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This doesn't just apply to teacher-student relationships, this applies to all relationships, whether Many years ago, my relationship with my mother involved a lot of mutual criticizing.

I didn’t want to ruin any relationships among the classmates or have any negative bias towards any of Thus, a happier relationship and a better world all starts with us practicing the Golden Rule: "Treat we can always treat others the way we want to be treated, with kindness, then we will have happier relationships

She's always tried to have a good relationship with her mother-in-law, but her mother-in-law is very Soon after, her mother-in-law passed away, and she felt at ease that they managed to sort out their relationship

But as I reflected more on this, I realized that this kind of relationship is not real love. We can apply real love to other relationships too. In a good teacher-to-student relationship, the teacher senses what is best for the student and takes In a good business-client relationship, the business takes initiative to sense what the customer needs If I just want a transactional relationship, then I don't need to do that.

It is a story about pursuing dreams, overcoming challenges, and building relationships. The same can be said for the parent-child or the leader-follower relationships. The same goes for any relationship. Is that person really unchangeable? Lesson 3: The success of everything depends on endurance If we want to build anything, whether it's a relationship The same is true in our own relationships.

Have you ever been in an embarrassing situation and not know what to do in the moment? Recently, I was at a lunch event with one of my teachers, Venerable Chengde, and someone did something quite embarrassing. I was really impressed by the way my teacher handled the situation. Basically, lots of people were talking with my teacher and inviting him to give lectures at different places. He said, "I appreciate the invitations, but I really need to settle down and improve my own abilities first. Otherwise, I don't have much to help others with. Also, this year has been extremely busy for me. As you can see, I'm becoming more and more skinny. This is setting a bad example for people. If I don't make some adjustments, I'll end up heroically sacrificing myself." Then the person beside my teacher started clapping with a big smile. Immediately after, the person beside that person said, "What are you doing?! You can't clap!" He probably misunderstood Venerable Chengde's words, and when he realized that no one wants Venerable Chengde to die from exhaustion, he felt really embarrassed. I was thinking, "Well, this is quite awkward…" Then, Venerable Chengde said: "It's okay. We need to see the intention behind his action." Image Source Then he shared a couple stories: When I was studying under Venerable Jing Kong in Australia, there was a special guest who requested to sit near Venerable Jing Kong. That night at dinner, she found out her seat was right beside Venerable Jing Kong. She was quite startled and told the organizer 'I said closer, but not this close!' She was probably nervous because Venerable Jing Kong has such high prestige. Anyway, as they were eating, she suddenly said, 'Venerable Jing Kong, you truly have natural radiance!' Immediately, the person beside her said, "This isn't natural radiance! This is the magnificent image of Buddhism!" Suddenly, the atmosphere got really awkward, and no one knew what to say. Then, Venerable Jing Kong said, "Natural radiance is good." Immediately, she signed a breath of relief. You see, Venerable Jing Kong saw the intention behind her actions. To her, 'natural radiance' is already the biggest compliment she could come up with. She doesn't have 'magnificent image of Buddhism' in her vocabulary bank. The person who criticized her only saw her action, but not the intention behind her actions. A similar situation happened to the Buddha. One day, he went out to beg for food as usual. There was a little girl playing happily with some mud. When she saw the magnificent image of the Buddha, she felt extremely moved, and she rushed over to give him the mud she was playing with. When she put the mud in the Buddha's bowl, the student beside the Buddha got really angry and said, "What are you doing?! You can't put mud in the Buddha's bowl!" The Buddha immediately stopped his student and his, "It's okay. Today, I received treasure. Thank you." You see, the student was overly focused on the girl's actions, so he got angry. But the Buddha saw the intention behind the action. To that little girl, the mud was her favorite thing in the world, and she was willing to give it to the Buddha. That is precious. Likewise, we need to see the intention behind this person when he clapped for me. My feeling is that he has a strong sense of heroism, and he is willing to sacrifice himself for others, and that is very precious." After my teacher finished speaking, everyone's look towards that man changed from awkwardness to smiles. He himself felt relieved. My Reflection Oftentimes, people have positive or neutral intentions, but we misinterpret their intentions as negative, or we just overly focus on their actions. As a result, we create awkwardness, or even worse, conflict, when we really didn't need to. For example, one time my neighbor brought over a lot of pears from his pear tree to my house. I said to my mother, "Wow, that's a lot of pears." Shortly after, another neighbor came over, so I gave some of the pears to that neighbor. Later, my mother later said, "Why did you give so many pears to them? You should've consulted with me first! I had other plans for those pears." I felt upset because I thought I was doing a good thing to share the pears with others. My mother was logically correct that I should have checked with her first, but I would have felt better if she could affirm my intentions first by saying, "It's great that you like to share good things with others, but next time you should check with me first. After all, the neighbor gave it to us, not you, and I might have other plans for those pears." But anyway, we cannot demand others to change, we can only change ourselves. Therefore, I can cultivate my humility and remind myself to never assume negative intentions. Instead, either assume positive intentions from others, or check their intentions. I heard another example where a student was really tired and overslept past breakfast. When she woke up, she was angry at her roommate for not waking her up to go eat breakfast. Her roommate got upset too because she thought it would be better to let her sleep more since she was so tired. It would have been much better if the person said, "Hey I just wanted to ask why you did not wake me up for breakfast? Oh thank you for being considerate and letting me sleep more. Sorry for making you worry. By the way, next time, could you wake me up and ask me if I want to go to breakfast? That way I can decide myself. Thank you." To give one last example, one time I was chatting with some teachers, students, and parents. Everyone was sitting except for another teacher, myself, and a student. After a while, that student went to grab a chair. After the student sat on the chair for a few minutes, his mother suddenly said, "What are you doing? You should get chairs for the teachers!" The student probably had neutral intentions; he simply didn't think to get chairs for the teachers, but he was not purposely trying to be disrespectful. The parent was overly focused on the action and didn't consider her son's intentions, nor did she consider how her words would make her son and the people there feel very awkward. Then the other teacher said, "Oh thank you for warming up the seat for me!" Everyone laughed, and the student did not feel so awkward afterwards. Conclusion Don't overly focus on people's actions. Instead, see the intention behind their actions. Even better, always assume positive intentions; it can only make the situation better. Weekly Wisdom #238

If we always emphasize rules and logic, do you think we will have happy relationships? So if we want happy relationships and a happy life, we have to put human sentiment above logic and rules though I might win the argument, the mere fact that I make an argument out of it creates cracks in the relationship If I prioritized sentiment, that is prioritizing harmony and goodwill in relationships, then I wouldn't If we prioritize sentiment, then we will have good fortune and happy relationships.

"All people wear a little, invisible sign around their necks. It says, "Make Me Feel Important." —Dr. Alan Zimmerman Image Source Story One morning Mr. Cavett Robert looked out his window and saw a twelve-year-old boy going door to door selling books. The boy was headed for his house. Robert turned to his wife and said, "Just watch me teach this kid a lesson about selling. After all these years of writing books about communication, lecturing all over the country, I’ll show you how to get rid of a salesperson or anyone else, for that matter.” Mrs. Robert watched as the 12-year-old boy knocked on the door. Mr. Robert opened the door and quickly explained that he was a very busy man. He had no interest in buying any books. The young salesman was not daunted by Robert's brush-off. He simply stared at the tall, gray-haired, distinguished looking man, a man that he knew was fairly well known and quite wealthy. The boy said, "Sir, could you be the famous Mr. Cavett Robert?" To which Mr. Robert replied, "Come on in son." Mr. Robert bought several books from the youngster — books that he might never read. --- Source: Dr. Zimmerman’s Tuesday Tip, Issue 1095 - 3 Little Communication Strategies That Bring BIG Cooperation

This year, I have four big learnings: Memento Mori / cherish time Overcoming anger Relationship intelligence But oftentimes, relationships are complicated, messy, and troublesome. That's why it's so important that we continuously improve our relationship intelligence. blame others for not seeing our good intentions, we should blame ourselves for lacking sensitivity and relationship Some other blog articles from this year related to relationship intelligence include Notice others' good

"How am I complicit in creating the conditions I say I don't want?" —Jerry Colonna Image Source: Unsplash Commentary: We can apply this idea to both matters and people. Towards matters, we should look at how we've dedicated our time and energy. For example, I fell off my usual meditation practice this past week. It's easy for me to push the blame on busy-ness, but ultimately it's my responsibility to choose how I prioritize and spend my time, which I didn't do well. Towards people, we need to realize that our actions speak louder than our words. In this short excerpt from Knowing Where to Look, author Light Watkins gives some great examples: We are always teaching others how to treat us. If we are easily reactive, we teach people to sugarcoat the truth. If we routinely gossip about our friends, we teach others to question our loyalty. If we refuse to spread rumors, we teach people to trust that we will stand up for them too... If we consistently over-give, we teach others to take us for granted. If we give thoughtfully and in accordance to need, we teach people to appreciate our efforts... Every interaction is a teachable moment. What lessons will you teach today? Action: If you're unhappy about something or someone, ask yourself, "How am I complicit in creating the conditions I say I don't want?"

Attach the problem, not each other. Image Source: Unsplash "When wolves approach, wild horses form a circle with their heads at the center of the circle and kick out at the wolves, driving them away. When wolves attack a band of wild donkeys, however, they form a circle with their heads out toward the wolves and end up kicking one another. You have a choice; you can be as smart as a wild horse or as stupid as a wild donkey. You can kick the problem or you can kick each other." Source: Alan Zimmerman's Tuesday Tip #1082

Coincidentally, two of my friends also went through a really emotional week due to relationship conflicts Nowadays, it seems so many people are struggling in relationships, which shows how important it is for us to learn about how to have good relationships and how to resolve conflicts effectively. But if I want to have happy relationships, then I must improve on this aspect.