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Image Source: Unsplash Aside from romantic relationships, we all have so many other types of relationships So how can we nurture loving relationships? This applies not just to workplace relationships, but to all relationships. can take to raise relationships higher. and is best used for intimate relationships.

These principles are not just for romantic relationships, but all relationships, including family and workplace relationships. Why relationships fail Principles for successful relationships What is “Love”? Action Level For building relationships 1. Bad relationships ruin life, while great relationships make life worth living.

Alan Zimmerman said, "Trust is a must or your relationships will bust." To that, I might add, "If your relationships bust, your happiness will rust." misunderstand trustworthiness to simply mean honesty, but someone who is bluntly honest would ruin their relationships Trustworthiness is something we have to continually work on and maintain, but the reward (great relationships

For example, what’s the relationship like between the high level leader and the middle manager? I then asked my mentor, “So what if the asker further replied, ‘The top leader doesn’t have a close relationship

I recently heard the saying, "You can either be right or you can be in a relationship." For a relationship to be healthy, we have to care more about the relationship than ourselves. Stated in mathematical terms, Healthy Relationship = Selflessness > Selfishness Our desire to be right Given that different perspectives are all valid, a motto I follow in relationships is "Harmony is always

judgmental towards her, thinking that all she cares about is her grades and that she doesn’t value her relationships responsibility, and then I reminded her that aside from her studies, it's really important to build good relationships is not dependent on how good our grades were in school, but rather on our interpersonal skills and relationships Moreover, having good relationships with classmates will make us happier, and we can all help each other belief, we will view others in a better light, and we will have better, more harmonious and happier relationships

Icon Sources: 1, 2, 3 Last week, I wrote about the "Grandma is afraid you're hungry" situation. There's another problem I encountered here at my grandma's. Basically, before my mother and I arrived, my grandma was living by herself. When she got injured and couldn't move very well, she paid her neighbors money every month to cook and clean the house. After we came, my grandma asked them to only deliver one meal a day. I asked, "Why not just let them stop delivering altogether? We can cook three meals." She said, "Because they are rather poor and really need the money. If I don't let them deliver food at all, they will feel bad for taking my money." We supported grandma's decision. But the thing is, my mom and I are vegan, so my grandma told the neighbors that she wanted to eat vegan with us. The neighbors adjusted their cooking to not include meat, but sometimes, they delivered food with little dried shrimps. I think they didn't know that shrimp isn't vegan. I thought about telling them, but whenever I run into them, there's always other people, and it feels like I'm being super nitpicky if I knock on their door just to tell them to not put shrimp in the cooking. One day, I ran into the neighbor by chance, and it was just us two. I said, "Thank you so much for taking care of my grandma and feeding us such delicious and nutritious food!" She said, "Oh it's no problem at all! If there's anything you want to eat, please tell me." I replied, "Oh actually I don't eat shrimp either because it's not vegan. But I don't think you knew that. Sorry I didn't communicate clearly before. Your cooking is very delicious though!" She said, "Oh really? OK I'll know in the future, thanks for letting me know." And that was that. Politeness and appreciation always help to reduce awkwardness. Later, I was talking to my mentor about this situation and asked him if there are any better ways to handle such a situation. Just like in last week's article, I encourage you to pause here and think about how you might handle this situation, then compare it to what my mentor said. This will give you a deeper impression and internalize the teachings more so that you can use it in your own life. My mentor told me: "Indeed, it's quite awkward to trouble your neighbors further after they've already gone through the trouble of cooking vegan for you. One way to do it is to buy a gift for them, and then when you deliver the gift, you can bring it up in passing. This way, you're not purely troubling them in that encounter. Moreover, you can offer to give them more money to compensate for the extra trouble of cooking vegan. This way, you show your good intentions and that you aren't just selfishly adding trouble to them." I thought, "Wow, that's a pretty good idea! My mentor is so much more considerate than me." In the future, I'll remember that if I need to trouble others, I should try to bring a small token of appreciation or do a small favor for them first. Do you have any other ways to politely trouble others? If so, I'd love to hear them. Weekly Wisdom #265

Recently, I finished teaching a two-month English course aimed at helping some students pass their IELTS test. Most of them are beginner level, but they need to pass the lower-intermediate or intermediate level. In other words, it's no small feat.   Throughout these two months, I realized that the hardest thing isn't teaching English or IELTS tactics. The hardest thing is helping the students maintain a good emotional state. Because they have strong pressure to achieve a high result in a short time frame, which is very difficult, they understandably get anxious and stressed a lot.   Every week, there are a couple students who get emotionally unstable. The IELTS test is one source of their stress, but there are other factors too, like conflict with classmates, or body discomfort, or bad sleep. Fortunately, there are always some students who have a good emotional state, and they'll help to comfort the students in a bad emotional state.   I teach them every day, and outside of class, I continue to tutor them. Sometimes, I feel like it's a contest between my calm and positive energy against their stress and negative energy. Sometimes my energy can overcome theirs, and other times, their energy overpowers mine.   Every day, I repeat the same things to them: "You can do it. You have to believe in yourself. Focus on the process. Don't be impatient for quick results. Don't get disheartened at failure or mistakes, it's part of the learning process. You have to accumulate mistakes to succeed. You have to practice staying calm. Be focused when you study and practice. Take care of your health. Notice your own improvement and encourage yourself. Be your own cheerleader. If you encounter difficulties, communicate with me promptly and we can solve it together."   Image Source: ChaptGPT At the end of the two months, many of them told me that their biggest gain from my class isn't English, but rather an improvement in their attitude. Two months isn't that long, but it also isn't that short either, and I noticed that most of them improved their sense of confidence and emotional stability as compared to the beginning.   From this experience, I realized that we really shouldn't expect people to change after we give them advice once or twice. If we're serious about helping others to change, we have to accompany them for a long period of time, and throughout this time period, we need to set a good example and use a good attitude to give frequent reminders and encouragement.   It's easy to give advice. It's much harder to role model that advice and repeatedly give the same advice every day without getting impatient. But only when we can do this would they have faith in us and be willing to listen to us; if we get impatient, they will think we don't really care about them, and they'd lose motivation to change. The reason we'd get frustrated is because we aren't empathetic enough. I'm sure my students all want to remain calm and have faith in themselves, but they can't control their emotions sometimes. They're not purposely ignoring my advice, it's just that changing habits takes time.   When I see things from this perspective, I gain more patience. My job is precisely to remind and encourage them when they revert to their old habits, and each time they will improve a bit. Although the improvement might not be noticeable day to day, with enough accumulation, they will eventually have noticeable change.   As Epictetus said, “Nothing important comes into being overnight; even grapes and figs need time to ripen. If you say that you want a fig now, I will tell you to be patient. First, you must allow the tree to flower, then put forth fruit; then you have to wait until the fruit is ripe."   Is there anyone you've been trying to change? Do you patiently focus on the process, or have you become impatient at the lack of results? Weekly Wisdom #343

Image Source: Unsplash Ancient philosophers and contemporary scientists all agree that relationships Furthermore, it’s the quality, not quantity, of our relationships that count. Trying to understand the other person deeply is the key to solving relationship problems. Conclusion If there’s anything worth investing in, it’s your relationships. Quality relationships make us happy and healthy, and improving relationships is not rocket science.

conflict with my parents, but after learning traditional Chinese culture and filial piety, I feel like our relationship

I also learned from Confucianism that the root of all our relationship problems lies in our relationships This would help me calm down and be willing to apologize because I care more about the relationship than When we have good relationships, we will have much more happiness in life.  

Image Source: Wix AI Two monks were washing their feet in a river when they saw a scorpion struggling in the water. Knowing that scorpions cannot swim, the elder monk knelt down to scoop it out of the water and set it on the shore. As he slowly and calmly picked up the scorpion, it stung his hand. Out of pain and reflex, the monk dropped the scorpion. He then tried again a couple more times, but faster. However, he still got stung and dropped the scorpion. He then told the younger monk to bring him a tree branch from the shore. Using that branch, he managed to scoop the scorpion out of the water and set it on shore. The younger monk asked, "Why did you keep trying to save the scorpion when it stung you so many times? What an ungrateful creature." The elder monk replied, "If I enter the water, I will get wet; the nature of water is wet. See that tree over there? Anyone can sit under its shade. The tree will never ask if you are young or old, good or evil, human or animal; it will provide everyone and anything with its shade because this is its nature. Similarly, the nature of the scorpion is to sting, so there is nothing to take offence in. Our true nature is to be compassionate towards all living beings, just like the tree serves all living beings without discrimination. When we align with our true nature, we will free our minds from the suffering that comes with discrimination and attachment." Commentary This parable has different versions on the internet, and above is a version that I've synthesized and edited. The story has quite a lot of food for thought and can be contemplated from different angles. 1: Compassion First is from the perspective of compassion. Most of us have conditional love towards people: "If you are good, if I like you, if you behave the way I want you to behave, then I will treat you well; otherwise, I will be unhappy towards you." Compassion, on the other hand, is unconditional love: "It doesn't matter who you are or what you do, I will always treat you well, try to understand you, and help you achieve your full potential." As mentioned in last week's article, compassion benefits ourselves first because it is an elevated emotional state, as shown in this chart: Source: Becoming Supernatural by Dr. Joe Dispenza Whereas the survival emotions (e.g., pain, fear, anger) at the bottom are all overly attached to I, elevated motions (e.g., love/compassion, freedom, appreciation) all dampen the attachment to I and focus more on others. When we feel survival emotions, we feel stressed. When we are in an elevated state, we feel a sense of calm happiness and ease. Monks are always cultivating their mind to maintain a state of serenity and compassion, so when the elder monk saw the drowning scorpion, he naturally felt compassion towards it. He didn't think, "This is a scorpion. Scorpions are bad. I don't like scorpions." If we have strong discriminations between what we like and dislike, then we create unnecessary suffering for ourselves. The monk had equal compassion for all living beings, so he could maintain his serene state of mind. When the scorpion repeatedly stung his hand, he didn't think "What an ungrateful creature! I'm trying to help you, and you sting me?!" Compassion is similar to parental love: Even if a child is naughty, does bad things, argues with parents, and hurts parents feelings, the parent ultimately still loves the child and believes in the child's goodness and potential. Similarly, the monk understood that the scorpion stung him out of fear and anxiety, so he felt didn't blame the scorpion and continued to try to save it. When we have conflict with others, we can reflect on whether we truly understand the other person, and whether we are using conditional love or compassion. 2: Wisdom Another insight from this story is the importance of wisdom. We've probably all had the experience of wanting to help others, but when we tried to help, we ended up creating more trouble for everyone. It's like when the elder monk tried to pick up the scorpion and got stung, thereby hurting himself and bringing no benefit to the scorpion. So how can we gain wisdom? One way is of course to study books of wisdom, such as those of ancient philosophers. I previously wrote about this in the article Upgrade Your Thinking. But in the story, the elder monk gained wisdom through his sincere compassion. Sincere means single-minded and unchanging, while compassion means only thinking about benefiting others. Since the monk was single-mindedly focused on helping the scorpion, he didn't give up after the first few failures. Since he wasn't interested in giving up, he continually looked for ways to improve his method, until he finally had a breakthrough: find a tree branch to scoop the scorpion. Similarly, we can reflect on ourselves when we encounter problems. Are we single-mindedly focused and determined to solve it? Or do we think this problem isn't really that big of a deal? Are we focused on helping others, or are we overly attached to our own feelings? 3: Pain vs. Suffering When the elder monk got stung by the scorpion, he surely felt pain, but I don't think he experienced suffering. Pain is physical, while suffering is mental. I'm reminded of this quote from Stoic emperor Marcus Aurelius: "Do away with the opinion I am harmed, and the harm is cast away too." The big question is, how can we "do away with the opinion that I am harmed"? It's all about how we think. I like Victor Cheng's definition of "suffering" as "meaningless pain", which means that if we can find meaning in our pain, then we no longer feel unhappy. In fact, we can even appreciate pain similar to how an athlete appreciates growing pains. If we want to improve in life, which is a joyful thing, then we need to face tests and challenges. Monks are trying to cultivate serenity and compassion, so when the elder monk encountered the scorpion that stung him, he viewed it as a good test to help him raise his cultivation rather than as misfortune. If he had gotten upset and given up, then his cultivation would have degenerated. He could then thank the scorpion for showing him his lack of cultivation. But he maintained his cultivation and overcame the challenge, so he can thank the scorpion for helping him to increase his level of cultivation. We probably all face challenges and pain in our lives, but we don't necessarily have to suffer. We can find meaning in our challenges and use our pain as motivation for our self-improvement and for helping others to avoid the pain we've been through. When we do so, we can change our emotional state from suffering (a low state) to appreciation (a high state). Conclusion Although we might not literally be a monk, and we might not ever see a drowning scorpion, the metaphorical lessons of this story are highly relevant to us. Do we have conditional love or unconditional compassion? Are we sincere or fickle? Do we suffer in the face of pain and challenges, or do we find meaning and improve from them? Weekly Wisdom #284