Happiness is like a cat. If you chase it, it will run away. You have to do your thing, whether it's focusing on the task at hand, or the person in front of you. Then the cat will sidle up to you, purring. —Adam Robinson Image Source Commentary: When we chase or seek happiness, we are reinforcing two non-useful ideas. First is that we are currently lacking happiness. Second is that happiness comes from the outside. In reality, happiness comes from the inside, and it comes when we aren't seeking it. This poem gives us two keys to happiness. First is deep work. When we do work that is just a bit above our ability level, it helps us get into flow state. In flow state, we are very concentrated, mentally engaged, and at peace; we can do difficult tasks with seeming ease, and it feels euphoric. But we have to focus on the task at hand and not get distracted by things like social media and emails. If we can do tasks that are meaningful to us, we will naturally be attracted to it and not be interested in distractions. And if the task is just challenging enough, then we can get into flow. The second key to happiness, and probably the easier one to access, is to focus on the person in front of you. In other words, it means helping others and building relationships. Both ancient philosophers and contemporary scientists agree that relationships are key to happiness. When we feel connected to others, we feel happy. When we help others, we feel happy. When we feel like there are people in the world who want us to be part of their lives, we feel happy. The Blue Zones, which are areas around the world where people live the longest and healthiest lives, serve as proof of these two keys to happiness. In the five Blue Zones, two things they are have in common are having a strong purpose and prioritizing relationships. They have a strong reason to get up every day. Their daily activities are meaningful to them. They also prioritize relationships over career and wealth. They respect their elders and keep them nearby, and the elders spend lots of time with the young to nurture them. It's no wonder they live such long, healthy, and happy lives!

I just watched a two-minute video of Obama answering a question from a fourth-grader: “Why do people hate you?” Obama’s answer was very admirable and inspiring, and it reflects his deep humility, tolerance, and love for all people. He starts off by assuring the little boy that not everyone hates him since he was voted President after all. This little boy clearly looked up to Obama, and he was saddened to see people say bad things about his hero on TV. From Obama’s first words, I could see Obama’s sensitive heart towards other people’s emotional needs. Next, he explains that when you’re elected President, the other political party will poke you to keep you on your toes. This comment shows his humility. He doesn’t feel anger, resentment, or annoyance towards the opposing party for criticizing him. In fact, he views it as their job to keep him careful. Third, he explains that many people are worried or frustrated about various things in life, whether it be losing a job, a home, healthcare, and as President, he has to take on part of that blame. Again, he’s being humble and accepting responsibility that others don’t want to accept. Finally, he ends with resilience, which is based on love for all his people. He said, “You just gotta keep on going even when folks are criticizing you as long as you know you’re doing it for other people.” His set a great example of humility and loving kindness for us to follow! If you're interested, you can watch the short clip here.

When most people ask for advice, they tend to tell someone their situation and they ask what to do. This is not the best way to ask for advice. Image Source Jay Shetty explains on this podcast that when asking for advice, instead of asking what to do, we should ask how to think about the situation. Why? First, if we ask for what to do, and then we follow their advice but it turns out not the way we wanted, we might blame them. Second, if we don't follow their advice, then they might feel offended. Third, we should take responsibility for making our own decisions. For example, I'm considering whether or not to go for a new job I was invited to apply for. Rather than asking people "What do you think?" or "What advice do you have?", I asked "What would be your decision making criteria in this situation?". As a result, I got much more useful advice from them, and I don't have to worry about them wanting me to make a particular choice because I didn't ask which choice they recommend. On the flip side, when giving advice, instead of telling them what to do, tell them how to think about the situation. Why? People either want to make their own decisions, or they need to make their own decisions. By explaining to them decision making criteria, we empower them with knowledge and freedom, and we prevent ourselves from getting too invested in their choice, which is outside our control. For example, one of my students asked me which university she should attend out of three choices. I had a bias towards one, but rather than telling her what I would choose, I told her a list of decision-making criteria and which university would fit better under which criteria. I don't know which criteria she values most, so it's inappropriate for me to recommend a choice. In the end, she chose a different one than I would've, which just proves that she valued different criteria. But regardless of her choice, I was happy for her, and I knew I did my responsibility as an advisor. Action: The next time you ask for or give advice, focus on the decision making criteria rather than picking a choice.

I recently heard Jay Shetty interview Oprah and Dr. Bruce Perry, and a key idea that really stuck with me is to not ask "What's wrong with them" but rather "What happened to them." The former creates negative judgment, while the later creates empathy. In this post, I'll share some of my own experiences on this topic. Image Source: Unsplash This school semester, I've been teaching a health course, and part of it involves healthy eating. I've come to realize how emotionally sensitive the topic of food can be for people. I remember my mother was very against me drinking celery juice for example, which caused a lot of conflict between us. Back then, I was thinking, "What's wrong with her? It's just celery!" In the health course I'm teaching, when I showed a talk on veganism, some students reacted in a very emotional and illogical way. One student even said "I don't care if animal products are unhealthy or cruel or bad for the environment. I must eat meat." To which, I thought, "What's wrong with them?" But that question just creates judgment and negativity in my own mind, which hurts me more than anyone else. When I ask the question, "What happened to them?", then things start to make sense, and I can have more empathy for them. In the case of my mother, she was very sick in the past, and she healed after following the advice of a specific doctor who taught her that we need to eat more "warm" foods like ginger, cinnamon, fennel, hot peppers, etc. We should limit cold foods like fruits and vegetables, and when we do eat "cold" foods, we should add in the "warm" spices to reduce their "coldness". Regardless of whether I want to debate the logic of that, the fact is, she healed from that doctor's advice, so emotionally, she is very attached to that viewpoint. That's why she's so against me drinking pure celery juice. It's not a logical debate. It's an emotional thing. In the case of those students, I can imagine that they probably grew up (like I did) eating animal products. They have fond memories of family dinners at home or at restaurants filled with different meat dishes. They love getting milk tea with friends. They order barbeque skewers all the time. They eat eggs every day and drink a glass of milk before bed. It's not a big surprise then that they would feel emotionally attacked when presented with information that says that the innocent happiness they had in the past was somehow wrong or bad. That one rude student in particular was maybe going through a bad day that day. Or perhaps he was spoiled at home to get whatever he wants. Or perhaps he often argues with his parents that way. Going through this mental exercise helped me have more empathy for others. It also reminded me of something that Peter Crone said: If you were them, with their exact genes and childhood and accumulated life experiences, you would be behaving exactly the same way as them. So to judge them is completely nonsensical. The point isn't to excuse other people's bad behavior, but rather to reduce the negative emotions within yourself because those negative emotions hurt you and prevent you from acting logically and effectively. When we can approach others from a place of care and patience, only then we can have a positive influence on them.

I recently finished watching the documentary, What the Health, and I sure wish I saw it earlier in my life, like in high school or even middle school. Source: https://www.whatthehealthfilm.com/ The documentary explains how the standard American’s diet is way too high in animal products (meat, cheese, eggs), which results in the standard American diseases like diabetes, heart disease, and cancer. Furthermore, the government and non-profit health organizations aren’t trying to get people to limit animal products, but instead promoting these animal products because the meat companies have gotten so big and powerful that they provide big funding to the government and sponsorship dollars to the health organizations. That’s a major conflict of interest. On top of all that, the pharmaceutical companies view these chronic illnesses as cash cows, so despite there being lots of scientific research showing how making healthy changes to diet and lifestyle can reduce, prevent, or even reverse diseases, they don’t educate consumers on it. Instead, they make treatments and drugs that the patient has to take for the rest of their lives. As an individual member of society, there’s not much we can do to change the current state of affairs. The best we can do is to educate ourselves through reading books, taking courses, and watching educational documentaries like What the Health. In this article, I share some of the key points from this film. Summary Notes Diabetes 1 in 10 healthcare dollars is spent on people with diabetes The US government and media blame diabetes on sugar and lack of exercise, but the true cause of diabetes is actually too much fat, which blocks the sugar receptors on cells. It’s not the sugar in a cookie making you fat, it’s all the butter in the cookie that makes you fat Food companies try to confuse the public and bring doubt about their food being bad. Since consumers are never told definitely that those foods are unhealthy, they will continue eating those unhealthy but deliciously addictive foods. Meat Pharmaceutical companies sell 80% of their antibiotics to animal agriculture companies. 450 different drugs are given to farmed animals to prevent disease and make them grow faster. Factory farmed animals eat mostly GMO soy and corn, which are heavily sprayed with toxic pesticides and herbicides When we eat that meat, we are eating all those drugs, antibiotics, pesticides, and herbicides in their flesh or milk. The people living near animal factory farms get diseases from all the pollution that comes out of those facilities In an animal slaughter house, animals are slaughtered at dangerously fast speeds, like 1 cow per 4 seconds. That’s why most meat is contaminated with fecal bacterial and pus. The leading source of salt in the American diet is chicken because chicken is injected with sodium water. [Side note: the reason is to make the flesh softer and easier to chew, thereby making customers eat more of it, so then the companies can sell more of it.] Dairy Dairy has a chemical in it called casein. When digested, casein becomes casomorphins. Though it is not as addictive as real morphine (a pleasurable and addictive drug), it has a similar effect, which explains why people are so “addicted” to dairy. Human milk has 2.7g per litre of casein per litre. Cow milk has 26g of casein per litre. The countries that consume the most dairy also have the highest rates of osteoporosis (weak bones), so dairy doesn't lead to strong bones. Eggs The USDA has stated it is illegal to for eggs to be labeled as nutritious, low fat, part of a balanced diet, low calorie, healthful, healthy, good for you, or safe. That’s why companies use other words like “incredible edible egg” Eggs are very high in cholesterol, and high levels of cholesterol contributes to clogged arteries and heart disease Fish Tens of thousands of fish get killed from the waste water that comes out of animal factory farms Fish are getting contaminated with all the toxins due to the water pollution from animal agriculture, including all the pesticides, herbicides, and mercury Farmed fish are given antibiotics similar to farmed land animals Food Companies and Marketing The meat and dairy industry spends at least $557 million annually to get the government to promote their products. That’s where we got messages like “Beef. It’s What’s for Dinner,” and “Milk. It does a body good.” These advertisements are really effective and make people consume more animal foods than the USDA recommends (i.e., unhealthy levels of consumption). The meat and dairy industry spends at least $138 million lobbying congress to influence food and health laws Health Organizations and Pharma Companies They take donations from the meat companies and fast food companies, hence they don’t speak up about why eating too much meat is bad for your health Chronic diseases are cash cows for pharmaceutical companies, so they invest all the money in treating the disease with medication rather than on how free lifestyle changes could prevent the disease (and thereby put them out of business) The pharma companies lobby the government more than any other industry in the country. Health Laws The Cheeseburger Law states that you as the consumer should have the common sense to know that these products are bad for you, so the food companies don’t need to warn you about it. Agriculture-Gag laws make it illegal for anyone to publish any abuse that happens in animal factory farms because it would hurt the company's profits. That's why it’s so hard to such footage. Nutrition guides are funded by the big food companies. That’s why they make sure that meat and dairy get a prominent feature. Protein The average American gets twice as much protein as the recommended amount, but they get less than half of the required fibre (which comes from plants). People worry they won’t get enough nutrition on a plant-based diet. The fact is, people are not getting the nutrition they need on an animal-based diet, and they will get much more nutrition if they substituted animal products for plant products. Review After watching the documentary, I think most of it is great, but there were some inaccuracies. To be fair, it’s impossible to make a perfect product, and I think the filmmakers did an excellent job making a documentary that is both informative and captivating. The inaccuracies are some of references to certain scientific studies. For example, the film cited a study that said “each 50-gram portion of processed meat eaten daily increases the risk of colorectal cancer by 18%.” The film didn’t explain clearly that the 18% is a relative increase, not absolute increase. The average person’s risk of colorectal cancer is 5%, so an 18% increase is now 6%, not 23%. This is a common mistake that many people and media outlets make when reporting on scientific studies. The film did do a good job covering a wide subject of interrelated topics such as diet, health, social impacts of factory farms, why the government and food non-profits aren’t heavily promoting plant foods despite everyone agreeing on their healthiness, and why the pharmaceutical companies focus on making drugs to treat diseases as opposed to getting rid of diseases. It’s a tough balancing act to juggle all that in a 90-minute film, and I applaud the filmmakers for taking on that challenge. Other Comments One comment I have for other people who watch the film is that diet is not the only factor to health. For example, the Blue Zones project looked at areas in the world where people consistently live to 100 and are healthy, and they identified 9 big things that affect health, including food, purpose, community, relationships, and exercise. So if someone has a bad diet but still does well on other health factors, they could still be healthy. Another comment is on the topic of veganism being too extreme for health purposes. It’s true that you do not have to be vegan to be healthy. The point of veganism is not purely for health. It’s for health, moral, and environmental reasons, with morality being the most foundational reason. Yes, you can eat animal products and be healthy because there are so many other factors to health. However, the more important question is how much animal products can you eat to remain healthy? The problem of whether animal products are healthy or not keeps getting debated, and different people will find different scientific studies to confirm their own opinion. But the question of how much meat is not really debated any more. Pretty much every health expert agrees our diet should be mostly plant-based, and people right now are not eating enough plant-based foods. On the relaxed end of the spectrum, Harvard Health and the Canada Food Guide says 25% of our food calories come from healthy proteins. That can be animal proteins, but it can (and should) also include plant proteins like nuts, seeds, beans, lentils, and leafy greens. In the five Blue Zones, it's an even higher standard: people get 95% of their calories from plants and only 5% from animal products. One of the Blue Zones, Loma Linda, is completely vegan. The other Blue Zones only eat meat 5 times a month on average, and the serving size is small—just 3 to 4 ounces (4 ounces = 0.25 pounds = A quarter pounder burger from McDonald's). In other words, from a health perspective, people should get 0% to 25% of their calories from animal proteins, and probably the closer you are to 5% or even 0%, the healthier. The final comment I’ll make is that there are totally legitimate reasons for not going vegan or making a slow transition towards veganism. Few people become vegan overnight. People may not be ready right now and need to do more research. Or they have too many things going on to be thinking about adding another big change in their life. Or they don’t have control over their food and what gets put on their plate. Or they face extreme social pressures to eat meat. But regardless of the situation, most of us can eat less animal products. Change and improve at a rate that is comfortable to you. Maybe it’s doing “Meatless Mondays” where people eat vegan just on Mondays. Maybe it’s picking one meal a day to be plant-based. People could buy plant milks to add variety to their milk choices in the fridge. Instead of only buying meat for protein, people could buy vegan mock meats from the grocery store. People could also buy more fruits and vegetables and put them on the kitchen table to remind themselves to eat more plants. As these small, healthy changes add up over time, we can improve our health naturally and comfortably.

"All people wear a little, invisible sign around their necks. It says, "Make Me Feel Important." —Dr. Alan Zimmerman Image Source Story One morning Mr. Cavett Robert looked out his window and saw a twelve-year-old boy going door to door selling books. The boy was headed for his house. Robert turned to his wife and said, "Just watch me teach this kid a lesson about selling. After all these years of writing books about communication, lecturing all over the country, I’ll show you how to get rid of a salesperson or anyone else, for that matter.” Mrs. Robert watched as the 12-year-old boy knocked on the door. Mr. Robert opened the door and quickly explained that he was a very busy man. He had no interest in buying any books. The young salesman was not daunted by Robert's brush-off. He simply stared at the tall, gray-haired, distinguished looking man, a man that he knew was fairly well known and quite wealthy. The boy said, "Sir, could you be the famous Mr. Cavett Robert?" To which Mr. Robert replied, "Come on in son." Mr. Robert bought several books from the youngster — books that he might never read. --- Source: Dr. Zimmerman’s Tuesday Tip, Issue 1095 - 3 Little Communication Strategies That Bring BIG Cooperation

Everyone wants to be healthy, so when we hear people telling us about the latest health trend that we "must" follow, it can be tempting. The people telling us are usually well-intentioned, wanting to share useful knowledge with the rest of us, but they might not know the dangers of the health fad because it’s such a new thing. I’ve personally fallen to health fads, but fortunately, I discovered Anthony Williams, also known as the Medical Medium. In his book, Life Changing Foods, he explains many harmful health trends with clear logic and offers useful solutions. In this post, I will summarize some of those harmful health trends: Nightshade fear Vitamin D mega doses B12 deficiency Floating Stools Dairy Eggs Corn Wheat Canola Oil Natural Flavors Nightshade Fear Nightshades are vegetables and fruits that prefer to grow in shady areas, and they flower during the night. Examples include potatoes, tomatoes, peppers, and eggplant. Historically, people were afraid of nightshades because their leaves are stems are toxic when consumed. But if we stick to that logic, then many other foods would be toxic too, such as oranges and peaches. Later, people realized that the fruits and tubers are fine to eat, even if the leaves and stems are not. The modern-day fear came from a theory that these vegetables are high in alkaloids that cause inflammation. But in reality, it’s not the alkaloids that are causing inflammation, it’s the other foods that we often eat nightshade vegetables with that cause the inflammation: Ketchup and tomato sauce often contains high-fructose corn syrup. Tomatoes are often eaten along with wheat crust or sandwich bread. Eggplant is often baked and served with parmesan cheese. Bell Peppers are often stuffed with sausage and cheese Potatoes are often deep-fried in fat and served with bacon bits and sour cream The real cause of inflammation is the corn, wheat, high dairy fat, and frying. If people ate nightshades with healthy side ingredients, they would find them extremely healing. Examples: Baked potatoes with salsa and avocado Steamed eggplant drizzled with olive oil and lemon juice Red bell pepper sticks with hummus In the rare case that someone eats a nightshade on its own and experiences symptoms, then it’s almost guaranteed that she or he has symptoms when eating other types of fruits and vegetables too. It’s a sign that the person has too much toxins and virus load inside them, and the fruits and vegetables are causing a detox reaction. It’s classic case of the Holy Four foods getting blamed when they’re actually help us detox. Remember that nightshade vegetables are amazing foods with great nutrients and healing properties. Vitamin D Mega Doses Yes, Vitamin D is important, and it’s great that there’s a push for people to get more sunlight, in part because sunlight offers so many benefits other than Vitamin D. But taking mega doses of Vitamin D is not good. When the body is force-fed with a giant dosage of 50,000 IUs, as often happens with the Vitamin D supplement trend, that will be toxic to the body. The body responds by discarding most of it. Most people should not exceed 10,000 IUs of vitamin D per day. Furthermore, Vitamin D is not the Holy Grail for health. Vitamin D deficiency is not the reason why so many people are ill, and a deficiency in Vitamin D is not life-threatening. Other nutrients, such as Vitamin B12, deserve more attention. A severe lack of B12 alone can lead to rapid deterioration of the nervous system, including conditions such as myelopathy and eventual death. Another nutrient is zinc. Zinc does everything that Vitamin D is said to do. A severe zinc deficiency would lead to grave illness, and getting enough zinc from food (or supplementing with zinc sulfate at normal doses) can offer much relief for a person suffering from chronic illness. B12 Deficiency One popular trend focuses on the belief that becoming vegetarian or vegan makes you automatically deficient in Vitamin B12. The truth is, more and more people around the world are deficient in Vitamin B12 regardless of whether or not they eat meat. That’s because the B12 we need comes from the microorganisms that live on the skins and leaves of fresh, raw, unwashed (or lightly washed), chemical-free vegetables and fruits. For example, if you go pick some fruits and vegetables from your garden and eat it shortly after, you’ll get bioavailable Vitamin B12 that your body can use. Image Source If someone gets Vitamin B12 from animal meat, they may have a blood test result that shows they have normal or even high levels of B12, but that doesn’t mean the B12 is helping their health because it’s not in the bioactive form that the body needs, so the organs have trouble using it. Some people wonder about getting Vitamin B12 shots. These shots usually do not have the right variety of B12 to be helpful. Furthermore, B12 must be taken orally to be effective because our digestive system will “tag” the B12 and make it bioavailable so that when it enters the blood system, it is in a form that our organs can accept. To get our required B12, we should eat more fresh, raw, unwashed or lightly washed fruits and vegetables from a trusted source that doesn’t use chemical sprays. Another option is to take a B12 supplement. When looking for a B12 supplement, look for a high quality adenosylcobalamin-methylcoabalin blend. Floating Stools (Poop) Image Source There’s a widespread belief that floating stools in the toilet means ill health because you’re not properly absorbing nutrients such as fat. Many people say that stool that sinks is a good sign. In reality, it’s the reverse. “Floaters” are good, while “sinkers” are bad. (Side Note: Obviously, diarrhea is bad. The floating pieces from diarrhea are pieces of undigested food. Diarrhea shows that something is wrong in the body to expel waste before digestion was finished.) Intact stools that float are made of mostly fiber, and that’s a great thing. It means your eating enough fibre and your digestive system is working properly. It means that as food undergoes digestion, all the fats, proteins, sugars, carbohydrates, and other nutrients are being properly absorbed, leaving behind mostly fiber in the waste matter. Dense, heavy stool that sinks quickly to the bottom of the toilet means it’s full of undigested fats and proteins. This can indicate that someone’s liver is overloaded and unable to absorb the fats from the food. But we don’t need to stress out too much about sinking stools. Sometimes, the liver intentionally gets rid of excess fat to protect you, not because it’s having trouble. Other times, dense stools are just a sign that resulted in your gut getting tight, which then compacts the stool. Just do your best to eat plenty of fiber and the Holy Four. The main takeaway here is to not fear floating stools. The healthier your diet gets by incorporating the Holy Four, the more likely you are to experience floating stools that are submerged but not sitting on the bottom. Dairy Many people feel they can’t live without dairy, whether it be milk in coffee, a morning cup of yogurt, butter on toast, or cheese in all its delicious forms. Dairy can make life and healing with challenging though because it bogs down the liver, thereby preventing toxins from leaving the body. Dairy also stresses the pancreas, which creates insulin resistance. Dairy also feeds pathogens that are behind so many illnesses. Examples of diseases and conditions that dairy can affect are Liver disease Skin problems like acne, eczema, and psoriasis Common colds Osteoporosis All autoimmune diseases Poor digestion, constipation, diarrhea, stomach pain Food sensitivities If you’re experiencing chronic illnesses, it’s best to cut back on dairy, or even cut it all together while you attend to your health. Cheese deserves a special mention because it’s been marketed as a longevity food. That’s an example of science being bent by profit-driven companies. In reality, cheese is the ultimate diabetes-creating food. If you’re a cheese lover, stick to enjoying it on rare, special occasions only, or try nut cheese instead. Eggs We often hear that eggs are the perfect food, and eggs are ingrained in our cultures. It’s true that eggs used to be great for us, but that was before viruses like Epstein-Barr Virus (EBV) became so common. Now, our world has so many pathogens responsible for so much of the chronic illness affecting people, and eggs feed those pathogens. How did this all happen? At the start of the 20th century, people in the medical industry began testing which foods were best for feeding viruses, bacteria, and pathogens. They tested sugar, meat, fruits, and vegetables, but none of those helped these pathogens grow. Then, these labs found the one common food that help pathogens not just survive, but reproduce rapidly: eggs. The pathogens that are so common now and causing so many people to be sick today love to eat eggs (both the yolk and the egg whites). Why? Unlike in meat, the proteins in an egg are not mature, so it’s easy for pathogens to absorb those proteins and enzymes through their membranes. If you’re not dealing with any health challenges, then sure, keep eating eggs, but make sure they are pasture-raised (not factory farmed). But if you are dealing with any health challenges, it’s just to take a break from eggs at least until you are healed. Otherwise, it will be harder to heal. Corn Corn was excellent for humans for over 2000 humans. It used to be nutritious and healing. Then, in a short span of time, corn was destroyed by GMO engineering. Corn’s DNA got altered in such a way that it now feeds all kinds of pathogens that contribute to our modern-day epidemic of chronic illnesses. If you’re trying to recover from a health challenge, keep corn out of your diet at least until you’re recovered. And be careful to read food labels to see if corn is an ingredient in the food. Image Source If after you get better, you want to consume corn, make sure it is organic and heirloom variety. Even then, it is still likely GMO-contaminated, so keep a limit on how much corn you consume. Wheat Many people feel better when they take wheat out of their diet. That’s because wheat, like corn, has been changed over the years. Since the 1950s, wheat has been altered in a way that makes it a highly inflammatory food that feeds pathogens. It’s not just gluten in wheat that’s the problem, there are other substances in wheat that feeds pathogens. If you can eat wheat and feel fine, then chances are you don’t have the viruses (and sometimes bacteria) that feed on wheat, in which case it’s fine for you to eat wheat. But if you do have any health troubles, try taking out wheat until your condition improves. After you get better, try adding wheat back and monitor how you feel as you reintroduce it into your diet. Canola Oil (Rapeseed Oil) Canola oil has become a staple in restaurants, used mostly as a “healthier” replacement for lard and corn oil, and as a cheaper option to olive oil. Don’t be fooled into thinking canola oil is good for you. It is damaging to the immune system and eats away the linings in the body, from the stomach lining to the intestinal tract linings to your veins, kidneys, and even the linings of the reproductive system. While more expensive, extra virgin olive oil and coconut oil (in modest amounts) are much better options for our health. Natural Flavors Image Source When food labels say “natural flavors”, including “natural cherry flavor”, “natural fruit flavor”, “natural vanilla flavor”, and the like, it is actually MSG (monosodium glutamate). MSG is a neurotoxin that builds up in the brain and destroys brain cells. It is also very harmful to the central nervous system. If you want to be safe, be very careful when reading food labels. If it says anything along the lines of “natural flavor”, then don’t eat it. Conclusion The world of nutrition can be very complex and confusing, and I’m very thankful to the Medical Medium for clearing up a lot of that confusion for us. He reminds everyone that no matter what trends happen, we can always rely on fruits, vegetables, herbs, and wild foods as the foundation for our health. “Remember, as new fads and trends crop up and cycle through popularity, always hold onto this enduring piece of ancient wisdom: The Holy Four of fruits, vegetables, herbs and spices, and wild foods are foundational for health. The importance of these foods will never be superseded by new discoveries.” —Medical Medium

Image Source: Unsplash A young man recognized his middle school teacher on the street, and he walked up to him and said, “Teacher! Do you remember me?” The teacher looked at the young man for a while, and said, “Sorry, I don’t remember.” The student said, “I was in your middle school class. I’m the student that stole a classmate’s watch!” The teacher thought again and said, “I’m really sorry, I still don’t remember.” The student said, “That day, you made each student stand facing the wall with our hands covering our eyes, and then you went and searched each person’s pockets for the watch. When you found the watch in my pocket, I was extremely nervous. I thought you would scold me in front of the class, and my reputation would be ruined forever! But strangely, you didn’t scold me. You didn’t even say who stole the watch. You just returned the watch to the classmate and continued class as normal. All the way to graduation, you didn’t mention it. I was so relieved and grateful! Do you remember me now?" The teacher smiled and said, “Oh I remember that incident! But there’s no way I would remember you. I didn’t want to ruin any relationships among the classmates or have any negative bias towards any of my students, so I also closed my eyes when searching through my students’ pockets.” When the student heard this, all he could do was cry and give the teacher a big hug of appreciation.

Image Source: Unsplash Ancient philosophers and contemporary scientists all agree that relationships are a key, if not the key, to happiness. Furthermore, it’s the quality, not quantity, of our relationships that count. How can we improve the quality of our relationships, whether it be with family, friends, colleagues, or a romantic partner? Here are the top three simple yet powerful ways: Use their love language Seek first to understand them deeply Focus on each other’s strengths 1: Use Their Love Language Author Gary Chapman explains that there are five love languages: Words of affirmation Physical touch Receiving gifts Quality time Acts of service Image Source People usually have 1 or 2 primary love languages. If we want to be loving and give others happiness, then we need to know their love language and give them love in their love language. Using a love language that is not their primary one is still helpful, but not as impactful. Words of affirmation are all about encouragement and appreciation. For example, we can tell them we believe in them, or that they will do great. When it comes to giving appreciation, we should be specific. For example, instead of just saying, “Thank you for all that you do,” it’s more impactful to say, “Thank you for making dinner with my favorite food in it. That was very thoughtful and kind.” Physical touch refers to things like holding hands, hugs, kisses, massages, or even just being physically near each other throughout the day. For gifts, it could be small things from a trip or from the day just to show that we were thinking about them. For example, you could bring home your partner’s favorite bread. When it comes to gifts, we need to give something thoughtful with meaning behind it. The best gifts are things people cannot buy for themselves. For quality time, it’s about giving them your full attention. Going for a walk together and talking to each other is an example of quality time. But if one or both people are distracted on their phones, then it is not quality time anymore. Acts of service refers to doing things for the other person to relieve their stress or to make their life easier. For example, maybe you help them do their chores because they are really busy right now. Or maybe you go do something that you don’t really like, but you’re willing to do it for them. To learn their love language, all you need to do is just tell them the list and ask them which one they prefer most. Usually, people can identify their love language. Another option is to take the 5 Love Languages quiz here: https://www.5lovelanguages.com/quizzes/couples-quiz/ 2: Seek First to Understand Them Deeply In his book, The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey, shares an encounter he had with a father that had trouble with his son: A father once told me, “I can’t understand my kid. He just won’t listen to me at all.” “Let me restate what you just said,” I replied. “You don’t understand your son because he won’t listen to you?” “That’s right,” he replied. “Let me try again,” I said. “You don’t understand your son because HE won’t listen to YOU?” “That’s what I said,” he impatiently replied. “I thought that to understand another person, you needed to listen to him,” I suggested. “OH!” he said. There was a long pause. “Oh!” he said again, as the light began to dawn. “Oh, yeah! But I do understand him. I know what he’s going through. I went through the same thing myself. I guess what I don’t understand is why he won’t listen to me.” This man didn’t have the vaguest idea of what was really going on inside his boy’s head. He looked into his own head and thought he saw the world, including his boy. While we may chuckle at this father, the reality is, we are all guilty of committing the same offense constantly. How often do we think we understand others the moment they start talking, and then we interrupt them and start telling them what to do? This makes people feel unheard and uncared for. How can we help others feel heard? The most important thing is you have to WANT to understand them. If you truly have that intention, then you will naturally know what to do. Think about how important they are to you, and how much you love them. Think about how you want them to feel cared for and loved by you. Then you will naturally do the right things, such as making eye contact, listening more than speaking, and affirming them instead of judging them. Trying to understand the other person deeply is the key to solving relationship problems. When people feel unheard, they will just keep trying to express themselves until they feel heard, or worse, until they give up on you. Remember: conflicts are inevitable in relationships, but conflicts don’t have to be a bad thing. If we seek first to understand, conflicts become something that brings people closer and makes the relationship stronger. 3: Focus on Each Other’s Strengths Everyone has different strengths and weaknesses. In fact, the same characteristic can be both a trait and a weakness. For example, being spontaneous is a good thing because it makes you fun to be around, and spontaneous people can handle change well. But it is also a weakness because spontaneous people lack the ability to plan for the future. Often times, we are attracted to someone else for their different strengths. For example, Jay Shetty mentioned how he was first attracted to his wife Radhi for her spontaneity. At the beginning, he viewed her spontaneity as a strength because she was so fun to be around. Later, he viewed it as a weakness when she struggled to make plans for the future. He went from focusing on her strength to focusing on her weakness. Fortunately, he realized his mistake, and they worked out the problem by letting them both focus on their own strengths. Jay handled all the future planning, while Radhi took care of the day-to-day fun and excitement. Many couples start out like Jay and Radhi. They like each other’s differences at first, but then they get annoyed at those traits because they start wanting the other person to be more like them. Then, they keep focusing on each other’s weaknesses instead of strengths, until eventually, they decide to part ways. That’s really unfortunate. How can we focus on each other’s strengths? The most obvious way is to just write down all their strengths and all the things you appreciate about them. But what if you have trouble identifying their strengths? This is when personality tests become really useful. The two main personality tests I use to identify people’s strengths and weaknesses are 16 Personalities and The Four Tendencies. The 16 personalities test looks at 5 personality traits: Introverted or extraverted Intuitive or observant Thinking of feeling Judging (likes to plan) or prospecting (likes to go with the flow) Assertive or turbulent Each trait has their own good and bad. For example, thinking types are very good at logic, but they are weak at emotions. Feeling types are good at emotions but weaker with logic. Another example, judging types are great at planning but struggle with change, while prospecting types are quick to adapt but struggle with planning. When we know the personality type of other people, we can appreciate their strengths and not demand them to change their weaknesses. You can take the 16 Personalities Test here: https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test You can take the Four Tendencies Test here: https://quiz.gretchenrubin.com/four-tendencies-quiz/ After you do these personality tests, you will get a result. The result tells you your objective strengths and weaknesses. Then, you should get your partner to take those personality tests and compare your different strengths and weaknesses. Then you will know how to focus on each other’s strengths and work around each other’s weaknesses instead of ignoring each other’s strengths and complaining about each other’s weaknesses. Conclusion If there’s anything worth investing in, it’s your relationships. Quality relationships make us happy and healthy, and improving relationships is not rocket science. Three simple but extremely effective ways to improve relationships are Showing love in their love language Seeking first to understand them deeply Focus on each other’s strengths These tips will surely improve any relationship, whether it be family, friends, colleagues, or romance.

Featuring stress, burnout, trauma, PTSD, depression, and addiction. Image Source In the past, mental illness was a taboo topic. If you have to see a therapist, people thought something was wrong with you. While that stigma isn’t completely gone yet, nowadays, mental health and illness are becoming talked about more and more. Just like how no one looks down on you if you go to the doctor for a physical illness, no one should look down on you for seeking help for a mental illness. Mental illnesses are far and wide, and their causes and treatment and still being researched. This article will talk about four major mental illnesses: Stress and Burnout Trauma and PTSD Depression Addiction The information in this article comes Medical Medium’s blog and two of his books: Medical Medium: Secrets Behind Chronic and Mystery Illness and How to Finally Heal and Life-Changing Foods. 1: Stress and Burnout Stress has been deemed the health epidemic of the twenty-first century by The World Health Organization. According to the American Institute of stress, 73% of people say stress impacts their mental health, and 77% for physical health. Clearly, stress is a big and wide problem. Image Source Our Adrenal Addicted Culture When we get stressed, our fight-or-flight response turns on, and our adrenal glands release adrenaline into the body, which prepares us for danger. This was useful in the past when humans were hunter gatherers. But in our modern age, we get triggered into stress by so many more things, whether it be the news, our unread messages, a mean colleague, or a fight with the spouse. As a result, the adrenal glands get worn out. The Medical Medium refers to this as adrenal fatigue. Adrenaline is an addictive drug, and it’s made within our own bodies. Like other addictive drugs, our body can become numb to it over time. We get so used to this hormone being in our blood that we forget what a normal, healthy life feels like. The moment people get a chance to relax, they feel less “alive”, so then they go back to trying to be over-busy and overstimulated. They go back to their overflowing inboxes, never-ending to-do lists, and fears about their lives to get that adrenaline going again. Adrenal to the brain is like lighter fluid to a fire. If you want to get a fire burning, lighter fluid will give it a boost. But as a result of the lighter fluid, the fire will burn really intensely and die out faster. The same is true for our brains. Adrenaline helps us accomplish more faster, but people are burning out faster too. All that constant adrenaline in the brain burns out neurotransmitters, electrical nerve impulses, and neurons before their limit. That’s a big reason why so many people are getting Alzheimer’s, brain fog, memory loss, depression, forgetfulness, insomnia, and dementia. How do we deal with stress in a healthy way then? A critical step is to see stress as the great teacher, not as the enemy. The only way to protect ourselves from the dangers of our changing world is to change along with it. Handling Stress Different people have different coping methods, such as exercise, meditation, and prayer. These are all helpful. Someone people find ways to cut back on responsibilities and to-dos; that’s another great way. But many people cannot cut back on their responsibilities, and that’s where making friends with stress becomes critical. You can learn to stop the adrenaline rush by viewing stress as a messenger. When you feel stress, ask yourself, “What is this stress trying to tell me?” Instead of trying to “manage” your stress, try to communicate with it. Maybe it’s trying to tell you that something in your life can be improved. Or it’s telling you that you are needed, that you have a purpose in this world. Did you ever have a teacher in school who really pushed you, maybe even frustrated you, but now you look back on them as your best teacher? That’s what stress is like. View stress like a teacher. We can appreciate stress, because without it, where would we be? There would be no challenge to inspire us. And always remember impermanence: nothing stays the same. When you’re feeling stress pushing you to the max in this moment, remind yourself that this too will pass. When we view stress as a messenger, friend, and teacher, it becomes less stressful. When we appreciate it and recognize its impermanence, it doesn’t send the same jolt of excess adrenaline. Stress and Food A lot of people reach for a snack when stressed. It’s not a bad instinct, but the key is to eat the right things. Don’t eat highly processed foods or high-protein and high-fat foods. These will only add more stress to the body. Instead, eat healing foods such as fruits and vegetables. Examples of great foods that support adrenal function are sprouts, asparagus, wild blueberries, bananas, garlic, broccoli, kale, raspberries, blackberries, lettuce, and red-skinned apples. 2: Trauma and Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) PTSD is when someone experiences the lingering of negative feelings that resulted from a difficult time in the past. These feelings include fear, doubt, insecurity, worry, panic, anger, defensiveness, sadness, frustration, resentment, shame, powerlessness, lack of self-worth, and distrust. Image Source Causes Severe cases are commonly reported by soldiers who experienced war. But PTSD can also happen from things like A child’s parents divorcing A teenager who can’t find a prom date Extremely turbulence on a plane Getting fired from a job Having a bad breakup Illness There are no limitations to what can cause PTSD. When someone experiences a traumatic event, their brain has a chemical imbalance. If the brain doesn’t have enough glucose (sugar) reserves, then that trauma can have a lasting effect on the brain. Glucose is a protective biochemical for our brain’s tissue. It neutralizes the acidity of adrenaline and cortisol, which get released from feelings of stress, anger, fear, frustration, and hopelessness. It also neutralizes the electrical storms that happen in the brain during a traumatic event. If glucose were compared to money, then a traumatic event would be like buying a new car. And a long-term trauma, like an abusive relationship, could have the same effect on your glucose reserves as buying a new house. Humans intuitively understand sugar as a calming device. It’s why the doctor gives a child a lollipop as a reward for sticking through a needle shot. The problem is, our society is full of bad sugar with no nutritional value. Healing PTSD One of the most powerful ways to heal PTSD is to create new experiences that serve as positive reference points in your life. When you accumulate positive experiences, it will help you put the negative ones behind. These positive experiences don’t have to be big. It can be a nice peaceful walk in the park. The important thing is how you perceive each new adventure. For example, did you see any birds on your walk? Was it sunny? How did you feel? Keep a journal to record all your new positive experiences. Journaling will help you become aware of all the goodness life brings even when you’re not looking for it, and it will help your mind put the negative experiences behind. Think of your mind as a garden. Those negative experiences are weeds. Every time you recognize a positive experience and journal about it, it’s like plucking out a weed and planting a seed. It can take three to four months of doing this to feel like yourself again, so patience is key. We can also eat healing foods to restore glucose to the brain and build up our glucose reserves. Some great foods are wild blueberries, melons, beets, bananas, persimmons, papayas, sweet potatoes, figs, oranges, mangoes, apples, and dates. 3: Depression Real clinical depression is completely different from just feeling down or low in energy. Telling someone with depression to just “cheer up” isn’t helpful. A person with depression told the Medical Medium that depression felt like someone dropped her off a train in the middle of nowhere, then the train left her all alone, with no way home. Image Source Someone who is clinically depressed may have symptoms such as Sadness Loss of interest in activities that used to provide pleasure Slow thinking, speaking, or movement Thoughts of self-harm Depression can be caused emotionally or physically. From an emotional perspective, depression might get caused by traumatic loss and long-term stress. From a physical perspective, depression might get caused by heavy metals and the Epstein-Barr Virus (EBV). Traumatic Loss Traumatic loss is the most obvious reason for depression Loss of a loved one: The death of a family member or other loved one Loss of trust and close relationship: Finding out your spouse cheated on you Loss of security and identity: Getting fired from a job that was the center of your life Loss of faith: Suffering a huge injustice that makes you decide the universe is cruel Loss of your future: Having reason to believe you will die soon (loss of your future) These traumatic emotions can create micro-strokes in the brain, which scar the brain tissue on a level so small that current brain scans cannot detect them. The news of a traumatic loss makes our brain shut down the emotional center as a way to protect us from too much pain at once. It’s kind of like putting up a wall against an attack. This is why depressed people also feel numb and pessimistic. The good news though is that we can rebuild our mental resources and heal our depression. Traumatic Stress Another major cause of depression is severe stress sustained over long periods of time. Examples include: Being unemployed for many months and constantly worrying about how you will pay the bills Going through a combative divorce Enduring a major illness that makes you feel afraid and helpless Well-intentioned people might tell to a depressed person “have perspective”. For example, they might tell you that there are starving children in Arica, or that at least you still have your arms and legs. But logic like this doesn’t always help with our emotional experience of a situation. These stressful events trigger the fight-or-flight response in our body, which sets our adrenal glands to flood the blood with adrenaline. That would be good if you had to run away from a tiger, but when we are constantly stressed and unable to turn off those adrenal glands, then our blood gets saturated with adrenaline. Too much adrenaline in the blood damages our organs, especially the brain. The adrenaline destroys neurotransmitters and lowers melatonin production, which makes you feel depressed and lost. Heavy Metals and Other Toxins Another type of depression happens to people where it seems like everything is perfect. They have a loving family, a great job, a beautiful house, and they feel gratitude for all of it. Yet, somehow, an unexplainable cloud of depression arrives and looms over everything. It makes them feel like something is missing, and they feel unable to get out of bed. The people around them can’t understand, saying things like “You’ve got everything so good! How can you be depressed?” This type of depression is due heavy metals, such as mercury, aluminum, and copper, being in the central area of the brain. People accumulate heavy metals through daily life. Seafood often contains mercury, soda cans have aluminum, and your tap water might come from copper pipes. When these heavy metals are in the brain, and the person also eats a high-fat high-protein diet, then the metals will start oxidizing, which disrupts the brain’s electrical impulse activity, which can then create depression. The oxidizing isn’t continuous either, which means you might episodes of depression randomly, with no apparent reason for each episode. Non-metal toxins can also do the same thing, and they include Pesticides and herbicides: These in are the air near a farm, non-organic food, parks Formaldehyde: This chemical is in thousands of household products and also used as a food preservative Solvents: These are in household cleaning products Food additives: MSG, sulfites (a preservative in dried fruit), aspartame Viral Infection Millions of people suffer from depression as a result of a virus such as EBV. The viruses attaches onto nerves and continually inflames them. They also release a poison, called neurotoxin, which inflames brain cells and disrupt the electric signals in the brain, which can lead to depression. Healing from Depression The first step is to identify your cause of depression, then address that cause. Just knowing what’s behind your depression can have an enormously validating and healing effect. If it’s a traumatic loss, then healing it would be similar to healing PTSD. If it’s traumatic stress, then healing it would be similar to handling burnout. If it’s toxins or viral infections, then eat healing foods to strengthen your brain tissue and detoxify your brain. The best foods to add to your diet to help with depression are wild blueberries, spinach, hemp seeds, cilantro, walnuts, coconut oil, sprouts, kale, apricots, and avocados. Medical Medium also has a heavy metal detox smoothie. 4: Addiction We probably all know people who have some sort of addiction, whether it be to cigarettes, alcohol, drugs, video games, shopping, or sweets. Addictions can be one of the hardest battles we fight in our lives. According to the Medical Medium, there are actually two different roots behind addiction: glucose deficiency and adrenaline dependency. Image Source Cause 1: Glucose Deficiency Glucose is a sugar found in fruits and starchy vegetables. The brain needs enough glucose to function. When we’re lacking glucose, we might crave a sugary treat or bread or pasta, but what our body really needs is glucose from fruits and vegetables. Glucose deficiency in the brain contributes to 90% of addictions. Almost everyone has depleted glucose reserves, and that’s due to a high fat diet (meat and other animal products are high in fat). When our blood has too much fat, it’s hard for the glucose in the blood to move around. Then the body needs more insulin to move transport the glucose and push it into our cells, which creates insulin resistance. If you’re trying to break any addiction, then keep the fats low, whether you’re a meat eater, vegetarian, or vegan. That means limit the meat, dairy, oils, nuts, and seeds. Even though nuts and seeds are healthier fats, they are still fat and need to be limited. Cause 2: Adrenaline Dependency When our glucose levels get depleted, that opens the door to addictions, and that sets us up for adrenaline addiction. If our glucose reserves are empty, then the adrenal glands will begin pumping adrenaline into the body so that we can get through our day. That adrenaline surge should feel like a rush of energy, almost like you’re shaking inside. But nowadays, people are always running on adrenaline that they don’t even notice it. Becoming hooked on the feeling of adrenaline usually happens unconsciously, and it contributes to almost all addictions. Addressing Addictions Most people nowadays have some kind of issue with food. Some eat too much; others eat too little, still others are always concerned about what to eat, while others forget to eat altogether. Many people use food to cope with emotionally difficulty. People often grab sugary foods like candy, cakes, sodas, processed foods, and even alcohol. But these foods give the wrong type of glucose, and as a result, we can get addicted to the wrong kind of sugar. What the body is really craving is the natural glucose from fresh fruits, leafy greens, and starchy vegetables (like potatoes). These foods having healing glucose that support neurotransmitters and keep addiction away. If we lack glucose reserves, then our adrenal glands will make adrenaline even in anticipation of whatever you’re addicted to. For example, if you’re addicted to alcohol, you can feel the adrenaline rush before you even drink the alcohol. That’s why it’s so hard to break an addiction cycle once it begins, and why it’s so important to supply your body with lots of natural glucose from fresh fruits and vegetables. Specific Addiction Examples Alcohol If you’re addicted to alcohol, then your brain is desperate for glucose. The sugar in alcohol gets into the brain quickly, but it is very harmful. Replace your wine and vodka from the actual fruit that the drinks come from: grapes and potatoes. You can also eat snacks between meals like dates, dried mango, and fresh papaya. Drugs If you’re addicted to any kind of drug, then you’re probably suffering both glucose deficiency and adrenaline addiction. To break a drug addiction, you need lots of mineral salts from vegetables, leafy greens, and fruits. A glass of lemon water in the morning is a great way to get mineral salts. You also need to get healing glucose from fruits like wild blueberries, apples, melons, mangoes, and papaya. Celery juice is another great tool to heal from all addictions, but especially drug addictions, because it detoxifies the body. Salt If you’re addicted to salty foods, it’s likely that your body lacks mineral salts needed for your brain’s neurotransmitters and for the adrenal glands. This addiction happens when someone overuses their adrenals. Mineral salts do not come from the refined salt, sea salt, or Himalayan salt that we add to food for flavor. Mineral salts come from fruits, leafy greens, vegetables, and celery juice. Supporting our adrenal glands with mineral salts is a critical first step to break or prevent an addiction. Sugar and Fat If you’re addicted to sugary processed foods, it’s a sign of glucose deficiency. Your brain and liver need the natural glucose from fruits and vegetables to survive, not the refined sugar from processed foods. Processed foods are addictive because of the combination of unhealthy sugars and unhealthy fat, which make them taste so great. A prime example is ice cream. But foods high in unhealthy fat don’t allow the sugar to go into the body’s cells and organs. So even after eating those sugary foods, you still don’t feel satisfied. If you swap your unhealthy sugars for healthy sugars from foods like dates, apples, honey, dried apricots, or figs, then your addiction to the bad sugar will disappear. Cigarettes Yes, nicotine is an addictive drug, and it’s one of the reasons why smokers are addicted to cigarettes. But another reason is because of the adrenaline that floods your blood when you’re an active smoker. Before you even smoke that cigarette, that anticipation already causes an adrenaline rush. When people try to quit smoking, their appetite ramps up. That’s because when the adrenaline surge finally calms down, they can feel the low. One way to help fight a cigarette addiction is to use high-quality chocolate. Chocolate isn’t great for all addictions, but it can be good to fight smoking. Get two packs of cigarettes. Empty the first box and take some cigarettes out of the second box. Break a part off a high-quality chocolate bar, and put it in the empty box. Keep the two boxes next to each other. Since nicotine is aromatic, the chocolate pieces will soak up some nicotine. When you feel the urge to smoke, take a piece of chocolate and put it in your mouth. Don’t chew or swallow; just let them melt in your mouth completely. Then the next time, take a cigarette from the box with cigarettes. Over time, reduce the amount of cigarettes at a pace that feels manageable. Another way is to only smoke when you’re walking outside. Walking will help you take in more oxygen, and you may feel more calm due to the gentle movement. The adrenaline form your body is also better used when you’re walking compared to when you’re just standing and smoking. Finally, it’s more challenging to walk and smoke, which might make you less tempted to smoke. Conclusion This article looked at four major mental illnesses: stress, trauma, depression, and addiction. Mental illnesses are very complex, and there’s still a lot of research being done on them. This article looked at mental illnesses from Medical Medium’s perspective, which focuses on natural solutions through emotion and food. Different mental illnesses have different causes, and not knowing the cause is one of the most stressful and hardest things for victims. Once you know the cause of your mental illness, you’ve already won half the battle. Then we should follow the specific advice for treating that illness. Like physical ailments, mental ailments can be healed with proper treatment and time. Check your understanding questions: What does adrenaline do and what is adrenal fatigue? How can we deal with stress in a healthy way? How does a traumatic event lead to a lasting impact on a person’s brain? How can people heal from PTSD? What are symptoms of clinical depression? What are four causes of depression? How can people heal from each cause? What are two causes of addiction? Explain them. How can people break addictions? Give two examples.

“If you are satisfied with who you are, you don’t need to prove your worth to anyone else.” —Jay Shetty Image Source Many people nowadays only feel good about themselves in comparison to others. If they compare themselves to others who aren’t as “good” as them, they feel good. If they compare themselves to others who are “better” than them, they feel bad. That’s ego. Another common situation is feeling happy when hearing praise, but feeling upset or thinking “something is wrong with me” when hearing criticism. That’s also a sign of too much ego. On the other hand, someone who has high self-esteem is happy and confident about their worth regardless of how much other people engage in comparison towards them. For example, the person could be poor and stand next to a millionaire and still feel good about their self-worth. Or the person gets criticized for being bad at something, but they don’t feel like it’s an attack on their self-worth. In his book, Think Like a Monk, Jay Shetty explains the difference between ego and self-esteem: It goes without saying that ego is not helpful. It harms us in many ways: It makes us liars, which breaks trust and ruins relationships It creates false hierarchies, which creates discrimination and ruins kindness It creates judgment, which ruins our character It creates arrogance and prevents learning and growth So the question is, how do we build self-esteem and reduce ego? This article will go over three ways: Live consciously according to YOUR values Cultivate humility Cultivate kindness 1: Live consciously according to YOUR values Imagine if the famous basketball player Michael Jordan went to a golfing camp. He meets the famous golf player, Tiger Woods, and now he feels bad about himself because he’s not very good at golf. That would be absurd! Yet how many of us compare ourselves to others based on things that shouldn’t matter to us? First identify your values The problem most of us face is that we do not consciously and intentionally decide on our values. In other words, we don’t pick what we deem as important. We just accept and inherit what other people around us think are important. When we live our lives trying to impress others based on values that we didn’t consciously choose, then we will be tired and stressed all the time. Therefore, the first step is to get clear on your values. Once you are clear on your values, you have a compass to guide you towards people, actions, and habits that are best for you. Jay Shetty tells us to play the Media Mind Game: List your values. Identify the origin of that value. Reflect on whether or not that value aligns with your true self. Here is an example: Then consciously choose your values Jay encourages us to avoid lower values, which demote us to anxiety, depression, and suffering. Instead, we should adopt higher values, which propel us towards happiness, fulfillment, and meaning. He also notes that happiness and success are not values; they are rewards. Then live by those values After identifying and choosing your true values, audit your life to see if you are living in accordance with those values. If yes, then you will naturally be happy with yourself. If not, then you have every reason to be upset at yourself. Let’s say your values are family, kindness, health, and growth. You’ve realized that money and fame were instilled in you by media, and you don’t actually value those things. Now that you are on clear on your values, audit how you spend your time, money, and energy. If it’s aligned with your values, then you should feel good about yourself. If not, then you should feel bad and make changes. For example, let’s say in the past week, you observed yourself: Very little time talking to family; was rude to them and looked at phone when talking to them Barely any time spent on exercising Spent a lot of time scrolling through people’s perfect images on social media Ate some healthy food but a lot of junk food Didn’t spend any free time learning new things Worked A LOT In the past, when you unconsciously valued money, fame, and beauty, you might feel bad about yourself because you’re working so hard and yet there’s still all these other people with more money, fame, and beauty than you. Now, you can look at your actions and feel bad about yourself because you didn’t live according to your real values. That bad feeling motivates you to change. The next week, you consciously planned your time (maybe using the 4th Generation Calendar Tool) Spent 2 hours of quality time with family on the weekend Spent 15 minutes exercising every day Didn’t scroll mindlessly through people’s perfect social media Ate mostly healthy food Spent 30 minutes of free time every day learning something new Still worked a lot In the past, when you unconsciously valued money, fame, and image, even if you did all this stuff, you might still feel bad about yourself. But now that you’ve clarified your true values, you can feel great about yourself. When others talk to you about how much money that other guy is making, or how many followers that girl has on social media, you no longer feel uncomfortable inside. You are clear about how those things are not important to you, and you can even be happy for them if they value those things and are successful at those things. In summary, you need to get clear on YOUR values, and then consciously make decisions to spend your time, money, and energy to match those values. When it comes to comparison, only compare based on YOUR values. If others start comparing about money, but money is not your value, then it won’t affect your confidence. If others start talking about kindness and make you realize you have a lot to improve there, then sure, feel a little bad about yourself as a way to motivate yourself to improve in something that you care about. 2: Practice Humility Here’s a secret to not feeling bad about yourself: value humility. Judge yourself based on your humility. Image Source In his book, Liao Fan’s Four Lessons, Liao Fan explains that the best way to approach social interactions is with humility: “A humble person in society receives support and trust from the general public. If a person understands the virtue of humility, he is the person who also understands the importance of constant self improvement. This constant self improvement not only includes the search for higher knowledge, but also encompasses the need to be more humane, better performance in daily duties, and improved communication with friends.” Therefore, humility means valuing self-improvement. The ego wants to think it’s perfect, so the ego feels threatened by the idea of needing to improve. But a humble person always feels that she can improve, and she judges herself based on how humble she is. If she sees others who are better than her at something that matters to her, she won’t feel bad about herself. She will think, “Great! I’ve found teachers that I can learn from.” If others criticize her, she won’t have the urge to argue back because she knows she has a lot to improve on. In my own experience of practicing humility, I recited these lines from the book Di Zi Gui for many months: If I get angry when others tell me my faults, good people will leave and bad people will come. If am I appreciative when hearing criticism and cautious when hearing praise, good people will come. If I see others’ virtues, I will diligently follow their example. If I see others’ vices, I will vigilantly guard against that vice. Whatever extra time I have, I should use it to study and learn from Sages (people of highest virtues) I mustn’t give up on myself, for greatness can be trained. I recited once the morning to remind myself and once at night to check up on myself. Over time, I naturally found myself thinking and acting humbly. That greatly reduced my ego and increased by self-esteem. A Real Example: Tom Bilyeu Image Source Tom Bilyeu is a great example of someone who switched from ego to humility. In his interview with Jay Shetty, Tom explained how when he was younger, he called himself “The King of Menial Jobs” because he would always take on jobs way below his ability level just so that he could hear people say, “Hey, why are you even here? You’re totally overqualified for this job.” Hearing that made his ego feel great. But he never accomplished much in life as a result. He comments, “Most people build their self-esteem around something stupid. So most people build their self-esteem around being right, being good, being smart, being worthy, and they see all of those as permanent traits. And so anything that challenges them being smart... it sucks.” Later, when he was trying to start his own company, he had the opportunity to meet many smart people. He recalls one time in a meeting, he knew his idea was not the best, but he just kept arguing for his idea. Eventually, the other people yielded to him and just said, “Fine fine you can have it your way.” Afterwards, he reflected and realized that his big ego is not helping him at all. If he truly wanted to grow and improve, he needed to be humble. He says, “I decided in that moment, I’m going to start valuing myself for how rapidly I can admit when I’m wrong, how much I learn, how much time and energy I put into learning, and once I switched that, and I switched my identity and behaviors around to being the learner, then all of a sudden everything changed, and that’s when I went on hockey stick growth.” He later went on to become a billionaire. 3: Practice Kindness Here’s the secret to a happy and fulfilling life: value kindness. Image Source Whereas humility helps you not feel bad about yourself, kindness naturally makes you feel good about yourself. When we help others, we naturally realize we have value in this word, that we are needed in this world. The ego is selfish and entitled. It makes you think that other people should be doing things for you. But a kind (and humble) person is altruistic. She focuses on helping others. When her energy is on helping others, she won’t be focused on comparing herself to others. She simply wants to help. It doesn’t matter if the other person is a beggar or a billionaire, she feels the same feeling of loving kindness towards us. If a person with a kind heart gets criticized, she won’t be upset. She recognizes that others are coming from a bad place, a place of fear, stress, comparison, and ego. She will be focused on helping others, not on trying to argue with proves or prove them wrong. She might help by giving them a warm smile in return. Or she might just leave them alone if that’s what’s most appropriate. She certainly wouldn’t add to their suffering. In my own experience of practicing kindness, I recited these lines from the book Di Zi Gui for many months: What’s good for others, I’ll do my best to provide. What’s bad for them, I’ll do my best to keep away. Whatever abilities I have, I mustn’t be selfish with them. I should love all people, for we all live on the same Earth and under the same sky. I should praise other people’s virtues and not broadcast their faults. If I force others, their hearts will not be with me. If I can get their hearts with me, they will have no objections. I recited once the morning to remind myself and once at night to check up on myself. Over time, I naturally found myself thinking and acting with kindness. That greatly increased my sense of value and fulfillment. A Real Example: Adam Robinson Image Source Adam Robinson is a rated chess master and an advisor to the world’s largest investment firms in charge of billionaires of dollars. Here’s his advice on improving yourself and finding happiness: “One of the problems with self-help books is they rivet your attention on exactly the one thing it ought not to be focused on: yourself. You look at any of the great religious traditions, and the great philosophers, and the great poets, they all had the same message of focusing on others, and being of service to others. I think the people who are going on search to 'find themselves,' will never find themselves. You find yourself only in the midst of others.” On episode 322 of the Tim Ferriss Show, he answered the question, “In the last five years, what new belief, behavior or habit has most improved your life?” Below is his answer. The understanding, which has become a habit that has most improved my life in the last five years, dramatically so, is recognizing the importance of others and not only changing the world, but in enjoying it. By nature, I’m an introvert, so much so that some friends revealed after high school that there were students, classmates of mine, who had never seen me speak, not once in all of high school. … It came as a surprise [to me] relatively late in life – in fact, only in the past year – that if you want to change the world, you have to enroll others in your plans and vision. Not only that, but I discovered the immense pleasures and satisfactions that can be derived from focusing on others and putting them first, and the surprising discovery that the more I gave to others, which I’d always done, the more the universe gave me back in return, whereas in the past when I went outside and encountered others, I would invariably be lost in thought. Now, I am solely focused not inwardly on my ideas, but outwardly on connecting with others. … My three guiding rules of life: First, whenever possible, connect with others; Second, with enthusiasm, strive always to create fun and delight for others; And third, lean into each moment and every encounter expecting magic or miracles. This discovery so profoundly altered my life path, revealing for the first time my true mission on this planet, that I now divide my life into two periods: Pre-discovery of others and post-discovery. Now, I so eagerly look forward to leaving my home each day, wondering what magic I’ll create encountering others that I can scarcely contain myself. My days now have a natural rhythm between introversion and extraversion that is akin to breathing. When I’m alone, I inhale my ideas, and then I exhale with others. The number of remarkable people and serendipities and successes that have come into my life since I’ve adopted this awareness of others, which quickly developed into a reflexive habit of directing my attention solely on them when I’m not alone has been nothing short of astonishing. Conclusion People have a lack of self-esteem because they judge themselves according to values set by the media, such as wealth, fame, and appearance. These are all low values that focus on greed and comparison, leading to negativity. To build a healthy self-esteem, we should consciously choose to judge ourselves based on higher values like love, kindness, and humility. Another reason why people have low self-esteem is because of a big ego. When we have a big ego, we base our sense of confidence, self-worth, and happiness on being “better” than other people or on being smart and capable. This type of self-confidence is very fragile and shaky because there will always be other people who are “better” or smarter or more capable. In order to overcome a big ego, we need to practice humility. That means judging yourself not based on how much you know or how capable you are, but rather how much you are learning and improving. Di Zi Gui gives many guidelines that we can recite to train our minds to be humble. Another way to overcome ego is to practice kindness. That means focusing on serving others instead of expecting others to do things for you. When we help others, we automatically feel that we have value in this world, that we are needed in this world. This is a healthy sense of self-worth. Di Zi Gui also offers many guidelines that we can recite to train our minds towards kindness.

A story on the virtues of benevolence and yielding. Yan Hui (顏回) was a student of Confucius, and he was often praised by Confucius for his ability to never make the same mistake twice. He was later deemed one of the four sages in Confucianism. Image Source One day, when Yan Hui was walking through a village, he saw a large crowd of people outside a cloth store. Wondering what all the commotion was about, he went to check out the situation. He heard the buyer say loudly, “3 times 8 is 23! Why do you charge me 24 dollars?!” Yan Hui then walked up to the buyer, gave a polite bow, and said, “Dear friend, 3 times 8 is 24. How can it be 23? You must have made a mistake. There’s no need to argue over it anymore.” The buyer became even angrier, pointed at Yan Hui’s face, and said, “Who invited you here? What credibility do you have to tell me anything? The only person who can judge if I’m right or wrong is Confucius!” Yan Hui replied, “OK. If Confucius judges you to be wrong, what will you do?” The man replied, “If Confucius says I’m wrong, then I’ll cut my head off and give it to you. What about you? What if Confucius says you’re wrong?” Yan Hui replied, “If Confucius says I’m wrong, then I’ll give you my hat.” The two men then went to Confucius and explained to him the situation. Confucius smiled, looked at Yan Hui, and said, “3 times 8 is 23! You lose. Give your hat to this man.” Yan Hui deeply respected Confucius, so he gave his hat to the man without any argument. The man happily took the hat and walked away satisfied. Although on the surface, Yan Hui complied with Confucius, but in his heart, he still couldn’t understand how 3 times 8 could be 23. He thought Confucius was growing old and senile, so he decided he didn’t want to learn from him anymore. The next day, Yan Hui pretended that his family had some emergency affairs that he must attend to, and he asked for permission to return home. Confucius understood, so he nodded and gave Yan Hui permission. Before Yan Hui left, Confucius said, “Remember: Do not take shelter from thunder under a large tree. Do not kill when the situation is unclear.” Yan Hui replied, “I will remember your words, Master.” He then started his journey home. On his way, the sky suddenly turned dark, and soon, a thunderstorm started. He looked around for shelter, and he found a cavity in a large tree. He ran inside to take shelter from the heavy rain. But then he remembered his master’s words, “Do not take shelter from thunder under a large tree.” He thought to himself, “Well, I do respect Confucius. Let’s listen to him one more time.” Yan Hui left the tree and started journeying again in the rain. Shortly after he left the tree, a bolt of lightning stroke that tree and destroyed it into smithereens. Image Source: Unsplash Yan Hui was shocked and thought, “The Master’s first words proved to be true! What about the later words? Am I really going to kill anyone?” Yan Hui continued his journey home, and by the time he finally arrived, it was already late midnight. He didn’t want to wake anyone up by lighting a lamp and announcing his arrival, so he went to the bedroom and used his sword to quietly pry open the door. When he was about to go into bed, he first felt for his wife. Then he felt another person. Upon closer inspection, he saw that there was a head at the top of the bed and another head at the bottom. Yan Hui was furious, thinking that his wife had cheated on him. He raised his sword and was about to cut off the head of the second person. Then he remembered Confucius’s words, “Do not kill when the situation is unclear.” He then lit a lamp and saw that on one end of the bed was his wife, and on the other end was his wife’s sister. The next day, Yan Hui immediately went back to Confucius. Upon seeing his teacher, he knelt and said, “Teacher, your words yesterday saved my life! Not only my life, but also the lives of my wife and wife’s sister! How did you know what was going to happen in the future?” Confucius raised Yan Hui up and told him, “Yesterday, the weather was extremely hot and dry, which meant a thunderstorm was bound to arrive soon. That’s why I told you to not take shelter from thunder under a large tree. Moreover, you left with anger while carrying a sword. That’s why I told you to not kill when the situation is unclear.” Yan Hui bowed and said, “Your wisdom is extraordinary!” Confucius then added, “I know you made up an excuse to return home, thinking I was probably growing old and senile, so you didn’t want to learn from me anymore. I want you to think deeper about what happened. If I said 3 times 8 is 23, all you lose is your hat. But if I said 3 times 8 is 24, then the other person would lose his life. What do you think is more important, a hat or a life?” Yan Hui suddenly understood, knelt down, and said, “The Master values righteousness heavily, and in my ignorance, I thought you were growing senile. I am extremely ashamed!” From then on, Yan Hui always remained faithfully by Confucius’s side. ------- Commentary: Although what Confucius did may seem like nothing special, it was indeed extremely rare and risky at the time. He lived during the Spring Autumn period in China’s history, where many small countries were all at war with each other. During that time, the lives of commoners were viewed as disposable. The fact that Confucius would risk his distinguished reputation and the trust of his student to save the life of a lowly commoner teaches us the meaning of benevolence and humanity. In our own daily lives, how often do we try to win at the expense of other people’s suffering? We have to realize that always being “right” not only hurts others, it often hurts ourselves too. If you argue with your customer and you win, then you’ve lost business. If you argue with your boss and you win, then you’ve lost a promotion. If you argue with your spouse and you win, then you’ve lost love and trust. The point isn’t that you shouldn’t be logical. The point is that in human relationships, trust and love are more important than being right. How can people believe you have their best intentions if you’re always trying to prove yourself right? How can people feel that you love them if you’re always trying to win? The ancient sages saw yielding as a virtue. Being able to yield is not a sign of weakness, but rather a sign of moral cultivation. Someone who can yield is humble; they won't try to prove themselves right for their own ego. Someone who can yield is also kind; they focus on giving happiness to others over pleasure for oneself. Modern society teaches us to seek victory. The ancient sages taught us to be benevolent and yielding.