starvation, and other necessities of war. Neither am I so crazy as to desire illness, but if I must suffer illness, I'll wish to do nothing rash or dishonorable. The point is not to wish for these adversities, but for the virtue that makes adversities bearable."   If our goal in life is to have comfortable circumstances, then we will frequently get disappointed and frustrated. But if our goal is to improve character and virtues, then we will be able to accept whatever challenges come our way, grow from them, and appreciate them.   Someone I really admire is Venerable Jing Kong, and he once said, "Be grateful to those who've hurt you because they toughened your will. Be grateful to those who've lied to you because they increased your insight. Be grateful to those who've mistreated you because they eliminated your negative karma. Be grateful to those who've abandoned you because they taught you to become self-sufficient. Be grateful to those who've impeded you because they elevated your ability. Be grateful to those who've reprimanded you because they strengthened your stillness and wisdom. Be grateful to all those who've made you determined to succeed."   He was able to write those words because those things really happened to him, and that's how he truly feels about those people. Clearly, he has a good attitude towards challenges. I also wrote about my attempt to emulate him in my post Elevate Your Gratitude .   A gratitude journal I used has many prompts, and it includes a couple related to adversity, such as " A difficulty that made me into a better version of myself " and " Something I learned from a difficult situation ". These prompts helped me appreciate past challenges and have a better attitude towards current challenges.   Conclusion Adversities, difficulties, and challenges are an inevitable part of life. But they don't have to be a negative thing. Our attitude towards them determines how we feel about them, how we respond to them, and ultimately whether we rise or fall from them.   Reactors have a poor attitude and get disheartened, complain, or quit. Actors have a powerful attitude and focus on blessings, view adversities as beneficial challenges, believe in their ability to overcome the challenge, accept the challenge, and appreciate the challenge.   What challenge are you facing right now? It could be the perfect challenge for you, so long as you have the right attitude. Weekly Wisdom #331

I recently took an attitude class from Dr. Alan Zimmerman, and the most central concept in the class was this: Be an actor, not a reactor. An actor is in control of their feelings and behavior. A reactor is not. A reactor's feelings are dependent on external circumstances, and they can't help but react a certain way given certain circumstances. Dr. Zimmerman says: "It's not so much what happens to you that matters. It's how you're conditioned to respond that makes all the difference."   Dr. Zimmerman shared many stories and examples, which I've categorized into four main categories: inconveniences, negative people, negative expectations, and adversities. This week, we'll look at negative expectations.   Dr. Zimmerman shared a story of his daughter, Shelly. When she was around 6 to 9 years old, she went through a tough time and had a negative outlook on life. Every morning, Dr. Zimmerman would tell her to get out of bed and go to school, and she'd respond by saying she doesn't want to go to school. Then Dr. Zimmerman would have to physically pull her out of bed. He hated it.   One day, he tried a different approach. He ran into her bedroom, clapped his hands, and said, " Shelly! Something good is going to happen to you today! "   Shelly then jumped out of bed and said " What?! " Image Source: ChatGPT Dr. Zimmerman said, " I don't know. But I know something good is going to happen. Why don't you look for it and report at the end of the day? "   At the end of the day, Dr. Zimmerman asked if anything good happened today. Shelly said, " Nothing. It was the worst day of my life. I wish I was dead. "   Dr. Zimmerman was a bit annoyed, but he reminded himself to be an actor, not a reactor, and to practice the active listening skills that he preaches. He said, " Honey, I'm sorry. Let me see if I can understand. Maybe your friends didn't play with you during recess? "   She said, " No, we played soccer during recess. "   Dr. Zimmerman said, " Oh. Maybe your teacher made fun of you in class? "   She said, " No. I got three answers right. I got to clean the whiteboard too. That was fun. "   Dr. Zimmerman said, " Maybe you weren't allowed lunch today? You sat in the cafeteria and starved while the rest of the kids ate? "   She said, " No, I had spaghetti with lots of sauce. It was good. "   Shelly eventually realized she was exaggerating, and that her day really wasn't that bad. Dr. Zimmerman continued to do this for three weeks. Every morning, he'd go into her room, clap his hands, and say, " Something good is going to happen to you today! "   After three weeks, she came back from school one day and said to Dr. Zimmerman, " Hey dad, how many good things happened to you today? "   He replied, " I'm not sure. "   Shelly said, " I have three! I got a smiley face sticker, a blue bird sticker, and a nice note from a friend. "   Her day really wasn't much different from before, but because Dr. Zimmerman conditioned Shelly to look for the good things in her day, she gradually turned her negative outlook on life into a positive one.   Dr. Zimmerman explained that there's a phenomenon called the self-fulfilling prophecy . Basically, we look for information that confirms our existing beliefs. So if we believe that we'll have a bad day, we'll pay extra attention to bad things to confirm our expectations, and we'll become blind to the good things. If we believe that it's going to be a good day, then we'll look for evidence that it's a good day, which then makes us feel that it was indeed a good day. We get what we expect. Our experience of our day is dependent on our beliefs.   But our beliefs affect more than just our experience of reality. They also have the power to change our reality. That's because the way we feel and think then impacts our decisions, which then impacts our future. For example, if we believe that we cannot pass a test, then we won't study very hard, and we'll probably fail. But if we believe we can pass, then we'll be motivated to study hard, and then we'll be more likely to pass.   Or in relationships, if we believe the other person won't listen to us, then we'll communicate with the energy of opposition, and they'll naturally oppose us. But if we believe that good communication is possible, then we'll look for different ways to communicate until we find one that works. Therefore, our beliefs are absolutely critical to improving our circumstances.   Dr. Zimmerman talked about research done by one of his mentors, Dr. Norman Vincent Peale, author of The Power of Positive Thinking . On New Year's Eve, he gave people at church a piece of paper and asked them what they expect to happen the next year. Then these people come back in a year's time to see if what they expected came true.   The result? People's expectations had astonishing accuracy. For example, One man wrote, " More of the same old miserable life. " He got it. Another man wrote, "I'm a Capricorn, and according to my horoscopes, I'll lose my job and marriage." That's what happened to him. A lady who's also a Capricorn wrote, " A job promotion. " She got it. Another person wrote down 10 goals. She accomplished 9 of them. One person didn't come to the meeting. They found his envelope, and inside it said, " None of the men in my family have ever lived past 60. I expect I'll die next year. " He died one month before his 60th birthday.   An important point to clarify here is that these are people's true beliefs, not aspirations or wishes. If someone writes down, " A job promotion ", but she doesn't actually believe it, then she won't behave in a way that aligns with getting a job promotion, and so she probably won't get that result. Therefore, it's important that we reflect honestly on ourselves regarding our beliefs and expectations towards life. Some people justify low expectations by saying it prevents them from getting disappointed. But having negative expectations is truly harmful to ourselves. It's much better to have a reasonable and positive outlook on life. After all, our beliefs manifest our future.   Commentary If given a choice, who wouldn't want to feel positive and hopeful towards the future? An actor is able to feel that way, while a reactor habitually worries about and doubts the future. Our outlook on life influences our actions and decisions, which then changes our future. Therefore, a positive attitude is not a nice-to-have, it really is critical to having a good life.   So how can we change our beliefs, attitude, and outlook towards life? Here are three methods: Look for the good every day Challenge negative thoughts Get clear on your fears and plan accordingly   Icon Sources: 1 , 2 , 3 , 4 1: Look for the good in every day Dr. Zimmerman gave a great method: start looking for the good in daily life. As we do this more and more, we'll naturally start to believe that there are a lot of good things in life.   I used to be quite a complainer, and I remember Dr. Zimmerman said that we cannot be grateful and unhappy at the same time, so if we want to be happier in life, a great way is to practice gratitude. Seneca also strongly advocates the practice of gratitude, saying, "In all things we should try to make ourselves be as grateful as possible. For gratitude is a good thing for ourselves, in a manner in which justice, commonly held to belong to others, is not. Gratitude pays itself back in large measure."   So, a couple years ago, I started keeping a daily gratitude journal. Every day, I write down at least one thing that I'm grateful for from that specific day; this way, I write something unique every day, though I do have recurring themes.  Some days, I just write down one thing. Other days, I have as many as ten things.   As I persist day after day, month after month, year after year, gradually I complain a lot less, and I've become more of an appreciative and good-mood person. This change happens slowly and subtly over time, such that I cannot pinpoint an exact point in time where there was a big change.   2: Challenge negative thoughts Another method we can use to overcome habitual negative thinking is to challenge our negative thoughts. Oftentimes, we distort reality with our negative emotions, which means our negative thoughts are often exaggerated and unfounded.   Marcus Aurelius said, "Don't tell yourself anything more than what the initial impressions report. It's been reported to you that someone is speaking badly about you. This is the report—the report wasn't that you've been harmed. I see that my son is sick—but not that his life is at risk. So always stay within your first impressions, and don't add to them in your head."   In other words, if we put these negative thoughts under the scrutiny of logic, they will lose their power. For example, if we think " I'm going to have more of the same miserable life this upcoming year, " we can challenge that thought: " How do I know for sure that my year will be miserable? I don't know the future. No one does. For all I know, this year could be super lucky. So that negative thought is unfounded. Moreover, I have a lot of control over how my year turns out. If I want to have a good year, I can set some attainable goals for myself. I'm not powerless to have a miserable year. "   To give another example, there was the person who thought, " None of the men in my family have ever lived past 60. I expect I'll die next year. " We can challenge that thought: " While it's true that none of the men in my family have ever lived past 60, but that doesn't mean for sure I will be the same. It could just be a big coincidence. Or perhaps those people all died early because they all have an unhealthy lifestyle. Even if the reason is genes, genes can be changed by lifestyle. If I change my lifestyle to be more healthy, there's no reason why my lifespan wouldn't get extended. And even if I'm somehow destined to die this upcoming year, then why not take this as an opportunity to really live this year and do all the things I've always wanted to do? I don't HAVE to be gloomy about it, especially when it's not even guaranteed. "   A lot of negative people think that positivity is wishful thinking that just sets you up for disappointment, but we're not promoting empty wishful thinking here. We're using rational positivity to disarm exaggerated and unfounded negative thinking. When the sun comes out, darkness naturally fades away; Similarly, when correct thoughts arise, incorrect thoughts naturally back off.   3: Get clear on your fears and plan accordingly Negative people might justify their constant worrying by saying that it helps them prevent problems from arising in the future. But the thing is, we can predict problems and create mitigation plans without all that worry and stress. Moreover, worry and stress actually impede our ability to think clearly, so it's not helpful, not to mention that it makes us feel terrible. As Stoic philosopher Seneca said,  "We suffer more in imagination than in reality."   Oftentimes, something seems really scary because we aren't clear on what it really is. For example, people are afraid of losing their jobs. But if you ask them, " So what will happen if you lose your job? " They give some obscure answer like, " It'll be terrible! My life will be over! "   This then brings us back to point 2: challenge those exaggerated and unfounded negative thoughts. Will it really be that terrible? Is your life really going to be over? Take away the emotions and look at it objectively, what will losing your job actually look like? Well, if I have an emergency fund, that gives me some time to find another job. I can ask my friends for help. I can cut down on many expenses to save money. I can sell some assets. At the very worst, I can probably get a job at McDonald's…it's certainly not the end of the world.   From this thought exercise, we also got some risk mitigation measures that we can take action on: save up an emergency fund, identify back-up employers who are usually hiring, and build up a good network of people who can help us in case we lose our job. Taking productive action is a great way to use up the nervous energy that comes from habitual worrying.   We can even go a step further and simulate that worse case scenario. For example, Seneca said, "Here's a lesson to test your mind's mettle: take part of a week in which you have only the most meager and cheap food, dress scantily in shabby clothes, and ask yourself if this is really the worst that you feared?"   I've actually tried this, where I lived for a few days eating the cheapest food I could find, and I learned that I could save a lot of money on food if I wanted to, and the food I ate was still decently tasty and healthy. I've also slept at airports and on the couch at my friend's place, and it's not that bad. While I certainly don't hope to become unemployed, I'm also not scared of it because I'm clear on what it would be like for me, how I can mitigate that risk, and what I can do if it happens.   Conclusion Our beliefs and attitude impact our behavior and decisions, which then changes our future. If belief is the mother of success, then doubt is the mother of failure. Thus, positive thinking, positive beliefs, and a positive attitude are not nice-to-haves, they are critical for a good life.   Fortunately, our attitude can be changed with conscious effort and practice. If we habitually think negatively, we can change that by looking for the good in every day, by challenging those negative thoughts, and by getting clear on our fears and planning accordingly. Not only will a better attitude help us feel better, it truly helps us create a better future. Weekly Wisdom #330